DawnM Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 and I still don't feel like it is "home." I think about where we used to live and I sometimes still cry. I loved it. I felt it was home. Just a sad morning and feeling sorry for myself. That is all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: I hear ya. We moved here 9 years ago, intending to go back after 4. (My husband was doing a career change and came here to go to grad school/seminary.) We loved where we lived, but this is where the school is. Things changed, and we never went back. I still cry about our old life sometimes. I don't feel like this is home. My kids do, so at least there's that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 :grouphug: Wishing you a better day today and a nice weekend. :grouphug: I love where we live, but we searched around and chose to live here. I wish everyone could live where they love. And even though I love where we live, I'm restless and wish we could ride off into the sunset rather than being settled down. Hubby and I had planned (mentally) to do that when our youngest left the nest, but financially we're not there yet and a couple of the boys still love their home place. If we sell it, they'll never be able to come back. Until they are certain they don't want to settle here, it seems wrong to sell. So I dream (sigh). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I understand. We moved from the Northwest (love it) to the South (eh) 7 years ago. Was supposed to be 2 years, yet here we still are. It isn't awful, but definitely not "home." Under the "only 2 years" idea, I never really decorated the new house, replanted with the types of flowers I like, etc. Just the other day, I was lamenting - again - being here, and took it out on the paint color chosen by the builder for the walls (we bought the house after it was built). Peach. I hate peach walls. DH, trying to cheer me up, offered to repaint the dining room to the pale moss green I like. I burst into tears, because the paint color isn't really the issue. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) 13 years here and I feel the same way, except I'm not unhappy about it. I am happy living here, but it doesn't feel like "home." But it's a nice place. Whenever I drive through the old neighborhood, I do feel a tug on my heart. Then I remember the traffic and remember why we left (too crowded, too busy, too expensive) and realize that if we'd have stayed I probably wouldn't have been happy there, but I still feel the tug to be there. It's conflicting, that's for sure! I'm kinda wondering if it's true that you can never go home and even if I moved back there if I'd no longer feel like it was home and would end up missing here! Some of us are wanderers, but I think some of us would do well to live our entire lives in one little village and never travel more than a few miles away from it, like in the past. I think I'm a "live my entire life in one village person." Maybe you are, too? Edited September 16, 2016 by Garga 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 Same damn story for me. I've been here going on 11 years. I still don't feel like I live here. At least what I can say is that the people who are the most important to me live with me so it's not all bad. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zinnia Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 I am a wanderer, and we've lived in our house/location for 6 years. I'm definitely feeling the itch. My dh is feeling it, too. We really, really loved the area we lived in from 2002-2004. It felt like home in a huge, remarkable way, and we loved it. We were there for grad school. Very few jobs available, so we came back home. And cried. :( I still miss it, though that was before children, and some things about the area give me pause to raising kids there. But I'm still thinking about it, so maybe... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 I've lived where I am now for 22 years and still doesn't feel like home. Where I grew up doesn't feel like home either anymore, and neither does the place I spent the intervening 8 years. I have told my husband that nowhere feels like home, except where he is. Like the Billy Joel song "You're My Home". It bothered me for a while, but now I've come to accept it. I think it's also a reality of our ever more mobile society. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 9 years here. We have come to the realization it will never be home. From the 25 year old down to the 16 year old, they all feel the same way so we will sitch this place when we have enough put away for dh to leave his company. We are looking at 6 months a year near pur Doctor's Without Borders friends, and 6 months stateside traveling arouns to see the kids and grandkids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 I do live in a nice place. I shouldn't be complaining and ultimately I am not. My husband AND my kids LOVE it here. I have friends. We moved because my DH didn't like it where we were (even though we met and married there), and he wanted some of what you were all mentioning earlier.......smaller city, more affordable, nicer people, etc..... We moved from SoCal to NC. It is a HUGE difference and I can't just "go visit" for the weekend. It isn't where I grew up. I grew up overseas. THAT is where I can never "go back" to because it will never be the same. Dawn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 Awww, it's okay. I can relate. I wanted to leave our former home, but yet I miss it! And I like where we live, yet it doesn't feel like home at all. We've been here for three years, and I still feel like we just got here. It still feels like a foreign culture in so many ways. I have the wanderer's itch--I think I get pumped by the joy of a new adventure. But dh hates change from the very core of his being. So we make it work here or perhaps someday we'll go back to our original home--I doubt he's up for anything more than that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 I grew up in the north and now live in the south and have for 20 years (entire married life). I like it here. People are nice. Good quality of life and low cost of living. We are not interested in ever returning to the north. We have been in our current town just a year but we like it. But HOME? nope. My kids, although born and raised here, will say they are not southerners or tell people they are from the north. We are just different and will never be at home. We are happy but not at home. But up north wouldn't be home either. My mom has passed away and so many people my age moved away for better economic opportunities after college. We are just always a bit of a misfit. The south is a different culture. I say that not is a disparaging or critical way. We like it here. But...it is different and some things I will never get used to. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 Awww, it's okay. I can relate. I wanted to leave our former home, but yet I miss it! And I like where we live, yet it doesn't feel like home at all. We've been here for three years, and I still feel like we just got here. It still feels like a foreign culture in so many ways. I have the wanderer's itch--I think I get pumped by the joy of a new adventure. But dh hates change from the very core of his being. So we make it work here or perhaps someday we'll go back to our original home--I doubt he's up for anything more than that. This is so much like DH and me. And 2 of my kids take after DH in the "we don't like change, we like it here, don't ever want to move" camp. Youngest and I are more adaptable. I like moving, although I was so happy to have finally found a "home" where I felt I could live the rest of my life. What was I thinking to agree to move? He promised 2 years max if I didn't want to stay, but then some things happened at work and he asked for 2 more years, and that just morphed into 11 and FOREVER. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) For a little while where we live felt like home. But with our reversal in fortune, home maintenance, the high cost of living, the insane taxes, and the overcrowding (my town feels a need to build on every empty plot of land lately) I feel an urge to move somewhere else. But, it is the kids home. How can I sell it out from under them. Sometimes you just need a good cry and a pity party. Edited September 16, 2016 by kewb 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 :grouphug: dh's been through that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 We moved here thinking we'd be here for two years, and it's been 22! It does finally feel like home now, but only a temporary one. We always knew we wouldn't be here forever, and we still know that, and all of our kids know that about themselves too. So it definitely doesn't feel like a permanent home, and I don't know if any home will ever feel that way for me. I've always told my kids I could move somewhere completely new every year and be really happy. I'm ready for a change soon. But, our home is finally paid off here, and while we still have kids in college, this really makes the most sense. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) We moved here thinking we'd be here for two years, and it's been 22! It does finally feel like home now, but only a temporary one. We always knew we wouldn't be here forever, and we still know that, and all of our kids know that about themselves too. So it definitely doesn't feel like a permanent home, and I don't know if any home will ever feel that way for me. I've always told my kids I could move somewhere completely new every year and be really happy. I'm ready for a change soon. But, our home is finally paid off here, and while we still have kids in college, this really makes the most sense. Yeah, this place (where we are now) makes the most economical sense, that is for sure. Our income would double if we moved back to SoCal, but our expenses would triple, so...... Edited September 16, 2016 by DawnM 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 :grouphug: I understand and empathize with you. We've been in our town for a number of years and it isn't home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 <snip> Some of us are wanderers, but I think some of us would do well to live our entire lives in one little village and never travel more than a few miles away from it, like in the past. I think I'm a "live my entire life in one village person." Maybe you are, too? I would like to be a wanderer and dream of going places - hence the recent purchase of a pop up camper. When I backpack I feel quite at home and peaceful in my tent. I am not at 'home' in our particular town or area of the country. We've owned two homes here and neither have felt like home. We've looked at property in the country (small acreages) and, while I have fallen in love with some of the properties, I can't get over the the geographical location. I would give anything to go back to CO. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 Can you move back to the place you liked living in? That depends on job opportunities, housing costs, taxes, and many other things. Life is a very short and fatal experience, so if one can live where they enjoy living, that's a plus. Are your DH and DC happy where you live now? Everywhere one might live there are pluses and minuses. Everything is a compromise. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) No, we cannot move back. I am the ONLY one in the family who would like to return. The jobs are there, but it is 4 against 1 and I wouldn't do that to my family. I would live with every negative there is (cost of living, crowds, etc....) to move back. I never wanted to leave. People said, "Oh, just give it a few years" I think 11 is more than enough time. Edited September 16, 2016 by DawnM 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) I get you :grouphug: ... Edited September 16, 2016 by Tammyla 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 4 against 1... Odd man out... Or, in this case, odd woman out... Try to make the best of it, Easier said than done. . One persons hell is another persons heaven. That may be the situation within your family. For 4 it is great and for you it is not your preferred location. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 :grouphug: We're going on 12 years now; still don't feel like I belong here. We thought we'd be here about a year so we rented first. But during the second year it didn't look like we'd be moving back so we bought; we're still here. I don't love it but it's what I'm used to now, and it's not terrible, just ok iykwim. But we've now been here so long that our dc, at least, are kind of from here, and I don't see us moving from the area anytime soon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) We have been here 11 years and still feel like foreigners. The bulk of our relatives are back home and we have no relatives here. My hubby and kids are also wanderers so we are keeping an eye out for relocation opportunities. Here is much lower COL than where we are from. We are from one of the highest COL country, Tokyo might be the only place with higher COL than where we were from. ETA: It does not help that sunny California is still cold for even my kids who grew up here. We came here because of hubby's work but now we are at another phase where we are looking at steady even if lower pay quasi-govt job that can last until hubby wants to retire. Edited September 16, 2016 by Arcadia 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaeFlowers Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 I get it. I've lived in the deep south for 15 years. I still feel like a stranger in a strange land. It's never been home to me. I can't move back, either. We're in the process of packing up my parents house to sell and they are moving here. Once it's sold, I won't have any reason to ever go back to my hometown. On top of everything else, we have lived in rentals for about 5 years. These places can never really feel like home. I would move in heartbeat. Ds already talks about where he will move when he's older. Dh is really the only one who likes it here but, alas, he's the one working and who grew up here so that's that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 No, we cannot move back. I am the ONLY one in the family who would like to return. The jobs are there, but it is 4 against 1 and I wouldn't do that to my family. I would live with every negative there is (cost of living, crowds, etc....) to move back. I never wanted to leave. People said, "Oh, just give it a few years" I think 11 is more than enough time. Very difficult situation, then. I am sorry. That's sad that you didn't want to go and have never been happy with the new place. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 I totally understand. 20 years here , and I still call my birth state home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) nm Edited November 5, 2016 by cathey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omd21 Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 I understand how you feel. I grew up in FL. We moved to GA for 7 years. I liked some aspects of GA but others, not so much. Then we moved to the Hudson Valley and it felt like home there; it was beautiful, and the community was very open and welcoming. But, we had to leave because of my husband's work, back down to FL. This time around I hated FL. I've been so restless here. The kids hate it too, and have not found a good group of friends. We are not saving as much as we liked, etc. So we sold our house and back to GA we go. I feel like my expectations are more realistic now than the first time we lived there and I'm determined to make the best of it. But I'm a little scared. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 Very difficult situation, then. I am sorry. That's sad that you didn't want to go and have never been happy with the new place. :( I was wiling to give it a shot. Then life happened (long story) and we stayed longer than I had thought we would. Then the kids started connecting and by year 6 or 7 they were starting to become pre-teens and I realized moving would be more traumatic. Anyway, we are here......FOREVER! :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 And yes, I realize things could be worse. I don't HATE it here, and I could be in a place I hated. So there is that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) (((hugs))) 11 years is long enough. Can you strategize on how and when to move home? Do consider your children, though. If they feel at home where you are, then leaving isn't as easy an option. When your kids are off to college, that might be a good time to move . . . Edited September 16, 2016 by StephanieZ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: We've been here just over 11 years, and it's only felt like home the past 2 or so. I get it. It's a deeply miserable feeling. I hope something can "click" for you soon! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 We've lived all over the place, 6 states in the last 10-12 years so I've become hardened to that feeling a bit, I don't mind being here, but I do wish we could move home....like all the way home. We tried to make it work in an area about 2 hours from home.... still not the same. I love my family but what I miss the most is Bloomington. It is the best place to live and raise kids but the job market is not geared toward DH's field and the few jobs that are there pay so low (they can get students just graduating for dirt cheap) we had to give up on the idea. It was hard, I still get a bit teary that my kids won't be going to IU like I did. I've talked the town and campus up so much that even DD is nostalgic for for a place she's never lived. :crying: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 Totally understand. We lived in VA for 10 years. We went thinking it would be a year at most...but ended up staying for way too long. It's funny now...my kids consider that their home state. And while most of the people we were close to there have moved away, and everything has changed, I could see my kids going back one day. We have been in WA now 2 years. In some ways this feels like home. But our circle of friends is extremely small. In some ways I think VA held more community than here. Even if that community changed b/c of military families coming and going. Now I just long for more community while living in a place I adore. So one had community but I hated the landscape. Now i have landscape but have little community. What's better? I'm hopeful for the next year to be better. Having stayed somewhere 10 years never wanting to be there....and now gone...I can only encourage you to focus on the good. Or aim to get out. But it's not always better when you get what you want. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 I have lived in my current house for 40 years, since age seven. I escaped twice, once with a friend when we were 20, again with DH for the first year of marriage. We moved back temporarily when Diamond was 5 weeks old. That was July '95. Even though the house is in my name, it still doesn't feel like home. I have always hated living here, both the house and the neighborhood. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoutingmom Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 Almost 13 years in this house and I hate it. It was 'ok' when we moved, but is too small for our current family and is falling apart. But we are stuck here. Neighbourhood is pretty good, but no sidewalks and a road that is busy occasionally. The previous house was for a year... it was nicknamed the mouse house. That neighbourhood was good. The one before that I lived there a year (dh was there longer).... it was in a bad neighbourhood. I just want to live in a good house with a good layout for 6 people, good yard, good neighbourhood.... and maybe it would feel like home. Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 17, 2016 Author Share Posted September 17, 2016 Maybe this needs to be more deeply acknowledged and dealt with before you can feel at home. Maybe, deep down, you feel like he manipulated you? tricked you? That he never really planned on ever going back; that he just told you that to get you to agree to move? That the "changes at work" were a convenient excuse to not keep his word? Not saying that this is true; just saying that maybe it feels true. At the very least, you need to go back to where you love it, and treat yourself to a week of bliss every year. Take whoever wants to go along, but don't insist; just go yourself and love every minute of it. No, but i would have to go into long detail about why we stayed, which included me agreeing to it. He didn't know all of the things with his job would happen the way they did and was not trying to be dishonest. I have felt trapped, but that isn't his fault. We plan to all go back next summer, visit my parents (if my mom is still alive) and spend about 3-4 weeks traveling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 17, 2016 Author Share Posted September 17, 2016 (edited) I have lived in my current house for 40 years, since age seven. I escaped twice, once with a friend when we were 20, again with DH for the first year of marriage. We moved back temporarily when Diamond was 5 weeks old. That was July '95. Even though the house is in my name, it still doesn't feel like home. I have always hated living here, both the house and the neighborhood. Wow, that is a long time! Any plans to move at some point? Do you want to move away away or just to a different house within the same area? Edited September 17, 2016 by DawnM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemiSweet Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 :grouphug: I have never felt at home anywhere, probably because I've never lived anywhere longer than 3 years, plus I'm a wanderer at heart. I thought if I just bought a house I would feel at home (I've always rented) but as much as I love my house and neighborhood I regret buying, it's expensive and makes me feel confined. I'm just a wanderer through and through. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 I've moved about every 5 years or so. This time it was 6 years. I've never felt at home anywhere. My last house I adored, still adore, but don't like the location. Our new house is more my mom's dream house than mine, but I'm here and it's good. The town is probably as close to home as I'm ever going to get, and "home" may take more time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 I'm sorry, hope you are feeling better today. Also sorry for all those who posted and don't feel at home in their current living arrangements. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 I don't feel I have a home, either. We live in a rectory, and, while it is big and lovely, it is not "me." I left home when I was 13 and moved. I have never felt at home anywhere else. It is just one of those things. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 (edited) Rebel Yell, on 16 Sept 2016 - 10:41 PM, said: I have lived in my current house for 40 years, since age seven. I escaped twice, once with a friend when we were 20, again with DH for the first year of marriage. We moved back temporarily when Diamond was 5 weeks old. That was July '95. Even though the house is in my name, it still doesn't feel like home. I have always hated living here, both the house and the neighborhood. Wow, that is a long time! Any plans to move at some point? Do you want to move away away or just to a different house within the same area? I've had vague dreams of moving out since I was 12. 🙄 And not really any actual plans to ever move. Everyone else is comfortable, I'm the only one unhappy. It seems to be more of an inertia thing for DH. I would be OK enough with a different house in a different neighborhood that was still in the same geographical are (we are in a suburb 20 mins from downtown of a major city) but if I got to pick, and DH could get a job that would be comparable in income to cost of living, I would move very far away, preferably to a coastal area with no snow. And it isn't even like he has a rare specialty job with a massive income that couldn't be duplicated anywhere else. Edited September 17, 2016 by Rebel Yell 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TABmom Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 I understand. I've only lived here for 7 years and I don't feel like it is home either. What really kills me though, is that this is home for my kids. (Ages 9,6, and 2) When they grow up, this will be the place they miss- assuming we don't move soon. Part of me doesn't want to move again though because starting over is so. Very. Hard. And there are some nice things about living here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinaBlue Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 This is the third place we've lived since we got married 12 years ago, and we've enjoyed each one, but none of them have felt like home to me. And now when I visit my hometown, that doesn't feel as much like home as it used to. :-( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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