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swellmomma

By swellmomma,
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swellmomma

swellmomma

Posted
Posted (edited)

deleted to protect ds, don't want too much out there.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and support. I am praying that this turns out to be a blessing in disguise and it helps ds get back on the right path. I will be calling his counsellor tuesday am and scheduling an appt and hoping that will help him too.

 

 

Edited by Moderator
Edited to remove unnecessary snark.
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Catwoman

Catwoman

Posted
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Praying here!!!!!!!!

 

Maybe the policeman decided to press charges against your ds because your kids were the ones who initially approached the other kids and started taunting them, so he felt like he had to take some kind of action.

 

Another (probably more likely) possibility is that he charged your ds because the other kid's family made a huge fuss and acted like your ds was bullying their kid.

 

Whatever the case, I hope everything works out OK for your ds. This is going to be an incredibly stressful 7 weeks for you! :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry your ds got into trouble, but maybe it's a good wake-up call and will make him think twice before doing something like this again. I hope he is able to stay out of trouble and do whatever is necessary to get this incident wiped off of his record.

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Tap

Tap

Posted
Posted

Please imagine that these are the  ((((((((HUGEST hugs)))))) I can give.   Ds was falsely accused of a crime about that age, and the stress it caused me felt  insurmountable at times.  My sons case went all the way to trial and he was found innocent, but those 3 months (and honestly about a year afterward) were some of the hardest of my life.  

 

I guess that the cop arrested your son for instigating the altercation and for threats.  It seems like with the bullying laws that they are finally taking words are seriously as fists.  For good and bad.  

 

Since the cop seems to be working with you to try to keep this off his record, I would guess that the cop believes your son more that he is letting on.  Or is at the very least compassionate and sees this as an opportunity to make a difference in a kid who made a bad decision, but who isn't a bad kid.  

 

Hugs, love and prayers for everyone in your family.   Prayers for wisdom and truth for the authorities involved.  Prayers for your son gaining a healthy perspective on the situation and for coming out more mature and discerning in his decisions in the future.  For you prayers of peace, sleep, wisdom, patience, forgiveness, and the ability to calm your mind when it is swirling.  

 

:grouphug:

~Tap

 

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NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too

NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too

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Please imagine that these are the  ((((((((HUGEST hugs)))))) I can give.   Ds was falsely accused of a crime about that age, and the stress it caused me felt  insurmountable at times.  My sons case went all the way to trial and he was found innocent, but those 3 months (and honestly about a year afterward) were some of the hardest of my life.  

 

I guess that the cop arrested your son for instigating the altercation and for threats.  It seems like with the bullying laws that they are finally taking words are seriously as fists.  For good and bad.  

 

Since the cop seems to be working with you to try to keep this off his record, I would guess that the cop believes your son more that he is letting on.  Or is at the very least compassionate and sees this as an opportunity to make a difference in a kid who made a bad decision, but who isn't a bad kid.  

 

Hugs, love and prayers for everyone in your family.   Prayers for wisdom and truth for the authorities involved.  Prayers for your son gaining a healthy perspective on the situation and for coming out more mature and discerning in his decisions in the future.  For you prayers of peace, sleep, wisdom, patience, forgiveness, and the ability to calm your mind when it is swirling.  

 

:grouphug:

~Tap

 

I agree with Tap on this.  It's so important for young people to figure out how to handle these types of situations before they are legally an adult and the consequences are even more direr.

 

Sending hugs to you and your ds.  I'm sure, with your help, he can make it through the next 7 weeks without getting into trouble.  I would encourage you to encourage him --- he can do this.

 

K

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Just Another Jen

Just Another Jen

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Many hugs and prayers.

Are you in Canada? I'm sorry, I've forgotten. Juvenile records are sealed in the US. I don't know if it's the same there, but it offered me much comfort, knowing that.

Hope all turns out well.

 

My son was 18 for 28 days when he was arrested. How I wish his dumb mistake was a month earlier.

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JadeOrchidSong

JadeOrchidSong

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I am so sorry for the stress you are going through. I am praying that you and your son can get through this fine. I am also praying that your ex will be supportive and help the situation as much as he can. I am thankful that the cop is compassionate at least in trying to help erase this from his record.

By the way, what is English 10, Latin 10 you are using? Can you link those for me to see?

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4kiddies

4kiddies

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I mean this in the best possible way but could this be a blessing in disguise?  I have been reading your updates about your son for the past 4 years and know that it has at times been a struggle.  Maybe this will be a way for him and you to get him the help that he needs.  He has had violent tendencies towards you and your belongings in the past, and while this doesn't seem like an overly violent situation maybe this will be the wake up call that he needs.   I hope that it all works out the best ((((hugs))))

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Lanny

Lanny

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I mean this in the best possible way but could this be a blessing in disguise?  I have been reading your updates about your son for the past 4 years and know that it has at times been a struggle.  Maybe this will be a way for him and you to get him the help that he needs.  He has had violent tendencies towards you and your belongings in the past, and while this doesn't seem like an overly violent situation maybe this will be the wake up call that he needs.   I hope that it all works out the best ((((hugs))))

 

This!    Years down the road, your DS may look back on this and consider the police officer who handled this call to be his best friend.  The police officer was extremely lenient, and hopefully this will be a wakeup call, for your DS and your DD. It was their idea to begin this incident.

 

I am NOT an attorney, and not a criminal defense attorney, but if your DS pleads Guilty, assuming this proceeds to trial, I believe the Judge will be very lenient with the sentencing.

 

Much GL to your DS and your entire family!

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beaners

beaners

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This!    Years down the road, your DS may look back on this and consider the police officer who handled this call to be his best friend.  The police officer was extremely lenient, and hopefully this will be a wakeup call, for your DS and your DD. It was their idea to begin this incident.

 

I am NOT an attorney, and not a criminal defense attorney, but if your DS pleads Guilty, assuming this proceeds to trial, I believe the Judge will be very lenient with the sentencing.

 

Much GL to your DS and your entire family!

 

Get an attorney before you decide he should make a plea.  Really.  I don't know how different things are there compared to here, but having any plea is a much bigger deal than a dismissed arrest.  Just an arrest has the potential to completely close certain doors, and you really need a lawyer's advice before you make any decisions.  If you all decide that's his best option that's one thing, but since this has the potential to be huge and life-changing, you need some outside expert advice. 

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Dandelion

Dandelion

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I'm so sorry, Brandy.   :grouphug:

 

ITA with those who say this may be a blessing in disguise.  I don't want to go into details on a public message board, but I'm very close to someone who got into trouble with the law as a 14 year old.   She went to court, was sentenced to community service for an entire summer, and it stayed on her record until she turned 18.  It was then expunged.  This person was hanging out with a bad crowd and was on a destructive path.  Getting arrested and everything that followed was the best thing that could have happened to her.  It really did scare her straight, and was the wake-up call she needed to get her life on the right track.  She is now a very successful and law-abiding ( ;) ) adult.

 

It's tough while you're going through it, but just hold on to that hope that this may ultimately have a positive impact on your son's life.   :grouphug:

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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Not for anything, but why did someone rate this thread with one star? :glare:

 

This thread-rating thing is really starting to bring out the second grade mentality in some people, and it's not attractive.

 

Brandy posted because she is scared and worried about her son, and a concerned mom's request for prayers is somehow worthy of a one-star rating???

 

I just gave this thread 5 stars. I rarely bother to do the rating thing, but it seems to be turning into an anonymous way for people to be mean to each other and I don't like it at all. I'll bet there would be far fewer one-star threads if our names were posted next to the ratings we gave them.

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unsinkable

unsinkable

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Not for anything, but why did someone rate this thread with one star? :glare:

 

This thread-rating thing is really starting to bring out the second grade mentality in some people, and it's not attractive.

 

Brandy posted because she is scared and worried about her son, and a concerned mom's request for prayers is somehow worthy of a one-star rating???

 

I just gave this thread 5 stars. I rarely bother to do the rating thing, but it seems to be turning into an anonymous way for people to be mean to each other and I don't like it at all. I'll bet there would be far fewer one-star threads if our names were posted next to the ratings we gave them.

I agree. It is so immature and cowardly. They probably get a little thrill when we comment on it, too. It probably made their weekend, :lol:

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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The officer's actions are the same as would happen here. The party that instigates is held accountable for the results of their actions.  If you lived here, you would be sued for any medical expenses the other children's families incurred, unless you settled out of court.

 

The rule of thumb that the officers here tell the teens is this:  Do not get physical with anyone. Walk away.

 

I suggest your teen practice how to walk away so he can do so even when angry. Hopefully the judge will have a program for him where he can learn to defuse situations and to handle anger.

 

There is no programs like that here, only if he gets sent to jail in the city which we are hoping to avoid.  While yes ds should have walked away I am po'd that the kid who whipped him in the face with a metal rod gets nothing.  Sneaking up on someone to say boo is not grounds for hitting them in the face and claiming self defense imo.  Whatever, what's done is done. I am hoping this will help ds in the end, and thinking very uncharitable thoughts about this family. 

 

As for medical expenses, there was none.  There was no injuries needing medical attention.  The boy had a red mark on his arm where ds got him back, ds had a bruise on his jaw where the boy got him first.  That whole part was actually not even part of the charge.  The charge is for a poke, a literal poke from when ds was laughing about how high the kid jumped when they said boo, and uttering threats, said as ds walked away when that kid turned it into a full fight.  Not claiming my ds is an angel or absolved of responsibility etc, but honestly it was way blown up and ridiculous. 

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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I am so sorry for the stress you are going through. I am praying that you and your son can get through this fine. I am also praying that your ex will be supportive and help the situation as much as he can. I am thankful that the cop is compassionate at least in trying to help erase this from his record.

By the way, what is English 10, Latin 10 you are using? Can you link those for me to see?

 

Those are the course names per Alberta learning, meaning what will be listed on their transcript rather than a set curriculum.  I am using several curricula to meet the learning outcomes of each of those courses as laid out by the gov't.  It was just easier to list the course name than all the peices I am using to complete each course.

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Lanny

Lanny

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I rated this thread with 5 stars. I'm not sure that I realized, before Cat posted, that one can rate WTM threads.

 

OP. We feel your pain and your family is in the prayers of many people, including me.

 

I personally believe this thread is incredibly important and not just for the OP and her family. My belief is that all school children should be taken on a field trip, for a tour of a jail, when they are in the 6th or 7th grade. I suspect that tour would cause a lot of people who might otherwise get into trouble, to stay out of trouble.

 

When I was in school, I worked, as a Civillian, for a Police Department. Sometimes we would "borrow" prisoners to work for us, during the day, and at the end of the day, I would escort them back to the jail. Not a place I would want to be...

 

In 1994, when I had to get my Fingerprints taken, as part of my Residence Visa application, I went to the F.B.I. office, to get the form, and then I had to go inside the County jail,  to get my fingerprints taken, so I could send them to the F.B.I in Washington, DC. Again, not a place I would want to be... 

 

OP I hope when you contact the Counselor next week that you will then begin to relax. This episode will pass. 7 weeks will go by incredibly quickly.  GL

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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Well the talk with my ex was interesting.  He said "give the boy a kick in the a$$ for me" and then said "oh and by the way me and gf are applying to adopt a little boy and we can't figure out how to tell the kids because the social worker will want to talk to them to see how they feel about it"  Yeah that explains why he suddenly decided he didn't want ds15 to live there, for 2 years he tried to convince ds to live there, ds refused.  I recently offered to allow it, ex said no.  This explains why, they would not be able to adopt this child if ds was in their home fulltime. So yeah that was fun.  At least he didn't go off on me about ds15.  Hmmm I wonder how that works, he is legally married to me but is going to adopt a child with his live in gf of the last 6 years....and I get to figure out how to get this child that barely sees his father to adulthood as a respectable man on my own.

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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What's new?  :glare:  :cheers2:  :glare: 

 

(Pretend the glass clinkers there are not looking so perky.)

 

Oh I know, but I thought he would jump to trying to help ds as much as possible since this happened.  I should have known better, but I certainly did not expect him to announce a possible adoption.

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Rosie_0801

Rosie_0801

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Oh I know, but I thought he would jump to trying to help ds as much as possible since this happened.  I should have known better, but I certainly did not expect him to announce a possible adoption.

 

Imagine the kids' responses when the social worker or whoever asks their opinion. That should be a laugh..

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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Imagine the kids' responses when the social worker or whoever asks their opinion. That should be a laugh..

 

My kids are thrilled, in dd's words "now he can just let us do what we do and stop trying to make us do what he wants".  It will be funnier if the social worker asks them what sort of dad he is, or what sort of care he and gf take of them.  Man do I wish the SW would ask me of my opinion of his role as father.

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MonkeyMama

MonkeyMama

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Prayers for you and your son. I posted just apologize that my nosiness may have ended up with me giving the post a rating. I'm not sure how many stars I gave it. I was trying to figure out what the other posters were talking about and accidentally clicked on the stars.

 

Back to the original post, my nephew went through a very difficult adolescence(police were involved before he was out of elementary school) and reminds me a bit of what you post about your son. He's still trying to find his place, but he is a functional young adult now. Hopefully this will be a helpful thing in the long run. You seem like a mom who is trying so hard and I pray your efforts see fruit soon.

 

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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My kids are thrilled, in dd's words "now he can just let us do what we do and stop trying to make us do what he wants". It will be funnier if the social worker asks them what sort of dad he is, or what sort of care he and gf take of them. Man do I wish the SW would ask me of my opinion of his role as father.

I would be surprised if she didn't want to talk to you, because your legal husband is trying to adopt a child.

 

I think you should speak with her or someone else in authority at the adoption agency. You're still legally married to your ex, so I can't even imagine that they would consider approving his application to adopt a child with a girlfriend, but if they do, you need to be sure you won't have any legal obligation to that child. It sounds like it could be a very murky situation in the the legal sense, and you don't want to end up stuck in a bind if the girlfriend skips town or she and your ex are unable to provide financial support for the child.

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