Kelly1730 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 When you receive a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, these are the people who are invited to the wedding. Please do not add Jeffrey, Jacob and Jennifer Doe to the response card. Thank you. That is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 We had an invitation go out to Mr and Mrs and came back 5 will be attending. Mr and Mrs, 2 kids and grandma. My mom could not believe it, we planned for 100. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Oh that stinks, sorry. Can you go back and clarify? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 i would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 When we got married, we were Mormon. Weddings are usually a pretty casual affair in the culture. You invite everyone you know and they bring everyone they know. We were having a more traditional reception with a sit down dinner and dancing. We actually put inserts into certain invitations that said "this is an adult only reception." Someone STILL brought her kids and the 12 year old daughter (who I didn't know at all) caught my bouquet. It's very rude. But I think some people don't know any better. I would say something! Just be prepared for them saying something like, "We'll then we can't make it." Oh well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I am always surprised when people don't know that if kids aren't specified, they aren't invited. It would say "The Smith family" or "Joe and Jill Smith and family" if the kids were included. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 At least you got the response card back. We had an acquaintance family invite themselves to our destination wedding because it was at DisneyWorld! At $130 a plate, it was not cheap to accommodate their family of 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 At least you got the response card back. We had an acquaintance family invite themselves to our destination wedding because it was at DisneyWorld! At $130 a plate, it was not cheap to accommodate their family of 5. Wow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Someone STILL brought her kids and the 12 year old daughter (who I didn't know at all) caught my bouquet. An uninvited guest that I didn't know caught my bouquet, too! It still bugs me, 15 years later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cbollin Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I agree that is rude on the guest's part. When I received invitation to my husband's sister's wedding, our children were not invited. So I did not travel the 300 miles to the wedding as we had no child care options. My husband attended without me. The groom's brother (who also lived out of town) had to step down as best man because he couldn't bring his 4 week old and didn't want to leave his wife home alone. no problem.. life goes on.... Even now, we have to miss out of a family party that is adult only. Can't travel 300 miles with no child care options to attend an anniversary party of my husband's brother. no children allowed. so we have to reply with regrets. no big deal. can't attend. it's ok... life goes on... these people need to realize that if the whole family isn't invited, and there are no child care options, that it is ok to say No, we can't attend, and move on in life and not feel any obligation to send a gift either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 When we got married, we were Mormon. Weddings are usually a pretty casual affair in the culture. You invite everyone you know and they bring everyone they know. We were having a more traditional reception with a sit down dinner and dancing. We actually put inserts into certain invitations that said "this is an adult only reception." Someone STILL brought her kids and the 12 year old daughter (who I didn't know at all) caught my bouquet. It's very rude. But I think some people don't know any better. I would say something! Just be prepared for them saying something like, "We'll then we can't make it." Oh well! Yes to the bold, including myself. :blushing: I have attended dozens of weddings, and only one was a 'no kids' invite. I didn't even pay attention to whom it was addressed. I found out from another family member. We didn't attend anyway because kids were not invited and it was out of town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I would say something. I am sick and tired of the lack of manners shown by many (most?) people. Not just etiquette, but manners. I guess I'm getting grumpy in my 'middle age'. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 One thing I find so strange in modern culture is that children often are not invited to weddings. When I got married, I invited everyone in a guest family, including infants. To me, a wedding is a family celebration, and I think in many cultures it was always that way. I have European ancestry not too far back -- German mom and Polish grandfather -- maybe that makes a difference in the way I feel? Anyhow, this is just an aside. I totally respect anyone's decision to invite (or not invite) whoever they want to their wedding. I thought most people now know that only those to whom the invitation is addressed are invited. I don't think that's always been the case though, at least in other cultures. Just an FYI, too, for those who may be planning a wedding. We had a dinner reception at a nice hotel, and we worked out a deal with the management to offer kids' meals for guests under 10 or 12. That saved us a bit of money, and made the kids happier, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 We turned down an out of town wedding of an acquaintance because of child care. But, I was very impressed that they sent a babysitter list out with the invitations. These were babysitters that the bride knew, who would come to the hotel to watch your kids for both the cocktail party and the wedding and the reception. It was such a nice idea, but in the end, we just don't leave our kids with strangers. We are weird like that. If it was an important wedding, we would have hired a babysitter to come to our home and stay with our kids for a few days while we went. We've done things like that before when it's really been important to us. It isn't anyone else's responsibility to accommodate for our family needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 At least you got the response card back. We had an acquaintance family invite themselves to our destination wedding because it was at DisneyWorld! At $130 a plate, it was not cheap to accommodate their family of 5. Holey smokes! I think back when I was young and being married, I probably would have been in such shock, I would have paid for them, but the more mature adult in me would have denied them, saying sorry, but they weren't invited. I'm hoping my kids will be able to say something to people like that at a younger age than I was able to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 One thing I find so strange in modern culture is that children often are not invited to weddings. When I got married, I invited everyone in a guest family, including infants. To me, a wedding is a family celebration, and I think in many cultures it was always that way. I have European ancestry not too far back -- German mom and Polish grandfather -- maybe that makes a difference in the way I feel? Anyhow, this is just an aside. I totally respect anyone's decision to invite (or not invite) whoever they want to their wedding. I thought most people now know that only those to whom the invitation is addressed are invited. I don't think that's always been the case though, at least in other cultures. Just an FYI, too, for those who may be planning a wedding. We had a dinner reception at a nice hotel, and we worked out a deal with the management to offer kids' meals for guests under 10 or 12. That saved us a bit of money, and made the kids happier, too. When you are spending over $100 a head, it does make a difference. I think it depends on what type of wedding you are having. Not everyone wants kids running around at their wedding, monopolizing the dace floor, etc. Also, my husband and I like to drink and socialize at weddings, not babysit. ;) My friend just got married and the restaurant (club) had a separate room set up for the kids (only the few kids who were part of the wedding party, children of close family, etc). It was cute and such a great idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 My one trainwreck thread was about how people don't know that the names ON the invitation are the ONLY ones invited to the party. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 It is also important to remember that there is still a burden on the host/hostess-if you mean "Mr. and Mrs. Doe and Family" be sure to write it clearly and not leave that up to word of mouth or guessing. If you want your single friends to bring a date be sure to put "Mr./Miss Doe and Guest" so that they don't assume otherwise. The number of folks who turn down invitations because their SO was not included as an and Guest or because the kids weren't mentioned on the invite but assumed also leads to hurt feelings. It works on both sides-hosts need to specify and guests need to pay attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Wow. That's incredibly rude to assume they can just add ppl to the invite. I'd be contacting them and informing them that only 2 were invited. But I'm mean like that. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I'd like to add to the PSA: If you WANT children or others to attend and event, put their names on the invitation. If you don't know the names, write "and children" or "And family." Long ago, we received an invitation addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. Rebel Yell." It was for a 50th anniversary of Mr's aunt & uncle, so it seemed reasonable that it was an adult-only event. After driving an hour out of the way to drop the baby off at a grannie's house so she could babysit, trying to force an upset baby (who does not take a bottle) to nurse before I left so she wouldn;t scream for the entire time we were gone, I spent the event being berated by relatives for not bringing the baby, because they wanted to see her. :cursing: When I said "But the invitation was only addressed to Mr. & me" they told me that they weren't a formal family and of course everyone was invited. :glare: ummm... then don't send a formal invitation if you don't expect people to use their formal manners. :banghead: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I'd like to add to the PSA: If you WANT children or others to attend and event, put their names on the invitation. If you don't know the names, write "and children" or "And family." Long ago, we received an invitation addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. Rebel Yell." It was for a 50th anniversary of Mr's aunt & uncle, so it seemed reasonable that it was an adult-only event. After driving an hour out of the way to drop the baby off at a grannie's house so she could babysit, trying to force an upset baby (who does not take a bottle) to nurse before I left so she wouldn;t scream for the entire time we were gone, I spent the event being berated by relatives for not bringing the baby, because they wanted to see her. :cursing: When I said "But the invitation was only addressed to Mr. & me" they told me that they weren't a formal family and of course everyone was invited. :glare: ummm... then don't send a formal invitation if you don't expect people to use their formal manners. :banghead: This has happened to us several times as well. Honestly, I think a manners class should be part of our educational curriculum. I'm always surprised by the people who don't RSVP but show up because "I know you knew I'd be coming" or those who RSVP but then don't show up (I guess they want to make us feel good, but really don't want to attend). Really, we need to get some basic manner training into the next generation :) I don't know if we can fix those of our generation at this point, but maybe we can make things easier for our kids with proper training. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 My husband's stepfather's daughter got married for the second time (not long after DH and I were married and BIL was living with us while he was in school). Now DH's mother married this man after DH was grown and out of the house so the children barely knew each other and we had never met the new man. BIL didn't attend the wedding and it angered stepfather so much he refused to speak to BIL for YEARS (and didn't tell him why for years either) About 2 years ago I was cleaning out some old stuff and found the invite--- made out to just DH and me. (but we did bring DD1-- she was 7 days old we KNEW we would be in super trouble if we didn't attend). Still can't stand to be near stepfather. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 So... let me ask: We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says: "Names(s) in our party __________" Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I do think invitations are normally pretty unclear so maybe they just weren't sure. Everyone seems to have different ideas of what they want and there are different cultural norms but still seem to use pretty much the same wording. I think the only time I've been annoyed by a wedding invite was when I was pregnant with my eldest and she was due about a month before a friends wedding and they hadn't included my newborn in the invite. It just annoyed me they would seriously be inconsiderate enough to not factor in the fact that I wouldn't want to leave my newborn for the two nights it would end up needing us to be away for. We didn't go. In the end I came to the conclusion I was less important to them than they were to me and that they wanted to be seen to be inviting us but didn't actually care if we were there. I haven't actually had any contact with them since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Is part of the confusion with wedding invitations due to the use or non-use of inner envelopes? From all our recent research for DS/DIL's wedding, we were told that you do not put "and guest" or "and family" on the outer mailing envelope. You add that to the inner envelope that holds the invitation. But if you aren't using an inner envelope, there's no place to indicate whether a guest or family are specifically included or not. I'm pretty sure we did not include 'guest' or 'family' on our invitations, but left it with the implied assumption that all were invited. Of course, their wedding is small and semi-formal with only family and very close friends attending. I'm not at all bothered by asking my brother if he's bringing his new girlfriend with him to the wedding, or that my best friend from high school is bringing all 3 kids. It really wouldn't be the same if they weren't all there to celebrate with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I agree that is rude on the guest's part. When I received invitation to my husband's sister's wedding, our children were not invited. So I did not travel the 300 miles to the wedding as we had no child care options. My husband attended without me. The groom's brother (who also lived out of town) had to step down as best man because he couldn't bring his 4 week old and didn't want to leave his wife home alone. no problem.. life goes on.... Even now, we have to miss out of a family party that is adult only. Can't travel 300 miles with no child care options to attend an anniversary party of my husband's brother. no children allowed. so we have to reply with regrets. no big deal. can't attend. it's ok... life goes on... these people need to realize that if the whole family isn't invited, and there are no child care options, that it is ok to say No, we can't attend, and move on in life and not feel any obligation to send a gift either. I agree it is their right but it never sits well with me to exclude children from such events. I am not against adult only parties or evenings out....but these milestone celebrations that exclude children makes me sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 So... let me ask: We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says: "Names(s) in our party __________" Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names? If it is addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. X", then that normally means children are not invited. If children are invited, the invitation should say "and family" or something similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 So... let me ask: We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says: "Names(s) in our party __________" Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names? Just you and your dh. The RSVP lines are to let them know how many of the invited people will come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 One thing I find so strange in modern culture is that children often are not invited to weddings. When I got married, I invited everyone in a guest family, including infants. To me, a wedding is a family celebration, and I think in many cultures it was always that way. I have European ancestry not too far back -- German mom and Polish grandfather -- maybe that makes a difference in the way I feel? Anyhow, this is just an aside. I totally respect anyone's decision to invite (or not invite) whoever they want to their wedding. I thought most people now know that only those to whom the invitation is addressed are invited. I don't think that's always been the case though, at least in other cultures. Just an FYI, too, for those who may be planning a wedding. We had a dinner reception at a nice hotel, and we worked out a deal with the management to offer kids' meals for guests under 10 or 12. That saved us a bit of money, and made the kids happier, too. This is the case in our family (I have a huge extended family) with the one exception I mentioned earlier. That's why it didn't even dawn on me to check the address label. Then again, I've never been invited to a wedding that was $100 a head either. ::shrug:: If it was that fancy, I'd choose to leave them at home to save on the couple's expenses. We did attend one that was pretty fancy, and could have brought the kids but chose not to. It was on the top floor of 25 story office building in a downtown setting. I used my own discretion that might not have been the best environment for my kids. There were lots of kids there though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Yep...that totally drives me bonkers!!! If the invitation isn't addressed "and family", then PLEASE leave your kids at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 So... let me ask: We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says: "Names(s) in our party __________" Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names? Just the two of you. The line is blank so that, say, if you or your DH can't make it, you can just put one name in there. Or - say a whole family was invited - the family could include only the names of those who can attend. Can't add names that weren't addressed :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 So... let me ask: We just recently received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Us. On the RSVP card it says to RSVP by May 15th and the line below it says: "Names(s) in our party __________" Soooo.. no where does it say 'no children' and there is a line for us to fill in names. Does this mean I can add our whole family, kids included? Or just mine and DH's names? We had that happen with the RSVP asking for how many adults and how many children. The added twist was that dd was the closest person in our family to the bride. It was puzzling, and a little stressful to figure out what the heck they were expecting us to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 And this is why I am glad that with most of our friends/ community all events are family events..... no room for confusion. :lol: We did have 1 woman who had a baby shower for her dd and for some reasons, no kids invited (except non mobile babies were ok)?? And most everyone invited had small kids (even if I didn't homeschool, at that time my oldest was 3) so needless to say her attendance was low. (Oh and it was during typical work hours so most (all I think?) had no DHs to leave kids with. And they usually babysit each other's kids for dr appts and the like, so it was kinda like either 2-3 stay home and baby sit everyone else's kids while they go or no one goes LOL :laugh: )! And she was kinda upset about the low attendance?? :huh: (She knew everyone, these were her friends not DDs, I think her kids are just all grown so she forgot about the logistics of child care.) So if you exclude kids, just be look at your guest list and decide if you are ok that some may not make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 It's not that we are excluding children. The children of our close, immediate family members are invited. We just had to keep a close watch on our numbers, because of seating (the room only holds so many) and cost. We had some regretfully decline so adding these few in aren't really a problem, it's just that I really think people are clueless anymore as to what proper etiquette is, or possibly, they don't really care:P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Ugh. That stinks. On the other end of the spectrum, we had to decline a niece's invitation as it was a "no kids" event. No child care options for us due to DS's health issues, but we understood their feelings on no kids. No big deal. We sent our regrets, and a very nice gift from the registry with a beautiful card. Niece has barely spoken to us since. :( Nor has her mother (my stepsis), or her grandmother (my SM). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 It's not that we are excluding children. The children of our close, immediate family members are invited. We just had to keep a close watch on our numbers, because of seating (the room only holds so many) and cost. We had some regretfully decline so adding these few in aren't really a problem, it's just that I really think people are clueless anymore as to what proper etiquette is, or possibly, they don't really care:P Oh I see. Well that is more understandable.....and in that case you just have to tell them that you only have room for two, not five.....and I think they don't know more than don't are. I hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I'd like to add to the PSA: If you WANT children or others to attend and event, put their names on the invitation. If you don't know the names, write "and children" or "And family." Long ago, we received an invitation addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. Rebel Yell." It was for a 50th anniversary of Mr's aunt & uncle, so it seemed reasonable that it was an adult-only event. After driving an hour out of the way to drop the baby off at a grannie's house so she could babysit, trying to force an upset baby (who does not take a bottle) to nurse before I left so she wouldn;t scream for the entire time we were gone, I spent the event being berated by relatives for not bringing the baby, because they wanted to see her. :cursing: When I said "But the invitation was only addressed to Mr. & me" they told me that they weren't a formal family and of course everyone was invited. :glare: ummm... then don't send a formal invitation if you don't expect people to use their formal manners. :banghead: :iagree: We had the same problem with a wedding of a church friend. The invitation was addressed to DH and me. DS was 1 at the time, and his only babysitter was attending the wedding, so we stayed home. Later a bunch of people from church asked why we didn't make it. I explained, and they were all surprised, because everyone else "knew" to bring their kids--the reception was very casual with peppy music to dance/twirl around to, there were favors specifically for the kids, etc. The bride just didn't know how to properly address invitations. I was bummed. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 It's not that we are excluding children. The children of our close, immediate family members are invited. We just had to keep a close watch on our numbers, because of seating (the room only holds so many) and cost. We had some regretfully decline so adding these few in aren't really a problem, it's just that I really think people are clueless anymore as to what proper etiquette is, or possibly, they don't really care:P Do they know others who will be attending and bringing their kids? That's probably what is causing them to assume they can bring their family if others are going with kids and you just need to tell them you don't have space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 One thing I find so strange in modern culture is that children often are not invited to weddings. When I got married, I invited everyone in a guest family, including infants. To me, a wedding is a family celebration, and I think in many cultures it was always that way. I have European ancestry not too far back -- German mom and Polish grandfather -- maybe that makes a difference in the way I feel? this is not a "modern" vs non-modern thing My parents were married 45-ish years ago -- and explicitly had a wedding with no children invited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 One thing I find so strange in modern culture is that children often are not invited to weddings. When I got married, I invited everyone in a guest family, including infants. To me, a wedding is a family celebration, and I think in many cultures it was always that way. I have European ancestry not too far back -- German mom and Polish grandfather -- maybe that makes a difference in the way I feel? The thing is that many people today have receptions that are catered, sit-down events, as opposed to the kind of reception that was more common when I got married back in the dark ages, where there was cake and mints and punch and nuts, and people milling around and chatting with each other. OTOH, sometimes people can't find a large enough place for the reception (or for the wedding itself), so they have to limit their guests somehow. Anyhow, this is just an aside. I totally respect anyone's decision to invite (or not invite) whoever they want to their wedding. I thought most people now know that only those to whom the invitation is addressed are invited. I don't think that's always been the case though, at least in other cultures. No, they absolutely do not know this. And it has always been the case here; just ask Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I have a very strange opposite problem. DH and I live in the community where I grew up. We live very close to my parents, and attend the same LDS ward (congregation) as them. I can't count how many times someone has sent an invitation to my PARENTS and just assumed that I would know I was included in that invitation as well. Uh. . . I'm a married adult with an established household of my own. WHY would I be expected to know that the invitation included me when you did not put my name on it or send it to my home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 The children/no children issues hasn't been consistent in my experience. Rarely does the invitation I receive say "and family" but several times it has been a family affair. I always check. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I feel differently about infants. If the invitation says "no children", I know my 2-12 year olds aren't welcome. But I would feel ok with bringing an under 1, nursing infant. Am I rude?? He/she isn't taking up space or eating a meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I feel differently about infants. If the invitation says "no children", I know my 2-12 year olds aren't welcome. But I would feel ok with bringing an under 1, nursing infant. Am I rude?? He/she isn't taking up space or eating a meal. I agree, as long as the baby doesn't disrupt anything (like crying during the actual ceremony). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I feel differently about infants. If the invitation says "no children", I know my 2-12 year olds aren't welcome. But I would feel ok with bringing an under 1, nursing infant. Am I rude?? He/she isn't taking up space or eating a meal. I would say that in general, "no children" means "no children." Yes, I think it would be rude if you brought an infant without asking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 IMO, bringing an infant would be fine. After all, I don't have to pay to feed them at the reception:) Hopefully, the parents would be considerate enough to sit in the back where they could get out quickly should baby start to cry during the ceremony. I think if these people ( and we had one family from my side and one from my husband's side "add" to the response card) would have called us and said, " Gee, we can't get a sitter etc. could we possibly bring the children?" then I would have not been so annoyed by it as I was by them just assuming it would be okay. I felt like asking them if there was anyone else they wanted to invite, a neighbor possibly? This sounds more snarky than I really feel, I'm over it now:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Our nephew got married last summer, and the invitation was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. No family, children or anything else. It was real fancy, schmancy wedding. I left my children at home. I was surprised at the people who brought their children and thought nothing of it because it was family. The reception must have cost a fortune. I feel like I'm the only one that worries about doing things like that right anymore. If my children aren't included on the invitation, they are left at home. If they're were too little, I would get a babysitter. When my girls found out that most of their cousins attended the wedding, they were quite put out with me. Mean mom that I am - just trying to do the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeorgiaGirl160 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I was one of those people who did not invite children to our formal evening wedding in a historic Southern mansion. I had one cousin who was really rude about it. She sent back her invitation with an annotation that she would be bringing her 18 month old son. Not "may I", but "I will -- deal with it, Bridezilla!") I had to call her and tell her that the venue, time, and occasion were not set up for a toddler. I should add that this cousin is a lifelong narcissist with a long history of taking over family events and reworking them to her liking. Whenever I see stories of a mom cutting the wedding cake herself to give some to her kids because the wedding couple were taking too long, I think of my cousin, and thank God she stayed home for my own wedding. My uncle (who had already RSVP'd) then called to berate me to allow his toddler grandson to attend. Nice way to treat a bride. I still said no. I heard nothing further from them. On my wedding day, they did not show. Four $100 meals uneaten. They could at least have had the class to cancel their RSVPs. Honestly, I'm very, very tired of hearing that every event, everywhere needs to be designed to include children. I have two of my own. I love them dearly. Despite my love for them, I realize there are places in which a 6 year old and an 8 year old do not belong. I am not offended that my dress-up fine dining establishment does not provide kiddie menus and crayons. I am not offended that a local theater stages productions meant for adults past my child's bedtime. And I am not offended if a bride and groom do not plan their wedding so that my small children are fed to their liking and entertained appropriately. If I wanted a loud party with kids, I'd have gotten married at Chuck E. Cheese! When I got married, my husband and I planned our vows, the music, the ceremony, and generally thought mostly of ourselves. I think brides and grooms are supposed to be able to do that. I've had many years since then to put my sanity and hearing at the mercy of rooms full of kids at playdates, birthdays, church, school parties, etc. I do not regret keeping our wedding day special. Please do not imply that couples getting married are being inconsiderate or self-centered if they do not put your childcare needs at the forefront of their planning. If there is a day in life when a young couple should rightly be self-centered about their planning, surely a wedding day should be it. I just got off the phone with a dear friend who suggested taking me out (just me) next week for my birthday without the kids. Not that she doesn't love my kids. She's their godmother. She will be at their recital and soccer banquet the very next week. She just felt that I needed some grown-up girl time for my birthday. So do I. Even though I still love my kids. We can love our children without taking them absolutely everywhere with us. That is all. GA Cub Mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeorgiaGirl160 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 ...nursing babies are in a different class. They truly do need to be with mom (and she with baby), and rarely cause an issue. A quiet nursing baby would have been fine. I would still like to be asked. An active todder? No way. Ga Cub Mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeorgiaGirl160 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 ...nursing babies are in a different class. They truly do need to be with mom (and she with baby), and rarely cause an issue. A quiet nursing baby would have been fine. I would still like to be asked. An active todder? No way. Ga Cub Mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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