Sue G in PA Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Oh boy. Here we go. Anyone here dealing with self-injurious behavior in their adolescent girl? Cutting? The past 7 months have been a nightmare for our family since finding out my 17yo daughter has been cutting (for nearly 2 years). Actually, nightmare doesn't really even come close to describing what we have and are currently going through with her. She's been hospitalized 5 times since June in various psychiatric crisis centers, has had over 150 stitches in her leg and arm, has attempted her life at least twice that we know of (once she swallowed an entire bottle of 100 Tylenol), seen several therapists, psychiatrists and social workers and has been on various medications that have not worked. :( She is currently in another hospital (has been there since mid-Dec.) and we are looking at residential placements but insurance issues are monstrous (mostly due to Obamacare). We sent her to Teen Challenge back in November but after 3 weeks, my darling daughter RAN from the facility and nullified her contract with them. Nice, huh? She was making progress, too. I don't know what I am asking or if I am just looking for a place to vent. I am frustrated, confused, angry, sad, heartbroken, devastated and losing hope…fast. This child has NEVER had any problems up until 7 mos. ago. No signs of mental illness, no behavioral issues, nothing. She is bright, responsible, does her work well and efficiently, is social and happy (on the outside apparently) and has many friends. She is supposed to graduate in May. WAS supposed to graduate in May. :( She has not had any continuity of care b/c just as quickly as a hospital sends her home, she ends up cutting and needing stitches or threatening her life or you name it and lands herself right back in a crisis unit…starting the process all.over.again. Therapists would refuse to see her unless she was medicated, but we have yet to find a medication that works for her. She has had several diagnoses but the one *I* think best fits is rapid-cycling bipolar 2 w/ Borderline Personality Disorder. Our primary insurance does not cover residential and though we have medical assistance for her now…every single residential facility in our area has stopped taking medical assistance as it is currently "under review" (and we all know why that is…stupid AHA..don't even get me started). So we are screwed. She isn't stable enough to come home, insurance actually stopped paying for her current hospitalization and we are paying OOP to the tune of THOUSANDS per day, we have zero options as of right now and I'm about to just tell the hospital to send her home with a bottle of pills and a blade in her hand and be done with it! I can't keep her safe no matter how hard I try, she will not work with a therapist long enough for it to be of any help. She wants somebody to give her some magic "pill" and make her all better…doesn't want to actually play an active role in that process. KWIM? Again, I don't know what I am asking. Maybe I am just venting. Idk. Perhaps I am hoping to "connect" with somebody who knows what this roller coaster is like and can share my pain. :( I feel very alone in this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planner Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I'm sorry. I hope you can find someone who can relate. It must be overwhelming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 She my heart is aching for you. I wish I had some words of comfort to offer, but I don't. I just couldn't let your post slide be because I had nothing of value to say. What a terrible situation your family is in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 So sorry for the struggle. :grouphug:s for your family and especially your daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TGHEALTHYMOM Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I don't know what I am asking or if I am just looking for a place to vent. I am frustrated, confused, angry, sad, heartbroken, devastated and losing hope…fast. This child has NEVER had any problems up until 7 mos. ago. No signs of mental illness, no behavioral issues, nothing. She is bright, responsible, does her work well and efficiently, is social and happy (on the outside apparently) and has many friends. She is supposed to graduate in May. WAS supposed to graduate in May. :( !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My SIL has Bipolar and Schizophrenia.... my MIL who passed before I married her son had an undiagnosed mental illness and was in and out of nursing homes. She probably had bipolar and did not do any self harm. I think it is a Religion people are being brought into or a Cult... cutting has become wildly popular in emo groups. I was thinking about getting on here to sound the alarm too tonight but I have a sick baby..... I need help too.... I am so sorry you are going through this. I have some hard decisions to make right now too. With 8 children at home it makes this very rough to handle. My daughter 14 ( just had a birthday) is also a cutter. She has threatened homicide and suicide, has violent tendencies and is trying to live an Emo lifestyle. She started the downward spiral over 3 years ago... this past year.... after a few months of having a FB account, and lying to me about what she was doing on there alot, I saw her arms.... cut up... She is seeing a Psychiatrist, and after putting several holes in our walls one night and tearing up the bathroom sink and tub, she spent only 3 days in a Mental Health facility for Children. Tonight, ds16 discussed South Park he saw at my sister's house while I took her a meal and helped with her new baby.... all about the father of emo being Edgar Allan Poe Today's Band that my daughter worships is Black Veil Brides..... they blamed them on South Park for all of the suicidal girls and emo's. Emo theme is that everyone needs to DIE. It would shock anyone to see the messages on my phone.... all about death, cutting, dying.... I don't save these, but my preacher's wife showed me some on her Ipad and it did not shock me. My dd14 is obsessed with communicating with like minded BVB ARMY people. When I found her FB account password, she was in at least 8 BVB Army groups, 1 weight loss group, and over 35 emo groups, I read several posts all about hating life, cutting, suicide, music that is depressing, and of course the outward hair in the face, skinny jeans and black clothing.... also alot of pornography was on many of the members walls and cover pages and a band member was targeting girls her age... posting on her wall personal messages....the last one he sent her was about wanting to be with her to hug her.... One morning I found a Youtube video and watched it as it was already pulled up on my phone in a list.... this was God showing me what she was being influenced by that was bringing her so low..... She says the video doesn't exist. It is all about rebelling and being treated horrible by teachers, parents, and going to an insane asylum, the band sings about saving you.... it was very disturbing.... a monster came out of the wall in the insane asylum, and a woman with a skull face was dressed as a bride in the desert.... I think they pulled the video off right after I saw it, but I sent it to my husband in time....he was disturbed too. She is grounded from Facebook now, but she has hacked my phone and I cannot delete all of the other forms of communication she has added. She is engrossed in getting my phone to send and receive pictures and "talk" to total strangers.... I keep trying to go to a store to get these removed, but never had time or health or husband home to go yet during hours. Both of our oldest got put on "probation" in our hs support group....that put a major damper on dd13 (then)....depressed her even more.... December, she got prohibited from attending any Youth events for Church at all until she gets counseling and shows progress. She is on anti depressants but told me yesterday that she is not taking it all of the time. I guess I will have to make her take it. She has a Psych. appointment next week so I will ask him about a counselor but I am gathering a list from some friend so I can start calling on Monday to ask about some other ones. I am praying for you and your daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Before the affordable healthcare act most insurance did not cover the cost of the intense treatment needed in these situations. I have a friend who went through this and I see kids like this at the alternative high school where I work. One option is to seek help through the court system. We have something called a CHINS order (child in need of services). Basically, the parents give up custody temporarily to get the local health department to get and pay for a residential placement. The ones I know about were all placed in private facilities with specialty care related to the child's issue. I don't know if this is an option I your state or if health departments in your state will consider private facilities. I'm shocked my state does since it consistently ranks the lowest in mental healthcare. Giving up custody sounds awful, but it is how people have gotten around insurance issues for years. Most ins covers 1-3days inpatient and that isn't treatment. As a result the child cycle from crisis to crisis. I can only think total desperation gets people over the give up custody hurdle. My friend's dd is doing OK. Her last couple of years of high school she was in and out of multiple short stay treatments and day programs and running away, before they got a residential placement. She did graduate. It's been about a year and a half now. She's moved away, came to visit for Christmas. She is stable,but I think it's still one day at a time. She moved away because there triggers here that cause her problems. She was able to identify that with the help of a therapist once she got to the point of being able to accept therapy. If CHINS is available where you live, you need to decide about pursuing it quickly since your dd is close to 18 and will no longer be a minor. Your options may be greatly diminished on her birthday. It's a horrible painful experience to be so helpless with an ill child. {{}} I will pray for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I am so sorry. That must be devastating. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Sue, I am so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerka528 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Saying a prayer for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in NY Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 (((Sue & TGHealth))) I'm so sorry you are going through this - I'll be sending good thoughts your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I want going to mention CHIINS but I see Betty did. Does the hospital have a social worker who can he lo you navigate this? Are they putting her on just antidepressants or is she getting a mood stabilizer? I'm so sorry, mama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: I know about cutting. There is nothing like seeing your child covered in words he has carved into his legs, from ankle to thigh. The image is burned into my heart. I'm so sorry you have to walk this road, too. I will be in intense prayer for you, that God show you a path. It is so hard to walk in this darkness. Cutting is particularly difficult to help, because it is both physiological (releases endorphins) and psychological. Family therapy helped us. I hope it helps you all, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 We will be praying for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 (((hugs))) I am so, so sorry. I will pray for your family and your dd. This is a hard, hard road, mama, and my heart breaks for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I am so sorry, I can't imagine how difficult this is for you all. I will be praying for your daughter and for you all as you try to find an answer for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Thanks for your support. TRHealthyMomma...I will be in prayer for your daughter. Diligently. To answer questions...we applied and were approved for medical assistance (we were told to do this at her last facility). But we are finding that even THAT is not sufficient and that medicaid (which she is also eligible for), while a federal program, is heavily relient on state $$$ and thus states do not like to pay for facilities that are in another state. It doesn't make sense to me, but it is what it is. You can only get quality help if you are extremely rich or give up your child...and I will NOT, may I repeat that?...NOT give up custody of my child to the government under ANY circumstances. I'll put 2nd and 3rd mortgages on my house to pay for her care before I do that. I think that it is disgusting that we have stooped so low in this country that parents are put in this situation. Sorry...I digress. In less than a year, my husband can get a new policy through his job. He unfortunately chose to save $$ upfront by choosing a more affordable yet less coverage type policy. It was stupid in hindsight and I am seething that he did that but what can you do? My daughter will be 18 in less than a year. Here in PA, at age 14 a child is capable of making his/her own mental health decisions. o.O By 18...it will be a completely different ballgame for her. Time is ticking. I am losing hope. She is not responding positively to ANY meds and I am trying to get her in to see a holistic psych. but she isn't stable enough to come home long enough to do that! I now have to see if the facility where she is can send an escort with us if we can get an appt. The system here in America for mental health assistance is completely BROKEN. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Thanks for your support. TRHealthyMomma...I will be in prayer for your daughter. Diligently. To answer questions...we applied and were approved for medical assistance (we were told to do this at her last facility). But we are finding that even THAT is not sufficient and that medicaid (which she is also eligible for), while a federal program, is heavily relient on state $$$ and thus states do not like to pay for facilities that are in another state. It doesn't make sense to me, but it is what it is. You can only get quality help if you are extremely rich or give up your child...and I will NOT, may I repeat that?...NOT give up custody of my child to the government under ANY circumstances. I'll put 2nd and 3rd mortgages on my house to pay for her care before I do that. I think that it is disgusting that we have stooped so low in this country that parents are put in this situation. Sorry...I digress. In less than a year, my husband can get a new policy through his job. He unfortunately chose to save $$ upfront by choosing a more affordable yet less coverage type policy. It was stupid in hindsight and I am seething that he did that but what can you do? My daughter will be 18 in less than a year. Here in PA, at age 14 a child is capable of making his/her own mental health decisions. o.O By 18...it will be a completely different ballgame for her. Time is ticking. I am losing hope. She is not responding positively to ANY meds and I am trying to get her in to see a holistic psych. but she isn't stable enough to come home long enough to do that! I now have to see if the facility where she is can send an escort with us if we can get an appt. The system here in America for mental health assistance is completely BROKEN. :( Yes, it is broken, and it is absolutely cruel that people have to give up custody to get mental health services for children who are very disturbed. And PA is crazy to let 14 year olds make their own mental health decisions. I am so sorry that anyone has to go through this. I truly hope that this does not sound trite but if it does, please forgive me. There are so many things out of your control. If there is any way that you can use the control that you do have to "put on your own oxygen mask" whether that is exercise, meditation, mental distraction, mindfulness, whatever... try to get it on your priority list to do that. This is going to be a marathon and running one at a sprint will eventually cause collapse. I am so sorry that you , your dd, your dh and the rest of your family are going through this. It stinks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Probably a long shot, but I knew a teen girl who was like this for YEARS and didn't respond to any type of treatment. Turned out she had Lyme Disease which was affecting her brain function. Once she was treated, she was fine. Could this be a possibility for your daughter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TGHEALTHYMOM Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 FYI: I have kicked Lyme Disease in Early stages 2 times. 1st time on regular antibiotics.... 2nd time with Olive Leaf Extract and I felt better within the first hour of taking this!! I am getting some more Olive Leaf today since it is on sale. We all take it when we are sick. I doubt my dd has lyme, but I will giver her 7 doses of this for a week to be sure. It is an Immune builder anyway, so it won't hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TGHEALTHYMOM Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Thanks for your support. TRHealthyMomma...I will be in prayer for your daughter. Diligently. To answer questions...we applied and were approved for medical assistance (we were told to do this at her last facility). But we are finding that even THAT is not sufficient and that medicaid (which she is also eligible for), while a federal program, is heavily relient on state $$$ and thus states do not like to pay for facilities that are in another state. It doesn't make sense to me, but it is what it is. You can only get quality help if you are extremely rich or give up your child...and I will NOT, may I repeat that?...NOT give up custody of my child to the government under ANY circumstances. I'll put 2nd and 3rd mortgages on my house to pay for her care before I do that. I think that it is disgusting that we have stooped so low in this country that parents are put in this situation. Sorry...I digress. In less than a year, my husband can get a new policy through his job. He unfortunately chose to save $$ upfront by choosing a more affordable yet less coverage type policy. It was stupid in hindsight and I am seething that he did that but what can you do? My daughter will be 18 in less than a year. Here in PA, at age 14 a child is capable of making his/her own mental health decisions. o.O By 18...it will be a completely different ballgame for her. Time is ticking. I am losing hope. She is not responding positively to ANY meds and I am trying to get her in to see a holistic psych. but she isn't stable enough to come home long enough to do that! I now have to see if the facility where she is can send an escort with us if we can get an appt. The system here in America for mental health assistance is completely BROKEN. :( Thank you for being honest.... I worry about my dd everyday and she keeps hiding carpet cutters, razor blades... and talks about dying alot!!! I honestly don't think my dd has mental illness, although I won't know for sure until she gets more help. Years of counseling and switching med's has helped my SIL.... she never cut herself, but she has been in several crisis center's and State Hospital's over the years. I think alot of her problem has been not taking her medicine.... and when she lives by herself there are people who always end up taking advantage of her. I am praying for you and your daughter too. God help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Many tender hugs for you and your family. It might help to understand that self harm is a coping skill. Clearly it is not an acceptable or good one. But the focus can't be on getting her to stop but instead on changing the need for the coping by adding new coping skills and addressing the underlying cognitive errors. Clearly her *brain* is not working correctly and it is my prayer that you soon find the right meds that will allow the next stage of recovery to begin and progress. I hear you about not giving up custody to the state. But you are in an unreal situation with limited options and a huge need. You are powerless over many things. I agree with the self care (meditation, mindfulness, NAMI....) because YOU need to be well first. It is critical. I have worked with these kids professionally and have a child who is out of control in other ways Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I honestly don't think my dd has mental illness, although I won't know for sure until she gets more help. By definition the behavior suggests mental illness - something is not working correctly on her brain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. I was a cutter and runner and tried suicide with tylonol (really bad option) as well as eating issues. Right into early adulthood. As Joanne said, the cutting is a coping skill although a really poor one. I can't imagine the stress this is causing you. Hope you find solutions soon and meds that will allow her to move forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Get and read, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" What Joanne said. Take care of yourself so you don't get caught up in crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I'm so, so sorry you and your family are going through this. I had a niece who went through a very similar situation, where the parents had to give up custody in order to get her the care she needed. This was years ago (probably 12-15), and she has come a long way since then. Still day by day, but she is doing so much better. She has a great relationships with her parents and they have stood behind her the whole way. She is from a very sweet, loving family, like you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Praying that you can get help quickly. My cutter turned 20 and left home to live with her boyfriend who doesn't believe in mental illness. He believes we were harming her more by making her see a councilor. Right now she is in a "happy" place but I'm afraid she'll cycle through by Easter and I don't know what I'll do since she's now 8 hours away. It's a hard road for parents to walk through, just keep putting one foot in front of another. Prayers for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 May God be with all of you dealing with these issues.... :crying: I read an article before about parents having to give up custody to get mental health treatment for their kids. It is horrifying and a shame to our society. OP, I understand why NO ONE would want to do that. But the truth is, your custody of her will be over in a year regardless - when she turns 18. Is it worth holding on to that custody when you can't get her the help she needs during that time? Then the time will be up, and it will be out of your hands. I don't know the answer. It's something to think about though. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Since you are out of pocket anyway...... If it were me I would be heading here (or equivalent), this guy is supposed to be one of, if not, the best: http://www.definitivemind.com/ Adding: I have a SN relative, and we applied for conservatorship. SN people need an advocate, we would never put them in the care of the state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMV Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 :grouphug: To both Sue and TGHealthy (and to all other parents with struggling children). Your particular situation is not one we have dealt with but we have dealt with some situations with foster children that overlap some and I've learned a lot about child/adolescent mental health in the course of reading to attempt to be the parent that was needed in the moment (even if that was a bit disparate from how I as a neurotypical child/adolescent was parented and how I envisioned parenting). I offer some eclectic thoughts to both of you (and anyone else reading this thread) and I hope something will be helpful. *Cutting is often viewed as a bit of a maladaptive coping strategy towards emotional regulation. From my (somewhat limited I'll admit) understanding DBT [Dialectical Behavioral Therapy] is usually the preferred evidence based strategy because of the emotional dysregulation. Perhaps a therapist who has DBT training (and ideally certification---although I realize some therapists will debate this) could be helpful. *As part of the program we foster through we have an ongoing lecture series that is a mix of foster parent/professional speakers. All speakers are asked to recommend at least one book for further reading (and our foster care organization purchases the book to add to their reference section---sometimes every family also gets a copy). One of the talks in the past six months focused a bit on cutting and Helping Teens Who Cut by Michael Hollander was the recommended reference. I haven't personally read the book so I can't speak to it specifically but if you haven't read it, it might be helpful. *Many adolescents who cut/self-injure are not actively suicidal but suicidal threats and gestures should always be taken seriously. Sadly suicidal gestures that were never intended to be fatal sometimes are (or result in life altering physical/neurological deficits). I see this reality as a physician and I can't advise anything less than honoring the threat. *Ideally every child would have a very thorough evaluation by their PCP as an adjunct to their psychiatric workup. Some medical illnesses (including undiagnosed malignancies or significant malnutrition) can manifest as or complicate psychiatric conditions. If this wasn't done initially it should be pursued and perhaps it should be re-explored if a patient is not responding to treatment. *People sometimes abuse substances in an effort to self medication through various forms of mental illness. Substance misuse/abuse/withdrawal can also manifest with symptoms presumed to be mental illness. Sometimes this creates a very vicious cycle. *If you are running into problems with facilities you think are the best option for your child not being covered (or not "in network") talk to your insurance about negotiating a single case agreement. In this they contract directly with the facility and agree to an amount upfront. Before we adopted our daughter she had Medicaid as she was a foster child, even though we had added her to our insurance our state insurance laws designated Medicaid as the primary. The TF-CBT day program out of state (which is another issue with Medicaid as it is state specific so you may need to do a waiver as well) worked out a single case agreement with Medicaid for her. *If you are concerned that your child is going to turn eighteen and will not be able to care for themselves you can look into guardianship options (in some cases limited medical guardianships may even work). There is much state specific variability on the process and requirements for this so you may want to speak with an attorney. I hope something above was helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 If drugs are not helping her, transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) therapy might be worth investigating. If you are still in Pennsylvania, Sue, UPenn offers it. At the very least, you could contact someone and ask if they think it could help your daughter. Here is their website. http://www.med.upenn.edu/tms/. Here are two videos from the Dr. Oz show explaining how it works and what treatment is like. (Although the videos talk about using it for depression, TMS is being used for bipolar, too.) http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation-cure-depression-pt-1 http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation-cure-depression-pt-2 My youngest son, who is 16, has a good friend who was cutting. She was removed from school her freshman year and placed in an intensive residential treatment center for about a month. Afterward, she and my son became very close and he was often her confidante while she continued therapy (dialectical behavior therapy, I believe). At one point, she gave my son her stash of cutting devices. She seems to be doing much better nowadays, two years later. I hope this gives you a glimmer of hope. Some books that can help explain what is going on with their brains (the authors are neuropsychiatrists): The Emotional Life of Your Brain by Richard Davidson. The nuts and bolts of the six brain circuits. Easy to understand and has helpful suggestions. Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Dan Siegel. Siegel is an expert on the teen brain. This book will be released Jan 7, 2014. Focus by Dan Goleman. More of an overall explanation. Best of luck and I hope both you and TGHealthyMom can find a way to get the help your daughters need and deserve. ((( ))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I don't think people should give up custody to the state and I don't believe government care is always better. However, you are screaming you will never give up custody and yet you say you cannot provide for her safety. This is exactly what CHINS was designed for and it is temporary. If I were in your position I would investigate what the state or local agency would provide in a CHINS case similar to yours. To reject the idea outright without doing research when you are in a dire situation seems wrong. At least do the research before rejecting it. Especially since you are running out of time to get help at all. Have you investigated what happens at 18? Among other things there is a lot less help for adults and your dd will have to agree to treatment if available. It is a ridiculous situation we live with our healthcare dictated by insurance. CHINS started to be used as a tool to get appropriate care many years ago to deal with this problem. It is not meant as "the state is taking away your child" or "you've admitted incompetence". I have only seen it as a way for desperate families to get help. I am not familiar with how your state rates on mental health care and children. It may be that CHINS is not a good fit, but I wouldn't reject it without asking a lot questions. Ask at hospitals, ask your doctors, ask at mental health clinics. Have you met other parents with dc involved in mental health--ask them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Are you familiar with the National Alliance on Mental Illness www.nami.org ? They have programs for parents of adolescence. It might be helpful for you to join an intro class for parents and or a support group. It helps to see people just like you. It also helps to socialize and combine your knowledge with theirs to help you figure local ins and outs for "the system" to get supports( both public and private) for your dd and get supports for your family. My neighbor's dd has mental health issues. Although the family has dealt with the issues for several years, it took the parents at least a while to decide to go to NAMI. It was a hurdle--admitting that they needed support. It was extremely helpful to them. They learned a lot about how to support their dd without feeding her illness, they learned about local support systems and what an adult needs to do to qualify for assistance (their dd is now 21), they found comfort with other people on the same journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 No advice. I'm so sorry. This sounds so frightening and stressful. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: We want our children to be happy and when they aren't it is so difficult and paralyzing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 That sounds so very scary. I am so sorry. No advice, just a big hug. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I don't know if they would be able to help or have suggestions for you, but it might be worth a call - House of Hope in York. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Dp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I am so sorry to anyone struggling with these kinds of issues. I have nothing helpful to add, since my experience is nil, but I will keep your families in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted January 5, 2014 Author Share Posted January 5, 2014 House of Hope in York was our first phone call. They were and have been full since June. I call every week. A friend's daughter is there...has been for nearly 2 years. Trust me...we have left no stone unturned in this journey. My daughter wants to find that "magic pill" so she can come home and work with an outpatient therapist. We have tried that. It hasn't worked. She doesn't want to go residential, but doesn't seem to "get" that this back and forth to crisis units isn't helpful in the long run (or short term either really) and is just like being away at an RTC w/out the benefits of continuity of care. Frustrating. She WANTS help...but doesn't want to be an active participant in it. She doesn't see a need to stop cutting. Thanks for all your feedback and suggestions. I am looking into all of them. The biggest problem for me in handing my daughter over to the state in order to get help is we want a faith-based facility, not a state-run facility. That would be our very, very last resort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I'm so sorry about your daughter! I hope you don't mind me asking, but is your daughter a vegan by any chance? You said that she never had problems until relatively recently, and it made me wonder if her diet has changed drastically/ if she could have a severe nutritional deficiency of some sort? There seem to be a lot of militant teen vegans these days, and my personal belief is that some of the mental health problems in this age group may be the result of a very restrictive diet. A vitamin B 12 deficiency would be one thing to consider: http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/b12/manifestations.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamonlyone Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I am a long-time lurker, but feel compelled to post in case our experience can be of any help, as our teenage son was headed down a similar path last year. I learned about a genetic mutation that impedes the body's ability to use vitamin B, which can cause all kinds of problems, including depression and bipolar. If you do a search for MTHFR and bipolar you may find more information. We learned that our son has a homogenous mutation (inherited from both parents) on the MTHFR gene. (We did an inexpensive genetic saliva test through 23andme.com) We had a relatively inexpensive ($300) skype consult with a geneticist in Chicago, and started a supplementation protocal in late August (forms of B vitamins he can utilize, as well as some other supplements for other mutations he has, specifically COMT). I would not say this is that "magic pill" that we would all love. But, it has made an incredible difference. He is not cutting or depressed, still working through some anger issues (way milder than previously). He has somewhat better concentration at school, and looks way healthier. The dark circles under his eyes are gone and his skin tone is pink and healthy. (He looked pale before.) He is also sleeping well, whereas before he could not get to sleep at night. This field is rather new, and I will not be offended if it sounds unlikely. I just wanted to share in case our experience can be of any help to you or others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 She is not vegan and has a fairly healthy diet. However, she does restrict her caloric intake at times (esp. when in the hospital) and that can't help with her mood. I am looking into supplementing her diet, but it is tough when she is in the hospital. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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