Chrysalis Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldilocks Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I have had it happen a few times, too. It is terribly disappointing for my child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinchick Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 We have decided not to do sleepovers either as a guest or host. For sleepover parties I pick up dd at 9:30 or so. Every time there has been another child who'd planned to sleep over but couldn't handle it and already gone home. Honestly, as a mom, I'd rather pick up my kid at 3:00 than have them feeling miserable and trapped at someone else's house. But I wouldn't let them try another sleepover for a long long time after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 It's not about your house. Some kids just feel better at home, in there own little spot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I'd take them home (or if not possible, call the parents). Remembering myself as a 8-10 year old kid, I can't imagine having the courage to tell someone I wanted to go home; I would have suffered in silence. So I figure if a kid is brave enough to say they want to go home, they must really want to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 You let the kid call their parents and let them decide together what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Right, it's disappointing for your child, disruptive for the rest of the kids in the group, and very annoying for the parents who have to get up and drive to your house. OTOH, having an unhappy kid trapped in your house is no picnic either. I'm trying hard not to go to that "we're raising a bunch of weinies" place. But I've been reading You Are Not Special by David McCullough and it's so feeling like a case in point . . . ETA: I know I'm probably overreacting. I know it! I just needed some sympathy, I guess . . . :leaving: Honestly, I think you are definitely overreacting. If a kid wants to go home, it's not about you. It's just that the kid wants to be home. I hardly think an 8-10 year old child should be considered a "wienie" for getting lonely for his or her own home and family. :glare: And please don't assume that it's annoying for the parents to come and pick their child up and bring him or her home. My ds is 14, and even if he was a lot older than that, I'd still be fine with picking him up in the middle of the night if he was uncomfortable where he was staying. It wouldn't even occur to me to be annoyed about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Call the parents. Let them come get the overwhelmed kiddo. No biggie in the grand scheme of things. But then... I cried to go home at my first sleepover. (My parents were only two floors up in Army housing in Germany, but I felt so scared and far from home.) The first sleepover ever attempted at our house ended in a parent pick up. My own DD cried herself to sleep on her first sleepover (just down the street), and I was sad she told no one. Now everyone has a ball and it's all good, but I think it is totally normal for kids to feel sad, scared, and overwhelmed sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccolopy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I call the parents, and don't think it's uncommon, or a big deal. Dd's best friend has come here to sleep over and decided to go home in the middle of the night four times. The first time, she called her father without telling us, and we were woken up by the doorbell ringing at 3am. The next time she came to sleep over, we let her know that it was okay to wake me or Dd up if she wanted to call her dad, and she's done that each time since. He doesn't mind coming to get her, and even brought her back for breakfast once when we had a special breakfast planned. Dd has slept at this friend's house dozens of times (they're 10 and 11 now, started sleepovers around 6/7), and has never called home. If she did, I absolutely wouldn't mind coming to pick her up. We've had to pick Ds up from sleepovers at least twice because he wasn't feeling well, and I don't see this as much different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Y'all are right. I know it's not about me and I'm probably being a weinie to be so sensitive. :tongue_smilie: I think it's hard because my dd misses her ps friends, and while I want to help her maintain her friendships, this whole evening has just been a nightmare. The kids have been really manic, crazy, argumentative, kinda rude, no manners, just generally really difficult to have around. And so having it end with somebody wanting to go home, while not surprising, just has me all shaken up - I want my dd to have friends, but maybe not these friends? I don't know, they just are all behaving in a way that's so different from our family's culture - we're all pretty nice to each other - and I'm kinda struggling with how to deal with it. I've just had a really, really rough night. I'm not really as horrible as I sound. I should probably just stop talking now. :sad: I know you aren't horrible! And how many girls were there? We have only ever done 2 kids max, and those were siblings. :grouphug: I like sleepovers, but they are tiring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I usually clarify with the parents beforehand what they would like me to do if their child gets upset, but in the final instance, I'm not dealing with someone else's upset child, so we'll phone the parents. I picked dd up from her first ever sleepover: dd was used to going to bed around 9:30 on the weekend, her friend went to sleep at 7pm, leaving dd just lying there awake in a strange house, working herself up. I couldn't have anticipated that, and fully sympathised with dd. I took her back in time for breakfast the next morning. Since then, the children have always gone to sleepovers with an audiobook of at least 12hrs and instructions to 'just listen' if they couldn't sleep. They always go to bed later than the children they're visiting, and we've never had another problem since introducing the audio-book plan. With sleepovers at our house we've had problems with two of dd's friends (in the 10yrs or older age bracket). The first phoned her Mom who managed to talk her down, and she stayed. In the second case the parents didn't answer their cell phones and the child couldn't remember her home phone number. We all spent a restless night. Although the kids do sleepovers, I am definitely not a fan of them, and limit them as much as possible to one per school holiday! Also I would never, ever have more than one child at a time for a sleepover. I value my own sleep too much! (Edited repeatedly because I apparently can't have a coherent thought or write a coherent sentence today.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 How many girls do you have over? In my own childhood experience, the more girls sleeping over, the worse the behavior and cattiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Y'all are right. I know it's not about me and I'm probably being a weinie to be so sensitive. :tongue_smilie: I think it's hard because my dd misses her ps friends, and while I want to help her maintain her friendships, this whole evening has just been a nightmare. The kids have been really manic, crazy, argumentative, kinda rude, no manners, just generally really difficult to have around. And so having it end with somebody wanting to go home, while not surprising, just has me all shaken up - I want my dd to have friends, but maybe not these friends? I don't know, they just are all behaving in a way that's so different from our family's culture - we're all pretty nice to each other - and I'm kinda struggling with how to deal with it. I've just had a really, really rough night. I'm not really as horrible as I sound. I should probably just stop talking now. :sad: Sorry the night hasn't been going the way you'd hoped! :grouphug: Maybe next time, you should consider inviting one child at a time. It might eliminate a lot of the negative behavior. You're not horrible -- you're just tired and stressed!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I'd call the parents, or take them home. I was having sleepovers - but when I was 12 I remember waking up (not able to go to sleep?) very upset and wanting to go home. I didn't realize then what the reason was. I'm grateful the parents took me home - even though the mom remembered it years later and made a snarky comment about it when I ran into her. I was at their house when my father was taken away by ambulance to the hospital the day he died. I came home from there - and he was gone. I was too young to have made the connection as to why I was so upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Ha! My dd had a little girl sleep over at the other child's request...I was against it because of the age, but allowed it. The kids stayed up late watching a movie, then mine fell asleep. The other kid was up until 1 am, then finally crashed. Her parents were concerned that she had not fallen asleep and decidedto come get her, even though she was vehemently against the idea. They came, woke up the kid to take her even after knowing she had fallen asleep before they left their house, and dragged her screaming out. Yikes. BUT! The worst part was the parents called me 45 minutes later!!! They were concerned that they had made a bad decision and 'were punishing her' when she didn't do anything wrong. They actually requested to bring the kid BACK?! I was so shocked and sleep deprived, and stammered an okay. The kid arrives back and it was 3 am before she went to sleep. Pretty much ruined sleep overs in my house forever. And my kid slept through the entire debacle. Funniest thing ever: the next morning my dd woke up at 7 am regular time, and was her usual loud, sunny morning self. The other child yells across the room: "hey! I am trying to sleep over here! Can I PLEASE get five minutes of silence over here?!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Ha! My dd had a little girl sleep over at the other child's request...I was against it because of the age, but allowed it. The kids stayed up late watching a movie, then mine fell asleep. The other kid was up until 1 am, then finally crashed. Her parents were concerned that she had not fallen asleep and decidedto come get her, even though she was vehemently against the idea. They came, woke up the kid to take her even after knowing she had fallen asleep before they left their house, and dragged her screaming out. Yikes. BUT! The worst part was the parents called me 45 minutes later!!! They were concerned that they had made a bad decision and 'were punishing her' when she didn't do anything wrong. They actually requested to bring the kid BACK?! I was so shocked and sleep deprived, and stammered an okay. The kid arrives back and it was 3 am before she went to sleep. Pretty much ruined sleep overs in my house forever. And my kid slept through the entire debacle. Funniest thing ever: the next morning my dd woke up at 7 am regular time, and was her usual loud, sunny morning self. The other child yells across the room: "hey! I am trying to sleep over here! Can I PLEASE get five minutes of silence over here?!" my girls were sleeping over at my sister's. she tried to bribe them to go to sleep by telling them if they were very quiet, they could scream when her dh came home at midnight. :lol: 1dd couldn't stay awake to save her life. 2dd and cousin did just that. they started screaming at midnight. her dh didn't know what was going on and was freaking out. sister was asleep and awoken by all the noise thinking oops. (ya think?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TianXiaXueXiao Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I was the kid who wanted to go home in the middle of the night. Looking back on those days, I realize that I was dealing with anxiety. I thought something awful might happen if I wasn't home to see that everything was okay. My daughter is the same way. She has no problem with kids sleeping at our house, but she doesn't do sleepovers at other homes. :wacko: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccolopy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Y'all are right. I know it's not about me and I'm probably being a weinie to be so sensitive. :tongue_smilie: I think it's hard because my dd misses her ps friends, and while I want to help her maintain her friendships, this whole evening has just been a nightmare. The kids have been really manic, crazy, argumentative, kinda rude, no manners, just generally really difficult to have around. And so having it end with somebody wanting to go home, while not surprising, just has me all shaken up - I want my dd to have friends, but maybe not these friends? I don't know, they just are all behaving in a way that's so different from our family's culture - we're all pretty nice to each other - and I'm kinda struggling with how to deal with it. I've just had a really, really rough night. I'm not really as horrible as I sound. I should probably just stop talking now. :sad: That does sound like a rough night. :grouphug: I second Cat's suggestion - Dd's friends get a little crazy and/or catty in a group, so we only have one (or occasionally two) sleep over at a time. Ds's friends are much more chill, so I don't mind his three best friends sleeping over at once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
---- Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 This really isn't about you, and you should not take it personally. Some kids are more comfortable at home. My daughter has always been one of them. She does not sleep well at other people's houses. Even at 17yo she doesn't like sleepovers. For many years I just planned to pick her up at midnight and then brought her back the next morning for breakfast. My ds is totally different. He's fine with sleepovers. He's been in Scouts for a few years now, and is fine with campouts. He slept out in the open on one occasion at camp as part of a merit badge requirement, and he slept in a self-made shelter alone in the woods on one campout. (It was safe--adults were near, just not immediately next to him.) It doesn't occur to ds that there is anything unsettling about being away or alone, whereas dd really dislikes sleeping away and really dislikes missing sleep. Just call the parents and let them work it out with their kid. NEVER ask the kid to tough it out, and don't react with either annoyance or hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I'd call the parents and discuss. They can pick up their child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Are we sharing sleep over experiences here, or would that be a spin off thread? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 We had to stop having sleepovers where DD slept at someone else's house because she would get so overwhelmed, no matter who's house it was, that she would end up so stressed she would throw up. This is an extreme reaction but yes, some kids just cannot handle all the stimulation and stress of a spend the night. It really usually has nothing to do with you and your house and your daughter. And if they are asking to go home, I would attempt to find a way to make them more comfortable staying and if it just wasn't working I would have them call the parents. If the parents want to come get them, fine. If they don't then the child sticks it out for the night. I would not drive the child home, though, simply because DH is almost always out of town so there would be no one to watch the other kids. Huge hugs, Mom. I understand the situation you are in, by the way, with trying to maintain friendships. We no longer have spend the nights here at our house, or even many playdates, with DD's old friends from brick and mortar. Not bad kids but now that they are in middle school sometimes the language deteriorates, then there are the petty, catty attitudes at times, deliberately excluding someone just to be mean, etc. DD is really lonely now that we homeschool but trying to maintain her old friendships has been a disaster. No answers for you there. Still trying to work this out ourselves. I definitely understand, though. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 My kids haven't had any friend sleepovers, but my kid sister's best friend used to do that every time. Luckily she lived pretty close so it was not a big deal. I think what I'd do (at that age) is tell them that I heard them, and ask them to wait 10 minutes and see if they still feel the same way, and if so, I would arrange for them to go home. I would also prepare my kids ahead of time so they know some kids aren't as ready for sleepovers as they think they are, and not to take it personally if someone leaves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Library Momma Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Meh - Happens all the time. You just call the parents and they pick them up. I've never seen it past age 7 or 8 though. Many parents of kids who know they might have an issue, will proactively pick the child up late (around 9:30 or 10:00) to avoid a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I didn't read all the responses. I've dealt with this from both sides - my daughter asking to come home or a guest asking to go home. My daughter went through a stage where she was going through a very hard situation and it made her somewhat clingy. She would still go to sleepovers with some girls she had known for years (and the parents too), I would talk to the parents and ask if they wanted me to just pick her up at x time, or if they were okay with her staying as long as she was comfortable (it wasn't something that happened every time). This stage lasted about a year, so she had maybe 5 or 6 sleepovers in that time (sleepovers were a big thing for all the girls she danced with), with maybe 3 of them resulting in me picking her up early. I had a guest ask to go home and it turned out she was allergic to our cats. The parents and the girl knew we had cats, they gave her medicine before she came, and then went out and were unreachable for a little while. When I finally got a hold of them, they didn't want to come get her but she was really miserable and evidently also had asthma. I wouldn't stop another child from calling their parents while sleeping over. They may have an issue - medical or otherwise - that they weren't comfortable bringing up to me. This particular group of girls started sleep-overs around 5 or 6 years old (with a couple girls slightly younger, and a couple girls slightly older, some siblings), so it wasn't like any of them had their own cell phones to make calls themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 If a kid wants to go home, you 1) let them call their parents and 2) don't call them wienies. Wow. I was a kid who couldn't make it at a sleepover. I tried no less than 10 times before I was 13 to stay overnight at my best friend's house, but I was never able to do it. I got too anxious and homesick. I wanted my bed, my pets, and my parents. My parents always came to get me, my friend and her family were always understanding, and when I turned 13 I stopped having problems spending the night. Staying overnight at someone's house is not a badge of honor or any reflection on someone's character. Some people like to do it, and some don't. Even now, I would rather be at home than staying somewhere else. I think you're taking this far too personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 My dad doesn't like sleepovers, and he's 72. :P He likes to sleep in his own bed. I think, though, that parents should tell the host if their kid has known issues like this, so it is less disruptive when it does happen. I'm glad for this thread, because I did not realize before how common this issue is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Absolutely let them call their parents to come get them. Kids need to know it is always OK to call a parent and leave if they are uncomfortable for any reason. If they pick up on an attitude that it is wrong to back out of a situation they are uncomfortable with (sleepover, party, date...) they may not feel they have an out if they get into a truly sticky situation at some point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I've had it happen several times; a few times with other children sleeping over, and once or twice when my daughter slept over elsewhere. What do I do? I'm kind, do what I can to comfort, and I understand that sometimes children want their parents. I call their parents and offer to bring them home, if they are unable to pick up. When my daughter wanted to come home from a sleepover, it was luckily right down the road at her best friend's house and bestie's dad just walked her home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Above The Rowan Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 You let the kid call their parents and let them decide together what to do. This. I wouldn't ever presume to try to talk an unhappy kid into staying where he wasn't feeling comfortable. I made a handful of those phone calls when I was a kid, and my parents came every time, no questions asked. Often, it's the parents who have convinced the kids to accept the sleepover invite and go. And so, when the evening gets to bedtime the kid realizes he really didnt want to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I wouldn't blame the child who wanted to leave the environment you described. Of course she wanted to go home, who wouldn't? I know you are having a rough time, OP, but I wouldn't be comfortable sending my child to a sleep over to a house where they felt wanting to go home is somehow a problem. I want my children to be empowered to be able to leave a situation in which they feel uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 Are we sharing sleep over experiences here, or would that be a spin off thread? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Happens all the time. Not a big deal at all. I'm not sure how many kids you have over, but I highly recommend one at a time. Kids all have widely varying bedtimes, and, by the time it's getting late and they're all getting punchy, they have been together for hours and hours and much of their patience and good will is gone. It only takes one pot-stirring guest to start bedlam! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Y'all are right. I know it's not about me and I'm probably being a weinie to be so sensitive. :tongue_smilie: I think it's hard because my dd misses her ps friends, and while I want to help her maintain her friendships, this whole evening has just been a nightmare. The kids have been really manic, crazy, argumentative, kinda rude, no manners, just generally really difficult to have around. And so having it end with somebody wanting to go home, while not surprising, just has me all shaken up - I want my dd to have friends, but maybe not these friends? I don't know, they just are all behaving in a way that's so different from our family's culture - we're all pretty nice to each other - and I'm kinda struggling with how to deal with it. I've just had a really, really rough night. I'm not really as horrible as I sound. I should probably just stop talking now. :sad: :grouphug: :grouphug: We found it very difficult to maintain ps friendships once we began hsing. It wasn't a reflection on anyone, but it seemed that many of those friendships were formed around and through school activities, and once my kid wasn't a part of that, she fell off the radar. Even when she was included in groups, she no longer had the same shared experiences as the rest of the kids, didn't know things that were happening at school, etc. A select few friendships remained, but those were girls with whom she was already very close, and it always worked better with just one or two ps girlfriends, rather than a group. Bringing my kid home did change our family dynamics. She immediately became closer to her younger brother, a benefit that I wasn't expecting. Instead of her out all day with her own interests, it became just the two of them, whether we were at home or out doing our thing. Being together so much cemented our family, and my kids had to behave and have more self control because we were together all of the time--none of that manic, crazy that can happen in a collective group, lol. You don't sound horrible at all, just a mom wanting to find the right balance for her kid and for her family. :grouphug: And following your mention of that book? I put it on hold at the library. I vaguely remember his commencement speech. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 One of my friends went home late at night when we were kids, and one of DD's friends did too. There was no generational difference in how my mom handled it and how I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 The kids have been really manic, crazy, argumentative, kinda rude, no manners, just generally really difficult to have around. ... I've just had a really, really rough night. I'm not really as horrible as I sound. I should probably just stop talking now. :sad: I was raised in a very quiet hOusehold. The situation you describe would have seriously made me want to go home as well. It does indeed sound like you are super tired, make sure you get some extra rest yourself this weekend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: We found it very difficult to maintain ps friendships once we began hsing. It wasn't a reflection on anyone, but it seemed that many of those friendships were formed around and through school activities, and once my kid wasn't a part of that, she fell off the radar. Even when she was included in groups, she no longer had the same shared experiences as the rest of the kids, didn't know things that were happening at school, etc. A select few friendships remained, but those were girls with whom she was already very close, and it always worked better with just one or two ps girlfriends, rather than a group. Bringing my kid home did change our family dynamics. She immediately became closer to her younger brother, a benefit that I wasn't expecting. Instead of her out all day with her own interests, it became just the two of them, whether we were at home or out doing our thing. Being together so much cemented our family, and my kids had to behave and have more self control because we were together all of the time--none of that manic, crazy that can happen in a collective group, lol. You don't sound horrible at all, just a mom wanting to find the right balance for her kid and for her family. :grouphug: And following your mention of that book? I put it on hold at the library. I vaguely remember his commencement speech. :) nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Y'all are right. I know it's not about me and I'm probably being a weinie to be so sensitive. :tongue_smilie: I think it's hard because my dd misses her ps friends, and while I want to help her maintain her friendships, this whole evening has just been a nightmare. The kids have been really manic, crazy, argumentative, kinda rude, no manners, just generally really difficult to have around. And so having it end with somebody wanting to go home, while not surprising, just has me all shaken up - I want my dd to have friends, but maybe not these friends? I don't know, they just are all behaving in a way that's so different from our family's culture - we're all pretty nice to each other - and I'm kinda struggling with how to deal with it. I've just had a really, really rough night. I'm not really as horrible as I sound. I should probably just stop talking now. :sad: I don't think it had anything to do with your house or family. I, too, try to help DD keep her PS friends, and we have a lot of sleepovers (usually the friend comes to our house). When it's just DD and one friend, it usually goes really great. When we had four girls over for DD's birthday, there were issues. I will also add that you might speculate (if you don't know) on the reason for the child's wanting to go home. It someone was being mean to me or I felt left out of the group, I'd probably want to go home, too. DD went to a dance company sleepover at the studio last month and did not have a good time at all. She LOVED the sleepover last year, but this year included some younger girls who were really wild and doing all sorts of ridiculous things in the name of playing pranks. DD hated having them there and did not sleep at all the entire night. I felt so bad for her and told her that I would have come to pick her up at any time no matter what. Afterward, she actually spoke to the dance teacher about it. Teacher had no idea and thought the girls were all just goofing around. She didn't know that several of them were upset with the behavior of the others. DD is not sure she wants to go again next year if the younger kids will be there. :-( Anyway, the point of that ramble was just that you might never know the reason a kid wants to go home, but to the kid, it's a good one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I'm glad I had problems in childhood that I had to cope with and solve on my own. Even bad experiences at parties and sleepovers. The child's way of coping with and solving this problem was to go home. I think it's great that she was able to askf or what she wanted and needed and not suffer in silence. I had to stay the night at a sleepover somewhere once when my parents were out of town. It was a miserable experience for me, and I still remember it. The environment was chaotic and the children were unkind. No one should have to stick it out at a sleepover or party that is supposed to be fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheApprentice Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Yes, it's happened here. It s disappointing, but if the child wants to go home, I'll either walk him or drive him home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 My DD has no trouble doing sleepovers, I've never had to pick her up from anywhere. Several of her friends have done sleepovers and wanted to go home in the middle of the night (luckily they were neighbors). Whereas my DS has done a sleepover 3 times and I had to pick him up 1 of those. I had to drive an hour each way at midnight. In his defense he tried to call me at 9 but my cell was dead. I did not mind, he is a sensitive kid who would rather be home then anywhere. If I had forced him to stay or he felt that he had no options then he would never be willing to try again. The next sleepover went so well he stayed for 2 nights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 For the record, I still don't like to sleep at other people's houses. It is just how I am. I want to be home in my own bed. If I go to a siblings house I will tolerate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 As another gritty, resilient adult, I agree that we should give kids opportunities to learn to persevere. I would not put a sleepover in that category though. But I think there is a big disconnect between what you observed (a my-way-or-the-highway kind of girl who left because she couldn't be flexible) and the general, sympathetic image of an overwhelmed, scared, sad, homesick child. There can be a fine line between teaching kids resilience and teaching them to advocate for themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 For the record, I still don't like to sleep at other people's houses. It is just how I am. I want to be home in my own bed. If I go to a siblings house I will tolerate it. The best part of any vacation for me is the first night back at home in my own bed! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TianXiaXueXiao Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Not to derail, but this thread brings up a lot of emotions for me and a feeling of regret and shame as a parent. I learned that dd had anxiety the hard way. It started with a sleepover gone bad. She called and wanted me to get her. I told her to tough it out and shamed her for making her friend feel bad. I told her I didn't want her to come home and that I thought she needed to toughen up. An hour later her friend's dad brought her home. He was angry. She was sad and her friend was annoyed. Sadly that was the end of that friendship. She played with this girl from age 2 to 9 and had been very close. After the botched sleepover, my play date invitations were ignored. Eventually I gave up trying and we never heard from those friends again. I think the parents (who were also our good friends) probably heard how I was shaming her over the phone and it turned them off. Lesson learned. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 If those experiences taught you the lessons you claimed they did...you certainly aren't exhibiting them now. You don't seem to be very understanding at all that things didn't go or conform to your wishes. The child didn't conform to your wishes to stay at your child's sleepover and instead of being understanding, you called the child a weenie. From your description of the sleepover it didn't sound particularly pleasant. At least the child was brave enough to speak up and leave an uncomfortable situation. Really??? Have you not had your coffee yet this morning?? I think your response was uncalled for. The OP said she didn't call the child any kind of name, and was in fact kind and supportive to the child. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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