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sassyscrapperinid

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Everything posted by sassyscrapperinid

  1. I babysit about 35 hours a week in my home. I can still homeschool and I also take classes at the local community college online. To me, it's easy work. Im not getting rich or anything but for what I do, it's ok.
  2. Me either... I understand someone being concerned about something like that, but in my opinion, unless the children are showing signs of physical abuse, I feel it isn't appropriate to get involved. I would perhaps maybe invite the family to participate in some kind of weekly learning day as has been previously mentioned by other posters. It kind of irritates me that people feel the need to over rule what other parents believe is best for their family. It's true, those kids will need some sort of education to survive in the world. I mean, even if they only work fast food or walmart, they have to know how to count money, etc. From personal experience, some old neighbors (teamed up with a disgruntled adopted child) decided to file false allegations against my husband and I for educational neglect and a whole bunch of other lies in an attempt to gain my children as foster children and make money. The CPS agent that came over asked to see proof that we are homeschooling in the form of curriculum that I have. I pulled it all out- 3 stacks 3 feet high of workbooks and other textbooks. Then they went down stairs and saw our education room with maps, computers, etc. She laughed and said there is no doubt that there is no basis for the accusation. Now, I have 5 adopted RAD kids and 4 other children. I have unschooled most of their lives and wish I had been able to pull myself out of the severe depression I was in to do something different, but I also have learned a lot since then. Over the years, I actually only had one other homeschooling mom make a comment about the way my children learned. However, are my children "up to grade level"? Probably not. In fact, I'm sure they're not. Im sure what we do is vastly different than most homeschoolers. I have spent hours and hours preparing schoolwork for my children, only to have my RAD kids flat refuse to do it. They sit there and stare into space and/or draw on the worksheets. So they have had to learn what they need in real life. My other children however have their GED and are attending college. One of which is only 16. They also have access to everything they need to gain "book smarts" in my house. They wouldnt even have to go to the library if they didnt want to. I think the bottom line is that there is more than one way to learn and at some point children have to take responsibility for their education. If those teens don't know how to read, my question would be to those teens, "would you like to learn to read?" And if they dont, then my next question is why not? I think the teens should understand that they will need to support themselves one day and they will need a way to do that. To the OP: Are you close enough to the family that you could ask the parents how they are preparing the teens for the world? It's a shame that people have to judge based on the little bit of knowledge they have.
  3. I would agree that SOME foster care homes are probably better than the Williams home. However, with my adopted son, he was not molested prior to foster care so.... See, my 5 adopted children were separated and placed into 3 foster homes. Only one of those was a descent home. The degrees I think is something thats not even considered. Sometimes what is abuse and whats not is obvious. Is a child really starving after having breakfast, lunch and snacks, but is sent to bed without dinner? And as far as fasting goes, I doubt a child really grips the idea of skipping a meal making you "closer to god". I dont doubt that it may be healthy for your GI to skip a meal once in a while, all the more making the question of is a skipped meal abusive? I still say no.
  4. I started a granny square blanket once. I liked doing it but then I got a little grumbly about having to sew all those squares together and stopped. Here is a pattern that I love and is super easy!! http://www.lionbrand.com/patterns/90317.html?noImages= It works up quickly and its cute. Its fun to see what kind of color combinations you can come up with. Have fun! :001_smile:
  5. Yeah, I remember saying to my husband before we got them that we had enough love to go around. LOL And I had never even heard of RAD. I just think it would have been nice to know ahead of time. It's not like real life, but it would have been nice to know.
  6. Thanks Denise.... and yeah I didnt even mention the other ways bio kids are effected aside from possible physical abuse. Its just a sad situation all around. But thanks. Hope things are going better for you and your family. :001_smile:
  7. thank you so much for saying this. I appreciate you pointing out these things about RAD children. And yes, it can occur in infants too. We adopted a sibling group of 5, all RAD effected. The youngest was 10 months when we got him. We thought the neglect they suffered wouldnt effect him. Wow, were we surprised and sadly so. Alot of people try to compare non RAD kids to RAD kids. You really just cant. The is no comparison, and because of the drastic differences in behavior and emotions, you cant know what its like to try and parent a RAD child if you never had. My husband and I have had SO many people look at our RAD effected children and say how they cant believe that child would cause an ounce of trouble. They are THAT different around other people. And they do target the mom. My own husband doubted the things I woukd tell him went on while he was at work. It wasnt until he was unemployed for almost 3 years that he realized. Once We went to our "religious leader" for advice, and he really could not even fathom the behavior we were describing because it is that much different. But really thats not the point of this thread. What happened to that girl is horrific and certainly, Denise is not saying that Hana had RAD and deserved whatever punishment she got. I'm definitely not saying that either.
  8. No, we dont know if Hana had RAD, and I dont think Denise was trying to say that Hana was pretending to be cold either... It's a lack of common sense that does the human race in every time.
  9. Thanks. I do realize that trouble doesnt only emerge from children in foster care. I just thought it was EXTREMELY ironic for someone to say they hoped a child would learn healthy familial habits while in foster care. Im so sorry about what happened with your niece! Thats just horrible! This may sound ignorant of me but I never considered sending a child to bed without supper occasionally something that could potentially turn food into a weapon, but I can see after you said that how if that is true, it could be the foundation for an unhealthy relationship with food. There are alot of obese people in this world though, and I doubt it's because they all had to skip a meal as a punishment when they were young. What my point was about that though, is that it isnt abusive for a child to miss a meal occasionally. And then I wanted to ask too, is that we used to attend a church where fasting for a day once a month was expected... Not the young kids but certainly the 8 and over crowd were expected to be encouraged to fast if not at least to fast one of the meals for that day. Like I said, we used to attend, but dont anymore- but not because of the fasting thing. The arguement there might be because its a choice to fast. Looking back on it now, we never really asked the kids if they wanted to, we just did it. So, would fasting be another foundation for an unhealthy relationship with food? However, I totally agree with you about the refusal to eat situation. Again, all I was saying is that a child skipping a meal is not abuse. However, starving a child to where they have lost 30 pounds is abuse/severe neglect! Its just obviously not the same thing.
  10. I definitely agree here- I believe that specialized RAD training/education should be REQUIRED for any foster/adoptive parent. It would have been wonderful to have had a SW come by to visit just to be able to get ideas from.
  11. Ummmm.. Wow- I certainly do not agree with or condone the behavior of the Pearls or the Williams, but being an adoptive parent, having had to deal with one of my adopted boys who was 15 when we FOUND OUT he had been molesting my then 5 year old daughter- I definitely agree that adopted children should not be the same age as your bio children. Am I just misunderstanding whats being said here, that the idea of protecting your own children against potential sexual abusers is wrong??? Is it just because Michael Pearl said it? I mean, I really hope I am just misunderstanding because certainly the people here wouldnt think protecting your bio children from sexual abuse at the hands of adopted children is wrong?? When we found out, we sent him to live with my husbands mother thinking she would help him. HA! We should have sent him to jail because right now he lives free from remorse, free from guilt, free from a lick of sense and gets to have facebook and a cell phone and whatever else, while my daughter deals with the struggles of being a survivor of child molestation at the hands of her "brother". Hana was obviously horribly abused. The woman who adopted her is a horrific person. I am sure however that Carri is not the ony woman out there who regretted adopting.... Regretting adoption, sending a child to bed without supper when they have had 2 other meals that day, which are definitley NOT the same as what Carri did, are also NOT abusive behaviors. There is no arguement to me that Carri is the embodiment of evil, ofcourse she is, but does regretting adoption make you evil or a child abuser? No. And if anyone here is considering adoption without thinking more than twice about the potential abuse their own bio kids will have to endure at the hands of the adopted kids- then you might want to think again. Dont be that naive. And the one comment a PP made about how she hoped the Williams bio kids will learn better about how a family is supposed to be in foster care... Where do you think my adopted son learned that sexual behavior?? FROM BEING MOLESTED IN FOSTER CARE.
  12. We do not do the flu shots, or any others besides tetanus when needed. Im sure there are studies for and against it, but really all the reason I need is that I know my mom gets a flu shot faithfully every year and she is sick ALL THE TIME. So, no, we dont. :001_smile:
  13. I have these and like them quite a bit. If you have specific questions, feel free to PM me. :001_smile:
  14. Yes! This is definitely possible. I have lost 25 pounds since the first week of July and I am SO thrilled. I havent made my doctor very happy because my caloric intake is between 500-700 a day. I also dont eat sugar (much) or things that turn to sugar (pasta, rice, potatoes, bread, etc.) because Im a diabetic. I also drink a ton of water and try to walk 30 minutes or more a day, but have been slacking on the exercise the past couple weeks. I hope to reach my goal weight by December and at that time will probably up the calories to maybe 800-1000 a day. I imagine that I will up the exercise a heck of a lot more when I do this. My phone has a weight loss app on it that tracks my exercise and it says that 30 minutes of walking burns 200 or 300 calories. I sure hope thats right but it really puts a perspective on exercise and how a little really does help. Good luck!!! :001_smile:
  15. I have wanted to but didnt. I put a hoodie on instead but my fingers froze though! :001_smile:
  16. I agree!!! This sounds like great fun! I try to have a Star Wars day in May to celebrate Star Wars and I would love to hear your plans and how it went. :bigear: Thanks!
  17. :iagree: Im so glad you said that. :iagree: It is terrible for their ADOPTIVE families and for the ADOPTEE as well.... Well then I suppose the County of San Bernardino in California is NOT a reputable agency because the first time I heard the acronym RAD was about 3 years ago- and I adopted my kids 13 years ago!!! And :iagree:as far as fantasy thinking... man- they saw me coming from a mile away. Yep, I totally can relate here.... I am thankful it hasnt come to attempted murder in our situation, but two of my bio children have been sexually assaulted- and the effects for my bio children of not having the opportunity to grow up in a house with peace and security, well, thats another story. I just want to say too as calmly as I can- I know my kids birth mom- very well in fact. She is my sister in law- which is a whole other thread. We are talking about a woman who decided at 15 to have as many babies as possible because it would be fun and you get free money from the state. We are talking about a woman who used abortion as a form of birth control. I have never heard of so many condoms breaking -EVER! I mean, every time she got pregnant it was because the condom broke. And Im sorry for offending all the ever so loving birth moms out there, but in my situation, my kids birth mom IS the egg donor. I have been called everything in the book by her and my in laws from a c***, a wh***, a b**** and thats just the stuff they posted on my husbands facebook a couple weeks ago. We finally had to block them. They also like to say how I "stole" the kids from her. And she has really had visitation all these years which we ofcourse have been denying her even though the adoption was finalized all those years ago with NO stipulations on it anywhere for her or any of the fathers. We have shown these docs to my in laws and my kids so they would know the truth, but the in laws and my oldest adopted child who was 12 years old when we adopted has decided we have been lying to her all these years. She was there- she knows but chooses to ignore it and believe lies! These people were not willing to help when CPS was searching for other relatives willing to adopt these kids. They were asked and they declined to take on the task because they saw a sucker ready to do it for them! These are the same people who sat back less than a year after my husband and I were married and watched as I took in these 5 little children when no one else would and yet 13 years later they still have an ax to grind?!?!? Nevermind what my family has been through!! Heck, we couldnt even get my husbands other sister to watch 2 of the 5 kids for a weekend so my husband and I could have some recovery after we were manipulated by the county to take them in. I say this because not one worker even said anything that came close to "the kids may have behavioral problems" let alone RAD! We called them to ask for help about 2 months into it because we noticed that something was not right, they sent us to a class on how to do time outs!! So, Im sorry. Im sure I will be blasted or maybe this will even be deleted as my opinion isnt the "civilized" opinion but geez! Thats almost like saying that all birth mothers get pregnant and give the child up for adoption because thats what they are "called to do". They know there are adoptive families out there so they get pregnant just to give their child away. And please do not mention surrogates because thats a whole other thing. And then they take excellent care of themselves and are model citizens instead of the cold hard fact that is that ALOT (sorry I dont have numbers here) of these women are not the ones who take excellent care of themselves and love their babies more than life itself and thats why they give their babies away. Its all out of love and that they think of their kids everyday. Yeah right. Thats not the majority of cases. I have sat back and watched my adopted kids go through hell trying to figure out why their "birth mother" shocked the heck out of everyone in the courtroom and gave them away after completing all the reunification requirements!! And she didnt give it another thought when she wound up pregnant again 2 years ago and decided to keep that child. One of my adopted kids wants to know what she did that was so horrible that her "birth mother" didnt want her. What is wrong with her that her "birth mother" can raise this new child but couldnt have cared less about her? There is nothing that she did to deserve it, but it happened none the less. Im sure they all want to know why. And then throw in all the wonderful effects of RAD on the adoptive families. Like I said, compared to someone being dead, I guess we are lucky. Not to say I havent gone to bed scared that we wouldnt make it through the night or that one or more of my bio children would be murdered in their sleep due to jealousy issues. Anyways- Im sorry this is so long, but my family and I have sacrificed SO MUCH and been through hell that to read how the birth mothers are making all the sacrifices was very hard on my eyes.
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