We are brand new homeschoolers of a neurotypical 3rd grader and HFA 5th grader. We pulled our kids out of PS six weeks ago. Our 11 yo HFA son was not getting the advanced math and science instruction he needed (with achievement test scores 87-95). The school could only see his 46 in writing (due to a documented medical problem) and kept him at the 46/remedial level in all subjects. We've been frustrated for a couple of years. The last straw was when his special Ed teacher quit abruptly March 4th, and our son (not the school) let us know his special Ed classes were being taught by a string of unlicensed subs. In our state, subs are usually moms looking to pick up extra $$ and have no training. The subs teaching my son didn't even have teaching certificates, much less any experience with autism. Our daughter was being bullied, so she came with. Both kids are happy and doing well homeschooling. Question: my husband wants to know how we can know the "standards" our kids need to meet for each grade level. With the sudden transition, I've been teaching with Khan academy, our local Timothy classes, and videos like Crash Course, NOVA, etc. My husband wants me to provide more structure and do more to make sure I'm hitting any standards needed. I will be going to our local Atlanta homeschooling convention in July to preview and choose curricula for next year, but in the meantime, can anyone point me toward the standards my husband wants me to use so that we don't shortchange our kids? Thanks, GeorgiaMom

My mom fought, and won, my opportunity to skip the first grade back in the 70's. I was academically gifted. She thought it was silly for me to go to school to learn my ABC's when I'd already taught myself to read encyclopedias at home. I can see her point. As an adult with children of my own, one gifted neurotypical and one gifted/autistic, I would never put my children ahead of their peer group in school. We redshirted our autistic son in preschool as he was not ready to advance as far as his social skills and classroom attention were concerned. Now that he is 11 and sometimes bullied in public school due to his speech issues and general niceness/passivity, I'm glad that he's physically bigger than most of his peers. He's been hit several times at school. We are considering homeschooling next year for him and our 9 yo daughter as we are tired of the public school nonsense on several fronts. I had an April birthday, which would have made me one of the youngest in my intended class, plus I skipped a grade. That put me 1 1/2 to 2 years younger than my private school peers. I was bullied and beaten. I had few friends. I was always out of sync with the rest of them. I got my driver's license much later. I dated much later, etc. I also had quite a bit of sexual harassment from the boys. It's not fun being pinched and groped as a 12 and 13 year old by the 14 and 15 year old much bigger boys in your class. My daughter is highly gifted, but I would never skip a grade in order to facilitate more academic challenge. We are looking at homeschooling instead. Just a thought from someone who lived the path you're considering for your daughter. GeorgiaMom

Hitting and biting? Her toddler is hitting and biting yours? That's a total nonstarter for me. I work from home, and also get the occasional whine from a friend who chose to keep her job and "hates" keeping her child in after care at school until she gets home from work. I can't ever say this to her, but I "hated" giving up my paycheck to be home with my kids, and yet that was the choice I chose to make as an adult. It necessitated a lot of compromises for us: smaller house, not going out much, etc. I wish moms with full time jobs didn't look to their SAHM, WAHM, and homeschooling neighbors to pick up the slack when their freely made choices become inconvienent. I also have a wonderful network of friends with children the same age. We help each other. I proactively volunteer to help with their kids. I build our relationship outside swapping babysitting. When I do have an emergency or a doctor's appt, as we all do, I don't mind calling these friends to ask for help. I think helping within a community is wonderful, as long as it's a good thing for everyone and there's no guilt involved. GA Mom

It sounds like you already know the answer. :-) I grew up with a boundary pushing parent (to the extreme), so I have experience in this area. I have also found myself preconditioned to get involved with other boundary pushers. I have to really be careful about this. After several painful volunteering experiences, this has become my mantra: you can't make good relationships with bad people. Boundary busters never, ever, ever change. Once you identify them, run fast in the opposite direction. You say the cause is important to you, but the person asking is miserable to be involved with. So, find another way to be involved with the cause that doesn't involve her. Whatever you want to do (minstry, educations, charity, teaching, whatever), I seriously doubt this one woman is the only gatekeeper to your involvement. Good luck, GA Cub Mom

My childhood was a lot like what you describe. It's not necessarily the hours worked, it's the attitude toward the child. My parents treated me more like a live in maid than like a daughter. If you can help her become emancipated, please consider doing so. I also stayed and submitted, even when my parents pulled me out of college (where I had a full ride academic scholarship) to come work in their business for free because they "needed" me. I also had a lot of damage done in my life due to my parents' irresponsible choices. Just a warning: my parents' sense of entitlement extended to my credit record and my identity. They ran up over $100,000 in debt in my name when I was a teenager. I was stuck paying it off, which took years, because I wasn't willing to call the cops on my parents when I was only 19. In hindsight, I wish I had. Please encourage your niece to pull a copy of her credit report. If her parents are using her financially, call the police. Good luck, thanks for being a sweet aunt. I wish I'd had someone like you in my life back then. GeorgiaGirl160

Good point. I never just drop my kids off at a home without staying for at least the first playdate to be sure it's a good place for them to be. By the same token, I assume other parents are as careful as I am, and I always invite the parent of my child's new friend to come over for coffee while the kids play. GeorgiaMom

It sounds terrible, because it is terrible. The only possible reason I could think of for discomfort would be if you would be socializing with a man alone in your house, but that's not the issue. The other grandma will be present. If you came here looking for a JAWM for something your conscience seems to be telling you isn't right, you won't find it from me. Let's look at this from the reverse gender angle. My husband belongs to a robot hobby group, at which I've always been welcomed despite being in the minority as a woman. What if a man in his group said to my husband: "please don't bring your wife and daughter. It changes the whole dynamic of our robot group.". Ick. What an ugly message to send to me, and also what an ugly example for our daughter (who has a budding interest of her own in robotics). What message does it send to your children if they are taught by example that only women should be involved with playdates? Are men also unwelcome in church nursery, etc? I know a very sweet young man who has just gotten his first job as an elementary school teacher. He mowed my lawn for years while in college, and we had a lot of time to talk. He is just a very nice young man who loves teaching. He said something to me once about being nervous teaching in elementary school because of suspicion about men who work with young kids. I know he's right, and it's just sad. It's totally undeserved. I am always grateful when my son has male teachers and leaders in youth groups because I think it's nice for him to have that example. He is a very loving person himself (he's 9). I can totally see him going into a helping profession, like being a pediatrician or a teacher. We have several men involved in our little social groups for various reasons. One works at home and brings his daughter to ballet when his wife is occasionally out of town. Barry is a totally nice father and husband, and I would cringe if anyone was rude to him. Ted brought his daughter to ballet for months while his wife was home with a new baby. Thank God there are nice family men who are involved with their kids. Why would anyone want to discourage that? GeorgiaGirl160

You can also get a cheap headband mounted magnifying glass on Amazon that made this much easier. We had some from my husband's robotics hobby. Second the metal comb. Worked great. Plastic combs didn't help us.

The lice meds did not work for us, and made me very sick. Daughter and I got it, son and husband escaped. I think every kid in daughter's class has had lice this year. What did work like a charm: She and I slathered, and I mean slathered our hair with Vaseline to smother the cooties and put it under a cheap plastic cap for a couple of hours. Snuggled up and watched a chick movie. Then, I started combing them out. All dead so they stayed still. Time consuming but easy to remove. Never came back. One treatment and done for both of us. The hard part was getting the goop out of our hair. Washing with Dawn dish soap did it, but took a lot of washing. We looked like 50's greasers for a week at least. :-) Good luck! GeorgiaGirl160

Hi, Just an opinion from a mom who was skipped ahead in school. I was gifted, and skipped 1st grade. I graduated a few weeks after I turned 16. My birthday is April 30th, so I was already the youngest in the class before I was skipped. Skipping ahead helped academically, but it was very hard socially. I was in high school classes with boys at least two years older than me, sometimes more in the advanced subjects. Several sexually harassed me. It was very hard as a 14 year old dealing with 17-18 year old boys being sexually aggressive. I was finally sexually assaulted and hospitalized as a senior by another student. I was always out of sync with the other kids. Too young to drive, etc. I got my drivers license a month before my diploma. I really didn't have friends/peers. Most people ignored me, and the rest treated me like meat, a sexual target, or a punching bag. I was bullied constantly, especially in elementary school. I was also very young when I went away to college, which felt awkward and vulnerable. As I told a friend recently, if given the option with my own children, I would not do it. I have a 7 year old daughter now who is gifted and probably could skip a grade. I find other ways to challenge her through science programs, etc. while keeping her with her age group. Having been there, I really think that's best. Just $0.02 from someone who lived it, GeorgiaMom160

Sing out sister! I'm in 11 D sneakers for life because they're the only shoes my custom orthotics (prescribed by my ankle surgeon) will fit in. I've had two major ankle surgeries which left me in a wheelchair and on crutches for a total of six months (3 on each side). With two small children. Not fun. My day ranges from "hurting a little" to "hurting a lot". I do *everything* my surgeon recommends in order to keep the best use of the joints I have left. At this point in my life, "shoe shaming" immediately puts a person on my "life is too short for you" list. I'm tired of the "friend" who makes snarky comments about my shoes, the Scout leader who can't understand why I "set a bad example for my son" by declining to join the pack on a 3 mile hike, and the acquaintance who keeps suggesting I "walk more" to lose weight. I have explained to my children the rules on making personal comments about anyone: "Are they sinning against you? Then, go show them their fault" (Jesus). 1. Are they sinning? = It it serious? Are they lying about you or stealing from you? Or, did they just pick out some shoes today you don't care for? 2. Against you? = Is it your business? Does it affect your day? If the answer to either question is "no", then you have no business showing them their fault. If everyone would follow Jesus' simple rule about when to speak up and when to shut up, the world would be a much kinder and less violent place. Just sayin' GeorgiaMom160

I have not read all 19 pages of this discussion, but I did read the OP. All I can say is that I have no time, patience, or money for anyone who says "________ is important to me, and therefore I have decided it should be important to you, too". Doesn't really matter if they're talking about clothes, books, sports, whatever. The way I choose to spend my own time and money is no one else's business. I used to have a "friend" who constantly took me to task for wearing sneakers all the time, nice ones. She drove me nuts to go get some "decent" shoes. I have had multiple ankle surgeries, and I wear custom arch supports in my shoes. All I care about is having my feet not hurt. I suppose I fall into the frumpy category. I wear clothes that are reasonably nice, but not too expensive. I am frequently caring for my own small children, or other people's children, and I've always found it silly that some people think there's a dress code to work in church nursery. I wish people who fret about what others do would just get a life. GeorgiaGirl160

You're right, I wasn't thinking about the welfare of the cats. I have two pound puppies myself. Cats shouldn't suffer or worse because the owner is crazy. I like your motion sensor sprinkler idea much better! I grew up with a crazy parent who had a crazy parent of his own. I've seen multi-generational crazy over a long time horizon. Being nice never worked with the crazies in my family, it just emboldened them. I honestly think the people who are kindly suggesting that you be "nice" to this lady (like you have free time to appease her) are recommending an idea that will backfire. My belief based on experience is before you confront crazy, dig two graves. They'll take you with them. I think letting the professionals do their jobs is a great idea, and other than that, I would ignore a CN just like I ignore a screaming two year old. Not much difference, except that CN should know better. GeorgiaGirl160

Do you live two doors down from me? We have the same crazy neighbor, right down to being upset that I use a different trash service than her! My CN gave my lawn mowing guy instructions to cut down all the ivy on my lawn because it was "coming over" to her house, at my expense of course. She is also demanding that we cut down four enormous trees in our back yard because she is "worried" they will fall on her house. We had the arborist come out for other reasons, and he looked at the trees in question. Not falling down anytime soon, and $3100 to remove. No thanks. I feel your pain. We bought a fixer upper 4 years ago next to a little old widow with an immaculate lawn and garden that she loves to work in. More power to her. Glad she loves to garden. I don't. I have two little ones, and we're pretty overwhelmed. My husband works 80 hours a week and our fixer upper needed much more help on the inside than the home inspector told us before it was too late to back out. We have half killed ourselves working and spending over $20k to get little things like the plumbing working correctly, the roof replaced, etc. And she's mad I don't put my effort and money into landscaping. So, for what it's worth, you're not alone. My neighbor has written nasty anonymous letters and reported us to the county. The county thinks she's nuts. She calls the police to complain anytime some one looks at her the wrong way. Honestly, as much as I am tempted, I would be afraid to go to my own neighbor's house to talk to her. She'd call the police on me, no matter how gently I actually spoke to her. Since you asked, I think it's a big mistake to talk to loony people without reliable witnesses. From the sound of your neighbor, I would suspect mental illness. You might want to call county elder services to do a "welfare check" on her about her behavior: wandering onto your property, etc. You might be able to get animal control to do something about the cats. In our area, it's illegal to have so many pets in one house, and it's illegal to let them wander loose. I'm grateful we are moving soon. I completely ignore my CN. I don't even speak to her anymore. She has finally left us alone. I suspect she wants engagement, even negative engagement, much like a toddler. I ignore her "tantrums" just like I ignored them from my own kids a few years ago, and they have finally stopped. It's still uncomfortable living next to her, though. I'm glad we're moving. Wish I had more useful suggestions. Hope it gets better. We are considering giving our neighbor a 'free' listing on a dating site. Maybe if she gets a boyfriend, she'll be too busy to worry about us. GeorgiaGirl160

Hi, It's nice to see new replies to my original post. Thank you, but the problem was resolved last year. GeorgiaGirl160

I am 46, and have dealt with this for many years. I also had an injury as a teenager, and often felt that I had not completely empty my bladder. I also had pain occasionally. Then my thirties, I had a car accident while pregnant. I completely lost the ability to urinate, and had to self catheterize for over six weeks. Very painful, bloody, and scary at the best of times, but much worse while pregnant. Thankfully, my daughter was fine. My back got better with chiropractic care, and my ability to urinate returned, but it was sometimes better, sometimes worse, and clearly aggravated by lower back strains. Then two years ago, I went into acute urinary retention and had to be rushed to the ER. While inserting a Foley catheter through my urethra to drain my bladder, the nurse accidentally tore my urethra completely open. I nearly bled to death. I had to have a catheter and bag for weeks while the urethra healed. When it did, I was better for awhile, but scar tissue gradually built up, and I was back to the dribbling, pain, frequent urination, and feeling of not emptying, I had a cystoscopy this morning. I have a urethral stricture at the site of the injury that has almost closed my urethra. I'm sitting here with a Foley catheter and bag again looking at possible reconstruction surgery. In 20\20 hindsight, it appears that the original teenage injury scarred and narrowed my urethra, then the car accident and nerve damage in my back made it worse, and the injury at the hospital totally blocked it with scar tiddue Getting better and worse is not a good sign. I made a huge mistake just living with it. I should have gotten treatment as a teenager after the original injury. I thank God my baby wasn't harmed by all the bleeding and infection during my pregnancy. I have arrived incrementally over 30 years in a very bad place. Op, please take your daughter to a urologist now. Get a cystoscopy to see what is happening. Quit the gymnastics and horseback riding. No sport is worth the pain this condition can cause. Good luck, and God bless you, GA Girl

We are conservative Christians. We teach our children that reasonable modesty shows respect to themselves and others. I have refused to buy my kindergarten aged daughter certain dolls at Walmart because they were dressed like hookers. We don't advocate the level of covering up practiced by some Orthodox groups, but personally, I think only my husband needs to see my boobs, and it's kind of nice that we have some special areas of our bodies and our lives that are just for each other. Breastfeeding is totally different. I have breastfed in public, and happily support the right of all mothers to breastfeed anywhere anytime. There's nothing provocative about that. Personally, I think it's really rude for anyone to flash unwilling strangers in a provocative manner. Anyone walking practically naked down the public road as if to say "wow, look at me", has mental issues. It's on a level with carring a screaming boombox on your shoulder at 100 db or wearing a Nazi flag/Confederate flag/shirt that says "F U". Legal? Sure. Polite? No. Part of civil society? I hope not. How would I handle it if someone felt the need to flash her boobs at my nine year old son in public and it was legal for her to do so? Hmm....here in Georgia, you'd get thrown in jail for that. I would probably handle it like we handle everything else we would not do ourselves when we see others doing them in public: smoking, getting drunk, etc. I've always told my kids they can ask me anything, and they do, but that they should do so in private so as not to confront or embarrass the person who sparked the question. Our standard has always been what Jesus said: "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault". So, I always ask the kids: "I he/she *sinning* against *you*", which is another way of saying is it serious and is it your business? We don't take people to task for doing things we find annoying, or things that don't affect us. Lots of different opinions and preferences in the world, and we're not in charge of telling everyone else what to do. If it's truly serious, and it is affecting you, then follow Jesus' instructions and ask the person to stop one on one privately. Be kind, and don't embarrass them. The goal is to live at peace with everyone. I don't think the world should reform itself to a 24/7 "G" rating for the sake of my kids, but I also don't appreciate it when people cuss a blue streak in front of my five year old in the check out line. It wasn't fun trying to explain to my little boy what "F***" means. I wish everyone could just show some reasonable consideration on both sides. Georgia Mom

My father acts like the man you described. It's called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I am sorry for the little girl because I was her for a very long time. You are right to be worried. People who act like that can snap and become violent. I know from experience. You have every right to ask that this family not attend your class. It will not surprise me if the man is equally insane with the aquatic director, and the AD asks him to stay out of the facility entirely. Kudos to your AD for handling this directly. Listen to your gut, and avoid these people like the plague. You might want to consider making a confidential call to DFACS over the yelling at the child. The verbal abuse is likely much worse at home. I wish someone had stepped up to defend me. Thanks, GA Cub Mom

Hi, I tried the car battery idea at my son's Scout campout, and it didn't work for me. It did get my CPAP working, but not the heater/humidifier. On a cold night, there was no way to sleep with such cold air under pressure. If you call the Scout camp directly and ask, I've found that most can arrange electricity for medical use, even though the camp doesn't have electricity for most of the camp sites. It's a common medical issue. You will have the best luck if you call asap, and ask the your son's pack be put in an area where there is electricity for Dad. Don't depend on the pack to arrange this. I found I had to do it myself, or it didn't happen. Good luck, GA Cub Mom

Hi, Our 9 year old son has recently been diagnosed with Auditory Processing Disorder and High Functioning Autism/Asperger's. He has long had problems in loud environments and classrooms, although he does great in one on one play. He has difficulties socializing in school and functioning in a typical classroom, but he is very happy, sweet and obedient in safe environments with one or two friends. A homeschooling friend and former teacher has suggested that my son might enjoy being in her son's Pokemon league. I knew very little about Pokemon until yesterday, when her son and daughter taught my son and daughter to play the card game. It looks fine to me. I'm cautious of involving my son in the league until I find out a little more about it. He can be obsessive about games and activities (Skylanders, Star Wars), so in case he runs with it, I'd like to be sure it's good for him. He loves strategy games like Small World and Bang! with our family at home. He takes chess after school, and does very well. It's the school environment in which he functions best, in terms of engaging with other kids and focusing on the teacher. I'm told Pokemon is chess on steroids, fun and very good for strategic thinking. Have other parents of Aspies involved their kids in this game? Was it good for them, or do you wish you hadn't gotten involved? Thanks, GA Cub Mom

Dear OP, First, hugs. I've been there. I am 45 with a diagnosed NPD father and enabling mother, and I mean enabling to the point of psychosis. Ex. Last year, Dad was in the hospital, and had one of his rages. Mom is angry with the hospital because she's sure they gave him some "bad medication" that made him act that way. I've been hearing similar excuses since I was little. I'm an only child. She's even blamed the time he tried to kill himself and us by crashing the car we were all riding in on an "accidental overdose". I moved five years ago and left no forwarding info. My mother has my cell number, and I meet her for lunch occasionally, but it never goes well. I am also a Christian, and I agonized over the "honor your parents" commandment for years. I've spent a lot of time talking with my pastor and my small groups. Here's where I've arrived: I'm following my pastor's instructions: pray for your parents from a distance. Some people in the Christian community will pressure abused wives, husbands, and children to reconcile out of "respect", but I do not believe this is Biblical where abuse continues. We are called to try, hard, but when abusers are unrepentant, I believe it's perfectly appropriate to walk away. I found "The Five Languages of Apology" by Gary Smalley and "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend (actually every book they've ever written) tremendously helpful. I have two kids now, ages 7 and 9. They've never known my parents. We finally went no contact when my oldest was a baby. I dreaded for years what they would think of our decision to keep them away from my parents for their own safety. They physically endangered my baby once, and that was enough for me. When my children were old enough to ask me where *my* parents were and why they'd never met them, I told them the truth in an age-appropriate way. They understood, and have supported our decision. I have no doubt in my mind that contact with my parents would have been emotionally and financially harmful, and possibly physically dangerous. No good would have come of it. As a Christian, I felt a lot of inapproprate guilt for a long time about cutting them out of my life. That has finally changed, mostly. :-) I think we all want to love our parents, and it does hurt when they don't love us. I'd be lying if I said their behavior hasn't affected me, but I am very happy I got out. Putting my kids and my husband first was absolutely the right thing to do. Hugs and prayers. Good luck to you. Please do read those books, and consider seeing a Christian counselor *without* your parents. GA Cub Mom

Hi, My friend and I are considering starting an American heritage girls troop at our home church. As detailed in an earlier post, we are not happy with the troop where our 7 and 8 year old daughters are involved. We think the national group is great, but this particular local group is not working for us. So, we'd like to ask current ahg leaders, please: Does national ahg pressure new troops to grow? We're not looking to start a whole huge troop. We'd like to start a small troop of tenderhearts with our daughters and 4-6 of.their awana friends and grow the troop as time, energy, and involvement of other parents allow. What have current ahg leaders experienced? Thanks, Ga mom

Ouch! :grouphug: back at you! After one year as Cub Scout treasurer, I resolved never to handle money for a group again. I sympathize. It's not your fault the IRS changed the rules. I wish the BSA had better support for treasurers. It's the only committee position for which my council doesn't provide training, and it's probably one of the most complicated jobs for a lay person to do. I think your assessment is correct. I think my daughter and I and our friend's daughter will have two good years, and then who knows? My daughter might not even be interested anymore in Scouts by then. Or, maybe my life will be less busy and I could consider starting a troop with my friend whose daughter I bring to my daughter's troop now. Thanks for all you do as committee chair. It's a tough job, and it's good of you to do this for the kids. GA Mom

Hi Cathie, Scout troops normally don't file their own taxes because their chartering organization would normally include the Scout income and expenses in the CO's 990 tax filing. Scout troops are a part of the CO, not an independent legal entity. My situation was unusual. When tax time rolled around, our CO had no treasurer at all after she suddenly moved out of state and a replacement could not be found for over two months. So, I naturally asked to whom I should give our Scout financials until the treasurer was replaced. I came to find out from the CO (PTA) that the CO had never filed any taxes at all for the Scout pack for the entire seven years the pack was in existence. I knew from past experience that this was not ok with the IRS, and after getting no help at all from the pack leaders or the BSA Council, I went to my CPA to find out what I should do legally. Most CO's file taxes correctly, so this is probably not an issue for you. If you have any doubt or questions, I would suggest asking a CPA. Good luck, GA Mom

The AWANA group I used to teach with decided that two deep leadership was "not necessary in church". Every previous church group, Scouting group, etc. I've ever volunteered for insisted on two deep leadership period. When the new AWANA leader dropped a basic safety requirement, and stuck me with 16 kids alone over my objections, yes, I complained. And promptly got "fired". Last year, I was the Cub Scout treasurer. I found out the hard way that the pack hadn't filed or paid taxes for seven years. I tried to file the taxes during the current year, and was told "no". I was also told that if the IRS ever pursued the pack or me personally for failure to file and pay, the BSA Council would address it on my behalf. I talked to my CPA. He told me to "get out of Dodge". I did, after sending certified copies of the finances to everyone involved and asking them to file the taxes on time, on my CPA's instructions as well. That got me a chewing out from the BSA Council. All these two incidents prove is that sometimes nutty people run volunteer groups, and I've had the misfortune to run into two bad situations previously. I am beginning to wonder if in today's society, the volunteer run model is unsustainable, much like Social Security, because there are too few people "paying in" too many people "taking out". GA Mom