S/O High school sweethearts=true love??!

[Garga]

This thread about getting married to high school/college sweethearts was an eye opener to me.

 

You know how we have all those threads about courting vs dating? And how we say things like, "Oh, they're just teenagers, what do they know about love?" Ay yi yi! Half of the people responding to the thread met their spouse in high school or college (and college ends around 21 or 22.)

 

This is making me really nervous about when my boys are 15 or 16. When they bring a girl home at that young of an age, she might end up being The One. Gulp!

 

What does everyone else think about that poll?!

[NicAnn]

I think that getting married young is a great thing. IF both people can recognize that love is a choice and something you have to work at...sometimes hard, at various points in the relationship. I really believe that's why marriages break up early- because the couple hits a rough patch, or ones feelings change, and they don't know that that's ok and normal.

 

I also think that young marriage is good, because it gives the couple a chance to grow together as a couple. This has been my favorite thing about being with Dh from age 19.

[Whereneverever]

I was married really young and I'm glad. I don't think it's a bad thing at all. Watch those girlfriends, mama! :tongue_smilie:

[astrid]

On December 23rd, my dh and I just celebrated the 24th anniversary of our first date. We have been together ever since, and I swear to you we have never had a fight. Never. I know it sounds unbelievable, but there you are. Dh even carries two sets of prom pictures around in his wallet and whips them out at the slightest provocation. :001_smile:

 

Our first date was for mexican food with a group of friends. We were 17 years old. I swear, we both knew THAT NIGHT that we'd end up married. We were juniors in high school and had both dated people previously. We both graduated, went on to different colleges (both commuted and lived at home, not together, but at our homes) and both graduated. After graduation, we got engaged, and were married when we were 24.

 

Now, as the parents of a 14 year old in the same small, public high school we attended, yeah, that freaks us out a bit. ;)

 

Anyway, it truly WAS "love at first date" for us. Again, I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but it's true.

 

astrid

[regentrude]

The poll was about meeting the future spouse. Does not mean you have to get married right away.

I met DH at 18, got married at 24, after we had spent enough time getting to know each other and being sure that this was right.

I'd have no problem if my kids met somebody important to them early on... but I'd do my best to encourage them to wait with marriage until they finished their education.

 

I really do not find the poll results surprising. After all, there are never as many opportunities to meet people of the opposite gender as while in school.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Well, I started the poll because I was really surprised that two people I knew in high school were still together after all these years. I know I certainly wasn't ready to be in an intense relationship like that at a young age. I dated one guy for about a year in high school, but I wasn't really that into him. I dated someone in college for 3 years and he asked me to marry him twice. I said maybe the first time, and reluctantly said yes the second time because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Luckily, I came to my senses and ended it, because I just wasn't ready.

 

The results of the poll were astonishing to me. I really didn't know that that many people got together so young and stayed together so long. I am truly surprised by that. I think it's marvelous. And it will certainly change my opinion about when my sons start dating and getting serious.

 

I sometimes wish I'd had my kids in my twenties instead of my thirties, because I think I'd have a bit more energy for them, but I did a lot of things I wanted to do and travelled to many places before I got married and had a family, so I'm happy.

[Audrey]

This thread about getting married to high school/college sweethearts was an eye opener to me.

 

You know how we have all those threads about courting vs dating? And how we say things like, "Oh, they're just teenagers, what do they know about love?" Ay yi yi! Half of the people responding to the thread met their spouse in high school or college (and college ends around 21 or 22.)

 

This is making me really nervous about when my boys are 15 or 16. When they bring a girl home at that young of an age, she might end up being The One. Gulp!

 

What does everyone else think about that poll?!

 

 

I don't think much of any polls on here, to be honest. It's not as if this board is a good representative sample of anything, really. You've got a pretty narrow slice of culture here with a few skews in the mix, but not enough to make it statistically valid.

[beaners]

People might meet their spouse at a young age, but in my own life I'm not seeing many people marry young. I have about 200 friends from college and high school on facebook, and maybe 15-20 of them are married. I've only known a handful of the spouses, and none were within my high school. Some people have been married and divorced. I'm in my mid/late 20s.

 

Out of maybe 15 other people who also have children, only 2 of the others would have fallen loosely within the middle-class. (Ok, I can't seem to make that sound right. As an example, only the three of us don't use the term "baby-daddy" when referring to the other parent of our children.)

 

I was only just realizing how far outside the norm my family is when I was looking at facebook earlier today.

[PeacefulChaos]

This thread about getting married to high school/college sweethearts was an eye opener to me.

 

You know how we have all those threads about courting vs dating? And how we say things like, "Oh, they're just teenagers, what do they know about love?" Ay yi yi! Half of the people responding to the thread met their spouse in high school or college (and college ends around 21 or 22.)

 

This is making me really nervous about when my boys are 15 or 16. When they bring a girl home at that young of an age, she might end up being The One. Gulp!

 

What does everyone else think about that poll?!

I think that when it's right, it's right.

My (now) best friend/SIL and my BIL started 'dating' when he was 16 and she was 14 (the year DH and I got married). They were together for 5 years and got married in 2006. They have now been married 5 years and have 2 kids. :) Its kinda funny, I remember her as a young teenager! :lol:

DH and I were relatively young, too. He was the first guy I dated, I was 18 and he was 20 when we met, and we got married 9 months later (he had hit the ripe old age of 21 by that point) ;).

 

ETA: I forgot to add the other half of my 'when it's right, it's right' comment - it varies person to person! :) I'm not like, 'everyone should get married young!' and I'm not like 'everyone should wait til they are done with college til they look for a spouse!' and I'm not like 'everyone should put getting married on the back burner for as long as possible!' I just think everyone meets the right person at different times in their life, and, like I said, when it's right, it's right. At 14, 18, 23, 30, 50, 85, never. :) Everyone's path is different.

Edited December 30, 2011 by PeacefulChaos

[Audrey]

People might meet their spouse at a young age, but in my own life I'm not seeing many people marry young. I have about 200 friends from college and high school on facebook, and maybe 15-20 of them are married. I've only known a handful of the spouses, and none were within my high school. Some people have been married and divorced. I'm in my mid/late 20s.

 

Out of maybe 15 other people who also have children, only 2 of the others would have fallen loosely within the middle-class. (Ok, I can't seem to make that sound right. As an example, only the three of us don't use the term "baby-daddy" when referring to the other parent of our children.)

 

I was only just realizing how far outside the norm my family is when I was looking at facebook earlier today.

 

 

:001_huh: What? I honestly thought that was a term made up by Jerry Springer. Do they use this term in a joking manner or is it their normal reference term?

 

Do I really want to know the answer to the above question? :001_unsure:

[Murphy101]

I met dh when we were 16, we married at 19 - 6 months after I graduated high school.

 

We were not intense. I'm not even sure what that means? Full of drama? We weren't and never really have been. Dh says he knew the minute he saw me that I was The One and proposed on our second date. I clued in about 3 weeks later. ;)But we have never had an intense or dramatic relationship. At least not to me.

 

I don't think when a couple gets married has anything to do with their commitment. Either they are in forever come whatever or they aren't.

 

I think parents should treat very girl/boyfriend their dc brings home as possibly being the parent of their future grandchildren and act with plenty of due caution, kindness and welcome. I can tell you if my in laws had done that (and I'm sure it wasn't easy!) it would have tremendously positively changed the relationship they would have had with all of us for the subsequent 19 years.

[Farrar]

People might meet their spouse at a young age, but in my own life I'm not seeing many people marry young. I have about 200 friends from college and high school on facebook, and maybe 15-20 of them are married. I've only known a handful of the spouses, and none were within my high school. Some people have been married and divorced. I'm in my mid/late 20s.

 

Out of maybe 15 other people who also have children, only 2 of the others would have fallen loosely within the middle-class. (Ok, I can't seem to make that sound right. As an example, only the three of us don't use the term "baby-daddy" when referring to the other parent of our children.)

 

I was only just realizing how far outside the norm my family is when I was looking at facebook earlier today.

 

But... don't you think that just depends on what circles you move in, what socio-economic class you were raised in, what religion you're part of, what your community looks like, etc.? I mean, that's not what my FB feed looks like! Most of my good friends from school are married with kids now, and so are many of my acquaintances from back in the day as well. A few had kids alone (perhaps unexpected life detours), some are single or dating, but it's not like you describe.

 

I do think parents are often too caviler and dismissive about teenage relationships. Not every one I had was true love, but they were important relationships to me and I think of them as serious, real experiences - and the ones at 16 or 17 were no less important in the moment than the one at 22, when I got married to dh. There's not such a huge gap in age there.

[mom2scouts]

I met my husband when I was 19 and in college. We married 10 months after we started dating and we will celebrate our 27th anniversary next week! My oldest son is 22 and he started dating a girl when he was a sophomore in high school. She was a senior about to go away to college so I didn't think it would last. Well, it's six years later and they are still dating and talking about marriage. You just never know!

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm not friends with many people from high school or college on facebook, I deleted almost all of them. :D

But I do remember when I would see people I went to high school with on fb, and they had no family, no spouse, nothing, I felt kind of bad for them. Maybe not all of them, but if they are still in the go out drinking/partying/bachelor(ette) phase. I can't help but look at them and think, 'what's the point of your life if you have no family?'

It's one thing if someone just hasn't met the right person but is a responsible adult. It's another thing entirely when they are wasting their entire life. I don't care if they 'have a good job' and are just partying hard when they aren't working. Jobs mean nothing. There is nothing important or eternal in a job. :(

[mlbuchina]

On December 23rd, my dh and I just celebrated the 24th anniversary of our first date. We have been together ever since...

 

...We were 17 years old. I swear, we both knew THAT NIGHT that we'd end up married.

 

Anyway, it truly WAS "love at first date" for us. Again, I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but it's true.

 

astrid

 

Basically the same here. I was 17 and saw my dh walk through the door of the video store I worked at. The door wasn't even closed behind him and I knew he was mine! :001_wub: Our first date was my break time that night. He took me to Chick-fil-A! LOL My boss even gave me a little extra time for my break so we could go out to eat. That was 17 years ago, 18 years in March. By October that same year we were engaged. Due to him enlisting in the Navy, we weren't married until two years later, but if I had had it MY way :tongue_smilie:, we would have married right after I graduated high school.:D

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

We were not intense. I'm not even sure what that means? Full of drama? We weren't and never really have been. .

 

No, I don't mean full of drama. But being in a serious and committed relationship is intense. At least it is for me. I enjoyed being alone and doing things on my own. Having to rearrange my life to include another person 24/7 was an intense change for me. It just so permeates every part of your being- sort of like being a parent. It's a full-time commitment. At 16, 18, or even 22, that would have been too much for me. I couldn't decide on what my major should be in college, let alone whether I wanted to spend the next 50 years or more with someone! :lol:

[Amy in NH]

Yeah... I started dating a guy when I was 15. We were together for 13 years and had 2 kids and a mortgage before I finally left him. I didn't know what I wanted/needed in a mate/life partner when I was that young. But I got attached, and I put up with ridiculous stuff because he was "safe" and "comfortable". I grew up and he didn't. He wasn't a good father or partner. We never married, but I still have to deal with horrible custody stuff.

 

I don't let my kids date, even the older teens, because I don't want them to get attached to someone, develop their identity to please someone else, and tie themselves down. I want them to develop their own identities and mature fully into adults before they go looking for a mate in life. And isn't that what dating is about - finding a mate? Teens can have lots of fun with lots of good friends without calling them girl/boyfriend, which is an intimate/exclusive relationship designed for finding a life-partner.

 

ETA: I met my husband of 10 years when I was 18 and he was 21. We never had a relationship until I was 29 and he was 31.

Edited December 30, 2011 by Amy in NH

[momofkhm]

The poll was about meeting the future spouse. Does not mean you have to get married right away.

 

 

Well, I started the poll because I was really surprised that two people I knew in high school were still together after all these years.

 

The results of the poll were astonishing to me. I really didn't know that that many people got together so young and stayed together so long.

 

I read the poll as meeting the person I married in high school/college. Not met, dated, stayed together and then eventually married.

 

My parents know someone who is in her 70's who is married to a high school sweetheart. But they parted ways somewhere along the road and met others, married others, had kids. I think they are both widow and widower. They ran into each other in their 60's and are now married. But they would vote for "met in high school".

[GoVanGogh]

I posted on the poll that I married my high school boyfriend and we just celebrated our 25th anniversary.

But my world has been rocked lately. My sister, who also married her high school boyfriend, just got divorced after 29 years of marriage. Ex-BIL left her for a much, much younger woman. :glare:

To be honest, it has really made me... nervous? :001_huh:

DH says he would never be interested in a younger woman, but I could see my ex-BIL saying the same thing 5 years ago, you know?

[Laura in STL]

That poll needs another category for dh and I. We met in MIDDLE SCHOOL! Seriously, we met at about age 11. We were just friends for quite a while, obviously, but knew we wanted to get married by 17. We ended up getting married during our senior year of college at age 21 and are celebrating our 17th anniversary tomorrow.:). My husband still had med school and residency to go through, but we didn't want to wait any longer considering we had known each other for ten years!

[GoVanGogh]

I can totally understand why you would feel that way. My parents were married for my entire upbringing. They married young (18yo each), and were married for FORTY YEARS when my dad left my mom for a younger gal. I was married with three children when they split up! Talk about rocking your world! My entire understanding of what I THOUGHT a good marriage looked like has been shattered. It scares the crud outta me, honestly.

:grouphug:

My DH and I have talked about this quite a bit and he doesn't see/understand my concern.

 

My parents divorced after 16 years. That was a complicated divorce because my mom actually left, then came back, then my dad left - and immediately married a much younger woman. I have no idea when she entered the picture, before or after my mom left/returned. (My stepmom left my dad for another man after just a few years.)

 

My in-laws just got divorced a bit more than 10 years ago -- married young, then divorced after 40 years. Again - complicated. My MIL actually left after my FIL was dx as bipolar. FIL married a much *older* woman shortly after their divorce was finalized. AND he is now stable for the first time in his life. :lol: In fact, he was just in town and we had a wonderful time. I told my DH that I like my FIL more and more, the longer he has been divorced from my MIL.

 

DH and I both now have divorced parents. But my sister's divorce has just really shattered my world. I have cried more over it than my parents' divorce. And I didn't even like my ex-BIL. :tongue_smilie: But I just thought - Wow! They had gone through so much together and had "made it," you know? Who throws 29 years away on a bimbo? Ex-BIL didn't just leave my sister, he walked away from six grandchildren - hasn't seen them in nearly a year now.

Yeah. It just scares the crud out of me, too.

[Mommyof4ks]

I was married really young and I'm glad. I don't think it's a bad thing at all. Watch those girlfriends, mama! :tongue_smilie:

 

:iagree: Dh and I married at 19 while still in college, and I am glad we did. 13 years and 3 kids later life is still sweet! Our parents were not happy, but I think they are over it now. ;)

 

My DD is 11, and it hit me a few months ago that in just a few short years she might meet her hubby. :001_huh:

[Lovedtodeath]

I got married at 18. I fell out of and then back in love with my DH.

[happypamama]

I can certainly think of worse things than if my sons, at 15 or 16, bring home girls who turn out to be The Ones. Really, as much as I joke that no girls will ever be good enough for my precious boys, it really wouldn't bother me too much if they met their Mrs. Rights when they were pretty young still. My boys are already perfect (:D), but I think the right girl can be a great influence on a young man -- not sowing too many wild oats, keeping his eyes on a good future goal, paying attention to personal hygiene, etc. I know that when we were in college, I thought of things that DH didn't -- like, when he was struggling to graduate, I was the one who took his completed courses and figured out what major they could fit into that would let him graduate the soonest. Someone to attend to those sorts of details if my boys aren't paying attention? Yes, please! (Suddenly I realize that I must have made my MIL's job harder in some ways but much easier in others.) Plus, DH and I met before we had really developed our ideas about marriage, adulthood, and such, so we weren't stuck in our own ways. We are very much interdependent on each other and growing up together really has made us two sides of the same coin.

 

I wouldn't push my children to be committed to someone at a young age, but if it happened, I would not be upset about it.

[beaners]

:001_huh: What? I honestly thought that was a term made up by Jerry Springer. Do they use this term in a joking manner or is it their normal reference term?

 

Do I really want to know the answer to the above question? :001_unsure:

 

As in "My baby-daddy can't watch _____, so I can't go to the club for New Years." No, it isn't a joke.

 

 

But... don't you think that just depends on what circles you move in, what socio-economic class you were raised in, what religion you're part of, what your community looks like, etc.? I mean, that's not what my FB feed looks like! Most of my good friends from school are married with kids now, and so are many of my acquaintances from back in the day as well. A few had kids alone (perhaps unexpected life detours), some are single or dating, but it's not like you describe.

 

 

I'm sure it has a lot to do with it. I just don't see many people that attended my suburban high school with a family at this point. I see a lot of people waiting to get married and have children, more often the further you go up the socioeconomic ladder. Really it's been almost everyone except the people who were raised in poverty or by very young mothers themselves.

 

Most of my classmates are nearly 30, and very few of them have children. Some are married, but most are not. I don't know if my own experience corresponds to the rest of the nation, but I know it differs from the average board experience here where young marriage is more common. I was married at 21, and I'll be very surprised if 1/3 of my classmates will be married by 31. It's an odd feeling to have been raised in the same environment as so many people and live such a different life.

[Paintedlady]

I know several couples who were high school sweethearts and have been married 30+ years. I think it probably happens more often than you think.

 

Although dh & I didn't meet in highschool or college (we met while in the military) dh was only 19 when we married and we just celebrated our 18th anniversary. I don't think getting married young is necessarily an idication that the marriage won't last.

[Amber in SJ]

I have been asked several times in public (grocery store, library, movie theater) if all my children have the same "baby-daddy."

 

The first time I looked like this :confused: but I guess people ask because there is a big gap between my bigs & my littles.

 

As to the other topic, Dh & I met and started dating when I was 16 & he was 17. We never dated anyone else. We married four years later when I was 20. I followed him to the college he went to. As a parent I cringe when I think about it. Of course the homecoming & prom pictures make me cringe too. We have been married for 22 years now. Dh's parents got divorced when we had been married for 2 years and it really rocked him. While I would never say getting married young is best for everyone, I have known some people who didn't get married because they didn't start looking until their school/ career was settled or until they had "found themselves." By then they were so set in their ways that they couldn't make room in their lives to let another person in.

 

Yes, I would have been a totally different person had I not married my high school sweetheart, but I don't think I would have liked myself as much as I do because many of the really great things in my life have come from being with him. He makes me be a better person.

 

Amber in SJ

[Hen]

I met my husband when we were 16 - and yes, it scares me some, because my dd is 16 now and a boy is very interested. Our story turned out well, as did two sisters of dh's...but I also have friends that turned out with horrible marriages and met in hs...so I tell my kids that statistically, a happily ever after is not likely, that most likely they will not marry the person they meet young, but it does happen. I remind them that we expect them to go to college and bible college and it would be easier to do this before they marry.

 

having teens sure ups my prayer life...:D

[Myeightkiddies]

My husband and I met when I was 13 and he was 15. Our fathers worked together, and my parents and I went to a party at their house. We've been best friends ever since. We didn't marry until he finished college (I finished after we married), btw.

[katiejane]

I started dating my childhood sweetheart at 15 and we will be married for 19 years in April. We dated for 7 years before we got married and over 6 years of that he lived in another state. We have had our ups and downs over the years but are still very much in love. It can happen. I also have a few friends that are married to guys from school.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't believe in fake love. It all feels real while you are in it.

 

Rosie

[cassiemc]

I met my DH when we were 16 :) We have been together 18 years, married 13. You bet we love each other madly and deeply. It is totally possible and you should treat whomever your children bring home as "the one". It is truly possible!

[golfcartmama]

My DH and I started dating in hs. We never did the breakup/back together thing. We stayed together through college and got married 6 months after graduating college. It does happen sometimes!

[Carrie12345]

:001_huh: What? I honestly thought that was a term made up by Jerry Springer. Do they use this term in a joking manner or is it their normal reference term?

 

Do I really want to know the answer to the above question? :001_unsure:

 

I sometimes use the term "babydaddy" in it's traditional Springerish meaning, but with the same sarcastic flair as my usage of the terms "ain't" and "Whatup" In other words, I mean what I'm saying, but it's not my "normal" vernacular.

[TheCoffeeChick]

Dh and I started dating at 15 and got married at 19, then waited a couple years before having kids.

 

Please be nice to those young girls your sons are bring home -- when my MIL thought we had been dating too long (just over a year) she bought a cat (which I am severely allergic to) in hopes that if I couldn't come over then we'd just grow apart. All that did was ensure we didn't hang out at her house! And now that we have been married for so long and that dang cat is still alive, we still can't be at her house very long and she misses out on time spend with her grandchildren. :(

[Carrie12345]

I don't believe in fake love. It all feels real while you are in it.

 

Rosie

 

:iagree:

 

There's no denying the biological or psychological components. I was absolutely, positively, madly in love at 15. Breaking it off at 18 was one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make, and I still have a great fondness for that boy.

[Jenny in Florida]

I think that when it's right, it's right.

 

I agree.

 

I also think it's worth noting that the poll asked when we met our spouse, not when we married. As I said in my post there, my husband and I met in elementary school, but we both had lots of adventures and made lots of mistakes and had full young lives before we married in our late 20s.

 

But, yes, I am very aware that either of my kids could be meeting "the one" any time now. Fortunately, they both have really good taste in people. I'm only curious, not one bit nervous, about the people they will bring home.

 

(I do worry a little bit on behalf of those potential mates. We're a very weird family.)

[Sevilla]

Most of my classmates are nearly 30, and very few of them have children. Some are married, but most are not. I don't know if my own experience corresponds to the rest of the nation, but I know it differs from the average board experience here where young marriage is more common. I was married at 21, and I'll be very surprised if 1/3 of my classmates will be married by 31. It's an odd feeling to have been raised in the same environment as so many people and live such a different life.

While DH and I met and married young and were high school sweethearts, we were the first to get married from our group of friends. Most of our friends/classmates from high school and college got married sometime in their 20's. We were from an evangelical Christian background though where young marriage is more common b/c of the taboo against open premarital sex.

 

In our extended families though, what you wrote above is true. We are the *only ones* who are married even though there are 10 others cousins who are in their 20's and 30's. Just in the past year or so have those cousins started to enter serious relationships but no one is ready to get married yet.

 

I don't know why that is, but it strikes me as a demographic change. The only place where I see marriage still taking place in the early-mid 20's anymore is in evangelical Christian circles. Everyone else is waiting until they're closer to 30.

[SailorMom]

I think that getting married young is a great thing. IF both people can recognize that love is a choice and something you have to work at...sometimes hard, at various points in the relationship. I really believe that's why marriages break up early- because the couple hits a rough patch, or ones feelings change, and they don't know that that's ok and normal.

 

I also think that young marriage is good, because it gives the couple a chance to grow together as a couple. This has been my favorite thing about being with Dh from age 19.

 

:iagree:

DH and I have been together since I was 16 and he was 17. We got married at 18 and 19.... 19 years later - we see s many people we know getting married in their late 20's and 30's having a much more difficult time than we did....

[mommaduck]

I was 15 and he was just turning 18 when we met and started dating. Actually, we started courting/going steady. I wasn't able to "date" till I was 16. He came over for dinner, we took walks, we went to church together. We were allowed ONE "date" before I was 16 and only because it was a dinner/theatre being held at church. We married when I was 19 and he was 21. Our relationship didn't get really intense until we got engaged (I was 17 and he was 19).

[Kathryn]

I was 16, DH 19 when we met and started dating. I was 20 and he 23 when we married. We're now 32 and 35 and still together. We've been through a lot. We love each other and always will, but we both acknowledge that if we met today, we most likely wouldn't be together. We're very different people than we were half a lifetime ago. We came from very different backgrounds and those differences magnified the older we got and especially when we had children. But, like I said, we still love each other and are committed to our relationship.

 

Most of my high school classmates seem to have been married around 22-28 (a few to fellow classmates; one classmate couple just got married this year). I'd say over 2/3 of my Facebook high school friends are married with children.

[stripe]

But... don't you think that just depends on what circles you move in, what socio-economic class you were raised in, what religion you're part of, what your community looks like, etc.? I mean, that's not what my FB feed looks like! Most of my good friends from school are married with kids now, and so are many of my acquaintances from back in the day as well. A few had kids alone (perhaps unexpected life detours), some are single or dating, but it's not like you describe.

I completely agree with you. Among my friends from high school, I was far and away the first to get married (although one had a long and somewhat fake engagement, but I actually got married first), and they only started having kids when they were in their mid-thirties. It was really strange. I was not *that* young. (And other people I went to HS with had already gotten married and/or had kids, but not in my social group.) Whereas I went to college with a lot of Catholic girls who had a boyfriend that they intended to marry after graduating, and they did so.

 

I do think parents are often too caviler and dismissive about teenage relationships. Not every one I had was true love, but they were important relationships to me and I think of them as serious, real experiences - and the ones at 16 or 17 were no less important in the moment than the one at 22, when I got married to dh. There's not such a huge gap in age there.

I also don't understand the huge crisis of teen marriage when people have no problem with teen dating. Personally I don't consider divorce to be the worst thing ever, to the point that one should avoid getting married lest one (gasp!) end up divorced; I think that's wacky.

 

I think this sort of putting marriage on a pedestal actually hurts the institution of marriage. It becomes too holy to even attempt.

[chepyl]

We met at 16, started dating at 17, and married at 21. We did not rush into a wedding. We knew we would get married when we were 18.

[cathmom]

LOL my oldest is now 3 years older than dh and I were when we met!

[Momof3littles]

I didn't marry the guy I dated through a good portion of HS. DH and I went to HS together but were 2 years apart. Our first date was shortly before my HS graduation. He was already in college, but had transferred to a college close to home. I was heading off to college 2 hours away.

 

We dated through all of our college, including my program which was a combined 5 year bachelor's/master's program. It was a true test IMO...long distance isn't easy, but we made it work. Dh often worked Saturday mornings as a breakfast cook, so that made things even more challenging at times with a long distance relationship. We both had intense majors but managed to get through college with excellent grades. Sometimes I think having a long time boyfriend kept me out of trouble in college :) I had fun going out with friends but at the same time often hunkered down and studied more than I probably would have if I was single ;)

 

We married when I was just shy of 23 and he was 25. We recently celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. We've been together for 15+ years.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I don't think much of any polls on here, to be honest. It's not as if this board is a good representative sample of anything, really. You've got a pretty narrow slice of culture here with a few skews in the mix, but not enough to make it statistically valid.

 

I agree with you, Audrey.

 

That and my parents got married at 18... and divorced at 48.

[jenangelcat]

I think that getting married young is a great thing. IF both people can recognize that love is a choice and something you have to work at...sometimes hard, at various points in the relationship. I really believe that's why marriages break up early- because the couple hits a rough patch, or ones feelings change, and they don't know that that's ok and normal.

 

I also think that young marriage is good, because it gives the couple a chance to grow together as a couple. This has been my favorite thing about being with Dh from age 19.

 

:iagree:

[Kari C in SC]

I think that getting married young is a great thing. IF both people can recognize that love is a choice and something you have to work at...sometimes hard, at various points in the relationship. I really believe that's why marriages break up early- because the couple hits a rough patch, or ones feelings change, and they don't know that that's ok and normal.

 

I also think that young marriage is good, because it gives the couple a chance to grow together as a couple. This has been my favorite thing about being with Dh from age 19.

 

:iagree:

 

I have no regrets getting married young and I really do hope my kids meet somebody young too.

 

On a side note, my oldest son's best friend - who is like my other son married a girl from our homeschool group. His friend was not even homeschooled - he just was always hanging out at our house with a lot of the homeschooled kids. They are 23 and 21 now and have a baby girl that they graciously let my dh and I be grandma and grandpa to. We love that they are married and together!

[myfunnybunch]

I was surprised by the number of posters who responded negatively to a past post about that poster's son marrying young. My friends and sister all married in their teens and very early twenties to a high school or college sweetheart. All but one are still married, and the one who isn't married a man whose true colors only emerged after the marriage, and he was not a healthy person.

 

In many past times/cultures teens were (or are) considered adults, ready to embark on adult life, including marriage. I think the problem with "young" marriage has a lot more to do with our (cultural "our") perception of young people and romantic love. There's more focus on individual fulfillment and achievement and less support for young couples.

 

Cat

[hmschoolmom22]

Met my dh as a juinor in high school - I was 16, he was 17 (a senior), that was in 1983 that we started dating. We have now been married for 21 years and together for 28 years, I love him more today than ever!

 

BTW, we waited until we were 23 to get married.