What to do about relatives who give you brand new schooly stuff you don't really want?

[luuknam]

So, my in-laws decided to give my kids a subscription to The Magic School Bus science kits. I'm sure they got a discount, but the normal price is $240, so I'm sure they still spent a non-trivial amount of $$$ on it. The problem is, they gave us one MSB kit before (the chemistry one), and I didn't really like it (for one, it required a lot of things "you already have at home", which we of course did NOT "already have at home"), and I'm not convinced I'll like several more MSB kits.

 

What would you do if you were me? MIL takes stuff very personally if I say thanks, but it's not really my thing (really, she might have borderline personality disorder or something), and is likely to ask the kids about the projects they did etc so it's not like I can just give it away because she would find out.

[The Girls' Mom]

Hand them to the kids, say "have fun, and do what you want with it".  They can make weird art, set it on fire, throw it in the trash, whatever.  The kids will have interacted with it, can tell MIL what they thought, and you don't have to deal with finding the junk to go with...lol.

 

I have had several things like that gifted to me.  Sometimes they just got put in the attic to be used at an undetermined "later" and then eventually forgotten about by the gifter.

[Guest]

Say thank you and let the kids go nuts for a week or two and then rehome it, to the recycling cenrer if appropriate.

 

Its good for kids to have things they can beat up on freely imo

[J-rap]

Will your MIL be at your house to see it?  If so, I'd probably open it and let the kids have at it.  If she's not likely to come, I'd sell it on eBay.

[Chris in VA]

I have mixed feelings about that.

I have had a similar experience with books my mom wanted to purchase for us that I didn't really want my dd reading.

There wasn't a big investment, though.

 

While ITA you get to determine what to do with gifts, I also think I'd try it out. Sometimes the quality can vary, and I would try to find something good in it.

 

If MIL asks how you like them, I'd be kind but try to be somewhat direct-- "Thanks for the kits. It was such a nice idea.  If you are looking for something to give, I really love (insert suggestion here)." If she's really not able to accept that what she bought wasn't good, then I'd try to just gloss over it.

 

But, that depends on your relationship.

[Um_2_4]

I got that subscription once and some kits were better than others. I was overall not that excited about it. At your kid's ages, I would let them loose in the kitchen with me nearby to answer any questions/safety issues. That is what I did with the rest of ours.

But I am also not a big fan of the VanCleave books, so ,ymmv.

[gardenmom5]

she's being gracious, and trying to give your kids something that is supportive of home-learning.  say thank you.

I understand.  My mother really wanted to do nice things, be helpful, etc. . . .  sometimes you do need to be gracious and thank the thought. 

 

that doesn't mean you have to use it if it doesn't fit into your plans.  do you have a homeschool bookstore/etc. in your area? or sell them on craigslist once you reach a certain volume?

[klmama]

The money spent doesn't matter.  It wasn't yours.  It was hers.  Thank her for the gift, and let the kids play with it.  Don't think this as as school supplies.  Think of it as an educational toy for the kids - sort of interesting, sort of helpful, but not "school."  If your dc enjoy it, great.  If they don't, oh, well.  It's not school.  It was nice of your mil to think of your dc and give them something, even if it wasn't what you would have chosen. 

[abba12]

So many people have unsupportive family with homeschooling, so be grateful and let her know you're grateful. If you are the 'wishlist' kind of family, perhaps create a wishlist of fun school supplies for the future.

 

As for the kit, I wouldn't treat it as 'school' but I'd make an effort to dedicate an afternoon to it. If it's a subscription I'm guessing it comes once a month? So once a month I'd try to put aside a saturday afternoon to play with it, and then let the kids have free play with it after that. You might find you like it, it's not forever, and it might motivate you to try some hands on stuff you usually wouldn't, but don't make it a weekly 'school' thing, just an occasional project for awhile.

[Tsuga]

You know how some people say "'No' is a complete sentence."? Well, so is "Thank you." It would work well here.

 

As many have suggested, this sounds like a great opportunity for the kids to take charge. "It's Magic School Bus science afternoons--go for it and improvise, kids!" Have them take videos for grandma. It's impossible that they will learn absolutely nothing. Kids are happy, grandma's happy, life is good.

 

I have gotten so many ugly clothes for babies. Every time: "Thank you so much!" Put on baby. Take baby to park. Take pictures. Baby doesn't care. Auntie is thrilled to see her dress on Facebook. The payoff in relationship is so, so much greater than the pain of looking at something eye-bleedingly ugly.

 

And yes, now a lot of baby pictures I have are of my kids in ugly clothes. At the time it felt like, ugh, that dress is so ugly, WHY. But now, you don't even notice it. I think the same will happen with the science kit. Now, you're immersed in curricula and obsessing over detail because you're the teacher. But 15 years from now, all you all will remember were the free, creative science afternoons and grandma's hugs "I am so glad you liked it!!!!"

 

So much joy can come of so little 'sacrifice' of control, it's got to be worth it.

Edited February 29, 2016 by Tsuga

[marbel]

My MIL has sent all all sorts of stuff we didn't want or that we thought we couldn't use.  Sometimes it turned out the things were OK after all; sometimes the kids would cannibalize the kit or whatever and do something else.  Sometimes we'd just get rid of it in whatever way was best.

 

In any case, two things I learned:

 

1.  It was her money and none of my business how she spent it.

 

2.  Since it was my MIL, if I had concerns I'd discuss with my spouse, and he would deal with it if necessary.  So for example, if I was concerned that she was spending too much money, I spoke to her son, and if he shared my concern he would talk to her. Or if she was sending things that were completely age-inappropriate (as in, for kids much younger than ours), I would have him tell her.  I never confront or correct my in-laws; instead their adult child handles any of that sort of thing. 

 

So, just say thanks and leave it at that, or if it's not possible to leave it at that, have your wife talk to her mom about it. 

[reign]

I agree with you on the Kits. We have several I picked up on clearance. I'd just get them out and do what ya can. There's at least one or two projects you can easily do. My kids enjoyed them. Or just hand them to the kids. The human body one we liked the least because we needed lots of random stuff to make it work, but it comes with a large poster and sticker organs. That was an exciting 5 minutes for my kids. LOL then I let them have the rest to create with. Killed an hour. It's a win!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Those kits are so easy for kids to use on their own.  And how hard is it to grab some missing item you need at the grocery store when you happen to be there?  I'd just thank her and as others have said, have the kids do some of it on weekends or other free times. 

[Ausmumof3]

Send them to me 😆

Seriously though it depends on who gave it and what they're like. If they're the type that will be upset that the kids wrecked it I'd put it up in a prominent place and work through one or two of the things so the kids could talk about it and keep them happy. If they aren't likely to care too much I'd let the kids get what they can out of it without worrying too much.

[solascriptura]

Accept it graciously and let the kids play with it.  Unless the gift is offensive, the best course is to accept all gifts with a sincere thank you.

Edited February 29, 2016 by solascriptura

[katilac]

That sounds like a thoughtful, well-intentioned gift. Plus kids generally LOVE getting stuff in the mail, yeah? 

 

I would just thanks, use all the fun bits that don't require a ton of expensive add-ons, and take some pics. We've done a ton of science kits in our time; I can't imagine MSB ones being too onerous. 

[luuknam]

Send them to me 😆

 

I think the shipping would be prohibitively expensive for that. I just mailed en envelope to my parents in NL and it cost me $22, and these kits are much bigger and Australia is much further away.

 

It's not that I need to be in control. It's that the kids aren't old enough to do these things completely on their own (and they'll whine if I just hand it to them and refuse to do it *with* them), and at least in the chemistry kit there were like 30 things I ended up having to buy for it, which is NOT trivial to just pick up in the grocery store (I made a list, bought most of the stuff, and then ended up never getting around to actually doing more than the first couple of experiments).

 

In other words, she's putting me between a rock and a hard place. She'll ask the kids about the kits, so they'll know they're supposed to be getting the kits, so I can't just secretly get rid of them. And then the kids will want *me* to do them with them, which involves *me* having to buy additional stuff and figure out the kits and all that kind of stuff. Why is she putting this extra stress on me? WHY!?!? It's not "nice of her". She's not being thoughtful. For xmas last year (2014) she asked what she should get the kids and gave a price range. I made a few suggestions (within that price range), and she didn't like any of them, including one that she didn't like "because it's too easy for the kids". Seriously. She *keeps* ticking me off by sending gifts I don't want, like toys that are too loud, etc. Multiple times per year.

[mamiof5]

I'd use it at least once, take cute pictures and mail them to her together with nice thank you notes from the kids. It might not be my preferred choice, but I'd truly appreciate her thoughtfulness.

[Rosie_0801]

You don't have a spare uncle to outsource them to? My brother will do stuff like that and I believe he should be sainted for it.

[TrixieB]

Save the MSB kits for the summer, when you have time to help the kids with them as needed?

[Tsuga]

I'm sorry.

 

Some people are terrible at giving gifts. I still think it's best to say thanks and try your best. Try not to stress about it.  :grouphug:

 

My ex-h buys my kids electronics. Loud, horrible electronics. I hate it. The kids still say thank you and I try my best to facilitate normal use. I have to put things together, etc. I mean this stuff is HARD to use and of course he doesn't know because he's never put together any of it! And it's expensive.

 

Oh, well.

[JustEm]

I would give them to the kids, if they whine for help just encourage them to do it on their own, if they can't and continue to whine then put it away and tell them they can use them when they're able and willing to try to use them. If the gift giver asks about the kits simply state the kids weren't ready for them but they can try them out once they are.

[LMD]

I would totally drop my partner in it. Gee, thanks mil, I'm sure that *your child* will enjoy doing this with the kids when she gets time - be sure to ask her about it! Then make it clear to your wife that although you appreciate the sentiment, you just can't manage these and she either can do it herself or tell her mom to stop!

I mean, do what you can with genuine gratefulness (despite the Mil's intentions) but I wouldn't borrow that guilt.

[heartlikealion]

I would totally drop my partner in it. Gee, thanks mil, I'm sure that *your child* will enjoy doing this with the kids when she gets time - be sure to ask her about it! Then make it clear to your wife that although you appreciate the sentiment, you just can't manage these and she either can do it herself or tell her mom to stop!

I mean, do what you can with genuine gratefulness (despite the Mil's intentions) but I wouldn't borrow that guilt.

 

:laugh: This sounds perfect. Maybe it will make the OP's spouse aware of the issue or reveal a love of the kits.

 

I feel for you, OP. I have the same trouble with a few things where I know my in-laws will ask about it. We have tried to nicely tell our in-laws that ds doesn't need toys and we encouraged more experience gifts. My SIL and BIL got the message and gave ds and dh a joint movie pass at Christmas. We are going to celebrate ds' birthday early when we visit soon and I just know that means more tangible stuff we don't need, but I think we'll just say thank you and move on.

[gardenmom5]

I'm sorry.

 

Some people are terrible at giving gifts. I still think it's best to say thanks and try your best. Try not to stress about it.  :grouphug:

 

My ex-h buys my kids electronics. Loud, horrible electronics. I hate it. The kids still say thank you and I try my best to facilitate normal use. I have to put things together, etc. I mean this stuff is HARD to use and of course he doesn't know because he's never put together any of it! And it's expensive.

 

Oh, well.

do they take batteries?   there can be animosity behind those types of gifts.  be sure and send them with the kids when they visit . . . . with low batteries, so he has to buy more.

[MedicMom]

My kids adore them. We are working through the dinosaur kit right now and my five year old has actually learned a lot. I don't find I have to do a whole lot of oversight, but my older two are very independent and don't want any help. We haven't tried the chemistry kit yet, but we loved some of the others. The germ one is still talked about.

I would just go through and do whichever experiments you wanted. You don't have to do all of them.

[Halftime Hope]

Luuknam, while this isn't the easiest for you for a number of reasons (all valid), I will tell you from our experience that some of these free play/exploration/experimentation experiences are ones that turn into great memories for kids.  (Surprise, surprise, right?)

 

You may also find that it sparks a real interest in a subject for a kid.  At the very least, they may enjoy tinkering with the kit, moreso if or your spouse are happily engaged with the kids while they are exploring.

 

 

[Valley Girl]

Most people are truly trying to be thoughtful and helpful and considerate when giving a gift. I don't know if that's your MIL or not. But in the absence of genuine proof to the contrary, a sincere "thank you" with something nice said about the gift is best, in my opinion. That said, the gift sounds like a wonderful activity to send with them when the go to Grandma's house to visit. Because they want to share the fun with her.

[Alessandra]

I agree with others who posted that it is a nice gift. I never did the MSB kits myself, because I thought the prices we're high. But my kids loved the videos. If your kids haven't seen the videos, I'd get them from the library and let kids do the kits. IMO, MSB does a great job of sparking kids' interest in science.

 

This is meant gently, but if mother in law asks if you all enjoyed the kits she spent $240 on, I would be hesitant to call that borderline personality disorder. Obviously, I don't know family background though.

 

As for extra supplies, one easy way to approach that is to make a science supply box. Mine has paper plates, plastic cups, styrofoam plates and cups, balloons, empty plastic soda bottles, ping pong balls, and stuff like that, because I don't normally have those things on hand. I also include an extra set of normal things, like sharpies and scissors, because they tend to disappear when needed, lol.

[luuknam]

You don't have a spare uncle to outsource them to? My brother will do stuff like that and I believe he should be sainted for it.

 

Unfortunately, they have a grand total of one uncles/aunts, which is my autistic brother in The Netherlands. So, he's too far away, and he'd flip worse than me trying to cope with the kids + kits. We have zero family in the area. I have considered asking one of my friends here if we want to round up her and my kids and have them do the kits together (at her house), so I may give that a try.

 

I would totally drop my partner in it. Gee, thanks mil, I'm sure that *your child* will enjoy doing this with the kids when she gets time - be sure to ask her about it! Then make it clear to your wife that although you appreciate the sentiment, you just can't manage these and she either can do it herself or tell her mom to stop!

 

Well, the good news is that last night my wife saw I was overwhelmed/upset (as in, I took a klonopin upset), and she decided that while she doesn't like dealing with her mom (they rarely talk), she also doesn't like dealing with me when I'm like that, so she texted her mom to tell her to stop sending the kids gifts without consulting us first.

 

That said, the gift sounds like a wonderful activity to send with them when the go to Grandma's house to visit. Because they want to share the fun with her.

 

Unfortunately, grandma lives over 1000 miles away, and last time the kids visited there she pressured my kid into a drastic haircut he now regrets, left the kids with someone I've never met without letting me know first, and it also involved a lot of air plane drama. That was in December, and I'm not feeling inspired to send them there again in the foreseeable future.

 

And I know I'm overreacting, it's just that I've been sick a lot this winter, I have generalized anxiety disorder as well as some EF issues, this is our first year homeschooling, and I'm just feeling overwhelmed with all the normal stuff. Thing is though, that MIL knows this - she knows I get overwhelmed/stressed out easily, she's witnessed me shut down on occasion, sometimes to the point of me not being able to talk (the not being able to talk is rare, but quite real when it happens).

[chicagoshannon]

If it was something from MIL I wasn't fond of, it would get put in our "Saturday" pile for DH to do with the kids.  His mom, his chore.

[luuknam]

This is meant gently, but if mother in law asks if you all enjoyed the kits she spent $240 on, I would be hesitant to call that borderline personality disorder. Obviously, I don't know family background though.

 

Right, it's the background (which I don't feel a need to spell out here). Of course it makes sense to ask the kids if they enjoyed the kits. It's that telling her, no matter how gently, that thank you, but gifts like that stress me out too much because I've got mental health problems so could she please in the future check with us first will lead to her acting extremely hurt, getting mad at us, etc, which is NOT a normal reaction. And I could come up with other extreme reactions of hers unrelated to gifts, but this is not about her... I threw that thought in there just to say that normal rational discussions with her don't work.

Edited February 29, 2016 by luuknam

[katilac]

 <snip>

 

It's not that I need to be in control. It's that the kids aren't old enough to do these things completely on their own (and they'll whine if I just hand it to them and refuse to do it *with* them), and at least in the chemistry kit there were like 30 things I ended up having to buy for it, which is NOT trivial to just pick up in the grocery store (I made a list, bought most of the stuff, and then ended up never getting around to actually doing more than the first couple of experiments).

 

In other words, she's putting me between a rock and a hard place. She'll ask the kids about the kits, so they'll know they're supposed to be getting the kits, so I can't just secretly get rid of them. And then the kids will want *me* to do them with them, which involves *me* having to buy additional stuff and figure out the kits and all that kind of stuff. Why is she putting this extra stress on me? WHY!?!? It's not "nice of her". She's not being thoughtful. For xmas last year (2014) she asked what she should get the kids and gave a price range. I made a few suggestions (within that price range), and she didn't like any of them, including one that she didn't like "because it's too easy for the kids". Seriously. She *keeps* ticking me off by sending gifts I don't want, like toys that are too loud, etc. Multiple times per year.

 

Okay, she doesn't have good intentions (toward you, at least), and she doesn't listen to your requests/advice. So, you either don't use the kits and let the chips fall where they may, or you use the kits in your own manner and don't worry about the cost. 

 

There is no way you are going to convince the kids that a bus-shaped package filled with test tubes, pipettes, and litmus paper is not a fun and exciting thing, lol. From what you say, there is also no way the in-laws are suddenly going to happily take your suggestions for gifts. Thus, I would use the kits in my own manner. Yes, they are over-priced for what you get, but it's not up to me how other people spend their money. I prefer to not sweat the small stuff, even if the small stuff is wrapped in passive-aggressiveness. 

 

Chemistry is probably the worst for needing extras, but even at that it's only stuff like vinegar, alcohol, raisins - and you don't have to buy the entire list, just pick and choose experiments. This is very easily part of school time for kids your age. Tell them, "We will be doing x, y, and z together in science class. After that, you can use the kit on your own or wait until the next one." 

 

Sometimes it helps a lot to have a monthly Project Day. It clears the schedule for the teacher and makes it easier to plan, and it cuts down on the kids asking to do things in between - "Add that to the Project Day list, honey!" 

 

I sympathize with you on their lack of understanding, but this would be very low down on my list of things to bring to the table for discussion. 

 

Oh, one more thought: do you know any moms with kids in the MSB age range? If my mom friend had an expensive kit subscription and didn't want to bother with it, I would have been happy as heck to do it with both her kids and mine! 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Right, it's the background (which I don't feel a need to spell out here). Of course it makes sense to ask the kids if they enjoyed the kits. It's that telling her, no matter how gently, that thank you, but gifts like that stress me out too much because I've got mental health problems so could she please in the future check with us first will lead to her acting extremely hurt, getting mad at us, etc, which is NOT a normal reaction. And I could come up with other extreme reactions of hers unrelated to gifts, but this is not about her... I threw that thought in there just to say that normal rational discussions with her don't work.

 

Gently, it is not your MIL's job to help manage your mental health problems.  The simple formula for handling gifts is to say thank you and then deal with the gift as you see fit.  If it causes you too much anxiety to do the kit with the children then you have options - anything from giving the gift to Goodwill to having someone else (whether the kids on their own or with another adult) do the gift.  And you don't have to do anything with the gift on any kind of timeline.  So if deciding what to do with the gift causes it's own anxiety, then put it in a closet and shut the door.  You can't control your MIL - her gift giving or her emotions and reactions.  I'm not negating or dissing your feelings and mental health issues but you can't put that on her. 

[luuknam]

Gently, it is not your MIL's job to help manage your mental health problems.  The simple formula for handling gifts is to say thank you and then deal with the gift as you see fit.  If it causes you too much anxiety to do the kit with the children then you have options - anything from giving the gift to Goodwill to having someone else (whether the kids on their own or with another adult) do the gift.  And you don't have to do anything with the gift on any kind of timeline.  So if deciding what to do with the gift causes it's own anxiety, then put it in a closet and shut the door.  You can't control your MIL - her gift giving or her emotions and reactions.  I'm not negating or dissing your feelings and mental health issues but you can't put that on her. 

 

If I were in a wheel chair, and my MIL kept giving gifts that required me to get up and jump around with the kids, it would be my problem?

 

Really, it's not rocket science to *ask* before giving a gift, especially when requested to do so. Or to at least not flip out when told that "thank you, but sorry, but we didn't do this kit with the kids because I can't handle it".

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is really a tough one.  My MIL sends German books and German educational things for the kids quite regularly.  We have a lot of this stuff and have not really used any of it.  I feel like my husband should say something.  Not to be mean and seem ungrateful, but to save her some money!  He won't though.  Probably she'd flip out so I don't blame him really.

 

I would have no qualms about telling my dad this is something the kids aren't interested in or whatever.  He wouldn't be upset.  He wants to get them stuff they will use and want. 

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

If I were in a wheel chair, and my MIL kept giving gifts that required me to get up and jump around with the kids, it would be my problem?

 

Really, it's not rocket science to *ask* before giving a gift, especially when requested to do so. Or to at least not flip out when told that "thank you, but sorry, but we didn't do this kit with the kids because I can't handle it".

 

Since your children do not live in a vacuum, it isn't unreasonable to give them gifts that they can use (or not - again, it is your family's choice) without you. 

[marbel]

If I were in a wheel chair, and my MIL kept giving gifts that required me to get up and jump around with the kids, it would be my problem?

 

Really, it's not rocket science to *ask* before giving a gift, especially when requested to do so. Or to at least not flip out when told that "thank you, but sorry, but we didn't do this kit with the kids because I can't handle it".

 

It would be your spouse's problem.   Really, this is the kind of thing the spouse should handle with their own parent.  Otherwise, the child-in-law becomes the bad guy in the story. 

 

Sounds like your wife has started handling it, so... great!   Hope it is resolved.  

 

[Tsuga]

 

 

Really, it's not rocket science to *ask* before giving a gift, especially when requested to do so. Or to at least not flip out when told that "thank you, but sorry, but we didn't do this kit with the kids because I can't handle it".

 

I have never in my life heard of asking before giving a gift, unless the gift requires scheduling. Or rather--if people ask, it was unusual. Generally people just send whatever they want. Maybe that is the norm in the Netherlands? But on the West Coast of the US at least I would say it's unusual to ask. That "ruins the surprise". Especially old people.

 

And I know a LOT of people who would be miffed if repeatedly told (why?) that the gift was not used.

[mathnerd]

she also doesn't like dealing with me when I'm like that, so she texted her mom to tell her to stop sending the kids gifts without consulting us first.

 

That is the more appropriate way to deal with this situation - your wife talks to her parents about their unwanted gifts. I suggest that you mark a time of the week on the family calendar as "Hands On Science Time" and let your wife and kids do science experiments with the kits and you take a nap or go out by yourself or get some "me time".

[luuknam]

It would be your spouse's problem.   Really, this is the kind of thing the spouse should handle with their own parent.  Otherwise, the child-in-law becomes the bad guy in the story.

 

Except my kids are too young to understand that I'm not the bad guy. They see me as the bad guy over stuff like this.

[marbel]

Except my kids are too young to understand that I'm not the bad guy. They see me as the bad guy over stuff like this.

 

"Mom, I know you mean well sending the kits, but they simply don't work for us. The kids are too young to do them alone, and Luuknam and I are not able to help them.  If you can stop the subscription, that'd be great.  If not, we will give the rest of the kits to someone we know* who can use them.  Please check with us before making any of these kinds of purchases in the future, OK?" 

 

If your wife does not want to do that, then ask her what she expects the kids to say when her mother asks them about the kits.   Or ask her to work on the kits with the kids.  You don't need to be the bad guy.  

'

(*Since your MIL lives far away and you don't visit, it doesn't matter if this is a lie.)

 

 

[Alessandra]

Right, I wondered if there might be more background than what you originally included. Thank you for clarifying.

[katilac]

Seriously, if you can think of a mom who would do the kits with your kids and hers, that would solve all of your problems. 

 

I would have been slap-happy to be handed an expensive science kit and two extra kids when mine were that age. Heck, I'd be seriously tempted to do it now, and my kids are in high school, lol. If you don't know anyone super well or don't want to add something to the schedule, just bring one to park day and ask if anyone is up for it.

 

It's tough when you're in a season where every additional thing seems overwhelming, but this gift really seems like they might be trying to be thoughtful. It seems supportive of homeschooling and it's in the right age range for both kids. It's a kit and there are two parents in the house, so I don't think most people would even consider that it's a frustrating or troublesome gift - I get that it is, for you right now, but I think it's reasonable to assume that they meant well with this particular gift, maybe even tried hard to find something that was fun and seemed easy. 

 

I saw that you posted about asking a friend, so I'd plan on doing exactly that and otherwise quit thinking about it. 

 

 

[Dmmetler]

Or, do you know anyone who does a co-op? That sounds like an awesome set up for a k-2 or k-3 co-op class, where each mom takes one kit home, figures out what to do, and leads all the kids through the projects. We did that when a friend bought e entire Disney Imagineering set and then had it sit on a shelf for a year, and it was one of our best co-ops. Turned out a lot of people had science and engineering stuff at home they hadn't actually done yet!

[EmseB]

Except my kids are too young to understand that I'm not the bad guy. They see me as the bad guy over stuff like this.

 

If your wife handles this with her mom, why do the kids even have to see the kits in the first place?

 

To be honest, I think you've gotten a lot of good suggestions in the thread on how to handle it, or not handle it, and from your posts it seems like you are determined to let the kits and situation upset you.  I get that family dynamics can be tricky, but at some point it just isn't profitable to dwell on them and get upset over it.  You're giving your MIL too much power over your own mental health and emotions.  Do what you want with the kits since they are a gift, let your wife deal with the fall out, and just let it go.

[T'smom]

I totally understand in-laws that give gifts that you don't want! But if it makes you feel any better, we have subscribed to that before and it really does come with most everything. They do assume you have a few things like water! And they can do a lot on their own. O course, if I was you, I would tell my spouse "hey, this is from your parents- you deal with it"!

[Pen]

Have the kids write very nice Thank You notes to their grandma. Have the kids send a very nice follow up after determining what additional stuff they need to do the kits requesting that for next gift, grandma send whatever it is that they need to actually use the kits they want to do. Possibly let the kids work on the kits while the phone is on speaker with grandma or with a skype connection. Let it be between grandma and the kids albeit long distance.

 

Or let the kids send a Thank You, and then see if they can use it on their own, and if they can't let it sit on a shelf till they can.

 

Or let the kids send a Thank You and then use it with friends who have a parent who maybe can oversee them and their friend(s) kit use, and would appreciate having the kit--or similar with a co-op situation, but in any case some way you don't have to be the one overseeing it.

 

We never used MSB, but my ds did enjoy kits even if not all of it could be done.

[Pen]

If I were in a wheel chair, and my MIL kept giving gifts that required me to get up and jump around with the kids, it would be my problem?

 

Really, it's not rocket science to *ask* before giving a gift, especially when requested to do so. Or to at least not flip out when told that "thank you, but sorry, but we didn't do this kit with the kids because I can't handle it".

 

 

The general standard IME is to ask if gifting a live animal. Otherwise not, IME.

 

We have had to request some change in that from frequent gift givers because of ds's allergy type problems...and they still forget or don't understand (such as an organic cotton shirt, but with plastic designs all over such that the organic cotton does not help) and that does get tricky. but "Thank You" is still the correct response to a gift. No matter what you end up doing with it.  And unless it is dangerous for them, I presume this was a gift to the kids, not you. So the Thank You should be from them, and the use by them, whatever use they can make of it, including that they could gift it to a friend. If it was gifted to you, say Thank you, and then do whatever you want with it such as Good Will or gift it to a friend of yours.  .

[Guest]

I have heard that some of those kits are better than others. But I have to chuckle about "items you have at home," because I say that ALL the time. No, I don't have a two-liter soda bottle! And I might have a metal brad, but if I do, it could be anywhere.