If you've had decent-sleeping babies

[jkl]

Please, please tell me your secret! I have had 3 horrible sleepers. My 2 year old is still up several times a night. I am exhausted and we have another baby coming in a few months. The new baby has got to sleep! (I realize that babies need to eat a few times a night when they are tiny, but I'm talking about later. Heck, having a child that would at least nap would be a blessing!!!!)

[ChristusG]

We co-sleep. All three of my girls have been wonderful sleepers. I've never been up with a crying baby at night unless they were sick. I know some people don't like co-sleeping, but it definitely works for us.

[Stacia]

Well when dd was still in her crib, but big enough to sit up, I always left a stack of board books in the corner of the crib. Often, she would wake up in the morning & spend close to an hour looking at the books by herself before calling out to get up. :thumbup1:  (She's a teen now & still loves to relax in bed with a good book.)

 

If you bottle feed, I found that putting cereal into the bottle for the nighttime feeding often helped to hold them over longer before waking up to eat again. (Once they are old enough to have cereal.)

[twoxcell]

I'm not sure there is a secret I have had babies that slept well and others that that did not. It seemed to be just the way they were. My older two slept alright and woke every few hours for nursing. My 3rd started sleeping all the way through the night at 2 months and prior to that she only woke a couple times a night from birth. My youngest did not sleep through the night even once until he was 18 months old. I felt like a zombie for a year. I swear he never slept at night the first 1-2 months. :huh: He was the only one that always slept with me. It was co-sleep or no sleep with that boy. :lol:  Maybe someone else knows the secret.

[Mom in High Heels]

Routine, routine, routine.  He goes to bed (and naps) at the same time, every day.  Before bed at night, he takes a bath, gets lotion, milk and a song.  I have to say, we did do CIO, which many people do not believe in.  I never let them cry for hours though.  At first, it was just a few minutes and I'd go in and sooth, and each time it got a little longer (only by a minute or two), until they finally didn't cry anymore and went to sleep.  They both slept through the night around 6 months, though Indy only cried one night (I cried ALL night, thinking I was a horrible parent) and Han Solo about 3, before they stated STTN.  

 

I wish I had some more advice.

[Carrie12345]

Cosleeping and breastfeeding was all that really worked for us. My bottle-fed/crib babies never seemed to sleep.

 

I don't consider us cosleepers at this point, but the reality is that, if either of the little boys gets up, one of us winds up sleeping with or near them, whether in their beds, our bed, or sprawled around the living room. I refuse to give up sleep trying to convince someone else to go to sleep when we can both be sleeping, lol.

[JustEm]

I think the biggest thing that helped for me was not quieting things down just for the baby.  If they needed to sleep then they would have to get used to the normal sounds of everyday life in the house while sleeping.  So I vacuumed, allowed older siblings to play loudly, and held normal conversations while baby napped.  Only place that I kept quiet was the room they slept in.  But the walls are thin here.  I allowed them to fall asleep in my arms and I'd transfer to a crib. While still infants I would pick them right back up and comfort them to sleep if they immediately woke up.  At 7 months they started getting tough love.  I would allow them to fall asleep in my arms but if they woke up when I put them down they would be left to either go back to sleep or cry for 5 or 10 minutes. Eventually they learned to just stay asleep.  By 2 they no longer were allowed to fall asleep in my arms nightly.  They had a set bedtime routine and routine.  I stuck to it and the first week was always a struggle to get through but they learned quickly and now only get out of bed if they need too.  

 

 

[hmvaughan4]

We've been blessed with good sleeping babies. I'm not sure if it's anything we've done though. They only nap on me, but they will sleep during the night. We use the Fsher Price Rock and Play Sleeper and a white noise machine/app. When they wake up, I use a nightlight and keep quiet during changing and feeding. I also put a heating pad in their bed while I'm nursing. I take it out when I lay them down, but by that time, the bed is nice and warm for them. We also swaddle with the Miracle Blanket or Woombie.

My three year old now gets out of bed several times per week and moves to the couch. We haven't figured out how to get him to stay in his bed!

[sassenach]

I'm not sure that this will help you at all.  We co-slept for the first 9ish months, let them CIO a little, and they've all been excellent sleepers from about 1 yr on (none of them slept through the night earlier than 8 months).

 

Mostly, I think it's about 2 things- genetics and bed times.  Generally, I think bedtimes should be much earlier than most of us realize, and natural wiring plays a pretty big role in sleep patterns.

 

Sorry!

[Stacia]

Also, we tend to keep out house quite cool all year long. Both dc wore sleep sacks when little (lightweight cotton ones in summer, heavier quilted cotton ones in winter).

[Annie Mae]

I have four and we co-slept with each baby. When they were a little bigger we would put the baby in a cot alongside the bed. Each child went into his/her own room at about 2 years old. 

 

It worked well for us. They were all good sleepers and continued to be good sleepers when they went into their own rooms.

 

Do you know what causes your two year old to wake up at night? Does she nap a lot during the day? When mine were little I got them into the habit of having an early nap so that they would not fall asleep late in the afternoon or evening and therefore they slept well at night. 

[Annie Mae]

I have four and we co-slept with each baby. When they were a little bigger we would put the baby in a cot alongside the bed. Each child went into his/her own room at about 2 years old. 

 

It worked well for us. They were all good sleepers and continued to be good sleepers when they went into their own rooms.

 

Do you know what causes your two year old to wake up at night? Does she nap a lot during the day? When mine were little I got them into the habit of having an early nap so that they would not fall asleep late in the afternoon or evening and therefore they slept well at night. 

[T'smom]

We cosleep and have terrible sleepers. I'm pregnant right now and whenever someone asks if I'm hoping for a boy or a girl, I just say "I'm hoping for a good sleeper! I don't care if it's a boy or a girl"

 

I hope someone has a secret for us!

[Janie Grace]

I used Babywise. I know, I know, there are all kinds of misapplications and disagreements with this method and some people will think I am the daughter of Satan now, but... it works. 

 

I eased up on my legalistic application as I went on (I have 5 kids). My youngest was pretty much worn constantly and rarely put down awake. It felt more "right" to me emotionally, but he is the worst sleeper by far.

 

I wouldn't hand Babywise to a first-time mom (or probably any mom, because it's just not my style to pass out "manuals") but since you're a seasoned mom, I'm sure you'd be able to apply the principles without going overboard. The keys are have a flexible schedule, put Baby down awake for naps, let him/her cry for length of time YOU feel appropriate for his/her age.

 

[athomeontheprairie]

I used Babywise. I know, I know, there are all kinds of misapplications and disagreemeInts with this method and some people will think I am the daughter of Satan now, but... it works.

 

I eased up on my legalistic application as I went on (I have 5 kids). My youngest was pretty much worn constantly and rarely put down awake. It felt more "right" to me emotionally, but he is the worst sleeper by far.

 

I wouldn't hand Babywise to a first-time mom (or probably any mom, because it's just not my style to pass out "manuals") but since you're a seasoned mom, I'm sure you'd be able to apply the principles without going overboard. The keys are have a flexible schedule, put Baby down awake for naps, let him/her cry for length of time YOU feel appropriate for his/her age.

I also would suggest this. If you haven't read it, you should. you don't have to be legalistic about it but the theory definitely works. I've used it with my own, and I've seen the results work in a daycare that I led. Good luck!

[Incognito]

Routine and always having the baby eat a full meal.

 

Those are my top 2 tips. 

 

Otherwise, I'll add that I never did anything with my babies at night that I didn't HAVE to do.  They slept in a bassinett by the bed (and I usually got them back in it after a feed ;)).  The lights stayed off.  Diaper was only changed for poop.  I'd keep my eyes closed and they'd take the cue (most of the time). 

 

Good luck.  Oh, and Babywise isn't that evil.  Just like any advice book, you have to glean the good stuff and chuck out what doesn't work for you.  If you want to read, Babywise, Baby Whisperer, and What's Going On In There are 3 good books. :)

 

 

[Ottakee]

Disclaimer---while I have had over 50 infants and toddlers (likely 75 or more) I have never nursed any of them so your mileage may vary.

 

Once the baby was about 5-6 months old and ready/able to sleep through the night here was my schedule for them.

 

am--breakfast, play, etc.

10am-11am morning nap (for those 5-15 months or so)

play, lunch, stories, etc.

1;30 bottle and nap time

play, supper, bath, etc.

8:30 or so was snack--for tiny ones it was a bottle and cereal (when they were old enough ) or fruit and crackers or some other snack for the toddlers.

9pm bedtime

 

They all slept in a room that was kept very dark (many of them slept in our daylight basement with dark blinds). The room had a 7 watt nightlight. I had a sound machine or radio with soothing music or one of those mother's heart beat go to sleep CDs playing in a loop.

 

In the winter they wore a onesies, lighter weight PJs, socks and a blanket sleeper. In the summer it was a onsie or light jammies with a blanket sleeper as it was cooler down there. For naps I just put the blanket sleeper on over their clothes. Pacifiers, if used, were for only in bed for those 6-9 months or older.

 

We did not keep the other kids quiet but often I had all 4-5 little ones down at the same time. I was a nap fanatic, esp. that 1:30 afternoon nap time. I HAD to get all of the little ones on a schedule as otherwise I just couldn't have handled that many foster kids.

 

Somehow it worked. I very rarely had a baby up during the night except for ear infections and the occ. teething or other illness. Even the babies they brought me that they said "never sleep". I think for these kids the routine and schedule was very calming and comforting to them.

 

We did do a tiny bit of Cry it out with a few for a few days but only a few minutes, then soothing, then a few minutes, etc.

 

Then again, like I said, I never had one that was nursing so that might change the game.

[ktgrok]

There is no secret. 

 

I have a friend with 3 kids. First two slept 12 hours from 4 weeks old on. Great sleepers. She thought she was doing it "right". 3rd kid was a HORRID sleeper for years. Same routines, same parenting, same everything. It's not you, it's the kids.

 

My 3 have gotten the same parenting, and had totally different sleeping habits from each other. 

 

It all goes away in the end, but in the meantime do what you have to. For me that means many nights he sleeps in my lap, on a boppy pillow, in my big chair in the living room. I have a comfy chair, a comfy ottoman for my legs, and hey, it works. 

[Orthodox6]

It has been many years; however, I remember that nights were not a problem (after those first wild handful of weeks).  I always thought this was because we made "daytime be daytime" and "nighttime be nighttime."  At 6:00 A.M., the curtains opened, lights went on, and regular home noise commenced.  When Baby went down for the night, household quiet reigned.  

 

I never tiptoed around during the days.  In fact, I tease the kids that they all grew up with eclectic music tastes because each one of them had Scott Joplin CDs playing during day naps.   

[Danestress]

What worked for us was turning night duty over to Dad once the babies were not eating at night. He didn't smell as good, wasn't as patient, and offered only water. He was less sensitive than me and the boys didn't think it was worth it to get everyone up if it was just going to be him:)

 

Even now as teens, they always wake him of they are sick in the night. Totally awesome for me:)

[freesia]

Please, please tell me your secret! I have had 3 horrible sleepers. My 2 year old is still up several times a night. I am exhausted and we have another baby coming in a few months. The new baby has got to sleep! (I realize that babies need to eat a few times a night when they are tiny, but I'm talking about later. Heck, having a child that would at least nap would be a blessing!!!!)

Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle tight. Swaddle EVEN if you think they hate it.

 

Get The Happiest Baby on the Block and swaddle away.

 

My first did not sleep (I thought he hated swaddling). All future, tightly swaddled babies slept at least 7 hours at 6 weeks. Really.

[Evergreen State Sue]

We used a routine similar to Babywise recommendations.  Lots of other great suggestions offered here too.  Hope you find success soon!

[momofkhm]

Another Babywise.  I also eased up as I went on.  First slept through at 10 weeks, second at 8 and third at 12.  And they've slept well ever since.  I would say routine or a loose schedule is what did it.  I really think they hit a "weight" where they are ready.  I never woke a baby during the night to feed.  But the last feeding was at 11 pm.  I always woke a baby during the day to feed.  Never longer than 3 hours between feedings in the daytime until they slept through.

[fairfarmhand]

Routine, routine, routine.  He goes to bed (and naps) at the same time, every day.  Before bed at night, he takes a bath, gets lotion, milk and a song.  I have to say, we did do CIO, which many people do not believe in.  I never let them cry for hours though.  At first, it was just a few minutes and I'd go in and sooth, and each time it got a little longer (only by a minute or two), until they finally didn't cry anymore and went to sleep.  They both slept through the night around 6 months, though Indy only cried one night (I cried ALL night, thinking I was a horrible parent) and Han Solo about 3, before they stated STTN.  

 

I wish I had some more advice.

we did this with ours, but usually did it around the 10 month mark when they were just waking up at night for company.

[LucyStoner]

We didn't do much different for each son (most similar to the Happiest Baby on the Block swaddle and rock advice) but we have an older son who was a super sleeper and a younger one who was not. The kid's personality and preferences are a huge factor and may have little to nothing to do with anything the parents do.

[Ellie]

I only had two, so I might have beaten the odds, lol.

 

Although I don't generally believe in crying it out, especially not for infants, I have decided that sometimes it isn't the worst thing in the world.

 

With firstborn dd, when she was about 5mo she quit falling to sleep on her own in the evening. We thought we needed to wait for her to fall asleep before we put her to bed. Mr. Ellie even took her out for a drive in the car one evening, thinking surely she'd fall asleep. No. So I talked to my mother and to another mother-aged friend, who both recommended putting her to bed and letting her cry it out. That night I bathed dd, nursed her, and put her to bed around 7 p.m. (she had been awake all day), prepared to listen to her cry for hours. But no. She rolled around in her crib for about 20 minutes and then went to sleep. The next day I put her down for a nap at noon, and she slept for 2 hours. From that point on, she went to bed at 7ish and took a 2hr nap daily. And she slept through the night, until about 8 in the morning.

 

I co-slept with younger dd. In the beginning, around 9 p.m. I took a shower, bathed her and got her ready for bed, and whenever  she wanted to nurse, we went to bed. She napped off and on during the day (although she was a marathon nurser, and we had a couple of days of my wearing her on my chest all.day.long). When she was about 4mo, she quit falling to sleep for any appreciable time during the day. I'd wait until she fell asleep 3 minutes after starting to nurse, and ever.so.carefully get up and put her to bed...and she'd wake up and be going for the rest of the day. I had a 3yo. I needed the baby to take a nap. So I decided one day that when she fell asleep when she started to nurse, I'd put her to bed and leave her there, whether she woke up or not. And she did. She cried for about 20 minutes, and that's all I could bear. We did that for about 4 days. She never went to sleep, but on the 5th day, she went to sleep after a few minutes and took a 2hr nap....every day until she was 4yo. ::party party::

 

I nursed dd#2 longer than I did dd#1, until she was 26mo. When she was about 10mo, and was eating some solids, one evening she fussed and fussed about nursing, so I just put her to bed...and she went to sleep until midnight, at which time I brought her back to bed with me and she stayed the rest of the night. So I started putting her to bed every night at 7 or 8.  A couple of months later, I waited to see what would happen when she woke up, and after a few minutes of snorting in her bed, she went back to sleep until 2. Then I nursed her and put her back to bed (if you're counting, that's now dd in bed from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m.). We did that for another month or so, and then I waited to see what would happen, and again, she snorted and rolled around in bed for a few minutes, then went back to sleep. By the time she was 18mo, she was sleeping from  7 or 8 p.m. to 7:30ish a.m., and taking a 2hr nap every day at noon.

[happypamama]

Honestly, I have had five good sleepers (some of them better nappers than others, though), and I really think it is because we cosleep. A couple of my babies slept seven hours straight at a couple of months old, just sleeping next to me. For the ones who woke up more frequently, they pretty much just nursed while I fell back asleep.

 

And for better naps, I wear them, especially when they are very little, or I put them on their tummies *right next to me.* I do not put them on their tummies if I am not right there AND awake (so not at night until they start doing it themselves). My DD (my first) was not a great napper at all, but she was my best night sleeper. My last several babies have just napped in a wrap for several months. Today, my two-month-old slept for several hours straight, all cozy in the wrap against my chest; I actually took him out so I could get him to nurse some.

 

We have never let a baby cry at night (sometimes in the car or when I am showering, there is no other option, but we remedy it as soon as possible); that just never sat right with us. If I am really not sleeping well, it is because of an older baby or toddler, usually teething or sick (or maybe just wanting to play when I really need some rest), and occasionally DH will take them out of the room for a bit. That has happened only a handful of times ever, though; it is generally just easier for me to nurse them.

 

We had some of those velcro swaddle blankets for DS3 and they were nice for babies who like to be tucked up.

[HS Mom in NC]

First of all, I don't know who started the rumor that everyone needs 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, but it's a myth. Uninterrupted sleep is an ideal we need to let go of.

 

Co sleeping, breastfeeding and babywearing worked for us. I never made it quiet for my kids to nap or go to bed at night. If it was quiet I turned on a radio or the TV for normal volume and noise at naptime at home.  Naptime out and about (as much as humanly possible) was me wearing them in a sling. I never cut short what I was doing and went home for naptime.  I never closed the blinds or made it dark either. From the time the first one was born I made sure the kids could sleep with normal light and noise in the middle of the living room floor or on the bed in whatever room everything was going on in.

My MIL was fussy about naptime with my husband and SIL. I think it really contributes to their needing everything to be perfect or all is lost when it comes to a good night's sleep. My brother and I could sleep anywhere.  It was my mom that pointed out it was too quiet in the house when my oldest was a week old and sleeping.

 

My youngest arrived from S. Korea when she was 7 months old and her foster mom made it quiet and dark for naps and I still resent it when I think about what a prison that was for all of us.  Having the older two ( 7 and 9 ) around should have been no big deal for a baby if the baby had learned from the get go to sleep with noise and light.  Instead were were prisoners in our own home every afternoon and had to be quiet.

 

All 3 of my kids stopped napping at 2.  I know a lot of other kids that did too. 

Make sure your kids get as much large motor outdoor play as humanly possible. Far, far too many American children only get a fraction of what they should be getting to expect good sleep.

 

If your child has been on antibiotics or eats too many starchy/sugary foods it may affect the balance of the gut which affects sleep in many children.  Google Diane Craft for details.

 

If your child is waking from leg pain it may be restless leg syndrome and can usually be corrected with an iron supplement.

 

[The Governess]

A few things that helped:

 

1. Putting them down before they were obviously tired. Otherwise they were too overstimulated to fall asleep and stay asleep.

 

2. Encourage self-soothing by not rushing in all the time as soon as I hear a whimper.

 

3. Involve Dad in bedtime routines early so I'm not the only one that can get them to fall asleep.

 

4. Use white noise.

 

5. Cluster feeding before bedtime.

 

6. Make nighttime waking a boring experience. Lights stay off, and it's quiet/sleepy time.

 

 

Also, I agree that keeping the house cool helps.

 

Sending sleepy vibes your way! :)

[jkl]

Thank you so much, everyone, for sharing your experience and advice! With my oldest, I was a militant baby whisperer follower. I did everything exactly like she advised in the book, spent hours on the babywhisperer forum, made and was a slave to schedule after schedule...He finally slept through the night at 18 months, and today, he still needs very little sleep. The difference is, he just reads in his bed for hours, even waking in the middle of the night sometimes. For my next 2, I went totally the other way and did the attachment parenting thing. It sat better with me, but wow, I'm tired! There has got to be some middle ground! I'm afraid much of it is genetics, and I'm a lifelong insomniac (but DH falls asleep anywhere in 2 seconds flat, so maybe there's hope!)

 

 

 

Do you know what causes your two year old to wake up at night? Does she nap a lot during the day? When mine were little I got them into the habit of having an early nap so that they would not fall asleep late in the afternoon or evening and therefore they slept well at night.

 

Yeah, she wakes up and wants to nurse back to sleep. I know, gotta do something about that. It's on my to do list :)

 

We cosleep and have terrible sleepers. I'm pregnant right now and whenever someone asks if I'm hoping for a boy or a girl, I just say "I'm hoping for a good sleeper! I don't care if it's a boy or a girl"

Ha! That's what I say too! Congrats and good luck!! 

 

For me that means many nights he sleeps in my lap, on a boppy pillow, in my big chair in the living room. I have a comfy chair, a comfy ottoman for my legs, and hey, it works.

This is how I've slept for the last 5 years (except on the floor leaning on lots of pillows. Maybe I should just get a chair and call it done!). Maybe I'm getting old, but I really need a good nights sleep!!!

[tex-mex]

Well when dd was still in her crib, but big enough to sit up, I always left a stack of board books in the corner of the crib. Often, she would wake up in the morning & spend close to an hour looking at the books by herself before calling out to get up. :thumbup1:  (She's a teen now & still loves to relax in bed with a good book.)

 

If you bottle feed, I found that putting cereal into the bottle for the nighttime feeding often helped to hold them over longer before waking up to eat again. (Once they are old enough to have cereal.)

I did the same trick for my son when he was old enough to sit up in his crib.  I used those THICK toddler board books and he loved to coo to himself in the morning and "read" his favorite baby books.  I also left one sturdy toy (different one each week) like a rattle or stuffed animal for him to play with.  We transitioned to reading those early favorites each night before bedtime too. Back in the school days when he was in the primary grades and I got lazy on certain nights to read aloud, he listened to books on tape. He is now 18 and also loves to read late at night with a good book. 

 

My mother used the "slurry" of putting rice cereal in the baby's bottle at night.  It does work!  I never used it on my son as he was on a strict feeding routine as an infant.  But did use it with a family when I nannied and the parent was asking for my advice.  Her baby slept through the night with the slurry.  Make sure it is very watery-thin so the nipple does not clog up. 

 

Routine, routine, routine.  He goes to bed (and naps) at the same time, every day.  Before bed at night, he takes a bath, gets lotion, milk and a song.  I have to say, we did do CIO, which many people do not believe in.  I never let them cry for hours though.  At first, it was just a few minutes and I'd go in and sooth, and each time it got a little longer (only by a minute or two), until they finally didn't cry anymore and went to sleep.  They both slept through the night around 6 months, though Indy only cried one night (I cried ALL night, thinking I was a horrible parent) and Han Solo about 3, before they stated STTN.  

 

I wish I had some more advice.

We also did the same routine with CIO a la Babywise... and after 2 weeks of this routine when he was an infant, it worked.  It was very tough to do this in the beginning, but it really works!

[Paige]

The secret is to birth or adopt a baby who is an easy sleeper. Some things can help but there's no magic trick. What works for one baby may not work for another and for some babies- nothing works. I've had 4 and they were all different. My worst sleeper still has problems falling asleep and he's 12! At least now he doesn't scream all night first. :) I think some things can help for some babies and sometimes, but if nothing works, don't think you're doing something wrong.

[lavender's green]

I've been blessed with two good sleepers so far.  (Knock on wood!)

 

What I do is ask: "where are we," (baby hates the dark or insists on co-sleeping or tummy sleepng) and "where do we want to be," (in his own room and sleeping through the night except for a feeding or two, ASAP), and then adjust accordingly.

 

Basically I respect what the baby really seems to need, but always sort of push toward where we want things to be.  So far, this has looked like: co-sleeping for the first few weeks (my oldest wanted a night light on all the time as well!), then easing into Arm's Reach bassinet for naps, then night, then easing into the crib for naps, then night.  I offer comfort when needed, and ALWAYS nurse on demand, but the slower response time with each step seems to help with self-soothing.  I'm not afraid to do cry-it-out once in a while, either, but I consider their age and needs first.  Our first pediatrician said to do cry-it-out for a half hour starting when the baby was a few weeks old, and that just doesn't fly with me!  However, he was very experienced and used to run a sleep clinic at a major and well-respected children's hospital, and the majority of the cases they saw were caused by co-sleeping and excessive comforting. (Personally, I think he took it a little too far, but I respect his experience with it)  :leaving:  Don't shoot the messenger!  I'm just repeating what I was told!

 

 

 

 

[HSmomof2]

I agree that I don't know that there is a secret....I think baby's temperament has a lot to do with it. My ds was a great sleeper....slept 8-9 hours at night from 10 weeks old, took consistent naps, was able to put himself to sleep pretty easily in his crib, woke up happy. I did keep a consistent schedule with him for bedtime routine, nap times, etc., but nothing special. Then I had dd. Absolutely nothing worked to help her sleep. I did everything I had done with ds, but she would only nap being held, woke up every 2 hours all night until she was 2 years old, cried a lot. I thought I may die of sleep exhaustion. I read every book ever published about getting babies to sleep, tried every sleeping arrangement, and even added her to the prayer chain at church, I was so desperate! Finally, one night when she was about 2 1/2, she just slept through the night and did from that time on (she's almost 9 now). Never really did take naps, but I was ok with that as long as we were sleeping at night.

 

I understand your exhaustion.....hoping the new baby will be a good sleeper. It won't last forever, but I know it feels like it will. :grouphug:

[bensonduck]

We co-sleep and nurse as needed.  I was not sure I would go this direction as a very new parent, but my oldest child was a horrendous sleeper.  It became a matter of doing what would get both of us any sleep at all.  So we started co-sleeping and things got much better.  (She would still randomly wake up and be wide awake for hours in the middle of the night, but I could doze through it in her room in the dark with a mattress on the floor.)  I have coslept with the second one from birth.  I think he is probably a better sleeper than my oldest, but it is also a matter of perception.  I don't really remember how many times he nurses because I doze through it.  

 

Both of my children have only napped in my arms or in a wrap.  Even if I were to lay down in bed with them as I would for evening, each of them would have to be physically on my chest to nap during the day.  They are only young once.   :001_smile:

[lllll]

..

[Hikin' Mama]

DP

[Hikin' Mama]

There was no secret, just a difference in kids. My first didn't like to go to sleep, but once asleep, slept well. My middle was a dream child as far as sleeping goes. My youngest had colic for 5 months and slept terribly and infrequently until the colic stopped. I didn't really do much of anything different with them, it's just how they were.

[Mergath]

We co-slept.  But I only have one, so there's a good chance that was just a fluke. :P

[Upennmama]

I have six children, of different personalities, genders, sizes, etc. They are all and have been good sleepers. We let them all CIO between 9-3 months. Earlier was easier. When we waited longer it was much harder. With the later kids, we started by not always responding right away when they were a few weeks old. We certainly didn't let them cry at that point, just if they fussed, we let them see if they could work it out for a few minutes. At around 4 months, we let them CIO with no returns. With each it took 2-3 nights, and then they STTN every night. All my kids are well adjusted, happy, attached, healthy kids who are rarely sick, do well in school, etc. Just what worked for us. 

[HSmomof2]

For my dd, CIO did not work at all. Although, I know it does help most babies learn to get to sleep after only a few nights, and I don't think it causes any long-term problems. At the advice of our pediatrician, we did try this with dd when she was 9 months old, assured it would only take a few nights. Twenty-three nights later (and we were very, very consistent with her during this time), she was no better, and I was more exhausted than ever. At that point, it worked best for me to just get up with her every few hours when she cried. I just held her in the rocking chair. She was usually only up 15-20 minutes at a time. I don't know what the 'magic' was that got her started sleeping through the night, but she did.

[Joanne]

Some thoughts. I personally co slept and breastfed, but I don't think that tied to their sleep habits one way or another.

 

I shared Homeschool Mom in AZ's approach (often together, in person!) and I did not stop my day, have to be home for nap time, or quiet things down. If I recall, my kids slept in a sling (a lot) when they were tired - at the Zoo, Chuck E Cheese, noisy playdates.

 

I do believe *routine* helps nightime sleeping - but routine is a plus in general for littles.

 

I hate most of the books mentioned in this thread (so far).

 

Oh, and frequent waking can be a sign of dairy allergy.

 

[Incognito]

Sort of related to a few posts - after my last baby they were giving me the exit interview at the hospital - kept it short since I already had 2 kids.  They asked me how old my last one was (4 at the time), and then told me that I probably knew everything except now you are not allowed to swaddle babies anymore!  I felt sooo bad for new moms that actually try to follow the nurses/doctors orders.  No pacifiers allowed.  No swaddling.  No crying it out.  No schedules.  Why not just take away every optional tool in the toolbox and make moms more exhausted and desperate.

 

Not that a person needs to to any of those things, but to not be allowed to try any of them?!?!

[happypamama]

Sort of related to a few posts - after my last baby they were giving me the exit interview at the hospital - kept it short since I already had 2 kids. They asked me how old my last one was (4 at the time), and then told me that I probably knew everything except now you are not allowed to swaddle babies anymore! I felt sooo bad for new moms that actually try to follow the nurses/doctors orders. No pacifiers allowed. No swaddling. No crying it out. No schedules. Why not just take away every optional tool in the toolbox and make moms more exhausted and desperate.

 

Not that a person needs to to any of those things, but to not be allowed to try any of them?!?!

I do recall reading that about no more swaddling. I think it is the very tight swaddling that makes the baby stiff and stretched out that is the concern, because newborns naturally want to curl their legs up, some more than others. (My nine-week-old just now stretches out when we lay him down; he really wanted to keep himself tucked up for a long time, but he was in a funky position at the end of the pregnancy, so I suspect that has something to do with it.) I think that is why my first few babies would kick off the swaddling blankets; they were on the big/long side, and I was never great at getting a very tight swaddle, because they wanted to keep their legs curled up. Really love the wearable blankets and sleepsacks, though -- warmth and ability to keep the arms from flailing around but still allowing the legs to curl together. ;)

 

I think moms are also told a bit of a lie when they are told that babies should sleep several hours straight. I think it is biologically normal for babies to wake a lot. Moms tend to have higher milk supplies at night, for one thing. I think moms would feel less frustrated in general if they were told that it is normal to be feeding and cuddling a newborn a lot at night. It might not help with the exhaustion, especially if they are trying to put the newborn down separate from Mom, but it might help with the feeling of "what is wrong with me that I can't figure this out?"

[sewingmama]

I tell people to this day that God knew I needed my boys to be good sleepers otherwise I would have killed them. Lol. Yeah that sounds horrible but I can't begin to describe the nightmare that was my DD. DS1 started sleeping through the night 8pm - 7am every single night at 3 weeks old. DS2 did the same starting at 5 weeks. - before that only waking once a night. They were both good sleepers during the day as well. I just put them down on their own and they went right off to sleep.

 

Now in case you are all hating on me.....my DD screamed for the first 6 months of her life from 5pm - 1am. Not a single thing we did would help her. She slept in 20 minute snatches during the day. She was 13 months old when DS1 was born and while I wasn't getting up to him I was still getting up to her.

 

My belief is that a lot of it is personality. Even now my boys are great sleepers and my DD needs melatonin or she won't go to sleep before 11pm.

[Tsuga]

I have posted this on more message boards than you can imagine and all I know is that if routine or co-sleeping worked for everyone, nobody would ever have this problem. They would "just" co-sleep or "just" do the same thing every night for two months and voila. Normal life.

 

I had great pregnancies, easy labors, and my kids are pretty nice but I'll never have another kid because I'm convinced I couldn't do the sleep deprivation again. It nearly killed me. I am sorry you're facing this. Sleep deprivation is like starvation--it has permanent and traumatic effects on all who suffer it.

 

The No-Cry Sleep Solution did not work for us. :( At the end it tells you to CIO, very similar to Babywise... but just more gradual. Even that didn't work. She woke until about three. Every night. Until 2.5 years, every 2-3 hours. I am ashamed of the thoughts that went through my head when I would awaken after years without sleep... My physical pain from exhaustion + mental anguish of being a failure of not getting her to sleep = sheer rage. It is for moments like that, that they give you a flyer that says, "Don't shake the baby." No, really. All I would think was, "I can't shake her. I can't hurt her." It was hard. Believe me I tried everything.

 

I'm so glad I'm through that phase and my thoughts are with you.

 

Edited: forgot a "for".

[Mrs Mungo]

I can tell you what I found helped with my own kids. But, I have to agree that I think a lot of depends upon individual babies.

 

For us? When they were around ten months old and sleeping at nice stretches (before that it was just me nursing, then rocking them to sleep)?

 

We turned the lights down in the house, shut off anything noisy, did bath time, I nursed them (or they had a snack as they got older), we brushed teeth, then dh (not me) read to them, put them to bed and patted them or laid down with them for a few minutes. He got up with them, if they woke up in the night for reasons outlined by another poster above.

 

Routine and expecting it to take about an hour from start to finish of the bedtime routine helped. But, I admit to having good sleepers. I don't think it is my superior nighttime plan that did the trick.

 

Also, having dh is charge of bedtime backfired in major ways when he deployed when they were 6 and under. Just as a warning to anyone who might go through that.

[MrsBasil]

First of all, (((hugs))) and lots of them.  That's really hard.

 

My 2 year old is also not a fan of sleep.  My older child is a fantastic sleeper, just wonderful.  I did everything "right" routines, not quieting down the house, no CIO, etc and he was a champ about it.  Just slept great.

 

My 2 year old hasn't slept through the night...ever?  Almost ever?  I swear she could be diagnosed with insomnia.  I also attempted to do everything "right" with her.  Rock solid routines?  Nope.  Keeping the house busy?  Kept her awake longer.  Taking her places during nap?  Sure, if I wanted to sit there while she screamed bloody murder until she puked or got incredibly hyper.  Wearing her?  Did not soothe her one bit, in fact she got frantic when that confined.  Hated being swaddled too.  I spent hours swaddling, shushing, and rocking to absolutely no avail. CIO just meant she woke the whole household or puked all over herself or I would have had to let her cry for hours on end.  I could go on.

 

So, I am telling myself it's temperament or personality to some degree.  We're outside a lot.  I transformed our basement into a giant running around room with tunnels and a ball pit.  I watch her food intake, I limit screens, I've tried special diets, I've tried adjusting her routine, I've tried co-sleeping(this has on occasion worked and on occasion back fired spectacularly). 

 

Everything Binip said, basically.   It is awful and I am so, so, so sorry you are going through this.  I am right there with you.  I hope you find something that works for you and your kids.

[Laura Corin]

Calvin slept through the night from four weeks old.  Hobbes didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months old.  They are just different people.

 

L

[PeterPan]

Not that it helps any, but I'll tell you that the whole sleep thing that so worried my when kid #1 was stilling waking at night at age 2 1/2 didn't phase me after The Ten Year Wait for dc #2.  So sometimes it really is a matter of perspectives and what you've psyched yourself up for.  I decided I would relish my ds and enjoy all the night cuddling, knowing I had no promise of another.  Dh didn't complain either, ironically enough.  First baby it totally bugged him.  Ten years later, he realized it was a privilege and a fleeting season.  

 

I have no clue when ds started sleeping through the night.  We co-slept, but it just was no longer an issue to us.  Enjoy the stage if you can.