DawnM Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We invited a friend's child to come with us on vacation. He can't make it, and I suggested maybe we ask someone else. My husband said he doesn't want someone else's kid on our vacation. He thinks it is weird to take someone other than your family or VERY close friends who are like family. What do you think? What does your family do? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We invited a friend's child to come with us on vacation. He can't make it, and I suggested maybe we ask someone else. My husband said he doesn't want someone else's kid on our vacation. He thinks it is weird to take someone other than your family or VERY close friends who are like family. What do you think? What does your family do? We've never done it, but I don't think it's weird or anything. I don't know what would be so precious about a generic family vacation that a friend couldn't come along. o_0 Nevertheless, if he doesn't want to invite someone else, there's your answer. But, um, he was ok with the child who was originally invited, yes? And so what's the difference in inviting another child?? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 We've never done it, but I don't think it's weird or anything. I don't know what would be so precious about a generic family vacation that a friend couldn't come along. o_0 Nevertheless, if he doesn't want to invite someone else, there's your answer. But, um, he was ok with the child who was originally invited, yes? And so what's the difference in inviting another child?? Yes, as he said, if they are close friends, almost like family, it isn't weird to him. This kid's family was closer to us. Our families have actually gone on vacation together in the past, just not us taking only the kid without his parents. I suggested ANOTHER kid we aren't as close to. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Yes, as he said, if they are close friends, almost like family, it isn't weird to him. This kid's family was closer to us. Our families have actually gone on vacation together in the past, just not us taking only the kid without his parents. I suggested ANOTHER kid we aren't as close to. Dawn OIC. Well, as I said, I don't think it's weird at all, but that's me. :-) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 It's not weird but I wouldn't enjoy it particularly. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lotsofpumpkins Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I would be stressed out trying to watch someone else's children. I like for our vacations to be just us. eta: Not that I'm incapable of supervising other people's children. It's just that vacations involve more situations that require extra supervision, like swimming, hiking on narrow mountain paths, etc. I guess it depends on the ages of the children. But all that aside, I really crave that time for our family to be together with just us, where we can all relax. Because that's what's vacation is for, right? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lotsofpumpkins Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 One more thought- when I was a teenager, my family went on a weekend camping trip and I was allowed to take a friend along. Well, that particular friend did not get along with my sister. She said some pretty mean things to/about my sister. So, having a friend along in that case was not a good idea, because it made the trip stressful and caused hurt feelings. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Age? Under the age of about 15, I would take a CLOSE friend, be it my friends child or my child's friend. But I would never take just a general friends child/child s friend, nor would I let my own children go on vacation, far away, with just a general friends family. What if something happened? What if they have relatives they'll see that I've never met? My close friends know my wishes for my kids, but what if just a general friend I chat to sometimes had to take my kid to hospital in another state? Or had a relative who drinks too much? Or had different ideas about child safety than me? I consider myself fairly free range, but, no thanks. Over the age of about 15 I'd let teenagers friends come though, provided it didn't cost too much more and those friends intended to be involved with the family activities, not off doing their own thing the whole time 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I haven't done it and we probably wouldn't... I wouldn't be averse to it, but I think one of the purposes simply doesn't apply to us, which is bring a playmate for your kid. My kids are twins. They already have their playmate in each other. I think I'd be a lot more interested in doing it if we didn't have twins. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 Thanks guys. The friend is 15. The other friend we were thinking of asking is 16. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We've never done it, but I'd be fine with it. The more, the merrier. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I wouldn't like it. Vacations are family times. Maybe if we had a friend of the family that was basically family... But not just to take this other kid along. That'd be a different sort of trip. If I was taking a kid along to give them an experience they wouldn't otherwise have/etc... I'd plan differently and have different goals. It wouldn't really be a vacation anymore. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We vacation with friends a fair bit. It gives the kids some built in entertainment and the adults each some downtime. We added a new family to the mix this year who we aren't as close to but it was fine. We still get lots of family time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We have an only child, so we have frequently taken another kid or two along on vacations. If we had a larger family I'm not sure whether we would do that or not. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I don't think I would like having a friend along, unless I knew the kid was very easy-going, has a similar energy level, and likes what we like. My DH and older DS have traveled with another dad/son twice recently for sports events. The son/dad are very nice but they do things much different than we do which can cause conflict. For example, we love to visit museums wherever we go; they avoid educational spots at all costs. Another example, we like trying new things, explore the city, and wander off the beaten path a bit especially if it will save us money. They like to stick to the familiar no matter the cost. For the short trips that they've done, they figured things out and have managed to still be friends. But I'm glad I wasn't there; it would have driven me crazy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We did, for years. To our beach house four hours away and once or twice to Hawaii. I have an only and it was heaven for them to be together for these times. Easier for us, too, frankly. The kid is a gem and easy to be around. I'll miss him--he's headed off to college now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We invited a friend's child to come with us on vacation. He can't make it, and I suggested maybe we ask someone else. My husband said he doesn't want someone else's kid on our vacation. He thinks it is weird to take someone other than your family or VERY close friends who are like family. What do you think? What does your family do? Not weird. We'd totally do it if we could afford it, and in fact do offer to do so whenever possible, even for camping. We alternate between kids. They usually choose their cousins anyway. To us there is not a super clear line between friends and family, and besides, family is what it is even when friends are nearby. I think it's nice and it frees up time that the kid would otherwise spend looking for something to do. I mean, you have you and DH. The only child in particular has nobody to flip out about things with. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 Maybe "weird" was the wrong word. His arguments were similar to reasons given here......needing to worry about the additional person's needs/wants/foods, etc.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 It totally depends upon the kid and the vacation. As with most of life, we aren't necessarily normal when traveling. The kid needs to be able to adapt so we don't get driven mad. ;) ps Kids we have taken along have loved it and adapted quite well. But there are some I wouldn't dream of asking (too picky about food, too upset at getting up early in the morning, too scared of the great outdoors, etc). Our type of travel isn't everyone's and that's ok. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 If your DH is not comfortable with another person, friend or family,I think it might really spoil the vacation you have planned. I believe everyone in your family should be very comfortable with the additional person you take on your vacation. If not there might be resentment, etc.. When I was 11 or 12, I went with an Aunt & Uncle and my 2 cousins on a one week vacation. My Aunt & Uncle and one of my cousins passed away, but I know that if I were to call my cousin in CA, today, she would remember many details of that trip, as I do. They rented a 15 foot travel trailer and pulled it with their "Classic Car", a Packard. We went to Death Valley and then to Las Vegas. We were in downtown Las Vegas on New Years Eve. There are 2 photos of me on our living room wall that were taken on that trip. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 DS has one friend I would take on a trip with us. They get along so well and he's super easy going and makes himself at home with us. Plus, he knows how weird we can be and loves us anyway. :) . At 12/13, this is the first time I would be comfortable with the idea. But this kid meshes with our family really well. I think it would be fun. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 It depends on the age. A teen I know well would be okay, but an 8 year d that needs supervision I would not be able to relax. Kwim 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I was an only child and my mom often brought my best friend or my step sister with us on vacations and I loved it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Bringing a teen would be super easy. I'd bring a 15 year old with no hesitation. They're old enough to wander off and entertain themselves, but young enough for you to expect them to follow some rules. Sounds like a win for you and dh! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We've never done it. I would be disinclined to unless it was a very close friend. We have traveled (camping) with other families. That is not the same to me as taking a friend. It would also depend on the housing/sleeping arrangement. My daughter was once invited to go on a trip with another family. They were all - parents, 4 kids - going to stay in one hotel room. The plan was that parents and one set of kids would get beds, the other set of kids would sleep on the floor. My daughter was kind of icked out by that idea. I was too, honestly. I wasn't afraid of any sort of inappropriate behavior but I felt that was too much closeness. But we do like our privacy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I don't think it's weird, just up to the tastes of each individual family. We've taken my niece on trips during the time we had guardianship of her, and dd's best friend traveled with us quite a bit. Dh's parents never let friends go on anything longer than a single day outing. My parents invited my best buddy in high school along for anything from overnight trips to full two week vacations and on a fairly regular basis. Just depends on the comfort zone of the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We just did this for the first time. DD has been asking for a couple of years. She is 15 now and I thought it was a good age to try. I am very of the mindset that our family vacation is for family, but this was a week at my inlaws place on Martha's Vineyard, which we do every year, so it's not like we were at a hotel or at Disney or anything (which we couldn't afford to bring someone else to anyway!) DD has known this girl since she was a baby so we are comfortable spending time with her. I did lay down ground rules with both girls, as well as the girl's mother. I expected them to spend time as a family, hang with ds, and help out with cleaning, etc. It all worked out very well. They were able to spend time together biking around and going into town but we ate together, beached together, went sailing as a group. The girls had a blast. DD has been away twice with another family and had a wonderful time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I was going to say, when we go camping, my kids usually find other kids to play with. But you didn't say if you are camping. And of course, it's different if you kid is 15! I once had a friend bring me to her dad's fishing lodge in Northern Canada. It was a wholly new experience for me- fishing, rustic cabin, outdoorsy focus. It was incredible. I am so grateful for it. It's not that we couldn't afford it growing up, it just wasn't the kind of thing my family had any interest in (which is fine, of course). But it was amazing for me. I don't think I thanked the dad nearly enough looking back. So if you take the friend it might be really good- even if he isn't super articulate about it at that age. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinsomeCreek Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 My oldest is 12. I wouldn't take a similar aged or younger friends with us. A 15/16 yo or older seems fine. It would be bonding for the kids and give them a chance to be adventurous. I wouldn't take a teen that has been untrustworthy or problematic in the past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We have never taken another child on our vacation and would not consider it safe since we rock climb and do rather adventurous hikes. We have been hiking and climbing with our kids since infancy and knew their skills and could rely 100% on absolute cooperation in difficult terrain. Under no circumstances would I have taken responsibility for a stranger's kid. Besides, most same age peers would not have been up for it physically either. This year, we are taking an adult friend of DD. While, as tour leaders, we still are responsible, this is a completely different scenario. ETA: And I would be extremely selective picking my own friends to vacation with. After an experience with mismatch, I know that just being good friends is no guarantee for a vacation match. There are friends, even with similar interests, with whom I'd never ever go on another trip. And with adults you could talk about this... but a stranger's kid? No way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We have an only child, so we have frequently taken another kid or two along on vacations. If we had a larger family I'm not sure whether we would do that or not. We have an only 5-year-old and we are planning a trip to the gulf soon. I am seriously thinking about asking the neighbor boy, but I'm worried that might be weird. But, really, it is soooooooo much easier watching two little kids who play together, then one little kid who wants to play with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I took a friend along to many trips when ds was younger. One was a little girl he was very close to. She was very little extra expense and it was great for my only child to have a friend a long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirstenhill Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 For us, "vacation" has usually been a once-every-two-years big event with two weeks of travel, so I can't imagine taking another kid with us due to the cost of adding another person to all the vacation expenses. I would definitely consider taking a friend with us for a weekend camping trip or something like that. Maybe when our kids are older and we would have to get two hotel rooms anyway I would even consider taking a friend along for a weekend away in a hotel situation. Right now we barely fit into one hotel room (usually it involves a pull out couch or roll away bed), so we couldn't realistically really take a friend anyway without adding the expense of a second room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I know a family that always brings a friend. However, they only have one child so, bringing a friend actually helps with entertainment. I had my dd invite a friend to go with us when I took her and her younger brother to Great Wolf Lodge several years ago. dd was 13 and ds was 9 and has intellectual disabilities. The four of us did some things together and the two girls did their own thing too. They did magicquest together and went to the arcade together at night. I think it made the quick trip a little more fun for her. We got very lucky on that trip--I had reserved the smallest cheapest room, when we arrived the only rooms were two bedroom two bath suites with balconies, sitting rooms and fireplaces that slept 6. We got two nights in that suite for price I reserved a no frills two double bed room. Anyway, it was more fund for dd to have a friend along than to have to spend all her time with her younger brother. Her friend was sweet and played with my younger ds when we were altogether. It worked well. I agree, if your dh does not want a friend along don't. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We have 3 kids. My kids haven't been on a vacation all at the same time due to difference in age, commitment timing and general interests. Due to this, my middle dd has a brought a friend on many vacations. Her boyfriend went with us several times in the couple of years they were together, and otherwise she has brought girl friends along. I don't have a problem with it as long as they are a personality fit for what we are going to be doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I'm with your dh - I would only want to take a friend that we knew extremely well (well enough to know if their attitude and habits would mesh with ours), and I would have to know the parents quite well also. There's the practical part of not wanting a guest who grumbles about getting up early or doesn't want to do the same things. Then there's the personality part of not wanting a guest around all of the time simply because it is tiring and has a different vibe than just family and very close friends. We also really just like some vacations to be just us, no friends or even extended family members. We are lucky, though, because our kids are only 2 years apart, and all of us are very compatible, vacation-wise. And I'm the odd person who would actually prefer taking a younger kid over a teen (that I didn't know well). A younger kid, yes, it ups my 'work' as I'm going to be watching them all of the time. That sounds better to me than a teen that I'm not watching all of the time! Teens that are practically family, sure. Teens I don't know that well? I'd be uncomfortable, simply because I know there is such a vast difference in behavior in different families (both 'expected' behavior and then the stuff they get away with). I know that many people routinely take guests on vacation with no problems, and that's great for them, but it would hinder my enjoyment. I'm guessing your husband has some thoughts similar to mine - that it just isn't as fun or relaxing when someone you don't know that well is along. Is your son really set on having a friend along, or was he more excited about that particular friend? Are his sibs far apart in age? Is it a more routine trip that can easily be repeated, or more of a special vacation? I might push out of my comfort zone for a trip that wasn't long, expensive, or 'special' in some way, but not for a more elaborate family vacation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I don't know what would be so precious about a generic family vacation that a friend couldn't come along. o_0 I would say that our family vacations are quite precious to us. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 My son really did want him to come, but it is ok if we don't invite anyone to take his place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I don't think it's weird, but that said, I wouldn't ask any casual friend to do it. It would also depend on the age of the kids. I wouldn't probably do it for kids under 10 and preferably 12+. I wouldn't want to take young kids that weren't mine near open water or to a water park without knowing them and their personality very well. It also depends on the vacation to me. Some of our longer family vacations, I wouldn't be willing. A weekend at a hotel or a cabin? Sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I am an only, and my parents asked a best friend of mine along a couple of times to go to the beach. We didn't lack family time during the rest of the year. It wasn't more expensive other than minimal food costs. We have 4 kids, so I can't imagine dealing with an extra! :) We have invited other families to join us for vacations with compatible kids. That's fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 We enjoy vacationing WITH other families, but to just take their kids has not happened. We have one friend who has asked us several times to take her kids on vacation. I like her kids, but they are pretty high maintenance and turn their noses up at our restaurant suggestions, etc.....so DH said absolutely not unless their parents come and they can go to the restaurants of their choice while we do whatever we want. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 nm 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 If most of our kids are going with us, then we wouldn't do this because it's a great opportunity for family bonding time. However, we are planning a trip in the fall and our youngest is the only one who can make it, so we've encouraged her to invite a friend. I know of other families who do this with their younger children, and that's fine. I've never thought it weird. People can plan their vacations any way that they like! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 We enjoy vacationing WITH other families, but to just take their kids has not happened. We have one friend who has asked us several times to take her kids on vacation. I like her kids, but they are pretty high maintenance and turn their noses up at our restaurant suggestions, etc.....so DH said absolutely not unless their parents come and they can go to the restaurants of their choice while we do whatever we want. Dawn Now that's weird. I can't imagine asking someone to take my kids on their vacation! Other than in a joking manner about wanting to stowaway in their suitcase. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Now that's weird. I can't imagine asking someone to take my kids on their vacation! Other than in a joking manner about wanting to stowaway in their suitcase. Extremely weird! I'd say the parents are high maintenance, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 When my kids were younger, I would say no. When we went on vacation, I just wanted to have time together with just us. I didn't want to worry about changing the dynamics by having another kid in tow. And younger kids tax my energy. But depending on the kid, I wouldn't mind a teen tagging along. In fact, we've planned a Hawaii trip for Sept. 2016 and I've already talked to dd's best friend's mom about taking her with us. She's like a second daughter to me and she is the sister my dd never had. It only seems natural for her to go with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I dont thnk its weird. But if your dh doesn't want them there then th shouldn't go. I had a friend whose mother always have invited me to join them for dinner, even dinner out. This was in elementary school, so it was more arranged with the parents, so wasn't really up to me anyway. But then the dad would come home & be irritated to have a guest for dinner and I felt really uncomfortable. I could tell he tried to hide it but it hurt nonetheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cafdog Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Not weird. But it would depend on the friend and the vacation situation. I have an only, and she always longs to have a friend with her on our trips. This past spring break we took her closest friend with us on our trip. We had a large house, shared with extended family, and the girls had their own bedroom and bath. It worked out well (I am very close with the girl's mother), and she is a well-behaved, easy child. Most of our trips our family of 3 is in one hotel room, so this wouldn't work out (the girls are 14 and need their own privacy)- and I can't afford a second room at Disneyland or wherever, so this may be a rare event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 When my daughter was ten, we invited her best friend to accompany us to Disneyland for a vacation lasting several days. The trip was a success and both girls had a wonderful time. I will agree that there can be added stress in being responsible for someone else's child; I've felt that way too with play dates at home. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I think it'd be kind of weird to invite a not-so-close friend on a family vacation, but then and again, I wouldn't feel weird at all being a host family for a foreign exchange student, so I'm not entirely sure what the difference is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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