s/o Annoying things non-homeschoolers say

[regentrude]

I want to comment on this thread

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=302245

 

going on the the K-8 forum, but think this is better suited for the General board.

I am actually appalled by the way people make fun of non-homeschoolers who do not possess all those wonderful insights homeschooling parents have. For somebody who is not familiar with homeschooling, many of these questions ARE real questions: how do you do science, how will the kids make friends, does the public school supply materials, are there regular tests.

I think most of us teach our children that asking questions is the way to learn, that there are no stupid questions, that it is OK to not know something because you can always learn. Somebody who has not been exposed to homeschooling just.does.not.know the answers. The person will have misconceptions - as we all have misconceptions about some areas.

 

Also, one thing I do not get is why people are so annoyed when non-homeschoolers say "I could not do that." You know what? Before I homeschooled, I did not think I could do it either. I did not know what was involved, that I did not have to be a teacher, that I did not have to give up my job, that I would be able to find a routine, that I could facilitate my kids' learning, that the kids would accept their mom as their teacher. So, reading how non-homeschoolers are judged because they do not know makes me cringe.

 

I am not talking about mean-spirited people who want to criticize or belittle your homeschooling - I can understand the frustration and see how a sarcastic remark would be an appropriate response. I am talking about people who are merely ignorant about homeschooling and betray their ignorance by a question. I think being condescending and giving them snarky answers is just not right. When I started my homeschooling journey, I greatly benefited from a few homeschoolers who patiently answered my stupid questions and who encouraged me to embark on a marvellous trip. I would much rather be the person who encourages somebody who "could never do it" to try, than the one who turns them off forever by a snarky response.

[Audrey]

You are right that most people ask questions like that because they just don't know and have no clue how one would go about homeschooling. That's fine. I usually give brief answers because I don't actually care to discuss homeschooling with non-homeschoolers very much. If they truly seem interested, I might point them to resources or answer a few more questions.

 

I don't feel like I have to be an ambassador for homeschooling, though. It's just another lifestyle choice to me. It isn't the sum of who we are as a family. I don't actively encourage other people to try homeschooling.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I agree with you 100%

[regentrude]

I don't feel like I have to be an ambassador for homeschooling, though. It's just another lifestyle choice to me. It isn't the sum of who we are as a family. I don't actively encourage other people to try homeschooling.

 

I do not go around recruiting either - when I talked about encouraging, I was thinking about people who were trying to reach a decision and who needed to just hear some answers to their questions.

Sorry if I did not word this well.

It is not the sum of who I am either.

[Mercy_Me]

I want to comment on this thread

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=302245

 

going on the the K-8 forum, but think this is better suited for the General board.

I am actually appalled by the way people make fun of non-homeschoolers who do not possess all those wonderful insights homeschooling parents have. For somebody who is not familiar with homeschooling, many of these questions ARE real questions: how do you do science, how will the kids make friends, does the public school supply materials, are there regular tests.

I think most of us teach our children that asking questions is the way to learn, that there are no stupid questions, that it is OK to not know something because you can always learn. Somebody who has not been exposed to homeschooling just.does.not.know the answers. The person will have misconceptions - as we all have misconceptions about some areas.

 

Also, one thing I do not get is why people are so annoyed when non-homeschoolers say "I could not do that." You know what? Before I homeschooled, I did not think I could do it either. I did not know what was involved, that I did not have to be a teacher, that I did not have to give up my job, that I would be able to find a routine, that I could facilitate my kids' learning, that the kids would accept their mom as their teacher. So, reading how non-homeschoolers are judged because they do not know makes me cringe.

 

I am not talking about mean-spirited people who want to criticize or belittle your homeschooling - I can understand the frustration and see how a sarcastic remark would be an appropriate response. I am talking about people who are merely ignorant about homeschooling and betray their ignorance by a question. I think being condescending and giving them snarky answers is just not right. When I started my homeschooling journey, I greatly benefited from a few homeschoolers who patiently answered my stupid questions and who encouraged me to embark on a marvellous trip. I would much rather be the person who encourages somebody who "could never do it" to try, than the one who turns them off forever by a snarky response.

 

:iagree: Sometimes those threads get so hateful that I would like to suggest that the offended home schooler wear a T-shirt that says...."I Home School. Don't Talk To Me." :001_smile:

[Farrar]

I didn't read that thread past the first few dozen posts (it got pretty big), and I know these things can get really snarky sometimes, which isn't so nice. But I also think there's a way in which the ignorant (in the literal, non-judgmental sense of the word) things people say, while totally innocent and not rude, begin to wear on one after awhile and it's just nice to vent a little. I have twins and when they were babies, somewhere around the 500th time someone said sweetly to me, "Oh, are they twins?" I think I nearly snapped. Not because it was a rude question or because I thought they were an idiot (I mean, it was pretty obvious they were twins, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to make assumptions) but because after awhile, you just get sick of it. And it's the same thing with the things people say to me about homeschooling. After awhile, I don't think the people themselves are annoying or bad, but I myself am annoyed, so it's nice to blow off a little steam and laugh about it with other people who get it. One of the conversations I'm genuinely tired of having is the "I could never do it!" conversation. I don't think people who say that are wrong, just that I'm tired of responding.

[Live2Ride]

I want to comment on this thread

Also, one thing I do not get is why people are so annoyed when non-homeschoolers say "I could not do that." You know what? Before I homeschooled, I did not think I could do it either. I did not know what was involved, that I did not have to be a teacher, that I did not have to give up my job, that I would be able to find a routine, that I could facilitate my kids' learning, that the kids would accept their mom as their teacher. So, reading how non-homeschoolers are judged because they do not know makes me cringe.

 

I always let the ones that say that they can't do it know that it's not as hard as it seems. That there are lots to know, but if they were truely interested, that I would help them. I want to be a positive advocate for homeschooling when people talk or ask questions. People can do anything they really want to...it's a mindset and does require work, but that I love what it has done for our family and children.

[stripe]

I've had people make comments like this about many topics and I've come to conclude many people belittle themselves as a way to praise others. I also almost always instantly regret snarky answers because I realize the person usually meant well. I think many of the 'annoying' comments are legitimate concerns about homeschooling or an attempt to make conversaion. Heck, I too wonder how someone who didn't finish high school can educate her child at home without using a library or having any books in the house. But I am too chicken to ask for details! I asked a relative of mine who homeschools about it, when my kids were younger, and she blew me off and still won't discuss hs with me , so .... My advice is, don't be so sensitive. Most people say the same things! I'm with Farrar on the repeat conversation track. I have had people making the same stupid rhymes or singing the same songs when they learn my name, for my whole life! People also say the same few comments about my kids all the time -- even my own mother is guilty! I've just had to learn to live with it.

Edited August 21, 2011 by stripe

[Peela]

I havent read the thread cos I don't visit that board anymore, but I don't mind at all when people ask me questions about homeschooling. I still enjoy talking about it. I am also grateful for the people who patiently answered my beginners questions- IRL and here. I knew no one IRL who homeschooled until I started researching and seeking out homeschoolers. When you haven't been exposed to it, you just don't know. Its even scary.

I am a bit of a homeschool advocate and happily answer questions- its my way of changing the world one person at a time :) Nowadays i have younger friends with young children- and I am someone they ask questions of as they consider various educational routes for their little ones.

Just to know someone, to meet someone, IRL, who has homeschooled- and their kids have turned out ok- will be a big thing for someone in your life.

[Harriet Vane]

For me it really does depend on the speaker's attitude. I truly don't mind questions that are asked with respect and genuine interest. On the other hand, if I sense the speaker is being combative or using their questions to communicate disdain, then I shut down the conversation pretty quickly.

[pdalley]

I didn't read that thread past the first few dozen posts (it got pretty big), and I know these things can get really snarky sometimes, which isn't so nice. But I also think there's a way in which the ignorant (in the literal, non-judgmental sense of the word) things people say, while totally innocent and not rude, begin to wear on one after awhile and it's just nice to vent a little. I have twins and when they were babies, somewhere around the 500th time someone said sweetly to me, "Oh, are they twins?" I think I nearly snapped. Not because it was a rude question or because I thought they were an idiot (I mean, it was pretty obvious they were twins, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to make assumptions) but because after awhile, you just get sick of it. And it's the same thing with the things people say to me about homeschooling. After awhile, I don't think the people themselves are annoying or bad, but I myself am annoyed, so it's nice to blow off a little steam and laugh about it with other people who get it. One of the conversations I'm genuinely tired of having is the "I could never do it!" conversation. I don't think people who say that are wrong, just that I'm tired of responding.

 

:iagree:Try having three autistic kids and homeschool. You get tired of the same old same old things over and over again. I don't get ugly with people if they are really curious. I seldom get ugly with people who are trying to boss me around about either or both. However I reserve the right to get tired of being made out to be some kind of saint because I do what I do. I'm just like everyone else - my challenges are just mine - not harder or worse than any one else -just different. These are my babies and I love them and would do anything for them that will help them become productive members of society. Just like any other parent. I really don't think it's wrong for me to get tired of being put on some pedestal.

 

And what on earth is wrong with a good old vent sometimes? I need one. My mother is dying of breast cancer that has spread and is in agony. If one more person tells me how amazing I am I think I shall scream. I'm just a daughter doing what daughters do.

 

I don't care where people send their kids to get an education. I don't have their kids so I don't know what's best for their kids. I do know what is best for mine. So I ask the same respect from others. Sometimes I get it and sometimes I don't. When I don't I tend to complain.

 

Forgive me for being human, I guess.

[Carrie12345]

I *love* genuine questions about homeschooling!

Unfortunately 90% of the "questions" I field are of the "Are you crazy?" variety. Combine that with the responses to my having a fourth, then FIFTH babies and, frankly, I'm done with chucking at my own expense. It's gotten old.

[LaxMom]

For me it really does depend on the speaker's attitude. I truly don't mind questions that are asked with respect and genuine interest. On the other hand, if I sense the speaker is being combative or using their questions to communicate disdain, then I shut down the conversation pretty quickly.

 

Me too. I am always particularly :confused: when someone declares they couldn't stand to be with their kids all day. And I'm not a "kid person".

 

I didn't read that thread past the first few dozen posts (it got pretty big), and I know these things can get really snarky sometimes, which isn't so nice. But I also think there's a way in which the ignorant (in the literal, non-judgmental sense of the word) things people say, while totally innocent and not rude, begin to wear on one after awhile and it's just nice to vent a little. I have twins and when they were babies, somewhere around the 500th time someone said sweetly to me, "Oh, are they twins?" I think I nearly snapped. Not because it was a rude question or because I thought they were an idiot (I mean, it was pretty obvious they were twins, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to make assumptions) but because after awhile, you just get sick of it. And it's the same thing with the things people say to me about homeschooling. After awhile, I don't think the people themselves are annoying or bad, but I myself am annoyed, so it's nice to blow off a little steam and laugh about it with other people who get it. One of the conversations I'm genuinely tired of having is the "I could never do it!" conversation. I don't think people who say that are wrong, just that I'm tired of responding.

 

I used to threaten to put a speaker with an information loop on the stroller.

"Yes, they're twins... they're boys... yes, despite the long eyelashes... no, we didn't have fertility problems... yes, they were full term... 6lbs 8 and 6 lbs 9... no, they do NOT belong to the blonde, she is their 15 year old sister... yes, they ARE #s 3 and 4. Good counting!... thanks for letting me know we are now "done"... Yes, they are twins..." :lol:

[stripe]

I used to threaten to put a speaker with an information loop on the stroller.

"Yes, they're twins... they're boys... yes, despite the long eyelashes... no, we didn't have fertility problems... yes, they were full term... 6lbs 8 and 6 lbs 9... no, they do NOT belong to the blonde, she is their 15 year old sister... yes, they ARE #s 3 and 4. Good counting!... thanks for letting me know we are now "done"... Yes, they are twins..." :lol:

 

hilarious. Do people ask you husband these questions too? People regularly tell my husband how cute our kids are but no one ever tells me that -- ?! People in public generally look scared of me so I'm spared some nonsense.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Also, one thing I do not get is why people are so annoyed when non-homeschoolers say "I could not do that."

 

We get a lot of questions and comments about fostering like this. The big one is "I couldn't foster; I'd get too attached." I always answer, "They *need* you to get too attached and do everything in your power to help them!" That gets A LOT of them thinking. Sometimes they follow it up with something like "but I'd be so upset when they go home." I answer, "yes, you would. We all do! Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

 

I'm not trying to convince people to foster (or homeschool). But I do suggest that there are other ways of thinking of things.

 

I'm not asked so much about homeschooling these days probably because my big kids are so big and my littles are so little. I'm sure I'll be asked more about it after we adopt and start homeschooling so are out in the middle of the day.

[Mynyel]

I didn't read that thread past the first few dozen posts (it got pretty big), and I know these things can get really snarky sometimes, which isn't so nice. But I also think there's a way in which the ignorant (in the literal, non-judgmental sense of the word) things people say, while totally innocent and not rude, begin to wear on one after awhile and it's just nice to vent a little. I have twins and when they were babies, somewhere around the 500th time someone said sweetly to me, "Oh, are they twins?" I think I nearly snapped. Not because it was a rude question or because I thought they were an idiot (I mean, it was pretty obvious they were twins, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to make assumptions) but because after awhile, you just get sick of it. And it's the same thing with the things people say to me about homeschooling. After awhile, I don't think the people themselves are annoying or bad, but I myself am annoyed, so it's nice to blow off a little steam and laugh about it with other people who get it. One of the conversations I'm genuinely tired of having is the "I could never do it!" conversation. I don't think people who say that are wrong, just that I'm tired of responding.

 

:iagree:

 

My mom was like this as well. She had (well still has :D even if they are 28) a set of twins, then low and behold my youngest sister was born 15 months later. My little sister was a bruiser and the twins were born very small (full term and healthy just small). So by the time my youngest sister could walk (9 months ugh) everyone kept asking my mom if they were triplets. She tried at first explaining but then after a time just started saying yes. It was much easier then explaining. So sometimes when we hear the same thing over and over, it gets a little nerve racking.

 

Although you can tell from the tone of a person if they are truly interested or looking to prove you wrong :)

[Jennifer3141]

I experienced the twin thing a TON when my kids were younger. They are 14 months apart and DD is small while DS is bigger. I eventually started saying that they were twins because I got really tired of the crunchy granola people assuming I formula fed to increase fertility (You really CAN get pregnant while breastfeeding a 5 month old exclusively and I do mean exclusively!!) while the mainstream people thought I was an advocate for formula feeding or trying to start a Quiver Full. :glare:

Until one day, some random woman called me out and wondered if DS was "retarded" because he wasn't hitting the milestones DD was running through. I could NOT win!! :D

 

On the homeschooling thing, it totally depends upon attitude for me. If someone is realy interested in how we do science, then I'll tell them all about REAL science happily. If they REALLY want to know what we eat for lunch or how we structure the day, I'll share as much as possible.

 

If it's more of the, "I couldn't stand to be stuck with my kids all day!" then I tend to just run away. And I do judge those people - especially when their kids are within earshot. I don't think telling your kids you cannot stand them is acceptable and it truly annoys me that that has become the June/September joke in our society. I think I ranted here about the FB updates I was seeing all over at the end of May. I cannot believe what people will type on a screen when their kids are RIGHT THERE. :(

[unsinkable]

I feel sorry for the innocent questioners and the kind people who are just trying to make conversation who get smart-@$$ answers to their questions.

 

People ask me often if the district gives me books or curriculum. I'd say 99% of the time when I say "no" they have a negative reaction to the schools! IOW, they can't believe the schools wouldn't help homeschoolers by providing the books. From their perspective, schools should help.

 

I'd say the average innocent questioner has limited experience with the minutia of homeschooling. Why should they?

 

I see it as similar to people asking my husband about his job. He doesn't get offended by the questions about what he does and his background and education.

 

When someone asks my kids why they aren't in school or some variation of that they usually answer, "We're done for the day" or "No school today" or "We homeschool". I just don't see the need for snarky answers.

 

sarcasm on\ There is no such thing as a stupid question unless it asked by a non-homeschooler about homeschooling. /sarcasm off

[Violet Crown]

I don't give snarky responses (even when they would be called for...), and I've never heard a homeschooler in real life be snarky to a questioner. I'm not at all sure that the threads are more than just venting.

[radiobrain]

I agree with the OP, but I also think there is nothing wrong with venting either.

 

I usually try to be an ambassador, when I am in a good mood. If I'm in a bad mood I keep it short. I am a naturally chatty person, so the difference between these two is dramatic. ;)

 

Anyhoo, when it comes to when people say ignorant, insensitive things...I usually ignore it. Most people don't realize they have just put their foot in their mouth. I would hate for there to be a new PC set of talking points to use with homeschoolers.

 

One of our librarians the other day, when asking about how we do things, when school starts etc etc used the term "real school". I hate that. However, she was asking real questions and is genuinely interested, so I let it slide. I would use the term "brick and mortar" or "traditional school setting", but that is my personal terminology. I see her all the time, so I will eventually enlighten her, or not.

 

I do think that mush of the snarkiness or vitriol has to do with the fact that choosing homeschooling is so "out of the norm", yet normal for those who have chosen it, and it gets OLD having to reexplain yourself all the time to seemingly random people.

 

need more c o f f e e .....

[swellmomma]

I posted on the other thread. I am fine with answering questions asked by those truly interested or curious. I do so all the time. But at the same time there is times when the person asking is doing it to be snarky themselves, or with such disbelief that you wonder if you have suddenly sprouted extra heads for them to think you are so freaky, or the comments about not being able to stand their kids etc. While I do not say anything snarky back (unless it is family but that is a different issue), I certainly think it. Having a place to post those things and vent them, and realize that you are not the only one hearing those kinds of comments is a good thing.

 

Friday for example, I had a long conversation with one of the librarians about how homeschooling works in Alberta, and how we are registered and what that means etc. At the same time it was just the other night when I get looked at like a weirdo, and asked how I could possibly know what an interlined note book is. I answered nicely, but the whole time was thinking that the lady was an idiot. Contrary to what my high school social studies teacher said, there really is stupid questions. Being able to come here and laugh about it with those who "get it" is a good thing. To me it is no different than sharing any of the other funny/weird/stupid things that may have been said or done that day with a group of friends.

[Wabi Sabi]

I have twins and when they were babies, somewhere around the 500th time someone said sweetly to me, "Oh, are they twins?" I think I nearly snapped. Not because it was a rude question or because I thought they were an idiot (I mean, it was pretty obvious they were twins, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to make assumptions) but because after awhile, you just get sick of it. And it's the same thing with the things people say to me about homeschooling. After awhile, I don't think the people themselves are annoying or bad, but I myself am annoyed, so it's nice to blow off a little steam and laugh about it with other people who get it. One of the conversations I'm genuinely tired of having is the "I could never do it!" conversation. I don't think people who say that are wrong, just that I'm tired of responding.

 

I've been on the exact opposite side of the situation: I used to have a small home daycare. When my ds was an infant I began watching a little girl who was born within two weeks of him. So they were both the same age, same size (very small for their ages) with the same hair and skin coloring. They looked remarkably alike. As the two babies spent all day together they became very close like siblings down to having the same speech patterns once they became toddlers, similar mannerisms, etc. Naturally, everywhere we went people assumed they were twins. Whenever anyone made a remark about the cute little twins I used to go into a long explanation about how they weren't even related, blah blah blah. Over time though I got giving long winded explanations and learned to smile, say thanks, and move on. :D

[Ksol]

When I read a few replies in that other thread, I wanted to start my own about annoying things homeschoolers say. We are still 'new' homeschoolers. This is our third year after 5 years in public school. I find that online and in person, too many homeschoolers put themselves on pedestals. I've heard too many comments about "those public school kids." Our decision to homeschool does not make us better parents or make our kids better than "those public school kids."

[FO4UR]

I think the other thread is just blowing off some steam...it's a HSing board...it's a safe place.

 

I err on the side of kindness when answering questions. I assume the question is genuine. I assume the best of people until they give me a reason to think otherwise.

 

At one time, I was the one asking the questions.

[Farrar]

I agree that actually saying the snarky things you *wish* you could say isn't so good. But they're funny, right? I've never given any snarky answers about homeschooling or twins, but dh got to the point where he would say, "No, this is the original and this is his clone," to people. And now I'm laughing... but I know it's wrong.

[Parrothead]

Wait, hold on.

 

Someone (or several someones) have come to the boards asking questions about homeschooling and they are getting razzed because of "newbie" questions?

 

I ask because this is the OP (bolded mine):

Just thought I'd compile the garbage so we can all take it out at the beginning of the school year. After 12 years of home schooling, I've learned that people who make these comments are I.g.n.o.r.a.n.t in the truest definition (not as an insult). Here's a couple from today's boards:

 

1. What about state standards? Um with our low numbers as a nation, is that a standard we want to follow?

 

2. Don't you want stability for your child? B/c a different teacher, bus driver, lunch lady, students, materials are all so stable.

 

keep 'em comin. I know we have heard it all! Newbies....forget what they say. Go with your gut about home schooling. You'll feel better about in a couple of years and you'll look back and laugh that people actually bothered you!

 

And there is 29 pages of this?

 

Holy crap! I'm glad I had all my newbie questions answered kindly years ago.

[Mommyfaithe]

" you have how many kids? Do you have a farm?". Said by old uncle at wedding:D

 

How do you know your kids are learning anything?

 

Is that legal?

 

I would hate to be with my kids all day!

 

Do you have to have a license??

 

To the kids: Do you have any friends?

 

So, is every day a snow day??

[Mrs Mungo]

When people are curious, then I answer nicely. However, there have been a couple of times when someone was being very combative and I gave them a snarky answer to shut them down.

 

Another WTMer and I were out for coffee recently when a man asked if we were social workers and we said no, we homeschool. He asked a bunch of questions-whether we had to follow state standards, whether we received books or other support from the schools, etc and we nicely answered all of his questions.

 

A different WTMer and I were at the same party last night. Someone said, "I don't have the patience to homeschool." I said, "you are supposed to patient?!" The other WTMer said, "I don't remember that being part of the criteria." And everyone laughed, we were making light of it, not being snarky.

 

However, one day in a gas station the attendant asked a bunch of questions about how I could possibly homeschool in a combative manner: how I could know enough, whether I had to answer to the state, how I proved I was qualified, etc. I finally shut it down with a, "because your public school education took you so far?"

 

I do understand that it gets frustrating to answer the same questions over and over. Maybe we could make cards with the top ten FAQ for people to pass out? :)

[sparrow]

I don't actually hang with many other homeschoolers, so I am the "go to" person for any questions about homeschooling friends, and friends of friends :001_smile:, may have. I am also the "go to" person for questions about international adoption, despite the fact that I'm sure everything has changed since our first adoption was more than a decade ago. I don't mind and answer to the best of my ability.

 

I went over to look at the thread the OP linked. Now I'm wondering what kind of snarky comments are being made about me when I ask innocent questions about public school. My kids have never attended, so I don't know the ins and outs of some of the school "stuff" my friends talk about.

[Jenny in Florida]

But I also think there's a way in which the ignorant (in the literal, non-judgmental sense of the word) things people say, while totally innocent and not rude, begin to wear on one after awhile and it's just nice to vent a little.

 

This is very true.

 

When my daughter was little, she was really lovely. (I swear this isn't bragging. It sets up the point I'm making.) She was what we in our family call a "magic baby," the one you just can't stop watching. She was also one of those kids who let us dress her up in cute matching outfits with little hats and shoes, etc. In fact, she developed her own fashion sense well before preschool age and wouldn't even leave the house if her clothing didn't match. (There was the time I took her to get her picture taken when she was about three. I complimented how adorable she looked, and she got angry with me for saying that. Apparently, she was upset because her tights were ivory and her shoes were white, and they didn't match and she thought everyone would notice.)

 

Anyway, the point is that she drew lots of attention everywhere we went. People stopped me on the street to tell me how beautiful she was. Many, many people told me, as though they were the very first ones ever to think of it, that she should be a model.

 

And it was all very sweet and everything, but sometimes, I really just wanted to finish my grocery shopping. Or find the store's restroom. Or have a little mental quiet so I could calculate the better per-ounce price on the ketchup.

 

The point is that, although the things people were saying were lovely and complimentary, I'm afraid I got a little tired of having my life interrupted to hear them and of the implied obligation to respond politely to every person along the way.

 

For me, she was just my daughter, a part of my life.

 

And I think for a lot of us, homeschooling is the same thing. Yes, it's interesting from the outside. But it's also just our lives. We don't always want to have to be ambassadors. Sometimes, we really need a mental break so we can decide which ketchup to buy.

[JennyD]

As much as I love the internet, there are some things I have learned online that I really wish I hadn't, and one of them is how many people are annoyed by pleasant, if inane, social chitchat. Obviously rudeness is always out of line, but I am never bothered in the slightest by friendly questions, and -- being a chatty sort -- I ask plenty of light but potentially irritating questions myself. ("Are you from around here? How old are your children? How do you like your neighborhood?") I mean, you knock off one conversational topic after another, and pretty soon we're all standing around awkwardly in total silence.

[unsinkable]

As I get older, I find myself with more patience to answer the same questions, not less.

[Farrar]

Ooh. Has it turned to mocking toward newbies? Okay, very uncool. The first pages were all things non-homeschoolers say to you... not people interested in homeschooling, just random people you deal with every day. I can see that newbie questions also get annoying, but someone shepherded us non-newbies through so I always try to remember that when people ask me things like that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ooh. Has it turned to mocking toward newbies? Okay, very uncool. The first pages were all things non-homeschoolers say to you... not people interested in homeschooling, just random people you deal with every day. I can see that newbie questions also get annoying, but someone shepherded us non-newbies through so I always try to remember that when people ask me things like that.

 

:iagree:

 

The snarky things list are usually things that people think but never say (for the most part anyway). But if Newbies on this board are asking questions and then read snarky responses here then it is very rude and just plain unhelpful.

[Avila]

I have to agree with some of the other posters. I am not an ambassador for homeschooling. I don't feel the need to convert or convince anyone. If people ask me questions in a genuine, non-combative manner, I will try to answer back with that same respect. But I honestly don't feel like I owe it to anybody to feel like I have to justify myself, especially to a complete stranger at the supermarket, or that I have to take time out of my life to answer someone else's idle curiosity. Sometimes even if they are not being combative, they are being rude. I don't feel like I have to always answer a question just because someone asks one.

 

If somebody is asking because they are considering homeschooling, I try to be more generous with my time, knowledge and experience. But the lady who just happens to be behind me in line at the store and who wants to play 20 questions is probably going to get a much shorter and pat response.

[Sputterduck]

As much as I love the internet, there are some things I have learned online that I really wish I hadn't, and one of them is how many people are annoyed by pleasant, if inane, social chitchat. Obviously rudeness is always out of line, but I am never bothered in the slightest by friendly questions, and -- being a chatty sort -- I ask plenty of light but potentially irritating questions myself. ("Are you from around here? How old are your children? How do you like your neighborhood?") I mean, you knock off one conversational topic after another, and pretty soon we're all standing around awkwardly in total silence.

 

Me, too. It makes a person afraid to talk. You never know if you are talking to someone who complains about normal conversation on their online haunt or if you are accidentally hitting on something that's been asked one too many times before and they are just too "polite" to show their annoyance.

[Parrothead]

Ooh. Has it turned to mocking toward newbies? Okay, very uncool. The first pages were all things non-homeschoolers say to you... not people interested in homeschooling, just random people you deal with every day. I can see that newbie questions also get annoying, but someone shepherded us non-newbies through so I always try to remember that when people ask me things like that.

I don't know what it turned into. Admittedly, I didn't read past the first post because it just pissed me off so.

[Mommyfaithe]

:iagree:

 

The snarky things list are usually things that people think but never say (for the most part anyway). But if Newbies on this board are asking questions and then read snarky responses here then it is very rude and just plain unhelpful.

 

:iagree: I will answer the same question a million times if it is asked in earnestness. I love to help the newbie along...and I asked a million and 2 questions when I started homeschooling....heck, I still ask a million questions.

 

Faithe

[mrs.m]

I feel sorry for the innocent questioners and the kind people who are just trying to make conversation who get smart-@$$ answers to their questions.

 

.....

 

sarcasm on\ There is no such thing as a stupid question unless it asked by a non-homeschooler about homeschooling. /sarcasm off

 

:iagree:

 

I would discipline my kids if they responded to a complete stranger asking why they aren't in school in a manner that is disrespectful. It would make us sound anti-social. What's wrong with, "We homeschool and finished our work for the day." Or "We're just out and about today."? Most kids go to PS. They're just asking and more than likely not judging. I'm just surprised at the answers that some people will post and I honestly can't believe they would say such things to a complete stranger or a curious neighbor.

 

People make small talk. They ask questions because they are curious. More often than not it isn't meant to be judgemental. They just want to know about your life because it is interesting and different. And they often don't have the hs vocabulary to ask those questions without using terms that seem off to us. (ex. "Real School")

[msjones]

It doesn't matter what occupation you choose -- there is a set of FAQs and slightly irritating/rude remarks from strangers that go with it.

 

That's how people make conversation.

[leeannpal]

As much as I love the internet, there are some things I have learned online that I really wish I hadn't, and one of them is how many people are annoyed by pleasant, if inane, social chitchat. Obviously rudeness is always out of line, but I am never bothered in the slightest by friendly questions, and -- being a chatty sort -- I ask plenty of light but potentially irritating questions myself. ("Are you from around here? How old are your children? How do you like your neighborhood?") I mean, you knock off one conversational topic after another, and pretty soon we're all standing around awkwardly in total silence.

 

:iagree: Small talk and chit chat are not easy for everyone. People are naturally curious when you reveal and interesting fact that is out of the norm. Because homeschoolers have btdt, I think they sometimes assume everyone knows a lot about homeschooling. I am learning new things about homeschooling families every day.

[Avila]

I think the issue might be that some of us don't find the silence awkward. I am an introvert, and I don't have the natural inclination to fill every void with conversation. I enjoy conversation with people I know about things that interest me. But the idle chatter is awkward for me.

 

If someone is trying to be friendly, I try to recognize that and respond in kind. But I am sure my best effort will still look short to an extrovert who craves that kind of interaction. I guess I should try to be more aware of that.

 

As much as I love the internet, there are some things I have learned online that I really wish I hadn't, and one of them is how many people are annoyed by pleasant, if inane, social chitchat. Obviously rudeness is always out of line, but I am never bothered in the slightest by friendly questions, and -- being a chatty sort -- I ask plenty of light but potentially irritating questions myself. ("Are you from around here? How old are your children? How do you like your neighborhood?") I mean, you knock off one conversational topic after another, and pretty soon we're all standing around awkwardly in total silence.

[sparrow]

I am an introvert, and I don't have the natural inclination to fill every void with conversation.

 

:lol: I'm an introvert and I fill voids in conversation due to being nervous. I often end up saying too much, filling those voids, and opening myself up to more personal questions :glare:.

[LibraryLover]

I 100% get that some people don't like to chit chat at all, and just want to do their errands without having to make chit chat. I have no problem with that whatsoever, and I even get how difficult it must be.

 

The anger, the over-the-top shock some hsers display about idle chit chat is what blows me away. Some peole are cantakerous by nature, and I think message boards have a way of feeding that negative energy. Being an intorvert is one character trait, but being a Crabby Pattie is another. I think it's the crabbies and not the introverts who complain.

 

If I don't feel like chatting about hsing, but the checker at the market says, "I could never hs", why on earth would that anger me? If I didn't want to talk about it, I can simply laugh, "I don't even know how I do it some days (which is true)." Unless they are taking six years to ring up my stuff, I don't have to spend a lot of time stewing about how I love my kids but she must not since she said she could never hs. blah blah blah.

 

Further, I don't love hsing every moment of every day, nor do most people here. It's tough sometimes: I don't think it's easy. I don't think everyone can or should do it. I am not going to be sent into a tailspin and come home & turn a simple bit of small talk at the market or library into an internet diatribe about how stupid people are.

Edited August 21, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Word Nerd]

Some (not all or most) homeschoolers seem to look for ways to be offended and annoyed by others. If there's any way to interpret a comment—or even a look—as a personal slight or assign a negative intent to the speaker, then that's the interpretation they'll go with, no matter how mundane the comment.

 

ETA: I don't believe this only applies to homeschoolers.

Edited August 21, 2011 by WordGirl

[Mrs Mungo]

People make small talk. They ask questions because they are curious. More often than not it isn't meant to be judgemental. They just want to know about your life because it is interesting and different. And they often don't have the hs vocabulary to ask those questions without using terms that seem off to us. (ex. "Real School")

 

I don't think it is just homeschoolers who are guilty of this though. I think most people make small talk and a handful of people are regularly annoyed by it.

[teamturner]

I feel sorry for the innocent questioners and the kind people who are just trying to make conversation who get smart-@$$ answers to their questions.

 

People ask me often if the district gives me books or curriculum. I'd say 99% of the time when I say "no" they have a negative reaction to the schools! IOW, they can't believe the schools wouldn't help homeschoolers by providing the books. From their perspective, schools should help.

 

I'd say the average innocent questioner has limited experience with the minutia of homeschooling. Why should they?

 

I see it as similar to people asking my husband about his job. He doesn't get offended by the questions about what he does and his background and education.

 

When someone asks my kids why they aren't in school or some variation of that they usually answer, "We're done for the day" or "No school today" or "We homeschool". I just don't see the need for snarky answers.

 

sarcasm on\ There is no such thing as a stupid question unless it asked by a non-homeschooler about homeschooling. /sarcasm off

 

:iagree: In my 6 years of homeschooling, I can't remember rude questions from strangers or acquaintances. I think most are genuine questions or people just trying to be nice and ask about it like you would a job or background info when you are just meeting someone. Sometimes I can tell people are uncomfortable talking about it and I don't mind. It's just not their cup of tea. I get the same way when people start talking about sports. :tongue_smilie:

[Mommy22alyns]

I don't give snarky responses (even when they would be called for...), and I've never heard a homeschooler in real life be snarky to a questioner. I'm not at all sure that the threads are more than just venting.

 

 

This. That's how it is for me, anyway. I've never been anything but polite and kind to anyone who's ever asked me a thing about homeschooling. Everybody needs to vent sometimes.

[Janie Grace]

I 100% get that some people don't like to chit chat at all, and just want to do their errands without having to make chit chat. I have no problem with that whatsoever, and I even get how difficult it must be.

 

The anger, the over-the-top shock some hsers display about idle chit chat is what blows me away. Some peole are cantakerous by nature, and I think message boards have a way of feeding that negative energy. Being an intorvert is one character trait, but being a Crabby Pattie is another. I think it's the crabbies and not the introverts who complain.

 

If I don't feel like chatting about hsing, but the checker at the market says, "I could never hs", why on earth would that anger me? If I didn't want to talk about it, I can simply laugh, "I don't even know how I do it some days (which is true)." Unless they are taking six years to ring up my stuff, I don't have to spend a lot of time stewing about how I love my kids but she must not since she said she could never hs. blah blah blah.

 

Further, I don't love hsing every moment of every day, nor do most people here. It's tough sometimes: I don't think it's easy. I don't think everyone can or should do it. I am not going to be sent into a tailspin and come home & turn a simple bit of small talk at the market or library into an internet diatribe about how stupid people are.

 

:iagree: I didn't even open the other thread because this whole topic just bugs me. People are just trying to be conversational. I really don't think people wake up in the morning trying to figure out how to offend the homeschoolers they might meet. If they say something clueless, who cares? I am sure I say clueless things sometimes too. What's the alternative? A world where we just ignore each other and never attempt to connect on a human level with those around us? No thanks.

[MBM]

Genuine, snarky comments say a lot about the speaker. I'm too old to take it personally anymore. LOL.