who eats a family meal at the table together?

[windmillmarie]

And how do you preserve that or aspects of that when your kids grow older? My oldest will be entering his teens soon and I expect as my kids grow older, activities will ramp up.

 

Right now, we do a family meal, TV off, at the table for every dinner. There are rarely evening activities to rush off to now.

 

I anticipate rejoining scouts or sports at some point for the younger kids, and soon the older kids will be in their own activities.

 

 

Do you have a rule where several nights everyone must be home for the meal? Do you work around schedules?

 

How does this work if you have, say, 3 teens one or two still little?

 

My family grew up in a way where everything was fend for yourself or dinner was made at 5 and you could reheat that later. I don't want my own kids like that, but is it inevitable?

[Kim in Appalachia]

We eat our dinner at "lunch time". We all sit down together. This is because we do lots of activities in the evenings. My dh can sometimes make it home at that hour, and he tends to work late, so this has worked well for us.

[MissKNG]

I grew up eating as a family and think it's very important.

 

Our family doesn't eat together every often since dh is on such a different schedule than us with work and sleep.

[kewb]

We rarely do 'the family dinner". Between my husband's work hours and the kids swim schedule we are rarely home at dinner time. I eat lunch with everyone. My dh carves out time with the kids when he gets home from work. Some weekends we get to sit down together. To be honest, they are so not the norm that everyone ends up snapping at each other. My dh has unrealistic expectations of how the meal is supposed to go.

 

Family dinners were a horribly stressful time for me growing up. We always had to eat together and my father often got home from work late. So we were starving. My parents were non-supportive so you never wanted to give away too much information. So answers were often one or two words. Then my father would pick up the newspaper and read and the rest of us would dive into our books.

 

I believe it is important for families to have a common time to bond together I just don't necessarilly think that it has to be over a meal.

[Lily_Grace]

We do.

 

Tonight is scout night. It's almost 5pm and we'll be sitting down to dinner in a minute, giving us enough time to finish before he heads out the door.

 

There are some days when family dinners just aren't feasible. We end up with what we call a Gilmore night that week - late night snacking (or early afternoon Sunday) with a bad movie, lots of cuddling and laughing, and maybe a board game or a puzzle. The games and puzzles are on a temporary hiatus right now - we're waiting for the 2yo to be more patient or go to bed earlier. :)

[Joker]

We usually eat dinner together every night. The exception being when oldest is sleeping over at a friend's house. I have one teenager now but we have no activities going on after 6pm, so we're usually eating dinner around 7pm. I'm sure things we'll get busier as she gets older and we won't be able to do this. We also all hang out at the table together in the mornings before dh and older dd leave for the day. We're not all eating together, but we're hanging out and talking for 15-30 minutes. I don't anticipate our mornings changing too much.

[windmillmarie]

I love that idea! I still have my kids in a school at this time, but this is something I could do during summers. We are much busier in the evenings then.

 

 

ETA wow, that was a lot of posts in between there while I was typing it. This was in response to Kim in Appalachia. The idea of making breakfast a bigger deal is good too. We have a good hour and a half before everyone leaves.

 

I need to stop thinking of it just being the evening meal as a family meal.

[Scarlett]

We do. Only if dh is going to be later than 8 do I let ds eat before dh gets home.

[Orthodox6]

Most of the time, everybody here eats the evening meal together, with the exception of my father, who no longer can come downstairs without pain and great effort. (so sometimes we carry out food upstairs and join him in his room) We never have had a set time for meals. (I don't endorse that, simply report the fact.) To some extent, we schedule around individual needs, but only if that is reasonable. If an older teen just couldn't make it to eat with the others -- (and this remains the case with our college dc) -- we would save a meal for him.

 

We enjoy each others company, which likely contributes to the ease of holding "family meals." When the kids were young, they enjoyed scrapping among themselves, which also led to spending time together! ( :tongue_smilie: ) Another "lure" is that my cooking enjoys a high reputation, and nobody wishes to be left out.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Every Saturday, we make our menu plan for the week with an eye on the calendar. We have had activities that did cut into dinner, but I tried to limit it to only a couple of nights a week. This month was bad for that because we took advantage of a class that was timed badly for dinner. Once this is over (1 more week) we will be back to 3 weeknights of family dinners and usually 1 or two weekend family dinners. My boys' advanced Karate class is now later in the evening, so that is not a dinner problem anymore, but dd is a competitive rock climber and her practice schedule interferes with all of us sitting down two nights a week. Sometimes dh is home in time for us all to eat together, but not as often as we all would like.

[QueenCat]

It's not as great as it used to be......

Mondays- we are all home

Tuesdays- boys eat on campus with Wesley's Campus Ministry, dh & I either go out together or eat together at home

Wednesday- dh teaches at night so he doesn't come home between work & teaching (technically also work); I eat at church, boys eat leftovers/sandwiches.

Thursday- boys and I eat together, dh teaches again

Fridays- we are all home, boys might be out, but often don't go out until later

Saturdays- varies depending on social commitments

Sundays- we eat lunch together, I'm usually out for dinner with a girls group, dh & boys eat together if boys are home

[Karen in CO]

We don't have a tv so that isn't an issue. I have dinner on the table at 6 everynight, and those who are home eat then. My older dd currently has music lessons and orchestra that interfere with dinner two nights a week, but those of us that ate at 6 will come back to the table to join her and whoever drove her. This has worked for us for many, many years. Oldest still joins us for dinner when he's home from Japan. It has been a constant for our family.

[sahm99]

We eat all three meals at the table, everybody. My husbands has his office close (in our backyard, really). Obviously he misses some meals (mostly lunch) due to work. Apart of that we work around schedules - and that is not an easy thing, given that the older three each swim between 15-18hours, all in the afternoons/evenings. We usually have to wait for dinner until after 8:45...ðŸ˜

 

[justamouse]

We do. All the time. Every meal, but on Friday nights it's movie night and we eat pizza while watching a movie.

 

 

For a few weeks we fell out of it, and I learned a very important lesson. That it loosens the day just enough to let stuff slip away. Slip away in ways you don't want. So, now we're back to the table, and it's not something I will let go again.

 

The teens love it just as much as the littles do. We have a lot of fun family centering conversation that goes on, and we truly enjoy each other.

 

I've actually been thinking about WHY this is such a small slip, and why it seemed so different when we didn't--apart from the fact that we broke our own tradition.

 

Anyway, I'm coming to the conclusion that dinner at the table is the first step to building a family culture.

[elegantlion]

We eat dinner together every night. Once in a while ds will eat in his room and maybe every two weeks, we eat in the living room while watching a movie.

[melmichigan]

We try to do family dinner at the table every night. With his schedule my DH isn't always home in the evenings but I make an effort to have a sit down meal. We do cheat on occasion when we have pizza night. We are trying a new schedule with more of our swim time earlier in the day so dinner won't be so late those days, we'll see how that works.

 

We always did this as a child and I think it is important.

[aggieamy]

We have a unique situation since DH and I both work from home. We all get to eat almost every meal together. Sometimes if we're busy at work we eat at our desks and DD has to eat alone. (That sounds really sad written out.) A majority of the time we eat together though in the evening and just eat around our activity schedule. If DD has tennis and it runs into the evening then I put something into the crockpot so we can have a fast dinner after tennis but before bedtime. I think the key is having a flexible eating schedule.

[regentrude]

I do not cook every night, and we are not all home together every night, but we have meals as a family together several times a week.

During the work week, DH gets home at 7pm. I am at work one night until 7:30, DD is at work one night until; 8:30, I have choir one night, DS has TKD two nights from 6 to 8 - so on those days, we eat a sandwich for dinner. Eating a cold dinner is typical in our home country anyway, we don't cook the evening meal. Our big meal is lunch.

Once a week, we all go and have lunch together. On three other days, DD eats with DH on campus, and I eat with DS at home. On Fridays I am home and cook for the kids.

On weekends, I cook at such a time that we are all home together.

 

I do not consider the daily family meal a necessary measure for family closeness; we can achieve that in many other ways.

[lailasmum]

We usually all eat together but not always at the table. Mostly at the table at the weekends when dinner is earlier and everyone is home. During the week it's often where ever we happen to be as the table is usually covered in half finished things and I like to feed my kids earlier than when the other adults are home.

[regentrude]

Anyway, I'm coming to the conclusion that dinner at the table is the first step to building a family culture.

 

 

But how do you do that?

When my kids were little, there was no way they could wait until 7pm for Dad to come home from work - they were hungry at 5, and in bed by 7. And with older ones: do you allow no outside activities for your teens OR adults on week nights?

[DianeW88]

We eat together every night and always have. Dinner isn't always the same time every night, but we always eat together. A hot, homemade meal with a homemade dessert afterwards. Because that's how I like it. LOL

[Cassy]

DH insists on a family meal most evenings. Some evenings, like today, different boys are in and out at different times, so I end up serving three sittings from 5.30 pm to 7 pm (which is too long long in the kitchen :glare:). I can see that as the boys get older weekday evenings are probably going to get more and more hectic and the family evening meal will probably get lost (I'll have to rethink my cooking routine). I imagine it'll then become more important to have at least one weekend meal with us all together; I believe that eating together is important to family life - also, DH likes to keep an eye on their table manners :tongue_smilie:.

[momofkhm]

And how do you preserve that or aspects of that when your kids grow older? My oldest will be entering his teens soon and I expect as my kids grow older, activities will ramp up.

 

Right now, we do a family meal, TV off, at the table for every dinner. There are rarely evening activities to rush off to now.

 

I anticipate rejoining scouts or sports at some point for the younger kids, and soon the older kids will be in their own activities.

 

 

Do you have a rule where several nights everyone must be home for the meal? Do you work around schedules?

 

My kids are 18, 15 and 12. We still have dinner together almost 7 nights a week. The thing that most gets in the way is oldest's work schedule. Everything else seems to know that there is a dinner hour and is easy to work around. Well, maybe not easy. But it can be worked with. Last night, middle had an outside class until 4:30 and then another lesson at 7:30. We just fit dinner there in the middle. No problem.

[MiniBlondes]

Breakfast and lunch are eaten at the table with me and the kids. Dinner is the only meal where my husband is home and we always eat together at the table. My DD9 is heavily involved in sports so sometimes we don't sit down to eat until 8 or 9 and it's a frozen pizza, but the point is that we eat it together. I am a neat freak and do not allow eating or drinking outside of the kitchen/dining room so we always eat at the table regardless. We may as well eat together.

[Lily_Grace]

But how do you do that?

When my kids were little, there was no way they could wait until 7pm for Dad to come home from work - they were hungry at 5, and in bed by 7. And with older ones: do you allow no outside activities for your teens OR adults on week nights?

 

 

This is when you get flexible. Make breakfast the family meal, or have dessert with dad each night. Set aside family time each week. Keep up with everyone through somehting like the Index Card Project.

 

The meal doesn't build the family culture. Making time for family does.

[russiantwins]

we eat every breakfast and dinner together at the table as a family. One night a week is movie night where we are at the table, but eat pizza and watch a family film together while eating. Lunch is at the table with the kids and me, as hubby is working. We try to be committed to this, as it fosters some great conversations about our day.

[Hikin' Mama]

We do. My oldest didn't participate in many extracurricular school activities in high school, and he could work his personal activities around our schedule. So throughout his high school years, he was most always at dinner with us. My middle child does more activities, with his busiest seasons during track and cross country. But he has dinner with us most of the time. My youngest has activities that usually don't interfere with dinner. Both of my younger kids do have social lives that keep them away on Fri. or Sat. Nights. That's when dh and I eat up the leftovers.

[Karen in CO]

But how do you do that?

When my kids were little, there was no way they could wait until 7pm for Dad to come home from work - they were hungry at 5, and in bed by 7. And with older ones: do you allow no outside activities for your teens OR adults on week nights?

 

 

I think trying to eat together and pay attention to each other during meals is the point. Not every family can schedule this, but it is differnt than people that don't even try. I have dear family members that eat dinner in front of the tv every night. It is weird for us when we visit because we've never figured out if it is more sociable for us to eat with them in front of the tv or for us to take our meals at the dining room table together. On the nights my youngest and I eat alone, we sit at the table and chat just like we would if we had a full table of family. We enjoy our time together. We don't each pull out a personal entertainment device and plug-in while we eat. If you've never had meals together, you might feel you have to be extreme, but it is really easy if it is part of your family culture to share meals.

[regentrude]

 

I think trying to eat together and pay attention to each other during meals is the point. Not every family can schedule this, but it is differnt than people that don't even try. I have dear family members that eat dinner in front of the tv every night. It is weird for us when we visit because we've never figured out if it is more sociable for us to eat with them in front of the tv or for us to take our meals at the dining room table together. On the nights my youngest and I eat alone, we sit at the table and chat just like we would if we had a full table of family. We enjoy our time together. We don't each pull out a personal entertainment device and plug-in while we eat. If you've never had meals together, you might feel you have to be extreme, but it is really easy if it is part of your family culture to share meals.

 

 

Oh, I totally agree. We eat EVERY meal at the dining table - whoever is present and eating, that is. It's just that often there are not all four of us together at the same time. We eat breakfast at a set table, too. No entertainment devices, phones, books at meals; we talk. I don't know it any differently; at home, that's all we every did. We may have a snack while watching a movie, but we won't watch a movie while having a meal.

[justamouse]

But how do you do that?

When my kids were little, there was no way they could wait until 7pm for Dad to come home from work - they were hungry at 5, and in bed by 7. And with older ones: do you allow no outside activities for your teens OR adults on week nights?

 

 

 

My kids ate at the table since they were really small, and then we'd just let them down and they'd run. It's actually a hysterical memory we have, of three toddlers RUNNING around the 'island' of the house (open floor plan with stairs in the middle) Every. Single. Night. I have no idea why, but thats what they did.

 

My kids were never in bed that early, they'd go to bed around 8.

 

What I would do is feed them early, then put them BACK in the chairs with a snack or dessert while Dad and I ate, that way they were starting to put together the idea that this was something we all did together. Of course they'd just eat more of my food, too. :D

 

I have a household of introverts. We only do stuff if we really have to. :D

 

On Monday nights I teach two religion classes with 1.5 hours in-between, so on Mondays I have dinner made or in the crockpot so that we sit and eat when I get home, then they clean up while I'm at the second class.

 

Dad will get home a bit later that night, but what they do is they all sit WITH him while he has dinner. I didn't ask them to, it's just something that happened from us eating together all the time. They'll have some tea and cookies, or something as a dessert while he eats, and the conversation is just like dinner.

 

Dd18 works until 8 pm, but she will bring her plate to the room that we're all in--again, it's a deeply ingrained habit to eat together. And by that time the nuts and fruit is out.

 

On Tuesday Boy has scouts, and we eat before he leaves. That one is early for Dad, but again, the ones left home will have their dessert while he eats.

 

When they were young, too, we had a time where dad worked late, but was home every morning for breakfast, so I made a huge breakfast and that was our big meal together.

 

And on Sunday, it's a Big Spread, every Sunday. That is our day of rest and we do. The day centers around church and the afternoon dinner. We may slip out for some antiquing but that's built in around the other stuff.

 

I guess we do what Diane does, it's a different time every day, but it's together.

[mom31257]

Dh is home a lot now because he's laid off and in school, so we are sometimes eating lunch together at the table as well as dinner. Our kids have participated in very few late afternoon or evening activities, so we have eaten almost every dinner together at the table for their entire lives. The one meal we don't eat much together is breakfast because we aren't always up at the same time and our kids have always wanted to eat as soon as they wake up.

 

We don't like rec department sports teams because we think sports at young ages should be about fun and learning to be a team player and not training to get a college scholarship. We have been a part of Upward some (no longer in our immediate area), but that is only 1 night a week for practice for 3 months. Even the scouting we have done was not at a time that interfered with dinner.

[lea_lpz]

We do most nights. I'd say on average 5 days a week.

[ccolopy]

We have a lot of activities, but we still manage to have family dinners most nights. Right now, only one activity is in the evening - the others are after school or on the weekend. When baseball season gets started, we'll be down to 3-4 family dinners per week, but we'll still have them whenever possible.

[Caitilin]

We eat dinner together every night, as a rule. Occasionally dc are visiting with friends, etc, but those who are home eat together. We work around "activities" like dance, etc, by eating before or after.

[whitestavern]

And how do you preserve that or aspects of that when your kids grow older? My oldest will be entering his teens soon and I expect as my kids grow older, activities will ramp up.

 

Right now, we do a family meal, TV off, at the table for every dinner. There are rarely evening activities to rush off to now.

 

I anticipate rejoining scouts or sports at some point for the younger kids, and soon the older kids will be in their own activities.

 

 

Do you have a rule where several nights everyone must be home for the meal? Do you work around schedules?

 

How does this work if you have, say, 3 teens one or two still little?

 

My family grew up in a way where everything was fend for yourself or dinner was made at 5 and you could reheat that later. I don't want my own kids like that, but is it inevitable?

 

We eat 3 meals a day together as dh works from home. I like that time we spend together, and it makes it very easy because I only have to cook one meal for everyone. I hope we'll be able to continue into the high school years (well, at least for dinner).

[Laura Corin]

The evening meal moves to accommodate activities. There's only one night when it really doesn't work, and Hobbes and I have sandwiches before his karate whilst Calvin cooks for himself.

 

Laura

[6packofun]

We do at least 4-5 nights a week. Now that ds18 is working afternoons/evenings, he misses out on dinner most of the time and I'm sad about that! BUT, when I go pick him up, we'll go get a slushie together and hang out to talk. Or, he'll come home and heat up his dinner and dh and/or I will sit with him...then everyone starts trickling in, too! lol We just stay flexible and eat together as much as we can.

[Excelsior! Academy]

We do. Even when my girls were in gymnastics and didn't get home until 8:30 or 9. We ate then. Snacks earlier for the youngers, if needed, but ate as a family. Now the children and I eat breakfast together. Dh comes home at work for lunch, so we eat all together around 12:30. Dinner is variable depending on when dh arrives home, generally around 5:30-6:30.

 

 

Will add more in a minute....dh JUST got home for lunch.

 

 

 

ETA: Dh grew up in a family that NEVER and I mean NEVER ate together. He does not have pleasant memories of it. Ocassionally I will send the kids to the backyard for lunch on a nice day so dh and I can eat quietly at the breakfast table while watching them out the window. During the afternoon we will sometimes watch a video in the living room while the children eat popcorn. Dh doesn't say anything, but he really doesn't care for either of these things. He would much prefer us to always eat together at every meal.

[Susan in TN]

We eat breakfast together every morning (about 7am) except for the occassional morning when dh has to be to work early. This is when we do family devotions and sing together.

 

We eat lunch together most days (minus dh during the week when he is at work).

 

We eat dinner together most days - sometimes someone is "missing" due to ballet class on Fridays or dh working late.

 

For the most part, our extra curricular activities allow for a decent dinner meal time - between 5:30 and 6:30. Everyone who is home eats together and we go through 15 explanations to the 4yo as to why "missing person" is not at dinner. :D I am glad that it's seen as an undesirable thing to her, though.

[lynn]

We have no specific rules. If my teens are home they are expected to be at the dinner table with the family even if they choose not to eat. My two oldest are rarely home for dinner because of their work schedules it's kind of sad but it's nice because the two youngest like the extra attention they are now getting. When the weather is nice and my kids are playing outside with their friends I usually let them play and eat later. We eat earlier than most so I am flexible.

[TammyinTN]

We have a standing 7pm dinner time at our house. Dh has to deal with DC traffic, so we usually end up eating around that time. We usually have dinner together 6 of the 7 nights a week.

[Stacia]

We almost always do a family dinner. (I have a teen & a pre-teen.)

 

We do have some activities that are around dinnertime. Those nights, we either pick up (& still eat together around the table), do a simple dinner (that I try to prep ahead of time or something quick & easy like breakfast for dinner), or dh gets home before the dc & I & he goes ahead & cooks dinner. Last night, we picked up pizza, but still ate around the table together. We never have the tv on during dinner. (I can't stand tv & could easily live w/out one. The rest of the family enjoys tv, but we have never had tv on during eating.)

 

We do not routinely eat dinner at the same time every night. It does vary by the day & the week. Sometimes, one or the other child is not home (out w/ friends, doing an activity, etc...). Or, dh might be working late. Those days, whoever is home eats together.

[TravelingChris]

We have almost always ate as a family. One thing we do is have dinners usually later than most so we can eat. On Wednesdays, dh tries to make it home early enough so we eat before our evening activities. The one night we often don't have together is Sunday night because dd is usually off so early for youth praise team practice and then youth group. However, we normally have Sunday lunch together, after church and before dd's dive. We usually have our son over about once a week, at least. It helps him eat better since he is such a low paid worker and he loves to cook so sometimes he cooks for us.

[StephanieZ]

We do. Every night. Maybe once or twice a month, one of the olders is stuck on an online AoPS math class 7;30-9, and so that kid gets a plate at the computer desk. Occasionally a child is out at a friends during dinner. Pretty much 100% of the other nights, we eat together.

 

The way it works at our house is that we are really random about what time we eat. ;) dh gets home late some nights, some nights I am too overwhelmed to cook, even if he isn't home until 9! Some nights I call begging for pizza delivery . . . So, we might have dinner at 6 or maybe 9. 80% of the time it is by 8:30, lol. It might even be 10. Those nights, we joke we are eating Argentina style, lol. Most nights it is good home cooked multiple dishes, yummy, healthy. Gourmet. Sometimes it is pasta and pesto with mini carrots, celery, and dip. Sometimes it is just pizza and if we are lucky, quick broccoli dish and a fruit salad thrown together while the pizza is warming back up in the oven.

 

I think the key for us is that we are flexible and thankful. No one gets pissy if I have no idea what is for dinner even though it is already 7 and dh isn't due home for another hour, and the kitchen is still piled with dishes from lunch. We just muddle through, do our best, thank each other, and sit down together with grateful hearts, say our blessings (whether over pizza or a four course gourmet meal).

 

If I had a dh with attitude or expectations, it would be much, much harder. Thank god I don't have that! Since we all stay calm and work together, we manage to toss something together and sit down together eventually by all pitching in. At the worst, dh and I can toss something edible together in a few minutes, definitely within half an hour, once he is home.

[StephanieZ]

Double post.

[WiseOwlKnits]

We eat dinner together 6 days a week. The other day, we eat out with friends.

[Excelsior! Academy]

 

 

But how do you do that?

When my kids were little, there was no way they could wait until 7pm for Dad to come home from work - they were hungry at 5, and in bed by 7. And with older ones: do you allow no outside activities for your teens OR adults on week nights?

 

 

I know this was not directed toward me, but I can explain how we do it. Yes, our olders are in activities. We schedule meals around the activities. There ARE times when the activities conflict with a family dinner and it IS impossible to eat together. My girls have debate classes in the next town. On those days we can not always make it home in time to eat lunch with dh. The younger children and I will either drive back and forth which leaves very little time to eat or we will stop by dh's office after classes are over. We will run through the drive-thru and drop off something to him or I will pack lunches and swing over to a nearby park. He meets us there even if it is just for 15 or 20 minutes. Bed times are extremely important to us. We have 9 dc. Only two are teens, so I definitely like to get the younger children to bed at a fairly early hour. It gives dh and I time and allows my teens time without younger siblings. They talk to us or just pursue reading, browsing blogs, etc. However, if it is the difference between an early bedtime or eating as a family we choose the latter. Even if it means eating at 9 at night. Fortunately this happens rarely, but it does happen.

 

 

Eta: I wanted to add one more thing. Our younger children are not forced to go large stretches without eating. If we are going to eat late or if I just don't know we have snacks. Sometimes substantial ones. They are also told of the plans. They are not left wondering if and when they will eat. We got 4 of our children from an environment when they truly did not know if or when they would eat. Meal/snack times are consistent. If someone is gone until x time they know it and know we will eat then. They also know they will get popcorn or apple with peanut butter or cheese sticks in the mean time.

[myfunnybunch]

We do. We also eat breakfast together.

 

On the nights when most of the family have activities, dinner is delayed until they get home. Karate night, for example. On nights when one person is gone, we just eat without them. I have Spanish class on Tuesdays, and the rest of the family eats without me.

 

Cat

[Ailey]

The kids always eat together and Dh and I always eat together. We all manage to eat at the same time 3-4 nights per week, but when Dh is working late I have to feed the kids at a reasonable time. I do think that family dinners are important, and we'll try to keep them up as much as possible.

[MomtoCandJ]

We eat dinner together just about every night :)