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Are you able to have highbrow conversations IRL?


veritas
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I've seen some highly intelligent discussions/posts on WellTrainedMind, and there are a lot of very bright people on this forum.

 

In real life, are you able to have such conversations--at this level--with those around you? Or, is this your go-to place for self-improvement advice and thoughtful dialogue. Why or why not?

 

 

 

I'll bite: For me, I wish that I could say that I had people around me who were like-minded. But, alas, most of my family & friends have little interest in intellectual endeavors--unless there's an accompanying immediate reward. 

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lol--not sure how intellectual I am, but I do get to have some wonderful conversations in my Education for Ministry class, and I have deep convos with good friends, too. I have one sweet woman who moved away some time ago who was my go-to "intellectual" friend. She had a mom who made them "learn things in the summer," and she can quote poetry, Scripture and literature like you wouldn't believe. She's not haughty, either. Fun to listen to smart folks like that!

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With my mother, sure, plus on some subjects with DH and with one friend who is working on her PhD and reads voraciously.  And a few really great women who will talk about education but since they don't homeschool we have less to talk about then we used to.  Homeschoolers around here are fairly private and don't engage in anything past a quick greeting.  Otherwise, no, hard to find anyone around here that will talk about anything but eyebrow waxing and pedicures...or gossip unmercifully about whoever isn't in the group at the moment.  

 

And poor DS has it worse.  When he tries to talk about Latin or the Romans or science or a cool change in his curriculum, he gets made fun of and pressured to talk about the latest video game or fad cartoon.  He likes video games but there is so much more that he would rather talk about and explore....and no one we can find that he can share with.

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Plenty of intellectul sound here - Ds18 is still firmly working on his philosophy of Life and Dd12 is firmly in the Argument Stage.

 

Not very highbrow though unless you include calling Shakespeare a Babboon for his heavy handed treatment of Lear's daughters.

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My MIL is quite intelligent and we like to babble on about science, medicine, and Chistiano Ronaldo. :)

I have an awesome MIL, too. I just talked to her and we had an intellectually stimulating conversation.

 

For others, it depends. When my husband worked at RAND for a year, tons. When he worked with Laser physicists, tons. In the DC area, tons. When we were in Germany, he had a friend who was Rhodes Scholar, we could barely keep up with him!! Some areas and times, however, not so much, although we always have friends and relatives to call when we need to.

 

While we have some common interests, my husband is not interested in language geekery and I am not interested in gears or torque ratios. My son now can talk gear ratios with him and I have plenty of phonics friends to email. I could talk to my daughter about high level language stuff, but she does not love it, so I don't. She does talk about gymnastics with me now and we watch gymnastics videos together! She has been doing gymnastics for about a year and a half now.

 

We have friends we know from Germany that last time we visited the guys stayed up late talking about pilot and gear geekery and his wife and I stayed up talking about languages and comparing her Russian math books to several other math textbooks she owns and the math that was in the West Virginia schools. (She afterschools, she grew up in Russia and kept her math books.)

 

ETA: When we were at RAND, we went to a dinner party with several of my husband's co-workers and I was pursuing his Latin book selection for ideas. He had started teaching himself Latin a few years earlier. Unlike people who look at you like you are crazy for teaching your children Latin, he was pleased and intrigued and we talked for a while about the differences between learning Latin as an adult and as a child.

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On a few topics I can have a discussion in which I am a strong, educated participant.  On most topics, I am not that invested or educated to have an opinion worth sharing.

 

Dh and I have some overlapping interests, and we can have stimulating discussions on those topics.

 

When I was doing adjunct teaching, I would tell my students, "Now learn and use this word because it makes you sound really smart".  :D

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Yes, I have many friends and acquaintances that I can and do engage in intellectually stimulating discussion.  I find it different than here though because written discussion by it's very nature allows you to formulate your thoughts more deliberately and to put it all down before someone jumps in with their own two cents.  But then verbal discussion has a verbal ping-pong and layering effect that is hard to get in written discussion. . .   I'm glad that I have access to both.  

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And poor DS has it worse. When he tries to talk about Latin or the Romans or science or a cool change in his curriculum, he gets made fun of and pressured to talk about the latest video game or fad cartoon. He likes video games but there is so much more that he would rather talk about and explore....and no one we can find that he can share with.

It doesn't get any better unfortunately. My husband is still struggling to accept that when around his brothers and their circle of friends, who used to be DHs circle too, any topic other than video games, a couple of tv shows which they like basically only because they're controversial and 'edgy' , and a small selection of music, will get laughed at and ignored or teased. He just can't understand how a group of men, aged from early 20s to mid 30s can be perfectly content spending an entire party taking about video games. DH used to play those games,.he worked at a video game store, he was just as into it... But then he grew up, and he struggles to understand how they have not, especially the older ones who are married and such. The hours wasted astound him. He might still play a game occasionally for a couple of hours, but these guys are still clocking as much as 15 hours a week.

 

He tried to talk about some current affairs with them recently... Lol. It didn't go well. But these same people have stated they won't spends time with us because we won't hire a babysitter, which we should apparently be doing once a week so we can socialize (i.e. so he can go to video game parties). he is adjusting to the new dynamic with his brothers... But it does suck. I hope your ds manages to find some likeminded friends soon, dhs best friend has been invaluable to him through this period

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I'm pretty lucky in this regard.  I don't have tons of friends, but the ones I do have tend to share some of my interests.  Maybe not all of my interests, but, for example, I have one friend who I love discussing books and literature with.  She is always reading something interesting and has some pretty unique thoughts on books.  Another friend is very into music and theater, an area that I am not as familiar with so I often listen (and want to take notes!) as she discusses a recent performance she saw.  I'm pretty happy with my social circle.

 

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Yes, my husband and brother are both very intellectual in different ways. DH likes to discuss and is very well-read but is averse to conflict. My brother, a philosophy major who missed his calling as a lawyer, will argue things till dawn. So I have the people, but finding the undistracted time is another thing.

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No. No where near it. I struggle to put words on a page coherently and succinctly in real time on these forums quite often. I am not verbally articulate in the least. And many people have much better vocabularies and diction than I do in real life.

 

I had to look up the term highbrow, for instance. I knew I'd heard it/read it before, but I though it had the connotation of elitism as in snobbish. If you had asked me that question in real life, I'd have faltered just deciding on the meaning of 'highbrow'.

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I aim to keep it as low brow as possible all the time. ;)

 

I don't know if I would call it highbrow but yes, I have a lot of very bright and well educated friends and we have a lot of conversations. On the way to skating last week, I had an interesting discussion about monetary policy. But then to make it acceptably lower brow we switched over to laughing about a new song from an old school local rapper and discussing wrist guards.

 

Aside from that old radio game low, middle or high brow I pretty much avoid using any term ending in brow besides eyebrow.

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Eh...several of them are highly intelligent but they all have their own narrower interests. I don't have too many people I can just roam topics with like dh...and occasionally my brothers (their interests are more focused as the years go on). I do have some very arty friends though, which is interesting for me because I'm not very arty at all. 

 

Dh and I are all over the place. 

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Sometimes.  Not as often as I would like.  

 

ditto.

 

When I come here, I get to "hear"  people who are much more intellectual than I am. They exercise my brain. Sadly, I know very few people who can converse like that IRL. Among most of the people I know, it's  seen as either argumentative or pompous to discuss topics on a higher level. Years, ago I had a friend that I could talk to on an intellectual level. When we got going, other people used to think we were fighting, but we were actually having fun. Here, I mostly sit back and watch because I would have trouble keeping up.

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I have intellectual conversations with a few very intelligent friends.  We don't get together often enough.  A couple of my friends (with grad degrees from top schools) and I joked that we needed a club for such conversations.  Our conversations aren't what I would call high-brow though typically we'll talk on an analytically deep level about some issue that's directly personal to one of us (business/medicine/education).

 

The hardest thing for me about being at home has been the need to do intellectual "work" but not having the time or energy or an interesting project.  It's like a thirst and it's only getting worse now that my littlest ones are less small and the time is beginning to open up a bit (my kids attend school).

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