If your child struggles with school, pls read...

[shinyhappypeople]

I'm feeling down today. I know that none of this was directed toward me or my kid, so please, please don't be defensive. It's just that when I hear about other home schooled children being years ahead (or at least on level), about the many moms who use standardized tests as part of the evidence that they're doing a good enough / rigorous enough job I just feel kind of crappy.

 

My kid is the one that, if put back into PS today would be 2 years behind, at least in math and writing (her reading/decoding is fine). She bombed her standardized testing, so no evidence of my home school prowess there, either.

 

She's also awesome, creative, bright, curious, funny, social... and "behind." And I feel that somehow I've failed her, even though I have great resources, even though she's worked hard (esp. at math), none of that is enough.

 

So, I guess how I know we're doing enough? I don't know that at all. But, I know we're both trying. I know that I'm totally engaged and spend a ton of time trying to figure out how to help her, esp. with math.

 

I need encouragement, especially from other moms of kids who struggle. This whole comparison thing is so stupid and fruitless, and I need to stop it NOW.

[jewellsmommy]

:grouphug:

 

Your dd may not have blossomed yet. I have noticed in myself and in my dd, that at certain ages some things just click and make better sense than they did the yr before. Just keep consistently plugging along and it will pay off. :001_smile:

[kchara]

:grouphug: My DD is about a year and a half behind in math, and her grammar is 2 years behind at the moment. Not from lack of trying. I'm honestly not sure what her issue is, so I'm going to go with what the PP said, and have decided she's just not blossomed yet. Still, it's frustrating. :grouphug:

[Carrie12345]

Like I said in the other thread - I have a mixed bag of kids. I expect them to do THEIR best. Nothing to do with Joe Shmoe's kids. I'm happy for the Shmoe's, but we are not them.

[Reeciecup]

I don't know how old your dd is, but at 8 my dd would have been considered years behind because she couldn't read. But by 8 1/2 she was reading at grade level. Now at age 11 she's well above grade level in both math and reading. She's tests very highly on standardized tests. Some kids just need more time.

[NorCalMom]

:grouphug:

 

Your dd may not have blossomed yet. I have noticed in myself and in my dd, that at certain ages some things just click and make better sense than they did the yr before. Just keep consistently plugging along and it will pay off. :001_smile:

 

So very true!

 

I'm feeling down today. I know that none of this was directed toward me or my kid, so please, please don't be defensive. It's just that when I hear about other home schooled children being years ahead (or at least on level), about the many moms who use standardized tests as part of the evidence that they're doing a good enough / rigorous enough job I just feel kind of crappy.

 

My kid is the one that, if put back into PS today would be 2 years behind, at least in math and writing (her reading/decoding is fine). She bombed her standardized testing, so no evidence of my home school prowess there, either.

 

She's also awesome, creative, bright, curious, funny, social... and "behind." And I feel that somehow I've failed her, even though I have great resources, even though she's worked hard (esp. at math), none of that is enough.

 

So, I guess how I know we're doing enough? I don't know that at all. But, I know we're both trying. I know that I'm totally engaged and spend a ton of time trying to figure out how to help her, esp. with math.

 

I need encouragement, especially from other moms of kids who struggle. This whole comparison thing is so stupid and fruitless, and I need to stop it NOW.

 

"Failed her"?? No way! :D There is so much more to homeschooling than just academics. Yes, they are important, but she will progress beautifully in her own time under your loving guidance. :grouphug:

[kaylk in tx]

My oldest ds would be 2 years behind ps if I were to put him in. He has mild attentive add (dr pepper works here), language delay, and/or language/auditory processing issues. His spelling is atrocious and he forgets how to do math operations unless we practice them constantly. For multiplying double digit numbers, we have to break the numbers down into expanded form and solve the smaller problems, then add. Writing, forget-about-it. Not happening unless he's forced.

 

Next ds has turned into my social butterfly who now thinks that ps would be a day filled with fun-with-friends. I have to keep bursting his bubble about reality. He has fine motor control issues and his handwriting still looks like a first graders. He's also a perfectionist; one of those children you just have to look at funny to make tears start. Plus he whines..... constantly.

 

The youngest (by 2 minutes to ds#2) is actually the one most academically inclined. Unfortunately he has SEVERE adhd. I was a ps teacher for 13 years and saw many kids with adhd. NONE were as severe as his. He has also been screened for Asperger's, soon to be called high functioning autism. Scored "high probability" that he has that issue as well. Trying to function in a regular classroom would literally be torturing that child and the teacher as well!

 

So here I am. College graduate, National Merit Scholarship winner, scored exactly the same on my SATs (back in the early 80's) as our own SWB, facing the fact that NONE of my children may ever graduate college. Not quite what I had pictured when they were younger but you deal with the hand you're dealt. So we just keep plugging away and readjust goals as needed.

[Mom in High Heels]

Well, due to his struggling with reading (he's dyslexic) Indy would probably be behind if he went to ps, but he knows loads and loads of stuff that ps kids probably don't. It doesn't bother me at all. We'll get where we need to be. Every kid is different. Indy can narrate back what I've read to him almost word for word, can come up with creative sentences for writing, has great penmanship (because I won't accept chicken scratch and it's easier to write neatly the first time than rewrite it) is interested in history (not just social studies), and is great at math. Due to the reading though, he'd be considered behind. Do *I* consider him behind? Absolutely not.

[zookeeper]

Shhh. I've got a 9yo who can't read yet. There I said it. She's learning, but it's been agonizingly slow. I just keep telling myself that we're all different and we all get things at different times. I'm very thankful for homeschooling because otherwise she'd be put in a remedial type class and probably be picked on. As it is, she doesn't even realize she's behind in any way. Just keep going. She'll catch up eventually!

[sbgrace]

I've got one who is behind. It helps that his brother progresses well. I really feel that whatever I can accomplish with my son is more than the school could have managed so far. This child, like your daughter I'm sure, is so much work to teach! I work much harder and longer with him compared to his twin who is much further along.

I know I'm doing the best I can. When I read the threads it does bother me too though. In fact after reading some recent ones I was thinking today (as we plowed through math at a pace that felt like torture to me and I know I'll have to do the same lesson concepts again tomorrow) what would the school think if he had to enroll? Gah. :grouphug:

Edited August 31, 2011 by sbgrace

[nukeswife]

I know just how you feel. I recently felt the same way because although my dd will be 10 in Nov, reading a Magic Tree House book is a month long, painful ordeal. She's not really writing on her own either, math is ok, but LA is disastrous. We finally took her for vision therapy testing and found out she is in need of therapy, it was a great weight off my shoulders but at the same time it's hard not to compare when you read the stories of 3 year olds reading things that would take her a week to read at age 8. It can make you feel like the biggest failure around.

 

After posting something similar to what you did, I realized that it's ok for me to just let go a bit and it will come in time, in HER time.

 

Don't get down on yourself, enjoy your children for who they are, where they are at.

[Thea]

:grouphug: I have a below average high school senior.

 

She is the hardest worker--ever--BUT school does not come easy. She is lucky to test in the bottom 50% on standardized tests. Her reading/vocabulary has improved dramatically and sometimes she scores above average BUT she is fortunate to score in the 20% range for science and math.

 

Her ACT/SAT scores are not stellar, by any means.

 

She has been homeschooled (with the exception of 4th grade) exclusively. EVEN with our 'results' I still feel, very strongly, that homeschooling was the right option for her. She is articulate, confident, easy to talk to and, as I already indicated, a strong, hard worker.

 

It'll be ok. She'll be ok, you'll be ok even if your dd isn't a Nat'l Merit Scholar . Mine sure isn't. :grouphug:

 

eta: Wanted to say-- I struggled mightily with this for years. I was an Honors/AP student. It's been a humbling experience.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Thea

[Mynyel]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

My ds9 is "behind" in math as well. by about 1.5 years by PS standards.

 

You know what though? He isn't behind. He is right were he needs to be for his understanding. If he was in PS he would be failing and, more likely than not, be pushed through and still failing, and struggling.

 

Thank you Lord that our children have moms like us that are willing to do what it takes to get them the education they need. (That is not to belittle the ones who can't/won't homeschool, we are the only ones on both sides that homeschool)

 

Take a day off if need be and love on her, then go back to it.

 

I have noticed with my ds that if he is really struggling with a concept I treat it like I do for myself. Give it a day (or two) then go back. Usually it clicks and he goes right back keeping on.

 

:grouphug: No such thing as behind!

[Scarlett]

I'm feeling down today. I know that none of this was directed toward me or my kid, so please, please don't be defensive. It's just that when I hear about other home schooled children being years ahead (or at least on level), about the many moms who use standardized tests as part of the evidence that they're doing a good enough / rigorous enough job I just feel kind of crappy.

 

My kid is the one that, if put back into PS today would be 2 years behind, at least in math and writing (her reading/decoding is fine). She bombed her standardized testing, so no evidence of my home school prowess there, either.

 

She's also awesome, creative, bright, curious, funny, social... and "behind." And I feel that somehow I've failed her, even though I have great resources, even though she's worked hard (esp. at math), none of that is enough.

 

So, I guess how I know we're doing enough? I don't know that at all. But, I know we're both trying. I know that I'm totally engaged and spend a ton of time trying to figure out how to help her, esp. with math.

 

I need encouragement, especially from other moms of kids who struggle. This whole comparison thing is so stupid and fruitless, and I need to stop it NOW.

 

I think as homeschoolers we start to compare when the general public begins to say dumb things like 'all homeschoolers are 2 years behind.' I can see my mom ( a public school teacher giving a blank stare and saying 'behind what?' But I digress).

 

What you are describing in your dd is a perfect reason to be homeschooling and you should be very very proud of yourself for taking on the task. Why should a 'awesome, creative, bright, curious, funny, social' child have to feel less than because she has different strengths at this stage of her life.

 

It is why many of us homeschool I think. We homeschool so that we can educate our children. I have no desire to watch my ds try to fit the mold of public education.

 

I was at my friend's house yesterday when her SIX year old dd showed her mom her day's paper from first grade. There was a note in there that said, 'your child scored poorly on an assignment or test. Please go over this info with your child. It is important to remind child to do her best every day...'....blah blah blah. The child had drawn a picture and failed to write the word that described the picture. She is SIX!

 

Anyway, if your dd was in school she might be 4 years behind!

 

:grouphug:

[Stacy in NJ]

That every kid is a Lake Woebegone kid - where all the kids are above average. That's just not reality.

 

By this I'm not implying that your dd is less than average; I am saying that not every individual is cut out for rigorous academics. As I posted in the other thread, only about 30% of Americans hold undergraduate or post graduate degrees. The percentage rises to 38% if we include 2 year technical degrees.

 

And, by this I'm not suggesting we don't do our very best to give our kids the very best education we can. But, we maybe missing a prime opportunity to treat our kids as individuals by shaping their education to their specific needs and interests.

 

I think many kids in public schools are poorly served by the conventional scope and sequence taught. How many kids are completely turned-off to learning? How many of them would be better served pursuing a more individualized course of study?

 

Sometimes the conventional, whether that's public education conventional or WTM conventional, is just a poor fit.

 

Love your dd for who she is and blow raspberries to those that say she needs to be more. She is shaped in Gods image and is perfect.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Stacy in NJ

[SW in IL]

DS has been homeschooled since Kindergarten except for 3 months when he went to public school for 8th grade. At first, he was one of those kids you brag about. He would pull out the books and beg me to read more history or literature. He'd pull out the math books and manipulatives and ask to do extra lessons. I actually thought that not only could I do this, but that it would be fun and easy.

 

Due to life circumstances (separation/divorce, unemployment, several moves, disability/illness/death), he began to refuse to do school work when he was about 10. I pushed, I promised, I prodded. Nothing worked. So, we put DS in public school (age 14, 8th grade) where he learned that he didn't have to do anything. Seriously. Literally. He missed (or was sent home) close to 1/3 of the school days. He was never tested. He was put in remedial reading (when he was already reading/comprehending on a high school/college level) but regular math (when he was several grade levels behind). He learned that if he said he didn't understand something, the teachers wouldn't make him do it. And then they graduated him (figuring he'd be the high school's problem).

 

DS is now 16 (17 in less than a month) and several years behind in school. He has no motivation to do anything and my mom (with whom we live) lets him get away with sitting around the house all day -- playing on the computer and watching tv.

 

BUT... DS has decided that he wants to go for his GED. He's working through a Pre-GED book that I bought him and will start GED classes next month. I've talked to the high school/college that offers the classes and found out that they have several students like DS in their classes.... those who are smart but unmotivated. Some, like DS, were homeschooled; others dropped out of public or private schools. And about half of the people taking the GED classes are young (under 20).

 

I still feel like a failure as far as homeschooling goes but I'm also beginning to accept DS for who he is. His path is not the one I envisioned for him, nor is it the one I would have chosen for him (or pushed him down). But maybe, just maybe, it's the right one for him.

 

Right now, we're both coming up upon junctions in our lives. I have to trust in God to lead us down the paths he has laid out for us.

 

Sue

[Elizabeth in WA]

scored exactly the same on my SATs (back in the early 80's) as our own SWB

 

Now I am curious... what did our own SWB score on her SAT? :leaving:

[DawnM]

My 13 year old struggles and it is painful to watch. I pray we soon get some testing and answers.

 

My other 2 are probably on grade level, but I worry anyway.

 

We aren't uber academic over here. We do Sonlight and never quite get it all done.

 

Dawn

[amyable]

I can't tell you how to hop off the comparison train, but I can at least commiserate. I have spent the entire afternoon alternately crying in my bathroom and trying to teach - all because my 13yo is dyslexic/LD/ADD and can't remember a thing I taught her about the last 3 years of math (no, we haven't taken a break, but if I teach one subject, say multiplying fractions, she forgets everything else, even if we have covered it multiples of times). Well, I take that back, it's not ALL because of my dd, we have a ton of other bad things going on, but this is what is making me cry *right now* LOL.

 

She wants to go to college, but I don't even know how to help her get there. Do we plow through w/o much retention? Do I give her Ds on her transcript? Or do we do 4 years of algebra I?? :banghead: Don't even ask about spelling. :lol:

 

So no advice, but many :grouphug:

[Random]

:grouphug:

 

Have you read Outliers by Malcom Gladwell? What a fascinating book! I was encouraged to read his analysis showing that people who do well in school and on standardized testing are not necessarily the brightest ones out there, and they're not always the ones who will be able to think creatively and solve the world's problems. Doing well in school and being intelligent are not mutually exclusive, but neither are they synonymous.

 

It's my personal conviction that, as long as you are NOT lazy, you are your kid's best teacher. Parents (and many ps teachers) seem to intuitively know how hard to push and understand what their students are capable of.

 

I've had to adjust my expectations for my own children. I have one out of four who seems to be a great learner and who will probably do very well academically. I honestly thought it would be all of them. If the three who are struggling were in ps, they'd likely be labeled, drugged, teased and made to feel stupid. At home, we just 'do the next thing.' I work to recognize their individual giftings and build upon those, while not neglecting the basics. Its the best I can do. I have no doubt, whatsoever, that all four of my kids will be reasonably intelligent and contribute to society as adults. However, not all four would make good grades in public school.

[foxbridgeacademy]

DS 10/5th grade excels at math but only reads at a 3rd level. It's okay, he has reading issues, he will catch up. My thought is that as long as he's improving I really can't ask for more. If he never reaches grade level... we can adapt. The same goes for your DD, she will learn all she needs to, it just might take her longer. I would focus on making sure she has learned all of her basic skills really well. I would actually try to go slow, she may just not be ready for the more advanced skills until later.

[scrapbookbuzz]

ALL. I repeat ALL teachers (homeschool or not) wonder if they're doing ENOUGH. I think it's especially difficult on us homeschool moms. If you are doing everything you know how to do, and getting help wherever you can find it/need it, you are doing ENOUGH. You're right - comparison does.not.help.

 

My dd did not read well until she was about 10 and really sped up after we discovered she needed glasses!

She's still a bit behind on lanuage arts (specifically essay writing) but that's a two-fold problem: I'm not strong in teaching that, although I can DO it, and, due to some special needs of hers, that keeps her behind. EVERY KID is different. Every.single.one. As for "standardized tests", did you know that our standardized tests here in AZ are ONLY for AZ? No other states look at our test results to determine ability of our children. Plus, many kids are terrible test takers but otherwise very bright, smart children.

 

What you need today are lots of :grouphug: and chocolate! Where's the chocolate smilie?? :D

[Soror]

I don't know if we would meet PS standards here, I suspect we'd behind in some and ahead in others. I do know our progress has been huge and we both work our tails off- I push him as much as I can and he is certainly challenged. How good your kid does isn't necessarily a reflection on the mom at all. Not everyone is cut out to be a genius and as pp said I don't think that excelling at school necessarily is the best marker of intelligence, although we do strive to be rigorous, within his abilities.

[I.Dup.]

That thread made me a bit paranoid as well. I wonder if I should think more about the PS system in teaching and preparing my kids.

 

My oldest is so social that she wouldn't do well with school work at all if she were in school. Her social life would completely take over. We put her in ps for 6 weeks in 1st grade and she kept getting up out of her desk, talking without raising her hand, etc. I was embarrassed but I hadn't thought to teach her those things. I wonder how they would do now considering they aren't necessarily required to sit still without talking, raise their hands, etc.

 

She is a brilliant reader and has been for several years (she is 9). She is super quick and bright. We are 1 year behind in math (on purpose) because she was not getting the concepts so I moved her back a year. However she scored many grades ahead (middle school to high school level) in reading and comprehension on her standardized test this year.

 

I still do not think she would do well in public school. I'm afraid I would be really embarrassed if any of my children were put in public school, more because of the standing in line, stay at your desk, raise your hand, do your homework on your own and turn it in, that kind of thing. :(

[ondreeuh]

(Hugs). My son also struggles. I actually pulled him out of PS because he was falling way behind, so it's a little comforting knowing that he would struggle regardless, and it's not because of anything I'm doing. By homeschooling, I have gotten him almost caught up in his weakest areas which I'm very proud of!

 

I am sure it's the same for your daughter - if she had been public schooled, her difficulties would still be there, but there's no way she would have a personal advocate who would customize her curricula like you have done. You're doing a great job. Our kids who struggle work VERY hard and deserve a lot of credit for what they accomplish.

 

The criticism of families with kids who are behind is just directed towards families who aren't tuned in or aren't trying. That doesn't apply to you. I think every child should be "pushed" a bit so that they are challenged. That just means different things for different kids.

 

My son is going back to PS this year (in a very unique arrangement) and we have reclassified him as a fourth grader. He has a summer birthday and we just felt he could benefit from another year. It will also decrease the pressure somewhat when he takes benchmark tests. I will still be choosing his curricula and working with him to make sure he progresses, but this way he won't be so far behind.

[angela in ohio]

It's two different concepts.

 

There is a difference between saying that every homeschooler is behind two years, and saying that homeschoolers can't have some kids behind and some ahead. Statistically speaking, some have to be "ahead" and some "behind" the average.

 

:grouphug: That thread isn't really about your dd. It's about people making generalization about ALL homeschoolers.

 

ETA: And if it makes you feel any better (probably not,) no matter where your dd is, you will be worried that yo aren't doing enough and you will see kiddos achieving more.

Edited August 30, 2011 by angela in ohio

[swellmomma]

I feel the same way when I read those kinds of threads. I still read them because while my kids are "behind" and struggling eventually I still hope to glean something good from them, even if usually I walk away feeling like a failure. While I know the kids are progressing and doing well over all, I still worry. We do not do standardaized testing each year. I know from the testing they did to help diagnosis their LD where they were at that time. My older kids are behind in math and composition. We work on them, and they are progressing but are several grades behind in those 2 subjects. Everything else they are at least at grade level. DS8 still can't read or write. It is not due to laziness on his part or mine, he has been diagnosed with a moderate language delay and goes to speech therapy to help it. But then I read threads of 4-5 yr olds reading fluently on their own, or writing stories etc. Like the threads about being rigorous, or about testing/accountability the reading threads bum me out.

 

I did look at enrolling ds into school this year for junior high thinking he would get more help. Nope, no help despite the Dx due to lack of funding, and one school even wanted to place him in grade 4 even though he is turning 13 because that is where his math and writing skills are. It didn't matter that he was at grade level in other subjects, or that he would not fit in etc. What he really needed was for teh school to hire and aide and do an IPP letting him continue to work at his pace.

 

If my kids ever had to go back into ps they would be toast. They would not get proper help and would fail. The problem is that is exactly why I started hsing. DS was going into grade 3, could barely do early gr 1 work, had a mood disorder etc. He was falling through the cracks back then, since then we have steadly progressed each year but he has maintained that 2 yrs behind gap. I think over all having them homeschool is the best thing for them even if they are behind, and not doing a day as rigorous as many here. Mentally they are doing better(oldest ds was suicidal when I pulled him out of ps at age 7, now he is not), socially they are doing better (no more bullies for ds to deal with daily, no more of dd being able to manipulate the other kids and teacher). While I can picture dd in college one day, I do not see ds ever going that route. I am aiming at having him do apprenticeship through high school and just getting the basics into as far at math and writing go. DS8 who knows, he is brilliant but has struggle ahead of him with his language issues. At this point their Dx stands at:

 

DS13 severe ADHD, auditory processing issues, mood disorder, conduct disorder

DD12 ADHD, conduct disorder

DS8 ADHD, moderate language delay, bowel disorder

 

So far dd3 seems perfectly "normal". While I would love to be able to post that we do testing every year, and they are scoring years ahead of their peers and that we have the most rigorous days around, I have to face the reality of my own situation and accept it for what it is. My goals are different for my kids than they would have been if they did not have any sorts of issues.

[mytwomonkeys]

my daughter is almost 10 and would be in 4th grade if in public school. she would be totally fine and at grade level. my son is 7 and would be in second grade. he would definitely be behind in writing (composition)...probably a little bit behind in math too. he may even be a little behind in reading, i'm really not sure.

 

i don't worry about it anymore though. we do school 5 days a week and really spend time together learning and growing, and i know he is progressing beautifully. i'm confident he'll level out over the next few years with his PS peers, just as my daughter has. it's great that some homeschooled kids are leaps and bounds ahead (mine just aren't part of that equation). i tend to use gentler curriculum in the beginning though, and i do not have standards equal to the public school system - in fact, i avoid those standards.

 

i am confident that my children are where they should be, and as we continue to plug along, they will not only catch-up, but most likely surpass their PS peers.

[Mommyof4ks]

I have one who is way ahead, one who is more than a year behind, and one that is on track with PS kids. All kids are different, and as long as she is doing her best that is all that can be asked of her. Having a mixed bag of kids I know it is not me, but if she is your only one I can see where it might be deflating. All we can do is teach them; we can't always make them 'get it'. :grouphug:

[kristinannie]

I really don't have time to read everyone's responses, but I have a couple of quick thoughts. First of all, I will send some prayers your way. Through God's grace, we can do all. Secondly, I am not trying to disparage anyone else, but I do think that people seriously overestimate their kids' abilities. Of course, my kid is truly a genius... :tongue_smilie: This isn't just with homeschooling moms. I have seen moms fighting with the karate teacher over their kids being ready to go up to the next belt. We all think our kids are awesome and there isn't anything wrong with that, but I don't think it is truly honest either. Thirdly, it is VERY common for kids to test "behind." 50% of kids are in the bottom half. Honestly, as long as she is putting forth consistent effort, it will eventually pay off. Some kids just blossom at different times. I know in our public school system (which is actually touted as being well above average), less than 40% of kids are considered proficient in math at their grade level. I think that standardized tests are not the end all be all as far as showing what your child knows.

 

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are doing a great job and your DC will be just fine!

[Denise in Florida]

(((hugs))) I know others here have already said it, every kid has their own pace and strengths.

 

My dd17 would not read until midway through 3rd grade. She just wasn't ready, nor was she interested or worried about it. :tongue_smilie: She did a lot of singing and playing and creating. She also would not leave my side in public or speak to anyone she did not know well. There were lots of time I doubted myself and my choice to continue homeschooling her. My mom was a great source of comfort.

 

DD eventually decided to read and rapidly moved up to speed. She has also turned out to be my social butterfly.

 

I am glad I allowed her the time to grow.

 

I hope you and your dd will find the right path for you.

[Sue G in PA]

Well, I have an almost 9yo who is still struggling with the very basics of reading, a 10yo who couldn't write a paragraph if his life depended on it and a 13yo who desperately wants to go to ps next year but would probably not even place into PRE Algebra let alone Alg. 1. So, that being said, I totally get the frustration and the sadness at times. I also have 4 other children who are right on target or ahead. My 6yo would very likely be bored to tears in a normal first grade classroom b/c she is very advance. But the thing is I haven't schooled any of these children any differently than the others. KWIM? They've all received the same attention and education. But God has also created each of them with unique gifts and talents. I used to think that I had failed my strugglers (and I'm sure that I have on some level) but now I just rest in the assurance that I and they are doing the best we can.

[Renee in NC]

My 2 boys were about 2 years behind (or more!) when they went to school. They were still just as behind when they came out of school. It wasn't me, it's their LDs.;)

[Paz]

I could have written this post 10 years ago. My dd is now 19 and at our local community college preparing to go away to school next semester. She is dyslexic and dysgraphic and would not have survived in public school at all. She would have been "behind" and as of 1 1/2 years ago could not write a paragraph to save her life. We just kept plugging along, little by little. I don't feel like we ever did "enough." But she did focus on her strengths, she learned photography, wrote her own children's novels, started a home business, learned to golf, created her own course in fantasy literature...She developed a good sense of self esteem and a great work ethic. She learned to communicate and can discuss anything with anyone. She will probably end up in sales or managing her own business some day because she has exception skills in leadership and communication and everyone tells her this. In my humble opinion, you are doing for you child more than any public school system could. Keep plugging along step by step. You will see the results in the longrun.

[Upward Journey]

:grouphug: I understand. I have one too.

 

I also have two that are at grade level, another that just started public highschool in honors & AP classes, and one that graduated from homeschool w/ almost 2 years of CC under his belt. Every child learns at a different pace. That's just the way it is.

 

My slower child keeps me up at night worrying. I wonder sometimes what I could have done differently, if I'm just a really bad teacher, but the stats. don't back that up because my others did/do fine. She just struggles. It took her almost 5 years to learn to read fluently. Her older sister read at 3. Her younger brother (by 2 years) passed her in math last year. I now have them in different math programs so that we don't have the comparison thing going on. She struggles in grammar. All things academic are just hard for her. But....she's my most creative child. She's my most dedicated child when it comes to doing her work. She's compassionate and loved by many people. When I look at her through those eyes, she doesn't seem "behind" at all :)

Edited August 31, 2011 by Upward Journey

[Daisy]

My daughter does very well with academics but struggles a bit with math. My son is very bright but struggles with spelling and writing.

 

They'd both be behind and advanced in certain areas if put into public school.

 

Though I sometimes get down on myself about it, the simple fact is that I'm putting in a whole lot more time, sweat, tears, and plain hard work into schooling my children then a public school teacher would be able to.

 

My kids are where they are. If I was being a slacker homeschool mom, I'd need someone to give me a swift kick in the rear, but I'm not so we'll keep moving ahead one step at a time.

[chiguirre]

I need encouragement, especially from other moms of kids who struggle. This whole comparison thing is so stupid and fruitless, and I need to stop it NOW.

 

If you can possibly manage it, have her evaluated for LDs. Seriously. You won't beat yourself up quite as much and you may find help helping her. As much as I worry about ds2, I KNOW that I'm doing better than the ps does with kids with his profile. That makes the rough days easier.

[wapiti]

If you can possibly manage it, have her evaluated for LDs. Seriously. You won't beat yourself up quite as much and you may find help helping her.

:iagree: When a child is significantly behind despite your best efforts, it makes sense to rule out LDs if you have not already done so.

[littleWMN]

I'm feeling down today. I know that none of this was directed toward me or my kid, so please, please don't be defensive. It's just that when I hear about other home schooled children being years ahead (or at least on level), about the many moms who use standardized tests as part of the evidence that they're doing a good enough / rigorous enough job I just feel kind of crappy.

 

My kid is the one that, if put back into PS today would be 2 years behind, at least in math and writing (her reading/decoding is fine). She bombed her standardized testing, so no evidence of my home school prowess there, either.

 

She's also awesome, creative, bright, curious, funny, social... and "behind." And I feel that somehow I've failed her, even though I have great resources, even though she's worked hard (esp. at math), none of that is enough.

 

So, I guess how I know we're doing enough? I don't know that at all. But, I know we're both trying. I know that I'm totally engaged and spend a ton of time trying to figure out how to help her, esp. with math.

 

I need encouragement, especially from other moms of kids who struggle. This whole comparison thing is so stupid and fruitless, and I need to stop it NOW.

 

This is us almost exactly.

 

:iagree: :grouphug:

[Old Dominion Heather]

You are doing a good job. You know what her weaknesses are and you are addressing them. That is exactly the same thing that the best certified teacher in the world would do.

 

It makes complete sense to have her evaluated for any learning issues if you haven't already. I'm having my little one evaluated this week. He is a bright kid, but very different from his brothers and if there is anything going on there, I want to know it!

[Peela]

My ds was pulled out of school when he was 7 and couldnt read or write yet wheras most of the other kids in his class could. So, he was "behind" from the start of our homeschooling journey.

 

I worked so hard with him. Eventually he was diagnosed dyslexic but I always knew he had some sort of learning difficulties, and the diagnosis didnt change how we schooled. We focused so much on English and writing. But his maths was always, always behind.

 

I feel we worked hard but I didn't push as hard as many do here- there was sooo much resistance and he needed a lot of time to jsut do his thing.

 

He asked to go to school this year- has just spent 6 months in highschool so it gave us a good idea of how ...he would do in highschool. Which is hardly a good gauge of the many benefits of homeschooling, or a person's character, or their passion for learning, or their independence, or anything much but how they can survive the school system. He did ok, but he was behind in maths and science but good with English and history.

 

My feeling is...and dh's feeling...that he would have been far worse off, and probably fairly delinquent by now, if he had continued in school and never been homeschooled. He had given up by age 7. Now he is excited by his life and wants to homeschool again so that he can get on with all the things he is excited about. He will get into university if he wants- but only if that is what excites him. I cant make him- he is not a kid I can force, especially now- but 7.5 years of homeschooling have turned him into a self determined, passionate young man with a very free, unique spirit. He's not a cookie cutter kid burned out by the system- as he found out the other kids in school were.

 

School is not everything. Academics are not everything. Some kids are never going to be up there and it's not the only value that should be given to homeschooling- academic achievement. I am working for an environmental scientist who did very very average at school and even the first years of university, but he has a PhD now and is a top scientist and absolutely brilliant because he really has a good mind- that didnt handle academia well.

 

There is something so against being "average" at anything, in our culture, and it is not healthy. We cant all be brilliant academically. Or socially. Or at relationships, or parenting, or whatever. But we do all have our gifts and we can give our kids the incredible gift of helping them become who they are, rather than who we think they should be. Comparison is not often a good thing especially when we take the achievements, or lack of, of our kids, as personal. I know I have done the right thing for my son and after years and years of Latin we never got past about 2nd year and he has probably forgotten it all. But it wasn't a waste, and nor was homeschooling just because he failed maths! I have a dd too- she has done well at everything- so I knew it wasnt me- that helped. You may not have that benefit of another kid who does well academically so you might be taking it all too personally.

 

Enjoy the days- enjoy the process- enjoy your daughter. THis is the atmosphere she is growing up in and it will feed her for the rest of her life if it is a basically happy and accepting one. If you are stressed that she is not doing well, or you are not doing well enough when you really are doing the best you can, that is the atmosphere she grows up in.

[SailorMom]

See my siggie-

DS is dyslexic, has dysgraphia and dyscalculia, etc.

Anyway - he does great at home with me, but honestly - he would never be able to manage PS. Standardized testing??? We've never even tried.

:)

[kalanamak]

I think your child is 8. I was behind at 8. I was spotty with real weaknesses at 10-14. I left school at 16. I did a non-competitive college in my 20s, and was too afraid to take the SAT. I couldn't face the score. Well, round about 24 I "bloomed". I had a brother do the same.

 

Chin up. Some of us mature later.

[laundrycrisis]

I am also in this situation with our oldest son. Every day I am doing the best I can to do what works for him and will bring him to his level of challenge and help him advance. I try not to ever take much time off because of how much progress is lost so quickly. He has a private weekly tutor who gives him some variety, and we have also spent a lot of time and money on vision therapy and we aren't done with that yet. I am thankful we do not have to test in our state, because he would not look good on paper. But I know I am doing much more for him than our PS would.

 

I avoid the threads that discuss what kids of a certain age/grade are doing. I avoid conversations with other homeschoolers that focus on levels and achievement. I avoid conversations with those who tend to talk a lot about how quickly their child is advancing. I avoid conversations about programs and materials with HS friends who really don't understand how he struggles and how much hard work it is for him and for me. I have to be very careful about reading books on homeschooling that suggest activities by grade level. Those books get to me mentally in a bad way. I need to stay away from them and focus on my kid.

 

I have not pursued having his LDs formally diagnosed because instead, we are spending the time and money on things that help the problems I already know he has. It might be validating for me to have them officially recognized, but I'm not sure it would actually help him or help me help him.

 

Anyway, I get :grouphug: that it's hard to read some things or have certain types of conversations. It can feel very lonely and pretty desperate. Just know that you aren't alone, and every day that you are focused on meeting your child where she is today, and helping her reach for her own best, you are doing something heroic.

[melmichigan]

Last week the neuropsychologist was addressing some of my concerns with my DD's, the comment that really stuck with me "imagine where they would be if they had been in PS", she was impressed with how well my twins are doing when looking at the big picture. Some days I think I need to frame that statement, it really puts things in perspective for me. I am meeting their needs wherever that is. All of my DC have different learning needs and different strengths and weaknesses so we just keep doing our best and moving forward with each of them.

[rafiki]

.

[bairnmama]

I'm with you on much of what you wrote. I stopped putting our curriculum in my sig because it was just depressing. She would be 3 or more yrs "behind" in math and LA if enrolled in ps. She has dyspraxia, dyslexia, probably dyscalculia, ADHD, and who knows what else... diagnosed as Cognitive Disorder, NOS. We do the best we can and make a little progress every year, just not as much as I would like. We have to test every year and it just looks awful on paper. I gave her the test for a grade behind where she would be by age and she was still only in the 4th percentile for math computation.

 

However, she LOVES history, is very artistic and compassionate, and gets along well with people of all ages. We listen to a lot of books on CD and do as much as we can.

[mo2]

Thank you for this thread. :grouphug:

[4everHis]

:grouphug:

 

Your dd may not have blossomed yet. I have noticed in myself and in my dd, that at certain ages some things just click and make better sense than they did the yr before. Just keep consistently plugging along and it will pay off. :001_smile:

 

I TOTALLY :iagree: I don't 'do' :grouphug: but I think you need one! :grouphug:

[shinyhappypeople]

Thank you SO much for the words of encouragement. As I watched her jump rope and blaze through math facts this morning, I realized that really IS better off at home.

 

I had a light bulb moment: if she's not moving, she's not learning - unless it's listening to a read-aloud (and even then, she likes to draw/color while I read). I highly doubt a PS teacher would be allowed to let her jump, run or twirl during math time.

 

I have no idea if she has a real learning disability or not. I think she has vision problems (near and far), so as soon as we get our vision insurance figured out, I'm going to take her in to have her vision tested. I'm hoping glasses will be the solution to her difficulty with reading (she can decode, but reading passages is torture for her).

 

She does much, much better when there is color on pages. So, if a math page is written/illustrated in lots of colors it'll stick better than if the same information is plain b&w. I've thought of taking different colored highlighters and brightening up the b&w pages.

 

The other thing I run into in math is that she seems like she's getting it and she even thinks that she's getting it, so she grabs the pencil or marker to make up her own problems to show me what she's learned... and it's totally NOT what I was getting at. But, she doesn't understand that she doesn't understand. I used to correct her as she worked, and have her fix things. But, today she did a worksheet on fractions and I didn't correct her mistakes. I praised her effort and attitude and will re-teach the material another way in a day or two until she DOES get it.

 

So, having said all that, I still feel like I'm over-reacting to have her evaluated for a learning disability. Despite everything, she's really, really smart. It's hard to explain.