Home'scool Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Please tell me the anxiety and panic that I am feeling right now (facing possible divorce) gets better. I have been through a lot of though things in my life and have had periods of intense anxiety so I know that things ebb and flow and they do get better, but right now I just need words of encouragement because I am right in the middle of this awful awful period of time. I am having trouble sleeping. I am constantly tense and feel like I want to throw myself off a bridge to escape it. My mind is spinning with the hows and what ifs. Then I get anxiety that the anxiety will permanently break me. Everything I eat tastes like chalk and after 3 bites I feel like throwing up - which I usually end up doing. I am, in a nutshell, a hot mess. Things I am doing to help all this: I joined a gym and have been going almost daily. 30 minutes sweating it out on the elliptical definitely helps when the anxiety is drowning me. The only problem is the anxiety comes back within 6 -10 hours. When I do eat I try to eat healthy - fruits, protein, etc. I have started to see a therapist. And finally yesterday I went to my doctor and got a prescription for anxiety meds. I just weaned myself off of citalopram, and was doing well, but then this chapter in my life opened and now I think I need something again. This time I am trying Lexapro. Only 5mg because I don't want a lot of side effects, etc. Sorry if I am rambling. When in the middle of this there just seems no light at the end of the tunnel. When going through hell, keep going and all that, but HELP! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: It does get better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 (((hugs))) I have been through a divorce, and it does get better. It really does. Lexapro can be very effective with anxiety, but it can take several months to reach full effects. Also, 5 mg is a subclinical dosage. 10 mg is a typical starting dosage. May I gently suggest that if you are going to take it, make sure you are communicating with your doctor about an effective dosage. Too little will leave you with no side effects but no help, either. The major side effect which is very typical of SSRIs is the sexual side effect. Other side effects are mostly during the weaning off period. I am not a doctor, but that is information to discuss with your doctor to ensure you get the best possible help from your meds. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 When my ex had anxiety and could barely eat sometimes what helped wasn't healthy food. Eat what sounds good, worry about the rest later, and take your vitamins. You need calories and if those have to be from "comfort food" so be it. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: I wish your circumstances are resolved in a way that can bring you peace. Having friends who've gone through your turmoil, I would say your experience is normal. You are doing the right thing going to a therapist and I hope the anxiety meds can alleviate the physcial symptoms of your stress. I too can't eat when experiencing emotional stress. If I couldn't stand the taste of food, I'd try drinking some sort of nutritional supplement (like Ensure). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom25girls Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: Sounds to me like you're on your way getting through this difficult situation. I've had several friends go through this horrible period and all have had similar experiences. The fact that you are taking positive steps (going to the therapist, posting about it for support, taking meds...) are all steps toward bolstering your strength. Looking forward to reading that easier and more joy filled days are becoming more plentiful in your life. :grouphug: It will get better. Truly. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I am sorry. I having been having some anxiety over some other things that I am not willing to discuss right now, but I am not sleeping, having anxiety, etc....it stinks. Praying therapy and medication will help you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: I've never been through a divorce but plenty of people around me have and I can assure you it gets easier. Divorce is very difficult, but people make it through to the other side all the time. Like everything, just take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour, one minute at a time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Yes, but maybe not until after it's all over. :grouphug: One day at a time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 On my darkest days I kept telling myself there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's ok to feel sad and depressed. You will get through this with your head held high. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I don't really have personal experience, but from friends who have gone through it, it will get better. Life might look the way you expected it to, but you will get through it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeghansMom Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 This too, shall pass. Hugs. Take it a moment at a time if you have to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 The fact that you are aware and doing something about it pretty much shows that you will (and already are) getting through this rough patch. I personally say you should be proud of yourself, and kudos to being proactive. Good job and you can do this! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 It does get better. It will pass. It is awful right now but you are surviving. You can do it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 With anything big and life-changing, there is another chapter to come. It's hard now and there will be other hard times, but not always. What you feel today is not what you'll always feel or what you'll feel a year from now. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Whenever one of my friends is going through something big I sometimes say "This time next year you will be in a much better place" so now I am trying to say that to myself. The anxiety causes anxiety, kwim? It's always "oh, I feel okay today but will my anxiety start up again?" or "omg this anxiety is so bad right now it is going to break me and I will end up in the hospital" Today my quote is "The path of least resistance just makes the road longer. Sometimes you have to head straight on into the pain to come out the other side." 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 (Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Hugs! It will get better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 When ex and I separated I literally shook for about 3 months. It was like chills from being out in the cold and I couldn't help it. It was a physical response to the stress. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train. I started a notebook of things I could control, things I needed to take care of, and noted small accomplishments along the way. It wasn't a journal type thing. So far, I've faced one day at a time. Physical work helps (I bought a heavy punching bag). :grouphug: :grouphug: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emerson612 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I understand the stronghold of anxiety and the sleepless nights. It does get better. You are doing the rights things. Take one step at a time and remember to take deep breaths. I think you should be proud of yourself for taking good care of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 You're doing the right things. Take B and D vitamins, because stress chews through them ferociously fast. Being unappreciated by one particular entity does not mean you are unworthy of appreciation at all, 'k? Your therapist should help for syphoning off the stress, but you probably also need some personhood reconstruction too. There's a part of you that needs to be more robust, and that's the part that says "You're a jerk! I'm a bloody sweetheart, I am! Bite me!" And a lawyer. Answer the what if's. Better to stress over plausible realities than whatever your mind cooks up when you're trying to sleep. Eat junk food if you want to, but keep working on school as consistently as you can, and if you haven't been making records, start immediately. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monstermama Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: It gets better. You are already doing so many amazing things to help yourself - exercise, seeing the therapist, eating right. You deserve serious kudos for that. May I gently suggest asking your doctor about something stronger like Ativan? I can't tell if you're having constant anxiety or panic attacks, but when I go through bad periods I have a sort of all the time anxiety and then occasionally really, really bad spots. While something like Lexapro at the right dosage can help with the all the time stuff, I needed something else that I could take when it got seriously bad. I've only taken it a handful of times, but it was comforting knowing I had that option if I needed it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I've been divorced. It gets SO much better. Thos early days, making decisions, wondering what will happen, that's awful. The first night apart, that's awful. But then it gets a tiny bit better every day, until one day you are happier than you ever were together. I promise. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monstermama Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 ktgrok reminded me of something. Can I share a story? A family member recently separated from her husband of many years. They got married young (because of a pregnancy), went through lots of ups & downs, interfering in-laws, money troubles, you name it. Her husband was, most of the time, either physically or emotionally absent, due to various issues. She basically raised their kids on her own while working night shift. After the youngest went off to college, they separated. The first time I saw her after the separation was several months later, and I almost didn't recognize her. I was floored by the change in her. She looked years younger and she was, for the first time that I could remember, actually happy. To use a silly metaphor, it was like we'd been seeing her through a giant raincloud and now she was in the sunshine. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Awe, I am sorry. ALL change is hard. It really is probably for the better, and you are right that in a year you will be a whole new person. A home school mom is a special brand of tough. He is losing out, and you are coming into your own. We are all going to pray for you, and keep telling you how awesome you are. You just believe how awesome you are and don't be ashamed of having pain right now. Pain is natural when you divorce. It is a sign that you are healthy. And because you are healthy, you will heal better than ever. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Make sure you come and get support here, the ladies who have walked this road will guide you and we will all cheer you on. Just make sure you don't write anything on here that will affect you legally. Sometimes that starts up and then once it's on the internet it's can't really be removed (at least easily). If the med isn't working then go back and get the dosage upped. Only you can decide if it is working for you or not. Blessings. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 :grouphug: Many hugs to you. You are moving; you are doing good things to help yourself; that's great! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Just wanted to "like" your post as I way to say "I hear you"...."I support you"....not that I like what you are going through. I think you are doing so many things right. You are handling things much better than I did when my DH left all of a sudden. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I knew someone who went through cancer and a divorce. As bad as the cancer was and the chemo was AWFUL (for him), he said the divorce was harder. Hang in there. His life did a breathtaking 180 -- he's deliriously happy these days. And I agree w/ TexasMama, but I'd suggest Welbutrin. Alley 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 So sorry. Yes it gets better. While my first marriage is still a loss I have much in my life that is even better than before. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeganCupcake Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yes, it does get better, but it is so hard to imagine that it will or how. Something I have found helpful in my most anxious and difficult times is mediation. Sometimes I found it helpful to meditate on the phrase, "May I find peace in this suffering." I found that resisting the anxiety made me feel worse, but acknowledging it made me feel less terrified. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Ladies ...... You bring tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for all your support. I have a few girlfriends IRL who have been divorced and are happier now, it just helps to hear it over and over. The real scary part for me is this: He was the one who first said it wasn't working. I agreed that we had been living separate lives and needed to fix our marriage. Then he said he didn't see it being able to be fixed. That really rocked me because I never, ever thought we would get divorced. Then we started going to counseling and I realized what he wants from me would make me be a completely different person from who I am and I literally could not sustain that. And I deserve to be who I want to be and to have someone be okay with that. So now I am thinking that even IF he comes around to being more accepting of me without changing me, even IF he decides to stay in the marriage, I am not sure I want to be in a marriage with someone who I always worry may find me lacking. I spent too much of my life with a dysfunctional mother convincing me I was a hard person to love. So now I am thinking maybe I am the one who wants out too. That thought scares me so much. I am not really sure why -- it seems like it would be easier to say that he didn't want the marriage than for me to say that. You would think that me figuring out that I want freedom from him would be empowering but for some reason it is terrifying. I have an appointment today with my counselor so I plan on bringing that up. Again, thank you for all the hugs and support. You have no idea how many times I call up this thread and just read the messages of encouragement 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hang in there, friend. I have not been through a divorce, but I do suffer intense turmoil sometimes. I think it is great to exercise and eat healthy foods. You have value and if he doesn't recognize it, it is time to be free from that chain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 ((Hugs)) Divorcecare.org has email support and may have a group near you. I may post more later. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 ((Hugs)) Divorcecare.org has email support and may have a group near you. I may post more later. I attended divorcecare and found healing and support there. In fact, I attended a group 15 years after my divorce because I had come to realize I was carting around baggage and was weary of it. I was able to share some things, get some support, have some people pray with me, and let it go. In the group I attended, there were people in all stages of separation, divorce, and post-divorce. Anyone is welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (((HUGS))) I've been there and it does get better. It's wonderful that you are thinking about what it is you really want and need, and aren't just willing to accept his restrictions on how you live your life. Journaling helped me even if I just tore up the pages after I wrote them (I was so worried someone would read what I wrote). I read a lot. Watched a lot of movies, especially old favorites. Did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? For some reason the musical episode always made me feel better ("Life's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this...it's living"). I realize that's kind of weird and may be the kind of thing that would only work for me, but my point is - do what works for you even if it's not typical or seems bizarre. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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