Are you going to talk to your kids about the shooting today?

[idnib]

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'

 

-Mr. Rogers

[laf919]

I have not yet but will tomorrow morning. I didn't want to right before bedtime, but my dh is the pastor at our church and he is planning to speak to it on Sunday - and our kids listen to every word he says at church even when it seems they aren't paying attention! I am hoping there may be some more facts about who and how out by morning for me to read. My kids are kindergarten and 3rd grade, but pretty tuned into the adults around them, and so I don't think not telling is a good option. As someone else said, I want them to hear from me (and dh, but he has a prayer meeting tomorrow morning, so it will be just me this time.)

At the public school my dd's have attended in the past, you do have to go to the office and sign in when you enter the building. The main hallway door going back to the classrooms is locked, but there is another back door in the office that is not locked. And if the secretaries recognize you, they wave you past after you sign in. Not sure there is much that could be done to stop someone with multiple guns intent on getting in. Sad, scary, and true. And we are not in a violent neighborhood - we are in a small town in southern Illinois.

[hillfarm]

My dd is older but she has a friend over for a first-time sleep over. I was concerned about bringing up the subject, not knowing how the other girl might react so I held off telling them. However, they did hear about it on the news. I was proud that dd came in and quietly asked if I had heard about the problem. She seemed temporarily subdued and thoughtful, but not distraught.

 

She was young when 9/11 happened. I did not tell her about that for several years. I felt she had no frame of reference. For her, an evil, bad person was someone who didn't wait their turn in line or who shoved another child down on the playground. I waited until I felt that she was a bit more mature, and then eased into the subject. At 14, I still have not shown her the footage. I don't think there is anything to be gained by subjecting her to it. I know that someday she will see it, but not while under my watch while she is an impressionable teenage girl.

 

I personally can't watch the footage now. There is nothing I can do but pray, and I'm already doing that. I don't need searing images to be impressed into my brain of parent's incomprehensible pain and suffering. I refuse to let the media manipulate my emotions for ratings. I will continue to pray, shed some tears, and perhaps fast tomorrow or Sunday. It will take a long time for me to process this. I will check in with my dd along the way to see how she is handling it.

[Tap]

DS18 of course.

 

DD14 goes to private school and it was discussed today in class. We live just 20 minutes from the mall where the shooting was a couple of days ago, and we shop there often. It has been an emotional week.

 

DD5...she is the hard one. I had just dropped her off at kindergarten when we found out. :0( The kids were all sitting around the teacher when I left so that image of a class of kindergarteners with their beloved teacher was in my head all day. She understands as much as a kindergartener can, but with the news and discussions going around, it would be nearly imposible to keep it from her. When I said I needed to go shoping yesterday, she calmly and point blank asked me "are you going to the mall where the people were shot?"

[Izzy]

Only my 13 year old. My youngers do not need to know. I have no desire to keep up with it on the news because I don't think I could handle it. I have read little snippets here and there but it would be too hard for me to actually watch it on the news. :(

[Mommy22alyns]

No, absolutely not. They're 9 and 7 and I see no reason at all to tell them about it when it makes me so sick and sad. DH and I were discussing it out of earshot.

[Paige]

Yes, I told my kids. We only touched on it briefly but I knew they would hear about it other places and wanted them to know the truth instead of speculating from what they overhear. I told them that the shooter was angry and sick, that they are safe, their friends are safe, that this is big news because it is so unusual, and I told them if they ever see or hear someone shooting like that then they should run away and find a safe person or place. I think my kids feel better about bad possibilities when they think they have a plan. It's not much different from what I tell them about child abductors, "tricky people," fires, robberies, etc. I tell them to never go with someone, to kick, scream, bite if someone is trying to take them somewhere, to run or get away quietly if possible, to hide if running is not an option (of course, not with fires/natural disasters!), to never, never try to attack a grown up when running or hiding are choices, to never keep secrets and tell a parent or trusted grown up if someone is acting funny or asking them to do something wrong. I don't want to scare them unnecessarily, but I don't want them to freeze because they don't know what to do either.

[Arcadia]

he came home blissfully unaware. If I can I will keep it that way.

 

Bill (who will aim for news black-out)

 

News was saying that it was discussed in some local schools. Honestly I would rather be the one telling my kids than a teacher.

http://www.sfgate.com/education/article/Bay-Area-teachers-break-sad-news-to-kids-4120388.php

[Oakblossoms]

I tried talking to my oldest. He is turning 16 next month. He asked me not to tell him these things. He was very upset by it. I opened my mouth before I thought about it. He has been such an adult lately and we sit and talk a lot. I didn't think about how painful it would be.

 

I actually very seldom watch the news anymore. I actually did a quick search online because I saw mention of earthquakes in Cali and we have family there. Then I clicked on the link for the story. Then I checked out the news.

 

I used to watch the news and even enjoyed reading the paper. At some point, I think around my third child I got really sensitive to it. My husband actually "doesn't let me" watch the news. He just hates seeing how painful it is for me.

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

Mine are older, of course, but I did make a point of talking with my son about it. One of our local high schools (which is attended by a couple of his friends) has been on lock-down twice this week because of threats on Facebook, and I was concerned that he might hear about that and the CT tragedy and not get enough details to sort through what happened where. (He has a tendency to pay only half attention when the news is on and miss things.)

 

He had heard about the local lock-downs but only the sketchiest of details about CT.

 

I couldn't come up with anything profound to say. It's horrible beyond words, but, sadly, nothing new.

[mlbuchina]

No.

[twoxcell]

They already watched the news with me this morning. Well at least my older two. We are always discussing current events.

[readinmom]

Yes, I have to... Both dc are in public school. Both superintendents sent out phone calls about how safe our schools are, but even I, as a teacher, know that if someone really wants something, they'll find a way...unfortunately

 

Prayers to all.

[violamama]

Nope. And I'm hoping they don't go into details at church.

[meggie]

Not at all. I've already been concerned w/ my oldest's anxiety. I worry that he would not handle it well at all. We don't have TV and he hasn't seen anything about it.

 

And I have a lot of anxiety and I'm staying away from it. It's bringing back too many memories of Columbine. I just can't go there since having children. I just can't imagine it being them.

[meggie]

I tried talking to my oldest. He is turning 16 next month. He asked me not to tell him these things. He was very upset by it. I opened my mouth before I thought about it. He has been such an adult lately and we sit and talk a lot. I didn't think about how painful it would be.

 

I actually very seldom watch the news anymore. I actually did a quick search online because I saw mention of earthquakes in Cali and we have family there. Then I clicked on the link for the story. Then I checked out the news.

 

I used to watch the news and even enjoyed reading the paper. At some point, I think around my third child I got really sensitive to it. My husband actually "doesn't let me" watch the news. He just hates seeing how painful it is for me.

 

I'm not allowed to watch the news either. Ever since having children, I really cannot tolerate hearing about children being abused. And not in a, "If I ignore this, maybe it will make it go away," type of thing. But a hysterical crying for hours at the pain that child had to endure.

[Elfknitter.#]

Here is the Scholastic News version.

http://sni.scholastic.com/top-news/2012/12/A-Tragedy-in-Connecticut?cid=SN/e/20121214///CTadvice//////&ym_MID=1455116&ym_rid=19428600

 

I used it as a template to decide what to say. I said there was bad news today. Somebody shot twenty people and they died. This is a very rare that these things happen, only a few times ever. Obama told the mayor of that town he would try to help. (We recently followed the election so I followed Scholastic's lead that maybe a familar name would help.)

 

 

Thank you for this link. I mentioned it very briefly to ds 7 today. His response was that it was a very sad thing and then moved on to discussIng other topics. Dd 9 heard it mentioned in passing, but I haven't discussed it with her yet. We discuss all kinds of this with our children, but do try to keep it brief and age appropriate.

[Onceuponatime]

I'm not sure what there is to talk about. Stuff like this happens pretty regularly. I'm feeling pretty numb these days. Hopefully that doesn't sound horrible, but I'm being honest.

 

On NPR this morning there was a story of a guy in China who broke into a school and stabbed 20 or so little kids (none of them died). And then now this. After awhile...man I just kinda go to my happy place in my imaginary bubble. *sigh*

 

 

 

This is how I've been feeling. I can't help but think that at least that many children around the world are dying horrible deaths every day. We "wake up" and want to take action when it happens in our bubble. So quickly it is becoming political and that nauseates me. Everytime something like this happens I think, "you can't prevent insanity, it will find a way that sane people don't think of."

 

I will just take things as they come with my kids.

[delaney]

I don't mince words or hide stuff with my kids. I give it to them straight, answer questions, move on. After the DC sniper I just don't see how keeping them in the bubble will help them. This is life now in America.

[Durriyyah]

I had DD1 watch the President's address regarding the incident and talked about the crime a bit. I also reminded her that we mustn't forget crimes happen all over the place around the world and we should pray for them and try to assist whenever possible. I've been wanting to get her more involved with world affairs for a little while now because I think it would be a positive thing for her to be passionate about something more important than TV and movie gossip.

[DawnM]

I am a very straight shooter with my kids too. I give them facts as they stand and tell them it is ok to FEEL whatever they are feeling, it is also important for them to act if they can......help, pray, give, etc......

 

I hope they never live in fear. Things happen. Things MAY happen to them. Chances are, they won't, but they can.

 

Dawn

 

I don't mince words or hide stuff with my kids. I give it to them straight, answer questions, move on. After the DC sniper I just don't see how keeping them in the bubble will help them. This is life now in America.

 

[3Blessings]

Dd5 heard about it on our Christian radio station about 2 seconds after I turned the car on. Sigh. But when we discussed it in general, vague terms at dinner with all three kiddos, it provided us an opportunity to pray for the people and families. We don't have TV, but if we did I would probably keep it off. I don't want to keep my kids from the world, but I don't think they have to be immersed in it, either.

[wonderchica]

I saw several Facebook posts today about parents discussing it with their (IMO) very young children because the children saw the parents "crying their eyes out". I'm talking as young as 3. One family's Elf on A Shelf wrote their 3 and 4 year olds a letter about it. Of course, the letter was posted on Facebook. I think that's all way over the top.

[brehon]

I've talked about the shooting with my 11 yo, but not any of the others. Ds11 saw reports of it when dh turned on PBS Newshour last night. We'll probably talk with the 9 & 8 yo's today because they'll hear more than likely about it at CFF and/or Mass tomorrow.

 

We're also planning a massive bake-a-thon today. Because of work I'm behind on my Christmas baking. Hopefully, the good times we have baking cookies will help with any emotions they might have. It'll at least help me. <sigh>

[Homemaker]

My kids are 7, 5, and 4. They have no idea about it and I hope to keep it that way. I am hoping they don't go into it a bunch at church tomorrow. I see no benefit in telling them, at this young age, that a bunch of kids their age were shot and killed.

[jenL]

Dh and I are tossing around what to do because we know the kids will probably hear about it at church tomorrow since there are so few homeschoolers at our church. I would rather they hear it from us vs. other kids or another adult. I would much rather keep them unexposed to it, but the reality is it happened, and unfortunately, this is the world we live in now. :crying:

[Tammyla]

We all watched the news yesterday at lunch time. If they were little ones, I'd shelter them from it if possible.

[KrissiK]

No. My kids are pretty young and we live pretty far away. They have no need to know. I change the radio station when the news comes on.

[Parrothead]

When I talked to dd last night she said she is going to just homeschool college on the computer. I wish I didn't have to tell her, but her friends are going to know and I didn't want her blind-sided away from home.

[kalanamak]

He brought it up to me. He listens to the news on the radio while I'm at work.

 

Kiddo has never been horrified of the horrible, and greatly admires people who respond to disasters. At one point, about age 5, he had a magazine cover on his door which showed an Indian officer holding a bloodied child. He loved that policeman! Here he is:

 

http://www.flickr.co...020/3064291325/

 

And from him I took the lead. We talk about the terrible things, but I always point out the rescue, the act of humans working together, the bravery. It appears there was a lot of brave at the school. That will be, I think, kiddo's lasting, silent, subconscious memory.

HTH

 

ETA: since I work with the often violently insane, and there was a murder and a near murder on my ward just this year, it is VERY important I place an entirely brave face on mental illness, for I think he *would* worry about me if I showed how worried I actually was.

[Trilliums]

I'm not sure what there is to talk about. Stuff like this happens pretty regularly. I'm feeling pretty numb these days. Hopefully that doesn't sound horrible, but I'm being honest.

 

On NPR this morning there was a story of a guy in China who broke into a school and stabbed 20 or so little kids (none of them died). And then now this. After awhile...man I just kinda go to my happy place in my imaginary bubble. *sigh*

 

 

I didn't even want to talk about it with DH who brought it up when he came home from work.

[Word Nerd]

I don't mince words or hide stuff with my kids. I give it to them straight, answer questions, move on. After the DC sniper I just don't see how keeping them in the bubble will help them. This is life now in America.

 

I don't think those of us who are more selective about how and what information we share with our kids are necessarily keeping them in a bubble. For me it's more a matter of taking time to choose my words carefully and consider what details my daughter needs to know.

[happyhomemaker]

Nope. And I'm hoping they don't go into details at church.

 

Oh no, I didn't even think about exposure in church.

 

My kids are currently quarantined upstairs with the flu so they haven't seen any tv or talked to friends. If they find out, we will talk about it, but I'm not going to sit down and tell them. Lately dd has developed a fear of going to ps (we aren't planning to send her- she just mentioned it the other day) because her friends tell her all about the fights that go on at school. I can't imagine what her reaction to the shootings would be. I don't want her to be scared to go if the need to send her should arise.

[DaffodilDreams]

Not unless she somehow finds out about it. I'm not going to bring it to her attention, though.

[Farrar]

I did some soul searching about this last night. For the first time that I can remember about a news event, I decided not to talk about it with them and purposefully shield them from it. I switched off the beginning of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me this morning so they wouldn't hear the news at the start. We have always just let them hear the news and talked about it in a kid-appropriate way as needed, so this feels weird to me. But this was just too much - too scary, too targeted toward kids, just too much.

[DawnM]

My boys were at a Youth Group event last night and they opened with a discussion and prayer for the victims' families. Granted, this was meant for 6th-12th graders, but my 3rd grader was with us as we were there too.

 

My guess is that it WILL be mentioned tomorrow from the pulpit and possibly in Sunday School classes, if not from leaders, from other kids.

 

Oh no, I didn't even think about exposure in church.

 

My kids are currently quarantined upstairs with the flu so they haven't seen any tv or talked to friends. If they find out, we will talk about it, but I'm not going to sit down and tell them. Lately dd has developed a fear of going to ps (we aren't planning to send her- she just mentioned it the other day) because her friends tell her all about the fights that go on at school. I can't imagine what her reaction to the shootings would be. I don't want her to be scared to go if the need to send her should arise.

[acablue]

SO is talking to Nathan right now. He picks up on everything (in this case, parents talking at the hockey rink), and won't let it go. The other kids don't have a clue and we're going to keep it that way.

[Soror]

No, I don't see it coming up at our house. If it did I would be as honest as possible but we are not out running around much, we've been sick and I have a newborn. We don't have tv, so the only access to news is the internet and if they are on it then they are not on news sites.

[Soror]

 

I don't think those of us who are more selective about how and what information we share with our kids are necessarily keeping them in a bubble. For me it's more a matter of taking time to choose my words carefully and consider what details my daughter needs to know.

I agree, I do not hide things from my kids or keep them in a bubble. However, I don't see it naturally coming up in our lives. I do not think our 24/7 global news is very healthy for adults or kids. We really don't need to know every horrible thing that happens. I am honest about life and death and such but I don't see the point of bringing this into conversation for my kids who are 8, 5, 3 and newborn.

[delaney]

 

I don't think those of us who are more selective about how and what information we share with our kids are necessarily keeping them in a bubble. For me it's more a matter of taking time to choose my words carefully and consider what details my daughter needs to know.

I never said you were. I choose my words carefully. Don't read into it please.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I read this this morning and thought it was a brilliant way to address situations like this. It's from Mr. Rogers--one of my childhood heroes.

 

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." -- Mister Rogers

 

 

I love this.

[myfunnybunch]

I hadn't really planned one way or the other, but my ds9 happened on me reading about it and asked me why I had tears in my eyes. I told him I was really sad, and why. He asked why the man did that, and I said I didn't know, but that there was something very wrong with the man for him to do such an evil thing.

 

Then he thought for a second and said, "I bet their moms are really sad." Then I started to cry again, and told him that's why my heart hurts so much right now, for the mommas whose hearts are broken, and it was okay to be sad about it. It just means that we have a sensitive heart for people who are suffering.

 

He didn't seem to be frightened or traumatized. Maybe because he doesn't go to school, he doesn't really see this as something that could happen to him. But he's my thinker, so I am sure he'll be asking questions and thinking about this more.

 

Cat

[kitten18]

Here is the Scholastic News version. http://sni.scholastic.com/top-news/2012/12/A-Tragedy-in-Connecticut?cid=SN/e/20121214///CTadvice//////&ym_MID=1455116&ym_rid=19428600 I used it as a template to decide what to say. I said there was bad news today. Somebody shot twenty people and they died. This is a very rare that these things happen, only a few times ever. Obama told the mayor of that town he would try to help. (We recently followed the election so I followed Scholastic's lead that maybe a familar name would help.) We talked about it happened. It almost never happens, only two or three times. It was very sad. I did not say it was at school or that it was kids. He might hear about it (check the siggy- he's in half day pre-k), and he might hear it on the morning news if they're still talking about it on Monday. The hubby watches the news getting ready for work.

That's very good. Thanks.

 

I can't decide what I'm going to do. DD has Nutcracker today and she will be in a dressing room for 5+ hours with a dozen other girls. I don't know if I should tell her something first or hope that it doesn't come up. I can see the girls not talking about it but I'm afraid the moms will be and she will overhear.

[WiseOwlKnits]

We talked about it. Adults were talking about it yesterday in the line to see Santa and they heard.

 

I left it at "people sometimes do bad things that we don't understand." and pointed out the ways that this isn't likely to happen to them - they're homeschooled, we're no where near the city/state where it happened, etc, the man who did it can't ever hurt anyone again.

[SJ.]

No, I wil not be discussing this incident with my children. My boys are 6 and 8, I feel no need to bring this up to them and I don't believe they will come across it themselves. I do not feel this is keeping them in any sort of bubble, nor do I feel this incident is something they need to know. What happened yesterday was a senseless tragedy. With instant access to news horrific incidents feel closer to home but the reality is they are rare.

[Audrey]

We always have CBC Radio on, so ds heard it. He is a pretty sensitive kid when it comes to things like this. He had some very interesting questions followed by some very blunt, but pragmatic suggestions. We had a very good discussion on culture, society and mental illness.