My sister offered me money to put DS into "real" school...

[Stacie Leigh]

Oy. She's only 16 (almost 17) and I took a 30 minute tongue lashing from her today about how I'm ruining my oldest DS's life. She sincerely asked if she could give me her paychecks so that I could send DS to school. (We live in a notoriously bad school district so she didn't suggest public.) She said she now has stress acne from fretting over DS.

 

She is angry that we're hard on him and expect too much of him. She said that it's horrible that he's not allowed in the fridge or cupboards without permission, that he doesn't participate in team sports right now and most of all, that he's homeschooled. She says he's way too intelligent and social to be stuck inside with two parents that are way too hard on him every day.

 

It's hard because I agree that DH, in particular, is too hard on him, but I don't think that's a reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

 

It was also hard to take because I have 4 sisters and this one I was practically a mother to. I potty trained her, homeschooled her, did everything for her and she looks down on me so much now. I never would have guessed I'd reap such disdain in the end. If it was just the rantings of a 16 year old, it would be easier to blow it off, but I know she's just the only one brave enough to say what all my sisters talk about behind my back.

 

I'm very close with my family. My sisters spend a lot of time with my children and are around weekly at the minimum. When the kids stay with my parents, they sleep in my sisters' rooms and have gone to work with them, on trips, etc... so it's not like they don't know the kids well.

 

I've always been the type that was ok with doing the hard thing, but I'm also a typical firstborn... a pleaser. I hate flattery, but I want to know that I'm doing the right thing. I never knew how much family support would mean to me and how much I'd want to hear my parents and family say that I am doing a good job or the right thing. They seem to think that my kids were born wonderful and everything I do is screwing them up.

 

This is my life... my job. I put everything into my kids and it's very painful that the people closest to me see me as a failure.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Honestly, I think you need to stop spending time with them. You need people who build you up, not tear you down.

[LarlaB]

Sister or not, she's 16 and isn't mature enough to warrant a 'voice' in your life. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

Sweetie, you said it yourself. The rantings of a 16-year old. Blow her off and wait until she has her first. :grouphug:

[Impish]

She's 16.

 

"When you have your own children, you are free to screw them up however you please. These are my children, and my turn." :D

 

Never fails that the biggest parenting experts are the ones with no children. Same goes for marriage and singles.

[Stacie Leigh]

Honestly, I think you need to stop spending time with them. You need people who build you up, not tear you down.

 

I don't want to cut them off... They really do love the kids. They just took DS to the (expensive) nature camp where they work as counselors during the summer and they spend a lot of time doing things with them and even teaching them things.

 

I know I'd be vilified for all of eternity if I separated from them just because *I* couldn't handle some criticism and the kids would resent me in both the short term and the long run. I don't want them growing up without family surrounding them but I do feel undermined.

[Stacie Leigh]

It's true. I had lots of opinions at 16 that I now can laugh about. She just can't possibly understand.

 

Sweetie, you said it yourself. The rantings of a 16-year old. Blow her off and wait until she has her first. :grouphug:

 

She's 16.

 

"When you have your own children, you are free to screw them up however you please. These are my children, and my turn." :D

 

Never fails that the biggest parenting experts are the ones with no children. Same goes for marriage and singles.

 

I didn't let her know she got to me and when I hugged her good bye, I told her that I thought she might be able to understand better when she had her own kids and that I promised I was doing my best.

 

Like I said... I am certain her speech was made up of several conversations between my sisters and probably, my mom too.

[Impish]

I don't want to cut them off... They really do love the kids. They just took DS to the (expensive) nature camp where they work as counselors during the summer and they spend a lot of time doing things with them and even teaching them things.

 

I know I'd be vilified for all of eternity if I separated from them just because *I* couldn't handle some criticism and the kids would resent me in both the short term and the long run. I don't want them growing up without family surrounding them but I do feel undermined.

Here's the problem.

 

Kids don't need to be around ppl that tear their parents down, and treat them with disrespect.

 

You need to put some boundaries in place...your kids don't need to hear criticism of their parents.

[Mama Geek]

Your 16 yo sister is young and at a point where she thinks she knows it all. If the rest of your family feels the same way they are at least mature enough to keep it to themselves and not get overly emotional about it. I would show your sister some grace, but I would not in the future engage in conversations about homeschooling with her. I would also encourage your son not to engage in conversations about homeschooling with her. Hopefully she will grow up some and things will get better. A year away at college did wonder towards my attitude with my family.

[catz]

Never fails that the biggest parenting experts are the ones with no children. Same goes for marriage and singles.

 

:iagree: Truer words were never spoken. It's laughable that a 16 year old should declare she knows what's best for someone else's child. If she starts it again, I would throw it back in her face and tell her she should really work on her stress management skills if your parenting is stressing her out that much. Sounds like she could use a yoga class. I wouldn't let it go beyond one sentence. You should not have to tolerate being reprimanded by a "child" for 30 minutes! Yikes.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't want to cut them off... They really do love the kids. They just took DS to the (expensive) nature camp where they work as counselors during the summer and they spend a lot of time doing things with them and even teaching them things.

 

I know I'd be vilified for all of eternity if I separated from them just because *I* couldn't handle some criticism and the kids would resent me in both the short term and the long run. I don't want them growing up without family surrounding them but I do feel undermined.

 

To me, it would depend on if it was just you as an adult who is hearing the criticism or if your children are hearing it too even in subtle ways. All the expensive enrichment activities and family love would not be worth it to me if I were truly being undermined as a parent.

 

Now having said that, I do listen to close adults in my life who have honest concerns. I do think that my parents have a legitimate reason to be interested in what I do with my children. I've truly heard my ILs and my parent's concerns and have given them thought instead of just blowing them off. Where they've had legitimate concerns, I've made some changes in my parenting. Where their concerns have been well meaning but misguided I have tried to explain to them what we do and why. But ultimately my dh and I still have the final say (and the responsibility that goes with it), so that once I've given them a legitimate hearing, I've drawn boundaries and asked them to respect them.

[Stacie Leigh]

Your 16 yo sister is young and at a point where she thinks she knows it all. If the rest of your family feels the same way they are at least mature enough to keep it to themselves and not get overly emotional about it. I would show your sister some grace, but I would not in the future engage in conversations about homeschooling with her. I would also encourage your son not to engage in conversations about homeschooling with her. Hopefully she will grow up some and things will get better. A year away at college did wonder towards my attitude with my family.

 

 

It did wonders for my attitude toward my parents too, lol!! She caught me in front of my other sisters today and in a situation (car) where I couldn't get away and she would.not.let.it.go. and my other sisters, while quieter, were mainly in agreement.

 

I did give her grace which is why I didn't fight with her or argue. Just reassured her that I was doing my best and that I needed to make the decisions since I'm the mom.

 

I'm just venting here because it stung more than I expected.

[Mama Geek]

You said that you homeschooled her, I am assuming that she has some serious resentment towards that just by your conversation.

 

It took me a while to get over being afraid of messing up my own kids. My mom was a single parent from the time I was about 13. I spent a lot of time being responsible for my brother who is about 7 years younger than me. He has had a lot of really major screw ups. How much of it is because of having a 13-18 yo caretaker I don't know, but it did greatly affect me for a long time.

[ChristusG]

When I was 16, I knew that I'd never homeschool my kids...I'd been around homeschooling because my mom homeschooled my middle sister through her high school years and my youngest sister for all of her school years (she's a senior this year).

 

Then I grew up. :D

 

I had my own kids, realized the depth of my love for them, and knew that I could never send them off all day long to be raised and taught by strangers.

[Night Elf]

It did wonders for my attitude toward my parents too, lol!! She caught me in front of my other sisters today and in a situation (car) where I couldn't get away and she would.not.let.it.go. and my other sisters, while quieter, were mainly in agreement.

 

You have more grace than I do! :tongue_smilie: If I was the one driving, I would have pulled into a parking lot and refused to move the car until she stopped snapping at me. If I wasn't the one driving, I would start singing loudly, something like Amazing Grace.

 

I'm the youngest one in my family. Can you tell? :)

 

Do you think your other sisters put her up to it? If you're really close, I would honestly call her and tell her that she hurt your feelings tremendously even though what she was saying was very well intentioned. However, it is simply not her place to judge your parenting and she should be as mature as the rest of your sisters in keeping opinions to herself. It may be kind of harsh, but I think it's a lesson that someone needs to give to her. Sometimes, keeping silent is the best thing, but if she is the kind of person who knows you won't say anything mean, she will continue to talk to you like that. Your best course is to speak up for yourself and put her in her place.

 

I seriously hope that no one is sharing those opinions with your children directly, or even in the same room where they can overhear. Children are more observant than some adults are willing to understand. And then a child can start blaming himself for the bad feelings. I know this first hand.

[Tarreymere]

Sister or not, she's 16 and isn't mature enough to warrant a 'voice' in your life. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

If she is no longer homeschooled and is a student in public school, she is at an age where in public school it is very important to be just like everyone else and to be 'cool' or whatever the word is for cool these days. Being homeschooled means that your dc will NOT be just like everyone else and will NOT be 'cool' by those standards, and maybe she is at a place in her own life where she feels this is a disadvantage. However, from your vantage point you can clearly see that these things are not the disadvantage they may seem to be to a teen girl. I doubt she will understand until she is no longer immersed in that culture and better able to gain a more balanced perspective.

Edited July 31, 2011 by Rainefox

[Susan in TN]

What is that quote? Something about the fact that when you turn 16 you realize what complete idiots your parents are, and then when you turn 21 they suddenly find some intelligence?

 

You're doing fine. And in a few years she'll get that.

[eternalknot]

:grouphug: You're not a failure in her eyes, she just can't see past her own black/white thinking on the subject. It's hard for a lot of people to. It sounds like she comes from a place of extreme love, and while that doesn't make it any easier for you to hear I hope that it will make it easier for you to open up to her about how her "help" and "love" are affecting you emotionally.

 

I bet it doesn't even register (to her) that she's being anything more than helpful. Based on your description of her it sounds like she is very linear - she sees a problem (and it isn't you) and has the solution to fix it. I wonder if the problem she sees is that you are homeschooling by default since you live in an area with poor public schools ... moreso than she sees the problem as being you're homeschooling. It seems she just diagrees with your parenting philosophy, of which homeschooling is a part.

 

I have a 19 year old sister; like you, I was a second mother to this one. I still am, in many regards. She's a smart girl, but she's also at that stage in her life where everything is black/white and she doesn't have the life experiences to understand (and trust) things off the beaten path. She doesn't take issue so much with our homeschooling, but there are other things that she's quite vocal about sharing her opinion! I love her dearly, and I know she is coming from a place of super love for me and my kids. Still. She's a childless 19 year old and I'm her grown sister; that doesn't make me infalliable, but it gives me rank to make decisions that won't always be popular with the fam ;)

 

I think she needs a good heart to heart. Can you take her out on a date, or weekend getaway? Just the two of you. Communicate how much you love her, respect her, and know that it's all flowing both ways. Let her know you are glad to be part of a family that will risk a relationship (hers and yours) to do what they think is in the best interest of a child (yours), and that you've taken her concerns (not her offer for help) to heart. Because maybe she's right about some of it, you know? And maybe some of it is worth you and your husband considering within the parameters of maintaining a homeschool. Then firmly but lovingly let her know that you're learning as you go, in parenting and in educating, and that you welcome her concerns once and once only, if unsolicited. She's made you aware of her opinion, and you'll take it under account but you can't have her undermining you in front of your kids/husband. Confess that you are hurt to think everyone in the family is taking about this, and that you feel they don't trust you to do right by your kids. Be honest, but assertive.

 

I wouldn't automatically dismiss her, or her concerns just because she's 16 or because she has no children. Tell her what you don't need (tuition money) but also what you DO need (support, homeschool help, whatever). Leave the ball in her court as to whether she can do that, or if she needs to not bring up the subject with you until she can help in the way you need her to.

 

And again ... :grouphug: it's hard to be criticized, but it's especially hard when we care so much about the person it's coming from. Close families can be so hard sometimes. I know.

[jennynd]

you have a sister truely care about u. u are a lucky girl

[Tree House Academy]

I remember knowing everything at 16 too. Then I grew up. I would take it with a grain of salt.

[Carpe]

When I was 16 (through 26) I knew I wasn't getting married. :D

 

When I was 16 I knew I was going to be single, and live in a contemporary minimalistic condo downtown. I'd have a maid I never saw and two rottweilers.

 

Somehow I ended up married, in a cluttered townhouse in the 'burbs. I am the maid and thank goodness we don't have any dogs.

 

OP, I wouldn't take it too personally, but I would make sure they are not saying these things in front of your kids.

[love2read]

She's 16. A few of my kids at that age thought I was ruining their lives by homeschooling them. When she's 18 she'll get it. For now tell her she's a wonderfully loving aunt and that she'll get it in a few years and then don't let her alone with your kids until she looses the negativity about hsing.

[Impish]

Absolutely. I became totally stupid about kids after actually having them. :lol:

:lol:

Wolf's aunt (MIL's SIL) told me that before MIL adopted Wolf, she was the EXPERT on parenting. After she adopted Wolf, suddenly she wasn't such an expert anymore! :lol:

[SweetBean]

She's 16.

 

"When you have your own children, you are free to screw them up however you please. These are my children, and my turn." :D

 

Never fails that the biggest parenting experts are the ones with no children. Same goes for marriage and singles.

 

:hurray:

[melissel]

I potty trained her, homeschooled her, did everything for her and she looks down on me so much now. I never would have guessed I'd reap such disdain in the end.

 

Isn't this the definition of parenting teenagers?

 

:grouphug: I know it stings. You're a better woman than I--I would not have sat there in the car and taken that carp from a teenager. I wouldn't have taken it from my mother, and I know she'd give her own organs to my children if they needed them.

 

I agree that you gave her plenty of grace, but I wouldn't entertain any such discussion in the future. I'm with the poster who said that she wouldn't let it get beyond a sentence. You sister is sweet for caring, but she needs to have a line drawn, and drawn firmly, for her.

 

(And I would talk to my DH if I wasn't on board with his style of discipline, because I don't allow anyone to be what I consider to be "too hard" on my children--not even him. But that's another post entirely!)

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I certainly wish that I had had the forthought to write it all down when I was 16 and knew it all.

 

Tell her to take good notes so she can be the perfect mom when SHE has kids. :glare:

 

I don't think this is TRUE disdain. She will see the error of her ways/thought processes when she is older. :grouphug:

 

She has stress acne from you homeschooling your DS? Gimme a BREAK!!

[dirty ethel rackham]

You're such a sweetheart, but you need to set some boundaries. Lay the ground rules about how you will discuss your parenting. If they cannot be respectful, then you don't discuss it. It does not necessarily mean that you cut off contact, but if your family will not respect the boundaries, then you may need to spend less time with them. Please check out Joanne's "bean dip" article. Also do a board search on boundaries. If people are going to give you a tongue lashing, you do not need to take it. You need to cut them off, politely at first, but firmly. If she were in my car, I would have asked her to get out at the next stoplight. She was behaving like a mouthy teen and mouthy teens don't get rides from me.

[cloversandlions]

My (younger) sister is more than twice your sister's age, and she gives me grief, too. And -yep- she does not, and will not, have children. She also thought I should wean my kids early, that the family bed was a horrible idea, etc.

 

Most recently, she had steered the conversation into one on the problems and risks with homeschooling, and I just said something like, "Ya know, sis, I appreciate that you have a right to your opinion, and I know that you love my kids. However, I'm the one who has done the research, and dh and I are the ones who are in a position to decide whether it's right for our children, so...I love you, but this topic is not up for discussion anymore. Thanks for understanding."

 

She immediately apologized, saying that she didn't mean to second-guess me, and then, once she said the "but", I interrupted her and said that it would be better if she stopped before the but. :)

 

Your sister is young. My friend once said (about politics, but I think it's more general than that) that children leave the party of their parents, and eventually come back to it on their own, after they've had some life experiences.

 

That's not always true, of course, but I think this is one of those situations where, as a PP said, she's rebelling against something WRT the homeschooling (in her own life?), and I think it might at least be worth an effort to gently say that it's not a topic that's up for discussion.

 

OTOH, if that doesn't work, there's always the other suggestion from some of the previous posters: "When you have your own children, you are free to screw them up however you please. These are my children, and this time, it's my turn." :)

[Aubrey]

Can you all imagine giving your paychecks to a sib for her kids to go to school when you were 16? No wonder her words stung--they were so generous & sincere & *undermining* all at the same time. ((Stacie))

 

PP suggested talking to her--I think you need to talk to *all* of your sisters w/out the kids around & make sure they understand how this talk makes you feel & how important it is for you all to support ea other AND EA OTHERS' DECISIONS.

 

Based on what you've described of your relationships, this should be totally possible & should contribute to a healthier dynamic in the long run.

 

(Just out of curiosity, does your sis resent your hs'ing her?)

 

If nothing else, she needs to learn how to not own other people's problems. And really, she sounds generous & mature enough to understand if you'll talk to her about it. :001_smile: I *hope* I'm right. ;)

[cathmom]

My sisters are all older than me, but they were very involved in my oldest's life (none have dc of their own) and did not respect me as his mother. How did dh and I deal with it? We moved a day's drive away. It was the only way we could be our own family. One of my sisters was so angry at me she wrote a letter to my dh explaining her anger and saying she didn't know if she could ever speak to me again for planning to move away. She didn't speak to me for over a year, I think. My father kept trying to explain to her that you do not stay close to the child by pushing away the parent - she wasn't his mom, I was. Her only choice was to be involved in his life on my terms or not be involved in his life.

 

I think it sounds like you need to do a little disentangling. :grouphug:

[WeeBeaks]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry you are going through this.

 

I thought I knew all about parenting too ... right up to the point I had kids. :D

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Here's the problem.

 

Kids don't need to be around ppl that tear their parents down, and treat them with disrespect.

 

You need to put some boundaries in place...your kids don't need to hear criticism of their parents.

 

This!!!

 

I just couldn't put up with this on a regular basis, and the amount of time it sounds like you and your kids spend with them seems like it would be too "regular" of a basis. At the very least, you may want to cut back, for your own peace of mind.

[Daisy]

It's true. I had lots of opinions at 16 that I now can laugh about. She just can't possibly understand.

 

EXACTLY. As a matter of fact, I remember being very vocal about how I was NEVER going to send my kids to private school (I'd attended all my life). LOL. Things change. We grow up.

 

I'd tell her to keep her opinions to herself. She can raise her own children any way she likes.

[annandatje]

Why are a teen's concerns so easily dismissed even with such an ungracious delivery?

 

As for the homeschooling and sports conerns, let it roll off your back and try to consider that she did not intend to undermine your work with your children. At a later time when both of you have cooled off, explain that you are doing what you feel is best for your children, and she will need to accept that because it will no longer be open for discussion.

 

What stands out to me is that both the sister and the original poster feel the father is too "hard" on the son.

[Mama Geek]

Why are a teen's concerns so easily dismissed even with such an ungracious delivery?

Maybe because some of us either have teens or remember being teens.;) Homeschooling is not going to ruin the OP's children if due dilligence (sp) is applied. Having high expectations will not ruin the children either.

 

 

As for the homeschooling and sports conerns, let it roll off your back and try to consider that she did not intend to undermine your work with your children. At a later time when both of you have cooled off, explain that you are doing what you feel is best for your children, and she will need to accept that because it will no longer be open for discussion.

 

What stands out to me is that both the sister and the original poster feel the father is too "hard" on the son.

 

The father being too hard on the son is independent of the homeschooling issue.

 

A lot of us have had meddling family members and we are just trying to encourage the OP to draw some boundaries while keeping in mind that her sister is just 16 years old.

[Haiku]

Four words: My kids, my decisions.

 

If your younger sister can't talk to you about her concerns without giving you a "tongue lashing," then she needs to keep her tongue firmly in her mouth. If she wants to respectfully present her concerns, I'd listen, but I'd still end with "My kids, my decisions." She can correct all your mistakes when she has her own kids.

 

I put everything into my kids and it's very painful that the people closest to me see me as a failure.

 

Honestly, she's 16. Don't take it too seriously. My dd17 thinks she has it all figured out, too. I laugh inwardly when she explains to me how I'm doing things all wrong, and I tell her that when she has her own kids, she can correct all the mistakes we made ... and that her kids can correct all the mistakes she makes with their kids.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

Why are a teen's concerns so easily dismissed even with such an ungracious delivery?

 

 

Because few people are in a position to tell parents how best to raise their children. I'd be as dismissive of any other family member who didn't have kids and had rather specious concerns. I'd be dismissive of family members with kids who had rather specious concerns.

 

Tara

[sassyscrapperinid]

Here's the problem.

 

Kids don't need to be around ppl that tear their parents down, and treat them with disrespect.

 

You need to put some boundaries in place...your kids don't need to hear criticism of their parents.

 

:iagree:

[StephanieZ]

Boundaries . . . You need to build some better boundaries. For sure! It'll make your life so much more peaceful, and it will ultimately improve ALL your relationships, truly.

[WishboneDawn]

It did wonders for my attitude toward my parents too, lol!! She caught me in front of my other sisters today and in a situation (car) where I couldn't get away and she would.not.let.it.go. and my other sisters, while quieter, were mainly in agreement.

 

I did give her grace which is why I didn't fight with her or argue. Just reassured her that I was doing my best and that I needed to make the decisions since I'm the mom.

 

I'm just venting here because it stung more than I expected.

 

Maybe because some of it hit home? You said you agree that your husband was too strict so maybe she had a valid point or two.

 

I think maybe you need a chat with the other sisters though. Sure, they disagree with your decision but they should NOT be standing by while she tears a strip off you. If they've decided not to confront you, that's good but to stand there and let you get chewed out by a teenager? Not good.

 

If they've decided not to broach the subject then they shouldn't be willing to let a child do it for them in an inappropriate and hurtful way. They SHOULD be taking her aside and having a chat with her about treating you with some respect and talking about the issues in a meaningful way.

 

I suspect what really hurt was the fact that she hit one on one or two of her points and that your sisters stood by and let her go at you. Those might be the two things to deal with.

[gardenmom5]

She's 16. Sixteen year olds are notorious for knowing all the answers to life's questions. She'll forget them all by the time she's 30.

 

This obnoxiousness will pass. I speak from experience, I have adult children.

[gardenmom5]

, I would throw it back in her face and tell her she should really work on her stress management skills if your parenting is stressing her out that much. Sounds like she could use a yoga class.

.

 

:iagree::lol:

[gardenmom5]

I seriously hope that no one is sharing those opinions with your children directly, or even in the same room where they can overhear. Children are more observant than some adults are willing to understand. And then a child can start blaming himself for the bad feelings. I know this first hand.

 

even if they are not directly "sharing" their opinions, if the child is sharing some exciting homeschool news/accomplishment - their reaction can speak volumes about their opinion of homeschooling and the children's education. children pick up on those vibes that are directly aimed at them. They'll pick up on them, and not want to be around that person - so if your sister can't keep her opinion's to herself, the relationships she'll hurt most will be the one's with your kids because they will back off being around her.

Edited July 31, 2011 by gardenmom5

[Nakia]

Boundaries . . . You need to build some better boundaries. For sure! It'll make your life so much more peaceful, and it will ultimately improve ALL your relationships, truly.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Do it now before she starts telling your kids what a mess you are making of their lives. And she will. She obviously has no filters.

 

:grouphug:

[Emmy]

It sounds to me like she is enjoying being the outspoken "I'll put it out there because no one else will" person in your family. I was a bit like that as a teenager - always willing to say what everybody was thinking but nobody would verbalize. It's pretty obnoxious. I totally understand the idea of wanting people to think I'm doing a good job or the right thing - particularly when it comes to something I'm really pouring my efforts into. It's hard; try not to dwell on it and come up with a firm statement that shuts the conversation down the next time it comes up.

[Jennifer3141]

I'm missing something about the family dynamics here. Why did you "practically raise" your sister? Why didn't your MOTHER and/or FATHER do that?

 

That alone tells me all I'd need to know about parenting in your family and I wouldn't much care what they thought of my parenting/homeschooling.

[Tammyla]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Boundaries . . . You need to build some better boundaries. For sure! It'll make your life so much more peaceful, and it will ultimately improve ALL your relationships, truly.

 

:iagree:

 

Do it now before she starts telling your kids what a mess you are making of their lives. And she will. She obviously has no filters.

 

:grouphug:

[FO4UR]

She says he's way too intelligent and social to be stuck inside with two parents that are way too hard on him every day.

 

 

 

 

So..it hasn't dawned on her that perhaps he's so intelligent and social AS A RESULT OF being stuck with TWO PARENTS WHO CARE ENOUGH TO BE HARD ON HIM!!!

 

 

There are probably things that you and your dh can do better (can't we all!?!), but that's between you and your dh. You share the responsibility of raising your dc. No one else does.

 

:grouphug: You are going to have to draw some healthy boundaries with your sisters if you want these relationships to continue...if you don't, these things will get to the point where you simply can't go there.

[Anne in CA]

I thought about this post over night. As someone who raised a younger sibling while my poor mother worked herself to death to take care of us I gave up a big piece of my childhood for my younger brother who gives me plenty of respect now. He says my love is one of the most important things in his life and even though my mother joined a group of people that does not agree with home schooling, he chooses me and not her crazy views, although he shared them to a degree. Since he was raised by public school when I didn't take care of him he loves it. Loyalty is possible for a 16yo and she is giving hers to your mother and sisters.

 

You need to talk to your mother and sisters about this, because they are the ones causing your sister stress. Their opinions are their own, and since they were fine with you parenting her, they better be fine with how you parent your own kids. I don't let my own kids tear the kitchen apart looking for food either. They have to ask for things, food is too expensive to waste. That is good training and not abuse. If this is being "too hard" on your ds I am concearned. My sister doesn't agree with lots of my parenting decisions but now that she is getting older she is mellowing. I don't take less than complete respect on some subjects and she knows it.

[cin]

Absolutely. I became totally stupid about kids after actually having them. :lol:

 

:iagree:

 

Stupid but wise.