Boarding School: What is the rationale?

[Sahamamama]

I hesitate to post this, but I need to learn, so here it is.

 

The other day, we were discussing children in Victorian times and how most poor children had to work. My daughter has been reading a book about chimney sweeps in England. Some of these boys were only four years old! We talked about factory work, street vendors, children in the coal mines, and so on.

 

Anyway, somehow the conversation turned to what the rich children did, and then to boarding schools, and... well, I couldn't explain this to them. They asked, "But why did parents want to send their children away?" The distances and difficulties of travel? The desire to pass on a particular school culture? I had a few ideas, nothing really satisfactory, especially when they asked if there are boarding schools now. Do eight year olds go away to school now?

 

Help me understand the mindset of doing this, so we can see the "other side." We have no frame of reference for boarding school at present, but it does come up in books quite a bit. What was (and what is now) the culture underlying this choice? How did the culture prepare young students to leave home at (what we consider) early ages? If you have attended boarding school and/or have a student enrolled in one, what are the pros and cons? What advantages does a student gain? Is there a price for giving up so much home life?

 

Sorry, this is not meant to offend anyone at all. I think that, because of the way we approach learning together at home, we are so opposite to boarding school that it's like a thought from another world. Help me explain that world.

[Mama Geek]

I don't know about the rational, but I do know of someone that spend their high school years in a boarding school several states away. Her dad was a successful doctor and he wanted her to follow in his footsteps and to be able to what ever college he wanted her to get into. It was someone that I knew when I was in school and I know that she didn't want to leave home. I don't know how she has turned out or what she is doing now.

[hmvaughan4]

There is a boarding school on the campus of the university where my brother works/lives. It is for grades 6-12. My nieces/nephews will attend once they are old enough, but they will not be residents. For them, it is much better than the local school, plus much closer than going down the mountain to the public school.

[scubamama]

My FIL went to boarding school in New England back in the 50's He loved it. He went b/c his father was nuveau rich in a solidly blue collar town and everyone picked on him. Poor guy. He's really a gentle mild mannered sort so I can see how he would have been picked on. He's a complete gentleman. Boarding school allowed him to be in an environment where everyone was coming from similar economic circumstances. He is well educated and very well read. He went on to the same "almost an Ivy school" his dad and my Dh later went to. Later my dh worked at the "almost Ivy" It's a big family pride thing.

He has fond memories of Boarding school.

[Mom0012]

I know a couple people with large families that homeschool through middle school and then send their kids off to boarding school. It always struck me as strange, but I've never asked why they choose this path.

[Ohdanigirl]

I had a friend in College who attended Mrs. Porter's school. I remember she mentioned that she started getting attitude issues in middle school. I think it also had a little to do with her parent's going through a divorce. In the end, she got a top notch education. I can't say she loved school, but she did feel she benefitted from it.

[mumto2]

We know a family who has sent all of their dc's to boarding school --secondary on. I have not asked because I don't know them that well but my observation is partly to develop future connections and partly parents lifestyle. The husband travels worldwide for work and the mother frequently goes. I will say the kids are lovely, truly. The youngest recently started latin and the last time we saw her she was busy getting dd to help her. Friendly nice kids. We cannot imagine it either but it is working for them.

[SarahW]

I think the system grew up because "Master Teachers" were rare. It was easier to send the kid to live with the top-notch tutor(s) than to find top-notch tutor(s) in your own village. The population was smaller back then, so less choices and greater necessity to gather from a wide geographical area to have enough students.

 

They were, in effect, the equivalent of what college is today. Considering that in the Middle Ages it was not unheard of for boys to be sent to U of P (University of Paris) at 14, sending a younger kid only a few dozen miles away was understandable. Especially when one considers that in the medieval system one became an adult at 13.

 

After a while it became an institution, and tradition kept it rolling past the time when it was strictly necessary for all students.

[Farrar]

I worked at a very small middle school for many years. On a few occasions, we recommended to parents that they consider boarding school for high school. I think sometimes when the dynamics in the family are such that they're holding a child back from dealing with issues, then boarding school can be a really positive thing. I've known several teachers at boarding schools and I can see from how they've talked about it that the community, the support, etc. can be really good for certain kids.

 

I know that on this board, the perception that peer culture/orientation has taken over family culture/orientation for youth and that this is a newish development is the dominant perspective. I don't necessarily disagree with that, but I do think there's another paradigm that can also be supported by looking at the history of adolescence - it's often been a time that parents have historically sent their children away to foster, to apprentice, to school far away, etc. And I think there can be a reason for that. If parents can get some distance from that turbulent time when kids are first needing independence from them, and yet find an environment that can still help their children be safe and supported and grow up, then that seems like it would be a good option for many families.

 

This is not to say that I necessarily think boarding school is great. My kids are younger, but I don't have any plans to send them down the road (or the cash to afford it!). But I can see the appeal for certain kids.

[Kathryn]

I think the system grew up because "Master Teachers" were rare. It was easier to send the kid to live with the top-notch tutor(s) than to find top-notch tutor(s) in your own village. The population was smaller back then, so less choices and greater necessity to gather from a wide geographical area to have enough students.

 

They were, in effect, the equivalent of what college is today. Considering that in the Middle Ages it was not unheard of for boys to be sent to U of P (University of Paris) at 14, sending a younger kid only a few dozen miles away was understandable. Especially when one considers that in the medieval system one became an adult at 13.

 

After a while it became an institution, and tradition kept it rolling past the time when it was strictly necessary for all students.

 

I agree with this. My uncle teaches at an exclusive New England prep school that is mostly boarders. While they do have some local students and some on scholarships, most are extremely rich (tuition and fees are much more than the average American income). His students come from all over the world and among his past students is a current king. Their parents send them for a top-notch education and as a status symbol.

 

On the other hand, the people I know personally who were sent to boarding schools were all sent because they were in trouble with drugs/alcohol, hanging out with the wrong crowd, etc. All that kind of boarding school seemed to have done was put them in touch with even more "worldly," equally as troubled kids, but with less supervision.

[albeto]

I hesitate to post this, but I need to learn, so here it is.

 

The other day, we were discussing children in Victorian times and how most poor children had to work. My daughter has been reading a book about chimney sweeps in England. Some of these boys were only four years old! We talked about factory work, street vendors, children in the coal mines, and so on.

 

Anyway, somehow the conversation turned to what the rich children did, and then to boarding schools, and... well, I couldn't explain this to them. They asked, "But why did parents want to send their children away?" The distances and difficulties of travel? The desire to pass on a particular school culture? I had a few ideas, nothing really satisfactory, especially when they asked if there are boarding schools now. Do eight year olds go away to school now?

 

Help me understand the mindset of doing this, so we can see the "other side." We have no frame of reference for boarding school at present, but it does come up in books quite a bit. What was (and what is now) the culture underlying this choice? How did the culture prepare young students to leave home at (what we consider) early ages? If you have attended boarding school and/or have a student enrolled in one, what are the pros and cons? What advantages does a student gain? Is there a price for giving up so much home life?

 

Sorry, this is not meant to offend anyone at all. I think that, because of the way we approach learning together at home, we are so opposite to boarding school that it's like a thought from another world. Help me explain that world.

 

 

 

I graduated from an all-girls' boarding school, as did one sister. Two sisters graduated from co-ed boarding schools. We left home at the age of 14, a tradition established by my older sister for reasons that have nothing to do with anything other than parents who are a little OCD. The school I graduated was my mother's alma mater. Her mother went to a different boarding school. I never asked my grandmother why, but if I did, I'm sure she'd say, "Well, it was just done." ;)

 

 

The friendships made were solid, more intimate than friendships made with peers who go to separate homes every evening, in my opinion. We got to know people much more intimately, much more genuinely, I think. There's something about maturing on your own terms, learning how to be self-reliant at an age where people naturally desire that a bit more than living at home allows. By this I mean that I was in charge of my own choices. I could do my homework during study hours, or I could wait and do it all the night before it was due. No one nagged me one way or the other, and although the teachers, adult mentors on staff, and friends would all offer good advice and support when needed, if I didn't take it, there was no punishment other than the natural consequences of making a choice that results in creating greater problems. Making friends with teens going through the same process makes for some deep friendships, in my opinion. In many ways we were like foxhole buddies - stuck in these social-emotional trenches without our parents to comfort us or prevent hurts in the first place. But at the same time, the school was created to provide a secure, nurturing environment for teenagers going through these experiences (so, not like actually being in a foxhole trench at all). I cannot recall a single bully in my school, or even a person who was snotty or rude to another. There would simply be no reason to burn a bridge like that because we were all in this experience together, we were a community, a family.

 

Academically, I think I got a fantastic education. My grades weren't so great, my SAT scores were poor, but I wasn't going to have high marks anyway. Certainly my education was more sophisticated than the one I would have had through my local public school. In my boarding school, I learned the importance of paying attention to detail (academically as well as personally), critical thinking, working with others in such a way as to encourage mutual support and conflict resolution, even in competitive situations. My last semester of college I moved to be near my boyfriend (now husband), and in that local state university, I think the classes were no more challenging than my high school classes, and this was taking advanced courses for seniors.

 

I think boarding schools tend to be populated with kids from nurturing, secure homes. They have the social skills needed to get along with others and get along without their parents nearby. They are more academically seriously minded and so are motivated to do well in class. So in that respect, my experience was really being in an environment with some fantastically well-rounded, mature peers. They had things to offer me I never would have had had I stayed at home.

 

Transitioning to college was very easy for my sisters and me. I didn't get caught up in binge drinking because I was already used to being away from home. Well, I take that back, I did... enjoy myself very much my first couple years in college, but I also knew how to budget my time without a parent reminding me that I had to wake up for class, or that a paper was due in two days, or whatever other things kids just coming from home were learning to navigate for the first time.

 

I really don't know the history of boarding schools, other than in the middle ages they were essentially the only institutions offering formal academics and they were run by the monasteries. Up until the 20th century, I don't think boarding schools were particularly easy places to live, and I think there was a bit of Spartan like culture, partially on purpose (a child who doesn't know how to protect himself or how to align with powerful allies won't grow into a man who can protect himself or align with powerful allies), and also partially as an effect of the culture that didn't define and value childhood in the same way we do today.

 

I have one child who has recently developed her own wings of autonomy and independence and if we had the money, I would consider her applying to boarding schools. I have two kids who seem to have no interest in doing anything like that, but the one who would, would go as far as she could just for the adventure.

 

By the way, my school was about 800 miles from my home. I came home for Christmas, Easter, and summer breaks.

[Dmmetler]

It meets the needs of the child/family. There are a lot of possible reasons:

 

Supervision-the parents need to/want to travel extensively for work, or even work irregular hours, and need the child to be supervised more consistently than the parent can provide. This often applies to single parents especially, and it's harder to find babysitting/after school care/extended day options for teens than younger DC.

 

Educational-the child needs/desires a program that's not available locally. This might include a higher level of education, an arts intensive school, or even that the parents are in a region that simply doesn't have a good high school available (I had several friends who were in a boarding program at a local Christian school because their parents were Missionaries and the parents didn't want to homeschool high school, plus a few who were from the villages, were academically oriented and wished a good education, so the missionaries in their area arranged for them to come to the US to attend school).

 

Emotional/Psychological-the teen is struggling at home or with a poor peer group, and needs a change of pace.

 

Tradition-the family has simply done it this way in prior generations, so why not continue?

 

I would have LOVED to go to an arts-focused boarding school like Interlochen Arts Academy had I been given the option. And I think my DD would have her bag packed in the next 10 minutes if an owl arrived from Hogwarts ;).

[Nan in Mass]

Well, grin, judging from Kipling and Rumor Godden, India was not considered a good place to raise English children if you wanted them to remain English, so the children were sent back home to boarding school.

 

Boarding schools, at least for high school, are fairly common where I live and I have friends who went. It is mostly a cultural thing - if you went to boarding school, you send your children to boarding school. It is just what happens. The lovingest, closest familes do it as well as the ones with remote parents involved in their own lives. It costs the earth. Parents sacrifice greatly to do it. Grandparents are often the ones who pay the fees. Over the years, when I asked, I've been told by various families that the education is better. As far as I can tell from comparing notes, it is often a great deal better than even our decent public schools. I've been told that they don't want their children going to public school because they will have more in common with their classmates at the private school. This also appears to be true. I've heard people say that they won't send their children to private school when they are very small so they "learn to get along" with the rest of the world, and then send them off in 7th or 9th grade to make friends, get a good education, and learn the social skills they will need for their world. In my area, when I was growing up, the local private elementary school was all "nouveau riche". Now, private school for elementary school is viewed with suspicion because it is considered "too precious". But after that, the stakes are much higher. I have been told that in high school, it reduces tension between parents and teens if the teens are in boarding school. I have been told that they have far more opportunities in boarding school for cultural things, music groups, theatre, etc. The opportunity to find mentors is supposed to be better. They make contacts and friends that last a lifetime. If they live in a remote area, where well-educated, sophisticated people are more sparse, they say that their children need to go be with well-eduated people. Avoiding the local accent has been mentioned.

 

As far as Victorian England goes, I would think that the village school would be ok for learning to read and then the well-educated people who didn't live in the city would need to send their children someplace else for a good education and to make friends within their own culture and learn social skills. Wouldn't the remnants of the feudal system leave the upper class pretty spread out? And I think I remember English friends saying that children needed to grow up with other children so they wouldn't be spoiled? I think I might also remember the same people saying that it was a horrible system, sending such young children away, but it seemed to work better than anything else so people kept doing it.

 

Don't know how much help that is...

 

Nan

[HelenNotOfTroy]

My mother went to boarding school for high school. She wanted to go to college and the local school did not offer the college prep courses she needed.

[sillymommy]

My neighbor's son goes to boarding school. His school is actually right here in our town, but he lives at the school. His mom said he showed signs of being gifted in elementary school, so they opted for boarding school for his high school education.

 

I also have an aquaintance who sent her son to a boarding school in NYC at age 7 or 8. The school's focus is boys' choir--they are similar to the Westminster Abbey boys' choir. She visits every weekend to attend performances, spend time with him,etc. She & her son also serve meals at a NYC homeless shelter. Her biggest concern is that he'll be in eighth grade next yr. They are hoping his voice doesn't begin to change before he finishes.

[AMJ]

My first two years of high school I was a day student (boarder on the floor when a snowstorm threatened) at a boarding school for girls. It was Catholic, on a hill with a convent. Fully a third of the students were from out of the country -- Japan, Kenya, Germany, the UK, all over Central America, Poland -- the list goes on and on. Many of the American students were from other states and other counties. The girls were sent because the School Sisters of Notre Dame ran excellent schools, and many couldn't get anywhere near a comparable education where they were. Others were sent because other family had gone, and loved the school that much. As did I -- I was devestated when the school closed.

 

Some of my boarding friends were homesick, no question there. Some couldn't afford the money, or didn't have enough time, to go home on school breaks shorter than Christmas break. When I found out I begged my folks for permission to bring someone home with me -- two friends from Japan each came to spend a break with my family. Other girls were taking friends home with them over longer breaks, too, so no one ended up at the dorms Ebineezering it over the holidays.

 

I remember those years with GREAT fondness, but I also saw how rough it was on some of the girls, and these were high schoolers, teens. There are reasons to choose boarding, and the decision isn't usually made lightly.

[briansmama]

What an interesting thread! My ds had lots of questions similar to yours when reading about how knights-in-training were usually sent to apprentice as Paige's at age 7 in the Middle Ages. 7! And that was for the wealthier families who could afford to send their child to study under an accomplished knight.

[Stellalarella]

Here's a residential science school, and I know a family that has sent a child here. http://asmsa.org

[albeto]

Some of my boarding friends were homesick, no question there. Some couldn't afford the money, or didn't have enough time, to go home on school breaks shorter than Christmas break. When I found out I begged my folks for permission to bring someone home with me -- two friends from Japan each came to spend a break with my family.

 

 

My two sisters went to a boarding school within about an hour and a half of my home. Every holiday we shared meals with students who were too far to go home for the breaks (many of them from Japan!).

[Stellalarella]

Here's a residential science school, and I know a family that has sent a child here. http://asmsa.org

[poiema]

My favorite book in elementary took place in a boarding school and because of that I always wished my parents would send me.

 

I've threatened to send my kids to boarding school when their behavior is atrocious and I don't want to deal with it anymore, but three of my sister's best friends went to boarding school in high school and from my understanding it was because the parents thought the school offered a better education and environment than any of of our public or private schools.

[ElizaG]

I think that, because of the way we approach learning together at home, we are so opposite to boarding school that it's like a thought from another world.

If the parents are choosing to homeschool primarily because they want to be directly in charge of their children's education, then I can see how the mindset would be opposite.

 

On the other hand, if their motivation for homeschooling is that they value strong academics, and the experience of school being integrated with daily life -- such that the children and their teachers are part of a close-knit community that studies, eats, works, plays, and prays together, and has shared values and traditions -- then it makes sense that they might consider boarding school as another option.

[PollyOR]

This has been a very interesting thread. To those of you who attended boarding schools, thank you for sharing your experience and perspective.

 

My mother lived in a small town and wanted to be a nurse. The local high school didn't offer the courses she needed so she attended a different public high school 30 miles from home. This was in the 1950's so she lived in a boarder situation and came home on weekends. I cannot imagine sending my girls away at 15, but my mother was quite independent.

[bolt.]

I think that in those old days, parenting and education had a bit of a hands-off feel. Children went through transitions from wet nurse (often off site, especially for city dwelling parents), to nanny, to tutor and/or governess. The transition from 'young enough to learn what they need from a tutor' to 'ready for a real education' would have necessitated a move (or the hiring of a very skilled teacher, who probably wouldn't have been marketing himself as a private tutor).

 

Travel on a daily basis wouldn't be practical -- and a 'village school' is not something I've heard of beyond teaching the basics to the poor / working class children until they became strong enough to transition to being child laborers. Even that wasn't always commonplace (being usually benevolently sponsored by nobility) and a 'Sunday' school was more in keeping with how children learned anything of literacy or arithmetic -- on their day of rest.

 

It seems to me that real post-basic schools would be few and far between geographically (outgrowths of monasteries, nunneries or their associated colleges etc.) which is why they would need accommodations for their students to live on site.

 

Now...

 

As I understand it (from Narnia and Harry Potter mostly) it is not the universal practice to do boarding school, and (when it is done) it isn't generally done until after primary school.

[mommymilkies]

The only boarding school I would send my kids to would be Hogwarts, and even then I'd have to move to Hogsmeade because I would miss them too much! The only people I know who sent kids to or went to boarding school did so because of trouble-drugs, behavior, etc. But I belong to poor Midwestern and southern Appalachian stock. :p

[albeto]

If the parents are choosing to homeschool primarily because they want to be directly in charge of their children's education, then I can see how the mindset would be opposite.

 

On the other hand, if their motivation for homeschooling is that they value strong academics, and the experience of school being integrated with daily life -- such that the children and their teachers are part of a close-knit community that studies, eats, works, plays, and prays together, and has shared values and traditions -- then it makes sense that they might consider boarding school as another option.

 

Nicely said. My parents did not take on the same kind of parenting role as I have. The common ideology my parents were inspired to adopt was one in which the "parent was a parent first, and a friend later" (as in, after the child is married and has children of their own). To sit on the sofa and read a book would be a nice treat, but certainly not a daily thing. My parents didn't read books to us as children or do any kind of bedtime routine in case we would get spoiled. They weren't always going to be around in the evening for that and getting us accustomed to a ritual that would be frequently broken was seen as worse than never giving the child a "need" for that ritual in the first place. Besides, children are perfectly capable of doing all kinds of things by themselves, like bath, brushing teeth, getting pjs on, why should a parent take an hour or two every day to put a number of children to bed? Those nights we had babysitters, we didn't fuss and cry because we didn't get a bedtime story, simply because we had never had one.

 

I know it's a silly example when talking about teenagers, but the parenting style was consistent throughout my childhood. My parents didn't treat us in such a way that would be considered "coddling" or "pampering" because that sets a child up for a lifetime of disappointment when in the Real World, they sink or swim based on the efforts of their own work rather than the attention of their parents.

 

Education fits into this system when, by the time a child is 13 or so, a young adult really, they are capable of living semi-independently, learning from professionals who have more to offer than can be obtained locally, offered an experience that is really quite adventurous and exciting for many kids. As a homeschooler, I snuggle with my kids even now and they're all teens (well, not the oldest, but that's his thing). My kids are spoiled in ways my parents couldn't dream. They have a much different kind of childhood than I had, not better, not worse, just different. I didn't feel any less love from my parents because I didn't spend "quality time" with them ten months out of the year, and I should hope my kids don't feel any less love from me and their father because we don't "trust" them enough to allow and help them to spread their wings.

 

Of course, this is just my own subjective experience. Anyone else who has gone to boarding school will undoubtedly have a unique perspective, and quite possibly think I'm full of sh*t. ;)

[Matryoshka]

This has nothing to do with modern boarding school, but if you're talking the traditional British boarding school culture in past centuries, the rich never sent their kids to any kind of local school. They had nannies, then a governess or tutor until they were old enough to attend a boarding school. I'm not sure there were local public schools, and if there were, they were kids of a different class, who the wealthy would not want their kids mixing with, as well as that the level and focus of instruction would be very different. There wouldn't be enough of the upper class in one area to have a school of their own. It's not like it was a choice between the local public or private school and a boarding school. The only other option would be continuing with private tutor(s) at home.

[NASDAQ]

Boarding schools got their start when travel was very expensive and slow. A commute to school would not be reasonable, and many, many people were not near an appropriate school.

 

Lots of people in the Orthodox Jewish community go to boarding school. Usually it's because their area doesn't have a high school of the type they'd like. Also, many boys seem to benefit from a certain amount of distance from their houses during this stage.

[Anne in CA]

This is interesting. My youngest is so independent that she does most of her school work by herself now. I can so see her wanting to go to boarding school, but the price is far beyond me. If money were not an issue I would probably let her go to a good boarding school, because I do think it would be good for her.

[rdj2027]

I attended a boarding school for a period of time after a move when there was no appropriate school near us. One of my friends went because his father was a diplomat and he did not want to put his children through the constant moves and place them in often precarious countries. Our oldest son is profoundly gifted and had some health issues. We could not find a school here in the US that would have accepted him at his age (6) and homeschooling was not an option. We were just about to send him overseas when a school near my mother lifted residence restrictions and we had him stay with grandma instead. My brother went to a boarding school due to behavior issues.

[ElizabethB]

This book is an interesting glimpse:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Stand-Before-Your-God-Schoolboy/dp/0679759417/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

[Jean in Newcastle]

I went to boarding school at age 11. My older siblings went at age 7. They think I was coddled. I grew up overseas. There were no international schools at a secondary level where I lived.

[sewingmama]

Boarding schools are used a lot in Australia by people living in the outback. Primary school is either school of the air or the local school consisting of less then 10 kids total. For high school they are sent to the big cities to board.

 

When I lived in Alice Springs I met quite a few Aboriginal parents who sent their children to boarding schools so that they could keep them totally away from getting caught up in the cycle of poverty and alcohol and third world conditions that exists there.

 

In England boarding schools were often used for orphans or very poor children....to help give them a chance in life. Most of those type were run by charitable organisations. Children were also often sent to boarding schools if the mother died and the father had to work. Fathers were not really expected to care for children so the boarding school was seen as the best option to help train the child properly in the absence of a mother.

[Laura Corin]

I can offer my mother's experience. She came back from Africa in 1928 when she was four - her father was a surveyor there, so solidly middle class but not in any way aristocratic. She went to the village school in rural Devon for a couple of years but that wasn't considered 'good enough' long term for her. I'm pretty sure it was a mixture of educational offering and class. I would doubt very much that it was because of her individual needs. She was at boarding school from age 7 until age 18 when she started to work in a factory building planes for the war, giving up her place to study at Oxford.

 

Steven Fry (actor, author, solidly upper middle class) was sent away to prep school at 8 in the late '60s. In his autobiography he talks about how he would not have had any playmates if he had stayed at home, because his friends (presumably the children of his class) all went away to school.

 

Both families were from rural areas - if they had been in a city, they might have sent their children to a local private school, but they might have decided it was a good idea to go away anyway.

 

From the people I have met, about half those who went away to boarding school thought 'it was the making of them'. The other half, my mother included, were traumatised.

 

There was interesting research recently into levels of mental health problems among those old people who, as children, were evacuated from home to live with other families during the war. Very high. I would guess that boarding school children of that era would also register high.

 

Yes, people still send their children away to boarding school. It's more common to send them for educational opportunities when they are older. My boys' school has boarders from about age 14, many of them from overseas.

 

Laura

[Melissa in Australia]

My cousin went t to boarding school. She started at 11. It was one of the top schools in Melbourne. She had to be booked in to reserve her spot as soon as she was born. my uncle paid $37k per year just for the boarding and tuition there were many extras like rowing and music on top of that.

 

My cousin is 20 now. She is currently going to uni to become a teacher. She HATED boarding school. she has told me that she felt that her parents didn't want her so they boarded her out. Her younger siblings didn't go to boarding school rather to an expensive private school. My cousin said she has told her parents that if they send them to boarding school she will come and kidnap them.

[Lily_Grace]

If we had been sent to England I considered sending my oldest to Summerhill. It was a school that fell in line with my beliefs about education, and presented it in a way that I could not do at home. It's a free-democratic school. The children choose to be educated or not, the teachers must consider how they present to maximize attendance and make children WANT to attend. I think they start taking kids at age 8 and continue until age 11, after which the mind is set and it's harder to incorporate them into the school.

 

Boarding schools offer a unique experience, just like summer camps do. I absolutely would and do send my child to summer camp - I think it's good to get away from the parents yet be in a structured environment.

[8filltheheart]

This has nothing to do with modern boarding school, but if you're talking the traditional British boarding school culture in past centuries, the rich never sent their kids to any kind of local school. They had nannies, then a governess or tutor until they were old enough to attend a boarding school. I'm not sure there were local public schools, and if there were, they were kids of a different class, who the wealthy would not want their kids mixing with, as well as that the level and focus of instruction would be very different. There wouldn't be enough of the upper class in one area to have a school of their own. It's not like it was a choice between the local public or private school and a boarding school. The only other option would be continuing with private tutor(s) at home.

 

This is what I was going to say.

 

FWIW, if you want to read about a modern English perspective on being sent to boarding school, Lewis describes his experiences as a boy in Surprised by Joy.

[Nan in Mass]

LOL - Just remembered I can offer the experience of one of my older friends (my mother's generation). She had a nanny when she was little and then went to boarding school very young. (This was growing up in California.) When I asked her if she had minded, she looked at me as though I were crazy and said, "Why would I mind? There were horses to ride." I got the distinct impression that home was not someplace she wanted to be once her nanny had left. My mother-in-law went to boarding school for high school and commented that she had no parenting-of-teenager skills as a result, making it hard for her to deal with her own teens. In case it hasn't occured to some people, "preppy" is the term for families with this tradition in my area, prep being short for prepatory school. It doesn't just mean plaid bermuda shorts and boat shoes with no socks. It is a whole lot of other things, too. : )

 

Nan

[SarahW]

 

FWIW, if you want to read about a modern English perspective on being sent to boarding school, Lewis describes his experiences as a boy in Surprised by Joy.

 

 

yeah.... I first read selections of SbJ in a Lewis anthology (the one by Dorsett) in my Christian college. When I later read the whole book - wow! that was all sort of unexpected!

 

It sort of puts the line in the end of LWW where one of Edmund's first acts as king is to prevent young fauns from being sent to school in a different perspective.

[In The Great White North]

There was interesting research recently into levels of mental health problems among those old people who, as children, were evacuated from home to live with other families during the war. Very high. I would guess that boarding school children of that era would also register high.

 

I read a book recently about talent and developing it (sorry, no idea of what the title was) and one of the themes was that hardship develops talent better than luxuries. One of their examples was elite British soccer players, as a group, who the author claimed had an extraordinarily high rate of coming from broken homes or "early departure for boarding school".

 

OTOH, there is a local "prep" boarding/day school and I know a few local families who have sent their kids there, some to board, some as day students, because they are in "sending" towns without a high school, and the actual nearest high school is poor academically. The kids don't seem to feel oppressed at all.

 

BTW, there is a FAFSA - like form for boarding schools too.

[FriedClams]

I went to boarding school for all of high school. It was 90 miles from home. I was the youngest kid in a PILE of overachievers. It got stale being "little ____" or asking why I wasn't more like "____" by well meaning teachers. I also had a very difficult relationship with my mom. Long story. There were not good private schools nearby.

 

It was amazing. I would seriously consider sending my kids. I got to be me. I wasn't "little_____". I thrived. The independce was what I needed. My grades were great. I played sports. I made friends I still have as an adult. My class sizes were tiny. My advisor remains one of those 'Mr Holings' in my life. I stayed out of trouble (though in hindsight I think drugs were widely available). Diversity was normal - not a catchphrase. Kids were open and accepting and cliques were minimal. Yes - there were huge chasms in wealth - but most kids didn't care. I can still kill it on the ultimate field and rip some hackysack. ;-)

[AimeeM]

I just realized that for about the same amount of money it's going to cost us to send DD to the private Catholic high school here, eventually... I could totally send her to a Catholic boarding school in a few years (for high school)...

Doubt I would do it, but it could be something nice to run through my mind when she's rolling her eyes and crying over math.

[Ellie]

This has nothing to do with modern boarding school, but if you're talking the traditional British boarding school culture in past centuries, the rich never sent their kids to any kind of local school. They had nannies, then a governess or tutor until they were old enough to attend a boarding school. I'm not sure there were local public schools, and if there were, they were kids of a different class, who the wealthy would not want their kids mixing with, as well as that the level and focus of instruction would be very different. There wouldn't be enough of the upper class in one area to have a school of their own. It's not like it was a choice between the local public or private school and a boarding school. The only other option would be continuing with private tutor(s) at home.

 

 

This is what I was thinking. :-)

[EKS]

Boarding school is something we have considered for our children. We live in an area that has very few educational options, and boarding school would be one way to deal with that.

[Ellie]

There are many foreign missionaries who send their dc to boarding schools, children who are very young. I think that's so sad. :-(

[Laura Corin]

[/size]

 

I read a book recently about talent and developing it (sorry, no idea of what the title was) and one of the themes was that hardship develops talent better than luxuries. One of their examples was elite British soccer players, as a group, who the author claimed had an extraordinarily high rate of coming from broken homes or "early departure for boarding school".

 

 

 

From my conversations with people who went to boarding schools, I would guess that this is, 'What does not kill me makes me strong.'

 

As I said in my earlier post, about half of the people I have known personally felt that boarding school was the making of them; the other half were traumatised by it. For every elite soccer player from a broken home or sent early to boarding school, how many people were broken by the same experience? Not odds I would like to play with, personally.

 

ETA: I don't have so much of an objection to boarding school from about age 14, although that is not what I would choose for my own children. The British tradition was boarding school from age 8.

 

Laura

[J-rap]

This has been an interesting discussion. Though I really can't imagine sending my own children to a boarding school (because I've loved having them around so much!), I think there is a place for them in certain situations, and that they can be a good thing. For one year when my oldest two daughters were high-school age, we lived in a different city that had a private arts school. We decided to try it out for one year. It was also a boarding school, and half the students lived there. My daughters lived with us, but they would often hang out with the boarders. It seemed like it was run well, and for the most part the boarders were nice kids who would not have been able to attend that school if they didn't live there, since their homes were faraway.

[pixeldog]

My 14 year old son went to a boys' boarding school this year (for 8th grade) after 5 years of homeschooling and he *loves* it. It was excruciating for me.....cried daily for several weeks, but things are much easier now as I see how the foundations we've built over the years have stayed strong and we haven't really "lost" the most important things.

 

If the parents are choosing to homeschool primarily because they want to be directly in charge of their children's education, then I can see how the mindset would be opposite.

 

On the other hand, if their motivation for homeschooling is that they value strong academics, and the experience of school being integrated with daily life -- such that the children and their teachers are part of a close-knit community that studies, eats, works, plays, and prays together, and has shared values and traditions -- then it makes sense that they might consider boarding school as another option.

 

 

This comment echoes the driving force behind our decision in the first place as my son is a self-starter and highly motivated in his interests. As we live in a *very rural* area, I realized that I was holding him back by keeping him home. I could see that if we kept going at the rate he was working, I'd have to dual enroll him at a local college or community college and I wanted him to be able to stay with same-age peers. It was also challenging for us to drive long distances to participate in sports and other classes away from home.

 

I am happy that he can become a part of yet another close-knit community (in addition to his immediate family) and form even more helpful relationships, and he likes that he can just walk across campus to soccer or track practice. He also got to swim on the swim team.....never would have happened......too time consuming.

 

The science building has all of the latest and greatest equipment and exciting instructors. The art room is well-equipped, all boys see the shows from the drama department, and the guys are required to play a sport (or other activity) every season. There isn't a whole lot of "just hanging out" on a daily basis and there are lots of organized functions like dances, sporting events, concerts and opportunities off campus. They are also required to do 15 hours of community service and attend chapel twice a week. He wears a shirt and tie every day (can tie a bow tie) and wears a suit jacket once a week. There are visiting speakers, authors, musicians, plays, etc. etc. WAY MORE than I can manage at home or in our tiny community.

 

He is taking 5 classes for the first year (3 honors courses) and his teachers are wonderful (young and old, mostly male). They have a network so that I can log on and see daily test scores, notes from teachers and all grades. He has a lovely advisor (a mom with two sons at the school) who is the librarian and a college counselor. She knows him and his goals well and we get along famously. His course of study is already mapped out through his senior year (with his, her and my ongoing input).

 

I truly believe this is a huge gift from God. He qualified for an enormous scholarship, receives financial aid on top of that and understands that "part of the deal" is that he will try his very best to pay it forward when he gets the opportunity. There is no doubt in my mind that this was the right option (and this is important) FOR HIM.

 

His fourth grade younger brother *thinks* he wants to go there, as well, although he is VERY content homeschooling. We'll see when the time comes......

 

I think it all depends on the kid, their "bent", their individual needs and the boarding school. I would also say that if you are interested in boarding school, do your research and let the admissions advisor know your financial situation right up front. I think many of them desire a diverse population and have ways of making it affordable for families with motivated students. Then pray! :001_rolleyes:

 

Blessings, Nancy

[Crimson Wife]

My maternal grandfather and both my maternal uncles attended prep school. My grandfather was a dirt-poor farm kid who won a scholarship and used it as a steppingstone to a PhD. at Harvard. My grandparents felt that the local public high school where they lived wasn't good enough for their sons (they didn't feel that way about it for their daughters even though my aunt and my mom were not any less bright than my uncles but that was the era when girls' education was taken less seriously :thumbdown:).

 

I seriously doubt we'd ever have the money for it, but I would love to have the opportunity to send my kids to either the prep school where my grandpa attended or the one where my oldest uncle attended as they offer a truly world-class education.

[Candid]

I think the biggest reason was the lack of a good local school for their children to go to. Even after what we would think of as public school arose the quality of those would have been rather low. Most areas would only have one or two families who were at this level, not enough for a school.

 

This is the same reason missionaries throughout much of the 20th Century did the same thing.