Remudamom Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I've known this, but for some reason yesterday it really hit home. I am (probably) not going to get to be the grandma on the farm surrounded by grandchildren. We were married ten years before we had any children. Now I'm 54 with one grandchild who lives faaaarr away. None of the other children are anywhere near marriage and children. Nothing is better than having children around. It's depressing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 ((HUGS)) My kids would kill for a grandma who had a farm. We all would love to have family with a farm. So while you don't have family that fits your desires you may have kids locally who would love a safe haven with a grandma type woman on a farm to spend time with. :lol: You need to seek out these younger women with young kids to become friend/mentor to. Or offer summer camp with grandma for all us folks with no grandma on a farm :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Enjoy your youth! I think 54 is young and you have plenty of years left to be a grandma. Now, if you were 74, and saying the same thing, then I might agree with you. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Umm, you have a 19 year old and 18 year old triplets?? In less than 10 years you could have more grandchildren than you can keep up with. :) And I also think 54 is still young. But it is sad that because of jobs most children can't live near their parents. It's hard for everyone in the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 *hugs* I'm on the other side...my kids don't have grandparents who are emotionally healthy, that they can have any sort of real relationship w/. And, as others have pointed out, 54 is young! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Umm, you have a 19 year old and 18 year old triplets?? In less than 10 years you could have more grandchildren than you can keep up with. :) And I also think 54 is still young. But it is sad that because of jobs most children can't live near their parents. It's hard for everyone in the family. yes, I agree - it's very possible. My daughter is pregnant with our first grandchild and she's 25. My son is 23 and is just getting engaged. I have a feeling they won't wait real long. But the other side of that equation is where they end up living. My daughter is less than an hour away, but my son will be moving between 2-5 hrs away, depending on which grad school he chooses. I totally agree with the OP: there really is nothing better than having children around. It's been a very difficult (heart-wrenching) couple of years as my children have begun leaving the nest. I still have an 11yr old, so I still have time... but it's not the same as when my house was filled with school-aged and/or little kids. I've been very nostalgic for those days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 (((remudamom))) someone posted here once that her dd married and moved away and the poster (i'm sorry i dont remember who) realized she would probably only see her DD once a year for the rest of her life. *curls in ball* *tries not to cry* * cries really hard* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 :grouphug: You don't know that yet! I had my first when I was 21. I've been thinking about all of the advantages my 2yo can grow up with that we just couldn't provide my now-14yo. :( It is what it is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Awww Well I have pretty much no family. So if you want to adopt us!!! :laugh: And I know we don't always agree on stuff, maybe we would even butt heads, but that would be just like family! Hey, that's an idea. I even have my own saddle, cowboy boots and know how to drive. Have curry comb, will travel!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Why the he!! not? Your dd is 19, the trips are 18, and you are a very young 54! My sister had her first kid at 24. Not all of us wait til we are 30+ to have kids. Agreeing that in 10 years- you could be sick of the gkids and want them all to go home! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 *hugs* I'm on the other side...my kids don't have grandparents who are emotionally healthy, that they can have any sort of real relationship w/. And, as others have pointed out, 54 is young! Perhaps the kids without grandparents could be paired up with the grandparent wanna bes without kids... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 With the ages of your kids, you really could have oodles of grandkids running around in the next 5-10 years. I hope that happens for you, because you sound like a grandma your grandkids will be lucky to have. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Anything is possible, so I wouldn't give up yet!!! But, I know what you mean about suddenly realizing that your future vision of yourself might not be exactly what you had thought. This is suddenly hitting me now, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 You are too young for all this talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Perhaps the kids without grandparents could be paired up with the grandparent wanna bes without kids... Sounds good to me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
history_junkie Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Before his open heart surgery this week, my grandpa was complaining that all his grand children were in town and he was stuck in the hospital and not able to take them hiking... he'll be 78 in May. His kids didn't start having the grandkids until he was in his 50s either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I started my family early, and have purposefully prioritized a career that allowed me to remain close to my extended family. I always had that grandmother you dream of being, and always wanted my kids to have the same. It didn't dictate my life choices, but it certainly influenced them. I couldn't imagine it being any other way, and it breaks my heart to hear you feel that you've lost your dream of being that grandmother. But life has a way of surprising us, so here's hoping your turn is coming :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I've known this, but for some reason yesterday it really hit home. I am (probably) not going to get to be the grandma on the farm surrounded by grandchildren. We were married ten years before we had any children. Now I'm 54 with one grandchild who lives faaaarr away. None of the other children are anywhere near marriage and children. Nothing is better than having children around. It's depressing. :grouphug: My former 4-H leader has a huge, lovely farm and two children who are my age (which is old) who will never have children. She still is a 4-H leader and there are always kids coming and going at the farm. She judges horse shows and coaches dressage. Her riders of my generation were ahead of their time. We all rode Western and by the time she was done with us, all of our horses were fair at dressage. Talk about total body makeover for a portly stock-type Pinto. But I digress; I know it is not the same, but you also don't know what the years will bring. I suspect you will stay active and young at heart like my 4-H leader who is now in her late seventies and have plenty of time with grandkids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 You will have all though grandkids running around the farm soon enough. My mom is also 54, and though she has 5 grandkids she doesn't have patience or time for most of them. She has her favorites and they get the time and the others are SOL. What they would give to have a gramma (especially on a farm), that was eager to have them around instead of one huffing and puffing that it must be nearly time for them to leave only 30 minutes into the visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 My parents have had 8 grandchildren in 6 years :). They are only slightly older than you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks all, I'm a bit cheered. The ranch could probably support us all, but they don't all want to stay. 8( I'm going to drive the pony into town and see if my sil will let me borrow her grandson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 (((remudamom))) someone posted here once that her dd married and moved away and the poster (i'm sorry i dont remember who) realized she would probably only see her DD once a year for the rest of her life. *curls in ball* *tries not to cry* * cries really hard* My parents moved away and I see them once every 2-3 years. There's a good chance I can count on my hands the number of times I'll ever see them again in my life. When I realized that I cried every day for a month. Typing it out just now brings it all back. Makes my heart physically hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 My parents moved away and I see them once every 2-3 years. There's a good chance I can count on my hands the number of times I'll ever see them again in my life. When I realized that I cried every day for a month. Typing it out just now brings it all back. Makes my heart physically hurt. :grouphug: It sounds like you miss them a lot. I would actually be okay with only seeing mine once a year or less. Right now I see them about once every 4-6 weeks and that is starting to feel like too much. It sounds like you love your parents very much. I hope circumstances change in such a way that you can see them more often in the coming years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4Kiddos Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I'm sorry! :( :grouphug: You could adopt us! I have three little guys and a new one on the way! We live on a farm and love farms. We could bring you boxes of fruit. :tongue_smilie: We are one of those who only have one set of grandparents in our lives. My parents don't really want to have much to do with me, my wonderful DH, or my little guys. My in-laws are great and love having the boys around! Although I must warn you, despite the animals, lizards seem to get all of the attention around here. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 If I had grandchildren before 54, I would be *shocked*. None of my kids are even close to getting married. None of them have even finished college. One of them isn't even high school age. My mother is a fabulous 71. She just got back from a two week road trip. 54 is a baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 It is a painful and depressing thought. So many get on the corporate track and move wherever they are told in order to keep progressing. In our econ. so many don't have a choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Thanks all, I'm a bit cheered. The ranch could probably support us all, but they don't all want to stay. 8( I'm going to drive the pony into town and see if my sil will let me borrow her grandson. You never know. My siblings and I moved away from our parents, because we wanted to live elsewhere. Two years after moving away, my older sibling returned expecting a child. Nine years after I moved, I returned, expecting a child. My younger sibling is talking about babies and moving back. People change. Being away, though fun, sometimes can help you realize that there are more important things in life than where to live, experiences like having your children growing up surrounded by the love and care of their great grandparents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a whole mess of cousins. We're very blessed to have such a wonderful extended family, and I want my children to know it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 :grouphug: I have one child who really dislikes little kids and swears she doesn't want any. I have an Aspie son who may or may not ever get married. And my oldest is ready to have a real relationship, get married and have a child but she hasn't yet found the "one" so she is terribly depressed. Being a parent is not an easy thing. I am hoping for a plethora of grandchildren but that's really not going to happen. I'll still never get over the fact that I wanted more children but DH didn't. I would have loved having at least 2 more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 There are many kids who don't have grandparents/godparents/mentors. You could have kids on the farm. They just may not be biologically related to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I know how you feel. I keep telling my dc that marrying young and having children is a good idea. They just stare at me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 What is mere age when you have the right attitude? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Aw, I feel ya. The grandma on the farm is my kind of gig, but we're having kids late in life (I'm pregnant with my second as we're pushing 40). As old as I feel right now, I think I'm just going to concentrate on surviving the toddler years as a 40-something...and then the teen years as a 50-something. Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 :grouphug: My kids need a grandmother, you want to adopt some? :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Seriously---be an "adoptive Grandma." Find a new mom (maybe even a first-timer!) or a Mom overwhelmed with homeschooling and a toddler/preschooler and baby in her house (ahem! ;) ) and go hold the baby in the family room while the Mom cooks dinner in possible relative peace. Bring over an activity for the toddler/preschooler, whatever---and then just leave. Or, make food for the family and activities for the toddler and give the Mom a chance to enjoy holding her baby on the couch for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenC3 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 My oldest will be 24 when I'm 54. I keep telling my kids the best age to have kids is 23-33 and since I'm pg at 40 and oh so tired maybe they'll believe me! I hope to enjoy grandkids in my 60's and 70's. My inlaws are 63 & 68 and they have 6 grandkids from 9-4 and another one soon. They will likley end up with 7 grandkids which is a great number. One of their kids isn'tmarried/nochildren and the other sons waited until their 30's to have kids. My parents had 3 kids and will end up with 6 grandkids from 2 kids. They are both 62 and have grandkids aged 11-4 and our nb on the way. BTW: we live an hr from inlaws, but I live 12 hours from my parents. We see them 2 times a year:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mango Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 I bet there are local families who live far from their grandma. Could you borrow a few grandkids and make your own fun? My mom used to do this before we moved back. )) She had a whole flock of kids/families from church who loved coming to her house. Surrogate grandkids are fun too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mango Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 There are many kids who don't have grandparents/godparents/mentors. You could have kids on the farm. They just may not be biologically related to you. :grouphug: My kids need a grandmother, you want to adopt some? :laugh: Seriously---be an "adoptive Grandma." Find a new mom (maybe even a first-timer!) or a Mom overwhelmed with homeschooling and a toddler/preschooler and baby in her house (ahem! ;) ) and go hold the baby in the family room while the Mom cooks dinner in possible relative peace. Bring over an activity for the toddler/preschooler, whatever---and then just leave. Or, make food for the family and activities for the toddler and give the Mom a chance to enjoy holding her baby on the couch for a while. Watching my mom be grandma to strangers was what finally convinced us we were missing out big time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 My parents went from 0 to 8 grandkids in five years. You've only just begun... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 A few ideas if you want to be really challenged: Become a foster parent for a troubled teen and teach them to work, ride, etc. There is a huge need for this and some of these kids really flourish on a farm. Become a foster parent for a troubled teen from the criminal justice program for just a bit more of an added challenge. Become a respite provider for a special needs child or 2. My best friend is your age and does respite for my special needs kids and has them help her out with the horses, do chores, etc. It is wonderful for me as they are being well cared for and learning some valuable lessons. I may never be a grandma. Oldest 2 will likely never marry/live on their own. Youngest maybe but she has a long ways to go and it just might not happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 The year my oldest was born, my mother got a granddaughter in August, September, October, and January. A few years later, we gave her a round of boys. It can happen in a rush. Also, be careful what you wish for. Children have a way of returning home 'for a while' with offspring. My mom is 65, and for the FIRST time she has no children or grandchildren living with her. As soon as the last kid moved out, my grandmother moved in with her. She's decided to put off retirement so she can hide at work longer :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahliarw Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 At some point your granddaughter will be old enough to come out and spend most of her summer with you on the farm. And it'll probably be some of her best memories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 (((remudamom))) someone posted here once that her dd married and moved away and the poster (i'm sorry i dont remember who) realized she would probably only see her DD once a year for the rest of her life. *curls in ball* *tries not to cry* * cries really hard* Yup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Cornelia Snook Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I agree that you can be an adoptive grandma. Oh, what a blessing you can be to so many young lives! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoseInABook Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 You never know. I moved across the country the day after my wedding day. I got pregnant and almost immediately, we moved back home to be around family and friends. *laugh* Kids have a way of changing your mind about things that had previously been decided. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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