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Upennmama

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About Upennmama

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    Hive Mind Level 4 Worker: Builder Bee
  1. That’s a huge housing budget for Philly. Housing is very affordable here!
  2. Well I guess our school financial aid office steered us wrong then. That stinks.
  3. Hm could it be school dependent? They didn’t seem to care that we were married parents. Being 18/19 was all that mattered.
  4. The married thing must be new. When I attended college (2002-2005) I was told that my husband I I had to both submit FAFSAs with our parents information, though we were totally independent and had our own child. It was frustrating and humiliating!
  5. We got a rat zapper for our mice and it was magical. No other traps helped.
  6. I have 9 kids in 16 years, no babysitters or mothers helpers, no cleaning ladies or meals outside post partum. But maybe she needs more help.
  7. I cook all the meals, but my DH will grill or help if I ask him too.
  8. I know, my kids do silly stuff all the time, but honestly, will the OP's son die? Unless there are some sort of special needs involved, generally I think that if you're old enough/mature enough to go to college, you are capable of eating when hungry, or dealing with the consequences of not eating.
  9. What’s the problem with him eating 2 meals a day? Can’t he decide for himself? I’d say gently that it’s time to cut the strings and let him decide how he wants to eat. I’m sure you raised hiM with common sense enough to eat if he’s in danger.
  10. I totally disagree with these posters saying that it's a sign of something wrong with you to care about this. No, of course don't harangue or judge him, but the simple feeling of frustration when a person makes self-destructive choices is normal and human. I have a mother with a serious mental illness, and she does financially crazy things all the time which hurt her. They don't hurt me, but it makes me nuts when she tells me about spending thousands on ________ dumb thing. I work hard not to respond, or to be constructive, but the feeling is fine because she is someone I love, and she's hurting herself. I'm not judging her on whether she homeschools or not, or how she dresses, or something that's just personal preference. Likewise (and I say this as a very overweight person), being overweight is socially, financially, and physically difficult, burdensome, uncomfortable, and unhealthy. Watching your kid eat himself to death is akin to watching your kid use serious drugs or text and drive. I bet no one would be telling you to "let go of your desire to control others choices" if you cared about that stuff. It is destructive and it's sad that the DSS is struggling and making some bad choices for his health. Being annoyed is normal, not a sign of needing counselling.
  11. I don't understand why the posters here all think that it should be any easier for the OP to just "stop worrying" or "stop being annoyed" or "stop having feelings" about her DSS's weight, any more than it's easy for him to just "stop eating so much," KWIM? Obviously, as the adult, she should be able to control herself, and it sounds like she is, evidenced by her saying "it's hard to hold my tongue." I find it very hard to not be angry about self-destructive choices some mentally ill people in my family make. I understand why they do it, I know how they are struggling, I sympathize, but I still get really angry and have to work hard to control my tongue, too. Seems totally normal. And honestly, I am surprised at all the reactions here. If my child were battling a life-threatening disease, which obesity certainly is, I would certainly talk to him about it, and treat it as matter-of-factly and seriously as I could. No judgment or shaming, but here's what needs to happen for your health. If my child were using drugs every day, I wouldn't just sadly sympathize with how hard addiction is (and of course it is!), I would be working hard to not enable dangerous choices. Morbid obesity is a serious killer and health issue, and feeling sorry for him or talking about genetic predisposition, etc, doesn't change the fact that if he eats less he will likely lose weight. It's not fair at all, but it's just a fact. Question for the OP- does your DH have involvement here? I would imagine these conversations might go better man-to-man, and perhaps bio-parent to kid. I am sure he's concerned, too, what does he think?
  12. I haven’t read any other postings on this situation, but I understand where you’re coming from, Scarlet. Anytime we watch someone making self destructive decisions, it’s really frustrating, even when it’s not our problem. In your DSS case, I agree that it’s binge eating behavior, and I’m surprised so many people think that’s good for him. I am pretty seriously overweight and I know that controlling myself is harder than it may be for thin people, but that doesn’t change the fact that I need to exercise self control if I want to be healthier. I hope you can find a way through a hard situation, especially as a step mom.
  13. It’s lovely but doesn’t sound high school level to me. She’s got a great voice and clear talent. Keep it up mom!
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