and so it begins......

[HappyLady]

I woke up to an email from my sister saying that our cousin thinks homeschooled kids are stupid and wants proof that they do well on standardized tests. :glare: I haven't even technically started homeschooling and already I have to deal with this??

 

I know the info is out there, but if anyone has any really good links to show him I'd appreciate it!

 

I originally thought about ignoring him because I'm sick of defending my lifestyle to people, but then I figured if I stayed silent he'd take that as he was right. *sigh* I guess I need to toughen up as I'm sure the comments are only going to get worse as time goes on, right? :lol:

[ssavings]

I think ignoring it was the right instinct. It's your family, your decision. Your cousin's opinion doesn't matter!

[Rebecca VA]

Wow, that was really rude! When I started homeschooling, my dad expressed some doubts. I blew him off, but honestly, he was right. The specific things he expressed doubt about were the very things that tripped me up. I (now) feel that he had the right to say those things because he was a close relative (and the grandfather of my children)...but a cousin? Asking you to provide test scores? That's too much.

[WishboneDawn]

Let him think he's right, it's not a big deal. Very often those type of folks won't change their minds anyway when presented with evidence, they'll just shift the goalposts and readjust their reasoning.

 

It's really not worth it. If he brings it up in person just shrug and tell him he can google the statistics himself if he's really concerned. Then change the subject.

[marbel]

Without any idea of your family dynamics, I would say ignore the comment or tell your sister to suggest your cousin do his own research. Your cousin didn't even come to you directly, so there is no need for you to respond to him at all.

 

In our extended family, there are various opinions about homeschooling. Funny how the ones who don't like it never come directly to me or my husband with their concerns. Rather, they talk to other family members, who then tell me about it. If someone would come directly to me, I'd be happy to respond, but when it comes through a third party, I just ignore it.

 

It might get worse, or it might not. If you and your husband are confident in your choices for your family, you don't have to worry about anyone else!

 

Margaret

[Kelly1730]

I would totally ignore it. I can't imagine why I would care what my cousin thinks about how I am educating my children. I would try to assure grandparents if they had any concern but that would be it and then they would just have to trust that I am doing what I think is best for my children and let it go.

[Twigs]

Pass the bean dip.

 

(See tag below)

 

Best wishes.

[prairiegirl]

I was watching a show on TV last night with Deepak Chopra as a guest. He says that it is none of your business what others think or say about you. You only need to be concerned about yourself. Those words struck home with me.

[Kathryn]

Ignore. You have no duty to provide a distant relative (or eve a close one) with "proof" of your abilities as a parent. To insinuate that you do is rude and condescending. I wouldn't even bother to reply. That's engaging a conversation that doesn't deserve a response. You needn't worry about what your non-response says to this person unless they have some sort of power over you and your ability to parent your children.

[SailorMom]

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Do not justify his remarks by showing concern, or feeling the need to prove him wrong.

He'll see he's wrong in the end.

[Hope44]

I woke up to an email from my sister saying that our cousin thinks homeschooled kids are stupid and wants proof that they do well on standardized tests. :glare: I haven't even technically started homeschooling and already I have to deal with this??

 

I know the info is out there, but if anyone has any really good links to show him I'd appreciate it!

 

I originally thought about ignoring him because I'm sick of defending my lifestyle to people, but then I figured if I stayed silent he'd take that as he was right. *sigh* I guess I need to toughen up as I'm sure the comments are only going to get worse as time goes on, right? :lol:

 

Eh I say maybe the only response would be "Tell cuz I'll post the kids achievement test scores after she coughs up the scores from her kids."

 

Other than that, I'd probably ignore the cousin's comments.

 

I've been doing this for eleven years now. There are ALWAYS those who want to shoot home education down, usually out of ignorance. Another quote I like to throw out there that typically ends the discussion is "I thought we lived in a country that celebrates diversity?"

 

However, the best answer is my honest answer..."We've prayed about this and feel this is where God wants our family right now. We're going to follow His leading." No one has yet responded after that answer.

 

:grouphug:

[SailorMom]

Eh I say maybe the only response would be "Tell cuz I'll post the kids achievement test scores after she coughs up the scores from her kids."

 

 

:grouphug:

 

:lol::lol:

[DawnM]

Along those lines would be a "Thank you for your concern for my family. Please continue to pray for us as we seek God's best for our children."

 

If you ask them to pray instead of argue, really, what else is there to discuss?

 

Dawn

 

 

However, the best answer is my honest answer..."We've prayed about this and feel this is where God wants our family right now. We're going to follow His leading." No one has yet responded after that answer.

 

:grouphug:

[Zebra]

Definitely ignore him. And ask your sister to not pass on info like this in the future ;).

 

If you must say something I would say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I have been given the job of raising these children and will do what I think is best. Mmmmm, bean dip." Do not ever think you are going to convince anyone that homeschooling is a valid choice with your words. People who will come around, and not all of them will, will watch you in action and be convinced.

 

If nothing else it's good diplomatic training for having teenagers in the house :lol:.

[hsmom2011]

Ignore it! It's none of her business how you choose to educate your children. ;)

[jenangelcat]

Ignore. People like that aren't really interested, they just want to be right. If he asked me, I'd tell him that as an educated person I'm sure he's quite capable of researching homeschooling himself and leave it at that.

[JessReplanted]

I think ignoring it was the right instinct. It's your family, your decision. Your cousin's opinion doesn't matter!

 

:iagree:

 

The sarcastic part of me would want to respond with something like, "Well, I heard our cousin is stupid and didn't do well on standardized tests." ;)

 

But, ignoring it is probably the better option.

[Miss Marple]

I'll wander from the pack here :001_smile: I'm all for educating even if the one who asks has the wrong motive. I'll supply information and let the asker do with it as he chooses. I would not give out personal information such as individual test scores unless you feel confident that they won't be used against you.

 

I would also refer cousin to the Google search engine :D. He can learn to research for himself :001_smile:

 

A demeanor expressing confidence in your choice is a mighty weapon in your arsenal.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Ignore. You have no duty to provide a distant relative (or eve a close one) with "proof" of your abilities as a parent. To insinuate that you do is rude and condescending. I wouldn't even bother to reply. That's engaging a conversation that doesn't deserve a response. You needn't worry about what your non-response says to this person unless they have some sort of power over you and your ability to parent your children.

 

Absolutely. :iagree:

[EKS]

Well, there's this. But I personally don't think that it was a well designed study.

 

I'm with everyone else who says to ignore it.

[Harriet Vane]

Ignore. You have no duty to provide a distant relative (or eve a close one) with "proof" of your abilities as a parent. To insinuate that you do is rude and condescending. I wouldn't even bother to reply. That's engaging a conversation that doesn't deserve a response. You needn't worry about what your non-response says to this person unless they have some sort of power over you and your ability to parent your children.

 

:iagree:

[Harriet Vane]

I'll just add this:

 

These are not your cousin's kids, so they are NOT his problem.

 

Once you start arguing and defending, you'll never stop, and the evidence will never be good enough anyway.

 

I do talk to anyone with a genuine curiosity and receptiveness to actual discussion, though.

[Kathryn]

I'll just add this:

 

These are not your cousin's kids, so they are NOT his problem.

 

Once you start arguing and defending, you'll never stop, and the evidence will never be good enough anyway.

 

I do talk to anyone with a genuine curiosity and receptiveness to actual discussion, though.

 

:iagree: someone with a genuine curiosity and who wants more information about homeschooling is someone I'd be more than happy to entertain. Someone who expects me to provide proof of my parenting skills is not. That goes for any parenting choice, not just homeschooling.

[Jpoy85]

Ignore. :001_smile:

[LucyStoner]

First rule of maintaining your own sanity is to not engage with other people's crazy. I agree, ignore him. No point in wasting time arguing with him over his uninformed biased opinions. Be secure in the knowledge that it is your choice and you have made a good one.

[KJB]

I would wait to respond after you've home schooled through high school and one or more of your kids have been accepted to universities or are living the life of good educated employed citizens.

 

Really, the only proof that you will do a good job educating your kids is in the pudding itself. Just do the work. Patience with the world and dedication to your job as a home schooler is what you will need to weather the long storm ahead. The naysayers can get on board later when they notice your boat isn't the one sinking.

[QuirkyKapers]

I would ignore. You are not responsible for proving anything to him (or anyone else for that matter).

[DawnM]

This is a hard one for me as I don't believe a good education is the only reason to educate. I have one son with some very big LDs and I would hate to think he is compared to his PS cousins who are in AP classes and most likely on their way to top notch schools.

 

We homeschool for MANY reasons.....I am providing him with the best education he can handle. He would do far worse in the PS, but I am not going to get into a p*ssing contest of who gets into the best schools or has the best job when they get out of school. I don't' care if I lose that fight.

 

What I do know is that my kids are far more polite, humble, caring, friendly, well mannered, and respectful than their cousins will ever be.

 

Dawn

 

 

 

I would wait to respond after you've home schooled through high school and one or more of your kids have been accepted to universities or are living the life of good educated employed citizens.

 

Really, the only proof that you will do a good job educating your kids is in the pudding itself. Just do the work. Patience with the world and dedication to your job as a home schooler is what you will need to weather the long storm ahead. The naysayers can get on board later when they notice your boat isn't the one sinking.

[Dealea86]

I think it depends on the dynamics of your family. There's no harm in trying to convince someone who is genuinely curious, and someone who has a sarcastic or joking personality (like one of DH's good friends, who said something similar) might not really mean it in the offensive way it comes off on a forum. If that was the case, I might try to persuade. But if he's the type to really mean it the way it sounds, then a politely worded none-of-your-business is probably in order.

 

Well, there's this. But I personally don't think that it was a well designed study.

 

Sorry to hijack, but... In what way?

[Starr]

I would ask your sister not to pass on this information to you. The gossip is what is killing you now. Other people will always make you feel like your children have missed out on many things. Toughen up now and be confident in your decision. But really, it could be years of passing the bean dip. :grouphug:

[redsquirrel]

Why would you give that person ANY power in your life? If they are wrong, they won't believe you anyway, and if they are right, it's not their problem.

 

Stay away.

[Sharon37127]

My husband and I have recently dealt with (close) relatives doubting the education our kids were receiving- to the point this person drug in 90% of our remaining relatives to "his" side. I was in a difficult position thinking to myself, "Wow, if this many people close to us think we are doing something wrong- maybe we are?" Kinda like- If everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I'm the only who doesn't- maybe I am?

 

We decided that accountability (which I bucked against myself) was the key. It is a matter of who you are accountable to- this is the only person/organization/agency that you need to worry about what they think.

 

Also, demographics are a key. If your single cousin with no kids right out of college thinks you- at 35yo- homeschooling your 4 kids as a stay-at-home mom (with your husband's approval) thinks you aren't doing a good job- well, (as my FIL would say) "the axis of the planet doesn't fall through the top of your head." (the world doesn't revolve around you.) Now, if my homeschool peeps with multiple kids that I trust tell me- hey, something is "off"- I would jump right on it.

 

People have different priorities- it scares me sometimes when I verbalize that fact that academics isn't in our top 3 list. If I said that to my family member- they would call CPS on me for educational neglect.

 

Don't worry about trying to convince everyone that disagrees with homeschooling that you are doing nothing wrong. I realized that when I was doing that, I was actually trying to convince myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong (early in our home school time). After going through our (I call it) "persecution" recently, I developed this confidence and reassurance that we were making the right decision.

[KJB]

This is a hard one for me as I don't believe a good education is the only reason to educate. I have one son with some very big LDs and I would hate to think he is compared to his PS cousins who are in AP classes and most likely on their way to top notch schools.

 

We homeschool for MANY reasons.....I am providing him with the best education he can handle. He would do far worse in the PS, but I am not going to get into a p*ssing contest of who gets into the best schools or has the best job when they get out of school. I don't' care if I lose that fight.

 

What I do know is that my kids are far more polite, humble, caring, friendly, well mannered, and respectful than their cousins will ever be.

 

Dawn

 

Sounds like your children will fit into the "or are living the life of...." category. Really, we all might do a great job or a not so great job. The goal, in my mind, is to end up with good well-educated citizens.

 

From my perspective, no school (home, private, or public) can tout their effectiveness until they've effectively produced the type of citizen I want to live next door to.

[mama2cntrykids]

Honestly, if it were my cousin, I would ignore it completely. If said cousin ever brings it up to you in conversation with you, change the subject.

 

It's really none of her business. How irritating for you!

[Ellie]

Ignore, because (1) he didn't say it to you, and (2) he's not the boss of you or your children. :D

[mama2cntrykids]

This is a hard one for me as I don't believe a good education is the only reason to educate. I have one son with some very big LDs and I would hate to think he is compared to his PS cousins who are in AP classes and most likely on their way to top notch schools.

 

We homeschool for MANY reasons.....I am providing him with the best education he can handle. He would do far worse in the PS, but I am not going to get into a p*ssing contest of who gets into the best schools or has the best job when they get out of school. I don't' care if I lose that fight.

 

What I do know is that my kids are far more polite, humble, caring, friendly, well mannered, and respectful than their cousins will ever be.

 

Dawn

 

AMEN to that!:iagree:

[JFSinIL]

Who gives a flying rat's hind quarters what some bozo thinks of your homeschooling? IGNORE IT. Do not waste another moment fretting about trying to justify your decision to homeschool to folks who, no matter what facts you come up with, will either dismiss them or come back with their own "facts". It is like religion and politics - verboten subjects among those who can not and will never agree.

 

Just smile and do your own thing. The proof will be years from now when your kids are successful, educated adults.

[Maus]

I've never cared what my cousins' thoughts or opinions, so I'd ignore them.

 

I would wonder about my sister (well, in my case, brother-- I was the only girl). If she didn't just ignore the cousin herself, she's probably got a doubt or two herself. I might say something like, ” I've never really cared much what X thought about this. Are you worried about it?”

[Ellie]

Who gives a flying rat's hind quarters what some bozo thinks of your homeschooling? IGNORE IT.

Don't hold back. Tell us what you really think. :lol::lol::lol:

[vonfirmath]

I woke up to an email from my sister saying that our cousin thinks homeschooled kids are stupid and wants proof that they do well on standardized tests. :glare: I haven't even technically started homeschooling and already I have to deal with this??

 

I know the info is out there, but if anyone has any really good links to show him I'd appreciate it!

 

I originally thought about ignoring him because I'm sick of defending my lifestyle to people, but then I figured if I stayed silent he'd take that as he was right. *sigh* I guess I need to toughen up as I'm sure the comments are only going to get worse as time goes on, right? :lol:

 

1. Your cousin is free to believe whatever she wants. Not her kids, not her say.

 

2. Why did your sister feel she had to tell you this? Is sister trying to stir the pot?

 

I'd not say anything to cousin unless cousin talks to you directly. Just be sure you know for yourself why you are homeschooling such that it does not matter what others think. Then use that. YOU might not care if your kids pass standardized tests. Maybe your reason for homeschooling is keeping the relationship with your kids. You do not have to justify to cousin (or anyone) based on THEIR ideas of why you are homeschooling. You only have to justify to yourself why you are doing it. (and your spouse)

[kalanamak]

I woke up to an email from my sister saying that our cousin thinks homeschooled kids are stupid and wants proof that they do well on standardized tests.

 

Politely ask your sister not to tell you these things.

 

To paraphrase Mark Twain: it takes two to really hurt us -- one to do the deed, and the other to bring us the news.

[Brilliant]

Without any idea of your family dynamics, I would say ignore the comment or tell your sister to suggest your cousin do his own research. Your cousin didn't even come to you directly, so there is no need for you to respond to him at all.

 

 

And I'd ask sis not to pass along any more negative comments.

 

(and now that I've read the whole thread I see several others have made this suggestion!)

[Jennifer3141]

For the love of cockroaches, why would what your cousin thinks matter??? At all? Ever?

 

All that matters is you, your children, and the children's other parent. That's it. Finite! :D

[Trish]

I woke up to an email from my sister saying that our cousin thinks homeschooled kids are stupid and wants proof that they do well on standardized tests. :glare: I haven't even technically started homeschooling and already I have to deal with this??

 

I know the info is out there, but if anyone has any really good links to show him I'd appreciate it!

 

I originally thought about ignoring him because I'm sick of defending my lifestyle to people, but then I figured if I stayed silent he'd take that as he was right. *sigh* I guess I need to toughen up as I'm sure the comments are only going to get worse as time goes on, right? :lol:

 

Well ignoring it is the right thing to do. I wouldn't at all be interested in doing backflips to prove anything to anyone who isn't, say, director of admissions at the college of my kid's choice. But, if I were having a snarky moment, I might tell my sister to let my cousin know (if it is convenient) that people who DON'T homeschool their kids are selfish and condemning them to an obviously inferior education. Of course, explain to your sister that you don't really believe that, but that it sounds like Cousin Dearest needs a friendly return chain-yank.

 

I think kids can get a great education all different kinds of ways!

[DarlaS]

I woke up to an email from my sister saying that our cousin thinks homeschooled kids are stupid and wants proof that they do well on standardized tests. :glare: I haven't even technically started homeschooling and already I have to deal with this??

 

I know the info is out there, but if anyone has any really good links to show him I'd appreciate it!

 

I originally thought about ignoring him because I'm sick of defending my lifestyle to people, but then I figured if I stayed silent he'd take that as he was right. *sigh* I guess I need to toughen up as I'm sure the comments are only going to get worse as time goes on, right? :lol:

 

http://www.google.com

[sassenach]

My first choice would be to ignore it.

 

If you really feel compelled to respond, my second choice would be to send this infographic. Actually, if he's on facebook, I would post it and tag him in it.

Edited May 22, 2012 by Shannon831
fixed link

[PiCO]

Ignore. You have no duty to provide a distant relative (or eve a close one) with "proof" of your abilities as a parent. To insinuate that you do is rude and condescending. I wouldn't even bother to reply. That's engaging a conversation that doesn't deserve a response. You needn't worry about what your non-response says to this person unless they have some sort of power over you and your ability to parent your children.

:iagree:

And if you see this cousin in person and he/she pushes you, say something like, "I heard about kids in public school doing drugs/having sex in middle school. Can you prove to me that's not true?"

[Joanne]

I'll wander from the pack here :001_smile: I'm all for educating even if the one who asks has the wrong motive. I'll supply information and let the asker do with it as he chooses. I would not give out personal information such as individual test scores unless you feel confident that they won't be used against you.

 

I would also refer cousin to the Google search engine :D. He can learn to research for himself :001_smile:

 

A demeanor expressing confidence in your choice is a mighty weapon in your arsenal.

 

It's a boundary issue.

 

I say pass the bean dip.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your sister is out of line for passing on hurtful gossip. Tell her to mind her own business. Honestly, what did she think would be accomplished other than stirring up trouble and hurt feelings by passing on your cousin's views?

 

If your cousin approaches you directly with his opinions, then ask him if he wants to hear your side or if his mind is made up. If he's open to listening, then explain your views. If his mind is made up, then thank him for his opinion and tell him that it is your decision - period.

[mom2scouts]

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.