S/O: Non-income-producing SAHMS

[marbel]

This is a spin-off of the feminism thread.

 

As a stay-home Mom who does not produce any income for my family, sometimes I feel like the last dodo bird - about to become extinct. I know very few SAHMS who don't have some sort of income, and mostly never have since I quit working 15 years ago when my son was born.

 

I'm starting to wonder if that is a function of my environment. I've spent my entire adult life in the US, in large coastal(ish) metropolitan areas: San Jose, CA, Portland, OR, and now Philadelphia, PA.

 

These are typically more expensive places to live in the US (Portland the least of the 3, and the place I knew more SAHMs) than the middle areas of the country. I'd say that most women worked because they needed the income, not because they preferred to work. (Maybe not so much when I was in San Jose - lots of the women I knew there worked to fund a lifestyle though they said they would have preferred to stay home.) For most, work wasn't a choice they made; it was something they had to do.

 

I don't have a quarrel with moms who work, either outside or at home. I don't have a quarrel with anyone! I don't want this thread to become a mommy wars deal. I'm not asking which is best for the mom, the dad, the kids, the dog.

 

I'm just wondering if I am as alone in the world as I feel most of the time.

 

So, non-income-producing SAHMs, where are you?

 

ETA: Non-US people are certainly welcome to join; I'm curious about anyone and any place.

Edited July 13, 2012 by marbel

[Scuff]

I'm non-income producing. We live without some things other people wouldn't, but it's impotant.

[AimeeM]

I'm a SAHM and produce no income :D

[Marylou]

:seeya:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I was producing no income there for a while before the economy started affecting dh's income. Now I babysit full time to make up for the loss, but if things improve, I can see myself quitting babysitting. Although, now I love these babies so much, I might still watch them because I'll miss them! :D

[mamajudy]

I have been a non-income-producing stay-at-home mom for over 25 years.

[Trez]

I'm in that club too. You are right though, there aren't many of us around. While my kids were young there were some but as soon as the kids hit about grade 5, they all went back to work at least part-time.

 

When I initially decided to SAH with my kids, I received some resistance from my mother and my mil. MIL insisted that I say that once my kids were in school I would go back :001_unsure:

 

Luckily, my husband has a well paying job and this is something that I am able to do. Even though some days are hard and we don't have as many things/money as we would if I worked, I feel blessed to be able to do this.

[Mama Geek]

I stay at home with dd and I say that kind of loosely b/c we travel with dh to where he is doing contract work. I worked as a professional for more than 10 years before having kids and that was after a 4 year degree. We have no debt and we having savings, we own our home outright as well as 2 vehicles.

 

Dh and I make raising and educating our dd a very high priority. There are times that dh will go without work for 6 months or a year without work and he loves having that time with me and dd.

 

When dd is old enough we will probably do a small business mostly as part of the eduction we want to give her. I don't see the need for me to work anytime in the near future and I would much rather be with dd than at a desk.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Here.:seeya:

I have been a SAHM for almost 22 yrs and for most of those years have made no monetary income. And yes, I feel like a dying breed. I have been looked down on, thought ignorant, and lazy by people over the years. I love the 'What do you do all day" question I get sometimes or the 'I would love to stay at home and not have to work" comment:glare:

[jrn]

:seeya: I'm a sahm and produce no income.

[elegantlion]

We've been in lower cost of living areas and I've known a lot of SAHMs. I quit working when ds was born. I'd say it's very common. Many woman stay at home, even if their kids are in school. Some go back to work once kids are middle or high school age.

 

Even with a lot of the women who return to work, they do something flexible so family time is still a priority.

 

 

We're very fortunate to have completely slashed our expenses in the last few years as dh has had health and employment issues. If we hadn't, I would have had to return to full-time work. As it is, I'm now working part-time, really part-time, to supplement our school expenses.

[hsmom]

I am a non-income producing SAHM. We both feel I am needed more at home than at work. I prefer it this way anyways. Not that I don't like to work, but I do like being able to do what all is needed for my home and family whenever I am needed.

 

Now if it come to a point I have to work to help support my family I will, but we are not at that point in our lives right now.

[jennynd]

This is a spin-off of the feminism thread.

 

As a stay-home Mom who does not produce any income for my family, sometimes I feel like the last dodo bird - about to become extinct. I know very few SAHMS who don't have some sort of income, and mostly never have since I quit working 15 years ago when my son was born.

 

I'm starting to wonder if that is a function of my environment. I've spent my entire adult life in the US, in large coastal(ish) metropolitan areas: San Jose, CA, Portland, OR, and now Philadelphia, PA.

 

These are typically more expensive places to live in the US (Portland the least of the 3, and the place I knew more SAHMs) than the middle areas of the country. I'd say that most women worked because they needed the income, not because they preferred to work. (Maybe not so much when I was in San Jose - lots of the women I knew there worked to fund a lifestyle though they said they would have preferred to stay home.) For most, work wasn't a choice they made; it was something they had to do.

 

I don't have a quarrel with moms who work, either outside or at home. I don't have a quarrel with anyone! I don't want this thread to become a mommy wars deal. I'm not asking which is best for the mom, the dad, the kids, the dog.

 

I'm just wondering if I am as alone in the world as I feel most of the time.

 

So, non-income-producing SAHMs, where are you?

 

ETA: Non-US people are certainly welcome to join; I'm curious about anyone and any place.

 

I do work full time. But when I lived in Indiana, the ladies on my WHOLE street were stay home MOM, I was the weirdo.

Moving to NY, there are 6 houses on the cl-de-sac, I again am the only Mom works.. So, really stay home Moms are more common than you think

[RegularMom]

I'm a SAHM with no income. I worked full time up until my youngest was 7 months old, and then we talked to a financial planner to figure out how to drop to one income. That was about nine years ago.

 

I write poetry in my spare time, but that doesn't exactly bring in any extra cash. ;).

 

Eventually, when the girls are done homeschooling, I plan on writing full time and getting an MFA so I can teach writing as well. There may be some income from that further down the road.

[LaxMom]

I'm about 90 minutes south of you (OP) and SAHMs are pretty common (or moms who work very part time when the kids are in school).

 

When I was a single, working mom in the Annapolis area, I felt like the oddball with regards to my eldest daughter's elementary school. All of their functions and events were held during business hours.

[Chris in VA]

I was for a few years, off and on. Now I only work to pay off a debt. Wish I didn't have to.

I only know two people (and I know a lot of people) who are non-income producing SAHMs. One will never work, the other may go back part time.

[nono]

Where am I? A couple blocks from the Atlantic Ocean!

 

I haven't earned a paycheck since our children came along. Though, this week, I was almost billable, as my dh had a lot of work and one job I could have done for him, but the client wasn't available when I was. I find this a reality of living in a resort area. Almost everyone has to pitch in at some point. So while there are those of us SAHMs, either our husbands or our friends need help in their businesses, and we get pressed into service. I can't think of anyone here who truly never works.

[athena1277]

I don't have any income and we live just outside Washington, DC, which is one of the most expensive place to live in the US. I know a few others like me in this area. Most of us don't live the lavish lifestyle of some of our neighbors, but our dh's make enough for us to have all our families needs met and enjoy an extra something on occasion.

[Carrie12345]

When my first couple of kids were born, I knew some other sahms. As their kids got older, they started going back to work. As I had more kids, our life still mostly followed the big kid circles; dance class, little league, etc. I didn't have time to hang out with new mammas, who were more likely to sah. So I do credit MY local experience to having two "batches" of kids, if you will.

 

I am not non-income producing because I want to be. If dh had a steady schedule, I'd do something, almost anything, on a part time basis. Not for the money, but for me. I've been home for over a decade. I have a toddler still. The second he and his brother can be responsible at home, I'm doing *something*! Probably college.

[Rhonda in TX]

I am and I'm in the Houston area. I know quite a few non-income producing SAHMs, especially those with preschoolers. Some go back to work at some point when their children go to school, but among homeschoolers, I know a lot that do not produce any sort of income. Houston has a very low cost of living, especially when you're talking about housing.

[4everHis]

I am a non-income producing SAHM. We both feel I am needed more at home than at work. I prefer it this way anyways. Not that I don't like to work, but I do like being able to do what all is needed for my home and family whenever I am needed.

 

Now if it come to a point I have to work to help support my family I will, but we are not at that point in our lives right now.

 

:iagree: We planned from the get-go that I would be a SAHM. I keep our expenses low and go without (no paid haircuts, mani/pedi, new clothes, etc) I don't 'bring home' $$$ I just keep them from going out, as much as possible.

[cassiemc]

I'm here in Atlanta. I haven't worked in 12 years :) We've lived on one income when it was hard and when it was easy. The raising/education of our children is our priority. We do have a pretty great life and I wouldn't change it. I do describe myself as a feminist. This is my choice and I have the freedom to choose it. My daughter is not expected to follow in my footsteps.

[Parrothead]

I'm in this club. I haven't worked for 10 years.

[Wheres Toto]

I've been non-income producing since my son was born. Before that I worked full time for 20+ years out of necessity (different husband), my oldest was 11 before I was able to stay home. We are definitely not in a low cost of living area but dh makes enough that me staying home has never been an issue.

 

I do know a lot of sahm but some of them do babysitting, have part-time jobs or do some kind of party sales (Creative Memories, Pampered Chef type stuff). I'm not sure how many would be truly considered non-income producing.

[Quiver0f10]

I am a non-income producing SAHM, but I believe that I save my family $ by staying home.

[Jeannie in NJ]

I left my job 17 years ago when we adopted our oldest. I don't bring in any income.

[Mom22ns]

We've been in lower cost of living areas and I've known a lot of SAHMs. I quit working when ds was born. I'd say it's very common. Many woman stay at home, even if their kids are in school. Some go back to work once kids are middle or high school age.

 

:iagree:

 

I quit work when my dd was born. I did some freelance and consulting work that was flexible and just to have something adult to do when the kids were little. Now, I consider homeschooling to be my job. No pay, but high reward.

[Davysmom]

nm

[Alison in KY]

I quit my job 13 years ago and have never looked back. The majority of mom's here locally do not work. However, most of them live paycheck to paycheck and are fairly frugal with life.

 

Alison

[bcnlvr]

I'm another one! The returns I create are not financial, they are emotional/mental/spiritual. Can't put a price on that. :001_smile:

 

We also eschew many things that our neighbors "must have". Multiple cars, television, every toy ever made, etc. We don't have a lot of "stuff" and we like it that way. Whenever a toy or new piece of clothing or whatever comes in, one has to go out. :tongue_smilie:

[UmMusa]

I think it is a little regional. I found that I had mostly all SAHM friends living in the burbs of Seattle, but I couldn't find a SAHM to save my life in the burbs of Dallas. (ok, maybe i did know a few but we never became good friends)

 

Don't worry, you're not alone, and I hope it will trend back to being the normal way if it can benefit society in general, ie: moms who want to stay home and provide that base can do that.

[Night Elf]

I do not produce any income and have absolutely no desire to do so.

[kricau]

I am right here LOL

So, non-income-producing SAHMs, where are you?

[kricau]

:iagree:

Don't worry, you're not alone, and I hope it will trend back to being the normal way if it can benefit society in general, ie: moms who want to stay home and provide that base can do that.

[kricau]

Same thing. We live moderatly, and within our means. We don't lack anything we need. But we don't have everything all those other people want :)

We also eschew many things that our neighbors "must have". Multiple cars, television, every toy ever made, etc. We don't have a lot of "stuff" and we like it that way. Whenever a toy or new piece of clothing or whatever comes in, one has to go out. :tongue_smilie:

[ebrindam]

This is a spin-off of the feminism thread.

 

As a stay-home Mom who does not produce any income for my family, sometimes I feel like the last dodo bird - about to become extinct. I know very few SAHMS who don't have some sort of income, and mostly never have since I quit working 15 years ago when my son was born.

 

 

 

We are in NH...and almost all the moms I know SAH (including me!)and don't produce any income! You are definitely not alone!

[Kathryn]

Here I am!

[fairfarmhand]

I have been non-income producing for years. There were a few years when I babysat a couple days a week, and last October, I had an opportunity to make a little money. I really enjoyed it for awhile, but now I am getting tired of it. And the ironic thing is that now I feel like I "ought" to be doing more work.

[kricau]

I have seen alot of people say that they "don't make the money, they save it". That is true for me too. I was brought up by a very savy / thrifty mom. And she passed that wonderful skill to me. I love to find deals, use coupons, and save,save,save LOL

 

We also planned our family around the desire to have me be a SAHM. I worked for 5 years after we were married before we had our first DD. Then I never looked back..... :)

[DawnM]

I worked for almost 17 years and loved my job. In fact, I knew many working moms who LIKED working and did not want to stay at home. I was one of them. My husband is the one who kept pressuring me to stay at home.

 

There are TONS of SAHMs here but there were where we moved from as well.

Edited July 13, 2012 by DawnM

[Mrs. A]

I do not produce any income and have absolutely no desire to do so.

 

Me too. :) I often get asked by friends who work how we can afford having me stay at home (we also get asked how we can afford to keep having kids! :lol:) but the way I see it, it's a conscious choice rather than a luxury that's only for a few to have. Our priorities are usually very different from those of the people who ask me that question.

[Desert Rat]

I was a non-income producing SAHM for 10 years. I loved it! I would still be if the economy hadn't soured so badly. My friends whose husbands were/are in the construction trade like mine have all gone back to work over the last 2 years. My friends whose husbands are in other sectors-firemen, police officers, military, business, have all seen no lifestyle change.

For me, I only work 15-20 hours a week. I clean other people's houses. I don't see a time in the near future when I can quit working and come back home. I used to pine terribly for those days. Now? I guess I find some value in what I do and realize I can't change our situation right now. We live in Vegas where the unemployment rate is still hovering around 12%. But, I'm definitely a 50s housewife stuck in the wrong era!

[edelweiss]

I don't work (quit my career 12 years ago and haven't looked back). Where I live, most of the moms are stay at home. I definitely don't feel like a dying breed here! A few moms I know have very part-time (10 hours a week) jobs, but most do not.

[kwickimom]

I'm in southern IL. Tons of SAHM's here. I make a little bit occasionally babysitting and cleaning a funeral home, but nothing steady. A lot of moms here have gotten side jobs like that or they sub, etc. within the last year or so. The only people that look down on me are my in-laws and they would do that if I worked :001_smile:

 

Even if I put my kids in school it would not be a good financial choice for me to work when it came to paying a sitter for the summer. There are very few jobs here paying over minimum wage and I don't have a college degree.

[trlt]

I'm a SAHM that does not produce income for my family. I am very happy with my role in my family. My DH and I both agree that I am where I need to be. I am very thankful that DH's income is enough that I can be home.

[Amber in SJ]

I stopped producing an income 18 years ago when my dd was born. Before that I taught elementary school for two years on an emergency credential. To the OP: We live in San Jose and while I have found a great group of SAHMs the make up of the group ebbs & flows because usually as soon as the kids are in school the mom gets a job. The extremely high COLA here makes those one income years lean years for most families.

 

Dh & I often talk about our decision to live on one income and what it means for our future. I will be 56 when my baby leaves home. Even if I want to go back to teaching I would have to go back to school. Anything else I would want to do would also require my going back to school. When I am done who would want to hire an almost 60 year old woman who is new in her field?

 

Amber in SJ

[Murphy101]

Well I'm sure people think I keep producing babies so I can make money off the dole.

 

But yeah, count me among the nonproductive SAHMs.:tongue_smilie:

[tmulcahy]

When we first started homeschooling I was determined to continue working as a nurse. It is what I did for 15 years prior to deciding to homeschool. It just did not work here. I was working odd shifts and not getting sleep. It stunk and I was a grumpy grumper. I quit working a few months into the endeavor.

 

When my hubby's pay got sliced by 1/3 a few years ago, I took a job cleaning for a church preschool. It was a job that allowed me to work from about 7-9 in the morning and my kids could stay at home for the small amount of time between my husband leaving for work and me getting home. It worked for a while.

 

I quit the cleaning job few months ago. We left the church and it was getting uncomfortable for me to still work there. Money has been soooo tight. I feel a bit of pressure to do something. I won't go back to odd shifts, ever. God has been faithful, and we are skimming by. So, for now I'll stay home and try to rest in the fact that this is where I am supposed to be.

[*Michelle*]

:seeya:

[Jen+4dc]

I'm here in Atlanta. I haven't worked in 12 years :) We've lived on one income when it was hard and when it was easy. The raising/education of our children is our priority. We do have a pretty great life and I wouldn't change it. I do describe myself as a feminist. This is my choice and I have the freedom to choose it. My daughter is not expected to follow in my footsteps.

This is me, only it's 15 years as of next month and we live in Northern Virginia now. Since I started staying home we have lived in every area of the country (including Hawaii) except for Alaska and the Midwest.

 

I'm a SAHM that does not produce income for my family. I am very happy with my role in my family. My DH and I both agree that I am where I need to be. I am very thankful that DH's income is enough that I can be home.

It's a conscious choice for us, and I'm grateful dh and I agree on it.

 

We are a military family and, ironically, most of the SAHM's I've known over the years (and the different duty stations) have been the young enlisted guy's wives. You wouldn't think they could afford it as many of them bring home less than $1000/month but somehow they make it happen. I think many of us prioritize staying at home because it gives a little more stability to the kids when you move every 2 years. (Moving in itself can be a job: getting the house unpacked, getting the kids in school/activities, helping everyone adjust and make new friends, learning where to go and when, etc. etc.). Also, I think it's harder for military spouses to have a "career" (not just a "job") because we move so often. JMHO :D

 

I'm grateful to have the right and opportunity to choose what works for my family and for me.

Edited July 13, 2012 by Jen+4dc