Would you leave a 2yo with your dh for 10 days?

[Janie Grace]

I should be crazy-excited but I have a pit in my stomach. Help? My mom is taking me to the Caribbean for 10 days in February. It is something she has always wanted to do and part of me is just overwhelmed with gratitude and says "you need this." (Well, I don't NEED this, but it has been a very, very hard year with illness, moving, etc.) I have never taken a trip ALONE away from my kids (just short ones w/ dh) and I have never been somewhere so exotic. I cannot believe it's real.

 

The tickets are paid for (by my mom). We were going to take a break from school in Feb. anyway so that's okay. Dh can take off and work from home. The kids are excited for me, even though they'll miss me. But then there's 2yo ds.

 

He's totally attached to me. He hasn't nursed since early spring but you'd never know it. He just plain LOVES his mama. I'm the one who he wants when he's tired, sad, hurt... well, always.

 

Will he be okay? Is this a huge mistake? I guess it's too late to decide otherwise but I really do want to hear your opinions. Any tips on making this easier for him?

[Guest submarines]

:grouphug: Do you think you will be able to enjoy the trip? Is there way to take him with you?

[meggie]

Ummm...heck yes I would. What are the ages of your other children? Is one of them babysitting age so you can count on them to help out? That would make it even easier for me.

 

Does your 2 year old have a stuffy or a blanky that he's attached to? If not, I would get working on that ASAP. It has been my experience that even when kids are super attached to mom, they can be easily distracted with other things as well. If you leave him home with Daddy for a few hours, how does he handle that? I'd probably be practicing that as well. HAVE FUN!!!!

[catz]

Sure! This is a great chance for your DH to really bond with the little guy. Go go go! :D

 

I'd start by running more errands with out him and go out in the evening and letting your DH do bed time. I'd warn him in advance and say "Daddy gets to put you to bed for 10 nights in a row! That will be so fun for you!". Maybe Daddy can make a paper chain with one chain for each day you'll be gone he can rip off to count down until you're home. Can you take a laptop and set up Skype? Skype is great for when my husband is on long business trips. My kids are super excited to skype with him at the end of the day.

 

Have a GREAT trip. Sounds just wonderful!

[plain jane]

If I had a 2yo who wasn't nursing I'd have no problems leaving them with my dh. He cooks well, cleans, does laundry... I know the kids would be well cared for and I wouldn't worry a bit about them.

 

That's not to say I wouldn't miss them dearly. :)

 

I guess it depends on how your dh is. Not all my friends' dhs care to or even can cook. :lol: I don't know if I could leave my kids to 10 days for frozen pizza and take out unless it was an emergency.

[Crimson Wife]

Go, he'll be fine :001_smile: Seriously!

[danybug]

:grouphug: I hate to tell you my opinion, because I realize how hard the decision is. But...I would not be able to do it personally. I would be a mess. I might enjoy a few days, but 10 is soooo long. For me, 2 is to young for that long and especially a child how is really attached to mama.

 

I am sorry to make it seem sadder, it is just not something I could do. :grouphug::grouphug::group hug: as you make your decision.

[Janie Grace]

Ummm...heck yes I would. What are the ages of your other children? Is one of them babysitting age so you can count on them to help out? That would make it even easier for me.

 

Does your 2 year old have a stuffy or a blanky that he's attached to? If not, I would get working on that ASAP. It has been my experience that even when kids are super attached to mom, they can be easily distracted with other things as well. If you leave him home with Daddy for a few hours, how does he handle that? I'd probably be practicing that as well. HAVE FUN!!!!

 

My other kids (4 of them) are 5, 8, 10 and 13. The 13yo is a girl and she does babysit -- ds2 loves her a lot and she (and the 10yo) is a huge help. He does have a blanket he's attached to, as well as several special stuffed animals. He does okay with dh alone... asks for me some (pitifully) but is distractible and generally happy... for him. I guess that's part of it; he's just kind of a moody kid anyway (okay, he's a big part of why this has been a hard year -- he's a high-needs toddler!). So even with me, he's not exactly happy-go-lucky. Without me, he vacillates between okay and majorly ticked off. I guess this is why it's hard to think of being away from him... but also why I'm really grateful for the break. :o

[Impish]

In a heartbeat.

 

I figure its a once in a lifetime thing.

 

I was at the ER a week ago, leaving Wolf with all 4 kids. I've never been away from a newborn. EVER. So, I called home while waiting. As I said to Wolf, "I *know* baby is fine, that you take care of him as well as I do, but my Mommy hormones are going insane, and I need to *hear* everything is ok."

[Stacia]

He'll be fine & you will too. Go & have a fabulous vacation w/ your mom!

[Lisa R.]

Absolutely. You should go. Your dh will appreciate you even more when you get back.

[Janie Grace]

Sure! This is a great chance for your DH to really bond with the little guy. Go go go! :D

 

I'd start by running more errands with out him and go out in the evening and letting your DH do bed time. I'd warn him in advance and say "Daddy gets to put you to bed for 10 nights in a row! That will be so fun for you!". Maybe Daddy can make a paper chain with one chain for each day you'll be gone he can rip off to count down until you're home. Can you take a laptop and set up Skype? Skype is great for when my husband is on long business trips. My kids are super excited to skype with him at the end of the day.

 

Have a GREAT trip. Sounds just wonderful!

 

Great ideas! Thank you. Dh does put him down sometimes but ds doesn't like it. I think it might help if there was more of a routine (besides just singing a little song to him, which is what I do now)... then there would be more for dh to do in my stead, you know? More familiarity.

 

Love the paperchain and Skyping idea. Thanks!

[BigMamaBird]

I would leave MY 2 year old with MY husband. But that's taking into account our personalities, family dynamics and support structures.

[zaichiki]

Not with MY dh. (He's a wonderful dad, he just wouldn't appreciate being the primary person responsible for our 2 y.o. for such a long time. And, unless it was an emergency, like me being in the hospital, I wouldn't do it.)

 

But my dh and my kid might not be *yours*, ya know? Every situation is different and ya gotta play it by ear.

[Caribbean Queen]

No, I would not even consider it. At that age my children and I are too attached to each other for that.

[elegantlion]

Absolutely. Now my dh would be the big baby and throw a fit about not going with me, but yes, I'd leave him in charge for 10 days.

[Janie Grace]

If I had a 2yo who wasn't nursing I'd have no problems leaving them with my dh. He cooks well, cleans, does laundry... I know the kids would be well cared for and I wouldn't worry a bit about them.

 

That's not to say I wouldn't miss them dearly. :)

 

I guess it depends on how your dh is. Not all my friends' dhs care to or even can cook. :lol: I don't know if I could leave my kids to 10 days for frozen pizza and take out unless it was an emergency.

 

Dh does well with the kiddos. He doesn't clean a lot besides sweeping/vacuuming and telling kids to clean the bathrooms. ;) But he does fine. He cooks basic stuff, but I'd definitely leave some homemade frozen meals to make it simpler (and b/c I think that would be nice for the kids -- mom's food). Laundry is fine. He knows the routines, and he's really engaged and affectionate. He's a great, capable dad.

[bbkaren]

He'll also appreciate all that you do a lot more! Enjoy!

[Janie Grace]

:grouphug: I hate to tell you my opinion, because I realize how hard the decision is. But...I would not be able to do it personally. I would be a mess. I might enjoy a few days, but 10 is soooo long. For me, 2 is to young for that long and especially a child how is really attached to mama.

 

I am sorry to make it seem sadder, it is just not something I could do. :grouphug::grouphug::group hug: as you make your decision.

 

No, I really did want to hear what others thought! I know, 10 days is going to feel really long. Gulp. :crying:

[JennyD]

Wow, as devoted a husband and involved a father as my DH is, I can't imagine him offering to stay home with the kids for a week for anything short of a Major Crisis. You've got a real keeper there. And your mom sounds pretty great, too. :001_smile:

 

In any event, I would absolutely go. I mean, it's not like you're leaving the 2yo with a babysitter for 10 days, he'll be with his DAD. And your mom must be just beyond thrilled at the chance of having her daughter all to herself for 10 days. What a wonderful gift.

Edited November 26, 2011 by JennyD

[clarkacademy]

Yes I would. Their dad was very hands on with diapers and rocking and everything so yeah I would go. I would miss them like crazy but I would go knowing he could handle anything. My kiddos were very attatched to me as well being I was the full time caregiver and all but they would have lived!

 

I say have a wonderful time and call when you can. I bet dad works alot so this could be some great bonding time for him. I am a mjor control freak over my kids but sometimes they need a little daddy time :D

[Sasharowan]

I went for 4 days when my youngest had just turned 3. Took dd to my sis's for Fri-Mon. He did great and when we got back, went straight past me and grabbed his sister!!! We had called him Klingon baby up to that point. Go, have fun! Enjoy!!

[MariannNOVA]

Being totally honest here -- with my youngest being the twins who are now 11, I say go.

 

When they were 2 years old, though, if you had asked me, I'd give the same answer as Danybug.

 

I think that perspective makes a huge difference.

 

I'm sure that doesn't help much. If your husband can handle it, I say go -- your ds will adjust. For me, it would hinge on how responsible and capable the caregiver was going to be.

[jplain]

Nope, I wouldn't do it unless it was an emergency. DH wouldn't be comfortable with it, and when my kids were two years old they were still breastfeeding.

So even if my 2yo was comfortable with the separation, I wouldn't want to pump and dump (to avoid mastitis) while on vacation!

 

When they were 4 and 6 I left my kids with DH for 2 days to go to a funeral.

That went fine, but we were all relieved my trip didn't have to be any longer than that.

[Teachin'Mine]

No, I really did want to hear what others thought! I know, 10 days is going to feel really long. Gulp. :crying:

 

Sand between the toes and warm green, blue water will help tremendously. :D I would have said that maybe you should take him, but your other children will be a tremendous help, your husband is able to care for him, and you sound like you need a break. Go and enjoy! :) You'll get back home refreshed and better able to care for all of them since you took some time out to care for yourself. I think the Skyping in the evening is a great idea. :)

[Halcyon]

Yes, yes, 1000 times yes. You'll have fun. Your strength as a mother comes not only from BEING there for your kids, but being there for yourself--being able to take time for yourself, nurturing your relationship with your mother (so important) and allowing your husband to take on (more) responsibility (ie. letting go...so hard!)

 

Have a wonderful time.

 

ETA: Yes, this assumes you aren't nursing LOL. I nursed my oldest til he was almost 5 so......;)

[boscopup]

Having a 2 year old right now... I'd say YES, absolutely! The child is with a parent, not some stranger or grandparent or something. It's his DAD. I think my 2 year old would be totally fine. My DH on the other hand... :lol:

 

We're leaving the kids with grandparents for a few days soon. They've stayed once overnight so far, and they did great. They love their grandparents' house. I look forward to just a FEW days without hearing "why", "what happens if", and "Waaaaaaah!!!!!" :D

 

While my kids are very much attached to me (my 2 year old won't go to Daddy if I'm in the room), they LOVE other people when I'm not around, and they have no problem being away from me if I'm not there to see. It's just if I'm there that they need to be attached at the hip. :tongue_smilie: Same goes for things like my babies nursing to sleep... While I had to nurse them, if I wasn't around, they'd go to bed just fine without nursing, knowing that Daddy isn't equipped. ;)

[Bluegoat]

Yes, I would go. His dad and siblings are with him, and he'll be fine. He might make more of a connection with his dad than he has before too.

[lula]

I left my 2 year old for a week and a half with my husband. (I did this with both kids actually)

 

My kids were extremely attached, I put them to bed at night, they were very Mom-centric by nature, my husband didn't even always understand everything my 2-year old was saying, etc. They did great while I was gone, things that they normally insisted that only wanted 'mom' to do for them when I was around went just fine when Dad was the only option! ;D (Both of my kids quit nursing right before their second birthdays so that wasn't an issue for us.)

 

My husband was completely busy and crazed but he really appreciated the Dad-only bonding time. He is a very involved guy but does things different than I do. Sometimes I think it is nice for everybody to see that Mom's way isn't better than Dad's way, it's just different. It was also great for me to actually see that my husband rocks as a dad even when I am not there! (I mean I knew he was great before but now I don't even worry that in the event of an emergency he wouldn't be able to handle it!) The kids have grown to actually enjoy it when I have to leave for a few days!

 

He is their dad, they are with a parent. I wouldn't look at it so much as leaving them as it is the kids get to spend ALL of their time with their dad while you get a Mom/daughter trip. I hope my daughter is able to spend some Mom/daughter time with me after she has kids!

 

If you do want to talk to them daily I would just try to schedule it so that it isn't at bedtime or another time of the day that is normally spent only with you. I found my kids would get sad at night if I called but if I called during the day bedtime went just fine.

[Hot Lava Mama]

But your hubby. It depends! If he can manage, I'll send my kids over there too, and join you!

:)

Hot Lava Mama

[Natalieclare]

Well, once I left my 2yo and the rest of my family for 5 days. I decided after that trip that I wouldn't repeat the experience. I just didn't like being away from such a youngin' for that length of time. I missed her tangibly, and it seriously detracted from my entire trip.

 

Contrast that with vacationing with girlfriends when my youngest (at the time) was 6. No problems whatsoever.

 

My husband is urging me to go with my oldest out of the country in the spring...for about 10 days. My baby will be 2. I just don't think I can do it. My husband is perfectly capable; no problems there. He is a stellar dad. (Dusting is another matter, but a totally insignificant one, in my book.) I just am too attached to leave my little guy just yet.

 

I do believe he'd be just fine.

[Osmosis Mom]

I would never voluntarily be that long away from my 2 yo or my kids unless it was a family emergency. Couldn't care less about what the destination was. I *might* go 2-3 nights, but even so, probably not. I am not really attached to my kids, but the safety of having me around and the instant cuddles I can get are too strong ties.

[8circles]

Yes. I know how you feel but he'll be fine. Go.

[jennsmile]

While you it sounds like a great trip, I would have a very hard time leaving my 2 yo. Usually we are still nursing or working on weaning.

 

I have had to travel and leave my older kids when there is a funeral. But in each case was able to bring along my little ones. One was when I traveled cross country at Christmas with my parents to my grandma's funeral. While my oldest was fine dh was on christmas break. My mom thought it important to take my milddle child who was 3 3/4 along with my 6 month old. We had a blast and it was fun just having the two of them. The following year I had to travel with my MIL to her mom's funeral. I took my 18 month old. Again it was a treat to just have fewer kids. The others really were fine but it was only a few days.

 

If it was me I would take my 2 yo and enjoy the time with just him. Just having fewer kids will be a break enough for me. My mom would also help with my child so it would be fun. But that is my family.

 

:grouphug: Whatever you decide it really is up to you. Maybe try a night away or a weekend and see how he does? I have kids with different personalities. My middle one did not even like nursery at church but my youngest who is now 3 has no problem going and will take off on his own and is very independent.

[mom4him]

Really the only thing I think you need to be prepared for is it will change your initial relationship with you 2yr. Two weeks is a long time for a little one and he may attach to someone else in the family. He may also be very angry with you when you come back and literally give you the cold shoulder.

[Dolphin]

If your dh is good with it, go!

 

Face time or skype is a great tool.

 

I had to be away from dd for 10 days when she was 10 months and still breast feeding. She was weaned immediately. (Hospital emergency and lots of drugs, me at too much risk, so no chance of pumping) I tried to nurse when I got home and she wasn't interested. No long standing damage. If anything the time turned out to be good, she is more dependent on both parents.

 

When she was 2 my mom took me to a spa for a week (recovery for that rough year) It was great. We did skype. I missed the kids, but I was in such better health and spirits when I got back. Dh and the kids had a blast. They had cereal for dinner one night, he introduced them to Tom and Jerry. It was good.

 

Anyway, thats my 2 cents

 

Nicole

[6packofun]

I think it sounds like an excellent opportunity for dad and son, to be honest! I've always liked the times that my little ones preferred me...up to a point. LOL When they start to really like their daddy, boy it takes an emotional load off of me and I know dh loves it, too. Nothing like feeling like chopped liver for the first 2-3 years of a kid's life! :D

 

That said, of course I would be nervous and checking in every day. But I would go!!

[Haiku]

Any tips on making this easier for him?

 

Start getting dad more involved with his care now.

 

Your post was titled, "Would you leave a 2yo with your dh for 10 days?" My answer? Yes.

 

I left my 2 year old with my dad for a week when I traveled to adopt my son. She lived. ;)

 

Tara

[hollyh]

Totally. I would miss the kids terribly, but they will be fine. One thing my parents always did was make little lunch bags with $ store gifts for each day and a note. It totally made it more fun when they would go away. I recently did it for my 4yo and she never complained b/c she was looking forward to the next day's gift.

[Pink Fairy]

I would miss my littlest guy like crazy, but I'd go anyway and have an awesome time with my mom. ♥

[hollyh]

oh, another thought. I did have to leave my odd when she was 2 for almost a month!! I was in the hospital with preterm labor for the twins. It was hard on me, but she survived and her and her dad became so much closer. Up until then she was SOOO mama's girl, and that time together allowed them to bond in a way that they never had. She learned to cuddle and rely on him more. It was invaluable for their relationship and my dh really appreciates that time.

[Murphy101]

Yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt.

 

The boy is his child too and he deserves to get this bonding opportunity and a chance to step in to the full time caregiver roll for a bit.

 

I have done it and even when I come back to a mess, it's been worth it. It doesn't matter if it goes perfect. What matters is he gets to spend daddy only time with his kid(s).

 

Worst case scenario, I dontwantthe first time my dh takes care of his kids full time without me to be if I die anytime soon. I've seen that happen to other couples/families. It isn't pretty. :(

[Farrar]

Absolutely I would have. My boys always miss dh or I when we go away and occasionally they get a little cranky when they were younger if we were all apart for more than just a couple of days, but in the end there was never a bit of lasting damage. I didn't leave them for that long at that age, but I don't think it would have been any worse. Go and enjoy yourself. Ten days is a long time in the moment, but it will be a blink of the eye in terms of a 2 yo's whole year. It'll be fine.

[meggie]

My other kids (4 of them) are 5, 8, 10 and 13. The 13yo is a girl and she does babysit -- ds2 loves her a lot and she (and the 10yo) is a huge help. He does have a blanket he's attached to, as well as several special stuffed animals. He does okay with dh alone... asks for me some (pitifully) but is distractible and generally happy... for him. I guess that's part of it; he's just kind of a moody kid anyway (okay, he's a big part of why this has been a hard year -- he's a high-needs toddler!). So even with me, he's not exactly happy-go-lucky. Without me, he vacillates between okay and majorly ticked off. I guess this is why it's hard to think of being away from him... but also why I'm really grateful for the break. :o

 

Don't feel guilty for needing a break. He'll be with his father and two great sisters. Just enjoy it. I like the idea of leaving dollar store gifts. They'd all love that.

 

Even my dad, who was a pretty hands off parent took care of us for a week while my mom was gone. I was shocked, absolutely SHOCKED that he knew how to make macaroni and cheese. :lol: Your DH might not do everything the same way you do, but it's ok. I firmly believe it's important that my DH gets lots of practice taking care of his children. He was always so scared; now I'm pretty confident in his abilities.

[Nakia]

I, personally, wouldn't leave my two year old for 10 days. Actually I wouldn't leave my girls at their current ages for that long. It has nothing to do with my husband's ability to care for them; he would do great. I just couldn't do it unless it was an emergent situation.

 

That said, it sounds like you've already said yes, tickets are bought, plans are worked out, so go! Have fun!!

Edited November 26, 2011 by Nakia

[Forget-Me-Not]

Yes, I would. I left my middle daughter (and my oldest) with DH for 4-5 days when she was 2. He's a very involved, hands-on daddy and I knew I left them in good hands.

 

As for your 2 yo, I would start having your DH get a little more involved in some of the day-to-day stuff now, like bedtime, so he's more used to it when you go. And, keep in mind, it's 3 months between now and then. . . by then DH may be the favorite parent. 2 yo kids can be fickle like that :D (I mean that in the nicest way). My 3 yo currently wants almost nothing to do with me when DH is home!

[SonshineLearner]

Yup, kids at that time just know that "mom is gone but she's bringing back presents" I'd make a few cds of me reading books etc... and make a calendar so they can put stars on each day as you're one day closer to coming back. It'll be fine!! :) I was nursing till my daughter was almost 3 and still left for a few days at a time :) Familiar surroundings... your kids will be just fine!! :)

[silliness7]

While my kids are very much attached to me (my 2 year old won't go to Daddy if I'm in the room), they LOVE other people when I'm not around, and they have no problem being away from me if I'm not there to see. It's just if I'm there that they need to be attached at the hip. :tongue_smilie: Same goes for things like my babies nursing to sleep... While I had to nurse them, if I wasn't around, they'd go to bed just fine without nursing, knowing that Daddy isn't equipped. ;)

 

This is my experience with my kiddos. They are very attached to mommy and whining for me to do a special chore for them instead of dh or a sibling but when I physically leave I hear nothing but glowing reports of how well-behaved and manageable the little tyke was. Seems they like putting on a show for *me*. No me, no show. The only time that didnt' work was with a nursing 7 month old that I left to go to a funeral. That did not go well.

 

But you're not nursing! Go!! Have a great time!!

[scrappyhappymama]

I recently left my two year old for a week. It was a lot harder on me than I expected! But it all worked out fine.

 

We knew about the trip in advance, in fact we'd been planning it for a while- my husband had a conference in a city about four hours from my parents and we thought it would be great to leave the kids with their grandparents and for me to spend the week with my husband. When we first planned it, knowing that my son would be 2 by the time we went, it sounded plenty old enough. In fact, we usually plan at least a weekend getaway just the two of us, in between weaning and the next baby being born, since I don't leave my nurslings. But this was the first time we'd planned a full week away.

 

What I didn't count on was this child being VERY attached to me still, more so than any of my other boys had been. And he was still nursing, which my others all weaned just before their second birthdays, so I hadn't really considered that we might still be nursing at this point. I also trust my mom 100% with my boys, but we live far from them and only see them once or twice a year, so my two year old did not really know her well. All of this made me really apprehensive to leave him. I almost backed out of going or decided just to take him with us as well. But I know my husband was very much looking forward to a get away just the two of us, and to be honest, I was also looking forward to sleeping in and shopping and tooling around the city all on my own while my husband was in conferences. I also felt... a little dramatic being so worried about this, when one of my sisters and one of my sister's-in-law both deal frequently with their husbands being deployed for many long months, and their children are apart from their parent for much longer, and yet still love their daddies very much. I know it's not the same thing, but it did help me to put things in perspective a bit.

 

So we went and my son was absolutely FINE with his grandparents. He had a blast and did not even cry for me at night or act like he missed us at all! We decided *not* to do Skype or anything like that with my two year old, because I thought it would actually be harder on him to see me but not be able to actual come to me, if that makes any sense. I did speak on the phone several times though with my older children. I think I missed him more than he missed me, and I was actually glad for that. Happily, even despite our week absence, he continued nursing once I returned, although he did end up weaning completely about a month later. He was perhaps even more clingy than usual my first few days back, but that didn't bother me a bit. :D

[acurtis75]

When my dd was about 2 1/2 my husband and I went on a 4 day trip. It was a business inventive trip he won and we weren't sure about leaving her. Up to that point she had never spent the night apart from us. My dh struggled with the decision and tried calling to check on her multiple times per day. When we got home my parents picked us up from the airport and we all went out to eat. When we got ready to leave the restaurant dd cried because she wanted to go home with grandpa instead of us. It was a good lesson for us that as long as she's with someone she loves and who loves her she is fine.