AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Most of you are familiar with my Marvelous Flying Marco (DS3) and his antics :) My mother wants me to send him and DS6, with her, to my aunt's house to see my grandparents who are coming into town (well, "around" town - about an hour from us). My aunt's house is on a lake (as in, the lake is completely UNSECURED in her backyard); her front yard is a driveway with cars in and out constantly. Who will be there? (with notes, so that the rest of my post makes sense) My mother is disabled. Every day, when I talk to her on the phone, she complains of severe pain, an extremity going numb, dizziness, and/or blackouts. My grandmother is elderly and had a fairly recent hip replacement - she has difficult sitting and standing quickly, much less running after Marco. My grandfather is elderly, diabetic, and is in the beginning stages of dementia; he has trouble staying steady on his feet. My mother's husband... well, all Mom ever says about him is about how horribly he treats her and I barely know the man (he has barely said a dozen words to me in the 2 years I've known him). I think *maybe* a cousin will be there, too - but she's never been with my children without me present, and even then only for an hour or so. Despite the descriptions above, she insists that there are plenty of adults who are "perfectly capable" of running after Marco and keeping him safe in this environment, as well as watching DS6. This is MARCO we're talking about here. She KNOWS how many babysitters we've been through. Why? Not because he's badly behaved; he's just exhausting, and unless you know him intimately, you never know what death-defying stunt he's going to try to pull off. He exhausts even his perfectly fit, young babysitter! None of these people (my mother, my grandparents) know him intimately or very well. My mother stayed here with the kids once, overnight, while I had surgery - she fairly ran out the door as soon as I got home (and she had tons of help with the kids this time, too). Other than that, just the occasional visit when I've been here to run after him. Then there's DS6. Who is going to watch him if all eyes are on Marco? We (me and DH) can't go. We will (literally) be moving over that week - movers are already scheduled (we didn't find out my grandparents were coming into the area until about a week ago, and by that point we had already scheduled furniture deliveries and the moving company), furniture will be delivered, and we will be eye-ball deep in last minute packing. We WILL get to see my grandparents - just not next weekend (they'll be here for a few weeks). My mother is sincerely upset with me... and I, with her, in turn. I said "no" and DH said "no" (to her taking the boys). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I would be hesitant to send a 6 year old and there is no way I'd send the 3 year old. There are real hazards and too few physically capable people. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Nope, nope, nope. Children are precious and irreplaceable. 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 No. It's okay to sometimes upset our loved ones when they're being unreasonable and not seeing things clearly. It's not fun but my children's safety always comes first. They get upset with me and I with them but I keep my upset to myself and dh so things don't get too bad. You made the right decision. :grouphug: 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof4babes Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Absolutely not! If it was very important, I would leave DH with the move related stuff, and make the drive to visit for a couple hours. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 No, wouldn't do it even with calm 3 and 6 year old's. Remind her that the kids will take all of her time/energy and she will get 0% visiting done. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 No way would I send the Marvelous Flying Marco. I'd seriously hesitate to send the 6 year old as well. You made the right decision. They're your kids. You get to make the final decision, not your Mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I wouldn't send my 12 and 10 year olds. It doesn't sound as if there are any competent caregivers. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I'm a big believer in letting kids spend time with older adults, but it that situation, NO WAY. I've read what your dear son is capable of doing. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Hahaha. Really??? It's great they will be visiting for a while so you'll be able to see them. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Nope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I wouldn't let him go either. I have a difficult child and I just worry more about her than I did my other kids. The adults will get over it and life will go on. Sometimes older people forget how much one-on-one attention a little kid needs. It can't be a free for all with who is responsible to keep an eye on someone that age. There has to be one person responsible at all times, and it sounds like there are going to be a lot of distractions that would make that hard for one person to do. You child's safety is first and foremost and that is all that matters. If you are not comfortable with it and neither is your husband, then no-one else's opinion counts. When you are a parent with kids like ours, you just see the environment different: They see a pile of boxes in the corner, you see a box climbing wall. They see a bbq grill in the back yard, you see a child making it snow... with ash. They see a car in a garage with tools, you see your child taking out a headlight with a hammer. :grouphug: :grouphug: It is really hard when you know your family is trying to be nice, but it just isn't the right time for this particular arrangement/situation. :grouphug: :grouphug: 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Absolutely, positively NO. And don't feel guilty about it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 Oh, we aren't sending the 6 year old either! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I'm almost always in favor of letting kids spend time with grandparents and great grandparents, but this setup screams all kinds of no. I can appreciate that they want to spend time with your kids (my own father actively ignores my grands) but not like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 I needed this. Thank you. Especially since, being so deep in packing boxes, I'm running out of places to hide them from Marco's view. I have absolutely every intention of buying nice tall baby gates for the stairs at the new house... and then hiring the sitter to stay THERE with the boys all day, one day, while I finish packing here (because it simply IS NOT HAPPENING with the boys, lol). We caught the builders before they finished the floors and DH wisely requested double padding under the carpet of the entire second floor (where the bedrooms are). I'm unapologetically excited about having carpet with extra padding in Marco's bedroom and the playroom. Because, yeah - that's the kind of kid he is. I wouldn't let him go either. I have a difficult child and I just worry more about her than I did my other kids. The adults will get over it and life will go on. Sometimes older people forget how much one-on-one attention a little kid needs. It can't be a free for all with who is responsible to keep an eye on someone that age. There has to be one person responsible at all times, and it sounds like there are going to be a lot of distractions that would make that had for one person to do. You child's safety is first and foremost and that is all that matters. If you are not comfortable with it and neither is your husband, then no-one else's opinion counts. When you are a parent with kids like ours, you just see the environment different: They see a pile of boxes in the corner, you see a box climbing wall. They see a bbq grill in the back yard, you see a child making it snow... with ash. They see a car in a garage with tools, you see your child taking out a headlight with a hammer. :grouphug: :grouphug:It is really hard when you know your family is trying to be nice, but it just isn't the right time for a particular arrangement/situation. :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 No way, no how. I'd thank her for the offer, tell her how much it means to me that they want to have the kiddos, and tell her that you'll do you best to find a better time for them to visit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 I'm almost always in favor of letting kids spend time with grandparents and great grandparents, but this setup screams all kinds of no. I can appreciate that they want to spend time with your kids (my own father actively ignores my grands) but not like this. I can about guarantee that my grandparents had nothing to do with this request. They adore their great grandchildren but are very aware of their limitations. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 This is the first time I hear of your Marco (haven't been around for long). But regardless of his behavior... sending 2 of my kids under the circumstances you describe? No way on earth. We have relatives who use foul language around kids (dh and I don't like it), drive very poorly, and encourage our kids to tell us petty lies. We don't allow them to take the kids anywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Another no vote here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Nope, no way would I send them. And on another note. My mother is disabled. Every day, when I talk to her on the phone, she complains of severe pain, an extremity going numb, dizziness, and/or blackouts. Those are all signs of B12 and Iron deficiencies. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Not in this lifetime. Your mother is delusional. Sorry. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 No. But I would arrange to go so everyone can visit with you and the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Absolutely not. I don't that even I am up to the task of securing the Marvelous Flying Marco. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 Nope, no way would I send them. And on another note. My mother is disabled. Every day, when I talk to her on the phone, she complains of severe pain, an extremity going numb, dizziness, and/or blackouts. Those are all signs of B12 and Iron deficiencies. Official DX is lupus, epilepsy, and thyroid disease. I wouldn't doubt that she has iron deficiencies as well; I believe she has (had such deficiencies) in the past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 :smilielol5: No. :smilielol5: In the spirit of JAWMing, I think I'll vote this the stupidest idea presented on the Hive this week. :smilielol5: :smilielol5: :smilielol5: :smilielol5: Mine wasn't quite as, uh, creative as your Marco and he'd have spent his visit in the lake. Probably not drowning, but of course no one knows that until he hasn't. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 No way. You're doing the right thing. Just visit them later when you and dh can take the kids there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Yet another vote for NO WAY! You are doing the right thing, Aimee. Stick to your guns! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 No. But I would arrange to go so everyone can visit with you and the kids. We absolutely can't. Had we known weeks ago when this was initially planned, we probably could have - but at this point we have already scheduled furniture deliveries and moving companies and will need every day we have to pack. We only found out a week ago that they were going to be in the area, and then only a few DAYS ago that my mother was coming into town to visit with them and wanted us to come, too. My grandparents will be in the area for weeks and we already have plans to see them - just not next weekend. My mom sees us fairly frequently since she only lives a couple hours from us. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Emphatically not. I wouldn't send ANY child into that situation without me or dh. Don't explain it to death with your mom, either. Just say no. "That won't work for us, Mom. Thanks anyway." Lather, rinse, repeat. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 Not in this lifetime. Your mother is delusional. Sorry. Almost exactly what DH said. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I wouldn't let him go either. I have a difficult child and I just worry more about her than I did my other kids. The adults will get over it and life will go on. Sometimes older people forget how much one-on-one attention a little kid needs. It can't be a free for all with who is responsible to keep an eye on someone that age. There has to be one person responsible at all times, and it sounds like there are going to be a lot of distractions that would make that had for one person to do. You child's safety is first and foremost and that is all that matters. If you are not comfortable with it and neither is your husband, then no-one else's opinion counts. When you are a parent with kids like ours, you just see the environment different: They see a pile of boxes in the corner, you see a box climbing wall. They see a bbq grill in the back yard, you see a child making it snow... with ash. They see a car in a garage with tools, you see your child taking out a headlight with a hammer. :grouphug: :grouphug:It is really hard when you know your family is trying to be nice, but it just isn't the right time for a particular arrangement/situation. :grouphug: :grouphug: LOL, That's the kind of kid I was. It took 4 grown women to keep up with me on an average Sunday after church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 You would think that having spent a very eventful night babysitting this child (in our home/his territory) and being privy to the VERY eventful weekend that my youngest sister spent with him (while we were just down the street at a hotel), she would have thought this through... but, meh - I guess not. Like your little guy would have, Marco would absolutely be IN that lake. He can't swim, so... well - I can't believe she even asked. I'll admit I was caught completely off guard when she DID. Because I'm told frequently that I'm too paranoid about this particular child, I *did* ask DH before telling my mom "no" - DH looked at me like I was nuts, said "no way" and reminded me that Marco's therapists all about had a fit when they thought the subdivision we were moving into had a (fenced in!) pool in the backyard (it does NOT - there's a key-code secured subdivision pool about a mile from us)... a lake? Just no. :smilielol5: No. :smilielol5: In the spirit of JAWMing, I think I'll vote this the stupidest idea presented on the Hive this week. :smilielol5: :smilielol5: :smilielol5: :smilielol5: Mine wasn't quite as, uh, creative as your Marco and he'd have spent his visit in the lake. Probably not drowning, but of course no one knows that until he hasn't. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Just no. Actually the more people who are "in charge", the less responsible any one of them will be. I had a close call once when leaving our 2 year old under the care of 2 sets of grandparents and dh. None of them knew he had made his way down to the nearby lake. I had specifically asked them to watch him while I went to get some food. I returned to see a friend coming up from the lake with my 2 year old. They had no idea he wasn't with them. :scared: :cursing: All of the adults were very capable of watching a child, but as a group, it was a total fail. The only way I would send your kids in that situation is to send a sitter with them since you can't go. The sitter could keep an eye on two of them since she wouldn't be interacting too much with the adults. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 My grandparents will be in the area for weeks and we already have plans to see them - just not next weekend. My mom sees us fairly frequently since she only lives a couple hours from us. Well, there you go. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 OMG. I bet that was so scary! I feel sick for you just thinking about it. My heart ould have been in my shoes! Mom is having a hard time coming to terms with her illnesses and disabilities. I am trying to be absolutely as supportive as I can be... but I know her limitations are real (having seen them first-hand) and I can't send the kids with her. Sending the sitter would be seen as a direct slap in the face by her, though :( Just no. Actually the more people who are "in charge", the less responsible any one of them will be. I had a close call once when leaving our 2 year old under the care of 2 sets of grandparents and dh. None of them knew he had made his way down to the nearby lake. I had specifically asked them to watch him while I went to get some food. I returned to see a friend coming up from the lake with my 2 year old. They had no idea he wasn't with them. :scared: :cursing: All of the adults were very capable of watching a child, but as a group, it was a total fail. The only way I would send your kids in that situation is to send a sitter with them since you can't go. The sitter could keep an eye on two of them since she wouldn't be interacting too much with the adults. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Not a chance. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 DS6 knows Grandma, but hasn't spent much quality time with her. Marco... can I be honest? I'm not sure why, but he doesn't respond well to her. My grandparents neither know well at all. My baby sister is known by my boys pretty well, and they adore her, but she has a serious heart condition AND is very pregnant - I'm not even sure why she's traveling, to be frank. She definitely cannot be running after wayward little tots, lol (although she would be the one I could count on the most; it is not in her best interests to do so, and I won't put her in that position). They do not have toys that are appropriate (i.e. that aren't choking hazards) and the only place to play IS outside - amidst the cars in the driveway or the back yard by the lake. Based on what you're saying, I'm curious if the kids would even want to go. It sounds like they aren't that close to the relatives (or not used to be around them solo) and I don't know that there would be much for them to do? Or maybe they do have toys or something. I totally agree with you. Just thinking aloud here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Absolutely not!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I don't think I'd want a three-year-old of any type by an unsecured body of water without a specific caregiver assigned to them at all times. I haven't read a lot about your son, but honestly, ANY three year old and water is a recipe for disaster if it's novel. Without a specific, healthy, able-bodied caregiver, no. You can't go with? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 I don't think I'd want a three-year-old of any type by an unsecured body of water without a specific caregiver assigned to them at all times. I haven't read a lot about your son, but honestly, ANY three year old and water is a recipe for disaster if it's novel. Without a specific, healthy, able-bodied caregiver, no. You can't go with? No. Not this upcoming weekend. We plan to visit them at another time (while they're still in town). We didn't know about any of this until very recently and have already scheduled movers and deliveries so we have to spend every spare minute packing before final walk-throughs and the moving guys come. (I may not have been clear in my post - we sold our home and are closing in a few days and physically moving in about a week) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Because I'm told frequently that I'm too paranoid about this particular child, It's really not paranoia. You have a kid with virtually no sense of self preservation! 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 A very firm no. For the 6 year old too. It doesn't sound like there will be anyone to watch him either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 It's really not paranoia. You have a kid with virtually no sense of self preservation! That's a particularly fine way to put it. In fact, I think I have a new tag-line for describing him. He simply has no sense of self preservation :D 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Yeah.... No way. Even without the creative 3year old (I have one too). Even without the incapable adults. You are entitled to say no. They are not entitled to free access to your kids by virtue of shared blood. X1000 if it's actually an unsafe situation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Take note (and comfort): The Hive is unanimous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Heck no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Even if I had a 3-year-old who didn't have the issues you have shared, I would still say nope. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 That's a particularly fine way to put it. In fact, I think I have a new tag-line for describing him. He simply has no sense of self preservation :D I have two of these. Not a chance. No. Just no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Um, No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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