Not sure I want to know...but...do you wake up and make bkfst and lunch for dh?

[texasmama]

No, neither dh or I eat breakfast. I generally make breakfast for the kids. At other times, they get their own simple breakfast.

[KungFuPanda]

Nope, because I married a grown up. We believe that you shouldn't expect others to do things for you that you are capable of doing yourself. If you let them, you become dependent and lose your ability to do things efficiently for yourself and you end up with an adult who feels 'put out' when faced with doing the very basics of self-care. It's not healthy.

 

I DO make all of the meals for my disabled son because he is physically incapable of doing so. Sometimes he helps with kitchen chores he can do from the table, but my stove isn't low enough for him to safely use from a wheelchair. I do tend to make the meals where we eat altogether, like dinner or weekend brunches, but I don't regularly cater to able-bodied folks. It's an expectation I'm unwilling to live with or instill in my children.

[medawyn]

 

Just a question (no judgment of ANY kind), but isn't it just as easy for one person to make everyone breakfast as for everyone to make their own? I quoted you, but this is for anyone for whom everyone in the household makes their own breakfast (not the best sentence, I'm not caffeinated enough, sorry).

 

One reason I cook for everyone is that it leads to less mess to cook one batch of eggs/oatmeal/pancakes/whatever than five batches, and (like I said) I hate cleaning the kitchen any more than necessary. Is it just my lazy aversion to cleaning (and yet I need to have a clean kitchen, I can't stand for it to be messy either, lol) that compels me to cook for the family? I think maybe it is.

 

 

If everyone likes the same thing. :001_smile:

 

In my household, my dh strongly dislikes eggs (I can get away with a small amount in a breakfast burrito), but he needs protein in the morning. That taxes my creativity. On mornings when everyone else gets eggs, he either fends for himself, or I'll make something separate for him. Depends on how awake I am. :tongue_smilie:

 

When I was growing up, my mom made a different breakfast for everyone. This sounds like a lot of work, but neither my brother nor my step-father are morning people. In high school, my brother was a BEAR in the mornings. It saved her a lot of grief to make separate breakfasts, and she actually served them in bed. (I should add, she made breakfast for the two of them. On my trips home, she would point me in the direction of the cold cereal. The perks of being the oldest, the girl, and a morning person!)

 

To the OP: the answer is sometimes. My dh usually eats lunch out at work; he usually has client meetings at least three times a week, and he has one lunch-provided meeting per week. The schedule is unpredictable, and I get tired of sending a lunch that doesn't get eaten. Breakfast is more of a yes, but then again, I'm a morning person, and dh is not. I don't always make fresh breakfast, though; I reheat oatmeal/hot cereal/pancakes frequently on week days.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Heck no. He gets up at 5am. Neither of us at this hour are happy, pleasant people. I do try to make extra meals for him to grab for lunch but he's just as happy to make a pbj sandwich for himself. I know in years past when we both had to be up early for work I did make his lunch but he's a grown man and gets it for himself. And we avoid the grumpy hour and only see each other at the end of the day

[Cinder]

Question: Would you do it if he got up in the middle of the night, like mine does? 3:30 a.m. (and if you still have small kids at home, which I don't but you might)?

 

Mine prefers to go to the gym before eating . . .

 

 

These are issues for us. I don't get up and make dh breakfast or lunch. He has odd hours and travels a lot for work. Often he has to leave home around 4am. If there's nothing to eat in the fridge I'll fry up a couple of eggs for him the night before. When he is home he prefers to exercise first and by the time he's interested in breakfast it's usually lunch time for us.

[Cosmos]

Sure. We all eat breakfast together. No big deal. Eggs are easy. Oatmeal is too. Once a week we have french toast/waffles/pancakes. Cold cereal is for days when disaster falls or is looming... We try to limit processed foods.

DH makes breakfast on Saturdays.

Lunch for him is usually leftovers from dinner the night before and I pack it when I'm cleaning up after dinner.

 

This is pretty much our house. We try to eat around 7:10, before dh heads out the door at 7:30. It doesn't always happen, but it works best when it does.

 

Since dh is showering, etc., I make the breakfast or occasionally ds does. Oatmeal, eggs, toast, maybe pancakes or migas or fried rice. Once in awhile dh will make a batch of biscuits and put them in the oven before taking his shower, but mostly he saves his breakfast cooking for the weekend -- biscuits and gravy, cheese blintzes, and other deliciousness.

[Melissa in Australia]

no.

we made an agreement very early on that I hand milk the cow in the morning and he does the breakfast. as for lunch, it is every man for himself. We don't eat lunch as a family.

[Mrs Mungo]

Nope, because I married a grown up. We believe that you shouldn't expect others to do things for you that you are capable of doing yourself. If you let them, you become dependent and lose your ability to do things efficiently for yourself and you end up with an adult who feels 'put out' when faced with doing the very basics of self-care. It's not healthy.

 

Huh. For me, I got married and now we live in interdependent state. There are things that I take care of for him and there are things that he takes care of for me. It is a weird idea to me for everyone to be living independently in the same house. Not that it's wrong or bad, it's just different. I don't think living interdependently is bad or unhealthy.

[mohop]

Generally, DH is up before me on weekdays and prepares a pot of oatmeal for everyone. On weekends, one morning DH makes pancakes, and the other morning, I make a Dutch baby. For lunch, I usually pack up leftovers for DH the night before while I am cleaning up the kitchen. If there's no leftovers, he will make himself hard boiled eggs for lunch. This is how things have been the past few months, and they are subject to change depending on what's going on in our lives. I know it makes him happy the few times that I get up and prepare things so that he doesn't feel as rushed in the morning, but I am usually awake until 2 a.m. or later studying or working, so that doesn't happen too often these days. I do do tihngs like make DH cups of tea or coffee in the evenings, always prepare dinner, and almost always (95% of the time) clean up after dinner.

[Audrey]

I am challenged to do so. I must say though, I sure could use some inspiration.

 

 

Yes, but it's just habit as I do most of the cooking. Sorry, that's not too inspirational, is it?

[LuvToRead]

Put me in the bad wife category too! DH is usually up around 4, and I am not. I also don't fix him lunch because he eats out everyday. He's usually on the road, so his bosses pay. If he is at the shop during lunch, he just grabs something in town.

[Annie G]

Nope, because I married a grown up. We believe that you shouldn't expect others to do things for you that you are capable of doing yourself. If you let them, you become dependent and lose your ability to do things efficiently for yourself and you end up with an adult who feels 'put out' when faced with doing the very basics of self-care. It's not healthy.

 

I DO make all of the meals for my disabled son because he is physically incapable of doing so. Sometimes he helps with kitchen chores he can do from the table, but my stove isn't low enough for him to safely use from a wheelchair. I do tend to make the meals where we eat altogether, like dinner or weekend brunches, but I don't regularly cater to able-bodied folks. It's an expectation I'm unwilling to live with or instill in my children.

 

 

But you're assuming that dh expects me to make meals for him. He doesn't. I enjoy cooking and he has simple tastes. When I'm gone or too busy, he's quite capable of keeping himself fed. Similarly, he doesn't mind doing laundry and I'm thrilled to no longer have to do it. He's better at it than I ever was, but if I need to, I'm pretty sure I could go back to washing our clothes. Both of us like to do things for each other and it's win-win. If he expected me to do things for him, I probably wouldn't enjoy it very much. I cannot imagine having a relationship like that.

[DawnM]

No way! He gets leftover food from the dinner and puts it in a Tupperware for his next day and makes it himself. Now, I DO make the actually dinner he is reheating the following day.

[Soror]

I pack leftovers for lunch. I'd have to get up by 4:30 to cook bfast and with a newborn that isn't happening. Dh isn't big on bfast anyway I do cook for him on the weekends and for all of us during the week.

[Freckles]

not usually. Dh works nights. He makes breakfast when he gets home. 4 out of 5 days I get breakfast in bed. He is also the resident waffle maker on the weekends. He packs his own lunch from the leftovers we have from the dinner I make. Dinner is the meal I put my efforts into. The kids make their own breakfast and lunch.

[I.Dup.]

Yes, I do. It's one of the most important parts of being a wife.

 

Surely you're being sarcastic... :confused1:

 

Nope, because I married a grown up. We believe that you shouldn't expect others to do things for you that you are capable of doing yourself. If you let them, you become dependent and lose your ability to do things efficiently for yourself and you end up with an adult who feels 'put out' when faced with doing the very basics of self-care. It's not healthy. I DO make all of the meals for my disabled son because he is physically incapable of doing so. Sometimes he helps with kitchen chores he can do from the table, but my stove isn't low enough for him to safely use from a wheelchair. I do tend to make the meals where we eat altogether, like dinner or weekend brunches, but I don't regularly cater to able-bodied folks. It's an expectation I'm unwilling to live with or instill in my children.

 

I agree with this, but this is only because I grew up watching my Dad be completely dependent on my mom for everything. They had a very 50's-esque marriage where she was the good little wifey who served him a hot dinner right as he walked in the door, practically took off his shoes for him and would have wiped his butt if he asked for it. I have spent the last few years in very fundamentalist circles who believe in good wifely submission and I have seen what those men are like (a lot like my Dad...) So I have believed and lived out much of what KungFuPanda listed above. When we married, my dh was a very independent, self serving man who could cook his own meals, do his own laundry and clean to military standards and I wasn't about to take everything over and do it all myself. He also grew up watching his Dad serve his mom just as much as she served him, they were equal partners and I am so blessed that they modeled that for him. I am SO glad he didn't grow up watching his mom slave over his Dad.

 

All of that to say, no, I don't make him breakfast or feel that it's an important part of being a wife. I have been up just about nightly for the last 10 years with our newborns and co-sleeping babies, I have never asked him to get up with a child for the first 2 or so years of their life. I have lost so much sleep and he totally respects my need for sleep. I'm not going to get up at 5am to pour him a bowl of cereal that he can pour himself, and he wouldn't dream of asking me to, thankfully. :)

 

I do handle all of the cleaning, but on just about every other aspect of our life we are equal partners in the work (child rearing, meals, etc) and I have his parents to thank for that.

[cjzimmer1]

Well I do make his breakfast, lunch and iced tea to take take to work every day but no I most definitely do NOT get up to do this. I usually sleep another 1-2 hours after he leaves in the morning and I would simply be nonfunctioning all day if I got up that early. But I make his tea the night before and put it in his Klean Kanteen. I also make up a meal of leftovers in a dish he can heat up for work. For breakfast he eats muffins, quick breads, breakfast burritos etc. all of which I make in big batches 1-2 times a month and freeze. I just pull something out the night before and it goes in the fridge on top of his lunch for the day. If I'm feeling ambitious I will also package a snack for him (fresh fruit, dried fruit, trail mix, cheese and crackers, cookies) but right now I'm barely able to handle making supper each night so he isn't getting many snacks). Anyways, there is a little pile on the top shelf of the fridge for his stuff, in the morning he has to open the fridge, grab the stack put it in his lunch container and he is set for the day.

[Violet Crown]

Sort of. I rarely fix anything for dh, as he doesn't eat breakfast and rarely lunch. How he lives on air has been a mystery to me since we were kids. Middle Girl, who has his slender build, shares his non-appetite.

 

For the rest of us, I make breakfast and squeeze toast, eggs, bananas, and bowls of cereal around the books as he does morning math lessons with the little dd's. And I fix a lunch for Great Girl, who is perfectly capable of fixing her own but loves having this one last mommy/little girl bond (and she says her dorm-living classmates are jealous of her nourishing mom-made lunches).

[Amy in NH]

This should have been a poll.

 

No. DH is a big boy and took care of himself for 20 years before I married him. He gets up at 5ish for work, and the rest of us don't get up until at least 8:30.

[freesia]

No, I don't do either. But I'm great at dinner. LOL (But he also cooks twice a week.)

 

We get up at different times and consider homeschooling a full time job. We are both on house chore/kid duty during before and after work hours.

[Lady Florida.]

:iagree: I'm an adult, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy being cared for by someone else.

 

I definitely agree, but I don't think getting up to make breakfast and/or lunch for him is an important wifely duty. We both do things for each other that we are perfectly capable of doing for ourselves. I think that's important in a relationship. What those things are though, is defined by each individual couple.

[Mrs Mungo]

I definitely agree, but I don't think getting up to make breakfast and/or lunch for him is an important wifely duty. We both do things for each other that we are perfectly capable of doing for ourselves. I think that's important in a relationship. What those things are though, is defined by each individual couple.

 

I can whole-heartedly agree with this. I find comments like, "it is an important wifely duty" and "no, because he is a big boy and can take care of himself" to be equally off-putting. I think one can say, "yes, it's important to him that for him" or "no, he doesn't mind making his own breakfast" and say the same thing without it seeming to put down other people's answers.

[JessReplanted]

No, I don't. He would probably love it, but it just isn't happening.

[Violet Crown]

 

 

I can whole-heartedly agree with this. I find comments like, "it is an important wifely duty" and "no, because he is a big boy and can take care of himself" to be equally off-putting. I think one can say, "yes, it's important to him that for him" or "no, he doesn't mind making his own breakfast" and say the same thing without it seeming to put down other people's answers.

Yeah. This. One of the advantages of marriage is the efficient - in terms of time, ability, and preferences - division of labor. I don't mind fixing breakfast, and he doesn't mind patiently explaining long division or the quadratic formula or the chain rule at a bleary-eyed time of the morning.

[I.Dup.]

I definitely agree, but I don't think getting up to make breakfast and/or lunch for him is an important wifely duty. We both do things for each other that we are perfectly capable of doing for ourselves. I think that's important in a relationship. What those things are though, is defined by each individual couple.

 

I agree. I depend on my dh tremendously, and he depends on me. We do things for each other that each of us could do for ourselves, however, pouring each other's cereal or scrambling each other's eggs at an ungodly hour just isn't one of them. He serves me much more willingly than I serve him, it's a benefit of his incredibly giving personality. He actually enjoys to serve. I do his laundry, make sure he has clean clothes at all times, a tidy house, healthy, well-fed kids, a calm and peaceful home environment (as much as I can), etc, etc. So I absolutely believe in doing things for each other, I just have my limits I guess.

[Lacie]

Dh doesn't normally eat breakfast, when he does I fix it. I usually make his lunch and supper, whatever he asks to eat. He sometimes cooks for the kids, mainly if I am busy. I do almost all of the food prep in the house.

[unsinkable]

Oh dear.

 

The smiley didn't show up in my previous response and it appears my humorous, wry response does not appear humorous or wry without said smiley.

 

 

[JennyD]

Not usually. He works late into the night, the kids and I get up early, and so by the time I send DS2 upstairs to wake him up breakfast is long over and DS7 is well into schoolwork.

 

I do make a hot breakfast for the kids and so if DH happens to be up early, he's more then welcome to join us, but otherwise he makes his own breakfast and on weekdays, deals with his own lunch.

[freesia]

 

Just a question (no judgment of ANY kind), but isn't it just as easy for one person to make everyone breakfast as for everyone to make their own? I quoted you, but this is for anyone for whom everyone in the household makes their own breakfast (not the best sentence, I'm not caffeinated enough, sorry).

 

One reason I cook for everyone is that it leads to less mess to cook one batch of eggs/oatmeal/pancakes/whatever than five batches, and (like I said) I hate cleaning the kitchen any more than necessary. Is it just my lazy aversion to cleaning (and yet I need to have a clean kitchen, I can't stand for it to be messy either, lol) that compels me to cook for the family? I think maybe it is.

We don't do cooked breakfast for breakfast (just lunch sometimes.) I'll get up and have a piece of bread with peanut butter and get something for the 3 year old who also wakes up (usually Cheerios with nuts and raisins or peanut butter and apple.) My oldest ds stumbles down and makes his own oatmeal (in the microwave), my oldest dd usually does toast, my second ds always has Wheaties. Dh usually just has fruit, then exercises, then has grapenuts. So, there are no more dishes than if one person cooks. We all use the same cutting board.

[8circles]

Oh dear.

 

The smiley didn't show up in my previous response and it appears my humorous, wry response does not appear humorous or wry without said smiley.

 

I knew it! :laugh:

[Mrs Mungo]

Oh dear.

 

The smiley didn't show up in my previous response and it appears my humorous, wry response does not appear humorous or wry without said smiley.

 

I hate when that happens. I rely upon the smilies so greatly. ;)

[Ewe Mama]

Baa Haa Haaa Haaaa! I'm still laughing at the idea of getting up early to make him breakfast! The man eats about one meal per week that I cook. He lives on fruit, fiber bars, and rice cakes. I've stopped making "nice dinners" that I think he would enjoy because he won't bother to eat it. I cook for the kids and myself. He is more than welcome to join us, but I've learned to not hold my breath. He sits with us and we all converse, but he has his own bizarre diet that only he knows and follows.

[Mrs Mungo]

Baa Haa Haaa Haaaa! I'm still laughing at the idea of getting up early to make him breakfast! The man eats about one meal per week that I cook. He lives on fruit, fiber bars, and rice cakes. I've stopped making "nice dinners" that I think he would enjoy because he won't bother to eat it. I cook for the kids and myself. He is more than welcome to join us, but I've learned to not hold my breath. He sits with us and we all converse, but he has his own bizarre diet that only he knows and follows.

 

Is he an aspie? I have uncles like that.

[unsinkable]

My non-humorous, non-wry answer is, "Sometimes." If I do it, it's the night before. I'm usually always up with him, tho' and in the winter I sometimes start his car while he is in the shower.

 

He loves and hates it when I Start the car. Loves the warm car, says he hates to have me go out in the cold.

[LuvToRead]

 

I can whole-heartedly agree with this. I find comments like, "it is an important wifely duty" and "no, because he is a big boy and can take care of himself" to be equally off-putting. I think one can say, "yes, it's important to him that for him" or "no, he doesn't mind making his own breakfast" and say the same thing without it seeming to put down other people's answers.

 

I agree with this! My DH doesn't expect me to get up and make breakfast for him. He lived alone for several years, so he was used to it. But, I do make supper every night. I enjoy doing this for him because I love him, not because I consider it a "duty". He would much rather come home to a nice supper than get up to a nice breakfast.

[bluemongoose]

Nope. I would if he wanted me to, but he doesnt. He only wants cereal for breakfast, so he just does his own each morning. We tried the pack a lunch thing, but it just didnt work out for him. It is important for his work team for him to eat lunch with them and they usually eat off campus. He would ask me to make lunch, and then forget that I did or decide to go out with the team, and then we wasted the food. It ended up costing more than if he just bought his lunch at either the campus cafeteria or out, whichever his team was doing that day. Fortunately, most of the team are health conscious, so for the most part this is healthy food, otherwise I would have a hard time with it.

[Soror]

I have been up just about nightly for the last 10 years with our newborns and co-sleeping babies, I have never asked him to get up with a child for the first 2 or so years of their life. I have lost so much sleep and he totally respects my need for sleep. I'm not going to get up at 5am to pour him a bowl of cereal that he can pour himself, and he wouldn't dream of asking me to, thankfully. :)

Yep, totally the same here. I don't ask dh to help with the kids at night for the first 2 yrs or so, except on very, very rare- I'm about to pass out from exhaustion- cases. However, once the kids are 2 and move out of our bed I'm done! I would sure not interrupt a chance to actually sleep for his breakfast, which he doesn't care much about it anyway. It is give and take with everything.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Breakfast - I make for him the night before. He heats it up and eats it in the morning.

 

Lunch - I used to (at his request) pack him leftovers for lunch. He would either forget to take it or would take it and then bring it home again untouched. After I got a week's worth of moldy leftovers back I said "no more". He now just eats at the hospital which is cheap and nutritious (mostly).

[Ewe Mama]

 

 

Is he an aspie? I have uncles like that.

 

No. He used to "be normal" about eating, but after he tried Weight Watchers, he developed that routine and hasn't gotten out of it. I think it's because he has to do business lunches almost every day and he just feels like he has to cut out family meals after dining out to maintain a healthier weight. I know he tries to pick the healthiest options on the menus, but a lot of them still aren't terribly healthy. As long as we are able to be together at the table, we are all happy.

 

 

[TravelingChris]

Well I don't make his breakfast or mine- we both eat a yogurt, and then he has a bowl of cheerios with it and I don;t.. I usually make the coffee for us. I do usually make his lunch but not always- like today, I am not moving too well because I am having an arthritic flare so he is eating lunch from the cafeteria.

[momtokea]

Me? Are you kidding? My bed is too comfortable. Sometimes I don't even hear him get up...

[justLisa]

I do if he wants it. He usually sheepishly asks me for something and then thanks me a million times and tells me how awesomely glorious I am. It makes me like to get him things LOL. He works from home most of the time and doesn't usually have breakfast, just a couple lattes.

 

I am making food a great portion of my life.

[GWOB]

 

 

Ugh, I do not blame you there. That's too early for me!

 

 

I am not pleasant in the morning. Neither is dh. Two grumpy people in the morning just isn't good for our marriage. Now, when dh works nights he leaves around 5:15pm. I usually throw something together for him. If I'm feeling sappy, I'll even pack something sweet. Sometimes he makes me breakfast when he comes home from his night shifts. We each do special things for one another to show our appreciation.

[regentrude]

We all get up and have breakfast together. Whoever is out of bed first makes breakfast - on MWF that is always I, because I have to leave the house at 7:30.

[Wabi Sabi]

Generally speaking dh gets up and makes breakfast for the kids and me before he heads to work. He makes the coffee too. :thumbup:

[5LittleMonkeys]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....oh wait, you were serious?

 

At 5:00 in the morning? No way. I pack his lunch the night before, I make him dinner every night, I cook breakfast on Sat. OR Sun.,and I pre-cook sausage, hard boil eggs, and keep fruit cut up so he can feed himself breakfast during the week. If he ever indicated that he expected more than that he would need to hire a personal chef or find himself a new wife.

 

And I do not consider myself less of a wife because I don't make him breakfast during the week.........okay, I just asked him if he thinks I should make him breakfast and if he thinks doing so is one of the most important jobs of a wife. He said no, that his relationship with me has nothing to do with how often I cook for him. He said he knows men who expect that but that isn't the type of marriage he wants. So, there you go. :)

[GailV]

I definitely agree, but I don't think getting up to make breakfast and/or lunch for him is an important wifely duty. We both do things for each other that we are perfectly capable of doing for ourselves. I think that's important in a relationship. What those things are though, is defined by each individual couple.

 

 

:iagree:

 

We get up at the same time - 5:45 -- and I feed animals and make his lunch and snacks while he gets ready for work. He leaves with a bag full of food, and I eat the leftover guacamole for First Breakfast (he takes guacamole every day).

 

But on the weekends he makes his own breakfast and lunch. Also, sometimes his own supper.

 

FWIW, my love language is service. (There was another thread about that earlier today.) My point is that making his lunch is an expression of love for me since that's my love language; he's certainly capable of making food for himself, but it's my way of showing affection. And I'm thrilled when he vacuums out my car and washes it; I can certainly do those things myself, but I dislike doing it, and he knows it pleases me to have it done.

[texasmama]

Baa Haa Haaa Haaaa! I'm still laughing at the idea of getting up early to make him breakfast! The man eats about one meal per week that I cook. He lives on fruit, fiber bars, and rice cakes. I've stopped making "nice dinners" that I think he would enjoy because he won't bother to eat it. I cook for the kids and myself. He is more than welcome to join us, but I've learned to not hold my breath. He sits with us and we all converse, but he has his own bizarre diet that only he knows and follows.

 

This describes my dh fairly well. He is a picky eater and on a protein shake/fiber bar kick due to his workouts. I don't know how to cook that. lol

 

He will eat the heck out of any grilled or crock pot cooked meat, though.

[Lady Florida.]

Oh dear. The smiley didn't show up in my previous response and it appears my humorous, wry response does not appear humorous or wry without said smiley.

 

Always remember: The smiley is your friend. :D

[Harriet Vane]

I am NOT a morning person. I have never cooked dh breakfast as a regular thing, and he has never expected it of me. (I have, on the other hand, pushed past the morning fog to fix his breakfast on certain big occasions, like if he is interviewing or some such.) I do not see it as a wifely duty because there is nothing in the Bible commanding the making of breakfast. :001_rolleyes: Dh, bless him, gets the kids up, gives them breakfast, and makes me a hot beverage every day.