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laf919

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Everything posted by laf919

  1. I have recurrent major depressive disorder - so here are some comments from my experience with this..... 1. If the depression is mild, then 30 minutes of walking outside every day can be just as effective as anti-depressants in lifting one out of depression. If the depression is moderate to severe, it might help but probably won't be enough on its own. So it is good to encourage some exercise and outside time, but be aware that the reason it can really help some folks and not help others at all may be due to how severe the individual's depression is. 2. Blood work can give a baseline and also point out things like thyroid disorder, anemia, low vitamin D or B, etc. that can result in depression. Obviously if one of these is the reason for the depression, treating the underlying cause is important. A good psychiatrist will, in my opinion, want to see recent blood work in order to effectively treat depression. 3. If the blood work is normal and the depression is moderate to severe and not resolving with talk therapy of some sort when there is a good relationship with the therapist, antidepressants can be very helpful. It is important to remember that there are 3 neurotransmitters that, when they go haywire, can cause depression (serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine). Depression can be caused by problems with one, two, or all 3 of these - and the different anti-depressants work on different neurotransmitters. This means that the first anti-depressant that a psychiatrist prescribed might not work - because it is still a bit of trial and error to figure out which one will work. So - don't get discouraged or give up on medication because the first one doesn't work. A good psychiatrist will be able to ask questions about symptoms and have a decent idea of which neurotransmitters are off, but trying different medicines and doses is still necessary. Just because the first one doesn't help doesn't mean that the next one might not either. 4. For me, depression is a medical illness like diabetes or high cholesterol. It has a chemical cause and medicine is the only way that I can pull out of it. Walking, therapy, watching what I eat can all help a bit - and as my depression starts to lift after an episode, they are very helpful - but on their own it is not enough. I need the medications to help get those neurotransmitters back in line so I can function normally. Medication is life-saving for me and for many with depression. Without it, I would slide into a depression so deep that I would need to be hospitalized - and I do not believe there should be any shame in using it when it is needed. Hope this helps - feel free to ask more questions if you have them - either here or in a pm.
  2. Another suggestion for you - to help you be the best mother you can be - is to look for a Licensed Clinical Social Worker to help you with making decisions about what to do. I have been in talk therapy off and on for many years, and it can be very helpful, but when I was so very overwhelmed with life at one point I wound up seeing a Social Worker. She did not do talk therapy but helped me make a list of all that was going on and then prioritize what to address first and plan how to do that. She also held me accountable to following the plan and adapting it as needed. It was a great help - and, since you sound so sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, someone like that who will help you through the decision making process of what to do - for dd and for you (sleep, self-care, taking care of other children, etc.) could be of great help. Thinking of you - I agree, you are a great mom. Hope the afternoon out playing was rejuvenating for all.
  3. As a pastor, I agree with letting your pastor know ahead of time and being clear that you would welcome him to quietly but firmly say something to your stepMIL to get her to stop if she tries to start. I frequently remind people as we are discussing and planning significant life events (baptisms, weddings, even funerals) that if there is the potential for a family member to do something crazy, I really like knowing that ahead of time. As the pastor, I'm happy to deal with inappropriate behavior like this - but it is much easier for me to do so if I know to be watching for it. This is particularly true of family situations where your words might be ignored - which it sounds like stepMIL might just ignore what you tell her - and I am happy to enforce rules and take the heat if that is necessary.
  4. I second the Wet Brush! Seriously great brush and makes it so much easier to deal with the tangles. I just ordered a 2 pack on Amazon after being introduced to them by a cousin at a family reunion. Well worth it!
  5. Orthodox6 - my apologies - I was posting late at night after several hours in the sun at a swim meet and my brain was not working so well. If I remember correctly, the Orthodox often have special baptismal services (not part of the normal Sunday worship of the community) and that is what I was thinking of - not them being private. But I mis-wrote and I am glad you corrected that. In the Presbyterian tradition, baptisms most often happen in the middle of a normal Sunday worship service, and what I meant to say was that in the Catholic and Orthodox traditions, baptisms often/always are a separate service of worship.
  6. I am a Presbyterian pastor, as is my husband, and I have never heard of honorariums for baptisms. For Presbyterians, at least, baptisms are celebrated in the context of weekly services of worship - not as private services like in Catholic or Orthodox traditions - and are a part of what the pastor is paid to do. If you really want to say thank you, I would suggest giving a donation in the pastor's honor to a charity you know he supports - in honor of him and your child's baptism. If you really want to do something, I think you could give an honorarium - but I have never known a Presbyterian pastor who would expect that. And I know lots and lots of Presbyterian pastors! FWIW, when I have been the pastor of a congregation, I have never kept the honorariums from weddings or funerals for church members. Usually they have gone into a Pastor's Discretionary Fund that I then used to help those in need, or were used for professional expenses (lunches with members and such). I also never set a fee for members and told them I didn't expect anything - doing weddings and funerals for members was part of the job description. For non-members, however, I have always had set fees for weddings and funerals, and those were for my personal use as doing non-member weddings and funerals was not part of my job description. I would not have expected to be paid an honorarium for what you describe, however, and I have at times spent many months preparing someone for baptism.
  7. My elementary did something similar to this - we had weekly learning contracts for math and language arts and met with the teacher in small, ability-based groups a few times a week (I think it was close to daily in 1st grade, once a week for longer in 5th). The rest of the math and LA time was for independent work based on the learning contracts. I did something similar with my 3rd grader this last semester. She had a weekly plan that I gave her each week that listed what needed to be done. The first section was independent work, the second section listed work "with Mom." She was always allowed to ask for me to go over independent work if she got stuck - but the responsibility for doing the work by Friday was with her. Of course, we looked at her list during the week and talked through what to do when so she would finish the list by Friday - I think you would need to help the kids learn to use the list for it to work (most lower elementary kids aren't going to be able to take a weekly list and plan their own time with no guidance). But, I found it a great way to balance things and give my dd some control over her own learning. HTH.
  8. Another angle you might try in the discussing it directly vein is the effect of her kids' behavior on your kids. I know especially when my kids were young, being exposed to other kids who lived by very different standards when it came to rules could be confusing and cause problems. You might see if working from this angle would help - something along the lines of, "We are really working on table manners with our kids right now. It is confusing to them to see your kids climb on the table and grab food because they are not allowed to do this." Sometimes, I have found it helps to turn things around and phrase it in a way of helping your kids - sometimes not, and that is when I sigh a lot!
  9. cream of wheat with orange juice. I had problems with anemia in my 2nd pregnancy and eating a big bowl of cream of wheat with OJ to drink for breakfast each day raised my iron counts significantly in about a month. Remember that whatever food source you use, pair it with vitamin C to get better iron adsorption.
  10. This is interesting, because I have MCT Island and used it with my 3rd grader this last semester - we have finished everything except Sentence Island and have 2 chapters left of that to finish in the fall (we started in January). I would consider even Island to be far above the level of Aesop's - at least Aesop's I (I bought the whole set but haven't looked at II-IV much yet). YMMV - I find it fascinating and enlightening to see what other folks combine and such. I am thinking that I would add in some spelling - as she taught herself to read and basically skipped formal phonics. Her spelling is good considering that, but could use some work. Aesop's is really great for her - the reading level is right at where she is now, she knows many of the vocab words but can't easily define all of them - so that is a bit of a challenge but doable (not frustrating to a perfectionist child) - and the other exercises are formalizing much of what she's inferred on her own - building a good foundation. My real question is whether I should leave well enough alone, she's only first grade, do what she enjoys and don't worry about it - or add, thus increasing the challenge level some (in that we would cover more material). Sometimes it's hard to know exactly how to challenge these kids!
  11. I would start with some of the basic activities from the Activities for the AL Abacus book from RightStart and then add in card games. Many of the beginning activities can be done with just the abacus and a white board and marker and you could easily present them as game-like - but those are better at teaching the strategies for understanding addition. The games book is for reinforcement and fun practice. Having used both, I wouldn't want to just do the games, because the explanation in the Activities book are so key - but that is me. FWIW, we did some of the Activities book and games for k math with my oldest - it is a great foundation. She loved worksheets, so I got the worksheets book and copied and used them with her - but you wouldn't need the worksheets unless you just wanted them - you could easily write things as necessary on a white board or on blank paper. The worksheets are fairly short - only 10 problems each if I remember right - which makes them a bit more appealing to the younger set. Also, the Activities book goes up through long division and fractions - so you could use it with the games to do quite a bit more than just 1st grade math if the system was working for you. We've switched to Beast Academy now and love it, but when I bought the RightStart materials, I was planning to use them through 4th grade or so, and I still think that you could do that effectively if they worked for you and your child.
  12. how complete do you consider it? Would you add to it for language arts or see it with lots of free reading as enough for 1st grade? Background that might help - this is for my dd6. She did ps for k this last year, reads at about a 2nd grade level but is much closer to age-grade in writing abilities. I got it to do with her over the summer for fun and she is enjoying it - so we will stick with it as long as the enjoyment continues as it is a fun thing for us to do together. We are debating hs for fall - and as I think through options and plans and such I am wondering if I could use this as the base or key part of language arts or if you think I'll want more. She loves to read and is currently working through the American Girl books - if we hs'ed her in the fall, I would also assign some reading each week and let her read her choice of books as well. Just thinking through possibilities and wondering if anyone has advice. TIA.
  13. One thing to know about dementia in its various forms is that quite often patients will be relatively stable for awhile at one stage - and then suddenly, just when everything is worked out smoothly, they will shift dramatically into another stage. I have a member at my church who was caring for her husband at home and all was well this time a year ago. He started to slip some last September and ended up spending most of February and part of March in an adult psychiatric unit because he was suddenly so confused and combative and she could not keep him at home - she couldn't keep him safe. He is now in an Alzheimer's unit that is wonderful for him. One thing that is important to remember with dementia patients is that you don't want to argue with them more than absolutely necessary. They can become combative quite quickly - probably because they have such trouble/inability to remember things and life is frustrating. In the care facility where the husband I mentioned above is, for example, they have snacks available 24 hours a day - so that if a patient is sleeping at dinner time they can sleep and get something to eat when they wake up - even if it is 2 a.m. They try to allow them to do what they want as much as possible - his wife says that he and his roommate wear the same size shoes and often put each others' shoes on - the caregivers don't worry about it unless one of them is upset. Trying to force them to change shoes, for example, tends to just start an argument for no good purpose. So, as your family thinks through care for this loved one, think about 1. around the clock care. Your MIL will need to keep relatively normal sleep schedules for her health. Having someone who can stay with him at night and be up all night if necessary is important. 2. How to set up his environment so he can do what he wants safely - kind of like childproofing. Take away anything dangerous - or lock it up securely. Even things like bleach - because there's no telling what him might try. Tools of all sorts are also a concern. 3. Flexibility and patience. These are key. Try to get in the habit of acknowledging what he says without necessarily agreeing/promising things. For example, if he says he wants to go visit somewhere from his childhood and that is not possible, instead of saying no and trying to convince him of why not, say "that's an interesting idea. Maybe we can look into that. What would you like to see there?" Most likely, he won't remember the conversation later - but you've helped him stay calm in the present moment. HTH. Also - I have some experience working with families who have faced this in the US. Feel free to pm me if you have other questions - I am not an expert by any means, but I'd be glad to give you my opinions!
  14. My best friend growing up had a LD - not sure which one but sounds similar to what you have described in your ds. I don't remember all the accommodations she received, but I do know that she had someone to read all of her tests to her, and someone to write down answers for some types of problems. This person was an aide, not the teacher - her test paper was then handed in to be graded like the others. Anyway, if you are going to talk to the teacher about different ways to test, I thought that idea might help. Also, not sure about ow the regents exams work, but I know my friend was able to receive similar accommodations on the SAT's and such. For the SAT's, she had to take it once without and then received permission for a non-standard administration - but her scores went from about 500 (combined) to about 1200 - so the work getting the accommodations definitely paid off. And, FWIW, she now has a masters degree in education and is a fantastic school teacher - so, while high school and college were work, she has long-term success. :grouphug: to you and your ds.
  15. My dad has a condition where the bottom of his esophagus is narrow and it can make it hard for him to swallow. The dr. has gone in several times with a balloon to expand and stretch the muscle to try to help. I can't remember what it's called right now, but might be worth checking out with a doc.
  16. Just to throw out another option, I will share what we are planning with my dd who is also 9 and will be 4th grade in the fall. She loves Beast Academy, and so we are sticking with it for now. We finished through 3C this year (afterschooling in the fall and then started homeschooling in January), so in the fall we will start 3D and then keep moving forward. I know we will run out of books probably - but I have decided to stick with the program she loves for as long as we can. I also bought Time Travel Math from Prufrock this spring and we will use that to fill in as necessary - and I am willing to purchase some other enrichment books to fill in for the future. As I understand it, BA is written so that students who complete it will be ready to do pre-algebra next - in 6th grade. To me, that is plenty advanced for math and am willing to let her be a bit "behind" using a high-quality curriculum that she loves because it means no hassle over math for me. So, I would encourage you to consider your time and hassle level - particularly with 2 youngers starting school soon - as you make your decision. One of the lessons I have learned in coming back to homeschooling (we also did K at home with dd) is that I can't do everything ideally all the time - I have another child and a part-time job and other things that also need my attention. High quality programs that get done without fighting are worth doing, in my experience.
  17. I know several women who have had similar symptoms and a year or so on birth control pills has straightened it out. From what I have seen, taking Aleve before needed also is quite helpful. Definitely find out more about the cyst - that could be part of it or it could be nothing. I had horrible problems with my cycles when I was a teen and in my early 20's - not as bad as your dd, but bad enough. I finally realized that part of mine was a reaction to extreme stress - my symptoms improved when I started eating better, exercising regularly, and sleeping a reasonable amount. I know teens often keep crazy schedules, but it might be worth trying those things in general - even if it doesn't help this, learning to balance oneself in a healthy way is an important life skill that I wish I had learned earlier.
  18. For future reference sake, the UCC is the union of 4 separate denominations that were all regional, congregational churches. Much of how liberal the UCC congregation is close to you is dependent on which preceding denomination the individual congregation was a member of. This doesn't hold true across the board, of course, but is helpful. If anyone really wants to know more, I'll dig out my church history notes. The north-east UCC is very liberal (all of my UCC gay clergy friends are in the northeast), but there is a large, gay-friendly UCC church in Texas, and 2 in Southern Illinois. I imagine there are more not-so-gay friendly UCC churches in places like Texas and the rural midwest and south, but there are others. With any congregational church, you have to understand that their polity means that the local congregation has total control over the life of the congregation - so individual congregations can be as liberal or conservative as they want - the statements of the denomination are guiding but not anything a congregation has to agree with. (The same is generally true of Baptist congregations - there are still a few quite liberal Southern Baptist congregations - although the SBC and more local associations have been trying to drive them out. The American Baptists are more liberal - not as much as some UCC and PC(USA) and Episcopal, but there could be exceptions.) In relation to the OP, this means that in congregational or baptist churches, they can ordain who they want (the UCC does require more approval from the district in this regard for pastors) - in other polity systems (bishops, for example - Methodist, Catholic or presbyterian - PCUSA) the larger governing body must agree to a change before new groups can be ordained. This means that changes are slower to come - but are more widely accepted when they happen. Anyway, also wanted to post and say I am sorry I have no idea about denominations in Australia. So, OP, I am not much help! I do know that the PCUSA's partner church in Australia is the Uniting Church in Australia. You might look into their congregations in your hunt, although I can make no guarantees. Best wishes in your search!
  19. really like them. The kids love frozen applesauce.
  20. Side effects are definitely worse the longer you are on it - I had to do a 25 day taper one time for severe asthma - it was hell. A few days to week, however, is no big deal - some sleeplessness, some extra hunger, moodiness, but not too bad. Watch for the psychological symptoms, for sure, but I wouldn't worry to much. The benefits of it are so great when it is needed....
  21. Congregational/UCC, depending on where you live (I have several gay friends who are also UCC pastors). Also, some PC(USA) churches will fit your statements - again, depending on where you are and the local church. Both my husband's congregation and mine would welcome you and your beliefs. We are of the liberal end of the PC(USA) and have worked for full inclusion of GLBT folks since high school. If there's a PC(USA) congregation close to you and you want help figuring out if it would be a good fit, feel free to pm me and I can do some sleuthing out for you.
  22. When I graduated (back in the dark ages, ha ha) we had fruit, veggie, and cheese/cracker trays and then a cake. If your son would rather have brownies, make them instead. I don't think you have to serve a meal - especially if you make it mid-afternoon or something. And I agree, take pictures, have fun, and don't stress!
  23. If you are planning to do the arch, you can now make reservations ahead of time on the web for tickets to go up.....see ticketsforthearch.com for more info on that and other riverfront attractions. The Magic House is fun - but very, very crowded on weekends. We went on a Saturday and my introverted dd's were quite overwhelmed. They have things aimed toward younger kids but also stuff for older ones. The zoo is great. If you are there and wanting something else to do the Science Center is fun. Not as much to do there as other places, but would be a fun place to go for a few hours. Again, as it is free, it will be crowded on Saturday I would guess. Have fun!
  24. So....I could use some objective advice here..... Currently we hs our 3rd grade dd and our kindergarten dd is in ps - finishing next week. I work part-time, and that is the main reason we have kept our younger dd in ps this year (she also has an awesome, awesome teacher - actually a former hs mom - which made the decision easier.) I am not sure who her teacher will be next year and we are trying to decide what to do. We will keep hs'ing our older dd - but she has always been an "easy" child - and goes to work with me one day a week and dh one day a week (we are both pastors working at different churches - dh is full-time and I am part-time and our congregations have been wonderfully supportive of this arrangement). She sits in our offices and works on independent work and fun projects while at work with us and I do most of the direct instruction on the days we are home together. In all honesty, while I would love to keep our younger dd home, I am worried about how to care for her. She is our more demanding child - has always needed more supervision and such - and she is just younger - that makes a difference. I do not think that taking her to work with us like we do our older one would work for us as a family - we would all suffer. However, there are 2 hs'ing families in my dh's congregation who might be willing to work out a swap for childcare for our younger dd. Both have kids close in age to her and she gets along well with their kids and we agree as parents on the basics of how we treat children (discipline, meals, etc.- the few places we don't fully agree we are close enough that I am fine with going with their rules for my kids while they are there. This is key for me) My dilemma - we are on a tight budget. I can't afford to pay much - even though I would love to do so. I have talked informally with these parents (who are friends as well) and they seem open to talking about working something out. What would you suggest for reasonable terms? Younger dd would be with them 1 - 2 days a week. I could swap and care for their kids maybe one day a week but not much more - I need to focus on my kids' schooling when I am not working. This may not work at all - but I want to be sure I am being fair to them and not taking advantage before I suggest anything. Thanks for any input!
  25. For what it's worth, my grandfather re-married twice after turning 60 (the second wife died before him and he remarried again). When he married the 2nd time, he moved into his wife's condo. The condo remained in her name, she paid the mortgage and they worked out between them the other expenses. When she died, he had the right to stay there rent free as long as he did not remarry - but he had to pay the homeowner's association fees and maintenance. When he met his third wife, but before they married, he bought another condo and did the same with her - although this time he owned the property and when he died, she lived there for a few years before moving into assisted living. Again, she was responsible for the homeowner's association fees and assessments and maintenance, utilities, etc. My mom and her siblings did do some touch-ups before selling the unit after she moved out, but it was typical, minor stuff (wash windows, repaint, etc.) So - I don't know the details of how you spell this out in legal documents, but I know it can be done. My grandfather had a clause in his will for his wife to continue to live there - but I am betting there was some other document as well. (he didn't seem to leave things to chance) Of course, we all dearly love my grandfather's widow and she is one of the sweetest, nicest people I have ever met - so there were no qualms about her staying on. We'd gladly still have her there 9 years later if she had wanted to stay that long - so, you may want to handle things quite differently if your step-father is not someone you'd want hanging around.
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