Is my DD, age 12, the victim of a strict mother?

[TammyinTN]

My girls do have all of those items BUT...they got a job and earned them after they were 16. We provided their needs, they had to work for the wants.

[Rebecca in VA]

has none of those things just yet....

 

Cell phone: Not until there is a compelling reason for her to have one.

 

TV in her room: No. We never watch TV, even in our family room.

 

Computer in her bedroom: Absolutely not!

 

Dyed hair: No! Her best friend (age 12) has dyed hair because her mom was using up some blonde hair coloring (the mom even put some on the 6-year-old son), but there's no way my daughter will dye her hair.

 

Pierced ears: No, not until she's over 18.

 

Clothes of her selection: She has a small amount of choice in the matter, but she usually likes what I pick out. This summer she's learning how to sew, and she looks forward to sewing her own clothing. (She's very interested in fashion and has good taste.)

 

Makeup: Only during ballet auditions (she's very fair-skinned) and performances.

[Michelle in MO]

1. Her own cell phone - Yes, but only for emergencies or on weekends when it's free to make phone calls

2. A t.v. in her bedroom - No, we really don't need another TV

3. A computer in her bedroom - Definitely not; we're saving this for college

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color - No!

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) - Two holes is enough

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall - Only under my supervision

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) - Other makeup for special occasions; fortunately she doesn't like to wear too much makeup.

 

If it's any consolation, we go through similar battles here!

[Lizzie in Ma]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

 

My daughter thinks she does not have these things because I am too strict. Everyone else her age and younger has these things. Plus, I am not spoiling her like I should be doing.

I told her I'd post this here so we can find out how wonderful other kids have it compared to my DD.

Thanks for your responses.

 

RC

 

So happy to assist you in your poll you evil Mother. :D

 

No child of mine will ever have a tv in their room, ever.

 

One single pierce is more than enough for now.

 

Clothes don't come from the mall, they come from bags your friends give you and boxes on your birthday, oh and Walmart. And all clothing must be approved, period.

 

Make-up, with the exception of lip gloss is forbidden and will continue to be until several (hundred) years from now.

 

Once my dd did get highlights and a cut from a dear friend as a 10th birthday present but it is not something I would allow on her own or pay for otherwise.

 

Clearly I am another small minded Mom who is simply being mean and torturing her dd for no good reason. I'll jump in that boat with you any day.

[DB in NJ]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

RC

 

1. No

2. Yes

3. No

4. Yes

5. No (one hole per ear)

6. No

7. Yes

 

I pick my battles, and I don't die on every hill. My dd and I have a completely different sense of style. Style is negotiable; modesty is not. I'll die on the modesty hill every time; the style hill I'll work with.

[gamommy]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

 

 

 

 

We are the parents of 4 girls, our oldest actually turned 12 today! Here's the lowdown on our list:

1)cell phone- Yes, we orginally did a pay as you go phone but she proved responsible and it actually cost less ($10/mth) to add her to our family plan. It gets shut off at church, at 9pm each night, and at other times per our discretion. She mostly calls her grandparents and cousins who all live across the country.

 

2)TV-Yes, but no cable. She can watch videos/dvd only. This was a freebie from a relative who upgraded their set.

 

3)Computer- not currently, kids have a dedicated desktop in the family room. I would consider it with strict parental controls though. She does have her own email addy (which she knows I monitor). I don't allow IM, facebook, myspace, etc. though.

 

4)Hair- We would allow her to color her hair if she could pay for and maintain it.

 

5)Piercings- No, she would not be allowed an additional hole. But, she's had chronic problems with her first set (done at 7yrs).

 

6)Clothes- This is the biggest issue at our house! Many of dd's Christian friends still dress very immodestly IMO. Short shorts, tank tops, halters, and bikinis are the rule. We absolutely insist on modest dress and I also boycott several stores that sell very immodest clothing in girl's sizes. We buy her a basic wardrobe, think 8-10 weekday outfits and a couple of Sunday things. Anything else is not a need, but a want. She is free to purchase additional clothing so long as it meets our modestly standard.

 

7)Make-up: Up until now she's been allowed only lip gloss and nail polish outside of the house. We've let her experiment and play a bit inside. We are beginning to re-evaluated this though. We will probably begin to allow her to wear a bit more soon.

[woolybear]

"not to draw too many lines in the sand." Although we do have certain standards here, if I get too "ruley" ds,8, wants to rebel against everything. So, one day we were at goodwill and he saw a small (6 ") t.v. He wanted it. I said, "If you have the money for it, you can get it. But I don't know if you'll be able to see anything on it." We don't have cable, so I didn't expect much. He bought it, thrilled. Came home, plugged it in and got.....two very staticky channels. He watched Tyra Banks infomercials for a while and acted like this was the coolest thing. I let him do it in his room. Well, he got bored of it in about two days. I haven't heard about a t.v. in his room since. Same thing with a computer. He begged and begged for his own, in his room. He's 8! (ANd he wanted a laptop,no less. I don't even have a laptop.) Anyway, one day we went to a tag sale where everything was free at the end. He said, can I get a computer? I said, "Ummm....okay." He pulled together all the components,plus lots of different cables,just to be sure he was covered. Came home,hooked it up and it worked! He said it was the most exciting thing that ever happened in his life. Well, after a week, he was pretty much over it. He uses it once in awhile now.

 

Sorry to go on so long. Hmm...now he wants a motorcycle. I don't care if there is a free one, it's not happening here, lol.

[Kelli in TN]

My daughter is 10.

 

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

 

1)No, but she wants one sooooooo badly because all the cool girls at church have them.

2) Yes, but we unhooked the cable because she kept sneaking off to watch Disney channel at times that she was not supposed to be watching TV.

3)Nope.

4)Nope.

5)Nope.

6) Well, yes, but only AFTER they have been bought and worn by someone else and then discarded and given to Goodwill! Do they still count as mall clothes?

7) Nope.

[Soph the vet]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

 

1. I don't have my own cell phone so she won't be getting one either.

2. We only have one TV, in the family room.

3. We have one computer in a common space.

4. If I could afford hair coloring it would be mine, not hers!:lol:

5. Not yet, but she can get first pair of holes at 12.

6. We do not frequent the mall. Clothes choices must be approved by mom and/or dad.

7. Nobody here wears makeup, I probably should:D, but dd has beautiful skin so no need here.

 

If you are strict, I am stricter.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

At 13, no to everything. By 16 she had tried to streak her hair on her own and had pumpkin orange patches(surprise, Mom), and had pierced a second hole in her ears by herself (surprise, Mom), and had a whole box full of make up (Thanks, Grandma).

 

At 17 she got a pay-as-you-go phone for Christmas.

 

Never will I buy a t.v. for a child, not even and adult one.

 

Never will I allow t.v. or computer in bedrooms.

 

Clothing was difficult. I was not unreasonable but dd tried very hard to go beyond the boundaries I set, so I had to supervise all clothes shopping.

[bettyandbob]

My dd is 10.

Her ears are not pierced. She knows she can get them pierced when she turns 12 (1 hole each ear)

No tv in room.

It hasn't occured to dd to dye her hair, but I would allow temporary color and I would allow her to do it herself (and pay for it herself). Hair is dead cells and it grows back.

Makeup, if she asks she can play with mine at home (I have a poor selection). She can start wearing small amounts at 15.

Cell--dd has one. Daddy bought it when he bought her older brother's. I was against this, but dd does go to things like dance class without me and there have been a few times when she has needed to be picked up early and she had the cell phone to call. If you dd is going places without you, I would seriously consider a phone even if it's a "family phone" which she gets when she goes to practice/volunteer/bike ride/etc. This is a safety device.

[cin]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

My girls are almost 4 & 7, so I'll answer based on future happenings in our home.

 

1. Her own cell phone 7 yr old will get one for Christmas, but they spend Friday's with grandma, who has Alzheimer's and that is the ONLY reason.

2. A t.v. in her bedroom NEVER. I don't want to lose them to the TV

3. A computer in her bedroom Maybe...but with extreme controls, including one of those thingies that tracks each keystroke

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color They're Asian, so I would discourage it greatly (Blonde Asians just look....weird, forgive me!!!) But I'm not sure I'd make it a relationship breaker.

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) 1st holes will come in the next couple of years. DH & I are thinking 10 yrs old. I have 3 holes, so I can't say much ;)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall If she pays for them, and DH & I have FULL VETO power. But she's pretty modest, so far.

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) Subtle make-up begining subtlely at age 14, if used subtley. (flavored lipgloss around 10-12). did I mention that it has to be subtle?!!

 

RC

 

q

[rafiki]

.

[sleepy]

:lol: Oh, my poor daughters.

 

My almost 14yo dd has nothing from your list.

 

My almost 12yo dd has only one thing from the list: a computer, and it's from the stone-age (no internet).

[KarenC]

1. Her own cell phone No

 

2. A t.v. in her bedroom Absolutely Not

 

3. A computer in her bedroom No

 

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color No- If she had the money to pay for this we may allow it. But, knowing her personality I really can't see her choosing anything off the wall.

 

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) No- She had her ears pierced last summer at 10.

 

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall I do let this dd choose her own clothes, but she is naturally modest and has never chosen anything I find the least bit objectionable.

 

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) - She likes the flavored lip balms and she can paint her nails. We probably won't allow more than that until 14.

 

 

Good luck,

Karen

[ncmomo3]

I have 3 dds (ages in sig.)

 

1. Her own cell phone--NOPE-they borrow ours if they need one

2. A t.v. in her bedroom--NOPE

3. A computer in her bedroom--Not gonna happen

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color--NOPE

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)-NOPE(single holes)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall--I have final approval on all apparel no matter where it is from

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)--lip gloss--beige/lt brown eyeshadow for 13 1/2 yr old.

[Janet in Toronto]

I have a 13 yo son:

 

1. Her own cell phone - yes, but he goes to school and uses it to call me when he's leaving school, and when he needs to be picked up from sports, etc.

2. A t.v. in her bedroom - no

3. A computer in her bedroom - he has a laptop so it can be used in the bedroom...usage is monitored

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color - not permitted at his school...I let him use "sun-in" type products in the summer, but it has to be cut off before school

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) - no interest

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall - yes, but within my budget...I haven't had any style issues with either of my boys

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) - n/a

[NCMom]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

 

RC

 

1. Absolutely not. I would have one for my two girls to share if they were dropped off a lot at functions/practices, etc. My 11yo nephew has one but he is alone all day from the time school lets out until 7 pm.

 

2. Absolutely not. My 18yo doesn't have one either.

 

3. No, but we do have (older) laptops for everyone, that can be moved around. This is only because my dh got them for free. Otherwise there would only be computers in the family room to share.

 

4. Nope. If you wanted your hair dyed here, you would have to pay for it with your own money and go to a nice salon. They have all discussed it but somehow it just never seems worth the money. I would subtly discourage it anyway... :001_huh:

 

5. Nope, none has wanted their ears pierced yet at all. 11yo thinks she might this year. 12yo dd is a minimalist.... 18yo would never in a million years let someone stick a hole in him anywhere, lol.

 

6. Well, we have a "dress code", but you can pick whatever you like within those parameters.

 

7. No, this is up for discussion in the later teen years. My girls are swimmers though, and they tend to not wear makeup anyway.

 

None of those things are requirements for a 12yo girl. If you don't feel like providing them or can't - she'll live. And you'll still be a great Mom! :001_smile:

 

hth,

Georgia

[EKS]

My son is 12 (just turned) and will not have items 1-3 any time soon. He *may* get a laptop when he starts high school but I don't think I would let him keep it in his room. I will probably get him a cell phone when he starts transporting himself places frequently. His 10 yo public schooled friend has some of the items you mentioned and I think it i is ridiculous!

[TraceyS/FL]

I have 3 girls, 12.5, 9, 4

 

1. Her own cell phone The kids have a Migo phone that calls 5 numbers, me, dad, grandma and home (& 911). THye have had it for 2 years, the oldest is the only one to carry it so far - they take it to the library for their art class, carry it at Disney or when we are out, use it to call Grandma since she doesn't live here any more. She wants another one - and the 9yo wants to get one. No need :D

 

2. A t.v. in her bedroom She did for a bit for her karaoke machine, no cable or sat on it though, so i guess it was useless! LOL!!

 

3. A computer in her bedroom My old Apple iBook, it's not online and she uses it for school stuff (no games but chess), so technically she could take it in her room, but she doesn't

 

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color nope

 

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) nope

 

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall hers are 99% from wal mart or target, and she's conservative all on her own

 

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) nope

[LisaNY]

Interesting discussion! After reading through the responses, I am apparently in the minority here.

 

My younger dd is 13:

1. Her own cell phone - Yes, which she paid for. This kid wishes she had a job now, so she could pay the monthly bills. She is a super-responsible girl.

2. A t.v. in her bedroom No, but she and her sister have one of those mini DVD players that they use once in a while.

3. A computer in her bedroom No, but the girls do have a laptop. It was a necessity, as I do a lot of work as a secy/bookkeeper, which really limited their access. My older dd needs the computer a lot during the year for homework

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color - No way.

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) One hole per ear.

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall We do shop at the mall, but my girls always get my approval first on all outfits.

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) Just lip gloss for now.

 

I am glad my girls have cell phones. I can contact them any time when they are out, and they can contact me any time as well. We just got them texting and it has opened up a whole new world for them, since all of their friends have it, including their cousin, whom they never get to see. I think it's crazy that kids use texting as their main means of communication. They always tried to get in touch w/their cousin via phone, email, IM, etc. As soon as they got texting, they've "spoken" more with her in the last month than they ever have. I don't get it. If it helps my younger dd to feel more connected to the few friends she has, it has been a worthwhile investment. She does not see her friends (the few she has) much during the school year.

[cricket1178]

I had to laugh when I read this post.:lol: My 12.5 year old dd asks the same questions. Must be the age! ;) She called last night from a friend's house. The friend's mother was steaking her dd's hair and my dd wanted to know if she could just go ahead and do hers, too. (The old everybody else is doing it routine). I said...no. I have no problem saying no. My dd's list is the same as your dd's with no next to all the questions.:D

[sadiegirl]

I only have 2 boys but I have 3 nieces. My feelings on these things go for both boys and girls however.

 

No TV or computer in their rooms in my house.

Ears pierced once....they can have as many as they want at 18 or older.

Hair---I think that at 13 I would allow some natural looking highlights but nothing more than that!

Cell phones...unless you are away at an activity where you need to contact a parent(church, or school event)...no way. Not one where you can call anyone but parents.

[HRAAB]

1. Her own cell phone If she was goiing to be out, I made sure she had a phone, but not her own

 

2. A t.v. in her bedroom No

 

3. A computer in her bedroom For awhile she did - NO internet connection - for typing and school work

 

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color All my girls have colored their hair during the summer with fun colors - nothing permanent. Not a big deal. No permanent colors until older though.

 

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear). I think my dd was older than 13 when she got her 2nd piercing. Two lobe piercings wouldn't bother me.

 

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall. I allow them to choose their own clothes, but I retain final veto power. Oh, and absolutely not from the mall.

 

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) They've never asked for anything more than lip gloss and nail polish so haven't crossed that one yet. I think probably not though.

 

Janet

[Annie G]

1. She is getting one for her birthday. She just served as a teen counselor for a drama camp and most of the 9 year old girls had a cell phone. They teased her about not having one but we told her she had to wait until she was 16.

2. No, none of our kids ever had a tv in their room.

3. Yes, but none of her siblings ever had one in their room. All four have their own computers but she has been the only one who can have one in her room. I'm not even fair with my own kids!

4. Just this past month, so she was nearly 16 when allowed to color it. Well, once she used some blue temporary dye for a Halloween party and it ruined her hair and lasted 6 weeks. But that wasn't her fault because we thought it would easily wash out.

5. No. She had them pierced but they have grown shut because she didn't wear earrings.

6. She's conservative so the styles aren't the issue here...it's that she wants more clothing that our budget allows.

7. When she turned 15, she was allowed to wear more makeup. She frequently does her eyes but rarely anything else.

 

I think there are benefits to saying no to children, especially in this culture where we have SO much. Our daughters think we're the most strict parents in the world BUT as they get older, they realize that there is a method to our madness. Our youngest dd spent the night with a friend on the 4th of July and the next day (Saturday) her friends had to do school. No, they aren't behind, their parents just have them do some schoolwork even on Saturday. Even after a late night out after a holiday. Even when they had friends over. I really respect that!

[Remudamom]

Mine are older and still don't have many of those things. At 14 and 15 they each have their own computer, we use them a lot for school. Everyone here has their own computer. They are only able to go to certain sites and are not allowed to surf. The computers are not in their room, all kid computers are in the schoolroom so that I can see the screens from my desk.

 

My girls have a cell phone that they share, but they are only allowed to call the numbers that I've programmed in. Calling friends isn't an issue, because they only have each other here on the ranch. They don't use it much, but I want them to have it.

 

No pierced ears, no dyed hair, no tvs in their room. No makeup at all, not even gloss, and they look beautiful if I do say so myself. I have final say on all clothes, and we don't have a mall nearer than 90 miles.

 

My brother has a dd that's in between mine, she's a diva. He threatens her with coming to live with us for a summer. Tell your dd to watch out or you'll ship her off to the ranch.

[Jennifer in MI]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

 

 

 

RC

 

My ds is 12 and he has none of these things. But, I would consider a cell phone and on more than one occasion I've wished he already had one. He plays a lot of sports and I usually give him my phone when he rides his bike to those sports. So, he'll probably be getting one soon.

 

No tv or computer in the bedroom. I think we'll be replacing our computer soon and we'll keep this one as a second one. But, it will be in our "office" area which is in the kitchen/kitchen eating area/family room (it's really one big room).

 

Ds still doesn't care much about his clothes. At least not enough to come shopping with me when I get them. But, when he does, I'll bring him along and we'll shop together.

 

Good luck navigating this one with your dd!!

[jmgconner]

My nearly 13 yo DS...

 

1. Her own cell phone No.

2. A t.v. in her bedroom NO! I'm against TVs and Computers in bedrooms

3. A computer in her bedroom NO!

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color Yes. Mohawk with green hair, also bleached it once, as well.

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) No.

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall Some, but only when Grandma takes him shopping. We discuss appropriate clothing before the trip.

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) NA

[M&M]

1. Her own cell phone... No, she take mine when she needs one

2. A t.v. in her bedroom.. No, she doesn't even have her own room

3. A computer in her bedroom .. No

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color .. No

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)..No

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall... No

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)...Has makeup but doen't wear it out (Her aunt gave it to her )

 

[swellmomma]

My dauhter not only suffers from a strict mother, but a downright mean one according to her. My daughter is younger than yours (will be 9 in a couple weeks), but already thinks she *needs* alot of things on your list. Since I had to wait until age 31 to get a cell phone(got my first one last week), she can wait until she has a job to foot the bill, tv, no way. The Boys have one but it is not hooked up to cable, it's just for their plug and play video games. Computer, nope, the kids computer is kept in the kitchen. Dyed hair, not happening until she is an older teen, hair grows out so that one I am not worried about HOWEVER I don't like the idea of chemicals sitting on the head of a young child so she has to wait until 15-16. Clothing, she gets some say in BUT I have ultimate veto power, so far we have agreed 100% on which clothes to get her. Makeup I have allowed tiny amounts for special occasions since age 7, We talk about how makeup is for accenting not covering and that you should look like you have none on even if you choose to wear some. She will not be allowed to wear it daily until age 15, if she chooses. I don't wear makeup unless it is a special occasion so it is not a big deal around here.

 

Now the meanness comes in when in addition to the above, I do not allow her to be out roaming the streets with the neighborhood kids past 8pm, I make her clean her own room and do chores, I will not allow brats dolls in my house, I will not tolerate sassiness and will punish her for indiscretions, I do not allow her to chase the boys at the playground with the other girls to kiss them, No sleepovers, and the worst of all according to her, I make her eat all her meals before she is allowed sweets unlike her friends.

[Doran]

Hello Young Lady,

 

I'm Doran and I have two girls. One is 11.5, the other is almost 14. I'd bet you three would have a great time together if that could ever happen, because I can already see that you have a lot in common.

 

Here. Let me tell you a bit about their lives.

 

Last Christmas, when our oldest was well past 13, we got cell phones for the first time. We now have two - mine and my oldest daughter's. Her father and her younger sister do not yet have them. None of us has text messaging.

 

Our home has one television, in the family room, but we have no cable, satellite or DirecTV. In fact, we don't even have t.v. reception because we have no antenna. Can you imagine!!?? We watch dvd's or videos, and generally only on weekends. We've always done this.

 

We have two computers. The one I'm on right now is a desktop model with a dial-up connection. It lives on my desk. We also have a laptop - brought home from my husband's work place about six months ago - which we can use for a high speed connection at the library or local coffee shops. Unfortunately, its power cord is on the fritz right now, so we've only got this one. Both girls enjoy spending time on Webkinz. The older daughter is now interested in NeoPets, too.

 

When my daughters turned ten, they were allowed to get their ears pierced. The subject of more holes has come up, but so far, we've said no. Last year, when our oldest turned 13, she was allowed to use some of make-up on occasion. Not everyday. Mostly for "special" outings. She used a soft eye pencil and a little eye shadow - oh, and maybe some lip gloss. She didn't start with mascara until a few months ago. She still keeps it really low key and I've told her that I'll let her know if I think she's overdone it. I also tell her and her sister, often, how beautiful they are without any make-up. But at almost 14, I really could also understand why the oldest might want to try using some make up on a regular basis. Me? I only wear make-up every now and again, but when I was in high school, I think I wore it everyday. I don't miss that routine! ;) What a hassle!

 

Both girls have been asking to dye their hair, even just temporarily. The oldest wants to do something subtle while the youngest (the drama kid) wants blue or purple. Aside from an occasional spray on deal at Halloween, we've not "gone there". Why? Because the stuff is nasty. It ruins your hair (no kidding), and it's full of toxic chemicals. If they ever do go with a dye, I'll encourage them to use NaturTint from the health food store. It doesn't have ammonia, so it's healthier. Maybe there are other brands out there like that, I don't know, but as far as we're concerned, hair dye is a ways off...like, maybe...18?

 

I wonder how you all would match up on the clothing front. Believe it or not, we don't have a mall nearby. The closest real "mall" to us is almost an hour away, although there is an outlet mall about a half hour from here. We're not much on malls. Our oldest has gone with a friend once and bought some cute clothes that she picked out on her own. Just a couple of tops, one of which she's already outgrown. And, they've both gone to malls with grandparents who live in bigger towns. Most of their favorite clothes are hand-me-downs from good friends who are a little older. We do shop together (but not at a mall, usually), and I try to let the girls pick stuff they like while still making suggestions about how I feel about an outfit. I think they appreciate my input. I hope so, anyhow, because they get it either way! :D

 

You know, it's funny. I think we women are particularly conditioned to believe that we need to wear certain things, look a certain way, even DO certain things in order to fit in. Men get a lot of that, too, but in my view, girls and women have a harder time of it. There's so much "pressure" to be like everyone else, so unless you're the type that wants to break completely with convention, you find yourself swayed by what others think, say, and do. I know how much that affected me as a young woman. So, from this complete stranger, just remember that the riches in your life don't come from external things. They come from your relationships, from your compassions, from your sensitiviies - from your heart. That's where real fulfillment and beauty reside.

 

Hope you have a great day! Mabye someday we'll all meet!

 

Cheers,

Doran

 

 

:)

[clarkacademy]

My daughter is 11. She thinks she is 20 LOL. She does not question me anymore either. I have no problem removing priveleges if I am pushed to get more. On further note, she does not do sleepovers at other peoples homes, she can use my phone before 8 in the living room, she all ready knows she will not get a lisense until she is 18, she can only ride her bike in our driveway and she is forbidden out of our yard unless I say she may go nextdoor. I monitor her TV as well.

 

 

 

 

1. Her own cell phone Absolutly not.

2. A t.v. in her bedroom Nope

3. A computer in her bedroom She will in the fall due to going to an online school. It will not be for play.

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color Not till she is outta this house.

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) Again outta this house

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall She gets mall clothes at sales and only if I agree.

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) She can mess with makeup in the house. It does not get worn outside period.

[PrairieAir]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

 

 

My daughter thinks she does not have these things because I am too strict. Everyone else her age and younger has these things. Plus, I am not spoiling her like I should be doing.

 

I told her I'd post this here so we can find out how wonderful other kids have it compared to my DD.

 

Thanks for your responses.

 

RC

 

1. My 16yodd just got a cell phone for Christmas. (She turned 16 a few days ago.) We couldn't think of anything else for our oldest two and figured it makes sense for kids who are going to be driving or be riding places with other people and away from home and us a lot. I really don't see the point in having most kids under high school age have their own cell phones.

 

2. No one in this house has a t.v. in their bedroom! We have ONE t.v. for the whole household. Sometimes that feels like too much. Sometimes I think I might like an extra t.v. for our bedroom for when the kids want to have friends over and watch something we're not into, but the times I want that are pretty rare. I am a firm believer in NOT having t.v. in kids' bedrooms. They watch too much as it is.

 

3. Dh gave 11yodd his old laptop. It was her big Christmas present. Dh has his laptop and desktop in his office, but they are pretty much strictly just for his biblical research projects. I have my computer at my desk in the kitchen and the kids are always on it. Youngest dd was never getting a turn, and dh really needed something faster and with more memory. (It's a pretty old laptop, but well taken care of.) The oldest two got laptops for use during the school year through the school. Youngest ds will get one from the school for use during the school year when he enters high school this fall. This is one thing I think can be helpful for school--and for allowing me to actually use my own computer. It certainly isn't necessary, and if the older kids were not going to have the school computers, the laptop would have been placed in the family room for them to share. We can't afford computers for each of us and for four kids. During the summer, the oldest three have to use my computer in the kitchen since they turn their computers into the school at the end of the school year.

 

4. None of my kids have had their hair colored. If they really wanted to, I would probably let them, but I wouldn't let them do it often. It can ruin your hair over time if you do it too much and starting that young would increase that possibility. I do think people look best with something close to their natural color. Highlights are okay. My SIL has been going various shades of blonde since at least her sophomore year of high school. (She's only 23.) She's done other things to alter her appearance to what she sees as the ideal--the ideal presented by the entertainment industry and media, IYKWIM. She's a very pretty girl, but I think she would be so much more beautiful if she kept herself natural with maybe only some very slight enhancements (light makeup, a little highlighting).

 

5. An extra hole or two in each ear wouldn't bother me too much. I'd draw the line at going up into the cartilage just because it grosses me out to think about having it done (not seeing it already done). My girls only have one hole in each ear. We had the oldest's done when she was a baby, but they had to be re-done later. They don't wear earrings all the time. We recently told oldest dd no to a belly ring. Well, I said no. I have a thing about belly buttons. I'd sooner let her get a tattoo. She can get it done when she turns 18 if she wants to. Dh thought it was okay, but it was his sister that wanted to take her to do that for her b-day. Yes, same SIL above. :glare:

 

6. My kids rarely get to pick their own clothes at the mall. They rarely get clothes from the mall period. For oldest dd's 13th birthday we gave her a special treat. I took her for a $100 shopping spree at the mall. (It ended up being a little more, maybe $150 total, but our starting point was $100 and I decided to add a little extra on.) She was thrilled since she was used to shopping garage sales and thrift stores first (where you can get some great stuff at even better prices) and Walmart, Target, Burlington Coat Factory, Kohl's, etc. next. We have done similar things a few other times, but the bulk of their wardrobe never comes from the mall; it's usually only a few special items. I do let the kids pick their own clothes as long as we approve. I think it's important to teach kids the value of a dollar (and tie it into work--you would have to work x number of hours to pay for this item) and to bargain shop and spend wisely. My kids are pretty good at this because that's how they've been raised. I don't think they will have as many problems when they are adults and paying their own way because they've been taught to be more frugal and that you can dress nicely without spending a ton of money and wearing only designer brands. My girls love clothes, but they don't have the unhealthy obsession I've seen in some kids and young adults.

 

6. Youngest dd is 11 1/2. She still wears mostly just lip gloss, but I noticed the other day she was wearing some very pale pink eyeshadow as well. I was surprised, but it was okay with me. I rarely wear makeup, and I've stressed to my girls that I think a natural look is better. It really bothers me to see a beautiful young girl cover herself in heavy makeup. I think it makes them look worse rather than better. All most people "need" is a little bit of makeup applied the right way to enhance and highlight the beauty that is already there.

 

I really believe girls need to be shown what their special features are and taught to apply makeup to bring those out in a subtle way. When I was in high school, our youth group had a makeup artist come in and talk to the group (boys and girls). She brought each person to the front of the room individually and pointed out what made their look special and talked about makeup, colors, hairstyles for the girls and colors and hairstyles for the boys--things that would bring out what was already there and make the best of it rather than trying to change what they had to look like someone else. It taught me to see myself and other people differently.

[FO4UR]

Does your nearly 13 year old DD have the following items?

 

1. Her own cell phone When she pays for it:lol:, until then she can borrow a family cell on the occasion that she needs one.

2. A t.v. in her bedroom NO

3. A computer in her bedroom NO

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color When she pays for it and Daddy approves......which is really NO b/c I can't imagine Daddy approving that one;)

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) NO

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall When she pays for it and Daddy approves. I actually think it's good for teens to have a clothing allowance to spend as long as their selections line up with the modesty values of your family. Two rules: mommy won't buy you socks when you spend all your $ on a single pair of jeans and mommy won't give you more $ b/c you spent all your $ on clothes that Daddy doesn't approve.

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) At 13, I might allow cover-up for zits:tongue_smilie:, and a powder. I think I would hold off on eye make, etc. until she was older. Again, she has to pay for it.

 

Disclaimer: I do not have a 13yo dd of my own, yet. I have been a youth ministers wife for several years, and so I speak from that perspective. It sounds like she is ready to start learning the lessons of where her true value lies, and she is blessed to have a mother to walk her through this rather than letting her do as she wishes and filling her youth with regrets!

 

[PrairieAir]

While I was typing my reply above, I remembered a post DIY-Dy wrote a while back on the old board. I was so impressed with it that I saved it, and though the post is about aging gracefully and much older women, I think it's important for young girls to hear, too. If they begin chasing some Hollywood ideal, dying their hair, caking on the makeup, learning to see their own shapes as less than ideal and longing for something surgically enhanced and more "perfect"--in short covering up their true selves and trying to become someone else--what will they be like as they age and that ideal is harder and harder to attain? This really saddens me!

 

Anyway, without further ado, here is Dy's post:

 

We noticed, while The Aunts were out visiting in the Spring of '06, that vanity is alive and well in our little herd. Considering the youngest of the bunch was in her mid-60's, that did, admittedly, come as a bit of a shock to my husband and me. Particularly to me, since I was four months post-partum and "vanity," at that point, meant I could button up my husband's jeans once again. Long live the claw hair clip!

 

So, we had our visitors, Gram (97 at the time), Aunt L (mid-60's?), and Aunt J (late 60's, we think). Three women, all directly related, all as different as night and day.

 

Gram is beautiful, with her snow-white hair, dancing blue eyes, smile that wiggles its way into her temples. She has a laugh that escapes from her smile quite regularly, and works to decorate her appearance like fine jewelry. She's beautiful. No makeup, or at least not much. No fussing over how to get ready in the morning. Get up, get dressed, go visit with someone over hot tea. Great morning routine, if you ask me.

 

Aunt L also has snow-white hair, but it's long, and shouldn't be. It's frizzy and furry and just seems to get bigger with every hour she spends trying to tame it with a brush. Part of that is that she inherited her father's thick, wiry hair. Mostly, though, it's that she's abused it beyond recognition. She will not so much as step out onto the porch without the hair, the makeup, the accessories (we won't even go into the accessories) - all thickly embedded in every line and every cranny on her face. She keeps a little mirror on hand, ever on the ready to do touch-up work during the day. The end result is an older lady who looks... like an older lady trying to look nice. She's not very attractive, but it's evident she puts effort into her appearance and tries to look nice.

 

Aunt J, older than Aunt L, walks into the room on the other end of the spectrum. Her hair hasn't made it to the coveted silver-fox grey yet. It's a mix of then, and now. She also inherited her father's wiry hair, but she doesn't fret about it. She's got it cut in a short style that works with it (as opposed to Aunt L's long, "youthful" locks which need constant taming...) She wears no makeup, or very little, and is ready to go in five minutes flat. She also heads out onto the porch for coffee, but only after taking time to chat about the morning news, clean the kitchen, make plans for breakfast, check on the children, tend to Gram, and tell at least one really funny joke. She and Gram have been out there a good thirty minutes before Aunt L finishes with her beauty routine and heads out there with her coffee.

 

My husband and I looked at the three women, and we both thought the same things. Gram is gorgeous. Aunt J is really quite attractive - I'd go on to say she's rather hot. (DH said he'd buy her a drink in a bar. *grin*) Aunt L is... kind of, well, almost sad. She emits this frenetic, panicked energy. She's terrified of losing something, and doesn't realize it's no longer in her grasp.

 

Now, aside from the white hair, fair skin, and blue eyes, I've never thought Gram and Aunt L looked *anything* alike. Never, that is, until this last trip out, when Aunt L got a hold of Gram for an interview the local paper was doing. I walked into the room, and there's Gram, all dolled up with the big hair and garish makeup, and... looking terrifyingly like Aunt L! I stopped dead in my tracks before I could compose myself. A cousin noticed, and when I sat beside her, she whispered, "It's eerie, isn't it? Looks just like Aunt L."

 

What struck me, though, wasn't how much Gram could look like Aunt L, but the realization that Aunt L could be a very beautiful woman if she'd let go of the pretense and just be. a. beautiful. woman. She sees her mother and her sisters (Aunt B is also absolutely beautiful), and wants so desperately to be... beautiful like them? or does she think they're giving in to being *old* because they don't "take care of themselves" the way she does?

 

I don't know. But I know, looking that way at my own horizon (a horizon which gets closer every year), how I want to look when I get there. I want to arrive in true style, to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to decorate myself with smiles and laughter, with confidence and wit. I want to remember that makeup is meant to highlight and accentuate the positive - you can't create something with it that isn't there. I want to remember that what I do still have truly is good enough. I want to remember that self-deception really only deceives myself. Probably easier said that done, I know. But having seen a tableau laid out like that, it seems to clear. Hopefully, I can remember that.

 

Anyway, I thought it was interesting, and fit well with this thread, so I thought I'd share.

[farmgirlinwv]

My dd just turned 11 and the answer is NO to all of your questions. I wouldn't allow any of it til she's much older 16 or so. NEVER 2 ear piercings. I don't even have pierced ears! She does have lip gloss and body spray though.

[Sasharowan]

My ds12 has none of those. All electronics stay in public areas (except dh's tv in our bedroom) and only 1 ear hole before 18. Clothes choices are made from Mom approved selection. My dd9 has play makeup, but only nailpolish can be worn out of the house. Hair dye is the spray on wash out kind only until much older due to the chemicals used in dying. Hair style is a choice they are allowed to make as long as it is brushed daily.

[OhM]

13yo dd here -

 

No to all. (Evil, evil strict mom!)

 

She has been allowed a MySpace page on the family computer (in a semi-public area of the house, and with Mom's knowledge of password.)

 

The ear piercing and makeup she has no interest in as yet. Easy.

 

I'm interested to go back and read others' responses!

[H.S. Burrow]

These are for my DD. I have not read all the posts, so forgive me if you no longer need/want this information.

 

 

1. Her own cell phone NO - much to her disappointment

 

2. A t.v. in her bedroom YES - although it is a 13" and 20+ years old and because she is rarely in her room to watch it.

 

3. A computer in her bedroom NO - computers are only in the schoolroom

 

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color NO - Not at this time but would consider if she asked for it. IMO it is only hair and it will grow out and can be cut later.

 

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) NO - just one in each

 

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall NO - she likes western wear which is encourged because there are more modest selections available. We get t-shirts from Old Navy or Wal-Mart.

 

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) YES - This is allowed but only AFTER her 13 b-day and I get final approval on all choices.

 

Hope this helps you with your DD!

[Mandy in TN]

1. Her own cell phone

2. A t.v. in her bedroom

3. A computer in her bedroom

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)

 

I have boys and I haven't read the other posts, but here are my answers for what they are worth.

 

1. We do not have a land line. My dc and I share 2 cell phones. We aren't big phone people, so this hasn't been an issue.

 

2. I had a TV in my room when I was 13. All of my children including my 5yo have TV's in their rooms.

 

3. My brother had a computer in his room as soon as PC's became available. I wasn't interested- silly me. All of my children including my 5yo have a computer. My 5yo's computer is in the gameroom. My 14yo has both a laptop and a tower and both are in his room.

 

4. When I was in high school, I loved to dye my hair. Now, I need to dye away the gray and I don't have the time. My dc have never asked to dye their hair; however, my 14yo has been acting awfully emo this spring and 17yo ds and I keep offering to buy him a bottle of black hair dye. If I had a daughter, I'm sure I would let her dye her hair. How fun! I would want to do it with her!

 

5. When I was growing up, my mom did a rite of passage kind of thing. I think I was in 5th or 6th grade when I had my ears pierced for the first time. It was a birthday/ rite of passage thing and mom made it special. I think that I was in 8th or 9th grade when I had the second hole put in my ears and a senior when I got the 3rd. My brother had holes all the way up both his ears. None of my boys have their ears pierced.

 

6. My oldest two boys are not clothing picky. My oldest is the sort of teenage boy who picks up the closest article of clothing and if it smells ok he wears it. He doesn't care if it is a primary red t-shirt or pink stripes. My 2nd ds does prefer more muted colors (navy blue, army green, brown), but he just wears whatever is on the top of the stack folded in the drawer. Obviously, he is also more tidy than my oldest. My youngest may give me grief when he is older, because he has a definite opinion about what he wears and he is only 5!

 

7. Umm... my boys have never asked for make-up except at Halloween. Again, It was a birthday/ rite of passage thing and mom made it special. She took me to Merle Norman when I was in either 6th or 7th grade and had my face done. She bought cleaning products and foundation base with sun block and encouraged me to use them every day to cleanse and protect my skin. I sometimes remembered. Make-up was never a big deal to me- sometimes I wore it and sometimes I didn't. In my 8th grade picture I am definitely wearing eye liner.

 

Not on your list, but getting contacts was another birthday/ rite of passage thing with my mom. I know that this happened in 7th grade. I was very excited.

 

Another that is not on your list, but was special for me as a young lady. I participated in dance and gymnastics. I am very pale with very dark hair. I started shaving in 5th grade and I got my own razor. It was definitely a rite of passage. Wow, I thought that I was big.

 

Mandy

[Lolly]

1. Her own cell phone-13th birthday presents, wish we had done it sooner

2. A t.v. in her bedroom-no, but 11 yo brother does/you want to talk about mad?

3. A computer in her bedroom-no

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color-no

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear)-no

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall-i have always let them choose their own clothes/i have veto power/at 13, they are sometimes given $ and purchase without me there, they know what is allowed and not

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss)-12th birthday present/chosen by mother/very discreet and lightly applied or it is removed

[Cheryl in NM]

1. Her own cell phone - No, not until 15 and she paid for it

2. A t.v. in her bedroom - Yes, b/c of a family issue, enough said-it would not be MY choice

3. A computer in her bedroom - Yes, same family issue, enough said-it would not be MY choice

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color - No, at 15, but only natural colors

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) - No holes ANYwhere, but 1 in each ear.

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall - Nope, not even at 16

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) - No, at 14, but again not MY choice

 

I'm talking about a step-daughter here so that's why some of these things were not my choice.

[Shelly in VA]

My 13 year old DD has the following:

 

1. NO cell phone

2. NO TV in her bedroom (we have 2 - one in the family room, one 12" tiny one in the master BR)

3. NO computer in her bedroom (we have 1 - shared by everyone in the family, as well as being my work station for my part-time 15 hr/week job)

4. NO dyed hair (please - my 40 yo dishwater blonde head is getting highlights when we can afford it before anyone else gets that privilege!)

5. Ears SINGLE pierced

6. Clothes from Kohl's - the only place we have to shop here - and occasionally from Target or Old Navy when we are able to make the 30-minute trip to the nearest stores of those type; no mall closer than 40 minutes away

7. Makeup -- dd wears nail polish, and occasionally lip gloss

 

So, my DD is neglected right along with yours. And, yes, she WANTS a cell phone, a TV in her room, and her own laptop. :001_rolleyes: Well, there's a lot I want, too, that I don't have!

 

Shelly

[Bee]

The children do have a tv in their playroom.Dd is allowed to pick out her own clothes but I pay for them all so I make the final decisions.Dd does not have pierced ears-her choice.She would like to dye her hair but we only permit streaks of color that can be washed out.She rarely uses it.She is allowed make-up in moderation.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

Dd 7 doesn't have a cell phone. WE don't have cell phones. However, if there were a need- if she were going off for a few days with friends that did not have a cell, for example- I would consider getting her one of the pay as you go type, but not to carry around every day. One of her 9 year old friends has her own i-phone- YIKES!

 

TV in room - no, not even a hookup in her room. We do have 3 TVs in the house though (one in the classroom here not hooked to cable but for DVDs) so there usually isn't a problem with everyone getting to watch what they want.

 

Computer- Next year we will start discussing a laptop. It would be a family laptop, though.

 

Dyed hair- If she asked for highlights I wouldn't have a problem with that. She has beautiful hair, though, so I don't see her asking in the foreseeable future. I see no reason for her to dye it a totally different color at any age. If she wanted to experiment with pink hair, etc. there are hair extensions and dyes that are not permanent.

 

Pierced ears- Most of her friends have them, but we will have that discussion when she's 10. I just see it as a passage into the beginnings of young womanhood and dd understands it's a "mommy thing". If she shows she can take care of them the first go-round, I would consider letting her get a 2nd hole- ears only. A belly ring when she's an older teen would be okay- but NOTHING else.

 

Clothes- she picks out some of her own clothes and does like to shop at some of the trendy stores like Justice and Limited Too. A lot of times, I just pick things out while she looks at novelties and accessories, then hand her a stack to try on in the dressing room while I keep shopping.

 

Makeup- She has her own makeup, and is free to experiment with it at home. She and her little friends like to play makeovers sometimes. She can only WEAR makeup (other than light lip gloss and pale fingernail polish- toes can be as wild as she wants) on stage. One of her 8 year old friends wears eye shadow and lip gloss daily, and does so tastefully, but YIKES!

[Mandy in TN]

Alright, I read through all ten pages of posts! Whew!

 

I wanted to relate a conversation that I had with my aunt. My aunt and uncle had a !surprise! baby when their other children were older. I was 17 when this little girl was born.

 

When this young lady was in jrhigh, the cool thing was blue finger nail polish. After listening to the other mothers adamantly proclaim that their daughters would never wear blue finger nail polish, my aunt told me that she knew that there were bigger, more important battles to fight and this one wasn't important. So, my cousin not only had blue polish, she had green and purple, too.

 

Some kids don't care about any of the things in the OP, so they are not non-issues. For other children strictly enforcing all of them may cause such a divide between parent and child that when those bigger, more important battles arise, the parent realizes that their opinion matters so little that they aren't even consulted.

 

I firmly believe that every family must make their own decisions for what is best for their home. I also know that regardless of whether or not they are allowed to wear blue finger nail polish most children grow up to live somewhere in the normal/ majority realm of society. The only advice I have is to guard your relationship with your child and view it as being at least as important as whether or not she has dyed hair, multiple ear piercings, or wears mascara at 13.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[Tammyla]

Yes...you're a mean, mean mommy.:001_smile: My mom always said she knew she was doing her job right if we were complaining.:iagree:

[2cents]

NO on all. If it helps, my 11 yr old thinks she should have some of these things too but that isn't going to happen. Just because some of her friends have these things isn't a good enough reason for us to cave in and give her them. My children have better things to do than spend hours on the tele texting and shutting themselves in their room watching TV until all hours of the night (however...shutting themselves in their room reading til all hours is ok :D).

[CLHCO]

1. Her own cell phone - No, they borrow one of ours if going somewhere they may need it.

2. A t.v. in her bedroom - No

3. A computer in her bedroom - No but I would if we had the room in there and money but no modem or interent of any kind, just for writing papers.

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color - They'd rather have bamboo shoots stuck under their nails painfully

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each (DD has one hole per ear) Ditto above

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall - They're happy with WalMart

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) - I ask them to wear a touch if they perform on stage and though it's not up there with the fingernail torture, it's not wanted either.

 

I may add that few of their friends have this stuff either. There is power in numbers so sometimes it's good to see what alternate influences you can find so she feels more "normal".

[ereks mom]

1. Her own cell phone -- Yes

 

It is a pay-as-you-go phone. We paid $14.99 for the phone itself (cheapest we could find) and we pay for $20 worth of minutes every 3 months (comes out to less than $7 per month or about $80 per year). She uses the phone to call us when she's ready to be picked up from play practice, or to keep in touch while she's at camp, and to keep in touch with her best friend who moved to another town. But she has to budget her minutes so that they last the whole 3 months.

 

2. A t.v. in her bedroom -- No

 

We have 2 televisions in the house, one in the family room and one in the den. I don't believe children/teens should have access to television in their bedrooms. Dh & I have never had a television in our room, for that matter ;).

 

3. A computer in her bedroom -- Not exactly...

 

EK has a laptop -- an older one that dh brought home from work when he upgraded his office computers. She usually piddles with it in the living room, but occasionally uses it in her room. We monitor her computer use and we don't let her spend hours and hours in her room on the computer. The internet can be a dangerous place!

 

4. Hair that has been dyed blonde or any other color -- No

 

EK is naturally blonde and has no desire to dye her hair some other color -- which is good, because the answer would be "No". :)

 

5. Ears pierced with 2 or more holes each -- No

 

EK does have pierced ears: one hole in each ear lobe. She was allowed to have them pierced when she turned 13 last fall. The whole family went with her (ER too!). :) When she is 16 or so, I wouldn't mind if she gets a 2nd hole in each ear. When she's an adult, she can add even more piercings if she likes (but I seriously doubt that she'll want them).

 

6. Clothes of her selection from the mall -- Yes, but...

 

We don't often shop at the mall -- usually it's the thrift store -- but wherever we shop, EK is allowed to choose things she likes. She has modest tastes (thanks to many talks over the years with her dad and me about what true beauty is). She loves sparkly things and bright colors, but she won't wear anything too tight or too short or cut too low, so I don't have to worry there. She looks older than she is (very shapely), but she is aware of this, and dresses modestly so that she doesn't attract unwanted attention.

 

7. Makeup -- all kinds (not just lip gloss) -- Yes, but...

 

EK was allowed to start wearing some basic make-up when she turned 13 last fall. Before that, she had been allowed to wear only lip gloss. I gave her a simple make-up kit for Christmas this past year: pressed powder, eyeliner, mascara, blusher, and eyeshadow. I chose shades that would look natural on her, and I taught her how to apply the products so that she doesn't look "made up". Our understanding is that I have to approve of how her make-up looks before she leaves the house to go somewhere.