Jean in Newcastle Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 You know the old cliche of the husband bringing home flowers and/or chocolates to apologize to the wife and to regain her favor, is that true for you? It's not true for me. I don't know if it's because I don't hold grudges or because dh doesn't seem to feel like he needs to work to regain my favor, but he doesn't apologize with gifts. I'm curious as to what other people would say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) My DH doesn't do anything to regain my favor. He just thinks he is right, and that is that. Once in awhile, he will bring home flowers for no reason. I like flowers, except for roses (they are overpriced). So does the dog. Edited March 12, 2012 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I am with you. Flowers and/or chocolates are not in use here as apologies. My husband buys a lot of flowers but not for apology reasons. His apologies are sincere and he usually offers a massage if I am feeling stressed, so that is good. Better than chocolate to me anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 My DH doesn't do anything to regain my favor. He just thinks he is right, and that is that. :D Yes, and he's so secure in that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Flowers and chocolates around here are "I was thinking of you today" kind of gifts - mostly chocolate because I'm not big on flowers for other than a really special occasion (too much $$ for something to just die in a few days). If an apology needs to be made, I expect *real work*, like a massage or something that requires effort. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I had a boyfriend in college that would give me flowers to gain back my favor: but.... he never changed. Eventaully I grew to hate flowers and would throw his away without even looking at them. I made the mistake of telling this to Dh while we were dating to show that he needed to apologise and CHANGE his behavior, not try to bribe me. He took it to mean I did not like flowers at all. I have gotten flowers three times in out marriage (15yrs):001_huh:--- but none were for an apology. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carpe Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Chocolate totally works on me. And could be why I've gained ~60 lbs since marrying DH, although some of that could be the two kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 My dad use to bring flowers, balloons, and/or chocolate as an apology following his drunken stupidity. It didn't make me feel forgiving. DH isn't a gift-giving type of person. He's not really an apologizing type of person. He's more of a let me pretend to be busy or not hear you for a while until I'm calmed down enough to go back to life as if it never happened type of person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 What is this thing called "Apology"? If dh buys me flowers I prefer potted or picked (not purchased bouquet) If he bought me good chocolate....I would be quiet happy. I don't think he has ever brought home a yummy, with me in mind. He is not a putz, we just usually settle things before an apology is needed. Otherwise, we are more of a 'forgive and forget' type couple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Dh never does it as an apology, but will do it every once in a while just because. :001_wub: There are couples that do that, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Well, since I am allergic to numerous scents including some flowers and to chocolate and dh knows this he never brings either home for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 dh has only ever brought me flowers for "just thinking about you" moments - sometimes they've been from the garden. Chocolate is usually valentines or my birthday. He did recently buy me my favorite perfume (of which I was almost out) - but only because I hadn't replaced it yet. (I always wait to see what the "gift" offer's are for spending that much. ;)) He's never brought me a gift - of any type - as an apology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 A small box of chocolate sea shells can be a very accurate barometer. As I remind him now and then, I won't want to eat them until I like him again. But sometimes he brings those chokkies home just because he was feeling friendly. :) I buy my own flowers. ;) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 DH knows better than to bring home flowers :lol: He sometimes buys chocolate just "because" - or cheese.. yum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Ike's Vietnamese Fish Sauce Wings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 DH has never been one to buy flowers to apologize. He hardly ever does apologize on his own anyway. If I need an apology, I tell him, and he does his best. I always thought it was just the way he was, but after reading several replies stating the same, I guess it's more common than I thought. I have noticed that when he feels bad about something, he makes a special effort to take me out to enjoy a nice meal. The other day he was grump at me for not communicating to him our plans (FTR, I did communicate those plans, he just didn't take the time to listen to what I was telling him). Anyhow, when he got over it a couple of hours later, he took me to my favorite restaurant, the one he doesn't particularly care for because the food never agrees with his stomach. And he did end up getting sick, poor guy. And he never apologizes or says anything about why he took me there. I just noticed the pattern over the years and accepted it as his way of apologizing to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansamy Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I get flowers for our anniversary. One for each year we've been married. I got 14 this year! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Hubby knows he would be in MORE trouble if he wasted money on flowers or chocolate. I don't want money wasted on either. ;) He does apologize - often - when he's wrong about something or did something insensitive. I don't need "things" of any sort (jewelry or other "stuff" included). We get along quite well together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 No, we don't really do chocolates and flowers. Or rather, I buy my own chocolate and DH buys flowers because he likes them (he also has to put them in a vase and clear them away when they're past their best). When I'm really annoyed with him, DH usually starts tidying up some of his mess. If it's really serious he's even been known to vacuum :tongue_smilie:. Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 He doesn't bring them home to apologize, but "just because" sometimes. He knows after 30 years that a sincere, heartfelt "I'm sorry" is all I need in the way of an apology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I am not a flowers kind of gal. I don't hate them or anything, I just think that they are waste of money. My hubby knows that and takes it into account. Chocolate is ubiquitous at our house and therefore not a good item for an apology. My hubby rarely says he is wrong or he is sorry (nor do I for that matter) but he does a wonderful job of sucking up when need be. When we first dated, no kidding, my hubby bought me a card and candy or flowers every single day for months. It took me forever to convince him that I really am not a gift kind of gal. Gifts are not my love language. It's acts of service for me and I am happy with the simple things, like in the old days when you had to freeze you own ice, my hubby always made sure I had ice. It was the little things like that that endeared me to him and he knows it is the way back to my heart as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 You know the old cliche of the husband bringing home flowers and/or chocolates to apologize to the wife and to regain her favor, is that true for you? It's not true for me. I don't know if it's because I don't hold grudges or because dh doesn't seem to feel like he needs to work to regain my favor, but he doesn't apologize with gifts. I'm curious as to what other people would say. :lol::lol::lol: My husband hasn't brought me chocolate or flowers since we've been married for any reason. Seriously, gifts would not fix something really wrong, and I'd rather have a sincere apology for minor things, too. Flowers just because would be nice every five years or so, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 :D Yes, and he's so secure in that! Boggles the mind, doesn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 You know the old cliche of the husband bringing home flowers and/or chocolates to apologize to the wife and to regain her favor, is that true for you? It's not true for me. I don't know if it's because I don't hold grudges or because dh doesn't seem to feel like he needs to work to regain my favor, but he doesn't apologize with gifts. I'm curious as to what other people would say. Nope, not ever. Of course, my dh is so rarely out of favor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I get lots of flowers, but never as an apology. I love fresh cut flowers and orchids. If he screws up...he just tells me he's sorry. That's it..done. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Nope, doesn't work for me. My husband will do laundry or dishes. :D :iagree: Yeah, he vacuums! If he brought home flowers or chocolate, I'd say, "Oh NO! What did you do?" My husband is the type of guy who would apologize to stop a discussion, just because he thinks he "should", etc. I have trained him out of saying "I'm sorry" to me. I don't want his apology. I want an understanding for the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I don't want gifts with an apology. I want an apology. Chocolate and flowers because you were thinking of me, now taht is wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 No chocolate or flowers here, either. When dh apologizes for something just the apology is presented. As for small gifts, he brings me a Starbucks pumpkin latte about once a week during that time of the year. But it has nothing to do with trying to gain favor; it's just a nice thing he likes to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 No, it's not something that "works" for me. I'm always, always fighting a weight issue. So, chocolates are not often a good bet. And I dislike cut flowers, because I hate to watch things die. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I prefer a heart-felt apology and some quality time to flowers or chocolates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I get lots of flowers, but never as an apology. I love fresh cut flowers and orchids. If he screws up...he just tells me he's sorry. That's it..done. :001_smile: :iagree: My dh is quick to offer a sincere verbal apology. He brings me flowers sometimes, just because. :001_wub: He brought me a chocolate cake last month when I was feeling blue. That was a first, but truly appreciated. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I don't like Dh buying flowers.....way too pricey. I want an apology and his love. That is it. I don't like jewelry, I don't like flowers, chocolate I DO like, but not for an apology. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Not as an apology. He sends me flowers occasionally for no particular reason. He will very rarely apologize when he thinks I'm upset about something he did. Usually, he's wrong about what it is that has me upset, but if he's willing to apologize for something, I'm not going to stop him! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Nope, my dh used to send me flowers all the time when on his first few deployments because he felt guilty. I told him to stop because they are just a big waste of money. As for if he feels he's done something wrong, no gifts, just lots of groveling when he comes home from work. This groveling can include doing chores that I normally wouldn't ask him to help with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 My dh sent me flowers as an apology last year. It didn't work, especially since the discussion had been about money. I don't hate flowers, but I consider them a waste and they don't make me feel special, ya know. Dh knows this, but he will occasionally buy them anyway. It's like he feel obligated since he's a guy, which makes me feel obligated to swoon over them, which I don't do. I think he got the message last time because he asked me several times if I liked the flowers. Chocolate? I buy my own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Lynx Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 No. No flowers or chocolate for apologies. That's just not something we do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 We don't have the money for either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Back when DH was just Dboyfriend he routinely bought things as an apology to me. I quickly clued him I that giving gifts as an apology is my alcoholic father's MO, and that I wasn't some little twit to swoon over some gift and forget the original offense. I loathe emotional manipulation and gifts as apologies smack of that to me. DH and I don't fight often, he likes to irritate me because he thinks it is funny when I start spouting off. The combination of my southern accent eating thick and my Italian need to speak with my hands amuses him. The fact that I get over things fast makes his life very easy. He's learned all he needs to do is get me laughing, and I'm over it. On the rare occasion that DH admits he is wrong, he issues an apology. And on the even rarer occasion when he has actually pushed me past the point of irritated, I insist he re-issue it as a real apology* and remind him that words are nice but what I rally want is for him to cut it out. *DH is famous for issuing "I'm sorry you are somehow the cause for whatever you're irritated about" apologies. Since I started really calling him on it over 10 years ago it has become something of a joke and he'll do it just to make me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I LOVE to be bribed. Flowers, chocolate, dinner out. Horses, tack and chickens also make the list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I don't want stuff. I want a heartfelt apology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimmy Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 DH enjoys giving gifts. He has given me flowers a few times after he's realized he did something rude, but it's not something that either of us feel like he needs to do to win back my favor. Giving gifts is just one of the primary ways he feels comfortable expressing affection. I had a horrible week recently and he made me a pie, which was super thoughtful. I think like a lot of men he feels like he doesn't know what to say but wants to DO something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I don't care much about gifts. I don't really like chocolates and I'm allergic to most flowers. I don't even like jewelry. I'd rather he just say he's sorry and mean it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 I'm glad that I asked. I feel so much better since so many of your marriages are just like mine! I wonder how that got to be a cliche? Perhaps it was more common in years past? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Not as an apology here either, but I do get them on special days. I guess what DH does if he feels badly about something is he'll clean the house, do laundry, take care of the dishes, etc. When he was unemployed, he basically took over maintenance of the house. I haven't exactly taken it back. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 My ex only did the "bribery as apology" once - he got me a brand spanking new (then) Playstation 2. I had really wanted one, and he had just sold my car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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