Vent: And THAT is why I hate my birthday.

[m0mmaBuck]

"What do you want? What do you want to do? Are we going our for dinner? Do you want to stay in? Where should we go? Everyone is asking. It's stressing me out. You need to pick something."

 

Really? MY birthday is stressing YOU out???? What about me? What about the fact that it's the one time of the year where everyone is all over me asking what I want? How should I know? You wait until the day before my birthday to start asking me this stuff while I'm in the middle of a history lesson with the kids. Really? Now?

 

And besides, I don't know what I want. I don't. I never do. I don't have hobbies. I don't have a favorite restaurant. I don't go shopping so I have no idea what is out there that I might want. I live in the PNW and most of what I like to do occurs during 3 months over the summer.... not in March... when it is raining or snowing outside.

 

What do I want???? I want to not do this once a year every year for the rest of my life.

[*********]

:grouphug: Ah yep. Tis the life of a mother. :grouphug:

[Melinda in VT]

The people in your life want to do something special for you. I wouldn't discourage that just because they struggle to know what that is. It sounds like you struggle to know what that is too.

 

Would it work to just pick something (anything!) and make that your birthday tradition? Pick a restaurant you like, even if it isn't your favorite, and declare that the birthday restaurant. Is there something consumable you like that could be your traditional birthday present? A Starbucks gift card? A vase of tulips to remind you spring is coming? A gift card you can use on those outdoor activities when summer comes? A box of chocolates?

 

I am not naturally good at picking gifts, and I love it when I can find something that I can give year after year.

 

Oh, and because it just occurred to me that you might be looking for sympathy and not advice (I'm slow), here are some :grouphug:

[joannqn]

:grouphug: I'm sorry.

 

Happy Birthday. I hope you can have some down time or fun.

 

I started throwing myself a birthday party each year. My friends have come to expect it. I tried to skip this year for lack of money, but they bugged me. So, I told my friends that I was making desserts and they were bringing dinner (potluck). They came, brought good food, and we played Apples to Apples. It was a fun night. They even brought some lovely gifts, which wasn't expected.

 

Some social time with adults was lovely.

[sunflowerlady]

:grouphug: Is today your birthday or tomorrow? Mine is tomorrow the 14th.:001_smile:

 

Happy Birthday.

[BakersDozen]

:iagree: I usually tell my dh/dc that all I want for my bday is to be left alone. No mention of the day, no fuss, no cake or gifts. Just let me be, let me do my normal thing and on we go. Don't start making a big fuss and trying to plan something especially the day before my bday!

 

I don't want to go out out to eat because it costs too darn much. I don't want gifts because I don't need anything (not even the lingerie my dh bought me one year. I threw it back at him and told him to use it to change the oil in the van. :glare:). I don't want fuss or attention or anything but to spend my bday in the normal way, please. Is that really too much to ask???

[mamajag]

Look them in the eye and say, "The new iPad, 64 gb 4g." Then continue your lesson. You've told them something, and if they do actually get you one, they are a ton of fun and very useful for HSing.

 

My DH knows not to do this or I will ask for the moon. It's how I got a spinning wheel for Christmas. :lol:

[mommaduck]

Sometimes, it's nice if they just plan stuff and take us to it.

[Liz CA]

Take a break NOW and go on Amazon (or wherever). Find books, lotions, dishes and email him the link!!!

 

Then email the link to a caterer who delivers to the house. :D

Take those questions seriously, honey!

[Mama_Rana]

My birthday is tomorrow. I know DH helped the boys pick out gifts and cards and they wrapped them on Sunday.

 

I would actually REALLY like to go out to dinner, just the two of us, like we did for HIS birthday. But that would mean hiring a sitter, and I'm pretty sure DH doesn't know the sitter's name let alone her email address to set it up [not bashing, he's just really bad with names; he'd tell you the same if you asked him]. *sigh* And he didn't ask, so I haven't said anything. :/ We shall see how it goes.

[jenn-]

You just described my birthday every year except he starts in on it much earlier. I hope you manage to have a happy birthday anyways.

[LibraryLover]

Pick one thing and do it, every year. My pick, for the past 16 years, has been going away for a night or two. One year, I had a 3 mos old nursling, and of course, that baby came along with us. Still takes me out of my space, my daily *stuff*, gets me room service etc. The only question dh asks is, "Which state, which Marriot?" (travel points)

 

We've gone one hour away- when the kids were younger-and we've gone 3000 miles away as they have gotten older. In olden days, my siser or mother would to stay at our home while we were away. Now, the oldest can watch the youngest...mostly the youngest is in charge and always has been. ;)

 

No gifts. Just the hotel, walking around new bookstores, maybe a movie (I like to go back to the hotel early ;;) and a nice late brunch (I like to sleep in). Best cream cheese and lox bagel of my life at my last b'day brunch. Sometimes it's too late for brunch, so we do lunch. :)

[Ferdie]

Aww. Happy birthday! Hope you find something wonderful to do.

[PrincessMommy]

:grouphug: I feel your pain. Hope you end up with a nice day regardless.

 

Happy Birthday!

[Julie Smith]

I really like going hiking in the summer. I want you to throw me a party on June the 1st and make sushi for dinner. I want you to invite Huey, Looey, and Dooey.

 

Then weather permitting I want us all to go for a 10 mile hike if the weather doesn't co-operate than I want to play the board game Dominion, which will be one of my birthday presents. Yes this is what I want. No, I don't want to do the planning. Either do it, or don't, but now you know what I want, and since June the 1st is so far away you have plenty of time to plan it all. I'll email you the details if you don't want to forget.

 

If you aren't willing to do the above just say happy birthday to me tomorrow and make me breakfast - but not breakfast in bed (That is TO messy). Your choice. But now you can't complain I didn't ask for anything since I just asked for a lot. :)

[LibraryLover]

Love that!! Take the kids out. Let me be. I like hotels, which is why I let dh share my birthday. ;)

 

:iagree: I usually tell my dh/dc that all I want for my bday is to be left alone. No mention of the day, no fuss, no cake or gifts. Just let me be, let me do my normal thing and on we go. Don't start making a big fuss and trying to plan something especially the day before my bday!

 

I don't want to go out out to eat because it costs too darn much. I don't want gifts because I don't need anything (not even the lingerie my dh bought me one year. I threw it back at him and told him to use it to change the oil in the van. :glare:). I don't want fuss or attention or anything but to spend my bday in the normal way, please. Is that really too much to ask???

Edited March 13, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Jenny in Florida]

:iagree: I usually tell my dh/dc that all I want for my bday is to be left alone. No mention of the day, no fuss, no cake or gifts. Just let me be, let me do my normal thing and on we go. Don't start making a big fuss and trying to plan something especially the day before my bday!

 

I don't want to go out out to eat because it costs too darn much. I don't want gifts because I don't need anything (not even the lingerie my dh bought me one year. I threw it back at him and told him to use it to change the oil in the van. :glare:). I don't want fuss or attention or anything but to spend my bday in the normal way, please. Is that really too much to ask???

 

I'm not big on my birthday, either. My incredibly perceptive daughter has pointed out to me that I may have some issues with being the center of attention.

 

It doesn't help that my birthday falls on a holiday, and one on which I am usually quite busy.

 

It took me a lot of years to finally convince my husband that I really mean it when I say I don't want anyone to make a fuss. We've actually had the same discussion about Mother's Day. All I really want is for my family to be nice to me in relatively normal ways. (Don't bug me about laundry. Don't whine if I make a dinner that isn't your favorite. That sort of thing.) And, if we're really shooting for the moon, I'd love to get through the day without any of the other three family members arguing with each other while I'm in the room.

 

That's it. Until I get those things on a semi-regular basis on your average Tuesday, I have no interest in asking for more just because the calendar says it's my birthday.

[freeindeed]

Take a break NOW and go on Amazon (or wherever). Find books, lotions, dishes and email him the link!!!

 

Then email the link to a caterer who delivers to the house. :D

Take those questions seriously, honey!

 

:iagree:

That sounds like a wonderful idea!

[Carol in Cal.]

This goes to the question of what gift giving style you have. I know this from long, funny, and annoying experience.

 

My DH's gift giving style can best be summarized as 'Your order, please!" He wants to know exactly what someone wants, and then he wants to go and get it. He regards this as a sure thing, and also as the best way to please someone. This also applies to his gift RECEIVING style.

 

My gift giving (and RECEIVING style) is to figure out a very cool present that is exactly what the recipient wanted, only better than they would have gottten or picked for themselves, without any more input than general hints. This superior style proves intimate knowledge of the recipient as well as thoughtfulness and generosity. IOW, mine is better. Doggone it.

 

(:lol:)

 

One year DH wanted black ski bibs, really nice ones. He showed me some he liked. I looked at them and then went out and bought even nicer ones that were slight more expensive. This proved that I was paying attention and that I spoiled him with someone that had all the characteristics of what he wanted, AND MORE. He was so mad. He wanted the ones that he showed me. He complained about this to all his friends, to the point where they were coming to me behind his back and saying things like, "I told him that he should smile and say thank you no matter what. It's the husband's job to do that." This was hardly the point. I thought he should be delighted that I had gone the extra mile and been so thoughtful. He thought I should get him what he clearly said he wanted. The technical term for this is cross purposes.

 

OTOH, he would actually get mad at me if I didn't give him a list. And I would be pretty insulted if he got me something that was exactly on the list--that requires no thought on his part, so where is the demonstration of intimate knowledge in that? I could give my list to a clerk. I am looking for a gift from a HUSBAND, not a clerk. I want to be SURPRISED and DELIGHTED. Dang it!

 

Over time I have told him how I feel. I have said, "I don't want to plan this. I want YOU to plan this, and to pick something that based on your knowledge of me you know I will like. That makes it more of a present; in fact, that is PART of the present."

 

And I have caved on some of it. Once I quit working to homeschool and money got extremely tight, I started to actually appreciate things I picked out myself, because knowing that we had limited funds for frivolity, it was tough to have them not go to what I really wanted. And once he realized (because I told him explicitly) how much I appreciate his demonstrating how well he knows me in his presents to me, he started to enjoy figuring out what to give me from hints instead of lists. And I have caved to the point of accepting that he really does like to have things on his lists, but he has also started to enjoy the occasional surprise.

 

If you tell your DH specifically that you feel loved when he plans something nice and takes you to it, just like when you were dating (or whatever), sooner or later he will probably get the idea, especially if you tell him in a pleasant way, well in advance of the occasion. And if he doesn't, your kids will get the idea and tell him. Do not ask me how I know this. Just do not.

Edited March 13, 2012 by Carol in Cal.

[J-rap]

My husband and I are from very different birthday traditions, and this used to cause a problem! I am from a family where the birthday person was treated like a princess and lots of fun things were planned and given. My husband is from a large, Irish-Catholic family that couldn't afford to do very much, and didn't care, anyway! They didn't focus on birthdays and gifts and all that, and if they had the choice they would have spent every special day working at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen (which they often did). (It did make me feel very selfish and materialistic for wanting to have special birthday celebrations!) :)

 

Over the years, I've realized that my husband has always treated me special in so many, many ways, that birthdays really just aren't so important anymore. It's not worth it, in my case, to make that issue a big deal.

 

BUT...in your case, heck -- if they are all willing to do something but just don't know what, then I'd say just plan something! How about every year (and I liked the every year tradition thing, so no one has to think about it anymore!), go out for a haircut or manicure that afternoon, and then out to dinner at a nice restaurant in the evening. Or something like that. (I've never had a manicure myself but it sounds like a nice splurge!)

[LibraryLover]

I hate the center -of -attention thing. I don't even let the kids make a cake. For a Big 0 b'day, dh asked if I wanted to plan an outing with my girlfriends. Atlantic City or Foxwoods or something. I nearly died laughing. It was a sweet thought, but why would I want a party in a club or resturant with people giving me black balloons or laxatives? "You're sweet, baby. But heck no. We can got to Atlantic City alone, and I'll watch you play craps. Let's not even talk about this birthday." Turned out to be a great b'day. :D

 

Happy Birthday! I hope you get a chance to enjoy. :) What if you walk out of the house (nicely, with a bright smile) take a day for yourself, and not come back until the kids are in bed? Is your dh home?

Edited March 13, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Xilka]

This is why I've designed my perfect, worry-free birthday, to be repeated every year.

 

A nice breakfast with champagne.

 

A picnic lunch by the river with lots of beer.

 

That's it. I'm happy with that. And no thinking about it.

 

Maybe next year you could write a reminder about this a month or so before your day.

 

Happy Birthday btw! Hope you are/were well celebrated.

[ktgrok]

Well happy birthday. Not sure I can even comprehend that people get mad at others for wanting to celebrate their life. As for them not knowing what to get you, well...you don't know what you want, how should they? How about being REALLY grateful that they love you enough to want to celebrate your birth and life in some way that will please you? As for them being stressed out, well..you sound impossible to please, so yeah, that would be stressful.

 

Tell them you want a gift certificate to Amazon and dinner at Olive Garden, or have him pick up take out chinese, whatever. Just maybe stop being mad at your husband and kids for wanting to be nice to you.

[Pretty in Pink]

There must be something you enjoy or like, something that is your favorite X. What about going out for ice cream, donuts, a movie, making a bonfire, a favorite bottle of wine, your favorite kind of pie/cake/dessert/supper (I like it even more when the family cooks for me rather than going to a restaurant), a play/show/performance, a book, cd, some sort of gear for the outdoor activities that you do enjoy...

[Tap]

If you love late summer/fall, say this year you want to celebrate you 1/2 birthday instead! Plan a day after the kids go back to school, so the hiking trails are empty and you will be able to enjoy your self. Or pick a day closer to Labor Day if you love the energy of the crowds and tourists. GO HAVE FUN! Figure out when that will be and mark it on everyones calendar. You now have 6 months to plan your day.

[LibraryLover]

If you love late summer/fall, say this year you want to celebrate you 1/2 birthday instead! Plan a day after the kids go back to school, so the hiking trails are empty and you will be able to enjoy your self. Or pick a day closer to Labor Day if you love the energy of the crowds and tourists. GO HAVE FUN! Figure out when that will be and mark it on everyones calendar. You now have 6 months to plan your day.

 

 

Awesome idea. :)

[gingersmom]

At least they remembered.

 

Every single person in my extended family forgot it was my birthday. I sent them a nasty email to remind them days later.

[Kalypso]

Well happy birthday. Not sure I can even comprehend that people get mad at others for wanting to celebrate their life. As for them not knowing what to get you, well...you don't know what you want, how should they? How about being REALLY grateful that they love you enough to want to celebrate your birth and life in some way that will please you? As for them being stressed out, well..you sound impossible to please, so yeah, that would be stressful.

 

Tell them you want a gift certificate to Amazon and dinner at Olive Garden, or have him pick up take out chinese, whatever. Just maybe stop being mad at your husband and kids for wanting to be nice to you.

 

I really don't think that her post was meant to be taken this way. My birthday is also in a couple of days, and I understand exactly what she means. She doesn't want to plan her own birthday. There are some who may like to do this, but if she is like me, she would just like her family to do something to recognize her birthday without her input.

 

Now, I may misunderstand her too, but I wish my family would just plan dinner so I don't have to do it. I don't need gifts, but something small that they picked on their own would make me happy. It's probably not that she doesn't like them to recognize her birthday, it's the WAY her famly does it.

[Carol in Cal.]

Well happy birthday. Not sure I can even comprehend that people get mad at others for wanting to celebrate their life.

 

I don't think that this is what is making her mad. The problem is that her dh is approaching her angrily, as if she is messing up by not planning her own birthday celebration for them. If he gets angry at her because it's her birthday and he hasn't bothered to figure out what to do or make plans, it just makes her birthday that much worse.

[LibraryLover]

I don't think that this is what is making her mad. The problem is that her dh is approaching her angrily, as if she is messing up by not planning her own birthday celebration for them. If he gets angry at her because it's her birthday and he hasn't bothered to figure out what to do or make plans, it just makes her birthday that much worse.

 

 

I'd never trust my dh to plan my birthday. This is why I implimented the above posted stragety 16 years ago. It took him some time to understand that I hate parties for myself. Loathe. I don't have any problem being clear as a bell as to what i want. ;)

[runmiarun]

"What do you want? What do you want to do? Are we going our for dinner? Do you want to stay in? Where should we go? Everyone is asking. It's stressing me out. You need to pick something."

 

Really? MY birthday is stressing YOU out???? What about me? What about the fact that it's the one time of the year where everyone is all over me asking what I want? How should I know? You wait until the day before my birthday to start asking me this stuff while I'm in the middle of a history lesson with the kids. Really? Now?

 

And besides, I don't know what I want. I don't. I never do. I don't have hobbies. I don't have a favorite restaurant. I don't go shopping so I have no idea what is out there that I might want. I live in the PNW and most of what I like to do occurs during 3 months over the summer.... not in March... when it is raining or snowing outside.

 

What do I want???? I want to not do this once a year every year for the rest of my life.

 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

(I'm going to cut and paste this in an email to my hubby. We slog through this same quagmire every year. Even when I give him a list of the answers to his questions. If he doesn't like my answers, he keeps asking so I'll change my mind. Except we live in the deep south so we have a few more options for my fall birthday.)

Edited March 13, 2012 by runmiarun

[scrapbookbuzz]

Look them in the eye and say, "The new iPad, 64 gb 4g." Then continue your lesson. You've told them something, and if they do actually get you one, they are a ton of fun and very useful for HSing.

 

My DH knows not to do this or I will ask for the moon. It's how I got a spinning wheel for Christmas. :lol:

 

 

Oh, I LOVE this! I'm stealing this idea, just so you know!:D

[CAMom]

Love that!! Take the kids out. Let me be. I like hotel sex, which is why I let dh share my birthday. ;)

 

:lol::lol:You crack me up with your hotel sex! I'm pretty sure this has been a recurring theme.:lol::lol:

 

I told my dh over a year ago that I wanted to go to Vegas just him and me to stay at The Cosmopolitan. He promised it to me as a gift when I graduated our oldest from high school last spring. We're finally going in a few weeks! I'm pretty sure the hotel sex was his main motivation.:lol: It's even more valuable when you have teens in the house!;)

 

OP, sorry your birthday is such a stress inducing event. :grouphug: Happy Birthday!!

[LibraryLover]

We're finally going in a few weeks! I'm pretty sure the hotel sex was his main motivation.:lol: It's even more valuable when you have teens in the house!;)

 

QUOTE]

 

 

Yep. I have teens and a small house. :tongue_smilie:

[MomatHWTK]

My DH got the stomach flu on my birthday and spent the next two days in agony.

[mamajag]

:lol::lol:You crack me up with your hotel sex! I'm pretty sure this has been a recurring theme.:lol::lol:

 

I know it's been a good weekend if the maids whisper and look at each other in the way that says they think I'm there in a "professional" capacity. :D

[Melinda in VT]

I don't want to go out out to eat because it costs too darn much. I don't want gifts because I don't need anything (not even the lingerie my dh bought me one year. I threw it back at him and told him to use it to change the oil in the van. :glare:). I don't want fuss or attention or anything but to spend my bday in the normal way, please. Is that really too much to ask???

 

Seriously? Someone gave you a gift and you threw it back at him? :confused:

[Remudamom]

Woman up and decide what you want to do and make it a tradition, even if it's for everyone else to stay away and leave you alone. I think that's kinda mean though, especially for your children.

 

I have a May birthday and we have a tradition of the kids going to my favorite nursery and they each pick out something for my garden. I love it. Makes me very happy and I love seeing what they pick and to watch it growing year after year.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

can sooooo relate--dh always always (did i say always) waits till the last minute to try and find something for me for my birthday---I mean I'm not that hard to please but he always has a hard time finding anything.....and I have to listen to a few weeks of "I have to get you something for your birthday---what do you want?" drives me crazy

[melissel]

Seriously? Someone gave you a gift and you threw it back at him? :confused:

 

IME, unless the DH is darn sure that his wife loves lingerie, it is not actually a gift for the recipient. It's a gift for the giver. That's not the best birthday gift plan! It's like saying, "Happy birthday! I bought you this gift card to the car wash! Could you take my car through one day this week?"

 

My DH would probably get it handed back to him too. But then, he knows better than to do that to me! Now, if he were to buy me some lingerie on HIS birthday, that would a very different story :tongue_smilie:

 

------

 

OP, if it were me, I would go to DH and say, "What I really want for my birthday is for someone else to plan it and just expect me to show up. I don't need presents [unless you do], I just want to have my family together for a nice time. Let me know when to get dressed!" That's it. That's the present, really--the ability to just be able to show up at your own birthday. But that's just me, of course. I hope you manage to find a satisfactory solution. And happy birthday!

Edited March 13, 2012 by melissel

[LMD]

My DH likes to joke 'yay, happy birthday, you didn't die for another year'... :glare:

 

Birthdays aren't a big deal here, I'm still waiting to be taken out for my last birthday dinner - my birthday is now only a couple of months away again.

 

mamajag - :lol:

[m0mmaBuck]

There must be something you enjoy or like, something that is your favorite X. What about going out for ice cream, donuts, a movie, making a bonfire, a favorite bottle of wine, your favorite kind of pie/cake/dessert/supper (I like it even more when the family cooks for me rather than going to a restaurant), a play/show/performance, a book, cd, some sort of gear for the outdoor activities that you do enjoy...

 

Really there's just not.... I don't particularly enjoy going out to eat... pedicures... desserts.... Our house has so much crap in it (between our IT business, homeschooling, scouts, 3 kids, etc) that I can't possibly embrace the idea of one more item in here... I just honestly have no clue.

 

If you love late summer/fall, say this year you want to celebrate you 1/2 birthday instead! Plan a day after the kids go back to school, so the hiking trails are empty and you will be able to enjoy your self. Or pick a day closer to Labor Day if you love the energy of the crowds and tourists. GO HAVE FUN! Figure out when that will be and mark it on everyones calendar. You now have 6 months to plan your day.

 

I love this!

 

I really don't think that her post was meant to be taken this way. My birthday is also in a couple of days, and I understand exactly what she means. She doesn't want to plan her own birthday. There are some who may like to do this, but if she is like me, she would just like her family to do something to recognize her birthday without her input.

 

Now, I may misunderstand her too, but I wish my family would just plan dinner so I don't have to do it. I don't need gifts, but something small that they picked on their own would make me happy. It's probably not that she doesn't like them to recognize her birthday, it's the WAY her famly does it.

 

This is a big part of it... Why should I have to plan my own day? Why? I do everything else for everyone else around here and for one day/year I would like someone else to put a little thought into what might make me happy.

 

I don't think that this is what is making her mad. The problem is that her dh is approaching her angrily, as if she is messing up by not planning her own birthday celebration for them. If he gets angry at her because it's her birthday and he hasn't bothered to figure out what to do or make plans, it just makes her birthday that much worse.

 

And that's the other part... DH, MIL & FIL all get angry at me because I won't plan my own birthday celebration. Really? Angry with me? Because I won't do this for you too?

 

His family is HUGE into birthdays. The kids were always pulled out of school to do something special. Three huge meals of everything the person likes or wanted to eat, gifts, trips... My family would recognize the day with a gift and favorite dinner, but not at the level that DH's family EXPECTS. And I am expected to plan something for myself that lives up to their expectations... And they wait until the day before my 40th birthday to jump all over me about my lack of planning for said day.

 

I don't mean to sound spoiled or pouty, I just get tired of doing everything for everyone all of the time and then being expected to plan something grand for myself for my bday (because simple would never satisfy them).

[m0mmaBuck]

------

 

OP, if it were me, I would go to DH and say, "What I really want for my birthday is for someone else to plan it and just expect me to show up. I don't need presents [unless you do], I just want to have my family together for a nice time. Let me know when to get dressed!" That's it. That's the present, really--the ability to just be able to show up at your own birthday. But that's just me, of course. I hope you manage to find a satisfactory solution. And happy birthday!

 

I think this is what I may do. Put it back on him. Because I am almost in tears here and if one more family member nags me about the fact that I better get busy planning my day for them tomorrow, I will punch someone.

[fraidycat]

I wish my my family would stick to my list. No thought required.

 

For every occasion, they ask what I want. For every occasion, I tell them I want a CLEAN house - one where *I* do not have be the one to clean it. The last thing I want is another piece of "Stuff" taking up room in the house. Just dust, vacuum, make sure all dishes are put away, and scrub the toilets, please.

 

Clean House (by them) = Crown Jewels, apparently. :glare: Unattainable. Although, I retain hope. My birthday is next week. Maybe it'll happen this year.

 

I hope yours can figure something out for you and make it happen.

[TXBeth]

At least they remembered.

 

Every single person in my extended family forgot it was my birthday. I sent them a nasty email to remind them days later.

 

:001_rolleyes: Wow, that's sad. I don't expect other people's busy lives to revolve around me. I can understand being a little disappointed or hurt (especially if they usually acknowledge birthdays), but to go so far as to send a nasty e-mail? People don't OWE you anything (not even a phone call!) just because you happened to be born.

 

Seriously? Someone gave you a gift and you threw it back at him? :confused:

Yeah, I was a bit taken aback by this one, too.

[Mama Geek]

:grouphug:

I can relate although dh is not the problem, it is my MIL's. My b-day is close to Christmas so it happens double and usually starts in Oct. Give me your list, give me your list. I just want to say :chillpill:.

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Sometimes, it's nice if they just plan stuff and take us to it.

 

:iagree:

 

Sorry you're getting angst about your birthday.

 

My birthday is in May, my wish list is already on the fridge (as of yesterday). Amazon Prime and Amazon gift cards, yup, I'm easy. My love language is gifts. I've been disappointed too many times.

[ktgrok]

Really there's just not.... I don't particularly enjoy going out to eat... pedicures... desserts.... Our house has so much crap in it (between our IT business, homeschooling, scouts, 3 kids, etc) that I can't possibly embrace the idea of one more item in here... I just honestly have no clue.

 

 

 

I do everything else for everyone else around here and for one day/year I would like someone else to put a little thought into what might make me happy.

 

 

 

 

Ok, I get you don't want to plan. But look at the bolded above. You, who know you best, don't know what you want. Yet you think that with just a little thought other people should be able to figure out what you want. That doesn't make sense. If you have nothing you would like you sound hard to please, which is why people are leaving it up to you to figure out what you want. You have kind of done that to yourself, in my opinion, if you won't tell people what you like, want no gifts, don't want to go out to dinner, and don't want anything, really. No wonder they are having a hard time coming up with something on their own!

 

I really do wish you a happy birthday, but I think maybe you are missing why they can't figure out what to do for you.

[m0mmaBuck]

Ok, I get you don't want to plan. But look at the bolded above. You, who know you best, don't know what you want. Yet you think that with just a little thought other people should be able to figure out what you want. That doesn't make sense. If you have nothing you would like you sound hard to please, which is why people are leaving it up to you to figure out what you want. You have kind of done that to yourself, in my opinion, if you won't tell people what you like, want no gifts, don't want to go out to dinner, and don't want anything, really. No wonder they are having a hard time coming up with something on their own!

 

I really do wish you a happy birthday, but I think maybe you are missing why they can't figure out what to do for you.

 

I would be happy going out to dinner, I just don't want to have to be the one choosing the restaurant, the time, make the reservations, invite the guests, coordinate the schedules, etc.... Just pick somewhere based on places you know I like (there are plenty) and take me there.

 

As for being hard to please, I would be happy with a Starbucks card IF I don't have to tell them to buy me a Starbucks card. I would be happy with a JoAnn's gift card IF I don't have to tell them to buy one for me. I would be happy with a bouquet of hand-picked flowers, as long as... guess what.... I don't have to tell them to get them for me... right down to the exact flowers to buy because heaven forbid any of them just go do it. That is where my issue with thee whole thing comes in. My favorite gifts are things I didn't even know I wanted, not ones I "order" the day before my birthday. Does that make sense?