What are your dating rules?

[Mimm]

I always said no one-on-one dates till you're 16. It's AMAZING how much I'm having to defend and negotiate that.

 

What about school dances?

 

Umm, ok school dances are ok since they are big group activities, but only so long as we, your parents, drop you off and pick you up from the dance.

 

What about going to dinner before hand, in a group?

 

Umm... I don't know.

 

What about a double date?

 

No.

 

What about a double date if my sister comes along?

 

Maaaybe?

 

I'm SO TIRED of having to constantly come up with answers to all the "what ifs" and "what abouts"?

 

When you defined dating rules, did you have to cover every single contingency with your child? Because this is driving me nuts.

 

Then there's my 13 year old who says, "I don't want a boyfriend right now. I mean, I have a crush but I'm fine with it being just that. What would be the point?" This is why she's my favorite. (Kidding!)

[AimeeM]

No one-on-one dates until 16. 

DD14 is allowed to hang out with guy friends at our house or in group activities where there are adults I know. She does so rather frequently with one boy in particular, lol. 

I help host/put together the local homeschool dances for a few of our local homeschool groups, so I'm obviously there when DD is, but none of these kids really seem *into* taking dates to the dances (yet) - even the older teens.

I hosted the last holiday party for the homeschool teens, too, so I was here with DD (it was at my house).

 

DD doesn't really question it. She's okay with it for now. 

 

DD also knows that we have a real concern about her riding with new drivers, too, and that isn't just new drivers who are boys. We will not allow her to be in a car with her one friend who has a permit (girl's mom is in the car, obviously, but still - no). 

 

 

ETA:

As far as defining the dating rules... we just told DD no one-on-ones until 16. If she wanted to hang out with a boy before then, in a group environment, she could come to us, ask, and we would discuss it privately and get back to her. This doesn't allow for negotiating on her end and allows me and DH to discuss it and decide on a case-by-case basis. We are more than happy to discuss, then, with DD why we said "yes" or why we said "no."

 

 

 

Edited March 3, 2016 by AimeeM

[teachermom2834]

I know it is not what you are looking for but we have ended up with no firm rules. Not because I am permissive but because I don't want to be boxed in by the rules. Seems every situation and kid is so different. We are fluid.

 

I did find this exhausting for awhile as I was constantly having to evaluate what we would allow. It got easier as we all got our footing. I learned what I was comfortable with and the kids learned what kind of requests to make and how to frame them. And communication is key. I always need to know where they are and with who etc.

 

There are many times I have envied the simplicity of the families where dating is forbidden until 18. But I joke because I really have seen lots of complications that I feel like we have avoided by communicating.

 

So- no firm rules but lots of communication. Sorry I am not more helpful but it has worked here for two teen boys.

[regentrude]

We do not have dating rules. We decide on a case-by-case basis what is acceptable for our family. And rules change as the relationship evolves.

 

[Dmmetler]

We're not there yet, but my parents allowed group stuff, but not 1-1 before 16.

 

One thing that bugs me is that it seems like stuff is pushed down. There was a date function recently that many of the kids DD's age in our homeschool group went to. Officially it was for ages 12-16, but I know kids down to 10 who went-and brought dates. It made it easy for me this year-I just pointed out the 12+ age range, but if they do it next year, I imagine I may have DD complaining about not being allowed to go.

[Guest]

This may not be a popular view, but I never defined any rules ahead of time. I addressed scenarios as they ocurred. In general, I am not a parent who ties priviledges directly to a calendar age, because kids can have very different needs/restrictions. I did not want to paint myself in a corner by saying DD1 could do this at that age and then have to change for the next kid due to that kid's impulse control/personality/recklessness/whatever.

 

In some ways, some things were easier for me, perhaps, because DD has stayed with one bf. So what I allowed was always in this context of this same boy whom we know well and know his family well.

 

Little sidebar: when DD and bf started going to dances (9th grade, when she went to B&M school), I made a dinner for them and several other friends. My reasons for offering to do this were mostly money-conscious, but also it gave me control over transportation, which was a perk I enjoyed, though I didn't foresee it.

 

Personally, I like a group date situation better than a one-on-one until they are getting pretty mature.

[Prairie~Phlox]

My daughter is 18 & has not had an interest in dating. We've been very fortunate.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

No firm rules.

[Joker]

Dh and I do what our parents did which means there are no actual rules. We decide on a case by case basis and it depends on which dd, who the other person is, and where they are going /what they will be doing.

 

So far, we've been fine with school dances. Those start in middle here but are right after school during the afternoon. High school ones are in the evening and, so far, they can go and usually choose to in groups of friends. We don't feel it necessary to drop off and pick up unless asked.

 

Neither of my dds are really interested in dating though. They both say they want to focus on academics and friends through high school. I wouldn't be surprised if that changes in the future but we still won't have any hard and fast rules.

[Mimm]

I would love to have no defined rules, but this is a kid I have to have clear rules about or I'll be badgered to death about each and every situation. And "yes this time because I feel ok about the situation, and no next time because I don't like certain circumstances" doesn't work at all for her. She's also not very honest, she's pretty sneaky, so there's a lot of trust problems there. I don't want to clamp down completely and not allow anything because then she'll just sneak around behind my back. So I allow as much as I possibly can to feel comfortable and just try to enforce the rules that I do have. I guess it's not unreasonable to need to talk these things out, I'm just kind of exhausted having to do it so often. 

[FriedClams]

No high school dating. We see nothing of value coming from it.

 

Lots of friends and social activities with lots of different people is encouraged. Volunteer work, sports, and church events are encouraged. Friends of both genders are welcomed.

 

One on one anything, skulking around (we all know the kind, LOL), texting, phone calls, etc. are not encouraged or welcomed.

 

Dances? No

 

Movies? A group - sure. A tiny group, no.

 

So far I have no reason to distrust my kids sand their social groups are excellent. If that changes, we'll have lots of discussions.

[Rebel Yell]

I would love to have no defined rules, but this is a kid I have to have clear rules about or I'll be badgered to death about each and every situation. And "yes this time because I feel ok about the situation, and no next time because I don't like certain circumstances" doesn't work at all for her. She's also not very honest, she's pretty sneaky, so there's a lot of trust problems there. I don't want to clamp down completely and not allow anything because then she'll just sneak around behind my back. So I allow as much as I possibly can to feel comfortable and just try to enforce the rules that I do have. I guess it's not unreasonable to need to talk these things out, I'm just kind of exhausted having to do it so often. 

 

Ahhhh OK... we have no defined rules, we are able to work out each date/event/etc. on a individual basis.  Although our absolute rules are that they not be alone together in the house, and that if they are being picked up from an event separately the boy is NOT to leave before my DDs ride is there. Also, my younger DDs are "young" for their "grade" so for example Sweet Child did not turn 16 until Thanksgiving break of her Junior year- when many of her friends were 16 at the beginning of 10th grade.

 

In your situation, how about set the rules slightly stricter/older than you would like, but then allow for "rare exceptions." Such as, so one-on-one dates until 16. But a school dance would be an exception, but not just a great movie came out and no one else wants to go.

 

Also, define as well as you can what *is* OK, and what is likely not. OK might be hanging out at each other's homes w/family home, going to each other;s youth group or youth group events, walking to the neighborhood coffeeshop. Not OK might be the under-21 dance club, driving with a newly licensed teen (when a parent providing transport to the event would be OK).

 

Good luck!

[Guest]

I would love to have no defined rules, but this is a kid I have to have clear rules about or I'll be badgered to death about each and every situation. And "yes this time because I feel ok about the situation, and no next time because I don't like certain circumstances" doesn't work at all for her. She's also not very honest, she's pretty sneaky, so there's a lot of trust problems there. I don't want to clamp down completely and not allow anything because then she'll just sneak around behind my back. So I allow as much as I possibly can to feel comfortable and just try to enforce the rules that I do have. I guess it's not unreasonable to need to talk these things out, I'm just kind of exhausted having to do it so often.

I hate to state this so baldly but this relationship dynamic is not a good start on the teen years. I would be working on that foremost. I think if kids behave sneakily, they feel like they have a lot of rules and want to see if they can get around them. So it seems to me that the more you define a bazillion rules, the more you get her looking for loopholes so she can break them.

[Guest]

Our basic principle is that you remain friends with everyone until you're ready to handle finding a marriage partner. Fooling around with romance or situations were it is easy to get caught up in physical feelings or 'the moment' isn't wise if you're not mature enough to follow through. Thus, we don't really allow one on one relationships with the opposite sex at all, and will discourage them even into college and beyond if the person in question isn't wanting to pursue or seek out a life partner. If they are they can begin the vetting process however they decide they are most comfortable.

 

No hard and fast ages or rules. But we do have a goal in mind (honoring God in our choices and respecting our own bodies and dreams) and the way we go about managing that will change with each kid and situation. Some of our children may be great at setting their own goals and boundaries. Some may not. We will cross that bridge when we get to it and for now we just teach very general worldview principles on how to relate appropriately to others of the same and opposite sex and the regard with which we treat them and expect to be treated in return.

 

My husband managed this successfully until he was 28 and married me. I failed big time on multiple points over the years and had sworn off men before my 18th birthday as a result. We are definitely taking these lessons and experiences into consideration in how we handle this with our kids and what each family did that had better and worse outcomes.

[Minerva]

Mimm, this might be totally naive, but can you come up with a list of dating rules with your dd, so that she feels a part of the decision making and can refer to it whenever she is looking for an answer or loophole? Is it possible that figuring out what rules you both can live with, and then writing them down together, might be a way of honoring each other's needs and fears?

 

 

[FaithManor]

We do not have dating rules. We decide on a case-by-case basis what is acceptable for our family. And rules change as the relationship evolves.

I would say this is more our approach.

 

We try to have open, welcoming relationships with the teens in the hopes they will feel comfortable sharing with us. We talk a lot about our own dating days, the ups, the downs. So far it seems to be working.

[myfunnybunch]

No firm rules here. We did say no 1:1 dating until 16 with our oldest, and that was an appropriate rule for her.

 

Ds15 has no intention of dating until college. Of course, that may change. But for now he's really not interested in a) going out with random girls just for the sake of dating, or b) being involved in a relationship beyond friendship.

[Scarlett]

No high school dating. We see nothing of value coming from it.

 

Lots of friends and social activities with lots of different people is encouraged. Volunteer work, sports, and church events are encouraged. Friends of both genders are welcomed.

 

One on one anything, skulking around (we all know the kind, LOL), texting, phone calls, etc. are not encouraged or welcomed.

 

Dances? No

 

Movies? A group - sure. A tiny group, no.

 

So far I have no reason to distrust my kids sand their social groups are excellent. If that changes, we'll have lots of discussions.

 

 

This is our family too.  So far ds has not gone with any groups without an adult present.  He has some 'adult' friends....LOL....late teens, early 20s....I trust them.  

 

My biggest issue right now is texting.  It can get out of hand easily and I stay on top of that situation.

[Mimm]

I hate to state this so baldly but this relationship dynamic is not a good start on the teen years. I would be working on that foremost. I think if kids behave sneakily, they feel like they have a lot of rules and want to see if they can get around them. So it seems to me that the more you define a bazillion rules, the more you get her looking for loopholes so she can break them.

 

I agree that it's not good and I am working on it. I have always tried my hardest to foster and open and trusting relationship with my kids, but apparently I've failed. :( My two oldest have the same parents but very different in how willing they are to be honest with me.

 

This isn't even the most pressing of issues we're dealing with with her, and she is in therapy right now so there's a lot more I don't feel like posting about on here right now. :)

 

Mimm, this might be totally naive, but can you come up with a list of dating rules with your dd, so that she feels a part of the decision making and can refer to it whenever she is looking for an answer or loophole? Is it possible that figuring out what rules you both can live with, and then writing them down together, might be a way of honoring each other's needs and fears?

 

I do try to engage her in the process but she does that "Well my friend's parents let her do XYZ." She tends to have tunnel vision and only see where I'm being strict, but I know for a fact, from her, that I'm less strict that some of her friends parents in some areas, more strict in others. AND I point out that every parent has their own comfort level and individual kids and what THEY allow isn't terribly relevant. But she fixates on that.

[Mimm]

But I'm seeing that a lot of you have the no one on one dating till sixteen rule so I'm at least reassured that I'm not being outrageously controlling in that area. :)

 

[The Girls' Mom]

I have found that things are always going to have to be defined as you go.  

 

I had a no dating until 16 rule.  So far, no one has had a boyfriend before then.  (Actually, only my oldest has dated at all and she was 18 when she went on her first date....not because of our rules though.)

 

But I have found as I wade through the teen years that my rule isn't hard and fast, and I am very willing to take things case by case.  All of my girls have had male friends that they were close to, and often go out in groups with.  (From age 13ish and up) I wouldn't mind if my 15 year olds had a boyfriend now if he was a good kid.  I do have one young man that I have forbidden them to ever let drive, but that is simply because he texts while driving...he's otherwise a really nice kid. 

 

 

[Murphy101]

I have none.

 

We do not discuss dating rules.

 

We discuss relationship rules.

 

Are you ready for a serious relationship with someone? (If under 16, it's an automatic no here.)

 

If it led to more, do you think you are ready for that?

 

If not, then don't start driving down a road going in a direction you know you don't want to go.

 

It's a long ongoing never ending often returned to discussion.

 

But just like sex is not really about sex, dating is not about dating.

 

In this house, the focus is on positive relationships.

[Spryte]

No defined rules, but lots of talking and positive role modeling. 24 yr old didn't date till his first year in college.

 

For the upcoming teens, we'll take it as it comes, basing decisions on maturity and perceived readiness, though I hope it will be delayed as well.

[Ivey]

We don't have any rules set in stone. Dh and I make decisions on a case-by-case basis, and have made very different decisions for different kids. 

[DawnM]

Haven't had to deal with this yet.  I guess I am lucky.

 

My boys hang out with groups that  have girls in them but so far no special interest.

[MrsWeasley]

My kids are young. I definitely worry about this. I started dating the man who I would eventually marry and start a family at 14. I snuck around to do it. I don't want that kind of relationship with my kids. I also still want to protect them. Fourteen looks so, so young all these years later. I have a hard time envisioning parenting teens.

[Carrie12345]

We don't have defined rules. I agree that they confine parents as much as kids.  If I say "No dating until 16" and, at 16, my child has issues that complicate that, or the person they want to date has issues that complicate that, I'm not going to throw my hands up and say, "Well, you're 16 now. Have fun!"  We cross bridges when we get to them.

[Tsuga]

I always said no one-on-one dates till you're 16. It's AMAZING how much I'm having to defend and negotiate that.

 

What about school dances?

 

Umm, ok school dances are ok since they are big group activities, but only so long as we, your parents, drop you off and pick you up from the dance.

 

What about going to dinner before hand, in a group?

 

Umm... I don't know.

 

What about a double date?

 

No.

 

What about a double date if my sister comes along?

 

Maaaybe?

 

I'm SO TIRED of having to constantly come up with answers to all the "what ifs" and "what abouts"?

 

When you defined dating rules, did you have to cover every single contingency with your child? Because this is driving me nuts.

 

Then there's my 13 year old who says, "I don't want a boyfriend right now. I mean, I have a crush but I'm fine with it being just that. What would be the point?" This is why she's my favorite. (Kidding!)

 

My mother's rules for me when I was in high school were:

 

1. I want to know where you are. I'm your mom, I'm responsible, I just need to know.

 

2. You can tell me anything, but please, if you decide not to, talk to SOMEONE about birth control. And then she proceeded to explain to me how in my family, we are ultra fertile (true) and we can get pregnant just thinking about sex.

 

I followed those rules. Those are the rules I've advocated for our step-daughter, but it's difficult given the different attitudes towards the sex talk and birth control.

 

My kids will have a different opportunity to go to a proper gyro visit before this.

 

I do not think it's usually a good idea to have sex as a young teen before getting ready to be a parent, BUT I also think it's not possible to control everything. I also think some level of control can be counter-productive.

 

The contingencies are covered by the letting go.

 

My mom had to face dating rules. She made it her goal to "get around them". I knew one thing: I'd have to look my mom in the eye and tell the truth, because she'd been honest with me.

 

I can see you have quite different rules. I'm not sure how those will work out. I wish you luck.

[J-rap]

We basically encouraged our kids to not date in high school.  Not because we were really totally against it, or thought it was wrong.  We just know that dating can lead to serious relationships before you're ready, which can really mess you up or at the very least, cut you off from lots of fun stuff since you want to be with that one person all the time.

 

We didn't prevent them from "liking" someone, but our rule generally was no going out alone at night, though with one other person or a group of friends it was fine.  Or, going out alone in the daytime in a public place was fine (local coffeeshop, for example).  Or, they could hang out at our house with us all they wanted.   ;)  We did let them go to prom, etc., though they always went with a group of friends.  (That's what they wanted to do.)  

 

We didn't really work too hard at this, because it's pretty much how our kids wanted to handle it anyway.  It's kind of the way most of their peers handled too it so it wasn't a big deal.

 

In hindsite, I sometimes feel our kids read more into all of that than we meant, and I feel badly about that.  That is, I think some of our kids grew up thinking that having a girlfriend/boyfriend at that age was just wrong.  We never believed it was wrong, it was simply a direction we tried to steer them (or steer them away from, to be more precise).  I guess that's an example of when you think you're explaining something clearly to your children and then you find out years later that you weren't.  (They've forgiven us.   :))

Edited March 4, 2016 by J-rap

[Joyofsixreboot]

We do not have dating rules. We decide on a case-by-case basis what is acceptable for our family. And rules change as the relationship evolves.

This is our policy. We don't have dating or curfew rules. It's too dependent on the kids involved.

[kewb]

In my head there was to be no one on one dating until 16. In reality my ds had his first girlfriend at 14. They saw each other maybe 3 times before it ended. Twice at the town pool. Once at our house to watch a movie (which his little sister chaperoned). At 15 there was the girlfriend who he saw once before she left for sleep away camp. Then came the first semi-serious girlfriend at 16. She came to our house a couple of times and he went to her house a few times. Then she left for the summer. The first more serious girlfriend was also at 16. That was a disaster and I would have loved to have that first girlfriend back.
My dd is 15 and not interested in a boyfriend at this time.

The point I am making is that even though I didn't want my son dating until he was 16 he found girls he was interested in and forbidding him date would have caused more problems. It would have encouraged sneaking around and lies. I would rather know where my kids are and be able to help them navigate the situation.

Edited March 4, 2016 by kewb

[lllll]

nm

Edited March 7, 2016 by _ oq?"

[teachermom2834]

I already replied up thread as one of the posters that is flexible on rules. I did want to add that teen dating has not been a disaster for us. I always discouraged without forbidding and reminded them of all the pitfalls of teen dating and all the benefits of waiting. However, my oldest two ds both have had pretty serious girlfriend starting at about age 15. It would not have been my preference to start that early but it has been fine. We keep communication open and we all have learned a lot about ourselves and other people and our relationships are stronger for having walked through this together.

 

One girlfriend has been an excellent influence and has encouraged one ds to work harder in school and study for his ACT and think about his future.

 

All that to say- while I do believe it is in most cases best to wait some kids are not wired that way and it is possible to manage it in a positive way. It can be uncomfortable at times but most growth is. I am glad I got to be part of this time with my kids and they were not sneaking around or feeling ashamed that they had feelings for someone. Just my opinion!!

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't have any rules, but it also has not come up yet.

 

 

[VaKim]

Ha! Haven't even thought about it. My girls are 21 and 17 and haven't shown any interest in dating. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that they never go out of the house to even meet a boy. I have to "make" them go out with me once in a while. They are self-proclaimed hermits.  :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Ha! Haven't even thought about it. My girls are 21 and 17 and haven't shown any interest in dating. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that they never go out of the house to even meet a boy. I have to "make" them go out with me once in a while. They are self-proclaimed hermits.  :)

 

Hey good for them!

 

LOL

 

I know maybe that's a weird thing to say, but I wish I had not dated until later on. Kind of a waste of time and emotions when you are young. 

[fairfarmhand]

Not really hard and fast rules, but lots of talking about

 

"Why have a relationship now?" and really think about what the end goal is.

 

In junior high relationships, it's about wanting to feel pretty, or special. Enjoying the attention. (Actually saying these things out loud, especially in the context of talking about the girls' friends helps them be honest with themselves) Wanting to fit in. (because every other girl has a boyfriend) And we talked about how unfair it is to expect someone else to prop up your ego. How it's really USING one another to gain status from a relationship. And that's not a good basis for a good friendship with anyone.

 

Also, we talked about how things change SO DRASTICALLY from Jr High to the end of high school and how you're a different person when you get to the other side. The boyfriend relationships that begin in Jr High so seldom last through the end of high school, even if you think you're who you will be, you may not see those changes clearly. That means that the relationship will change or fall apart. Leading to hurt feelings that were unnecessary. It's just so much easier to be friend with lots of people--guys and girls and see what happens along the way.

 

My dds  are pretty common sense. They see/saw their Jr. high friends getting involved in convoluted drama because of boyfriends and crushes. They saw people having hurt feelings over these (too young, immature) relationships and those two people might have had a sweet thing in college, but because of the mess of Jr high, it was impossible. After watching friends do this stuff, they see that it;s SO much more fun/practical/ just.....easy to hang out in large mixed groups. Sometimes, there's some little crushes, but nobody talks about them because if it isn't returned it's embarrassing for BOTH parties and puts people in really awkward situations.

 

My oldest has a boyfriend now. They hung out in large mixed groups for literally YEARS. They know each other very well because of that. They have a very easy, no pressure, fun relationship. He's so good for her. It's all I ever wanted for her. And their end goal is to behave themselves so that if things don't work out long term, they can bump into each other at the mall with their future spouses in a few years and not be embarrassed or awkward about the past.

 

One book that really spells out relationships in a very practical, workable, no nonsense is called Dating with Integrity. Even if you're not a Christian, I think this book will help you figure out how to approach it with you dd.

 

I think with this daughter you may have better luck beginning a long term dialogue about what she wants dating to be. Where she's going and how the things she does now can affect the end goal.  I've got one of those who needed clearly delineated rules and it does get tiring evaluating each and every situation. But, knowing that it was best to minimize the drama of boyfriends and early dating made it worthwhile. With my dd it was as much about having input on the process and really listening to her. It wasn't always about getting her own way.

[dirty ethel rackham]

We never had clear rules.  In our homeschool community, there wasn't much of a dating culture.  Kids just hung out based upon interests.  I know of only one kid in my kids' circle who started dating and he was probably 17 and the girl lived 50 miles away so that limited unsupervised contact.  But that family was also more what some here would call "sex-positive" but mostly less conservative than the rest of the community (not so much about religion because these kids met through mostly inclusive activities.)  My oldest was terrified of girls until his junior year in college when a girl asked him out for hot chocolate.  It took him a while to figure out that it was a date.  Second kid is transgender and is an adult.

 

For dd15, I guess I am being more thoughtful about this mostly because she is more social.  She attends high school part-time.  Attending high school has opened her eyes about dating and she does not have a starry-eyed view about it.  She said that she thinks it is way too much drama and she doesn't have the time or energy for it.  She is part of a climbing team that is co-ed and is friends with lots of boys.  Nobody on her team has paired off.  There was even a sleep over (I think it was to watch their coach in a climbing competition overseas that was live-streaming into the wee-hours of the morning.  Since the parents who hosted it have twins on the team that are boy/girl, the event was co-ed.  If I didn't know these kids and this family, I would have been uncomfortable with it.  Dd sees these boys as her lovable but pesky brothers, not as potential dates. 

[Reefgazer]

I have no dating rules; not even a curfew.  Oh, wait, I do have one rule, no overnights.

 

I have to say, I don't get the strict dating rules.  How are youth supposed to learn the social niceties of dating and appropriate behavior if they never have the opportunity?  These are the kids I saw who went absolutely *wild* as college freshman when there was no parent around to guide them and they were confronted with freedom for the first time in their lives.

 

ETA:  I just read down the thread and see that your DD is a bit troubled, so I don't know what I would do in those circumstances and could see how you might need stricter rules for that.

Edited March 4, 2016 by reefgazer

[PineFarmMom]

It will be on a per child basis. We really discourage dating in high school though. One child had an interest in a relationship her senior year. We had guidelines and parameters around it. Group settings, family activities. She went to a dance with him. He was a very strong Christian with family guidelines like ours. Sweet relationship that actually ended being g a better friendship than relationship. Now this same child is single and has been for 3 years. Her requirements, morally and spiritually, are quite high and she refuses to settle. She has had guys that were interested in her, but she feels strongly about her standards. Had we put our foot down in high school and said no way, I don't think we would have had such a positive turn of events. She needed to start evaluating relationships and how they might fit into her life goals at that point.

[Hoot]

DS is almost 17 and still not interested in dating. He has a bit of a crush on a girl, but he has far too many other things to do besides worry about her or anyone else. As for dances, we're fine with him taking a girl. Up until now, we have chosen to drive him because it was most convenient and he didn't drive. However, this year we'll be getting a limo for him and whatever friends he wants to take, both male and female. We trust him to make good choices, so dinner before would be fine.

 

We don't really have any set in stone rules for either dating or curfew. It is on an event by event basis. He seems to do quite well with self-regulating and has a very strong moral compass.

[Donna]

We live in a very rural area so kids can't really go anywhere one on one until at least one is able to drive so neither of my boys went on a one on one date until they were 16/17 (one had an older female friend). They did go on group dates and school dances and had girls over to the house. My rule for girls at the house is no closed doors. 

 

Not sure what will happen with dd as far as dating goes. Feels like it was easy with the boys. They didn't push to date earlier and sometimes go long periods of time without dating except my oldest ds has dated the same girl off and on for the past three years and they have been pretty steady for the past year +.

[Scarlett]

In my head there was to be no one on one dating until 16. In reality my ds had his first girlfriend at 14. They saw each other maybe 3 times before it ended. Twice at the town pool. Once at our house to watch a movie (which his little sister chaperoned). At 15 there was the girlfriend who he saw once before she left for sleep away camp. Then came the first semi-serious girlfriend at 16. She came to our house a couple of times and he went to her house a few times. Then she left for the summer. The first more serious girlfriend was also at 16. That was a disaster and I would have loved to have that first girlfriend back.

My dd is 15 and not interested in a boyfriend at this time.

 

The point I am making is that even though I didn't want my son dating until he was 16 he found girls he was interested in and forbidding him date would have caused more problems. It would have encouraged sneaking around and lies. I would rather know where my kids are and be able to help them navigate the situation.

Why do you assume your son would have rebelled against your counsel and sneaked around? Does he have a history of doing so?

[Mom-ninja.]

"There's no need for you to date. Mommy will find you a great spouse when she decides it's time for you to get married." 

 

That will work, yes? Cause I like that plan.  :lol:

 

 

 

 

edited to change "wife" to "spouse" 

Edited March 5, 2016 by Mom-ninja.

[Joker]

Why do you assume your son would have rebelled against your counsel and sneaked around? Does he have a history of doing so?

 

My brother met his wife at 15. He did sneak around since my parents didn't want him dating. In the end it worked out since everyone relaxed. They continued dating all through high school and college and have been married more than 20 years now and are very happy with children. He was a good kid with no history of sneaking around. Even good kids who have never rebelled can do so when they don't feel the rules are fair. Dh and I both saw this happen in our families and when it was our turn our parents were more relaxed and things worked out much better. It's one of the reasons we don't have strict rules on dating. 

[HRAAB]

No rules but a lot of conversation about relationships. We do not encourage dating in high school, and only my oldest had a boyfriend when she was 16. Her younger sisters have not. Their friends don't date so that helps. I don't want young romance and broken hearts interfering with school.