Talking to our parents

[Night Elf]

We once talked about how we hope our children will include us in their lives when they are adults. This made me wonder about simple talking, not just traditions of whatever kind.

 

How often do you talk to your parent(s), like just to talk? I have to confess DH and I only talk to our moms (both our dads are deceased) every few weeks. That doesn't seem to be alot when I really think about it. I'm going to call my mom today and tell her I love her. :)

[Impish]

It really depends on whats going on.

 

My Dad has turned into a huge support for me. We both are dealing w/disabling chronic pain issues, so we 'get' each other in ways others can't.

 

My mom and I...well, its improved dramatically.

 

I probably don't talk to them weekly, but when we do talk, its at least an hour. Then there are other times that we talk several times a week to several times a day. They're traveling right now, so we email.

 

As far as MIL goes, Wolf talks to her weekly. I try not to talk to her more than once a month.

[Starr]

I think about being an adult child roll model and I don't do very well. There are reasons we are not very good about calling our parents but I'm not sure how much background matters to our dc. I keep thinking they would learn a lot from us if we called home every week.

[The Girls' Mom]

Well, my dh talks to his mom and dad almost daily, which I think is great.

 

I only have one parent left (out of 3 really, since my step-dad raised me while my dad did not) which is my biological father. I only talk to him a few times a year. If my mother were still alive I think I would talk to her frequently.

 

I hope my girls continue to talk to me when they are grown.

[anissa]

I talk to my mom all the time, and dad occasionally. We like to just chat. I know I am very fortunate. This was modeled for me as I saw my mom and grandma as friends.

[eternalknot]

I talk with my parents several times throughout each day - by phone and text. I keep two rooms at their home, but I also have a home of my own just a blocks away. We choose to spend most of our week at their home, with them.

 

When we were active duty military and moving around a lot, I'd still speak to my parents almost daily. We blew through a lot of money on international phone cards, but my husband -love him- never complained. It was just understood that I thrive from very frequent contact with my family.

 

My youngest sister is away at college. She calls our parents every other day, and emails a few times weekly. It's tied to her rituals (always calls when walking to work, for example) whereas I'm just a chatty person and call my parents whenever something pops into my head LOL.

[Melinda]

I call my mom every day during the week to chat, but I typically do not call on the weekends. Have done this ever since my first child was born. Now that my dad is gone (died almost 2 years ago) the conversations tend to be longer.

[meggie]

My mom and I usually talk every few days for about an hour. Although after she left (she had been here for two months), we've only talked once for that long. Also I got texting on my phone, so we've done more of that. Plus, now with three children, I just feel so busy! It's harder to fit those long conversations in.

 

I don't talk to my dad at all.

 

DH calls his parents every Sunday. I usually listen while he's on speaker phone, but don't often talk. Again, too busy. But occasionally I will.

[arghmatey]

I speak with my mother every day, and we also email and text throughout the day. My daughters love their daily minute-long conversations with her.

 

I also make it a point to speak with my XMIL about once a week. She is lovely and also speaks with my daughters.

 

XDH does not speak with his mother.

 

SO and his mother speak once or twice a week.

[Karen in CO]

When my mom isn't here (she lives here half the year), I talk to her two or three time a week. It has been a few years since I spoke to my dad although I am planning to visit this year.

[*********]

This thread has prompted me to text my parents, just to check in. So thanks, OP.

[Parrothead]

I can't chat with my mom.

[Crissy]

How often do you talk to your parent(s), like just to talk?

 

For most of my adult life I talked to my mom every day. Sometimes twice a day. There was a period during her long illness that I was angry with some of her choices and I only talked to her once a week. In the months before she passed away, I began talking with her most days again, though sometimes she was feeling so badly that we would only talk for a minute or two.

 

I used to talk with my dad once a week, but now we have a 20-40 minute phone conversation every other day or so.

[Kalypso]

I used to talk to my mom everyday. Now it is probably 3-4 times a week - sometimes more. My parents are divorced and my relationship with my dad is pretty much nonexistent, so I only talk to him 3-4 times a year.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I call my parents every Monday morning. This means talking to my dad who then relays what I say later to my mom. I'm not sure how much he relays though, because my mom will complain that we'll talk for a half hour and all he'll say is "they're fine"! I only talk to my mom about once every couple of months. She's extremely hard of hearing (she can't "hear" you in the dark) but refuses to get a TTY phone. So my talks with her mean 20 min. or so of listening to her talk. Very occasionally something will happen and she can hear me. Those are precious calls because we can actually interact.

 

Dh's parents call and see us in waves. We will have weeks when we talk or see them everyday and weeks when we don't see or talk to them.

[Desert Rat]

I talk to my parents nearly every day. I'm lucky to live a few blocks away and they watch my boys in the afternoon while I work. I usually chat a few minutes before work and a few minutes upon returning.

My MIL we talk to maybe once a week and see less often even though she only lives 10 minutes away.

My FIL lives far away. I never talk to him but my dh chats maybe once a month or so.

I am so thankful that I get to see and talk with my parents as much as I do.

[elise1mds]

I talk to my mom every week or two. I had been talking to my dad only every few months, but since my DS has taken to going to church with them, I've heard from them a bit more often. Not that we usually talk much because he and I are both very businesslike on the phone.

 

DH talks to his dad every few months as well, usually at holidays. His mother freaks out if she doesn't hear from us at least once a week and had been calling daily for a while. That was exhausting! :lol: We're glad she's gotten past that.

[Jenny in Florida]

My husband (and I) used to talk to his mom regularly. Unfortunately, she passed away several years ago. After that, we would talk to his father every few months.

 

We don't speak to my parents at all. I haven't seen or spoken to either of them in about 15 years, and my life is much better that way.

 

I do really miss my mother-in-law, though. She was the mom every adult (and his wife) should have.

[KristinaBreece]

I speak to my mother every day. After a rocky relationship through my childhood/early adult years (ok, I'm only 25... most people still consider me a young adult), I can say with certainty that my mother is my best friend. We also text & email throughout the day.

 

My dad & I have a less complicated relationship, and I talk to him 3-5 times a week, with texts almost every day, too. I talk to my stepmother every couple of weeks, too. I really feel awkward talking to her on the phone, but I make the effort because I've gotten to understand her position & how difficult it has always been since I've grown up & had my own DC.

 

DH's parents, on the other hand... We generally see them about once a week. And my MIL calls our house every day. That doesn't mean that we always answer the phone. And when we do, we often fight about who *has to* talk to her that time. (Usually me-- She's pushy & DH is confrontational.) If I find I just CAN'T talk to her, I let DS answer the phone. Makes them both happy. And with my FIL... he calls once in a blue moon, always for a reason. If he wants to take DH or DS fishing, or if he needs my advice about a computer issue... and we call him when we want to borrow his car. He's just not a phone guy.

[Jean in Newcastle]

If I find I just CAN'T talk to her, I let DS answer the phone. Makes them both happy.

 

If it makes them both happy, you should let him answer the phone 90% of the time.

[SonshineLearner]

..."they're fine"! I only talk to my mom about once every couple of months. She's extremely hard of hearing (she can't "hear" you in the dark) but refuses to get a TTY phone. So my talks with her mean 20 min. or so of listening to her talk. Very occasionally something will happen and she can hear me. Those are precious calls because we can actually interact...

 

Would Skype calls work? (with the camera on...) I have an easy thing on my Mac, too.... Just brainstorming :)

 

I talk to my mom every day... and my dad for a few minutes every few days :) (They're still married, so it seems as though I talk to him, too :))

[JFSinIL]

My mom, once in a looong while (she is kinda an elderly version of Gosselin). My dad - a couple times a week! They are separated and both in California.

 

When my kid sister first got married and I was still living at home, my sister would call or I'd call her once a week - my mom would RUN to GRAB the phone from me within sixty seconds! Later, when I moved away, if my dad answered when I called home she'd grab the phone from him. All to talk about herself. She still never asks about the grandkids, or how we are doing...it is all about her.

 

Which is why none of her kids seems to call her very often.

Edited May 25, 2011 by JFSinIL

[Mrs_JWM]

My mother lives 2 blocks away, but I see her or talk to her almost every day. My dad lives 20 min. away, so we talk every other day or so, and I drive by once a week on a separate errand, so I usually stop for coffee and a chat. He was away for 6 weeks this winter, and it was very strange for me! We did Skype with him, which he loved, and it gave us a good sense of what he was up to - teaching skiing at a swanky Utah resort...tough life!

 

We Skype with my in-laws each week. My MIL thought it was odd that I missed having my dad around when he was away, and I think she really thought it was strange that my parents and I talk so often. My husband never calls his parents - which my MIL complains about - so I'm not sure why she thinks I talk to mine too often. She had a contentious relationship with her parents, which must contribute to her issues...

[sassenach]

I talk to my mom often. I consider her one of my best friends. I talk to my dad monthly. It's usually very surface with him. There's a complicated back story there.

 

Dh talks to his dad monthly (that's often in dh's world). They are close. Dh talks to his mother as litte as possible. Maybe once or twice a year. She is an extremely toxic person.

[Mom in High Heels]

I talk to my mom about 4-5 times a week for at least 45 minutes each time. We also email several times a week. I talk to my dad about every other week or so for an hour.

 

Dh talks to his parents about 4-5 times a year and only when I tell him he has to call them. The funny thing is that his parents and I don't get along, but I'm still the one pushing him to call. His parents are older (his dad is 75) and won't be around forever. I don't want him to regret not speaking to them after they're gone. I had to make him call him mom on mother's day and I was so mad at him because he wasn't going to. I told him *I* would be devastated if my boys didn't call me on mother's day. When he talks to them, they have a good chat, but he will not voluntarily call them. I'm not expecting him to call them every day, but I don't think once a month is too much. I know it's different for guys, but still. I hope to my boys want to talk to me at least once a month when they're grown.

[Virg]

I talk to my dad several times a week. We also text and send pic messages back and forth. I send them of the kids; he sends them of his flowers. (And he is in his 70s, so cute!) Before my mom died, she and I talked daily, sometimes multiple times a day. Before we moved away we went to church with my dad twice a week, he would drive 20 miles to stop by our house once or twice a week and he took my twins every other week for a day or two. :( Miss him!

[tabrizia]

I talk to my Mom between 1 and 3 times a week, sometimes more, occasionally less, but on average. I normally talk to my Dad once a week or so, since he picks up the phone when I call a lot of the time. I also e-mail my Mom or she e-mails me at least once or twice a week as well.

 

As for my in-laws I see them at least once a week, with the new baby it is been closer to 2 to 3 times a week at the moment, DH sees them twice a week most weeks, sometimes more, we both talk to them fairly frequently.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Would Skype calls work? (with the camera on...) I have an easy thing on my Mac, too.... Just brainstorming :)

 

I talk to my mom every day... and my dad for a few minutes every few days :) (They're still married, so it seems as though I talk to him, too :))

 

Sure it would work. So would e-mail (which they have). My mom is 85 years old. She's set in her ways and will not communicate in these ways. It actually gets me upset.

[Hoggirl]

Both of my parents died when I was 24.

 

I probably talk to my mil every two weeks or so. She is a delight. If we don't call her she calls us, but she usually talks to me and not to dh. Maybe phone chatting is more of a woman thing??? Dh never calls his parents just to talk to them. If his father calls it is only because he wants/needs something from us.

 

While mil does a good job of calling, she will occasionally make a comment about how she hasn't heard from us in awhile. This always kind of bugs me, b/c the phone lines do work both ways. If my ds doesn't call when he is an adult, then I hope I can call him without laying on a guilt trip. I do think some parents of adult children have the mindset that the adult children should call them. My mil isn't generally like this, but does make these types of comments occasionally.

[ChristusG]

I talk to my parents every day and see them several times a week. They live less than a mile from us, in the same neighborhood. Every Thursday evening, ever since we've been married (11 years) we've gone to their house for dinner.

[cathmom]

My mom does not live near me, and we probably talk on average 2x a week, with the occasional email/fb posting in between. My dh talks to his mom usually once a week.

[Alphabetika]

I talk to my mom daily because she lives with us. ;) This has been true since my dad died in 2006. Before that, I generally wrote them a letter about once every week or two and tried to visit about as frequently (they lived 20 miles from us before.)

 

I write to my in-laws once every couple of weeks and talk to them on the phone abotu once a month. Mostly to my mother-in-law, but to my father-in-law if he answers the phone.

[Ginevra]

All you people who talk to your parent(s) every day or more are leaving me totally astonished...and a fair bit guilty. I talk to my mom more now than I used to, but I still only call her maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks. She hardly ever calls me unless something very urgent is happening. I only talk to my dad if he's standing in front of me, which is about every month or three. If he ever called me, I would be sure my mother was dead. The reverse is also true. It's funny in a way, because I am very much like my dad and I think we could have a great rapport, but it never got going and neither of us seems intent on making it go now.

 

I can barely understand my mom on the phone because her speech is not clear. (She has Parkinson's disease.) I feel like I'm struggling to piece together meaning out of every third word. I also just plain hate talking on the phone, to anyone. :tongue_smilie: It's a defect I sometimes work on, but I still mostly avoid the phone as long as possible.

 

Those of you who talk to mom every day: what do you talk about? I really don't even know what I'd say.

 

Dh sees his mom almost every day. His office is at her house. I also see her a few times a week mostly because I go over to the office. I love her to pieces, but we don't just sit down and talk together all that much considering how often I physically see her.

[Rosie_0801]

She's extremely hard of hearing (she can't "hear" you in the dark) but refuses to get a TTY phone.

 

Too deaf for an amplifier?

 

I talk to my dad when he rings up, which doesn't happen often. I can't remember the last time I rang him. 20mins every few months seems sufficient and I'd rather the 20mins happened when he felt like talking because last time I invited him around, he was all weird at me.

 

Mum and I talk over FB chat whenever we're both on there and occasionally email. How extended the conversation is depends on the time of day, since she's in a different time zone and she's diabetic so sticks to a routine for meals. It also depends on my internet connection, which has been *really* dodgy for the past few months. She reads my blog, so there is that one way communication too.

 

I think dh is able to communicate with his parents without me nagging him to. He and his mother can find things to chat about, but he and his father have to work a bit harder- and deliberately snub his mother because she isn't big on promoting father-son relationships.

 

Rosie

Edited May 25, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Meriwether]

We once talked about how we hope our children will include us in their lives when they are adults. This made me wonder about simple talking, not just traditions of whatever kind.

 

How often do you talk to your parent(s), like just to talk? I have to confess DH and I only talk to our moms (both our dads are deceased) every few weeks. That doesn't seem to be alot when I really think about it. I'm going to call my mom today and tell her I love her. :)

 

 

I talk to my parents almost daily for a few minutes to several hours.

 

Dh talks to his parents about once a month.

[*Inna*]

My parents and I talk through Skype every week.

I talk to MIL daily and see her several times a week.

[KristinaBreece]

All you people who talk to your parent(s) every day or more are leaving me totally astonished...and a fair bit guilty. I talk to my mom more now than I used to, but I still only call her maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks. She hardly ever calls me unless something very urgent is happening. I only talk to my dad if he's standing in front of me, which is about every month or three. If he ever called me, I would be sure my mother was dead. The reverse is also true. It's funny in a way, because I am very much like my dad and I think we could have a great rapport, but it never got going and neither of us seems intent on making it go now.

 

I can barely understand my mom on the phone because her speech is not clear. (She has Parkinson's disease.) I feel like I'm struggling to piece together meaning out of every third word. I also just plain hate talking on the phone, to anyone. :tongue_smilie: It's a defect I sometimes work on, but I still mostly avoid the phone as long as possible.

 

Those of you who talk to mom every day: what do you talk about? I really don't even know what I'd say.

 

Dh sees his mom almost every day. His office is at her house. I also see her a few times a week mostly because I go over to the office. I love her to pieces, but we don't just sit down and talk together all that much considering how often I physically see her.

 

I talk to my mom about d*mn near everything. Kids, money, family, abstract thoughts... There's nothing she would be uncomfortable with us discussing, and very little that I would be uncomfortable with.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Too deaf for an amplifier?

 

 

 

She has an amplifier. That's the one thing that makes it possible for us to talk at all. BUT she has to know what the subject is because she's guessing at words. If she doesn't know the subject, then the guesses can be all over the place!

[Crissy]

Those of you who talk to mom every day: what do you talk about?

 

When we talked every day it was about anything. Everything.

What we're cooking that day. What sort of gardening needs to be done. What did you use to remove that sort of stain? Guess what funny things the kids said. Did you talk to Grandma today, and is she adjusting well to her new medication? How is Dad's new project coming along?

 

You know when you get together with a really good friend and casual conversation comes naturally? It was like that.

[missiemick]

It goes in spurts -- I usually talk to my dad about once a week but them sometimes I'll talk to him two or three days in a row. I'll talk to my mother about once every three or four weeks but then several days in a row. Just depends on what's going on. I rarely talk to my MIL -- that's my husband's job:tongue_smilie:

[Tarreymere]

My parents are both passed away. DH talks to his mom and dad once a week. I talk to my adult children all the time, sometimes I duck their phone calls with the caller id....:001_unsure:

[Rosie_0801]

She has an amplifier. That's the one thing that makes it possible for us to talk at all. BUT she has to know what the subject is because she's guessing at words. If she doesn't know the subject, then the guesses can be all over the place!

 

It might help (a little) if you can teach her to be ok with you using topic markers. But she might not be up for new tricks like that.

 

:grouphug:

 

Rosie

[littlebug42]

Both of our fathers died within the last 5 years. I speak to my mother and my MIL almost every day. My husband probably talks to his mom weekly.

[Ginevra]

When we talked every day it was about anything. Everything.

What we're cooking that day. What sort of gardening needs to be done. What did you use to remove that sort of stain? Guess what funny things the kids said. Did you talk to Grandma today, and is she adjusting well to her new medication? How is Dad's new project coming along?

 

You know when you get together with a really good friend and casual conversation comes naturally? It was like that.

 

That sounds really lovely. :grouphug:

 

Another tangent: those of you who have a great open line of communication, who established that when you moved from home? IOW, did mom say, "i'll check in with you every Friday morning while you're at college, unless you call me otherwise."? Did mom just presume to call every day and so it was set? I'm curious because I really would like to follow that concept when my kids start leaving home.

[iquilt]

Dh is really good about talking to his parents weekly, but he usually calls them from work so that I don't have to talk with them much ( they are still upset that we lived together before marriage 15 years ago and have a hard time not criticizing everything about me and my parents). I talk to my parents weekly and dh also has a great relationship with my family and calls them frequently. My dh is my grand mom's favorite grandson:). I think he has always been more comfortable with extended family and I have never been that comfortable. He grew up visiting his grandparents weekly and I grew up 3000 miles away from all extended family, so maybe that has something to do with it. Although we live 5 states away from his family on purpose....

[Ibbygirl]

I only have my mom. I talk to her at least once a week on the phone (she's 800 miles a way). Sometimes we talk several times a week. It depends really on how busy we've been and how much we have to say to each other. :p

[Eleni]

Both of my parents are dead, but my kids did see me take care of my mom when she had cancer. I hope they remember that.

[TXMomof4]

I talk to my mom daily and dad at least once a week. With mom it's just about whatever's going on in our life or hers. Dad and I just talk - religion, politics, current events - we just chat.

 

Mom and I have always talked often. In highschool I was in a ballet company and she was the costume mistress, so we were together all the time. Dad and I talked but not as in depth til I got older.

[Joker]

That sounds really lovely. :grouphug:

 

Another tangent: those of you who have a great open line of communication, who established that when you moved from home? IOW, did mom say, "i'll check in with you every Friday morning while you're at college, unless you call me otherwise."? Did mom just presume to call every day and so it was set? I'm curious because I really would like to follow that concept when my kids start leaving home.

 

When I first moved out I knew my parents would each call me at least once a week. It was just an expected phone call to check up. I would usually call them as well about once a week. I talk to my mom now several times a week - my dad has passed.

[LostSurprise]

I'll talk to my mom periodically (every few months), usually when something is coming up and there are logistics. Neither one of us is phone people. Phones actually make me anxious. We do stay with them every 4-6 weeks and we talk a lot then. We sit around and talk more than dh does with his family.

 

My father doesn't prefer to talk on the phone either.

 

Dh called his parents every day when we married. They called us a few times a week. Now they talk 3-5x a week. Usually dh will think of something or they'll call us and let us know where they're going or ask if they can visit. I love my in-laws but some days/times I just don't have the energy for a phone conversation so I let it go to voicemail.

 

I'm sure with the kids we'll be all over social media. The phone isn't the only way to chat with people (although I wish I could get my mother to log on to Facebook more often).