Hilltop Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 My dear friend's dd and my niece both got their first periods last month. My friend's dd, who is normally very even tempered, was crying herself to sleep for a week over it. She did not want anyone else to know (she has 2 younger sisters) and was so upset about it starting. Her closest friends had already started and her mom had prepared her ahead of time. My niece wasn't thrilled about it starting, but my SIL took her out to lunch, just the two of them, and she let her in on her secret stash of chocolate. :) My older dds are 10, and will most likely get their first period in the next few years. I started thinking about what my approach should be to minimize the drama. Did you or will you do anything special for your dd? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 We went out for fondue. It was fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Gah, no - my DD would have killed me if I had made a big deal out of it (as in, doing anything "special" for it). She didn't want anyone to know, although she was fine with me telling Dad (DH). I just told her to let me know when she needed pads, showed her where I kept a stash, and when I know she's started for the month, I pick her up chocolate bars :) She's pretty open about it with me and asks questions sometimes (just questions like, "Is this normal?" and similar related questions regarding her cycle and development). When she tells me that the cramping is getting to her more than usual, I send her to bed with my (well, back when I had a cycle, lol) go-to... coca-cola, ibuprofen, and chocolate. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 My daughter was 14 and one of the last of her friends to get it. It was a non event for her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Hmm...I might take her for a special lunch. I'll make sure she knows her options and where the heating pad, chocolate, Aleve, and Dr. Pepper are. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Nope, we didn't do anything. We had talked about it ahead of time. Both my girls just came to me and said, "Hey I think I just started..." They knew where the pads and tampons were and I asked if they needed help with anything. When I left for camp I asked if either one of them was due to start soon and needed to take anything. Not-so-funny story. I knew a mom who had a secret code word her daughter could come up to her and say in public without embarrassment in case she started when they were out. However, this mom loudly told a whole group of women about this and what the code word was thus negating the whole need for it, at least around us. When your kid wants something to be kept personal, honor that! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I kinda would like to, but I'm pretty sure Older Kiddo would rip my head off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I got my oldest some flowers. She was mortified. My younger two asked that I refrained from doing ANYTHING to celebrate..lol. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 No, nothing special. My mother gave me my first bra wrapped up like a present! Ah! It was awful and she sat there waiting my "excited" response. I have always been very casual about my girls growing up. They are turning out great! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Nope, nothing here either. My daughter was prepared (I had not been) and when it happened, she was just like "OK, I'm going to need some more pads soon." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Other than taking her to the store to pick out her own pads, nope. It wasn't a big deal to her. She is pretty matter of fact about this stuff. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 No, I personally think it is a bit strange to do something special for a biological process like that and my dd would too. We had bought some supplies together prior to it starting. When she started she told me matter of factly and I asked her to tell me when she needed new supplies. Dh or I haven't done anything special for ds's puberty either. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 no - and the idea of doing so I find kinda creepy. do they do something for their son's first emissions? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 no - and the idea of doing so I find kinda creepy. do they do something for their son's first emissions? Seriously, THAT is what you consider the analogous cultural adulthood marker for males? (Women have those too, FYI.) Why not "the first time their son shaves" or "the first time their son's voice breaks" as the equivalent? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I prepared Joy for what was going to happen and then I let her pick out what kinds of cloth pads she wanted off of etsy. I made a special dessert for her, but only the two of us knew what it was for. I didn't tell Sheep Daddy for a couple months because I knew he wasn't mentally ready for it yet. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 We went out for ice cream. We had talked about periods for years before it happened. Of course, she had a swim meet the next day so after ice cream was a lesson in how to use a tampon. Now our only communication on the subject is "do you need anything while I am at the drug store. " As for the male equivalent, I have no idea when ds had his first emission an don't find that an equivalent of starting your menses. Nor would I want to know when that happened. It was bad enough I knew why he spent so much time in the bathroom. We did have ice cream after his first shave. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I would have DIED if my parents acknowledged it. Same with dd. I make sure she was well supplied and kept/keep lines of communication open. Before the event we unwrapped a bit of everything I bought, showed her what it was all about, practiced appropriate clean up, etc. I also stressed disposal and plumbing issues - especially when a guest at someone's home or with people with pets. Nasty, but better prepared than horrified. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I didn't do anything with my dd's. Neither of them was happy so a celebration wouldn't have made sense. They both knew beforehand what it all meant so it wasn't a big deal to them, other than the surprise of it happening all of a sudden. I didn't treat them differently, like now you're a young woman so I expect different things from you. It's something that happens and it happened, and life goes on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 No, I personally think it is a bit strange to do something special for a biological process like that and my dd would too. We had bought some supplies together prior to it starting. When she started she told me matter of factly and I asked her to tell me when she needed new supplies. Dh or I haven't done anything special for ds's puberty either. This is pretty much how we handled it. I spent time explaining it all and having a variety of supplies, in part because my dd's main activities are swimming and ballet--pretty she was at one or both everyday, so we had to go over tampons well if her life was not going to be interrupted. She now has brands she prefers and tells me when she needs more supplies and her activities have never been interrupted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 No way. I am pretty sure she would have been mortified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Seriously, THAT is what you consider the analogous cultural adulthood marker for males? (Women have those too, FYI.) Why not "the first time their son shaves" or "the first time their son's voice breaks" as the equivalent? it's purely physiological marker of s3xual maturity, and are now physically capable of reproduction. the first time my sons shaved was a heck of a lot later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 it's purely physiological marker of s3xual maturity, and are now physically capable of reproduction. the first time my sons shaved was a heck of a lot later. Some boys are shaving at 12. Some girls reach menarche at 15. I could say that losing your teeth is a purely physiological marker of maturation, but I still stick a dollar coin under their pillows when it happens. (Well, not anymore, because they had their last baby teeth yanked for braces, but, you know....) In many societies throughout history, these physiological markers have other significance. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakelly Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Yes. I had a purse and a red beaded bracelet set aside for her. When she started, I gave it to her and then we went to lunch. After lunch we went to the fabric store and she picked out fabric to make zipper pouches to keep her tampons and pads in. She seemed to enjoy the time we apent together and the gifts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Wow, I am surprised people would find it "strange" or "creepy" to mark this milestone. I found this on the GladRags website: "The Dagara hold large ceremonies each year celebrating the girls who started their periods during the previous twelve months. In parts of Southern India, newly menstruating girls are given feasts, money, and gifts and are adorned in beautiful new clothes. Japanese families traditionally commemorate a daughter’s first menstrual period by eating red rice and beans. Aboriginal Australians ritually bathe and apply beautiful body paint to young women at the onset of their periods. Here in North America, Apache Indians pay tribute to the girls in their tribe when they embark on menarche with large five-day ceremonies attended by hundreds of people who dance and chant for nearly twelve hours each day to honor the young woman for starting her period. During these ceremonies, the newly menstruating girl ascends to almost divine status as she embodies the Apache goddess, Changing Woman. The young woman lays her hands on the other participants, bestowing curative energy to her tribe. The ritual culminates with the exchange of truckloads of gifts to inaugurate the young woman’s relationship with her godmother, who will help guide her into adulthood." I feel like I'm in good company with our little mother/daughter fondue dinner. :) Seriously, it is fascinating to me that in our culture even quietly acknowledging this transition is "creepy," but in other places it is a huge, special (public!) deal. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 This was us... It was just kind of matter of fact. Although I forgot the detailed tampon lesson until about 30 minutes before her first swim meet when she needed tampons for the first time, and that was kind of "Omigosh! Cram that thing up there, we have meet check- in in 30 minutes!" Yeah, that was a mom fail. Nope, nothing here either. My daughter was prepared (I had not been) and when it happened, she was just like "OK, I'm going to need some more pads soon." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 My husband went out, bought a nice steak and cooked it for our daughter. Our daughter was happy it finally came she was one of the last in her group to get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 <snip> Seriously, it is fascinating to me that in our culture even quietly acknowledging this transition is "creepy," but in other places it is a huge, special (public!) deal. Cultural diversity! :001_smile: (Honestly, when I was a teen I never felt the need for any sort of celebration or acknowledgement, and my husband didn't either, so I guess our kids come by it naturally.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Elle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 My dd started on her 11th birthday and cried for an hour. Her reaction surprised me because we had talked about it many times and had read several books together. I thought she was prepared but it was a shock to her. She had all the knowledge but wasn't emotionally ready. So I took her out for some chocolate and we stayed up late talking about the things that were important to her. Well, I mostly let her talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Nothing special here. I did tell a friend because she had older daughters and my DD didn't like the style of pads. I had to ask for teen opinions. :laugh: She wasn't happy that someone else knew but I really didn't want to purchase every single type available for her to try. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 nm 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 My dd is going to start any day now. I have no plans to do anything special about it. It would probably just be awkward for us both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Both girls were over 13 so they were plenty prepared! I had been stashing various brands in the bathroom closet for a while. We talked about staying ahead of pain with ibuprofen and the joys of chocolate :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeekingHim77 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I talked with my daughter about it beforehand and she was really dreading it. She asked if she could get a stuffed animal on that day because she still wants to feel like a little girl. Of course I said yes! We went to the store together and picked out some special chocolate and a stuffed animal to snuggle with when she finally started. She found it comforting. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolatechip Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 No way. Just no. I would have been mortified if my mom had tried something like that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I would have died of embarrassment if my mother had done anything beyond what she did, which was to give me "the stuff" and not ask any questions! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 This was us... It was just kind of matter of fact. Although I forgot the detailed tampon lesson until about 30 minutes before her first swim meet when she needed tampons for the first time, and that was kind of "Omigosh! Cram that thing up there, we have meet check- in in 30 minutes!" Yeah, that was a mom fail. I heard this conversation when I was in the rest room of a swim meet. It was swim events portion of our state Special Olympics games. It made me glad my Special Olympics athlete was male. The young woman was unable to figure it out with her mom's help, so she had to withdraw from events. She had done an event the day before so she didn't miss out entirely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I knew my oldest would be horrified if I did anything. She told me during day #3 of her first (she was 14), and I bought her a bag of her favorite mini-chocolates. She liked that. :) Now, she occasionally tells me she needs more chocolate. My younger daughter might think having earrings or going to get her hair cut at a salon (something we only do every year or so--special occasion for her) would be fun. She would be more up for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 We talked about it so nonchalantly for months and months ahead of time that to do anything "special" would have been odd to all of us. LOL We didn't make a big deal of it SO that they wouldn't make a big deal of it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Wow, suprised at the number of 'no way's here.... I intend to take the daughter out, buy supplies, have a lunch, and maybe use it as a conversation starter of some of the more adult topics of womanhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Wow, suprised at the number of 'no way's here.... I intend to take the daughter out, buy supplies, have a lunch, and maybe use it as a conversation starter of some of the more adult topics of womanhood. I think we're answering about doing something special WHEN it happens. No need to do a "Yay, you got your period!" lunch when many of us have already discussed menstruation (and hopefully some sex topics, too) over lunch- or some other venue. LOL So our girls are totally prepared and when it happens it's just not much more than, "Welcome to womanhood! Need any help?" "Nope, mom, I'm good--thanks!" The end. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I would have died if my mother did that. I distinctly remember the day though. That day we had gone out to Friendly's before it happened. I had a slice of watermelon ice cream roll. LOL So I guess in a way I celebrated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Nope, supplies were under the sink. They preferred that we not make a big deal about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 When my dd had her period I told her to make sure she told me if she had bad cramps or felt sick. I don't, and I don't want her suffering unnecessarily, but other than that, it's a normal and natural part of girls growing up. To the OP, I don't know why that girl was crying so much - do you? Was it physical pain, hormonal/emotional, or what? I don't quite understand that reaction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeAndTheBoys Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No girls here, so I don't know if I'm qualified to answer--but I definitely would not have wanted my mom to do anything special. Except show me where the supplies were :) Thankfully, that's all she did-- b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Well, I dunno... maybe my daughter and I went out and got coffee or something the day after we stood in that aisle of the store and looked at all the supplies. We are not big on celebrating normal stuff. Well, birthdays are normal and we celebrate those. But I've even found myself wondering lately why high school graduation is considered such a big accomplishment in the US when it's pretty much a given that most kids will graduate. It's a milestone, for sure, but a fairly "normal" one for most people. Anyway, that's just my take on it. It seems to work for us. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 My mom got me my first piece of real jewelry, a small golden heart with three diamonds :). I thought that was nice and felt more grown up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I don't have girls so not an issue here. But I'm really glad my mom didn't do anything special. I was only 10, I didn't want to feel "grown up". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I'm another one who would have been mortified had my mother done anything special for me. Maybe it's due to my age (probably much older than most of you), but I can't say I ever heard of anyone having something special done for them when I was a young teen. I don't think it would have occurred to me or any of my friends. It was just a fact of life. The first time I heard about it, a mom on a homeschooling board was talking about having a moon party with moon cookies for her dd. It took me a while for the idea to soak in. I didn't understand why. Not sure I understand now, but it does seem more common. I never did anything special for any of my girls. I think they preferred to just get on and not dwell on it. To say the least, none of them were excited - at all. We're pretty matter of fact around here. The most I've ever done besides providing supplies and all information they needed, is to get a heating pad, ibuprofen, a cup of tea, and snuggle them on the couch while watching a good movie. I have a couple dds who have cramps that are almost incapacitating. Otherwise, I encourage them to keep physically active and not let it stop them from doing whatever they would normally do. I do vaguely remember getting one dd a milkshake to raise her spirits because she was so put out by the whole ordeal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonesinIndiana Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I decided I was going to do something special for my girls since I didn't have any information or supplies from my mom when I started. I made sure I had a good supply of different types of pads, a cute little zipper pouch she could put them in, and of course, chocolate. I put it all in a cute container I got at the dollar store. We also went to the mall and she got her ears pierced. She felt grownup and it was a good bonding time for us. I told her what my mom had NOT done when I started and I always said when I had a daughter I would do things differently. We had a good laugh about what she would do differently from me when she's an adult, with own her daughter. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 My younger dd got hers at 9 1/2. She's known it was coming for years, but we didn't expect it so soon! I got her what she needed, and explained how "wings" work. I told her that some moms and daughters go out to lunch or do other things to make things special, and asked her if she'd like to do something. She basically thought that was crazy and wanted nothing to do with a celebration. She wanted to keep it a secret from anyone outside the family. My older dd didn't start until she was 13 1/2. It was a non-issue for her as well, though she didn't feel the need to keep it secret. She didn't see the point in celebrating, couldn't figure out exactly what we would be celebrating. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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