Vent: And THAT is why I hate my birthday.

[Tap]

If you like the idea of having a 1/2 birthday, can I make a suggestion?

 

Visit the Chamber of Commerce in your area. Pick up a bunch of brochures of places you would like to visit. Call or visit the parks department, do the same.

 

Fill a manila envelope with these and give them to Dh. Tell him that is his shopping pass. Pick one and plan it. Set the date you want and write it on the envelope(or let him surprise you but agree on a few dates now and write them down!) Tell him he is to pick one, with or without the kids and he is in charge of all the preparations for the day. ON THE ENVELOPE...write what he needs to plan.

 

Wash car/Put gas in car/vac out car

Breakfast

Backpack, supplies, first aid kits, meds

Snacks/drinks

Lunch/drinks

Snacks/drinks

Dinner/drinks

Dessert

Evening events?

 

 

Put every detail you expect him to plan, on the envelope.

 

 

You only have to do this once, and then he has the envelope to refer to next year and the year after.

 

If you are out shopping and see something you would like to have (a special backpack or such) clip the picture and put it in the envelope.

 

 

This will help him realize your expectations, and it can be fun to add things to the envelope throughout the year. You get to be surprised, but he has an idea of what you would like for him to do.

 

 

 

I get frustrated with dh when we are trying to leave for trip and he does his packing and then sits down. He completes his regular 'chores' but since I am home more than he is, I have more household chores. I now make a list of things that need to be done, and ask him to help me with it. There are many things that need to be done before we go like 'empty the very perishable in to the trash and take out the garbage' that are obvious to me, but since he doesn't usually do that, so it doesn't occur to him. The silent communication of the list makes it easier for me to organize what we need to do also, so there is a benefit all around. AND an added benefit is that I don't have to keep thinking of things for him to do verbally, like 'turn down the thermostat to 55*.' I keep saying I am going to computerize this list....lol but I just hand write one instead.

[BakersDozen]

 

Seriously? Someone gave you a gift and you threw it back at him?

Um, yes. And I would do it again if my dh was foolish enough to think I actually would want something like that. It was a totally self-centered thing for him to do and he knew it. We didn't get in a fight, I didn't do it in an ugly way, and he realized right quick that gifts should be about what the intended receiver wants/needs and not what the giver wants (or hopes to get). See my dh also thought I would actually want to wear the stupid stuff and dtd for MY bday. Nope. I know my reaction seems extreme yet it definitely set some clear boundaries that have been honored and understood since then (no lingerie, no bday s*x). It was a good thing, harsh as it seems. In return I do not give my dh things I would enjoy or want to use on his bday (chocolate comes to mind...).

[BakersDozen]

took me a lot of years to finally convince my husband that I really mean it when I say I don't want anyone to make a fuss. We've actually had the same discussion about Mother's Day. All I really want is for my family to be nice to me in relatively normal ways. (Don't bug me about laundry. Don't whine if I make a dinner that isn't your favorite. That sort of thing.) And, if we're really shooting for the moon, I'd love to get through the day without any of the other three family members arguing with each other while I'm in the room.

 

That's it. Until I get those things on a semi-regular basis on your average Tuesday, I have no interest in asking for more just because the calendar says it's my birthday.

This is what my family hears from me every year for bdays, Mother's Day, etc. One day set aside to treat Mom nice means about as much as a hill of beans, imo. Don't do something special just because Hallmark and the calendar say you should because it is rather insulting to me. I remember my parents showing affection toward each other only on holidays...totally hypocritical (I still hate Valentine's Day for that reason because the day after always meant a return to fighting).

 

I also don't like the idea that because I happened to be born on a certain day that I should be the center of attentioon or have some celebration. Not sure I've done anything in my life to deserve that and really, I just don't want the fuss or expected festivities. But that's just me. ;)