Do you date your husband?

[TammyinTN]

I'm curious....:D .

 

We use to date on Friday nights, but since moving we take off at lunch time on Sunday and have an afternoon out just the two of us. We go out to eat, watch a movie, or sometimes just stroll around stores or just ride around our new area discovering new things. If you do something like this...what do you do?

How long have you been married? This will be year 25 for us. I can hardly believe how time has passed.

[Parrothead]

Not very often. Nothing regularly. Been married 13 years.

[Impish]

We do...sorta.

 

Diva, at 13, is now old enough and mature enough to babysit.

 

We'll go run errands, and have gone out for dinner w/out the Littles, but we do bring the baby.

 

Once Boo is in a more regular and dependable sleep pattern, we'll leave him too.

 

I'm fine w/her babysitting if he's going to be asleep while we're gone, but I wouldn't leave her w/the Littles and Boo all awake.

 

ETA: 9th wedding ann in April. And when we met and married, I already had kids, so we've never had time w/just the 2 of us.

[jillian]

When he's not gone for work we do once a month since dd's gymnastics place does date night one-two nights a month. It'll be 6 years on June 26.

 

We usually go out to eat or walk around somewhere. Sometimes we do an at home date....get something to grill or try something new. Get something yummy for desserts. Watch a movie. Just something and no kid talk

Edited January 22, 2012 by jillian

[DawnM]

No, and honestly, I don't see the need. We have a good marriage. We communicate and talk and are on the same page for most things, like spending our money, raising our children, etc.....

 

It all started when we were both working and our kids were little. We felt that we had such little time with our kids that we weren't going to spend the small bit of time we had leaving them with a sitter while we went off together.

 

I no longer work, but DH still feels much the same way. He doesn't have as much time as he would like with the family and the boys are growing up so fast.

 

When we are invited to a couples only event we typically decline or only one of us goes.

 

Now, we will spend time alone in our house.....we will go watch a more grown up movie that the kids aren't interested in, or we will go and talk privately for a while, but we don't typically go out without the kids.

 

We have been married almost 17 years.

 

Dawn

Edited January 22, 2012 by DawnM

[Laura in MI]

We usually have a date night every month and arrange for the kids to be over a relatives/friends for the night. Occasionally we'll go somewhere without the kids and my teens will watch the younger kids.

 

It'll be our 6th anniversary on the 28th :001_smile:

[luvnlattes]

We have date night once a month where we go out to dinner somewhere. Once a week is too much for us because of all the activities going on during the weekend. Dh is in total "work mode" all week long so mid-week dates don't work well. I like your lunch and afternoon out idea. We've been married 20 years.

[*********]

We do...sorta.

 

Diva, at 13, is now old enough and mature enough to babysit.

 

We'll go run errands, and have gone out for dinner w/out the Littles, but we do bring the baby.

 

Once Boo is in a more regular and dependable sleep pattern, we'll leave him too.

 

I'm fine w/her babysitting if he's going to be asleep while we're gone, but I wouldn't leave her w/the Littles and Boo all awake.

 

ETA: 9th wedding ann in April. And when we met and married, I already had kids, so we've never had time w/just the 2 of us.

 

We have a similar situation to Impish. We've been married 10 years.

 

My dh already had a 4 year old son and a 7 year old daughter when we married; it's never been just the two of us, not even when dating. I mean, we did have time to date, since he shares custody. So that time was nice. But we were together for less than two years before getting married, and I was pregnant with Zee before our first anniversary.

 

Now, we do very rarely have dsd watch the boys for an hour or so when she's here so that we can slip out and do something just the two of us. Which we actually should do more often, but I have hang-ups from my own childhood about asking her to be responsible for them often at all. Plus she's only here every other weekend now, and I'd hate for her to feel like she's stuck watching them every time she's here. I dunno; she always has been totally fine with it when we've asked her in the past. It's really just my own baggage. :D I should actually ask her to do it a bit more often, because she's off to college this year, and then we'll have NO ONE to do it. We have no other family close by to leave them with. And just the idea of leaving all the boys home together is a disaster waiting to happen. :tongue_smilie:

 

We'd LOVE to get away for a weekend just the two of us, but there's just no one we feel comfortable asking to keep the kids for us for something like that. I mean, I have girlfriends that would do it in a heartbeat, but we just wouldn't ask other than an emergency. These ladies all have young kids of their own, and I just don't want to put anyone out, you know? And none of our parents are, uh, a good fit for that. Dh's mom was, but she passed away two years ago.

 

 

It's just the season of life we're in. Before we know it, the boys will be big enough to stay home by themselves for dh and I to go to dinner or stroll the bookstore. Until then, we'll just try to steal some time in the evenings after they go to bed. ;)

[In2why]

We don't have a scheduled night but yes, I still date my husband. We like the romance of preparing to date each other. It means making sure we look our best and put each other first in the midst of real life. I wear high heels and shave my legs :D. Which is easy to put off sometimes. We have uninterrupted time to talk, flirt with each other, and anticipate.......later. He remembers I am not just a great Mom, but a phenomenal woman, and that we are lucky to be with each other.

We have been married over 20 years and continue have a love affair. I think this helped us a lot when times were tough and our marriage had times when the kids, finances, or other stressors could have come between us.

[Impish]

Oh! Going away for the wknd!

 

SpecialMama, as a birthday gift to me, came and watched the kids all wknd so Wolf and I could go away. First time since our wknd honeymoon!

 

We're looking at another over night away for our wedding ann, again w/SpecialMama riding herd on the kids.

 

I'm very, very lucky to have SpecialMama as a best friend. Otherwise, we'd not get away again before Diva was college age or so! :lol:

[Ellie]

No.

 

We were happily married for a number of years before the "date night" concept popped up. We've never felt the need to do something called a "date." :-)

 

ETA: We celebrated our 37th anniversary this past November. :-)

Edited January 22, 2012 by Ellie

[Lady Florida.]

No.

 

We were happily married for a number of years before the "date night" concept popped up.

 

Same here.

[*********]

Oh! Going away for the wknd!

 

SpecialMama, as a birthday gift to me, came and watched the kids all wknd so Wolf and I could go away. First time since our wknd honeymoon!

 

We're looking at another over night away for our wedding ann, again w/SpecialMama riding herd on the kids.

 

I'm very, very lucky to have SpecialMama as a best friend. Otherwise, we'd not get away again before Diva was college age or so! :lol:

 

 

I want to be friends with SpecialMama IRL now, too! :tongue_smilie:

 

It's one of those things that, right now, all of our friends have young ones as well. And I just don't feel right asking them to watch our two in addition to their own for a whole weekend, so that dh and I could go do something fun. It's just not something I'm comfortable with. I know several girlfriends who would probably be happy to do it for me, but it just feels selfish, iykwim.

 

Plus, I'd offer to watch their kids in return so *they* could get away, and then dh would be all 'never mind!' because he's not a kid person. No bashing; he LOVES our friends kids. Just for a few hours, not a whole weekend. :D While I'd LOVE to have them for the weekend, dh works a zillion hours a week right now, and wouldn't want to deal with that, iykwim.

[Mommyof4ks]

Yes, we try to go out a couple of times a month to a movie or to dinner. A couple of times a year we take an overnight trip. We have been married 13 years.

[Farrar]

We have season tickets to the Shakespeare Theater and have had season tickets to other local theaters. It's good because it wouldn't occur to us to go out otherwise.

 

I don't think it's an absolute necessity or anything. Dh and I are happy and now that the kids aren't tiny, we don't feel like we desperately need room to breathe or anything. But it's nice to have him to myself and to be away from all the distractions in the house.

 

When we've sent the kids to summer camp in the past, we had a total date week. Dh works nights so he's always free during the day and two years ago when the kids were at summer camp, I would drop them off, go write for a couple hours, meet him for lunch, go to the movies and then pick up the kids. It was divine. I felt like one of those "real housewives" or something.

[Impish]

No.

 

We were happily married for a number of years before the "date night" concept popped up. We've never felt the need to do something called a "date." :-)

Can I ask how you manage to keep your marriage healthy and connected?

 

I'm not being snarky at all, genuinely curious.

 

I've found that if I don't get some alone time w/Wolf, our marriage tends to be more strained. Perhaps it's as simple as getting out of the house, away from the kids for an hour recharges me, I get to be Imp vs Mom for just a bit...perhaps it's being able to have a conversation w/out little ears around...

 

So, how do you manage w/out breaks, times when it's just the 2 of you, even for an hr?

 

Or is it that you take that time when kids are asleep, you're just not leaving the house to do it?

 

I'm always looking for ways to learn about how to keep my marriage strong :001_smile:

[Impish]

I want to be friends with SpecialMama IRL now, too! :tongue_smilie:

 

It's one of those things that, right now, all of our friends have young ones as well. And I just don't feel right asking them to watch our two in addition to their own for a whole weekend, so that dh and I could go do something fun. It's just not something I'm comfortable with. I know several girlfriends who would probably be happy to do it for me, but it just feels selfish, iykwim.

 

Plus, I'd offer to watch their kids in return so *they* could get away, and then dh would be all 'never mind!' because he's not a kid person. No bashing; he LOVES our friends kids. Just for a few hours, not a whole weekend. :D While I'd LOVE to have them for the weekend, dh works a zillion hours a week right now, and wouldn't want to deal with that, iykwim.

That's the thing...I should also be eternally grateful to SpecialMama's dh as well.

 

She comes over here, her kids are at her place w/her dh. I couldn't do it w/out either one of them.

 

She also was here while I was in the hospital having Boo. For over 24 hrs. I'm incredibly blessed.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I wish. But, even when we try (like a local theater production or a movie) we seem to screw it up. So, we tend to go on maybe 2 dates a year. I would love it if he planned something (like actually bought tickets to said theater production instead of finding out that they were sold out or checked movie times before we left), but, if it's to be, it's up to me and he doesn't seem to like any of my ideas. We have been married 20 years and while we get along well, I miss the anticipation of a date and of feeling special.

[Daisy]

No. We've just never needed that.

 

We get plenty of time together when the kids are playing, asleep, etc.

 

Husband and I are best friends, love to spend time together, and talk all the time. We just have never needed "date nights" away from our kids.

 

We were married 5 years before we had children (fertility issues). Maybe that made a difference? Every night was a date night for 1,800+ nights. :lol:

 

We've been married 17 years.

[elegantlion]

Ugh, we tried. It's hard to date when you're unemployed. Now that he's back to work he's exhausted as he gets up early.

 

Last night we had a redneck date. :tongue_smilie: We went grocery shopping to Walmart together. We never grocery shop together, and he abhors Walmart. It was fun. He flirted with me in the juice and nut aisle. He told me I was cute and kissed me. I flirted back. It was kind of fun.

[happypamama]

Date, as in going out, alone, just the two of us, no kids -- not very often. That has happened exactly four times in the past decade.

 

Date, as in going out without any big kids, just a nursing infant -- still not very often, but we did go out for a few fancy meals when it was just us and our first baby, and we did just go to a movie a few weeks ago with only the baby.

 

We would do stuff like that more often if we had sitters available regularly. We don't really have the money to pay sitters, but when my parents were here at New Year's and offered to keep the three big kids so we could see a movie, we took that opportunity and enjoyed it. It was nice to see a movie that the kids might not enjoy, and on the big screen (and it was nice to have just one little baby around, to focus on him a bit). If family lived closer, I might even get to the point where I'd leave a baby for a few hours, but IDK.

 

Date, as in doing something together, without the kids? That, we do. We used to play board games; these days, we watch movies or TV-on-DVD together, but it's just us (and occasionally the baby), and we chat or comment as we watch. Sometimes we have dessert or snacks that are just for us, too. :)

[Tigger]

For the vast majority of things we do, we do them as a family. We do, however, try to get one night out, sans kids, once a month and do things that we'd like to do that bringing the kids isn't possible (our favorite Asian bistro dinner out - DS can't go due to fish/shellfish allergy and the airborne proteins there), or isn't appropriate/feasible, like a later evening event, like tonight we're going to a jazz-dinner performance, it's just way too late for the kids to go with us.

[Mrs Mungo]

We go out without the kids in one form or another once or twice a week-movie, bookstore, coffee, out to eat, something. But, my kids are older. For *me* (not saying this SHOULD BE or IS the case for anyone else), when I had little kids my love/feely jar (for lack of a better term) was being filled up by them. Now, it's not. I need that connection with my husband more now that I don't have little kids. *I* need it and *our* marriage is better for it. That does not reflect upon anyone else. :)

[Maus]

We just re-instituted date nights. DH gets four a month, but I only get one! :D

 

He also takes the kids out one at a time, so each Friday is someone's "Date with Dad" night. This way, we only have to get a sitter once a month. (I trade babysitting with my brother and SIL, since they are trying to do date nights again, too.)

 

Three more years til we have a built-in babysitter. Hopefully, he's still as responsible as he is now.

 

We've been married 19 1/2 years. We started out doing date nights, and then life got hectic, and then we realized we needed to make it a priority.

[eternalknot]

Nah, not really.

 

But even before we were married, we were usually doing stuff in groups. Usually that group involved some or most of my siblings and their partners LOL. I like a crowd - be it kids, brothers and sisters, or friends :)

 

Hubs and I get our one-on-one time in small, regular spurts lazying around the house - not so much isolated days/nights out. We've spent a lot of extended periods of time separated due to our jobs, though, so we're good at maximizing those quick moments and at connecting in other ways (across geographical distance).

[DarlaS]

No date night in many many years. Not on my birthday, his birthday, Valentines Day etc. Not at all. We never talk about anything but the kids, house, his job etc. I've brought it up, with very carefully chosen words so as not to be passive-aggressive (takes real effort at this point, I tell ya...). Nothing changes. I don't expect much. Three or four times a YEAR would be a vast improvement. We are financially comfortable, and with the ages of our kids, it would be so easy.

 

I've always tried very hard to handle things (homeschooling, running the house, fixing things, getting stuff done) so he can concentrate on his job and education. For years he was working on a class or two at a time to get a degree so no matter what happened, he could be employable somewhere. This is obviously important, so I did what I could to make it easy as it could be for him. When that was done, I was so relieved because I (stupidly) thought it meant we would finally have more time for each other. And I told him this.

 

He has now (as in this week) begun a Master's degree program and is referring to taking classes as a "hobby". Something to occupy his time. Part of me is very happy he has something he enjoys. I'm not so self-centered I can't appreciate that and be happy and proud of him. That whole "hobby" comment has shifted my perspective a little though. Not feeling quite so supportive since he said that. Feeling even more like a doormat. Like I fill some sort of utilitarian purpose and that's it.

 

We met and married pretty quickly. I was six months pregnant on our 1st anniversary. I think that's the last anniversary we went out alone. :sad: For years he would (very occasionally) make a joke about how he married me so he would not have to date me. It used to be funnier long ago.

 

I'm a big girl and can take anything for a time when necessary. I just didn't think it would be forever.

[Impish]

:grouphug:Darla:grouphug:

 

What I've been known to do is TELL Wolf, "We're going out". I found that talking about it w/the future in mind didfn't accomplish anything. Saying, "I want to go out tonight/tomorrow/this wknd/my birthday" works. A concrete day and time, otherwise it just didn't happen.

[Faith]

I'm curious....:D .

 

We use to date on Friday nights, but since moving we take off at lunch time on Sunday and have an afternoon out just the two of us. We go out to eat, watch a movie, or sometimes just stroll around stores or just ride around our new area discovering new things. If you do something like this...what do you do?

How long have you been married? This will be year 25 for us. I can hardly believe how time has passed.

 

Yes, we do. It's something we look forward to. It's really nice. We do about what you all do, shop, out to dinner, just spending time with each other and talking. We have been married almost 21 years. Still madly in love with each other!

[Mrs Mungo]

Wow, Darla, that stinks. That would tick me off, never mind feeling slightly less supportive. I know you said that you've talked, but can you say something extremely specific like, "I am feeling extremely neglected since your education has become a hobby. I would like a hobby at some point. I would also like to feel like I could occupy some of your time. I would like to go out as a couple X number of times per month. I will plan half of the outings, and I expect you to plan half." Does he have a smart phone? Have him get Groupon and look for deals on special outings.

 

Some guys really do need you to lay out *exactly* what your expectations are. But, it won't make a difference for some of them, I know this. :(

[Dolphin]

We go out about once a month. My sister and I were pregnant together so her oldest and my youngest are only weeks apart in age. They are best friends. So we swap kids about one night a month each. We babysit one night and get to go out one night. It works well and the cousins really enjoy their evening together.

 

We go to dinner, movies, sometime a musical if one is coming through town etc...

 

We also at least once a week spend the evening together, no computers or anything. Currently we have been getting the British show Hustle out of the library and watching an episode of that in front of the fire with a glass of wine after the kids have gone to bed.

[mommaduck]

Yes, but only in the past couple of years.

[Mrs Mungo]

We also at least once a week spend the evening together, no computers or anything. Currently we have been getting the British show Hustle out of the library and watching an episode of that in front of the fire with a glass of wine after the kids have gone to bed.

 

I guess this is another reason I didn't need to go out as much when we had littles. They go to bed fairly early. Teens like to stay up later, dh has to be in bed pretty early because he gets up so early. So, it's easier now to just go out.

[herkey6]

We've been married almost 19 years. We don't have a scheduled date night, but we do as much as we can together. Our kids are older, so we are able to leave them home alone. Our outings may be as mundane as grocery shopping, or taking a vehicle to the repair shop (seems to be happening far too often these days), or it may be (nicer!) going to dinner, or out for a walk.

I think that it is important to remember that we are more than just parents. The kids will grow up and go away, and we will be left to ourselves! Plus, I love the flirting and playing part :001_smile:

[MamaT]

We have always tried to have a regular "date night" and we have been married 30 years. When our olders were little, we had a sitter and only went out once a month. When the olders got old enough to babysit, it was weekly for a while. Now we find about twice a month is all we can handle with the kids' activities. We also try to spend a weekend or at least overnight 3 or 4 times a year.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: Darla :grouphug:

[Haiku]

Nope. I got married so I wouldn't have to date. I just spend time with my husband.

 

Tara

[QueenCat]

We go out without the kids in one form or another once or twice a week-movie, bookstore, coffee, out to eat, something. But, my kids are older. For *me* (not saying this SHOULD BE or IS the case for anyone else), when I had little kids my love/feely jar (for lack of a better term) was being filled up by them. Now, it's not. I need that connection with my husband more now that I don't have little kids. *I* need it and *our* marriage is better for it. That does not reflect upon anyone else. :)

 

Same here... we go somewhere or another a couple of times a week. Usually out to eat, run errands, a play/symphony/museum..... We don't call it a "date" though. We do it far more often now that the kids are older. For a few reasons... we can do it unplanned, no sitter is needed; we have more discretionary money; we enjoy it. We still spend plenty of time with our kids, but they are often out on their own too!

[PentecostalMom]

We rarely do anything alone. The last thing we did "alone" was go outside to my Yukon and reinstall the carseats after cleaning it. A whole 10 minutes, woohoo! Prior to that, we went to the hospital for the birth of littlest ds.

 

I do not leave my children hardly ever. I di leave them sometimes when ds comes home for a few days (he is out of state at college), or when my MIL visits, about every 2-3 months. Our closest family is five hours away (ds and IL's) and i do not trust anyone with my children.

 

We will make it, we are still very much :001_wub::001_wub:....and this time is short. We will have years and years alone.

[beaners]

Every time I see this thread I think it reads "Do you date my husband?" which of course is not what it says.

 

We don't do dates outside the house. We have had maybe 3 nights out away from the kids since we moved here 3.5 years ago. 2 of those nights involved delivering babies. We plan one or two special nights a week where we eat a nice dinner together after everyone is asleep. When I'm not pregnant we also drink a few glasses of wine. We can't do this most nights because my husband's work schedule often has him coming home after midnight. It's a special treat when we have a night together.

 

We have been married 5 years as of last week. :001_smile:

[*Lulu*]

Nope. I got married so I wouldn't have to date. I just spend time with my husband.

 

Tara

 

:iagree: :D

 

We go out alone about 2x a year. We have time together at least 5 nights a week at home because we are sticklers for everyone else being in bed before 8pm. We also order take out and put the kids down a tiny bit early a couple of times a month. Now back when DH had a horrible schedule we had to be deliberate about time for ourselves, but back then we were B.R.O.K.E. so we still weren't going out. We've been married 12 years and I don't care if we go anywhere as long as I get to spend time with my best friend.

[Janie Grace]

Yes. It's sporadic but we probably get out just the two of us 1-2 times per month. We savor our time outside the house... for us, there is just something special about talking over dinner OUT (or over coffee, or icecream, or whatever)... it's easier to get down to the real stuff that's going on instead of chit-chatting about "whatever" like we can tend to do at home. That said, I don't think date night is the mark of a healthy marriage; I think communication is (among other things).

[Audrey]

I'm curious....:D .

 

We use to date on Friday nights, but since moving we take off at lunch time on Sunday and have an afternoon out just the two of us. We go out to eat, watch a movie, or sometimes just stroll around stores or just ride around our new area discovering new things. If you do something like this...what do you do?

How long have you been married? This will be year 25 for us. I can hardly believe how time has passed.

 

 

No. We don't date. It's just not anything we've ever considered. Besides, I'm an easy lay. He doesn't have to buy me dinner first. :D

[ereks mom]

I'm curious....:D .

 

We use to date on Friday nights, but since moving we take off at lunch time on Sunday and have an afternoon out just the two of us. We go out to eat, watch a movie, or sometimes just stroll around stores or just ride around our new area discovering new things. If you do something like this...what do you do?

How long have you been married? This will be year 25 for us. I can hardly believe how time has passed.

 

Dh & I have been married almost 32 years. Unless we're teaching a class (we teach a 6-week couples class 3 times per year), we go out each week on Wednesday evenings while EK is at her Bible study. When we have a class going, we go out another night during the week.

 

We usually go out to eat and then we either go window shopping at the mall, look around at Lowe's and talk about the planting or building projects we'd like do at home, ride around town just to see what's new, go for a walk downtown if the weather is nice, or just stroll around at Walmart or some other store.

 

Some weekends when EK has weekend plans with her friends and ER isn't home for the weekend, dh & I will take a day trip together. We'll browse at our favorite coffee shop/bookstore and then we'll have a nice dinner out.

[Miselainia]

We go out every week that he's in town. Sometimes it's a run to the grocery story, sometimes to dinner. Often the bookstore. We never go to the movies because we don't think people would appreciate us talking through the movie. ;)

 

It didn't used to be this often, but the kids are old enough now that they can even take turns watching the younger kids.

 

We've been married 17 years.

[mytwomonkeys]

well, it isn't date night in the sense that we go out often. however, our kids have an enforced bedtime. every night we have our alone time where we can snuggle, talk, share, watch TV - whatever. just the two of us. we do have dates where we go out as well, but those aren't consistently scheduled or anything. we've been married 11 years.

[LibraryLover]

If dating is going out without kids sometimes, yes. If it's about wooing and spending boatloads of money, sending flowers, then no.

[Mom-ninja.]

No.

 

We've been out without kids twice in 11 years. We've been married 13.

[Impish]

I have to date my husband.

 

He'd get a wee bit upset if I dated someone else. :tongue_smilie:

[Mom-ninja.]

No. We don't date. It's just not anything we've ever considered. Besides, I'm an easy lay. He doesn't have to buy me dinner first. :D

 

 

:lol: DH took my out to dinner a few months ago sans kids as "payment" for helping him with his college algebra class.

[5kidsforME]

Married 13 years and we just started to schedule a date night every other week. I need them. Dh loves them too. My kids love that they have a little independence. All around its been wonderful and I highly recommend it.

 

FTR, we don't do the expenisve, wooing, flower dates. Usually dinner, walking around Lowes, grocery shop types dates. Next date night we plan on seeing a movie we both want to watch.