Am I truly the only HSing parent who struggles with being with the kids all day?

[melissel]

If I am, well, I guess that was my confession for the day! :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm an introvert, and I'd be happy to be alone 12 hours a day (and I'd spend most of that in sweet, sweet silence!). Instead, I wake to DH, the kids wake up shortly after, I spend all day with the kids and usually other people trying to give them social opportunities, cook for them, and get them ready for bed just in time for my DH to come home and stay up until 1:00 a.m. Having them with me all day every day is very difficult, and I consider it a personal sacrifice that I'm willing to make for them until they're off to college or I burn out entirely, whichever comes first (hopefully not the latter, but some days I wonder :lol:).

 

I see comments about how appalled we are that people express a desire to not be with their kids all day or that they say they can't wait until the kids go back to school for the year. Am I the only person who can identify with that? I can't believe I am, but I see it often enough that I can't help but wonder. I often feel like a weirdo here, and this is just another one of those issues that makes me think I really am unusual.

[EKS]

No, you are not.

[meggie]

I have my good days and bad (the bad ones where I wish I could leave for a day or twelve). I think I would have a lot more bad days if my DH wasn't around to help watch them. As a matter of fact, I did have a lot more bad days when he was gone all day. :grouphug: I understand

[SKL]

I understand the feeling. I like a little time alone. My kids are in daycare, as I am a full-time WAHM. I do not think I'd want to have them home all the time. I love them dearly, but we'd get on each other's nerves.

 

(I should probably mention that I am a single [adoptive] mom, so they have no dad to relieve me. It's daycare or nobody.)

 

When I was a kid, I preferred the days when my mom worked and was NOT home when I got home from school. I never could understand the idea that kids would want their mom to be home and give them milk and cookies (and interrogate them about their homework).

 

What can I say, I've always liked my freedom.

Edited August 22, 2011 by SKL

[Jennifer in MI]

Um. No. You are not alone!!!

 

ETA: Now that they are older, it is a little easier. My older three really do understand when I need alone time, and they honor that. My dd(5) is the biggest extrovert I have EVER met. She does not understand and she absolutely exhausts me. As your kids get older, it'll get easier!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I'm fortunate to have my sister living with us. She watches them A LOT! I can run to the store by myself. I can take a walk by myself, etc. It helps. Otherwise, I'd be struggling way more with it.

[TKDmom]

Goodness no.

 

My dh has a lot of new commitments that require him to be gone several evenings a week. All this together time with my kids makes me wonder why I signed on to this homeschooling thing...

[wapiti]

That's why I escape into the computer from time to time.

[melissel]

When I was a kid, I preferred the days when my mom worked and was NOT home when I got home from school. I never could understand the idea that kids would want their mom to be home and give them milk and cookies (and interrogate them about their homework).

 

What can I say, I've always liked my freedom.

 

:lol: I always felt the same way! I loved coming home to an empty house for a few hours.

 

Thanks everyone. I mean, I'm not in nervous breakdown mode or anything. I just really wonder sometimes. I saw the "I can't understand...!" sentiment expressed in another thread recently, and no one ever refutes those posts--it's usually a pile-on of support and being appalled. And that's OK! But it does make one feel alone and freakish :tongue_smilie:

[MamaJo]

I am way far out on the extroverted scale and I feel that way some days so I can not imagine you are alone.

[MariannNOVA]

:seeya:

 

You are not alone.

 

Last week, I was here alone (dh was on travel) with our three (dd12 and b/g twins 10) and my two grand-daughters -- 7 and 5.

 

Those were v.e.r.y. l.o.n.g. d.a.y.s.:glare:

[Mommy22alyns]

I love being with my girls, but I also need time away. I probably couldn't survive if DH didn't take them out often.

[melissel]

As your kids get older, it'll get easier!

 

Jennifer, I'm hanging onto this for dear life! DD8 is old enough and mature enough to understand and keep herself busy. DD5 is neither, and she's a very high-maintenance personality to boot. Makes for looooong days (as I bet you already know :001_smile:).

[BigMamaBird]

I know exactly what you mean. I love to be alone and I really look forward my dh coming home so I can have some time to myself. I've got a great dh who is willing to take the kids on a walk or whatever after dinner so have some private time.

[melissel]

I've got a great dh who is willing to take the kids on a walk or whatever after dinner so have some private time.

 

Yes, not having that is hard. DH works until around 8 p.m. every night, and he's in a high-volume sales job. By the time he gets home, his ears are full too :lol: And the kids are on their way to bedtime routines, he still needs to eat, etc. By the time they're in bed, he's ready to start talking again...to me, of course :lol: His two days off, he's either still working, doing yard stuff, car stuff, house stuff, errands, personal care stuff (doc, dentist, hair, etc.) *sigh*

[NatashainDFW]

I know exactly how you feel except I also deal with an agoraphobic husband so the only way I get peace and quiet is if I leave. My house is never empty or quiet.

[sparrow]

You are definitely not alone.

 

I work on weekends from 9-5. Believe it, or not, that is my "me" time. It's not a demanding job. I get to read as much as I want, as well as chat here. If you look at most of my posts here, they are on the weekend :001_smile:. I look sooo forward to my weekend job when I've simply had enough of the kid chat marathon that goes on at my house during the week!

[cathmom]

I would like more breaks than I get.

[WTMCassandra]

No, I struggle too. Sometimes I lock myself in the RV for the weekend with scads of books. It's a break even if I don't leave the driveway! But it's hard to find enough time to do that.

 

I am an introvert. Any time alone is a good time. The ultimate is being AT HOME alone. That almost NEVER happens.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I don't think you are.

 

Honestly, though I would homeschool at least the one if I could, I'm really quite glad the one kiddo starts school tomorrow and two more start school on the 31st. I feel pretty guilty about it though. I never thought I'd feel like this and I'm not pleased about it.

[LauraGB]

I love my children very much. More than chocolate, even. But, no. You are so not alone.

 

I struggle with it because sometimes, when we spend so much time together, all those personalities are going every which way, and...grrr. But, when they are gone, I miss them. I'm a glutton for punishment, I think :tongue_smilie:.

[melissel]

The ultimate is being AT HOME alone. That almost NEVER happens.

 

Thank you!!! DH does not get this! His response is always something like, "Well, they're in bed now. Go ahead and go out!" That is so not relaxing to me--it's just more time that my brain needs to be "on." More stimulation = less relaxed. Silly extrovert :D

[KungFuPanda]

Heck, I'm an extrovert and I need a break when my ears are full. I feed my kids their lunch, then send them to play while I eat mine in solitude. I stole that idea from a wise old homeschooling mama :001_smile: Also, I get out of the house for a class two nights a week. It's not silence, but it's exercise, creative outlet, and interaction with female friends that can have a conversation that doesn't involve curriculum. I LIKE that.

 

My kids are 11 and 14. It's MUCH easier to get looooong stretches of silence now than ever before.

[OrdinaryTime]

I completely understand, too. I love my kids dearly, but being home all the time with them - with no break in sight - is the most difficult part of homeschooling for me. I do think, or at least hope, that it does get easier when they get older as some of the posters said. As they get older, their physical needs seem to lessen, and there may at least be the semblance of personal space. At the very least, I hope to be able to go to the bathroom alone in a few years!

[Garga]

It's better for me now that they're older. They're content to play together for long stretches of time.

 

When they were both younger, like under 7 yo, I NEEDED time away. I did love being with them and teaching them, but I also needed just a bit of time away.

 

I don't understand wanting to send them to school for 8 hours a day, but I do understand wanting free time, especially regular, guaranteed free time. When I would find myself getting more and more crabby, I signed up for college courses. By doing that I was guaranteed one night a week to be away from the kids. It was nice to have the adult interaction. Even if some of the "adults" in my class were 17 yos who still lived at home with their mommies. At least they didn't start randomly hitting each other or spilling their milk on the dining room carpet. And if they did, at least I wasn't responsible for making them stop hitting or cleaning up the milk! ;)

[skirch]

I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one. I was a childless Navy wife for nearly 20 years. I spent looooong stretches of time alone. I liked it. Then, within a 2 year span we had a baby and dh retired. Suddenly my house was full of people who wouldn't go away. :tongue_smilie:

 

Dh is good about taking dd on outings so I can get some alone time. I appreciate it, but it's not the same as before. 7 years later, I'm still adjusting. And I'm only half joking. ;)

[Mom22ns]

DH, Ds and I are all introverts. We all need time alone. That makes it pretty easy in my house EXCEPT that dd is a total extrovert and needs people constantly! She spends 16 precious hours/week at gymnastics or the rest of us might go crazy. When she was little, I did Tae Kwon Do 3 hours one night/week. It was a great relief to have no one need me and to not have to talk.

 

I think as an introvert you have to find your alone time or at least your time. For me it isn't at all about not wanting to be with the kids. I love every moment I spend with them, but I also need time to recharge. Find it, schedule it, whenever, however you need to. Even if it just an early bedtime for them so that you have a couple of hours of peace in the evening.

[kathy_overman]

I love this thread! I am an introvert, and crave my time alone in the house amidst silence.

This will be our 1st year HSing, and my biggest worry is how will I balance my need for time alone, AND never really being alone?

Okay, I can normally get a few hours on the weekends if my husband creates an adventure for the kids, but that time is spent paying bills, organizing, laundry, cleaning - not exactly the quiet time of which I dream.

I had to laugh when the kids recently complained about a trip to Costco. So I asked them, if we HS, and are together 24X7, when I am supposed to do all the jobs they complain about?

They suggested I go out at night or spend the weekends running around town - so .. (and I quote), 'you can get work done, and have a break from us'.

My question is ... how do you got the doctor/dentist? Do I have to drag all 3 kids along every time? We don't have family close by, so I am considering finding a baby-sitter, but that has never been our thing.

Enough lamenting..:001_huh:

[Mama Anna]

You are not alone. In theory, I love being with my children. Which means, I like know what's going on in their lives, what influences they're dealing with, etc. In practice, I often count the hours (and then minutes) until afternoon Rest Time. And the girls know that only emergencies are good reasons for interacting with Mama during Rest Time. (The term is always capitalized. Always!)

 

Dd8 is an extrovert. I remember making arrangements with dh one afternoon so that I could escape the apartment and actually go to the store alone. (We're an all-errands-done-one-day-a-week family, so this was unusual.) I was so looking forward to getting out by myself, even for 20 minutes, when dd8 happened to come out of Rest Time. Since it was really time for her to be up, I didn't feel I could send her back to her room. That is, until she asked me, "Mama, can I go, too? I wouldn't want you to be lonely." :001_huh:

:glare:

<sigh> So sweet, right?

 

I took her.

 

But I soooooo get what you mean. I'm not as much of an introvert as dh is so I often have to function as the extrovert of the family - but I'm not! Really, I'm not!

 

Mama Anna

[KatA]

I've been a mother for only 2 years, so I'm no expert. But I think that motherhood and guilt are close companions. At least for me. There is the constant judgements and comparisons, looking at other women, those better mothers and thinking "What's wrong with me?" Breastfeeding, crying it out, daycare, staying at home, it goes on and on and on...

 

I have seen those posts where other women wonder what mother could ever look forward to sending there kids off to school. But I wonder how could someone make such a blanket statement? Because you enjoy sending your kids off, you are LESS of a mother. A previous poster mentioned about 8 hours being too long... What span of time is good enough to be a good mother? A few hours a night is okay, once a week is fine, but 8 hours a day, five days a week... Now you've gone too far.

 

But to answer the OP, even though I don't HS yet. I only have one son, he's the sweetest boy and I love so much, but if it wasn't for that darn guilt of wanting what's best for him, I probably would have gone back to work by now. I enjoyed it. Just as a mom might send her kids to school to keep her sanity, to be a better mom. Some moms might not see it that way, and that's okay. We're all just doing the best we can.

[Tammy (TX)]

I love being with my kids, but I'm an introvert and NEED quiet time by myself to recharge. I used to get that time at night, but hubby isn't that excited about going to bed at different times and it's not healthy for me to stay up so late.

 

So, we have "alone time" in our house every weekday (and sometimes weekends.) It started as nap time, but now that they're older it's quiet time. Each kid is in a different room, which means one has to take books into my room, and we are all alone for about 2 hours. My DS10 uses that time to read books and do school work, DS8 usually makes things (legos, etc.), and my DD5 plays with dolls or looks at books.

 

I read, do computer work, sew, or catch up on whatever I need to do. I have a snack all by myself, lol. If it's been crazy, I'll nap. I joke that it's my favorite time of day - it's just my most needed time, I think.

 

They get up around 3 or 4 and we all are kind of 'reset' to get through the rest of the day.

[Nestof3]

I'm with you! Introvert and all. There's no job I'd rather have, but they could do so much to make it more enjoyable. I have such a perfect picture of it all in my head, but they have to go and be kids and thwart it. LOL

 

I've been honest and admitted that often their bedtime is for my sanity more than their need to sleep.

 

Oh, and I'm not so sure an empty nest won't have its bright side. :)

[swellmomma]

I struggle some days. With no dad in the picture for the most part (my ex has just started having visits with the older 2 kids, for a few hours every other week) it is easy to have days of being overwhelmed with them and their behaviour. However, it still saddens me to hear of parents who say they couldn't/wouldn't homeschool because they can't stand to be around their kids that much, because I find it selfish. Yes everyone needs a break, everyone should have "me time" but to feel having your kids around you is some sort of burden is really a selfish way to be thinking imo.

[Snickerdoodle]

My kids are perfect.

 

They never annoy me, and they always eat all their food without complaining and with perfect manners.

 

They never wind up out of control and they always cheerfully do things the first time I ask.

[JulieH]

No, you're not. I honestly dont' know how I'm going to do it. I *really* enjoyed my alone time during the school days when they were in school.

 

I told dh I'm going to take off on a business trip in a few days after the first month or two of homeschooling. Thankfully he thinks it's a good idea!

[angela in ohio]

I agree with pp that it gets easier as they get older. That is the biggest thing.

 

I need a lot of quiet time. :D I am NOT a good mother if I don't get a chance to catch my breath (mostly from the constant conversation and questions.)

 

A few things that have helped me:

 

A strict bedtime. Dc know that "I am not your mother after 8:00 pm."

 

Quiet, obedient chidren. I can't handle a bunch of screaming maniacs running around my house, and there is no way I could deal with arguing and still do this all day every day. (You should see me after the Cub Scouts leave - quietly rocking in the fetal position and humming to myself. :blink:)

 

Dh takes the kiddos out of the house for several hours at least every other week or so *usually weekly.)

 

Even with all of that, I still have moments where I hide in my room with a book and some chocolate in the middle of the day.

 

I have NO idea how single moms do it. You all have many :grouphug: from me.

[Annie Laurie]

I'm an introvert too and also need a break from my kids sometimes.

 

What always saved me was 1) A two hour quiet time every afternoon after lunch, and 2) dh will take the kids out for the day on the weekend and I can stay home all alone all day.

 

But since the baby came I've had to give up those things. He naps during quiet time and will only do so if I lay down with him. He's quiet, but sometimes I'd give anything to be completely alone, because I get touched out as well as talked out. And the baby nurses, so dh hasn't been able to take him out for long periods, but now that he's eating solids well I'm hoping that will change soon.

[2squared]

My question is ... how do you got the doctor/dentist? Do I have to drag all 3 kids along every time? We don't have family close by, so I am considering finding a baby-sitter, but that has never been our thing.

 

Enough lamenting..:001_huh:

 

Yes, my kids go everywhere with me. :tongue_smilie: I am an introvert with a house of littles. I do go crazy, especially since I always, always have a kid with me.

[iona]

:cheers2:

 

Until I started hsing one of the things that got me through the day with the kids was knowing they'd start school eventually and be out of my hair for a while.

 

I am glad that I am hsing, but I still deal with those feelings.

 

A friend of mine asked me (half-joking) "why do you hschool?...you don't want a break?" I just had to chuckle quietly.

 

For me, the pros of hsing outweigh the cons.

[justamouse]

:grouphug: IT's a process one grows into.

 

Don't feel guilty for being wrung out. Carve out alone time and make sure you get it-you can't teach with an empty battery. Do something in that time that refillls your well.

 

It gets better, really. I couldn't take it all the first few year, either.

 

I take mine all with me everywhere, too. Now that their older I enjoy their company--but that's because they leave me alone more, now.

Edited August 22, 2011 by justamouse

[KrissiK]

It's hard for me, too. I'm an introvert. I like just puttering around and doing my thing and not interacting with anyone. My children really do suck the life right out of me. They are very interactively demanding. But, I know this is just a season in my life and I try to enjoy it, but I do get resentful of the well-meaning older women in the church who cluck and coo and say, "Ohhhh, just enjoy this time. It goes by so fast." And I'm sure it does and one morning I'll wake up to an empty house and wonder what happened. But, in the during time, it is hard.

[ChristusG]

I'm one of the ones who doesn't understand why people count down the days until summer break is over so that they can send their children back to school.

 

Yes, my children drive me nuts at times. I am very much an introvert. And I have a 7 year old DD who will talk my ear off. Sometimes I purposely avoid getting up when DH does in the morning because he is all talk, talk, talk in the morning and I'm.....well, not LOL. I love my quiet time at night when the kids are in bed. I call it my "me" time.

 

But I am committed to homeschooling and know that the pros very much outweigh the cons. I *do* love to spend time with my kids. If I didn't want to spend time with them then I wouldn't have had them. I love seeing them learn and grow and to be the one to raise them. So I guess I understand both sides.

[Mommyfaithe]

I love to be alone. I use the garden for that:D. If all else fails...I vacuum....it is noisy...and I can have my own thoughts. My kids know not to bug me when I am vacuuming.

 

I remember reading a story about Susanna Wesley, the famous Wesley's mom....she had about a billion kids and a very small home. She liked her quiet , alone time.....but never could have any. She would take her apron and throw it over her head when she wanted to pray or think. Her kids knew that was her signal not to bother Mamma. I love that story.

 

Faithe

[linguistmama]

This is why my children get to watch an hour of tv in the afternoon. ;) Even the 3yo will leave me alone. I love the ideal of listening to audiobooks etc, but it would take awhile for my 3yo to be able to do that and I need me time today.

[BetterthanIdeserve]

I have learned that I am a much better momma and wife if I can get 1-2 hours quiet time in the afternoon (I am much happier too!). Unfortunately, between my toddler tornado and DD6 who is so much more compliant and ready to learn in the afternoons, I usually settle for just 30 minutes. It has been such a balancing act to figure out what is best for all of us. For the next few months, I realize that I will have to use much of my toddler's nap time for homeschool, but I still need to carve out some time for me to physically and emotionally rest. I've learned that watching tv helps me zone out but it does not let me recharge. So I've quit watching TV and only watch a movie when a movie when my husband asks me too. It was hard to quit, but I'm glad I did.

 

Training my children to be kind and well-behaved seems exhausting at times, but I know we are all a lot happier when they get a long and and they know what are their boundaries. I've learned it also helps if we stay on top of keeping the house picked up.

 

A few weeks ago, as I sent my dd6 off to a week long day camp, I thought, "Am I crazy? I could be sending her off every day when school starts?" I'm so glad, I decided to ignore that thought, but I also realized I need to take better care of me so that I don't get so frustrated with the kids that I take it out on them.

[Mercy_Me]

If I am, well, I guess that was my confession for the day! :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm an introvert, and I'd be happy to be alone 12 hours a day (and I'd spend most of that in sweet, sweet silence!). Instead, I wake to DH, the kids wake up shortly after, I spend all day with the kids and usually other people trying to give them social opportunities, cook for them, and get them ready for bed just in time for my DH to come home and stay up until 1:00 a.m. Having them with me all day every day is very difficult, and I consider it a personal sacrifice that I'm willing to make for them until they're off to college or I burn out entirely, whichever comes first (hopefully not the latter, but some days I wonder :lol:).

 

I see comments about how appalled we are that people express a desire to not be with their kids all day or that they say they can't wait until the kids go back to school for the year. Am I the only person who can identify with that? I can't believe I am, but I see it often enough that I can't help but wonder. I often feel like a weirdo here, and this is just another one of those issues that makes me think I really am unusual.

 

You're not alone! As I whole, I know I am doing what I believe is best for our family. But I still have the occasional day where I wonder if it is too late to get them enrolled in the nearest public school. :):grouphug:

[kalanamak]

I just spent four days with kiddo while hubby was out of town, and I am looking forward to going back to work in the morning.

[Forget-Me-Not]

As your kids get older, it'll get easier!

 

Jennifer, I'm hanging onto this for dear life!

 

I'm hanging onto that for dear life too. I'm really looking forward to the time when I can leave my oldest (8 1/2) alone for a short run to the grocery store or whatever.

 

It's been better than I anticipated, but still hard. We started HS because we felt really led to it, and it was a huge leap of faith on my part to do it knowing I was going to be with my kids day in and day out. I am an introvert and need a lot of breaks. I'm fortunate that both my mother and MIL live close and are very supportive of HSing. And my DH is REALLY supportive of me in general, but also of my need for breaks.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

No, you aren't.

 

I have felt like a horrible mom all week because we are facing a deployment and the thought of four months of JUST ME with the kids,....no break is daunting. I feel guilty for thoughts of, "if they were in school all day I'd have a break and maybe I'd be a better mom". :001_huh:

 

And then I read the news that a friend of mine is pg with a baby who won't live very long after birth (their first child, after miscarraiges) and I think,"She would give ANYTHING to have three healthy wonderful kids and I can't handle it?!" :crying:

 

When I read the snark about, "of course I want to be with my kids all day" it just reinforces my belief that I'm the only Terrible, Horrible, Really No Good Mom out there who ever needs a break.

 

ETA: And may I just add that my youngest two have discovered knockknock jokes and OHMYGAWD some days I just feel like "If I have to hear ONE MORE STINKIN' KNOCKKNOCK JOKE I'm gonna need a huggie vest!" At least my son can read them so he tells actual jokes. The baby, though?

 

"Knock, knock"

 

"Who's there?"

 

"Kitten!"

 

"Kitten who?"

 

"Kitten cotton ball!"

Edited August 22, 2011 by ThatCyndiGirl

[Alphabetika]

I haven't read the rest of the replies (no flames, please ;) ) but I can tell you that this was the main reason I put my oldest dd in school for 2 years. It made no sense, because I had her younger sister by the time she was in school, so it wasn't as if I would have been alone all day. But I was terrified of having no solitude. I am less terrified now, but it's still frustrating.

 

When I have more time I'll read everyone's responses and hope to find that we're not the only ones.