Heidi Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I have six kids and zero desire for more. I'm 33. It's been a super stressful year and the thought of getting pregnant on accident sends me into a panic. Dh goes in for a vasectomy tomorrow and I'm nervous I'll regret it one day. I guess I just want to read about other people's experiences: regrets, no regrets, decided not to.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 It's been 2.5 years and I've yet to feel anything but pure relief. :) Eta: I was only 32, but I was sure. Very sure. Lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets here. Six years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets. I love having mostly bigger kids. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PuddleJumper1 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets here. Knew we were done. It's been 13 yrs and I've never looked back. I was 32 at the time. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets at ALL. I love small children. I could have had ten quite happily. Children become teens, I do not do well with teens, so I'm glad that I wasn't tempted to accidentally have more teenagers, lol. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My #5 was born when I was 34, and she had significant health problems which made me certain I had no energy for another... We made THE decision, but two years later, my daughter's thought-to-be-serious health problems were resolved. Did I regret our decision? No, not one bit. It was a great decision for us. It just felt like a good time for our family to be complete. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Children become teens, I do not do well with teens, so I'm glad that I wasn't tempted to accidentally have more teenagers, lol. Exactly! There's more to this decision than simply loving babies! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earthyfamily Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I'm in the minority here I guess. After a REALLY difficult pregnancy with #3, they told me I probably shouldn't have anymore. I definitely wanted more though, but got the tubal ligation...and have regretted it every single day since. :( I wanted a large family though...about 12 kids would have been my cup of tea. I looked into reversing it, but the cost and high risk of ectopic pregnancies is what stopped it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 It's been a huge blessing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Nope, but dh and I also have decided that if we really really want another child that we would go through foster care to adopt. We also have at least 10 God children (5 of those (4 of which have special needs of some kind) have papers in the court system saying such). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I'm in the minority here I guess. After a REALLY difficult pregnancy with #3, they told me I probably shouldn't have anymore. I definitely wanted more though, but got the tubal ligation...and have regretted it every single day since. :( I wanted a large family though...about 12 kids would have been my cup of tea. I looked into reversing it, but the cost and high risk of ectopic pregnancies is what stopped it.I'm so sorry. (((Hugs))) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 After #4 was born. Wish we hadn't. But then I might not have #5 (foster-adopt) and he is fantastically awesome so I'm glad he's here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets. I love having mostly bigger kids. Exactly. I have freedom to leave the house now. Alone! Shopping and errands are so much easier when I can just tell the kids "I'll be back later." And if they do come, they usually stay in the car listening to music anyway, after they've buckled themselves in - no child car seats. When I was sick and spent 3 days in bed, they took care of themselves. And me. I could go on and on, expounding the virtues of having only bigger kids. :D 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets. I've said this before---dh's vasectomy was the greatest gift to our marriage. I was no longer afraid of another pregnancy loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 4+ years. I still have my moments of "Maybe we shouldn't have..." but they're thoroughly outweighed by being grateful it was done. I guarantee those moments would have turned into 5 more kids, given the chance, and that isn't really what I want! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
earthyfamily Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I'm so sorry. (((Hugs))) Awww thanks :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I am getting my tubes tied and DH is getting a vasectomy. That's how sure we are. Even if I didn't have pregnancy complications we would be absolutely done. We were done at 2; 3 is absolutely 100% it. I don't want to spend years and years having and taking care of babies. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I think many people have moments of wanting another baby. It's a mom thing. That doesn't mean one made a mistake by stopping at a certain time. :grouphug: 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I do have regrets. I only had three, and I was very young (24) and our marriage was kind of rocky. I had some PPD issues, and the OB was very convincing about doing a tubal. Now my life is completely different, our marriage is much better, and I would have loved to have had a couple more when I was 31-34 or so. I've come to terms with it now, and I'm kind of enjoying the thought of my kids being grown. However, if you are feeling done after 6 kids and you are in your 30s, chances are you won't feel the way I do about it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liber Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets. It's been about 2 years. Had baby #6 at 42. It was a surprise. I was very sick and knew I wouldn't have the energy for any more and I don't think it was fair to my other kids to have to hold down the fort and have the school work suffer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 9 years here (almost 10) and no regrets I had 2 kids and that is all I wanted. I just wish I could stop having periods. That would be great. LOL 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamajag Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 We have 3. DH had a vasectomy 6 years ago. I greatly, greatly regret it and long for another child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets. DH had vasectomy when I was pregnant with #5 last year. I was so torn at the time. I felt guilty that I didn't want any more. But I got over that very quickly. A friend of mine just announced pregnancy & my first thought was 'thank goodness that's not me!!' The very thought of being pregnant again makes me feel sick to my stomach. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I was 24, dh was 26. We had 4 kids and I was done. Dh later had regrets, but I honestly never did. Dh would never be ready to stop having babies. He got the big V. Our teA life is fabulous. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purpleowl Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I am getting my tubes tied and DH is getting a vasectomy. That's how sure we are. LOL - I told my ob that I wanted to go that route. Her words were, and I quote, "That's bordering on crazy." :lol: I decided I'm okay with having just DH's vasectomy (happening in a couple of weeks), and I'll just say "I told you so" when it fails. ;) We really do want to be done, but it will not be the end of the world if we have a failure (and if we do, I am totally getting my tubes tied after that). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocassie Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 While I was pregnant with my third, DH and I decided we were done with kids. He went and got a vasectomy. It's been almost 3.5ys, and no regrets so far. In fact, as I see friends go through pregnancy and newborns, I'm thankful that we are done. I am also of the thought that if we ever desire more children, there are children out in the world that need a safe and loving home. We would gladly open our doors. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Fwiw sterilization isn't an option for us for religious reasons but I knew we were done after the last one, it was so rough on me and I'm still not 100% over 2 yrs later. My decisiveness has only increased and I still have a slight twinge of pity when people announce they are pregnant ( I try not to show that!) but my last one was just horrible. I have no desire to go through that again and we feel at our max physically, emotionally and financially. I think a lot of the pro- big family lit makes it out like everyone regrets this decision but it just isn't the case. If it was permissible for us I likely would have dh get a vasectomy. Maybe we'll want and feel prepared to have another at some point, at this point I can't forsee it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PuddleJumper1 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I am getting my tubes tied and DH is getting a vasectomy. That's how sure we are. LOL - I told my ob that I wanted to go that route. Her words were, and I quote, "That's bordering on crazy." :lol: My OB actually had a couple that conceived under those circumstances. He said it made for some very interesting office visits :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waa510 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Guess I'll be the Debbie Downer of the thread and say Yup, but with the caveat that I waffle quite a bit. So it's complicated. I'm the kind of person who could have a dozen kids. I just love kids, always have and always will. I feel very fulfilled and happy (most of the time!!) being with my kids and helping raise them to become who they're meant to be. I love teaching and tutoring other people's kids. I'm actually more upset about leaving my friend's kids with this move than I am my actual friends!! :huh: I just love their personalities..this kid loves green, this one watches Polar Express obsessively. This one wants to be a cowgirl ballerina! They're really interesting people. I'd love to surround myself with kids and just bask in their differences and similarities. So I'm a bit extreme, I guess. Dh had his vas at a time when I was getting a lot of pressure from family and friends to be done and was a bit overwhelmed with my kids. Just because I want more kids doesn't mean I'd be a good mom to them though. I hold myself to a really high standard and I'd never be able to meet that with more than 2 kids. So, yes, I regret it every day. But. I think I'd be a bad mom to more kids and have had to come to accept that. Still working on the being happy with that part!! Wow. I sound like I need therapy. :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momto6inIN Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I wanted DH to get a V after our 3rd baby. I even asked for one for mother's day that year. ;) He wasn't convinced that was the right way to go. A couple years later I changed my mind and we got pregnant on purpose with our 4th. Again, I felt full and complete and felt our family was done. We both talked back and forth various times about a V but neither of us really felt "sure" enough to make it permanent. Then we got a surprise pregnancy with our 5th when I was 38. I was blown out of the water ... overwhelmed ... cried ... asked God what in the world He was thinking to think I could handle this. But now I look at my little 2 year old DD and think He was absolutely right and we needed her and I never even knew it. At that point DH very strongly felt like we were done and 5 is enough and we're almost 40 now and it's time to move on to the next phase of life (although he wasn't quite brave enough to actually suggest putting his boys under the knife lol). I could acknowledge the wisdom in that but my heart still longed for just one more baby, just one more time nursing and cuddling in the middle of the night. Maybe just one more chance to do it "right" - meaning willingly and joyfully and not in tears like I was with my 5th - something like that maybe??? Who knows??? Anyway, I knew it was probably hormones and the change of life coming on, yada yada yada, but I just couldn't shake it. I prayed everyday for several months that God would take away this longing and change my feelings if we weren't supposed to have any more. And now I'm almost 41 and just found out I'm pregnant with #6 and absolutely thrilled, and so is DH. :lol: All this to say ... I thought I was sure several different times in my life and it turns out I didn't know what in the world I was talking about. But that's just me. Many people in this world are much more decisive and wise than me, and maybe you're one of them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SageRebel Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I thought I was done after two wonderful girls, but didn't get my tubes done. My accidental third pregnancy and delivery was a absolute nightmare. I got my tubes done. I miss it sometimes. I think its normal to always have a little ache. Do I regret it. No. Not one tiny bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No Ragrets. It's my credo. Not even one letter. J/K I don't have permanent birth control or any other kind. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I probably shouldn't even be thinking about this at 5 days postpartum, but oh, I'm having sooo much trouble with this same decision. I get horrible nausea for half the pregnancy, I have something going on with my left hip that makes everything difficult and I practically need a cane by the end of things, I have so much anxiety about something going wrong, I am a total ogre to live with at the end, each recovery has been harder than the last. Birth is the only thing that seems straight forward and I can do that fairly well, but I don't exactly enjoy it. I spent every day of this last pregnancy thinking and saying I wasn't going to do this again. And most people just assume we are done now because we "got a girl". Aaaaand yet...cuddling my newborn it makes me so incredibly sad to think this would be the last one. I feel like if we took permanent steps I would be so depressed. Even though I know I don't want to go through another pregnancy. My family is no help because despite how awful things are around the house when I'm pregnant they love welcoming new babies and love toddlers and just roll with it. I envy those for whom this is an easy decision!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Fwiw sterilization isn't an option for us for religious reasons but I knew we were done after the last one, it was so rough on me and I'm still not 100% over 2 yrs later. My decisiveness has only increased and I still have a slight twinge of pity when people announce they are pregnant ( I try not to show that!) but my last one was just horrible. I have no desire to go through that again and we feel at our max physically, emotionally and financially. I think a lot of the pro- big family lit makes it out like everyone regrets this decision but it just isn't the case. If it was permissible for us I likely would have dh get a vasectomy. Maybe we'll want and feel prepared to have another at some point, at this point I can't forsee it. I 'liked' this but that felt strange. DH and I joke that, if the Pope ever blinked twice, we'd be the first people at the drug store. The guilt that comes with saying "I don't want anymore kids" can be intense and so toxic but I am getting over it. I am Catholic and I don't want more children, hear me roar!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I regret NOT getting permanent birth control. We always talked about dh going in for a vasectomy but never got around to it. We just kept forgetting etc. Well, now I am almost 50 and it seems like a waste of time and money. I mean, how much longer can the shop stay open, right? But, when I think of the last 10 years of having to worry about birth control... we should have done it right after that last baby. I prob only have 2? 3? 4!? years left of needing birth control so we won't do it, but I really wish we had. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I 'liked' this but that felt strange. DH and I joke that, if the Pope ever blinked twice, we'd be the first people at the drug store. The guilt that comes with saying "I don't want anymore kids" can be intense and so toxic but I am getting over it. I am Catholic and I don't want more children, hear me roar!! LOL. I know I had to go through a couple of years of guilt and anger over it. I'm more at peace with it now but no less certain(only more). It is hard when there is a good contingent of Catholics that seem to be pretty close to the mindset that you should pretty much keep having kids even with heatlh, financial or other concerns. I'm glad that the new Pope has acknowledged that we don't have to keep having children indefinitely to be good Catholics, here's hoping it cuts down on some of the rhetoric. I mean I know some that seem to think it better there wife die in childbirth than to stop having children, I'm not exaggerating, it's crazy and as Pope Francis did say tempting God. I wouldn't buy artificial birth control as it messed with me when I was younger but I would not be opposed to vasectomy at this point. Thankfully NFP seems to work well for us(although we are very conservative) but if not it would be a hard decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeking Squirrels Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I 'liked' this but that felt strange. DH and I joke that, if the Pope ever blinked twice, we'd be the first people at the drug store. The guilt that comes with saying "I don't want anymore kids" can be intense and so toxic but I am getting over it. I am Catholic and I don't want more children, hear me roar!! Every single catholic I have ever known (and I know a whole lot of them) uses birth control. And yes, I do know them well enough to know such things. My mom, a catholic, had a guilt free tubal ligation after baby 4. Just so you know, you wouldn't be the only catholic at the drug store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 We waited five years after our last was born before we decided to make things permanent, because we both weren't certain. Once I hit 40 we agreed we were done. DH's vasectomy was the best anniversary present ever! No regrets. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krsmom Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets! Best decision we could have made for the entire family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My mom regretted having her tubes tied a few years after she did it. This was after I was born, her 9th living child but 11th pregnancy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My last OB/GYN was Catholic. We discussed birth control options. She went to my church. She was very open with me, told me she used it. I did not take any bc but I wanted the information in case I changed my mind. When my parents were younger they were told the pill was ok - at their engaged encounter I think! But that was misinformation. This is probably OT, but, yes, the fact is that 95ish percent of American Catholics use ABC. My mother was also encouraged by her Priest to get a diaphragm before her wedding night. It is a mess, to be sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Every single catholic I have ever known (and I know a whole lot of them) uses birth control. And yes, I do know them well enough to know such things. My mom, a catholic, had a guilt free tubal ligation after baby 4. Just so you know, you wouldn't be the only catholic at the drug store. Yup. My Mom had a tubal, too. She had 5 miscarriages between her 3 viable pregnancies. After my sister was born she "got fixed" before she left the hospital. ETA: My kids attend Catholic school (K-9) right now. The vast majority of families are 2-3 kids. I think the largest is 5, and several are only children. I don't think that's all from NFP, but I could be wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoutingmom Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Well, apparently my husband and his first wife were done - and were discussing him having a vasectomy. It never actually got done (probably due to cost.) They got divorced. We got married - and we have 4 wonderful children that are ours... so I'm glad he didn't (and so is he) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I have 5 and regret not having more when I was younger. I still could but feel that we are both too old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Nope. Almost 6 years, no regrets. In fact, I know I would have spent those years stressed and worried about potential surprises. #3 was a surprise and I knew then I didn't want to go through that again. FWIW, dh was probably on the young end in his early 30s and we still don't regret it. The urologist wanted to be very sure dh was sure to the point that dh basically had to say, "Enough already!" I'm incredibly thankful that we're done. I'm enjoying leaving the baby/toddler/preschooler stage of my life behind. I'm dancing on in to the next phase with gladness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 One kid, super easy pregancy, super easy baby/toddler/preschooler/younger kid, realatively easy pre teen. Husband started looking into vasectomy just after baby's first birthday. Due to scheduling conflicts between dental clinic and urology clinic, it took 8 months to get it scheduled, but it was done just before my son's second birthday. Ten years later I have never had any regrets. Have I thought "god I wish you had someone else to play with" at time? Yes. But never enough to want an second kid. Just this past weekend the boy was off at scouts and we were alone out of town for the weekend and this conversation came up. I asked him if he ever regretted it or wished, even briefly that we had second. He said he had never had a single regret and never wished we would have gone for two. When you are done, you are done. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2jjka Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I developed a heart arrhythmia after the birth of my last child - that, at the time, led my OB to believe pregnancy was too stressful on my body. It later turned out to be benign. I have to do everything I can not to cry when a friend announces a pregnancy, or when I hold a baby now. I desperately regret it. A reversal is not within our financial means, and I have passed the age where it would be feasible anyhow. :( My only hope now is for lots of grandbabies someday. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No regrets here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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