HappyLady Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Do you avoid them if your children are very young? I try not to let it stop us from going to events held in homes that aren't child proofed, but sometimes the aggravation just isn't worth the effort it takes to watch my DS (16 months). Case in point, my BIL and SIL invited us to their Super Bowl party. We have no interest in going because we don't follow football, but we don't want to be rude and figure we could at least stop by. The problem is, their house is probably the worst house to go to with our children. They have a wood burning stove (their sole source of heat) that has no barriers of any kind around it. My DD knows better not to go near it, but my DS doesn't. My SIL has all sorts of breakables and antiques EVERYWHERE so her putting them away for us really isn't an easy option. My BIL grows and sells hot pepper items (and by hot, I mean his customers have to sign a waiver before he'll sell them to people because they are HOT) and said foods are EVERYWHERE. He puts them out at every party and most of the time it's hot veggies. Seeing as my kids love veggies I have to make sure neither one of them grab those veggies to eat. It's just such a pain to go there, but I don't want to look rude and turn down most invitations from them. WWYD? Go, but only for a short while and do nothing but watch your kids the whole time, or just tell them the truth and that it's too difficult to keep our kids safe in their home? BTW, they don't have children so have no idea what it's like to deal with these issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I remember being very, very nervous when we'd go to visit DH's grandparents when DD was young-not so much because I was afraid something would hurt her, but because there were so many pretty, easily broken items right at a toddler's eye range. It was exhausting to spend even a few hours. I also now, find myself on the other side-DD has several friends who have toddler siblings, and while it's nice to get together and have coffee with another mom while the kids play, the fact is that my youngest child is 7, and is seriously into legos and crafts and the like. There's very little that she plays with that is toddler safe, to say the least, so even when the other mom is relaxed and saying "Oh, he plays with his sister's ponies all the time" (or whatever), I'm scared to death that the baby is going to choke to death on a minifig! I don't have a good answer either way, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 With a 16 month old, I would expect to be occupied with my child the whole time and to watch him - which means, I would not be able to socialize much. That's just a reality with children in any house that does not house little ones. My parents have stairs, antiques, sharp corners, electrical outlets - when my kids were little and we were visiting, one adult had to watch the kids at all times. Which usually worked out quite well. I have never been in a house that was completely childproof for kids of that age. Not even my own was. I would take enough toys to occupy my kid, so that he had something safe to play with where I could watch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 If I felt it was unsafe for the kids (as it sounds in this case) I'd go as little as possible. In the case of a super bowl party..isn't that too late for little kids bedtimes anyway? I'd send hubby, beg off for kid bedtimes for the rest of us, and hope hubby and the rest have a great time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 It's just such a pain to go there, but I don't want to look rude and turn down most invitations from them. WWYD? Go, but only for a short while and do nothing but watch your kids the whole time, or just tell them the truth and that it's too difficult to keep our kids safe in their home? I'd be up front about how difficult it is to manage your kids there, and I would word it that way too. The way you worded it above makes it sound like they are doing something wrong. They are just living life without kids. I would say, "We'd love to spend more time at your house, but ds is at an age where he is in to everything. I'm worried something will get broken, or he'll eat something he shouldn't. He moves so fast- it would be just my luck that he'd touch the stove or get hot peppers in his eyes." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 We generally stayed away. I figured that the reason to visit others was to enjoy the time together, and I can't do that if I am having to stalk my children making sure they don't break the priceless glass collection or their own leg. Better no visit than a horrible one with hurt feelings and a call to the insurance agent. DH and I split the duty for such things. If it is his side of the family or his friends etc then he goes and I stay with the kids and vice versa. It is totally typical for people to say things like "well, the kids are a little young for such and such, but we would love to have you over another time. That way, we can sit and chat and be relaxed." Yes, they might complain, but isn't that the main complain from people who don't have kids about their now child-ridden friends, that they can't do anything anymore? It is a short period of time and it passes. Maybe when you are emerging, the childless will be parents and they will then understand your constraints. And, FWIW, dh and I came up with the 'no childproofed houses' after a couple totally disastrous accepted invitations by people who swore up and down "oh, we love kids. Really, there isn't anything here a two year old could mess with." And my kids are good kids who were well behaved at two. Yeah.... like I said..glass collection...on coffee tables...cactus left at toddler level... open cans of paint in the hallway... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 If I felt it was unsafe for the kids (as it sounds in this case) I'd go as little as possible. In the case of a super bowl party..isn't that too late for little kids bedtimes anyway? I'd send hubby, beg off for kid bedtimes for the rest of us, and hope hubby and the rest have a great time. They're starting the party at 3. These people like to party. :glare: Usually I do make my DH go alone and then when the kids are in bed I get the house to myself. :lol: But I just feel bad doing that and wondered if that's what most people do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 But I just feel bad doing that and wondered if that's what most people do. I don't know about most, but a lot do. Don't think twice. Heck, there are friends of DH that I haven't seen in years. Awww...too bad. And right now, I am trying to think of a way to only send DH to a party thrown by his parents at their country club (puke) at 6pm. My kids go to bed at 7:30. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) With a 16 month old, I would expect to be occupied with my child the whole time and to watch him - which means, I would not be able to socialize much. That's just a reality with children in any house that does not house little ones. My parents have stairs, antiques, sharp corners, electrical outlets - when my kids were little and we were visiting, one adult had to watch the kids at all times. Which usually worked out quite well.I have never been in a house that was completely childproof for kids of that age. Not even my own was. I would take enough toys to occupy my kid, so that he had something safe to play with where I could watch. :iagree: When our kids were small, one of us was *constantly* with the children at others' houses. I didn't expect the homeowners do anything different, nor did we bow out of any social engagements due to non-childproofed homes. That just kind of seems like part of the deal for that season of childhood and parenting. Edited January 31, 2012 by sparrow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 No, we don't avoid them. We use it as an opportunity to teach boundaries to our children that are old enough to teach. For the ones that are still little, we simply are diligent parents. My BIL had a woodstove with no barrier. He has as many kids as we do and when we used to get together, there were twice as many kids in the house...not a single child has gotten burned. We are in an area where most people grow up without "childproofing". Kids play in barns, no one cushions corners of tables, etc. Mostly, it's common sense parenting. We used to take our children to a single aunt's house with all kinds of breakables, a glass and wood coffee table, and she was particular that each knick knack stay in exact place (even on the coffee table). The kids learned to walk with care and otherwise sit on the sofa. For the same reasons, we do not avoid restaurants. It's another great learning opportunity for manners and courtesy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 No, we don't avoid them. We use it as an opportunity to teach boundaries to our children that are old enough to teach. For the ones that are still little, we simply are diligent parents. My BIL had a woodstove with no barrier. He has as many kids as we do and when we used to get together, there were twice as many kids in the house...not a single child has gotten burned. We are in an area where most people grow up without "childproofing". Kids play in barns, no one cushions corners of tables, etc. Mostly, it's common sense parenting. We used to take our children to a single aunt's house with all kinds of breakables, a glass and wood coffee table, and she was particular that each knick knack stay in exact place (even on the coffee table). The kids learned to walk with care and otherwise sit on the sofa. For the same reasons, we do not avoid restaurants. It's another great learning opportunity for manners and courtesy. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 We didn't really. However, just a couple of times, I had the experience where we were in an unbabyproofed home where the people really not accommodating. They didn't want us to move their expensive Ming vase so the babies couldn't smash it kind of thing. When I visited a home with my kids as babies, I expected to be able to move a couple of things (within reason) to protect them and my kids. I've heard nightmare stories from others about that being a family member's home. So, if that was the case, I probably would have avoided more. The safety thing would be more of an issue. But my boys really listened about things like that from a pretty young age - don't go near the edge, in the street, near the stove kinds of things were things they were really good about from the time they could walk - within reason - but I didn't have to freak out because they were constantly pushing those limits. If they had been different, again, maybe it would have been different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MegP Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 No, we don't avoid them. We use it as an opportunity to teach boundaries to our children that are old enough to teach. For the ones that are still little, we simply are diligent parents. My BIL had a woodstove with no barrier. He has as many kids as we do and when we used to get together, there were twice as many kids in the house...not a single child has gotten burned. We are in an area where most people grow up without "childproofing". Kids play in barns, no one cushions corners of tables, etc. Mostly, it's common sense parenting. We used to take our children to a single aunt's house with all kinds of breakables, a glass and wood coffee table, and she was particular that each knick knack stay in exact place (even on the coffee table). The kids learned to walk with care and otherwise sit on the sofa. For the same reasons, we do not avoid restaurants. It's another great learning opportunity for manners and courtesy. Exactly. I just taught my toddlers to only touch toys, and nothing else. If you do this at home, then they know not to touch the remote and ming vase at someone else's home. It is just courtesy to the host or hostess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I have a sweet friend who is in here 70's I love going to her older house, full of treasures from all over the world. She loves kids and at the same time realizes her house does have lots of breakables. I have take my kids there on occasions. Once was a party for my MIL who was undergoing Chemo. She did have some toys for them and my kids knew how to act. We have gone on other days and the boys love exploring her outside, and thankfully she childproofed her goldfish pond. I think their favorite memory was shooting snakes with her husband. Sometime when they are a little younger like your 16 month old you better believe I am their shadow teaching them what they can and can't do. Visiting my DH's grandma was always a chore and we made sure to bring toys and keep our visits shorter, but again that was just part of life. We also have a wood stove and if at 16 months old your child doesn't know what hot is I would use this as a teaching moment. We usually gate around it with those hexagon plastic gates for the first winter when baby is crawling and thing maybe the next winter. Then they are pretty good and know HOT! Don't touch. If food is an issue just bring their own lunchboxes with snacks. My kids love lunchables and they make great treats in situations like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Do you avoid them if your children are very young? I try not to let it stop us from going to events held in homes that aren't child proofed, but sometimes the aggravation just isn't worth the effort it takes to watch my DS (16 months). Case in point, my BIL and SIL invited us to their Super Bowl party. We have no interest in going because we don't follow football, but we don't want to be rude and figure we could at least stop by. The problem is, their house is probably the worst house to go to with our children. They have a wood burning stove (their sole source of heat) that has no barriers of any kind around it. My DD knows better not to go near it, but my DS doesn't. My SIL has all sorts of breakables and antiques EVERYWHERE so her putting them away for us really isn't an easy option. My BIL grows and sells hot pepper items (and by hot, I mean his customers have to sign a waiver before he'll sell them to people because they are HOT) and said foods are EVERYWHERE. He puts them out at every party and most of the time it's hot veggies. Seeing as my kids love veggies I have to make sure neither one of them grab those veggies to eat. It's just such a pain to go there, but I don't want to look rude and turn down most invitations from them. WWYD? Go, but only for a short while and do nothing but watch your kids the whole time, or just tell them the truth and that it's too difficult to keep our kids safe in their home? BTW, they don't have children so have no idea what it's like to deal with these issues. I'd tell them the truth, that it's just too hard to watch your kids there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Exactly. I just taught my toddlers to only touch toys, and nothing else. If you do this at home, then they know not to touch the remote and ming vase at someone else's home. It is just courtesy to the host or hostess. :iagree: We honestly barely child-proofed our own home. I just taught the twins not to touch things, we had a pellet stove with no gate and stairs with no gate. When they were really little I just was always with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 can't you just send your dh and older kid? I would avoid a home like that with a child as young as yours is. If they ask why, I would tell them exactly why and tell them that you look forward to visiting when the small one is older. Remember that this phase of life passes quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Do you avoid them if your children are very young? I try not to let it stop us from going to events held in homes that aren't child proofed, but sometimes the aggravation just isn't worth the effort it takes to watch my DS (16 months). Case in point, my BIL and SIL invited us to their Super Bowl party. We have no interest in going because we don't follow football, but we don't want to be rude and figure we could at least stop by. The problem is, their house is probably the worst house to go to with our children. They have a wood burning stove (their sole source of heat) that has no barriers of any kind around it. My DD knows better not to go near it, but my DS doesn't. My SIL has all sorts of breakables and antiques EVERYWHERE so her putting them away for us really isn't an easy option. My BIL grows and sells hot pepper items (and by hot, I mean his customers have to sign a waiver before he'll sell them to people because they are HOT) and said foods are EVERYWHERE. He puts them out at every party and most of the time it's hot veggies. Seeing as my kids love veggies I have to make sure neither one of them grab those veggies to eat. It's just such a pain to go there, but I don't want to look rude and turn down most invitations from them. WWYD? Go, but only for a short while and do nothing but watch your kids the whole time, or just tell them the truth and that it's too difficult to keep our kids safe in their home? BTW, they don't have children so have no idea what it's like to deal with these issues. Since you said you don't really care about football but you'd like to stop by so you don't appear rude . . . why not just stop by? You can watch your toddler, make your appearance, stay for 45 mins. or so and then beg off to get home (nap time, you know). An alternative would be to get a sitter for a few hours in the afternoon. You wouldn't have to stay for the whole game. My inlaws had all sorts of knickknacks and breakables, and we were there several times a week. We had a wood stove that we used occasionally. Our home (or theirs) wasn't particularly childproofed with the exception of household cleaners stored up high, and some electrical outlets plugged up. My first child was very docile; looking back, I suppose it's a miracle my second survived (or I survived parenting him!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I definitely avoid non-childproofed homes. It's just too exhausting to be in hyper-parenting mode outside of our home environment. Our ILs have a nonchildproofed home, and it is tough to be there. They expect me to socialize and help feed the crew while I'm there, and I can't do that and constantly monitor everyone. I also haven't figured out how to nurse my babies and monitor my toddlers at the same time. I suppose I could walk around while nursing, but that's not something I generally do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 If i went I'd only stay a short while, as you can't socialize and chase him at the same time. Sure, I suppose being burnt is a good lesson, but is it worth a possible scar or 3rd degree burn? Especially when they don't have a stove themselves? And if she is "teaching lessons" the whole time she won't be able to socialize anyway. Better to teach those lessons when they are old enough to understand. Or maybe my toddlers just weren't as advanced as others, lol. The idea of a 16 month old sitting on a couch in a strange house for any length of time seems a bit out of reach to me. For 30 minutes maybe, but not for hours. And never touching anything but toys? Ever? how on earth do they even know what are toys and what are not? I can't imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) Can you hold the 16mo? I'm thinking back, and that is pretty much what I did--carried her around, went outside to run around and then came back in, took turns with DH. Mostly it would be cuddle time, and I would make sure I was including her in the conversation. I would also bring one of those Little People houses and set it up right near my chair so the 16mo could play with it and talk quietly with me about it. The nice thing about those is how portable they are. I would also use the occasion as a teaching tool. Kids do have to learn that wood stoves are too hot to touch if you live in an area where they are common. That takes some work, though; clearly you can't just tell a 16mo to stay away and then trust that he will do so. At that age you have to be on them all the time. If you don't want to have to watch over them like that, get a sitter--it's mid-day, so that should work out pretty well. I think that it's really important to be a 'yes person' with family if possible, and keep those ties up. Edited January 31, 2012 by Carol in Cal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I have twin 14mo toddlers who get into everything and don't even vaguely comprehend the notion of don't touch. And always run in opposite directions. They also hate being carried or restrained in any way. And if you take something away they scream. If you move them away from a danger source, they run immediately back to it when you put them down, even if you try to distract them with a toy. Yes, we avoid un-baby-proofed houses when possible. It takes two adults focusing 100% on the twins in those situations, and that means no one gets to socialize and someone else has to deal with any of DD's needs. It also means that about 50% of the time one of them will be screaming because they can't climb the woodstove or climb in the ming vase. It's really not fair to anyone. We do work on boundaries at home, but they are a long way from understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iquilt Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 MIL never baby proofed anything and we survived all three as toddlers visiting there for a week at a time. Toddlers are tough and tiring and it sounds like a quick visit for you and the toddler would be the best idea. I would also consider just sending your dh to the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeetime Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 With a 16 month old, I would expect to be occupied with my child the whole time and to watch him - which means, I would not be able to socialize much. That's just a reality with children in any house that does not house little ones. My parents have stairs, antiques, sharp corners, electrical outlets - when my kids were little and we were visiting, one adult had to watch the kids at all times. Which usually worked out quite well.I have never been in a house that was completely childproof for kids of that age. Not even my own was. I would take enough toys to occupy my kid, so that he had something safe to play with where I could watch. :iagree: When our kids were small, one of us was *constantly* with the children at others' houses. I didn't expect the homeowners do anything different, nor did we bow out of any social engagements due to non-childproofed homes. That just kind of seems like part of the deal for that season of childhood and parenting. No, we don't avoid them. We use it as an opportunity to teach boundaries to our children that are old enough to teach. For the ones that are still little, we simply are diligent parents. My BIL had a woodstove with no barrier. He has as many kids as we do and when we used to get together, there were twice as many kids in the house...not a single child has gotten burned. We are in an area where most people grow up without "childproofing". Kids play in barns, no one cushions corners of tables, etc. Mostly, it's common sense parenting. We used to take our children to a single aunt's house with all kinds of breakables, a glass and wood coffee table, and she was particular that each knick knack stay in exact place (even on the coffee table). The kids learned to walk with care and otherwise sit on the sofa. For the same reasons, we do not avoid restaurants. It's another great learning opportunity for manners and courtesy. If food is an issue just bring their own lunchboxes with snacks. My kids love lunchables and they make great treats in situations like that. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I have 5 children, and we have never childproofed our house, so no I don't expect other houses we visit to be childproofed either. It has never been an issue, because we do not leave toddlers or babies unattended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I totally forgot but Ergos or other baby carriers rock in this situation. I can strap my baby on, they will fall asleep or at least be out of reach of things for a while while I catch a break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I have twin 14mo toddlers who get into everything and don't even vaguely comprehend the notion of don't touch. And always run in opposite directions. They also hate being carried or restrained in any way. And if you take something away they scream. If you move them away from a danger source, they run immediately back to it when you put them down, even if you try to distract them with a toy. Yes, we avoid un-baby-proofed houses when possible. It takes two adults focusing 100% on the twins in those situations, and that means no one gets to socialize and someone else has to deal with any of DD's needs. It also means that about 50% of the time one of them will be screaming because they can't climb the woodstove or climb in the ming vase. It's really not fair to anyone. We do work on boundaries at home, but they are a long way from understanding. Twins are a different ball game. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MegP Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 If you can't supervise, maybe it would work to bring a playpen or play yard and keep them contained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 We just brought along a pack and play and plenty of toys so we could keep the smallest one contained. The older of the two was easier to watch. Still my kids have broken things at my aunts house just as I did when I was little and my friends' kids did at my house when they were little. Most people who invite ppl with kids understand the risks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Or maybe my toddlers just weren't as advanced as others, lol. The idea of a 16 month old sitting on a couch in a strange house for any length of time seems a bit out of reach to me. For 30 minutes maybe, but not for hours.. My toddlers are/were behind as well. :D I have a 15mo right now, and he has no interest in sitting still or in playing with toys. He wants to have something in his hand while he is walking, running, or climbing. He doesn't resemble any of the other toddlers mentioned in this thread, but he does resemble the other four toddlers I survived. Maybe dh & I have some defective genes. :D And never touching anything but toys? Ever? how on earth do they even know what are toys and what are not? I can't imagine. Sigh. This is what I struggle with too. My ILs, for example, have many things which the kids aren't allowed to touch, but those things would not be off limits at our house. How is my 15mo supposed to understand the difference? My older kids certainly can, but my toddler isn't swift enough. My MILs extensive pig collection is precious to her, but I usually consider stuffed, plastic, wooden, or metal pigs to be toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 It is not rude to turn down an invitation. Just sayin'. :-) We didn't avoid homes that weren't child-proof. I'm not sure that my own house was "child proof." OTOH, most of our friends also had children, so maybe it just wasn't an issue for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 It was never an issue for me when ds was very young. I don't micromanage other people's lives, not even my own kid's life. I figured that other people's home would probably have stuff that ds would get into, but it was my job to keep an eye out for my kid and take away unsafe from him. It wasn't that hard -- at least not any more work that all the stuff I'd have to take away from him when he was at home. Little kids just have a way of getting into everything, no matter how "safe" you make your house. At any rate, I didn't expend much energy worrying about it or fussing over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I have 5 children, and we have never childproofed our house, so no I don't expect other houses we visit to be childproofed either. It has never been an issue, because we do not leave toddlers or babies unattended. :iagree: us too...but...there's not baby proofed and not baby proofed. I will no longer take my children to stay at the house certain (borderline hoarders) relatives live in. There are just too many dangerous things that aren't found in normal houses and therefore neither the children nor I can anticipate the possible dangers. For example we have a stock pot that is too big for any of our cupboards so when the last time we stayed there I was doing laundry with the toddler right next to me I didn't think much of the big pot on the floor next to the washing machine. A bit messy, but perhaps they had the same problem with fitting in the cupboards. I did not expect it to be full of random chemicals from a home-dying experiment. I certainly didn't expect that the experimenter could not remember what she put in there and I certainly did not appreciate the toddler's first ER trip (he is an everything in the mouth kind of guy and couldn't reliably tell me he didn't taste it). So we visit, briefly and preferably with both adults attending to the children. If those relatives want out full attention we ask them out for coffee/a meal, I can relax in a restaurant more than at their house. As for normal houses including our own, I expect to be able to move a couple of things if visiting without offending the host. If anyone was offended by me trying to keep their possessions and my children safe we probably wouldn't remain friends for long. I'm also happy to pack up what is needed when children at different stages (crawling babes for example) visit us. If your bro & SIL can't be accommodating to that degree I wouldn.t go. If it's a simple matter of moving a few things, bringing some stuff to entertain your children then I would ta to them candidly about your concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 My toddlers are/were behind as well. :D I have a 15mo right now, and he has no interest in sitting still or in playing with toys. He wants to have something in his hand while he is walking, running, or climbing. He doesn't resemble any of the other toddlers mentioned in this thread, but he does resemble the other four toddlers I survived. Maybe dh & I have some defective genes. :D Sigh. This is what I struggle with too. My ILs, for example, have many things which the kids aren't allowed to touch, but those things would not be off limits at our house. How is my 15mo supposed to understand the difference? My older kids certainly can, but my toddler isn't swift enough. My MILs extensive pig collection is precious to her, but I usually consider stuffed, plastic, wooden, or metal pigs to be toys. I'm glad to see something else say that-one reason why it was so stressful to be at my DH's grandparents' house is that a lot of the things that were "no, don't touch", but right at toddler eye level were dolls. Beautifully made, beautifully dressed antique dolls. It's kind of hard for a toddler to understand why HER dollies are OK to play with, but grandma's dollies aren't. So I spent the entire time hovering over her and trying to keep her occupied, and even though she was a well-behaved kid for a toddler, it was still exhausting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 If i went I'd only stay a short while, as you can't socialize and chase him at the same time. Sure, I suppose being burnt is a good lesson, but is it worth a possible scar or 3rd degree burn? Especially when they don't have a stove themselves? And if she is "teaching lessons" the whole time she won't be able to socialize anyway. Better to teach those lessons when they are old enough to understand. Or maybe my toddlers just weren't as advanced as others, lol. The idea of a 16 month old sitting on a couch in a strange house for any length of time seems a bit out of reach to me. For 30 minutes maybe, but not for hours. And never touching anything but toys? Ever? how on earth do they even know what are toys and what are not? I can't imagine. I have slow learners too. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 :iagree: When our kids were small, one of us was *constantly* with the children at others' houses. I didn't expect the homeowners do anything different, nor did we bow out of any social engagements due to non-childproofed homes. That just kind of seems like part of the deal for that season of childhood and parenting. :iagree: It would never have dawned on me not to go to a non-childproofed house, nor to put all of the breakables out of reach in my own home. My ds learned early on what he could and could not play with, and when we were visiting friends or family, either my dh and I kept a constant eye on him. I would never think of allowing a 16 month-old to roam around anyone's home, and would be quite annoyed if someone turned one loose in my house and didn't watch the kid's every move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail4476 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I would just skip it until your son is older. It isn't rude to say something like, "______ is going through a very 'busy' phase--he has his hands, mouth and toes into everything right now. We're going to skip the party this time. You guys have fun, though! We'll be cheering for the ______ from our house!" If you MUST go, I would keep it short and keep your ds in your arms or right by your side the whole time. Which is no fun for him, really, and that would be why I would lean toward having a toddler-friendly party at home. :) I do understand the frustration, but it really isn't their job to baby proof their home until they have a baby. ;) FWIW, other than plugins, putting away poisons, and the baby's rooms, we didn't really baby-proof our home either. Babies/Toddlers need your undivided attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubamama Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Well, we really weren't child proofers (had the sizzlin' coal stove in the living room un-gated) but we had a tiny house and I was always there...and they kind of followed me like the FBI follows a criminal all day. I couldn't get away! But I'd never expect other folks to child proof their home if I was coming either. I would be offended if someone turned a kid loose in my house and didn't watch them and expected it to be perfectly safe. That's unreasonable. Kids can and do get into all kinds of dangerous/foolish situations. Believe me, I hated following my kids every move on visits to my in laws - I hardly spoke to an adult and I had to cope with things like a chain saw in the living room ( ?! ), a computer in tiny pieces on the coffee table, and my favorite - the medications kept on the end table with the remotes. In one of those S M T W Th F pop top containers....I was ready to lose my mind. We all survived. :glare: I'd drop in say hi and hit the road after about 45 minutes. Or when your personal level of tolerance has been reached! Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 :iagree: It would never have dawned on me not to go to a non-childproofed house, nor to put all of the breakables out of reach in my own home. My ds learned early on what he could and could not play with, and when we were visiting friends or family, either my dh and I kept a constant eye on him. I would never think of allowing a 16 month-old to roam around anyone's home, and would be quite annoyed if someone turned one loose in my house and didn't watch the kid's every move. :iagree: We didn't even child-proof our own home, other than to put a gate across the kitchen doorway so that I could cook without anyone tripping me up. And my little dc never ate anything without asking me first (that was our rule,) so having food around wasn't a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 And my little dc never ate anything without asking me first (that was our rule,) so having food around wasn't a problem. I must be living in an alternate universe. My 15mo puts everything into his mouth. He doesn't yet know how to distinguish an allowable mouthing toy from unallowable other objects. We have a rule about putting things in his mouth, but I think he has to either outgrow the desire or be told another 1,000 times before it sinks in. My ILs have these bright, shiny blue glass grapes right at toddler eye level. The sun catches on them and makes them look very pretty and appealing. My toddler loves to eat grapes. Guess what he thinks he should put in his mouth? He screams a lot over those grapes. His screaming makes everyone miserable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I must be living in an alternate universe. My 15mo puts everything into his mouth. He doesn't yet know how to distinguish an allowable mouthing toy from unallowable other objects. We have a rule about putting things in his mouth, but I think he has to either outgrow the desire or be told another 1,000 times before it sinks in.. I'm in your universe. My DD put one or two suspectnthings in her mouth, I freaked out (scared, not angry) she never did it again. End of story. Cool, this parenting thing is easy... Not so my DS. At 31 months he is just starting to consider that perhaps he shouldn't always put every new thing he finds straight into his mouth. We've said it to him easily more than 10000 times. His sister seriously panics. She has been known to tackle him & sit on him whike screaming for me because he was heading for a bush with suspect berries. To imagine him at 15/16 months asking me ifhe could eat before he put something in his mouth :lol: Yup, alternate reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 My kids were widely spaced so it was generally only one at a time. By the time my second was born and walking, my oldest was 5 1/2. By the time the third was walking, my second was almost 4 1/2. So I only had one at a time to worry about and we would take turns watching the little one or by the time of the third, her 8.75 year old brother could watch her too. I don't have a child safe home. I never really had one specifically- just minor things like putting away household cleaners, making sure medicines were up high (though that didn't work with child two and neither did special latches on cabinets so we had to take other means to keep her safe). I trained the kids and corraled them when I couldn;t watch them- if they are little can you bring a portable play pen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I must be living in an alternate universe. My 15mo puts everything into his mouth. He doesn't yet know how to distinguish an allowable mouthing toy from unallowable other objects. We have a rule about putting things in his mouth, but I think he has to either outgrow the desire or be told another 1,000 times before it sinks in. Each child is different. My first never put anything in his mouth...never! I could also lay him on a blanket in the middle of the yard while hanging laundry and he would not leave the blanket (he didn't like the feel of grass). On the other hand, I have had one that kept trying to go down stairs and even babygates didn't stop him :glare: and another that was a hoover like your child. It can be tough. Again, I didn't avoid, but yes, I did have to be diligent and it meant DH having most of the fun (though he'd sometimes relieve me so I could enjoy as well). OP might want to just skip or shorten her stay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) I have often wondered why none of my kids never put things in their mouths other than food. By their first birthday, they were playing with playmobile and barbie accessories appropriately. They never had pacifiers or bottles either, so I wonder if it just never occurred to them to put an object in their mouths. On the other hand, they may just naturally be less oral. Dh and I don't really expect to have a rest or time off when we still have young children in the house. Someone is always right there interacting with the baby or toddler. I remember once when Miss Bossy was 3. She was playing in the playroom while I cooked dinner. She looked up, realized she was alone and screamed"No One is WATCHING Me!" When Miss Good was almost a year old, I kept her with me at the hospital where my dad was a patient for 2 weeks. It was hard, I had to hold her while I showered, hold her while I slept in an upright wooden chair, hold her while I carried meals up and down the elevator. She really never cried or fussed at all. She is accustomed to being held a lot, and I noticed her language skills really exploded during that time of intense togetherness. In October and November when she was almost 2, we worked at a giant outdoor festival every weekend. I needed to help my oldest, so I paid my 13 year old to watch my youngest two. There were horse drawn carriages coming down the path, a lake, plenty of strangers and drunk people, but I knew she would do a great job, and she did. Interesting, Miss Good's language skills again grew by leaps and bounds during that period. She learned her colors and started speaking in complete, descriptive sentences. I'm not writing this to boast. I'm just trying to explain another perspective. Homes with baby gates and coffee table bumpers, and child locks seem very foreign to me. If you come to my house, with a toddler, there are things that I don't want touched or broken within his reach. I wouldn't even think to move them, because I assume you will be watching your child. If he does something inappropriate, I assume you will explain it to him, redirect him, or distract him. It wouldn't occur to me that you would feel like this is extra work because I'm my world, that is just parenting, and I expect to be doing that constantly until my children are old enough not to need it any longer. Edited February 1, 2012 by amy g. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Wow, some of these responses are really sanctimonious. "I can't imagine why it would be a problem - I simply taught my child to have good judgment and restraint by the age of 15 months!" Jeez, why didn't the OP think of that? :001_rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I remember many times where we went to someone's house and my husband would socialize and I would walk around watching behind my toddler watching his every move. You're right, it is totally exhausting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I'm certainly not trying to be thsat way. i thought it might be helpful to hear why someone might not have a child proofed home, but maybe people just want to be agreed with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 With a 16 month old, I would expect to be occupied with my child the whole time and to watch him - which means, I would not be able to socialize much. That's just a reality with children in any house that does not house little ones. My parents have stairs, antiques, sharp corners, electrical outlets - when my kids were little and we were visiting, one adult had to watch the kids at all times. Which usually worked out quite well.I have never been in a house that was completely childproof for kids of that age. Not even my own was. I would take enough toys to occupy my kid, so that he had something safe to play with where I could watch. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Maybe our definition of child-proofing is different or maybe a lot of it just lifestyle differences. We don't have child safety plugs, child locks, bumpers or things of that nature. We also don't have clutter or decorating knick-nacks. My 15mo climbs on chairs and end tables. I'm OK with that in my house. I have a baby gate so I can keep him on the same level as me when needed, but otherwise he is free to go up and down at will. I don't hover over my 15mo or attend to him every minute of the day. Right now he is in another room playing with his sibs. We do keep dangerous items - like marbles - out of his reach. Barbie, playmobile, and legos are kept behind closed doors. The garbage is sitting up on the counter since he likes to find extra snacks in there. When I think of a nonchildproofed home I think of a home unlike ours - lots of tempting things out everywhere to touch. Our house doesn't have that, so my toddler isn't used to it. Steps, electrical outlets, cabinet doors, those don't phase me. So, I think the definition of nonchildproofed is different for every family. Maybe that's why this discussion is all over the place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Wow, some of these responses are really sanctimonious. "I can't imagine why it would be a problem - I simply taught my child to have good judgment and restraint by the age of 15 months!" Jeez, why didn't the OP think of that? :001_rolleyes: :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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