If you think it's hard to clean and/or declutter, what prevents you?

[Ginevra]

I'm asking this for research purposes for a book I'm writing. Is it hard to know how to clean (tools, materials, methods)? Is it hard to figure out when to clean what? If it's hard to declutter, what do you think is hard? Deciding what goes? What would help you to be more effective at cleaning and decluttering?

[FriedClams]

Time.

[Happy]

I've found things carry a lot of emotion for me....makes it hard to let it go. It can be happy emotions or worse, sadness, guilt, regret,...

 

Having a friend sit with me as I go through things helps keep the emotions from swamping me.

[Bensmom]

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the task. A sink of dirty dishes, a couple of loads of laundry, little messes here and there. I have to remind myself to just tackle one thing at a time or I run around in circles and feel exhausted and defeated. My son is very much the same way. He looks at his room and says, "I can't clean all this mess. It is too much." I ask him, "How do you eat an elephant?" and he laughs and replys, "one bite at a time." It helps to remember that even seemingly large tasks can be tackled by taking one thing at a time.

 

Decluttering is harder because not everything has a place. Where do you put "x" when there is no established place for it and no real room for it?

[Mommyof4ks]

Where to start. Once I pick something and get started it goes quickly and easily, but deciding where to start is hard.

[Hypatia.]

Getting started and not getting distracted. Getting DH onboard, since I can only make so much progress with items that are mine. Plus, every time I mention it to him he says "you want to do it NOW?".

[Lawana]

I tend to procrastinate in general, and am often behind in cleaning and decluttering. Then, I can't settle in on any one task. I think about all the other tasks that need to be done, and expend much emotional energy trying to figure out the right thing to start with. Even when I try to tell myself to just do something, anything, it doesn't work. I often think about cleaning for long periods of time without actually doing any. really, really stupid. Honestly, I resist doing small, routine things. It doesn't seem worth it to do just a few dishes, but then when they pile up, it gets overwhelming.

 

I've read books and websites about cleaning and organizing. I don't feel lack of knowledge is a problem. Having a house with too little storage space definitely makes it harder to organize. I don't have any place to store my vacuum cleaner, for example, so it ends up in my bedroom.

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

Finding the time to do it without kids bugging me about everything. Then deciding what to do with it. I always would like to get money out of things if I can but then they sit around waiting for me to have time to do that. Then if I just donate it, I never know the best place to take it, and we live far out, so I have to plan to take it there and I forget and then it just sits in the garage. And also, it makes me feel guilty for buying it in the first place to just get rid of it.

 

My biggest motivator, however, is the show Hoarders. :)

[Carrie12345]

I'm asking this for research purposes for a book I'm writing.

 

Ooh, sounds neat!

 

Is it hard to know how to clean (tools, materials, methods)?

 

No.

 

Is it hard to figure out when to clean what?

 

Not especially.

It's hard to conjure up motivation and effort when you know muddy paws and sticky fingers are following right behind you.

 

If it's hard to declutter, what do you think is hard? Deciding what goes? What would help you to be more effective at cleaning and decluttering?

 

More room to put more affordable organizing systems.

Less emotional attachment.

Fewer people giving my kids and me less "stuff". (Or would that be *more people giving us less stuff?)

 

.

[Maela]

Decluttering: husband and kids like to keep stuff. My stuff is pretty decluttered and organized, but my dd is getting to the age where she notices when I get rid of stuff. Ds isn't so bad yet.

 

Cleaning: Clutter. It's hard to clean things when it's covered in stuff. I hate knick-knacks.

 

I've been pretty good lately about keeping our house nice; but when I am behind on cleaning/organizing/declutter, these are the reasons.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

For me the hardest is keeping up with everything. I never manage to clean the fan blades weekly or biweekly because they do not look that bad (far from perfectionist here! Low ceilings = low fans = no stool needed, so i have no excuses!). This goes for just about everything.

 

The other stumbling block is daily cleaning mixed with bigger cleaning.

 

For example, yesterday i cleaned my first floor well. Today was supposed to be second floor with monday being dusting and vacuuming. Well, while i was doing laundry and my bedroom, my kids nearly trashed the first floor. This means that i have to pick up stuff again before i can vacuum. And i have more to do than just dishes tonight.

 

My final problem is space. We came from a small, 2bdroom apt and now have a 3 bdrm house, but with zero storage. No attic, no basement. I have no where to put stuff. Since we have such low ceilings, organizing up doesn't work either.

[Lisa in SC]

I get overwhelmed. That's actually an understatement of epic proportion. For example, I need someone to say, "start with this drawer," or "first put away all of the books." This person is usually dh. Weirdly, I can explain to the children how to break a big task into small steps, but cannot do it myself. Once a room is "done", I can keep it that way, too. The "getting to done" is what paralyzes me. It absolutely doesn't help that I expect perfection. This expectation is only limited to myself. I don't expect it of others. I'm a total crazy mess, I know.

[DawnM]

I get so overwhelmed. I find myself moving stuff from point A to point B and then over to point C instead of actually dealing with it!

[Dandelion]

My main issues:

 

Finding and/or prioritizing the time to do it.

 

Creating a workable routine so that it just becomes a part of life, instead of a "project".

 

Fun ways to include the kids (with strategies of how to overcome their guaranteed resistance), so that I don't feel like the decluttering is just one more thing that interferes with family time.

[nono]

My issue is simple. Until I know where something's away spot is, it'll linger. And I really need it to do so, because if I just make a "for now" spot, I'll completely forget that I own it, or remember I own it and be unable to locate it.

 

My closets and attic are neat and tidy. My house is not cluttered, but it is too "lived in" for my taste these days.

[Dandelion]

The more I think about this, I think what's really needed is a book about the "psychology of cleaning/decluttering". Because that seems to be what trips a lot of people up. There are already plenty of books out there that cover the practical "how to" aspects of this topic. I've read a few of them, but it's the mental roadblocks that keep me from acting on all that great advice.

 

If you write a book about how to master your cleaning/decluttering psychology, I will totally buy it. ;-)

[Sukale]

I see $$$$ when I try to de-clutter. I remember the item when it was new and how much I paid for it. So for example when I see the tub of Lincoln Logs that my dd din't like and hardly played with I see the $50 that I spent. I don't want to throw them in the trash, I have no one to give them to, and I know if I put them in the car for Good Will they will sit there for at least a month before I get around to dropping them off. So the end up staying in the playroom even though I know no one is ever going to touch them.

[Guest]

I've found things carry a lot of emotion for me....makes it hard to let it go. It can be happy emotions or worse, sadness, guilt, regret,...

 

Having a friend sit with me as I go through things helps keep the emotions from swamping me.

 

 

Can a book meet this need for you? IOW, if you read in a book that it is more logical to let a new mother benefit from your no-longer-needed Moses basket, is that enough to get you over that hump? Or would it have to be a tangible friend with you?

 

Decluttering is harder because not everything has a place. Where do you put "x" when there is no established place for it and no real room for it?

 

 

Is this a problem of small living space or is it a problem of not having an idea of where something could go?

 

Where to start. Once I pick something and get started it goes quickly and easily, but deciding where to start is hard.

 

 

Can a book meet this need for you? If FlyLady tells you to start by shining your sink or I tell you to clean out a drawer, does that help or is it something you feel you would have to decide for yourself individually? And then, once you start, do you feel you need additional steps, like "Day One...Day Two...Day Three...?"

 

I tend to procrastinate in general, and am often behind in cleaning and decluttering. Then, I can't settle in on any one task. I think about all the other tasks that need to be done, and expend much emotional energy trying to figure out the right thing to start with. Even when I try to tell myself to just do something, anything, it doesn't work. I often think about cleaning for long periods of time without actually doing any. really, really stupid. Honestly, I resist doing small, routine things. It doesn't seem worth it to do just a few dishes, but then when they pile up, it gets overwhelming.

 

I've read books and websites about cleaning and organizing. I don't feel lack of knowledge is a problem. Having a house with too little storage space definitely makes it harder to organize. I don't have any place to store my vacuum cleaner, for example, so it ends up in my bedroom.

 

 

The bolded is very interesting. I do agree with your last point in particular. Smaller spaces look and become messier faster, even if the inhabitant is not terribly messy.

 

I get overwhelmed. That's actually an understatement of epic proportion. For example, I need someone to say, "start with this drawer," or "first put away all of the books." This person is usually dh. Weirdly, I can explain to the children how to break a big task into small steps, but cannot do it myself. Once a room is "done", I can keep it that way, too. The "getting to done" is what paralyzes me. It absolutely doesn't help that I expect perfection. This expectation is only limited to myself. I don't expect it of others. I'm a total crazy mess, I know.

 

 

Would a "Day One...Day Two..." format be useful for you? With the perfection paralysis: that is a hard problem. I'll have to think about that a little.

 

The more I think about this, I think what's really needed is a book about the "psychology of cleaning/decluttering". Because that seems to be what trips a lot of people up. There are already plenty of books out there that cover the practical "how to" aspects of this topic. I've read a few of them, but it's the mental roadblocks that keep me from acting on all that great advice.

 

If you write a book about how to master your cleaning/decluttering psychology, I will totally buy it. ;-)

 

 

That's a fascinating insight; thanks for it!

[violamama]

It's hard to not get sucked in cleaning one specific little thing until it is absolutely completely and in every way just exactly how I want it, instead of completing my larger task.

 

Also, allow me to introduce Isaac, my 4 year old... he's chatty.

[Rose in BC]

Definitely time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Exhaustion. The daily takes up 90% of my stamina.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I have not seen (have not looked very hard either) a book that addresses daily cleaning, decluttering, and keeping up with it all while having your kids around 24/7.

[Guest]

Exhaustion. The daily takes up 90% of my stamina.

 

 

Yes, that's a major problem I haven't found the answer to, particularly when health limitations or disabilities are the reason. One woman in my writer's group mentioned this; she has MS. I do not have that limitation and don't know what the solution is.

 

I have not seen (have not looked very hard either) a book that addresses daily cleaning, decluttering, and keeping up with it all while having your kids around 24/7.

 

 

Mhhmmm. I hear you. I do think homeschooling parents have a unique cleaning obstacle not faced by those whose kids go away during the day.

[texasmama]

I'm pretty good about decluttering and organizing. My barriers are time/energy to so do and the fact that I am the only one keeping up the results. I have five people working against me on a daily basis to reclutter.

[Audrey]

I'm asking this for research purposes for a book I'm writing. Is it hard to know how to clean (tools, materials, methods)? Is it hard to figure out when to clean what? If it's hard to declutter, what do you think is hard? Deciding what goes? What would help you to be more effective at cleaning and decluttering?

 

 

The thing *I* find hard about cleaning is that, for me, it is never clean enough. I really struggle with that. I sometimes enjoy cleaning, but if I am not having a good day, then whatever I have cleaned just mocks me with its imperfections.

 

As for decluttering -- Sometimes, sentimentality comes into play. I know I'll never use that sleeper and that baby sweater and hat set, and those 2 baby afghans again, but I brought my little boy home in the first and the latter were all made by his grandmothers and great-grandmother for him and those lovely ladies are long since gone. However, the real challenge with decluttering for me is that I am afraid of waste. If I spent money on something I feel like I have to use it down to its last desperate gasp of life, or else I am a waster.

 

Disclaimer: Yes, I have issues. I KNOW that. You don't need to remind me, but go ahead anyway if it makes you feel better. :D

[Halcyon]

Finding the time--i like uninterrupted blocks of time and don't often get them. DH takes kids out on Sat for a few hours so i can clean and declutter

 

that's my main issue.

[dangermom]

Family members. Other people in the house who have a lot of stuff they don't want to get rid of, and want to go through themselves but they never do.

[Lawana]

Another thought. I think Fly Lady understands the real issues many of us face─the lack of routine and being overwhelmed (hence the baby steps). The reasons I didn't have long term success with her method were two-fold─first, it made me crazy to keep my sink perfect *all* the time. I was constantly monitoring that stupid sink, and if anyone turned on the water for any reason, I had to go over and dry and polish it *again*. With kids and dh home all day every day, it made no sense to try to keep it *perfect* all the time. I tried to tell myself that I could still do the bulk of her system without having a perfect sink, but it felt all wrong to abandon that first step. Second, some things were just plain arbitrary. Okay, wearing shoes works for you, but that doesn't mean it works for me. I don't even wear real shoes *out* of the house.

 

I've never missed a day brushing my teeth. I've never debated whether I should shower, because after all, I'm just going to need another one tomorrow. But I debate with myself all the time about doing simple household tasks that should rightly fit into the above type category.

 

I know there will not be a one size fits all solution to cleaning, but here's what might work for me: if you could help me make routines that work *for me*, and help me put cleaning into the same mind frame as tooth brushing.

 

I know two women that keep their houses the way I'd like to keep mine. One loves to clean. When she goes on vacation, she immediately *fires* housekeeping and does it all herself. Because she likes doing it. She has MS and has limited capacity for physical work, but prioritizes cleaning to the top of the list. The other has 3 children at home (formerly homeschooled). But she's young herself (34 to my 53) and has way more energy than I ever had. She likes her house neat and clean, and just does what it takes. Neither spend any time agonizing over what should be done in what order. Neither have a hard time getting started. Both are vigilant about keeping up with things and never letting them get bad. Yet knowing all the above doesn't help me do it myself.

[Alicia64]

I think when I was younger it was all about accumulating stuff. . . stuff that would create a life. Now that I'm in my 40's paring down is essential. And it was meeting a few friends who are super good at organizing that helped me. I was like, "Oh, clean people throw things out?? Cool."

 

Now I'm a bit better at hauling my tucas down to the GoodWill drop off or simply throwing trash away. We lived in relocating apartments for two years and stuff was in a an inaccessible garage and I realized how easy it was to live without a bunch of junk.

 

It's the baby clothes and toddler art and preschool pictures etc. that are SO hard to part with. But my good friend who is good at organizing is a pro at this sort of thing and gets emotionally attached to nothing -- which I've told her is weird! :)

 

Good luck w/ your book -- I'm a writer too!

 

Alley

[Carol in Cal.]

I just simply hate it.

I hate to clean. Cleaning does not stay done. Other people mess it up. Or it just deteriorates. This is annoying.

I hate to declutter. There is almost nothing I wouldn't rather do with my time.

[Lisa in SC]

 

Would a "Day One...Day Two..." format be useful for you? With the perfection paralysis: that is a hard problem. I'll have to think about that a little.

 

 

Day One...Day Two...could help if it's realistic or at least tweakable. We have a big house. It was more affordable than much smaller homes in the area and had all of the different spaces we needed, including accommodations for dh's elderly father. So, things like "Day One: Scrub all bathrooms" would totally make me run for the hills. If you find help for perfection paralysis, please, please let me know! :)

[happi duck]

Clutter is our biggest issue. We know how to clean but the clutter makes it all take soooo long!

 

I am currently taking a break from de-cluttering the last corner that didn't get finished in the fall. We are having company tomorrow and can't close the area off. I am glad to be getting it done but...the reason it was left until last is because it is the hard stuff. The stuff that is difficult to make a decision regarding...arrgg!

[scrapbookbuzz]

I know how to clean. That's easy. It's the decluttering that challenges me. I can get rid of some stuff but it's figuring out where to put the other stuff that's a challenge.

[PrairieSong]

Interruptions! Our youngest is thirteen, but I am still interrupted by kids or dh wanting something or I need to make a meal or clean up after. When I am home alone for a long stretch of time I get so much more done. I can grab something quick to eat and keep working. No one is distracting me.

 

I get really discouraged when I have cleaned and organized a storage area and other family members do not put things back where they belong, even if I label containers!!

 

Also, dh always points out that we might need X someday, or that we have paid good money for it. I read somewhere here that the money spent on an object is gone and you're not going to get it back by hanging onto the item! I have had a few garage sales but they are SO much work for usually not much return unless you have big ticket items. I prefer to donate to our small local thrift store. They are staffed by volunteers and help needy families in our community.

 

I feel much better after a big decluttering session. I can't think of anything I have gotten rid of that I later wished I had back! I sometimes get rid of things without telling dh--not anything truly sentimental or important to him--and he never notices.

[cathmom]

Yes, that's a major problem I haven't found the answer to, particularly when health limitations or disabilities are the reason. One woman in my writer's group mentioned this; she has MS. I do not have that limitation and don't know what the solution is.

Mhhmmm. I hear you. I do think homeschooling parents have a unique cleaning obstacle not faced by those whose kids go away during the day.

 

This year my children started school and it is amazing what I can get done in an hour or two of uninterrupted time, which I NEVER had before they started school!

[TrixieB]

I see $$$$ when I try to de-clutter. I remember the item when it was new and how much I paid for it. So for example when I see the tub of Lincoln Logs that my dd din't like and hardly played with I see the $50 that I spent. I don't want to throw them in the trash, I have no one to give them to, and I know if I put them in the car for Good Will they will sit there for at least a month before I get around to dropping them off. So the end up staying in the playroom even though I know no one is ever going to touch them.

This is one of my issues.

As for decluttering -- Sometimes, sentimentality comes into play. I know I'll never use that sleeper and that baby sweater and hat set, and those 2 baby afghans again, but I brought my little boy home in the first and the latter were all made by his grandmothers and great-grandmother for him and those lovely ladies are long since gone. However, the real challenge with decluttering for me is that I am afraid of waste. If I spent money on something I feel like I have to use it down to its last desperate gasp of life, or else I am a waster.

And these are two more of my issues.

 

Sometimes I think decluttering is hopeless.

[kubiac]

Honestly, I don't prioritize cleaning because cleaning, wiping, sweeping, dusting, washing, folding, adjusting, picking up, vacuuming and hustling around with various "messes" was all my mother ever did. Obviously that's an exaggeration, but she clearly has a gentle but legitimate case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, and her relentless fussing at her family had a serious cost of time and money. On one level or another, it damaged her relationships with all of us. Even my youngest brother, who is widely agreed to be the least sensitive, most resilient and laid-back of all of us, has been known to snap: "MOM! STOP looking at me like that. STOP inspecting me. I don't need to be adjusted or fixed and it's just WEIRD."

 

I'd rather throw myself into other parts of my life, and intermittently do a big cleaning session, when and if I can get the family out of the house and focus on doing a nice job making everything just so.

 

All of which is to say, the psychology of cleaning is clearly a big issue, LOL.

 

And FWIW, after many years of personal growth, I now enjoy working with my mother on joint household projects, either at her house or at mine. We were talking about love languages on another thread, and as an adult, I can see now that wiping down counters and putting wrinkled T-shirts back in the dryer to unwrinkle them is how she says "I love you." Within reason, and partly because she has learn to respect my personal household standards and adult boundaries, I can appreciate the loving emotion and not be (too) irritated by the pointless, relentless, no-end-in-sight-until-death, high-maintenance meddling. Hee. :)

 

In re decluttering, I used to be a terrible hoarder, but over the past three years, with help from DH, I'm getting almost good at it. Which is to say, it takes practice, and even becomes fun. You learn to live with the cost regret and just take small solace in what you can give away.

 

And you really do end with a different kind of more. Less stuff, but more freedom and more space and more peace.

[extendedforecast]

I don't know if this has been said yet, but for me, I don't have much trouble organizing and decluttering. My problem is that I can't maintain the level of orderliness that I wish to have. Part of the problem is that I haven't done a well enough job teaching my kids to clean up after themselves. Another part is that I have two preschoolers who need time and attention, or else they make messes. It's like a cycle I can't get out of. In the end, I just don't like to spend my whole day cleaning. I don't like it. Period.

[Melinda S in TX]

I'll start with the clutter part first. We can't declutter because we need everythiing in our house and our house is too small. Seriously. We have no shed, garage, attic, basement, etc to store things and we live on a farm. The incubator, canning stuff and all of dh and ds tools/construction stuff is in the hall closet. The ham radio is in a corner of the living room. The extra plywood for the shelves dh is working on is behind the hampers in the hallway. I have two 2x4x8s leaning in the corner of the bathroom for a repair I need to make. My hoe is leaning on the washer. The box of slippers and the outside gloves and hats are in the corner of the living room. All of the animal supplies for castrating, to kidding, to vitamins are in the bathroom closet. We are out of room and some things have no place, but we have to keep them.

 

Since I can't declutter and things don't have a home, it make things hard to clean.

[Pod's mum]

I haven't read the responses yet.

But my imediate answer to the original question Is....The actual carp itself.

Lots of carp. lots and lots of carp.

And lots of it has meaning for us and lots of it is stuff we will use because we are both really interested in LOTS of stuff.

And some of it has to be dealt with before it can get thrown out (4 years of tax) and lots of it is just carp.

Did I mention there's a LOT of it.

 

My house is morbidly obese.

[Laura Corin]

A combination of things. Currently it's mostly time/will. The lack of time means that the whole subject becomes a mountain that I lose the will to climb. I work almost full time, Husband is away from Monday to Friday and I have three acres of garden to attend to. I spend at least five hours a day on Saturday and Sunday tending the garden: this is partly choice, partly in order to stop it turning into wilderness: we are surrounded by farmland with 'wild' edges to the fields. Those wild edges (creeping buttercup, thistle, nettles, docks, ground elder) creep and seed into the garden.

 

So the house doesn't impress me minute-by-minute by the urgency of the tasks: the jungle will not take it over if I fail to clean it that day.

 

But I do work on the house after dark: what with cooking (from scratch mostly), basic cleaning, taking the children to activities, etc., I rarely sit down for the night until 10pm.

 

Right now I am off work for two weeks (the factory closes, so the offices do too). During this time I am deep cleaning the house. I know how to do it and I don't have a fear of decluttering.

 

Laura

[Deb in NZ]

Interruptions! Our youngest is thirteen, but I am still interrupted by kids or dh wanting something or I need to make a meal or clean up after. When I am home alone for a long stretch of time I get so much more done. I can grab something quick to eat and keep working. No one is around to distract me, etc.

 

I get really discouraged when I have cleaned and organized a storage area and other family members do not put things back where they belong, even if I label containers, etc.!!

 

Also, dh always points out that we might need X someday, or that we have paid good money for it. I read somewhere here that the money spent on an object is gone and you're not going to get it back by hanging onto the item! I have had a few garage sales but they are SO much work for usually not much return unless you have big ticket items. I prefer to donate to our small local thrift store. They are staffed by volunteers and help needy families in our community.

 

I feel much better after a big decluttering session. I can't think of anything I have gotten rid of that I later wished I had back! I sometimes get rid of things without telling dh--not anything truly sentimental or important to him--and he never notices.

 

 

I think we may be twins :laugh: . I find that I need space mentally & physically to make any progress with my decluttering. I have boxes that get moved from A to B & back to A, depending on the season & who in the family makes the biggest noise regarding the clutter mess. Each time I move the boxes, I get rid of a few things & put others away where they belong, but over time the pile acts like a magnet & pulls new clutter to join the mess <_< . Things that I think dh may want (i.e. plastic ice cream containers, margerine containers, etc.) , I put in the garage, telling dh that he can have them if he wants, but I do NOT want them in the house.

 

I also try to bless others as I have been blessed. A friend of mine gave me a bunch of school uniforms for ds#2. Her youngest has just finished school. What she gave me means I now have all the uniforms ds#2 will need for the rest of his highschool career. That week I took the uniforms that ds#2 had just outgrown & gave them to the councilor at school, as she would know who would benefit best.

 

To the OP, I think a book with some inspiring quotes would help to motivate me. Something that is organised into short (1-3 page) chapters, headed by a quote & followed up by how that quote applies to household management, with maybe a story or 2 to illustrate it. This could be religious or not, as both help to inspire me. Quotes from various eras & cultures would help me to look at old problems in new ways & hopefully find solutions that would work for me.

 

JMHO,

[Melissa in Australia]

My problem with decluttering is I use just about everything. But a lot of them are things that I use only a few times a year. Like the big bottling (canning) steriliser, or the brewing kits, the treadle sewing machine the stack of baskets used in Autumn to harvest all the fruit i the orchid umpteen other things.

[Guest]

Another thought. I think Fly Lady understands the real issues many of us face─the lack of routine and being overwhelmed (hence the baby steps). The reasons I didn't have long term success with her method were two-fold─first, it made me crazy to keep my sink perfect *all* the time. I was constantly monitoring that stupid sink, and if anyone turned on the water for any reason, I had to go over and dry and polish it *again*. With kids and dh home all day every day, it made no sense to try to keep it *perfect* all the time. I tried to tell myself that I could still do the bulk of her system without having a perfect sink, but it felt all wrong to abandon that first step. Second, some things were just plain arbitrary. Okay, wearing shoes works for you, but that doesn't mean it works for me. I don't even wear real shoes *out* of the house. I've never missed a day brushing my teeth. I've never debated whether I should shower, because after all, I'm just going to need another one tomorrow. But I debate with myself all the time about doing simple household tasks that should rightly fit into the above type category. I know there will not be a one size fits all solution to cleaning, but here's what might work for me: if you could help me make routines that work *for me*, and help me put cleaning into the same mind frame as tooth brushing. I know two women that keep their houses the way I'd like to keep mine. One loves to clean. When she goes on vacation, she immediately *fires* housekeeping and does it all herself. Because she likes doing it. She has MS and has limited capacity for physical work, but prioritizes cleaning to the top of the list. The other has 3 children at home (formerly homeschooled). But she's young herself (34 to my 53) and has way more energy than I ever had. She likes her house neat and clean, and just does what it takes. Neither spend any time agonizing over what should be done in what order. Neither have a hard time getting started. Both are vigilant about keeping up with things and never letting them get bad. Yet knowing all the above doesn't help me do it myself.

 

I have read Flylady's book, but I wasn't ever on her e-mail system, but ITA - that stupid sink thing makes me crazy. I'm a bit on the OCD side to begin with and the last thing I needed was a *new* concern that is impossible to maintain in a house with children home all day.

 

Day One...Day Two...could help if it's realistic or at least tweakable. We have a big house. It was more affordable than much smaller homes in the area and had all of the different spaces we needed, including accommodations for dh's elderly father. So, things like "Day One: Scrub all bathrooms" would totally make me run for the hills. If you find help for perfection paralysis, please, please let me know! :)

 

Thank you; I'll keep that in mind as I think about this.

 

Interruptions! Our youngest is thirteen, but I am still interrupted by kids or dh wanting something or I need to make a meal or clean up after. When I am home alone for a long stretch of time I get so much more done. I can grab something quick to eat and keep working. No one is around to distract me, etc. I get really discouraged when I have cleaned and organized a storage area and other family members do not put things back where they belong, even if I label containers, etc.!! Also, dh always points out that we might need X someday, or that we have paid good money for it. I read somewhere here that the money spent on an object is gone and you're not going to get it back by hanging onto the item! I have had a few garage sales but they are SO much work for usually not much return unless you have big ticket items. I prefer to donate to our small local thrift store. They are staffed by volunteers and help needy families in our community. I feel much better after a big decluttering session. I can't think of anything I have gotten rid of that I later wished I had back! I sometimes get rid of things without telling dh--not anything truly sentimental or important to him--and he never notices.

 

Ha! I mention each of these things in the book. I call the last one the "He'll never notice" method. :laugh:

 

Honestly, I don't prioritize cleaning because cleaning, wiping, sweeping, dusting, washing, folding, adjusting, picking up, vacuuming and hustling around with various "messes" was all my mother ever did. Obviously that's an exaggeration, but she clearly has a gentle but legitimate case of obsessive-compulsive disorder, and her relentless fussing at her family had a serious cost of time and money. On one level or another, it damaged her relationships with all of us. Even my youngest brother, who is widely agreed to be the least sensitive, most resilient and laid-back of all of us, has been known to snap: "MOM! STOP looking at me like that. STOP inspecting me. I don't need to be adjusted or fixed and it's just WEIRD." I'd rather throw myself into other parts of my life, and intermittently do a big cleaning session, when and if I can get the family out of the house and focus on doing a nice job making everything just so. All of which is to say, the psychology of cleaning is clearly a big issue, LOL. And FWIW, after many years of personal growth, I now enjoy working with my mother on joint household projects, either at her house or at mine. We were talking about love languages on another thread, and as an adult, I can see now that wiping down counters and putting wrinkled T-shirts back in the dryer to unwrinkle them is how she says "I love you." Within reason, and partly because she has learn to respect my personal household standards and adult boundaries, I can appreciate the loving emotion and not be (too) irritated by the pointless, relentless, no-end-in-sight-until-death, high-maintenance meddling. Hee. :) In re decluttering, I used to be a terrible hoarder, but over the past three years, with help from DH, I'm getting almost good at it. Which is to say, it takes practice, and even becomes fun. You learn to live with the cost regret and just take small solace in what you can give away. And you really do end with a different kind of more. Less stuff, but more freedom and more space and more peace.

 

Interesting point, about the OCD mother. My mom is the opposite - in the direction of a hoarder and part of my tidiness is no doubt a reaction to not wanting to go that road. Your last point here is so astute, I might have to ask you if I can quote you.

 

name='Melinda S in TX' timestamp='1356328876' post='4565724'] I'll start with the clutter part first. We can't declutter because we need everythiing in our house and our house is too small. Seriously. We have no shed, garage, attic, basement, etc to store things and we live on a farm. The incubator, canning stuff and all of dh and ds tools/construction stuff is in the hall closet. [/b]The ham radio is in a corner of the living room. The extra plywood for the shelves dh is working on is behind the hampers in the hallway. I have two 2x4x8s leaning in the corner of the bathroom for a repair I need to make. My hoe is leaning on the washer. The box of slippers and the outside gloves and hats are in the corner of the living room. All of the animal supplies for castrating, to kidding, to vitamins are in the bathroom closet. We are out of room and some things have no place, but we have to keep them. Since I can't declutter and things don't have a home, it make things hard to clean.

 

Yes, that is a very substantial problem. More often, people keep things they don't actually need, but clearly, this is not true for everyone and as you describe it, you are certainly hampered by not having a shed or barn or what-not for things that would not normally go in the hall closet. :grouphug:

 

 

THANK YOU everyone, for your insights and thoughts. It is a huge help to me. I wish I could quote and remark on every post.

[Donna]

Cleaning is not difficult for me but sometimes I don't do it as often as I'd like due to time constraints....I am just not home often enough and when I am home, I have other things to do like getting school work done with DD. I tend to get everything swept, dusted, and bathrooms cleaned weekly. The kitchen is cleaned up a few times a day because I don't like cooking in a dirty kitchen.

 

Decluttering is a problem because we moved from a more roomy home to a home with smaller rooms about 3 years ago and I have 3 kids including two boys who tend to come home from school and drop everything (school and sports equipment) somewhere.

 

I am still working on finding a place for everything we use and trying to part with things that we don't use very often and no longer have space for. We are also remodeling slowly as we get the money to do it. I have plans for nice storage options like built-in cabinets in the music room and a crafting area in the basement, for example...just not the money to purchase them. I always admire the homes of some of the people I know who seem to have a place for everything. I think there are still boxes in my basement storage area that have never been opened...obviously, I could just get rid of them because I haven't used the stuff in 3 years. Here again, time (and money) are the problem.

 

What would help? I need a number of free days with nothing else on the schedule....which is completely impossible at the moment since, even if I don't do school with DD, there are still a number of hours spent sitting with her while she practices (though she is doing well taking over more and more of that herself, she still likes for me to sit in with her a lot). Money to do things the way I'd like would help, too but we are working on that slowly as we are able. Maybe someday when the kids are all grown and gone and we no longer have to pay for lessons and camps and such.

[KungFuPanda]

Honestly, I just don't enjoy it. I know HOW to clean, declutter, and organize. I could write a book about it, but I just don't want to do it. ANY system works if you actually do it. I'm simply more motivated to do other things. I DO make time to keep things relatively clean and organized, but I don't think I'll ever get every room looking perfect at the same time. I just don't care enough to drop more interesting pursuits in favor of a neater home.

[Hannah]

I see $$$$ when I try to de-clutter.

 

This and sentiment. For example. we have cut crystal wine glasses that were given as a wedding present. We've never used them because they just aren't our taste. I also have glasses that my grandmother gave me. Also never used, but I just can't throw them out either. I know the items were expensive and were given to me with love on a special occassion and by a special person. So they stay. To be cleaned with the deap clean twice a year...

 

Things I bought myself I'm working hard as seeing as a 'sunk cost'. Throwing an unused item out is reducing the time spent on managing stuff so I am working on seeing it as 'buying' time.

[AngelaNYC]

I'm asking this for research purposes for a book I'm writing. Is it hard to know how to clean (tools, materials, methods)? Is it hard to figure out when to clean what? If it's hard to declutter, what do you think is hard? Deciding what goes? What would help you to be more effective at cleaning and decluttering?

 

For me, it's not that I don't know how or when to clean, it's that I feel like I'm shoveling during a blizzard that never ends. I am a perfectionist and I NEED to have it clean and decluttered or I get anxious and grouchy. With 5 of us in the apartment, I feel like it's all on me to pick up after everyone. I can't stand it. So I usually end up not doing anything at all. Partly because it depresses me and partly because maybe they'll start taking responsibility after living in a pigsty for a while. But after a week or 2 I go on a full-day cleaning binge because I need the inner peace. Then if so much as crumb falls on the floor and no one picks it up I will lose my mind, lol. So I guess I avoid cleaning:

 

1. out of spite

2. because when I do, I inevitably turn into OCD monster mom

3. because it becomes overwhelming when I put it off too long

4. because if I don't have enough time to finish it they way I like it - I can't bother starting.

 

My solution (in theory, not practice) is to just suck it up, have a morning and evening routine, and stick to it without feeling resentful. I just need that kick in the behind every day.

[Durriyyah]

I have a hard time convincing the family to get rid of stuff sometimes, so that adds to the clutter, and makes it hard to clean. The more clutter, the less clean my home is. I still haven't found a "home" for everything either. I'd love to have a great storage system now that we have the space, but I'm struggling with how to store things (baby clothes we are keeping, extra fabric, old files/books/etc) and not spend a ton just for the storage boxes/bins. We have all sorts of different plastic bins and they don't stack as easy, but I just get the ones that are on sale at the time.

[jenL]

 

For me, it's not that I don't know how or when to clean, it's that I feel like I'm shoveling during a blizzard that never ends. I am a perfectionist and I NEED to have it clean and decluttered or I get anxious and grouchy. With 5 of us in the apartment, I feel like it's all on me to pick up after everyone. I can't stand it. So I usually end up not doing anything at all. Partly because it depresses me and partly because maybe they'll start taking responsibility after living in a pigsty for a while. But after a week or 2 I go on a full-day cleaning binge because I need the inner peace. Then if so much as crumb falls on the floor and no one picks it up I will lose my mind, lol. So I guess I avoid cleaning:

 

1. out of spite

2. because when I do, I inevitably turn into OCD monster mom

3. because it becomes overwhelming when I put it off too long

4. because if I don't have enough time to finish it they way I like it - I can't bother starting.

 

My solution (in theory, not practice) is to just suck it up, have a morning and evening routine, and stick to it without feeling resentful. I just need that kick in the behind every day.

 

 

Yes! This is me... It is SO frustrating to clean/declutter and within minutes, someone has destroyed it, so I find myself doing the bare minimum (bathrooms, kitchen, vacuuming) while things pile up. I let things go for too long, and then they feel insurmountable. My bedroom has become the catch-all, and looking at it and thinking about cleaning it brings such anxiety.

 

The other factor, as many have mentioned, is space. We have minimal attic space and a small garage. It's very hard to pare down when you don't have a place to put things. With that comes my other issue: I worry about getting rid of things "just in case" I may need them someday. There was a period of time where dh and I were really struggling financially, and I'm afraid to go back to that place and not have something I may need, so I hold onto things in fear of that happening again. Do I really "need" any of these things, no, probably not. I'm not a hoarder because I can and do purge; I just don't purge enough. I donate regularly to Goodwill and the like, or I will occasionally take the time to sell bigger ticket items, but even putting those items aside to sell when I don't have enough space causes more clutter. It's like a vicious cycle.

 

On the flip side of the fear of not having money, is the need to have money to be organized. We are living more comfortably now, but we are still on a budget, and it takes money to be well organized. Bins, baskets, crates, shelves, cabinets, and closet organizers all cost money. I would love to go crazy at IKEA buying things in order to be organized, but if there isn't any money or there is only a little bit of extra money, then it's nearly impossible to create storage space that can make things appear clean/uncluttered. I'd love to have creative, feasible ways to create storage on a tight budget.

 

Time is also a HUGE issue. Homeschooling my kids, keeping up with the daily routine (meals, laundry, errands, email communication, etc), extra-curriculars for the kids (and we keep these to a minimum), volunteering at church, trying to find time to hang out with dh, and if I'm lucky seeing friends... all of these things take up time, and it makes it easy to avoid cleaning, especially since I'm exhausted by the end of the day. It's worse during the holidays when I spend my time running around to get those extra things done.

 

I will say that I have learned to ask dh and the kids for help with cleaning, and now that my sons are getting older, they are able to do more (they clean their bathroom). That has been an incredible help because I don't feel quite so frazzled all of the time. Not everyone has a dh who is willing, however, so for those women, the task is even harder.