Do you babysit for your sibling's kids some Saturday nights?

[HeidiKC]

ETA: I really appreciate all the replies, but most of them have included that they'd be glad to do it but the kids would come to their home. That is not an option and not what I'm asking. We don't have cribs, the girls wouldn't sleep here, our house is not childproofed, etc. and I am pretty sure they wouldn't like that option. This past summer they needed someone to watch the girls during the day (my SIL was sick) and I offered to do it two days/week, but said they'd need to come here. They said that would really just be too hard with all their gear, carseats, etc., me having to childproof for two 14-month-olds. Understandable.

 

So my question only refers to Saturday nights at their house (without my kids). Not doctor appts. during the day, or that kind of thing. Saturday nights, their house. Not my house. Thanks! Sorry I didn't make it more clear.

-----------------------------------------

 

My brother and his wife have 19-month old twins and he'll call me once in a while to babysit. Today he e-mailed to see if I could babysit Saturday night so they could go to a party (I already have plans so told him that). I feel kind of weird about this, but as my kids are the oldest in the family and I don't have experience with asking married (with kids) siblings to babysit for me Saturday night, I'm not sure if it is unusual or not.

 

When the babies were newborns I offered to babysit several times. I guess mainly because I wanted to help at that stressful time, spend time with the babies, and because I didn't think they'd be comfortable hiring babysitters for babies so young. But now it feels a bit odd to me. I know it's because they are short on money, and probably don't feel like a sitter is in the budget. Last fall my brother called me one Saturday morning saying his wife had strep throat and wondered if I could babysit for the day while he went to the football game! Ok, that seemed kind of crazy to me. Skip the game, dude. So I have that sort of history with him on my mind and so don't feel like I'm looking at this situation completely objectively. He also asked me to come watch the girls all day Saturday (after I'd done it Friday night) when my husband had taken my kids out of town for the weekend (YEAH!!!).

 

I am feeling a bit put upon by (pretty infrequent) requests now to babysit for his kids at his house (it wouldn't work to have them come here) on a Saturday night, but I'm not sure if I'm being a bit selfish and if many people do this for family. Do some of you occasionally babysit for siblings kids at their house on a Saturday night (no pay) or is this a somewhat out of the ordinary (presumptuous?) request?

 

I feel comfortable telling him soon that, NO - I have my own kids and will not likely ever be available on a Saturday night for him. But I guess if lots of people do babysit Saturday nights for family, maybe I should re-think things and try to help out family? I don't really have older family members or cousins with kids to know if this is done or not done! I don't really think he means to take advantage of me, because when the girls were little I offered to come over on Saturday nights if they wanted to go out. But I meant for the first 3 months, not the first 10 years!

 

Thanks for any insight into this.

Edited December 9, 2011 by HeidiKC
Adding info

[unsinkable]

:willy_nilly:

 

Argh, another babysitting thread!

 

:leaving:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, really. I'd do what I can to help my family if I was able to.

[NicAnn]

I don't have siblings with kids here, but growing up my aunts and uncles always babysat the nieces and nephews. My older brother lives several states away, but if he were here we would switch childcare whenever we could. Less expensive than hiring a babysitter and you get someone who loves your kids.

[Mrs Mungo]

I haven't been able to do it very often because I live thousands of miles from my siblings. However, my third born sister came and stayed with my kids the ONE time my dh and I went on vacation alone.

 

When my second born sister visits me we usually babysit at least one night and let her and her dh go out. Recently they were house hunting in a neighboring state and we watched their kids for the weekend while they did so.

 

Growing up I was the oldest grandchild and did lots of babysitting of my cousins.

 

I'm glad to help out where I can. I would babysit all the time (but, at *my* house) if I lived nearby and would never think twice about it.

Edited December 9, 2011 by Mrs Mungo

[amy g.]

Neither of my siblings have children, and are not likely to ever have them.

 

I would truly love to have nieces and nephews to babysit.

[Dustybug]

Well, I babysit my 6 year old nephew infrequently for no pay, but he comes to my house. We don't really have active Sat. nights though. lol. DH works every other Sat. night and even when he is home, we are more likely to just be all hanging out here together. I wouldn't go to her house though. My older niece and three nephews I sort of "supervise" occasionally (they are between the ages of 8-14) with no pay either and most of the time they come here, although I have gone to my MIL's house (right down the road) to sit with them from time to time. I don't know, if it were me, it wouldn't be a big deal except the going to their house bit as long as it wasn't all the time and not interfering with our plans.

[Mrs Mungo]

Last fall my brother called me one Saturday morning saying his wife had strep throat and wondered if I could babysit for the day while he went to the football game! Ok, that seemed kind of crazy to me. Skip the game, dude. So I have that sort of history with him on my mind and so don't feel like I'm looking at this situation completely objectively. He also asked me to come watch the girls all day Saturday (after I'd done it Friday night) when my husband had taken my kids out of town for the weekend (YEAH!!!).

 

These are situations where I likely would have said no and 1) skip the game and take your child somewhere to let your wife rest or stay home and take care of your wife and 2) sorry, this is my time to myself, some other time I'd be happy to.

[Julie Smith]

I don't, but that is more because we live far apart, a 2 hour drive.

 

But it is nice to have family to do those sorts of things. I know my Mom was just now kind enough to babysit my kids for us on a Sunday afternoon when we went to see "Rock of Ages".

 

I haven't lucked into finding a babysitter in our area. I also don't want to just advertise for one, or find one off a advertisement. If I had a neighbor I knew who could do it that would be different to me.

 

My brother lives near family. Sometimes he, or his wife watches his cousin's kids on. Other times his MIL, or our father, or someone watches his kids.

 

My Mom covers one of her nieces when the daycare can't have her kids. (And she has 36 nieces, this one niece just works out due to ages of kids, who else she has to watch kid)

 

In our family, if you live in the right 'area' you can pretty much depend on family to watch your kids. Be it for weekday or weekend coverage. As far as I know no one takes advantage of it. Everyone being asked to do the childcare is also more then welcome to say no.

 

It also connects the family more. They know each other better, and the kids grow up having a closer relationship with person XYZ.

 

The reason I'm not involved in this is because I live 2 hours away from the family area.

[Alice]

I wouldn't mind being asked but I wouldn't feel bad about saying no if it didn't work for me.

[Parker Martin]

No, not for an optional Saturday night out. I'm willing to do it for things like doctors' appointments though, and I would be willing to do it for a special occasion date night, like an anniversary, if it would be a hardship to go out otherwise.

 

If they want to go out on Saturdays and can't afford a babysitter, they might want to set up a babysitting trade with another couple.

[ChristusG]

Sounds normal to me. I'd rather have family babysitting my kids than anyone else. Our family helps each other out whenever possible.

[5wolfcubs]

I'd be glad to watch my siblings' children on a Saturday night if they lived within driving distance. Like yours, my kids are the oldest and my siblings were still in school when I married. So they babysat for dh & I on occasion.

 

In your case, is your brother or sil willing to watch your children? Even if you never need to take them up on it, the willingness would nice... :001_smile:

[JudoMom]

I would, but they would be coming to my house. Then they can be folded into my family's activities as much as possible, and it's not as much of a disruption (though 19 month old twins would be a disruption no matter what). I would not be going to their house--I think that's an unrealistic imposition, and I'd consider it more of a "babysitting job" that I would want to be paid for, rather than a "helping family out" situation that I would want to do for free.

[Aubrey]

As long as you're ok saying no when you need/want to & the kids aren't MONSTERS, I think that's what family is for! I do think it sounds like your bro is thinking about things like a man--ie, any woman would have known not to ask another woman to babysit when her dh has her own kids out of town, lol, but that happens w/ men. :001_smile:

[Lily_Grace]

I wouldn't mind being asked but I wouldn't feel bad about saying no if it didn't work for me.

 

This.

 

I do babysit for my sibling on the weekends, and they do the same for us. It's hard enough finding time to go out that when we do go we like the security of knowing our kids are with someone they love and trust.

 

Of course, I also wouldn't hesitate to say no if I had other plans, but a general Saturday night? Of course. Saturdays come and go, and I enjoy the time I get with children who grow so fast. :)

[SKL]

I have done it and would gladly do it occasionally. I've also asked siblings (and my dad) on rare occasions. I view it as an opportunity for extended family to spend time together. Those who have needed the money were paid. Others have made it clear that I dare not offer them money.

 

If it were a regular (expected) thing, I'd probably expect it to be for pay unless the couple really needed it (e.g., a medical issue reqiring both parents to be away from the child). Not because I need or want the money, but because they should not take advantage. My time is valuable.

 

Also, do feel free to have your own life. If you had something planned, say no and don't feel badly about it.

 

I would also suggest that older children get involved. If practical, I would suggest that the sibling hire my kid to babysit, either on my turf or theirs.

[Puma Mom]

I don't have nieces or nephews that live near me but I am close to some of them. We also have the oldest kids in that generation, so my dc are 14-21yo and I have sibling in-laws I am close to with dc in the 5-7yo range.

 

I think it's up to you and what you are comfortable/interested in doing. I personally would probably be fine with doing it occasionally if I wanted to be close to them in the long run. I don't see anything wrong in his asking you, but there's also nothing wrong with saying no or having stipulations. It might be best to decide what you'd be comfortable with--only at your house, only every couple of months, only in an emergency, whatever --and communicate that to them. Watching them at their house on their whim is most convenient to them, so that's what they'll ask for unless you give them guidelines.

[myfunnybunch]

I wouldn't mind being asked but I wouldn't feel bad about saying no if it didn't work for me.

 

Me, too. I'd probably be happy to help family and have a relationship with my nephews, but I have a good relationship with my sister and her children. But I wouldn't have a problem saying no if I was unavailable or it was too inconvenient or, heck, if I just didn't want to.

 

It's not unreasonable on your brother's part to ask. It's not unreasonable of you to say no if you don't want to do it.

 

Cat

[Joker]

We did it all the time for one another when we lived near each other. I would rather have my family babysit and kids play with their cousins than a teenager/friend/neighbor.

[Night Elf]

We're always home, so babysitting wouldn't be a problem. I've never lived close enough to my sister to babysit my niece and nephew.

 

You don't say why it won't work for them to bring the kids to you. I think that is an important element to consider. If they are asking you to come to them out of convenience, that may be asking for a bit much. Free babysitting is a blessing and they should be doing their part to accommodate you.

 

But I think you should do what your heart is telling you to do. It sounds like you have resentment over the idea. Would you really be able to sit for them without resentment just because other women said they would do it with no problem?

 

I don't know the relationship you have with your brother but he may not see asking you as taking advantage. He may think you really enjoy spending time with them just for its own sake. If that makes sense.

[higginszoo]

My s-i-l used to babysit for us occasionally so we could just get out back when our oldest was a baby (then she moved away).

 

If she or my brother lived closer, I'd keep their girls on the occasional Saturday night as long as I didn't have other plans, but wouldn't feel bad about saying no if I did had plans or just needed the night off.

[katilac]

Sure, definitely. I don't think it's an out of the ordinary or presumptuous request at all. Actually, we'd think it mighty strange if a sib paid for a babysitter! We definitely never pay each other. I think most families trade favors like that.

 

Does your brother have a history of turning you down for little favors like that? If so, then yes, a bit more nervy on their part, but really, I don't think most people would think anything of it unless they were asking quite frequently.

 

Why won't it work for them to come to your house? They aren't that young. If it's just a preference on the parents part, I'd simply say that I'd be happy to do it if they're willing to come to my house.

[MeaganS]

If I wasn't doing anything I would probably like to babysit every now and then for them. We don't have any siblings nearby or with kids, but if I did, I imagine I would probably be happy to babysit occasionally. But I would also not feel bad turning them down when I couldn't either.

[Heather R]

Well, we were the first on both sides to have kids, and all our siblings have babysat at least once, at our home. DH's sister in particular has been a huge help to us over the years. She is single and doesn't seem to mind. She also has no problem saying no if she is busy or doesn't want to.

 

Once DH's brother and his wife had kids, we do babysit each others kids, but in the babysitters home. I would feel put out to go sit alone at their house if my own family was at home. Also, part of the reason I enjoy watching my niece and nephews is it gives the kids "cousin time".

 

I would say, "It isn't going to work for me to come to your house and babysit on Saturday nights. You are welcome to drop them off here to spend time with our family and pick them up when you are done."

 

The inconvenience of moving sleeping babies may mean a paid sitter is suddenly "worth it".

 

Just my thoughts...

Heather

[HeidiKC]

:willy_nilly:

 

Argh, another babysitting thread!

 

:leaving:

 

 

Sorry, I must have missed the others!

[HeidiKC]

Thanks so much for all your replies. It has helped a lot. Ok, sounds like lots of people have done this. I wouldn't think twice about helping them out during the day for doc appts. and such. I guess Saturday night with me leaving my kids here while I went to their house seemed a bit odd, but maybe not. The Saturday night thing with me at their house is much different to me than Grandma helping out or me helping out during the day or them bringing their kids over here. It definitely wouldn't be cousin time since I wouldn't bring my kids. They'd need to go to bed and it's easier for my husband to just put them to bed here.

 

I know they wouldn't bring the girls here to sleep - they'd say they wouldn't go to sleep (and they probably wouldn't - I tried it for a nap once and it was a disaster!), which would stink for everyone! We also don't have cribs for them.

 

I think the best thing to do would be to just ask them if they'd like to have me out there once/month and one of them could come here once/month or something like that. I also like the idea of having my kids help out. I think he has just asked me a few too many times to help out at odd times (strep throat thing, when my kids were gone, etc.) that I feel a bit taken advantage of and wasn't sure if this was another of those. Ya'll have assured me it isn't and I appreciate that and will try to help them out when I can. The twins are AWFULLY cute and sweet!

[vonfirmath]

Occasionally, sure.

I've travelled 2.5 hours to babysit my sister's kids, at her house. (But we love seeing them and they let us spend the night afterwards). She's babysat our kids on a couple of occasions when we took them to her house (And volunteered to come pick up once if we'd pick up the other way -- that turned out not to be necessary because the timees did not conflict as we thought they would).

 

Its what family does.

 

OTOH, she already expressed that, even if we lived closer, she was NOT willing to do childcare (paid or unpaid). It's not something she can do and homeschool.

That's fine with us. I don't think I'd want to do it regular either. But I wouldn't mind doing it more often.

 

OTOH, if I had other plans I'd also tell her and expect her to tell me if they could not watch the kids.

[athena1277]

I would do it when I could. Like when I didn't already have plans on that day. I would love to babysit my niece and nephew who live nearby, but they have an au pair (sp?), so she keeps them if they want to go out. I would also love for them to watch our kids, but don't want to ask. I only ask when I have a dr appt I can't take the kids with me to and dh is working.

[catz]

I think the request to go to their house is a bit odd. If I were asking for free babysitting it would definitely be at the convenience of the babysitter which would likely be in their space. In general, I think it's great if siblings exchange kids back and forth. I think it's fine to ask, and it's fine to draw a line if it doesn't work for you.

 

I have a relationship with my brother such that we were at a place where he'd ask for free child care but never, ever offered to take our kids and that was the only time we'd see them or hear from there. My retired parents probably covered them for about 2 months (or more) of daytime child care over the course of the year because their daycare situation was so unreliable (but extremely cheap). Both my parents and I have had to cut back in that situation and kind of force them to step up to the plate and parent. So I do think it depends on family dynamics and history.

[Celia]

Yes, but I would expect to be able to ask them to babysit as well! It would be an, "Okay, but I want a date with my husband next Saturday night, so can your wife come over then while you take care of your daughters?"

 

I also wouldn't do an entire day unless the circumstance was really unusual, or your brother was generous with his time with you.

 

I think what it really comes down to for me is the level of give and take in the relationship. Are you always the one expected to do the giving? That would make me personally feel used, and I wouldn't let that continue, as it would cause bitterness.

[zookeeper]

We've babysat on and off for my brother's kids. They usually come to our house and if it's going to be a late night, they just stay overnight. I'm always happy to babysit them anytime it fits in. Since we've got older and younger kids, they love coming over here! Now that I've got a teen dd, she will go watch them at their house if it's an afternoon thing. I've never considered it a burden and am glad to help them out financially when they can't afford to pay a sitter. They rarely watch ours because of our teens now, but they did periodically when our dc were smaller.

[PeacefulChaos]

I don't see why it's a big deal... especially if it's infrequently.

However, Idk about going to their house to do it. I have 3 kids at home, and all of them have more fun if they are together.

[CAMom]

I'll answer before I read.:)

 

If my siblings lived close to me, I would be happy to babysit on a Saturday night! I would definitely prefer it be at my own house, though, unless there was a specific reason to avoid that.

 

If they started asking me every week or two (unless it was because they had to work on Sat. night), I'd likely put a stop to it.

 

How frequently are they asking?

[jennsmile]

I have babysat for siblings on occasion. Never again will I be daycare, but that would be another thread.

 

I think at this late time, and since you have plans I would decline. But on occasion I don't see a problem with helping though I prefer watching on my turf.

 

I am blessed to have my mom to babysit often (usually less than once a week.) And nieces who are teens. So I usually don't ask my bil or sil who live close.

[CAMom]

These are situations where I likely would have said no and 1) skip the game and take your child somewhere to let your wife rest or stay home and take care of your wife and 2) sorry, this is my time to myself, some other time I'd be happy to.

 

:iagree:

 

In the strep case, I would have told him I didn't want my family to be exposed to strep which his kids might be coming down with if their mom had it.

[Catwoman]

I know it's because they are short on money, and probably don't feel like a sitter is in the budget.

 

If they are short on money and can't afford a sitter, maybe they shouldn't be going out on Saturday nights. ;)

 

I may be in the minority here, but I think your brother is trying to take advantage of you. It is tremendously inconsiderate of him to ask you to drive all the way to his house to babysit on a Saturday night. Then, you're the one stuck driving all the way home late at night by yourself, and you also miss out on doing something fun with your own dh and kids.

 

I would just say no. It sounds a bit like if you say yes, these babysitting requests will become more and more frequent.

 

And the strep throat/ football game thing was just plain over the top. :glare:

[abbeyej]

...So I have that sort of history with him on my mind ...

 

I'm betting that's the issue more than anything.

 

I see absolutely nothing wrong with siblings asking each other for occasional babysitting help. I doubt I'll get the opportunity -- my brother and his wife still don't have kids and they live far away -- but I don't *think* I'd have any qualms about occasional babysitting. In fact, I wish it were a possibility!

 

*But* maybe you're feeling 1) taken for granted, an 2) like this isn't a reciprocal arrangement? Is your brother calling you for favors but not offering (or you're just not asking) for anything in return? Would you feel better about it if there were an odd job around the house or something like that that he could take on in exchange for a few hours of babysitting?

 

But you also say his requests are infrequent. It doesn't *sound* like he's really taking advantage of you. And it sounds like you're more or less comfortable saying, "I'm sorry, I'm not available then". And you *should* be able to say that, no questions asked. ... But if he needs help and you're able to give it, then that sounds like a great way for you to develop a relationship with his kids. Be the fun aunt they look forward to seeing. :) ... But it's also fine to say "no" if you need to.

 

(And yes, lol, the football game would irk me too. But I can also see being disappointed if I had a weekend activity planned for a long time and suddenly dh couldn't watch the kids. ... Maybe he shouldn't have asked, but I can also understand why he might have thought it was a good idea for a moment...)

[NanceXToo]

My brother and I who live on the same street do exchange occasional babysitting services but not for late night out things that would affect getting either of our kids to bed at a normal hour barring an emergency. For that kind of nighttime thing, we would make alternate plans such as seeing if Grandma could come over or if we could hire a babysitter.

[jujsky]

My SIL babysits for us on occasion (maybe 5-10 times/year) and we don't pay her. I wouldn't dream of paying family unless it was a long-term arrangement. If I worked and SIL was my babysitter, I would absolutely pay her. When and if she and my brother have kids (brother isn't a kid person, but I can always hope -- SIL would be a fantastic mom) I will baby-sit for them too. Honestly, I wouldn't even mind baby-sitting in a situation like you described -- SIL is sick and brother has some fun thing he wants to do -- because I know in that case my sick SIL would probably be getting up to care for the baby even if brother stayed home. Did I mention he's not a kid person and he's a germaphobe to boot? ;) I can understand why that particular instance would make you feel taken advantage of though if your brother is not like mine.

 

Also, I can understand your SIL and brother asking you instead of hiring a sitter. I'm much more comfortable leaving my kids with relatives than a paid sitter --it's not a matter of money, but comfort. They love my kids and will make sure they are taken care of. A paid baby-sitter is working for me and everything, but that doesn't mean she will do a good job.

[nukeswife]

I don't have siblings with kids, but dh and I have another couple that we're close friends with who are like a brother/sister to us. When we were lucky enough to be stationed near together (it doesn't apply now because our oldest kids are old enough to leave in charge of youngers) we would do kid swap weekends. One of us would take the others kids on Friday and keep them overnight, then about lunch time on Saturday all the kids would go to the other house and spend the night there and we'd all get together at lunch time Sunday hang out until dinner and then go home. We did this ever two weeks and we'd swap off who got Friday and who got Saturday night. It was excellent.

[snickelfritz]

We TRADE (not a set thing....favors are just eventually reciprocated) occasional babysitting. In fact, my SIL is watching our kids on Wednesday night for dh's work party.

 

We don't feel bad (or get mad) if the answer needs to be no. Since no one abuses the system, we haven't had to feel with requests being lopsided. And they are fairly infrequent. Maybe every other month or so.

[Wabi Sabi]

If they are short on money and can't afford a sitter, maybe they shouldn't be going out on Saturday nights. ;)

 

 

My dh and I are obligated to attend a Christmas party (somewhat social, somewhat work related) on Saturday evening. We also really can't afford a sitter and luckily my sister was able/willing to watch the kids.

 

So you're saying that dh and I shouldn't attend this party (which would likely result in some very hurt feelings) because a $10-15/hr babysitter isn't in the budget at the moment? Going to a work function or other similar open house/party isn't something that actually costs us money, FWIW, nor is packing a lunch and taking a hike in national forest land expensive for us. Luckily our friends and family are quite gracious to help us out for these kind of things and we're happy to also have their children if they would like to get out together for an afternoon or evening.

 

These kind of things occur a handful of times a year for us at most and the OP even admitted that the requests from her brother are very infrequent. I really just don't understand the resentment that she's expressing considering that they're family and that the requests are relatively few and far between.

 

That being said, I would (and have) told my sibling that while I would love to have the children over for the evening to see their cousins that it would really need to be at my house. It may be a little inconvenient for them, but when you're the one asking for a favor that's just part of the deal IMO.

Edited December 9, 2011 by Wabi Sabi

[jasar31629]

We've never used a babysitter. We are fortunate to have Nana and Papa near enough for our occasional date nights and my sister loves to take dd for an overnight once in awhile. Usually she asks.

 

I'd feel a bit odd asking someone to come to my house though...It's always been at their houses. Is there a reason they can't come to you?

 

I wouldn't feel put on if it's infrequent. I would like for the kids to come to me though.

[HeidiKC]

I really just don't understand the resentment that she's expressing considering that they're family and that the requests are relatively few and far between.

 

I'm not exactly feeling resentful, just maybe...unsure! He never offers to watch my kids (as my friends do if they ever ask me to watch their kids). And I kind of don't think he would (or it would be pretty reluctantly) if I asked, though I never have asked since he's been married. As I said, he's asked me at some rather odd times in the past (his wife is sick and he wants to go to a football game), twice in one weekend when my husband had taken the kids out of town so I could have a break. So that is where I'm not sure what is really expected in most cases of family.

 

And this is at their house on a Saturday night, not mine. That's a completely different situation than having them come to my house. I see lots of people responding that it would be no problem, but the kids would come to their house. But that is not what they are asking or what they want. And it really wouldn't work anyway as we don't have cribs and they wouldn't go to bed. Our house is not at all childproofed for little ones, and I know they'd worry about that, too.

[74Heaven]

I would do this for free (and often do) in a heartbeat! When the kids are very young, it is much easier to come home to kids in their own bed. It is much easier to babysit toddlers in their own environment; esp at bedtime.

 

I may have even done it for the go-to-football-game-with-sick-wife request. I may have doubted the appropriateness of the request - but it could be that the game had expensive tickets /brother goes once a season for his "get-away"? I don't know about that. It could be that he was driving / i.e. someone was counting on him / he was going with his boss, etc. etc.

 

I would just see if I could help and them make my decision based on that. I'd appreciate the time to bond with the children and help out friends/relatives.

 

I also get the too-broke-for-a-sitter angle. And the "practically-have-to-for-work-party". And the "exhausted-parent-who-needs-a-break-angle".

 

For me and the ones I love, life is all about adjusting to serve one-another.

 

Lisa j, mom to 5

Edited December 9, 2011 by 74Heaven
softer, gentler tone now

[foxbridgeacademy]

DH and I had one of my 3 nephews every weekend. I have two younger sisters that were not settled at the time. I practically raised one of the boys for his first two years. As a child my cousins were at my house constantly, and I spent a lot of time at my aunt's and grandmother's houses. By sharing kids it will bring you closer together as a family. That said, you have plans? Say no. You have the weekend free? Say no. You just don't feel like it? Say no. Consider setting up a regular 1X per month or every other month Saturday to take the kids. Make it clear that this is it, except in medical emergencies.

[littlebug42]

Yes, I would do it. My siblings, Mom and MIL are the only people that have ever babysat our children. I also think it is easier to watch little ones like that in their own homes so I would prefer it since I am no longer set up for little ones. All of my nephews are teens now and we have all helped each other. Wouldn't have it any other way. I will add that it is never something any of us have taken for granted either.

[2squared]

I'm not exactly feeling resentful, just maybe...unsure! He never offers to watch my kids (as my friends do if they ever ask me to watch their kids). And I kind of don't think he would (or it would be pretty reluctantly) if I asked, though I never have asked since he's been married. As I said, he's asked me at some rather odd times in the past (his wife is sick and he wants to go to a football game), twice in one weekend when my husband had taken the kids out of town so I could have a break. So that is where I'm not sure what is really expected in most cases of family.

 

And this is at their house on a Saturday night, not mine. That's a completely different situation than having them come to my house. I see lots of people responding that it would be no problem, but the kids would come to their house. But that is not what they are asking or what they want. And it really wouldn't work anyway as we don't have cribs and they wouldn't go to bed. Our house is not at all childproofed for little ones, and I know they'd worry about that, too.

 

I understand. There is a difference between feeling like a daycare provider and feeling like a family helping out. We used to live by dh's brother, and the SIL frequently asked us to babysit so she could go shopping or some other random errand. Our kids and their kids were toddlers at the time, and it was a lot of work to watch the kids. SIL would be out having fun and we would be stuck with the work. It kinda felt like when I'm stuck at home yet again with the littles while dh is out having adult time yet again.

[Lily of the Valley]

I am the oldest of several siblings. It has always been the norm in my family for family members to watch each others children, for free. My children are old enough now that my oldest can stay at home with our younger child, so I don't need to ask family to take care of mine very often, but I still babysit for my nieces and nephews. It's just something you do for family, in our case.

 

I do prefer to babysit in my home though, rather than going to their homes. And if someone else is watching my kids, it's usually at their home.

 

Obviously, if I already have other plans, I don't change my plans in order to babysit, unless it's an emergency.

[Guest]

I wish I still lived by my siblings. I could ask two of my four siblings (the two younger siblings are younger than my children) to babysit and they would if they were available. I also used to babysit for my sister (older brother doesn't have kids) when I was available.

 

I would, personally, baby-proof my house if it wasn't so I could do it at home, but I would also be willing to babysit over there sometimes. If they aren't willing to let you do it at your house sometimes, that seems odd. You say it won't work, but I don't see how it wouldn't. Most people just baby-proof certain areas and keep the kids out of any areas that aren't safe. I think this situation is being made more difficult than it has to be, in all honesty.

 

Anyway, I think it's wonderful when siblings trade babysitting duties.