"You Look Tired" and other things people say

[PeacefulChaos]

... ... ... 

 

Why do people say that?  Unless the person they are saying it to actually TALKS about how tired they are or how they were up all night doing whatever, maybe it should be taken out of everyone's vocabulary.  :lol:

 

 

Because in the end, most of the time people say 'You look tired' and the person on the receiving end is thinking, 'So I look ratchet, that's what you're telling me?'  :lol:

 

 

What other (not so) great things to people say to others that just don't make sense?  I'm sure there are more but this one is one I hear the most, and that I know a lot of women hear if they don't wear makeup or whatever.

 

 

 

(Note: Though I do think it's a bit rude to say stuff like this to people and don't really know why people do it, I'm not upset; so let's keep this lighthearted ;))

[Slache]

"Are you sick?" "No. I'm Czechoslovakian."

[Ottakee]

I wouldn't say it to a casual acquaintance/friend, I wouldn't hesitate to say that to a close friend.

[Arctic Bunny]

I have a older lady friend, who says that to me almost every time we're at their place for supper. Coincidentally, every time she says this, it's after about four hours of visiting, with at least one of filled with us making, "Well, it's past the kids' bedtime" sorts of noises. And every time she says it, I immediately feel wiped and could fall asleep on the spot.

[Runningmom80]

I HATE when people say that.

 

 

The other day at the dr, the nurse said "I never would have guessed you weigh that much." I said it was all muscle. 😂

[Guest]

Well, this might be a little bit different, but once, I went to dinner with a friend and, apparently, I ate more food than she expected I would. She commented about it in a rather shamey way, like, "I couldn't imagine you were going to order another thing after that enormous dinner, but then, you got dessert, too!"

 

Oh, well, that's me, the Hungry, Hungry Hippo.

 

Seriously, I never pay one iota of attention to what friends eat at a restaurant, beyond wondering if they are pleased with their choice.

[KingM]

I sometimes get this, thanks to these *! bags I'm getting under my eyes. I didn't make the connection for several years.

[mmasc]

I used to work with a lady who said 'you look tired' to me all.the.time. Sadly, this was even before I had kids making me look tired. :)

I also love 'are you sick?' Um...nope...just not wearing make-up.

[frogger]

I was told 3 times with exclamations and other commentary by an older man giving us a quote on a new garage door that I sounded like some little teenager on the phone. The first time I could only accept that yes, I sound like that. The last two I ignored other than giving my husband looks while he smirked. He was actually a nice somewhat comical older man so what could I do but want to laugh although I should have kindly warned him to not tell future female customers that they sound like little teen girls.

[marbel]

As I get older, my face in repose is so unattractive.  I have those lines along side my mouth that make me look frowny.  It's a bad case of "bitchy resting face."  But anyway, I hear "are you all right?" a lot.  I  have to make a conscious effort to have a little smile on my face pretty much all the time unless I'm alone or just  home with my family.   You'd think at least the women close to my age would get it, but they are the worst about asking!

 

(I blame my mom.  I laugh now when I see some photos of her, when she is caught somewhat off guard.  She looks like she has a bad taste in her mouth. :-) )

[kwg]

As I get older, my face in repose is so unattractive.  I have those lines along side my mouth that make me look frowny.  It's a bad case of "bitchy resting face."  But anyway, I hear "are you all right?" a lot.  I  have to make a conscious effort to have a little smile on my face pretty much all the time unless I'm alone or just  home with my family.   You'd think at least the women close to my age would get it, but they are the worst about asking!

 

(I blame my mom.  I laugh now when I see some photos of her, when she is caught somewhat off guard.  She looks like she has a bad taste in her mouth. :-) )

oooohhhhhh

 

 

 

:lol:

[plansrme]

As I get older, my face in repose is so unattractive. I have those lines along side my mouth that make me look frowny. It's a bad case of "bitchy resting face." But anyway, I hear "are you all right?" a lot. I have to make a conscious effort to have a little smile on my face pretty much all the time unless I'm alone or just home with my family. You'd think at least the women close to my age would get it, but they are the worst about asking!

 

(I blame my mom. I laugh now when I see some photos of her, when she is caught somewhat off guard. She looks like she has a bad taste in her mouth. :-) )

Oh I get this one, and it drives me batty! I got it even when I was in my 20s. "You look mad; why are you angry? What did I say?" I am confident that it explains why I am a magnet for bizarre confrontations--people are reading into my expression (or lack of expression) something that isn't there, so they react defensively and angrily when my voice and words and intent are really quite innocuous.

[Annie G]

As I get older, my face in repose is so unattractive.  I have those lines along side my mouth that make me look frowny.  It's a bad case of "bitchy resting face."  But anyway, I hear "are you all right?" a lot.  I  have to make a conscious effort to have a little smile on my face pretty much all the time unless I'm alone or just  home with my family.   You'd think at least the women close to my age would get it, but they are the worst about asking!

 

(I blame my mom.  I laugh now when I see some photos of her, when she is caught somewhat off guard.  She looks like she has a bad taste in her mouth. :-) )

 

 

I have this same condition and used to have a boss who would tell me to cheer up every time she saw me. I finally told her my facial expression is not an indication of my mood and that it was rude to expect a command performance to 'be happy'.  She took it well and stopped bugging me about it.  

 

Yeah, I do make an effort to have that little smile when it's needed, but it's exhausting. People who don't have to deal with this simply have no idea how much work it is to actively manage your expression all day long. 

[rjand6more]

I know someone who does that yawn thing where they stretch and yawn while talking.  I did not realize it was unconscious until I had asked her several times(on different occasions) if she was tired.  She did seem offended the last time and asked me why I would ask that.  OK, then.  I said I was sorry and I have never done that again.

 

[poppy]

I have an acquaintance who often asks me if I'm tired.  We recently ran into a friend who is pregnant with twins (will be #5 and #6 for her) and my friend said "Oh, I'm so sorry, haven't you thought about a vasectomy?"

 

I wanted to punch her! The pregnant lady reacted graciously and later told me she gets responses like that all the time.  (!!)

 

Thing is, the "are you tired" / "I'm so sorry" friend is a nice person, I don't have a problem with her.  I don't even mind that she has foot-in-mouth disease. I just wish she knew she had it! She is unashamed to say things that make people feel awful!

[ocelotmom]

I say it as an indication that I recognize the person in question appears to be burning the candle at both ends, and as an opening for them to talk about it if they want.

 

But I wouldn't say someone looked tired unless I was familiar enough with them to know that they really did look unusually tired.

[jrn]

Every time I saw my mom the very first thing she would say is "you need a haircut". Uh, thanks mom good to see you too.

[heartosunshine]

I had a store bra fitter say something about having to buy more bras after I give birth. Ummm...not pregnant. :glare:

[indigomama]

... ... ... 

 

Why do people say that?  Unless the person they are saying it to actually TALKS about how tired they are or how they were up all night doing whatever, maybe it should be taken out of everyone's vocabulary.   :lol:

 

 

Because in the end, most of the time people say 'You look tired' and the person on the receiving end is thinking, 'So I look ratchet, that's what you're telling me?'   :lol:

 

 

What other (not so) great things to people say to others that just don't make sense?  I'm sure there are more but this one is one I hear the most, and that I know a lot of women hear if they don't wear makeup or whatever.

 

 

 

(Note: Though I do think it's a bit rude to say stuff like this to people and don't really know why people do it, I'm not upset; so let's keep this lighthearted ;))

 

 

I recently went in for my yearly physical. My appointment was at 8:30 in the morning and I had a really bad tooth infection, so I might not have looked my best, but I was still a bit surprised/put-out when the tech doing the blood draw told me twice," You look tired! You look really tired." Gee, thanks.

 

Then she followed that observation up with, " You should get you some Happy Pills!" Then she laughed really loud and long. I'm thinking she's taking too many of those Happy Pills. 

[Professormom]

I used to work with a lady who said 'you look tired' to me all.the.time. Sadly, this was even before I had kids making me look tired. :)

I also love 'are you sick?' Um...nope...just not wearing make-up.

This.

 

And it works in reverse when you have a long-term illness. If you wear make-up, everyone says, "But you look so good, you must be feeling better." Um, no. It would be the work of Bobbi Brown, lol. My make-up is my armor:-)

[Annie G]

I had a store bra fitter say something about having to buy more bras after I give birth. Ummm...not pregnant. :glare:

 

At Joann's I was buying fabric and the clerk asked what I was making. Baby quilt, I told her. Oh, fun! When are you due? 

I was 47 years old. And evidently pudgy.  

[MamaBearTeacher]

I had a coworker who told me she thought I might be bulimic. I don't throw up, watch my weight or care for anyone's weight for that matter. She said this was based on my personality? Another time she told me she thought I probably had endometriosis. I had never described medical symptoms to her. This was also based on my personality. She was sure of these things and I could not change her mind.

[Annie G]

I had a coworker who told me she thought I might be bulimic. I don't throw up, watch my weight or care for anyone's weight for that matter. She said this was based on my personality? Another time she told me she thought I probably had endometriosis. I had never described medical symptoms to her. This was also based on my personality. She was sure of these things and I could not change her mind.

 

I hope you told her that based on her personality you think she's obnoxious. 

[Outdoorsy Type]

I get "you must have been in the sun all day" a lot because of my rosacea. Even from people I have told that it is only flushing, not ever a sunburn. I get really tired of hearing it. :( I also get asked if I'm stressed or angry when I'm trying for "happy". I think I need to practice "pleasant" faces in the mirror.

[kristi26]

Soon after I had my oldest (15.5 years ago), I was at a carnival/fair type place with XH. We were waiting in line for something and the carnival guy asks me when my baby is due. I looked at him with death in my eyes and said, "What. Baby."  You'd think he'd have taken the hint, but no. :glare: He simply replied (like a complete idiot), "the one you're pregnant with."  :cursing:  :cursing:

[Desert Strawberry]

"I don't know why you aren't skinny." 

Yeah. Neither do I.

I'm very energetic and I eat very well. 

 

[Lisbeth]

I hate "you look tired."  I also used to get "Eat something!"  "Are you anorexic?"  or "Ugh, skinny *%&%&*."

 

Maybe unless it's a true compliment people should just learn to shut it.  I won't hold my breath.  ;)

[PeacefulChaos]

OOH, add me to the BRF club.  :lol:

Luckily the family gets it - this is just my FACE, people!!!  :D  Occasionally, though, even DH is occasionally like, 'you all right?' ... -.- .... :rolleyes:  

I also am really, really bad at hiding my feelings on my face.  Like if someone says something dumb, I look at them like they said something dumb.  When we used to have tryouts for singing parts in the musicals, I had to close my eyes and look down at the floor - true, it helped me concentrate, too, but it also kept me from giving a negative reaction if someone didn't do well.  I'm not the nicest person on the planet (in that I believe in being honest, not buttering people up) but I don't want to make people feel bad about themselves, either - so not looking was a good compromise.  (On a funny note, once I had directed the choir for the Easter musical, people were so used to seeing me make a strange face if something sounded off, or twitching a certain way if someone was off-key, that the worship team started watching during Sunday morning service!!  :lol: :lol: )

 

[Hunter's Moon]

Not something someone said, but I went with my obviously pregnant sister to a maternity shop and I could tell the saleswoman was trying to decide whether it was just my sister who was pregnant or both of us. You'd think she'd find a more covert way of looking than staring at my mid section.

[Guest]

I hate "you look tired." I also used to get "Eat something!" "Are you anorexic?" or "Ugh, skinny *%&%&*."

 

Maybe unless it's a true compliment people should just learn to shut it. I won't hold my breath. ;)

I used to hear that a lot, too. Also behind my back, because friends had told me they assured people I do eat. Perhaps they should have asked the friend who accompanied me to The Cheesecake Factory. ;)

 

I did also wonder why it was completely acceptable to exclaim over my thinness when they wouldn't have wanted a quid pro quo comparison, I'm thinking.

[KarenC]

My mom says that a lot.  Another of her favorites is, "Are you retaining water?"  Thanks, mom.

[Peaceful Isle]

My mother would always comment to me about my weight. It was like.."so good to see you too!" She even called me on my anniversary to offer to buy me those rounded tennis shoes that are supposed to tighten your thighs. She said she thought I would love to lose a few pant sizes, right?

 

All my life I have been bigger than her, and she figures I want to be a size 2 like her. Nope. 

 

I'm not even overweight by the bmi chart!!

 

[Janie Grace]

I have a friend who loves to ask quietly "how are you REALLY?" Do I look like I'm hiding something?! Like I'm trying to trick everyone and pretend to be fine while deep down I'm miserable? I'm NOT. But if I were, I would not be prompted to unburden myself because someone squinted at me and asked that question.

[SemiSweet]

As I get older, my face in repose is so unattractive. I have those lines along side my mouth that make me look frowny. It's a bad case of "bitchy resting face." But anyway, I hear "are you all right?" a lot. I have to make a conscious effort to have a little smile on my face pretty much all the time unless I'm alone or just home with my family. You'd think at least the women close to my age would get it, but they are the worst about asking!

 

(I blame my mom. I laugh now when I see some photos of her, when she is caught somewhat off guard. She looks like she has a bad taste in her mouth. :-) )

Omg, I so feel that. I am my mother's clone and I blame it all on her.

[Storygirl]

I was told 3 times with exclamations and other commentary by an older man giving us a quote on a new garage door that I sounded like some little teenager on the phone. The first time I could only accept that yes, I sound like that. The last two I ignored other than giving my husband looks while he smirked. He was actually a nice somewhat comical older man so what could I do but want to laugh although I should have kindly warned him to not tell future female customers that they sound like little teen girls.

 

I have a high voice (I've never liked it), and when I would answer the phone, I often got, "Is your mother at home?" No, I AM the mother!!

 

 

I get "you must have been in the sun all day" a lot because of my rosacea.

 

Or could it maybe be your name, Outdoorsy Type? :lol:

[J-rap]

"You're so thin.  Are you sick?"

 

(But that was a few years ago, and I'm not so thin anymore!)

[Kerileanne99]

You don't *look* like a wheelchair person!

 

Uhhhh. Okay. Depending upon the day I either say 'thank you?' Or, 'sshh, I don't need it I am just lazy!' Or 'you should see me when I forget my secret anti-drool meds!' Because people must just choose the inconvenience of being confined to a wheelchair.

 

Really. I also have some anti-ignorant meds. I would offer some but....

[momee]

"Girl, you're looking so young and happy lately.  What are you doing?"

and

"Wow, you must be losing weight!"

and

 

"You're just so serious and all frowny today, I was going to joke with you but now I better not."

and

 

"Are you feeling sick?"

 

All said to me yesterday at church - funny thing is I was only there for 30 minutes before I had to leave and bring youngest home because of a headache.

 

 

[Hikin' Mama]

I get "you must have been in the sun all day" a lot because of my rosacea. Even from people I have told that it is only flushing, not ever a sunburn. I get really tired of hearing it. :( I also get asked if I'm stressed or angry when I'm trying for "happy". I think I need to practice "pleasant" faces in the mirror.

I get this all the time too, and my rosacea is much better than it used to be. Someone once came up to me and told me I needed to wear sunscreen. (When I am outside I ALWAYS wear sunscreen AND a hat, because I don't want this rosacea getting worse.)

[Hikin' Mama]

I was at the gym once when a person I know, but had never seen at the gym before, came up to me and said, "I didn't know you worked out. I just thought you never ate." 😡 I am fit, but definitely not skinny (When I was in high school, I was skinny. I now weigh 30 pounds more.) and the person who said this is not overweight. I was perplexed and irritated by her comment.

[Garga]

"Are you in a bad mood?"

 

Because no matter what you answer, it seems to confirm that you are, in fact, in a bad mood. Even when you're not. One cannot recover from the "are you in a bad mood" question. It reminds me of the logical fallacy of poisoning the well. Once those words have been said about a person, everyone thinks they're true, even when they're not.

 

If I try to act chipper to prove I'm not in a bad mood, "Well, you don't have to be sarcastic about it." If I act serious when I answer the question it's perceived as confirmation of the bad mood.

 

I hate that question.

[Orthodox6]

For me, nothing tops the irrational and insulting remark of the OB who delivered my daughter, at the visit following her birth:  "Why so many children?"

 

This was my fourth child, not my fiftieth.  I would have peppered this idiot with poison darts, had I had opportunity.  Instead, I skipped the next scheduled visit and never returned.  This asinine doctor group asked me, at every single pre-natal visit, and then four times when I went to hospital for the birth, if I wanted my tubes tied.  I kept asking them why they were unable to read my chart accurately where it stated plainly that I would tolerate no such thing. 

[athomeontheprairie]

I also wouldn't hesitate to say this to a close friend, and I have heard it from close friends. Often I think it's a more honest way of saying "how are you?" Clearly, you are tired, so instead of answering the question with "fine" you have an opening to say if life has been stressful or you been really busy. and since we are close friends, you have the opportunity to vent or ask for help if you really need it, because I have noticed and I care enough to ask.

 

this is not a comment I would say to a random stranger or a casual acquaintance . Because then it's just rude.

[PeacefulChaos]

"Are you in a bad mood?"

 

Because no matter what you answer, it seems to confirm that you are, in fact, in a bad mood. Even when you're not. One cannot recover from the "are you in a bad mood" question. It reminds me of the logical fallacy of poisoning the well. Once those words have been said about a person, everyone thinks they're true, even when they're not.

 

If I try to act chipper to prove I'm not in a bad mood, "Well, you don't have to be sarcastic about it." If I act serious when I answer the question it's perceived as confirmation of the bad mood.

 

I hate that question.

 

UGH!  This happened to me today!!  :lol:

 

I was sitting in the living room when DH was home for lunch - just chillin'.  I wasn't really doing anything at all, literally just sitting there.  Enjoying just sitting there.  

DH asked, not once, not twice, but three different times if I was 'okay', but in that way that's like, 'are you REALLY okay?  Like, are you SURE you're okay?'

Finally, the last time, I was like 'GOOD GRIEF!!  I'M LITERALLY JUST SITTING HERE!  YOUR CONSTANT QUESTIONING IS MAKING ME ANNOYED AND NOT OKAY!'  :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

 

 

 

As far as the 'you look tired' thing, no, I wouldn't say it to a friend, either.  Because it's insulting no matter what.  :lol:  But I also have friends who are really up front about actually being tired, so there would be no need for me to say it.  I would much rather hear 'is anything bothering you?' than 'you look tired'.  

Idk, maybe people say it differently than what I'm imagining - but every person who has ever told me I look tired, either I think to myself or reply, 'No, not at all... not really sure why I look that way, I'm feeling pretty good!'  And I'm totally serious.  :)  Saying it seems to imply there is something wrong with the person, and that's just weird.  But again, none of my friends have ever said it to me - just random people - strangers, casual acquaintances, ILs, etc.  :lol:  

 

On a side note, one of my BFFs does tell me she can tell when I have a kidney stone because I get dark circles under my eyes.  But that doesn't bother me, either.  It adequately represents the way pain meds affect me :lol: :lol: ...

[Scarlett]

I have had a lot of crazy stuff said to me over the years.

 

One girl said I have a pancake face. Whatever that means. And a friends husband said I looked like Connie Chung. Nothing against Connie chung but I am not Asian, so it was a bit strange. One Chinese girl asked me if I was Asian......now my husband says, "you Asian?" to me all of the time. He thinks he is so funny.

 

One 'friend' said I was so ugly he bet my parents had to tie bacon around my neck to get the dogs to play with me.

 

I don't mind the ."you look tired comment" if I am actually tired. If I feel awesome and someone says that I am like what the what?

[Princess Ariel]

This is a great thread!  In high school lots of girls would walk past me with huge grins  and tell me to "smile".  I don't really know why but I was never someone to walk around with a fake smile. Tell me something funny and I would gladly smile. 

 

In my working days one coworker in particular would occasionally tell me I looked sick.  It was always when I wasn't wearing any lipstick. I have come to believe it over the years and feel odd  without it!

 

And I was mistaken for being pregnant a couple of times.  Definitely not fun when you are not or when you would like to be. 

[Garga]

I have had a lot of crazy stuff said to me over the years.

 

One girl said I have a pancake face. Whatever that means. And a friends husband said I looked like Connie Chung. Nothing against Connie chung but I am not Asian, so it was a bit strange. One Chinese girl asked me if I was Asian......now my husband says, "you Asian?" to me all of the time. He thinks he is so funny.

 

One 'friend' said I was so ugly he bet my parents had to tie bacon around my neck to get the dogs to play with me.

 

I don't mind the ."you look tired comment" if I am actually tired. If I feel awesome and someone says that I am like what the what?

Wha...?? I saw your wedding pictures and you looked really, really pretty! I thought you were very good looking! So ugly you had to have bacon tied around your neck??? No. That's wrong.

[Scarlett]

Wha...?? I saw your wedding pictures and you looked really, really pretty! I thought you were very good looking! So ugly you had to have bacon tied around your neck??? No. That's wrong.

Well it was maybe a joke? Everyone laughed really hard including me...I laughed because it was such an outrageous thing to say to someone.

 

But thank you for the nice words. :)