If in your family one adult works so the other can homeschool...(more info in post)

[SnowWhite]

I put fewer than 8, but that is because dh is often working at his at-home business. He generally works 14 hours, 7 days each week. Even with that, we have recently considered whether I should take a part time job. We did consider putting the children into school of some type when dh was having a health crisis last year. It seemed that it would be too great a sacrifice for our family's well-being. Thankfully, dh's business has thrived enough that we are able to continue as we are now.

[arghmatey]

SO leaves the house between 7:30 and 8:30, and he's usually home a bit before 6:30 PM. The longest he is away from home is 11 hours, although that is rare.

 

Once he gets home, he hangs out in the kitchen with me and plays with the children in the family area. He then participates in story time, and after bed time, we have alone time. He also does personal things during this time, such as plays video games, reads, &c.

 

He spends all weekend with us, goes to gymnastics with the toddler and me, and participates in everything else we do.

 

I do find this amount of time away from us acceptable, but I'm also looking forward to him selling his company and retiring in a few years so that he can pursue more personal interests. He is making big sacrifices to share this lifestyle with us.

[Rosy]

If the working adult has to spend many hours outside the home and away from the family, do you find this to be an acceptable tradeoff so that the other parent can be home with the children and homeschool? At what point would you consider it to be an unacceptable sacrifice? What accommodations would you/have you made in your families to be able to homeschool, and how do you strike a balance that allows both adults to parent the children effectively?

At this point he's gone 10-11 hours a day, when he starts working out again (he's taking a short break as he just started his current job) it'll be more like 11-12. He's never worked long hours outside the home, but he has at times done substantial (15-20+ hours a week) amounts of freelance graphic design work from home (though he wasn't gone as much then). His schedule would not be different if the kids were in school, even if I was working (except maybe no freelance).

 

It's never made sense for me to work because without having finished my education, I can only make about 1/4 of what he makes doing freelance work, and he can do that from home. I think the only reason I would work to provide income as a permanent way of life is if my husband could no longer work...in which case he would hopefully oversee their education.

[Ohdanigirl]

Dh gets up at 2:00A.M. and isn't home until about 5-5:30. He works pretty far away and crosses an international border, otherwise he would be up and out at 4A.M., home at 4. I have told him we should move back, but he says it is fine.

 

For us, it is worth it. All our family is in Baja California, save my father and brother. It wasn't so bad before the economy went south, and we are hoping it will get better.

 

Many Americans live here, and are in the same boat. It is pretty common. It also allows us to do things we would not be able to on one income in the U.S. Saving a little more for college and raising 2 family members that were abandoned by their mother, and taking in a BIL this year. In the U.S., raising those kids would have put us on public assistance, and likely in a very bad neighborhood. I would have spent hours at the Welfare office, away from my kids, and under much stress.

 

Danielle

[EJCMom]

My husband travels for work and is regularly away for two to three weeks at a time. I'm grateful that he is willing to make that sacrifice to provide for our family and allow me to stay home and homeschool.

[Guest Momlovesbooks]

My dh works 24 on and 48 off for his 1st job. His 2nd job is 12 hour shifts, he usually only picks up 1 or 2 shifts a week. Often he leaves at 6:40am and I don't see him until 7:30pm the next day. I appreciate that I get to stay home and homeschool, but this isn't working well for us anymore. He is tired of being gone all the time and I am tired of raising the kids alone. I am going back to college this summer.

[LibraryLover]

My dh is not paid by the hour. He's a vice president of a large company, and his work is what it is, no matter who does what at home. He does have a ton of flexibilty, however. But if he has to be soemwhere he has to be somewhere. He has always had to travel. That gives us hotel and frequent flyer mile perks. Which is nice.

[nukeswife]

I haven't read the other posts so I'm not sure if I'm rehashing anything.

 

My dh is in the Navy and is currently an XO (executive officer) which means when the ship is in port he's the first one there (other than those that have are the current duty section, which means they have to stay overnight) and the last one other than duty section to leave. Currently that means he leaves about 0430 and comes home about 1930 although it's currently almost 2000 and I haven't heard from him that he's coming home tonight.

 

During deployment work ups (the 6 months of so before deployment) he is on a crazy schedule of in and out, sometimes it's a week, sometimes a few days, sometimes a month of two at a time. Then there's deployment which used to be about 6 months, and have now become more like 8-9 months.

 

In the end, even if we didn't homeschool, I'd still stay home because with his crazy schedule he likes that I'm a constant in the kids life, my schedule is their schedule. It's also a pain to find someone to hire you when you move as often as we do. Many military spouses have a much easier time than I did trying to find work, but dh said he actually preferred me being home because then he never had to worry about me having to work when he is actually around.

 

ETA: I forgot to put that I voted Other and that because of his position our phone rings at all hours when he is home.

Edited March 10, 2011 by nukeswife

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

There is no trade-off for us. Whether I stay home or not wouldn't affect how long DH is away from home, only whether anyone is at home. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the question. Stranger things have happened. :lol:

[Luckymama]

I voted "other."

 

Dh is a Certified Financial Planner. He works from home 2 days per week and in the office 3 days per week. When he goes to the office, he leaves at 7am and returns (with ds from school) at 4pm, then will work until dinner. He frequently works in the home office during the evenings or has client meetings.

 

On his at-home days, he's always working but he's able to drink coffee with me, observe our lab work, watch the birds at the feeder with dd, and eat lunch with us. I'm able to run errands by myself after school is finished for the day!

[ChristusG]

DH is up at 6 or 6:30 and out the door by 7 or 7:30. He communtes about 45 minutes, varying with traffic. It can be anywhere from about 35 minutes to 1 hour, depending. He arrives back home in the evening no later than around 6:30 or 6:45. So he's gone roughly 11 or so hours.

 

We would not have it any other way. DH gets tons of vacation days, he can take off when I really need him to (he's off today for DD4's birthday), his company and boss are good to him, he rarely travels, etc. He has a great job. If I worked, we would have to put the kids in school and find care for them afterwards. That's not acceptable to me (or him, as we decided before we were even married). I want to be the ones to raise my children, not someone else.

 

For me, in order for me to put my kids in school, we'd have to be in VERY bad financial trouble. I'd rather drop all vacations, all unnecessary bills, downsize to smaller house, sell one car, etc rather than quit homeschooling.

[Spryte]

Another "other" here. DH works from a home office. He gets up with the kiddo, and wakes me in time to drink coffee together before he goes to work, downstairs. At 9:00 am, the dog gets up and waits for DH to go to the office. They work together. :tongue_smilie:

 

Since he's at home, we have coffee breaks together and DH makes lunch. I love it!

[elizabeth]

In order to survive a law firm implosion/explosion we sold our home in a gated community , took over the old victorian the former firm had been in, rehabbed half into living space. Then created a school room and library in the first floor and voila. No commute, no hellish mortgage beyond our means and we are together 24/7 in the same building. This has worked for us for a decade. That said it would NEVER work without the very large living space permitting all of us to avoid the others if that is our desire. Also the paralegal is like family so sharing space during the week is generally a delight. I am grateful for the companionship as my disability makes it really hard to go to other people's homes as I am usually challenged to find comfortable seating.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My DH is a railroad conductor. When he lieaves he is gone between 24-48 hours. He may be home 8-36 hours between trips, 8-18 hours home is typical; 36 is a rare treat.

He also takes extra trips when they are offered.

 

He works the crazy hours so I only have to work part time. I currently work 5 or so hours a week. Just enough to pay for DS's homeschool supplies and DD's public school expenses. Well, except for the prom dress she would like to buy. That is not going to happen.

[Rosie_0801]

Neither of us have any choice about how long dh is out of the house. Whoever is in charge of the rain network could improve things a bit, :glare: but it still takes time to go to and from work, and dh likes having an hour lunch break to run errands in, instead of cutting it down and leaving earlier. He's out 12 and a half hours if things are going well, another hour on top of that if they aren't. At least the hours and working conditions are better than when he was teaching. That wasn't worth it so he quit after 3 years. A person shouldn't have to leave his wife, up to her eyeballs in morning sickness and crying, on a public holiday, if he's not getting paid for it.

 

Dh would prefer I was earning a wage, but doesn't think the lack of wage is important enough to insist I do. The consequences of me not being here would be too high, so here I am. Even on the bad days :tongue_smilie:

 

Seeing that I have little kids, the most important thing is them being able to nap in the afternoon (if they want to :glare:) so they'll be awake to play with their dad when he gets home. It's not unusual for one or both of them to be up in time to see him off either. Also I blog so he can read about our day, if he wants to. He's not coming home to "What did you do today?" "Uh, nothin'." I don't think he appreciates that yet, but he will when they are older, I think. I know my dad hated working to support a family and he didn't even know what they were doing with their time.

 

Rosie

Edited March 10, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Renee in NC]

There is no trade-off for us. Whether I stay home or not wouldn't affect how long DH is away from home, only whether anyone is at home. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the question. Stranger things have happened. :lol:

 

Some husbands work long hours (multiple jobs even) because their wife stays home and they are the sole provider. If he didn't do that, they wouldn't be able to get by with a basic standard of living. Some work long hours because they want to work long hours.;) Some work long hours because their wife stays home and they want a higher standard of living than a less responsible job would pay for. There are all kinds of reasons husbands work long hours.

 

I think the OP was asking if other people's husbands worked extremely long hours so that she could stay home and homeschool. Really, that is going to more a function of income than hours. If a man works a more responsible, higher level job that pays very well, then he most likely will be expected to work longer hours. A less responsible, less skilled job will require less.

 

If you worked and the dc went to school, would your dh work less than he does now? Or does he work longer hours to compensate for the fact that you do not?

[nono]

My dh telecommutes, but not exclusively, so I chose OTHER. When he goes "on the road," it's generally to Europe (NBD since we're on the East Coast) or Asia (BD, since we're on the East coast). It sounds so "jet-setter" but I travelled for my job for years before I chose to stay home, so I know it stinks. Conference rooms look remarkably similar around the world... :glare:

 

As to "what accommodations would you/have you made in your families to be able to homeschool"...I stopped working. I went out and used a couple of dual-income calculators to figure out what I was really bringing to our bottom line....You know what? It was 23% of our net. And I grossed MORE than my dh. It wasn't a hard decision to stay home. It's been hard to get good at staying home though ('nother thread).

 

In all honesty, that 23%contribution to our former bottom line had been negated by the lack of expenses in me being out of the house, being able to trim expenses, and paying closer attention to our investments.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

Some husbands work long hours (multiple jobs even) because their wife stays home and they are the sole provider. If he didn't do that, they wouldn't be able to get by with a basic standard of living. Some work long hours because they want to work long hours.;) Some work long hours because their wife stays home and they want a higher standard of living than a less responsible job would pay for. There are all kinds of reasons husbands work long hours.

 

I think the OP was asking if other people's husbands worked extremely long hours so that she could stay home and homeschool. Really, that is going to more a function of income than hours. If a man works a more responsible, higher level job that pays very well, then he most likely will be expected to work longer hours. A less responsible, less skilled job will require less.

 

If you worked and the dc went to school, would your dh work less than he does now? Or does he work longer hours to compensate for the fact that you do not?

 

Thank-you for clarifying for me!

 

Nope, DH doesn't work longer hours to compensate for me being home. He works a pretty standard 40 hour week most of the time and refuses to consistently work more without a substantial pay raise that would make him feel compensated for the increased time away from home and actually, he's not so sure that any dollar amount would compensate for it.

 

Now, he would work more if he had to to keep me at home with the children.

 

Oh, regarding the discussion questions in the OP, DH would go to great length to keep me at home with the children homeschooling them due to our (exceptionally conservative, perhaps?) convictions in this area.

Edited March 10, 2011 by RecumbentHeart

[LibraryLover]

There is no trade-off for us. Whether I stay home or not wouldn't affect how long DH is away from home, only whether anyone is at home. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the question. Stranger things have happened. :lol:

 

 

:lol: Well, me too. That's how I understood it. Dh's work is what it is.

[LibraryLover]

Oh! (Bolded) This is eactly what happend to us.

 

My dh telecommutes, but not exclusively, so I chose OTHER. When he goes "on the road," it's generally to Europe (NBD since we're on the East Coast) or Asia (BD, since we're on the East coast). It sounds so "jet-setter" but I travelled for my job for years before I chose to stay home, so I know it stinks. Conference rooms look remarkably similar around the world... :glare:

 

As to "what accommodations would you/have you made in your families to be able to homeschool"...I stopped working. I went out and used a couple of dual-income calculators to figure out what I was really bringing to our bottom line....You know what? It was 23% of our net. And I grossed MORE than my dh. It wasn't a hard decision to stay home. It's been hard to get good at staying home though ('nother thread).

 

In all honesty, that 23%contribution to our former bottom line had been negated by the lack of expenses in me being out of the house, being able to trim expenses, and paying closer attention to our investments.

[happypamama]

If, in your family, only one adult works so that the other can stay home and homeschool:

 

(Poll question)

How many hours per day, on average, does the working adult spend outside the home, including working hours, overtime, commute, and additional work (like part time jobs or contract work)?

 

DH is gone around 10-11 hours a day, sometimes a bit longer. He usually leaves the house before 6 am and comes home around 5.

 

(Discussion questions) If the working adult has to spend many hours outside the home and away from the family, do you find this to be an acceptable tradeoff so that the other parent can be home with the children and homeschool? At what point would you consider it to be an unacceptable sacrifice? What accommodations would you/have you made in your families to be able to homeschool, and how do you strike a balance that allows both adults to parent the children effectively?

 

Honestly, it's very hard; he's gone a lot and is trying to fit a lot into the few hours he has, and a lot falls on me. But right now, it's the way it is, so we deal. We never believed that both parents should work, and we believe that it's best for him to work and me to be at home with our children. But paying for daycare for an infant and a toddler would be very expensive for us, so we're not really at the point where it would be worth me working. (And having me leave an infant for several hours is a pretty unacceptable sacrifice for us; we'd do it if we absolutely needed to, but we're not at that point yet.)

[readinmom]

I voted for 9-10 hours a day, but it is probably more. DH's business closed down. For us, it turned out to be good timing. Our ds was begging to be homeschooled, and we made the decision to bring him home for 7th/8th grade. I really wanted to be the one home with him, but in this economy, I am grateful to still be working. We read together, work on vocabulary, etc. while DH does the science and math.

 

Overall, it's been a blessing.:001_smile:

[Lawana]

I'll have to weigh in as an "other". Dh's job is the same as if we were not homeschooling. Sometimes he has to travel for 3-6 days at a time, other times he works from his office off the garage every day for weeks at a time. Sometimes he has to commute to his office in the city (60-75min), in which case he leaves at 6 and gets home somewere between 6 and 7. He was a single parent with sole custody of 2 (almost grown) kids when we married, and had had to hire a nanny when the kids were younger in order to work full time.

Although it is our choice for me to stay home and homeschool our two, it hasn't affected his work schedule at all. Yes, we could make more money if I worked too (we're both electrical engineers), but he makes enough for us to comfortably live on his salary alone.

[danybug]

I voted 11-12 hours. My dh works from 7:30 to 4, but commutes for 90 minutes each way. The commute is actually slowly killing him right now, but until we can relocate he has to suck it up. My dh also works a second job one day a week, but since it is from 6 to 2 he is getting home the same time that we are finishing school.

 

I agree with another poster that my dh is a total distraction! We can not do school if it is his day off or if he goes in late. We have to work around his schedule if we want to get any work done :glare:

 

I get overwhelmed at times being the "sole" parent. I wish there was another pair of hands to hold the baby or listen to the whining or help shop, but then I think about how blessed I am that I have a dh that works so hard and loves his children enough to make it so they can homeschool.

[Garga]

He's out of the home for 10 hours a day, but he works another 2 at home each night, on average.

 

And he also works for a few hours from home on the weekends.

 

He works a regular job and also is an adjunct at a college, so the college work is what he does at night (preparing the class, grading, etc.)

[Kimberly in IN]

The answers to OP's question are interesting to read. Its fun to see how others live, etc. My dh works outside of the house a great deal, usually 14hrs+ plus, he travels a bit, but I knew that would be the case going into the marriage. He worked insane hours before we had dc and we have lived for years with him travelling and returning home on weekends or every other weekend, depending on where he was traveling. It has nothing to do with me homeschooling. In fact his hours are one of the many reasons I decided not to work outside of the house once we had our first child.

 

Dh wants likes what he does and wants to reach a certain professional level. Its who he is. (and I think it has a great amount to do w/ the baggage his father has saddled him with, but that's a whole 'nother post) Dh's work hours have nothing to do w/ living a certain life style, as we live well below what many at his level live (though we do have 4 dc, so that does seem to take a bit of $) it has everything to do w/ what he wants to accomplish professionally.

 

It is so interesting to see the similarities & differences in each of our lives.

 

Please don't check my spelling/grammar, my brain is frizzled tonight.

[TXMary2]

My DH leaves for work between 6-7am and arrives home between 6-7pm. He sometimes works on a Saturday. It works for us. He gets time with us in the evenings and on weekends. It's just life for us.

[scrappyhappymama]

Some husbands work long hours (multiple jobs even) because their wife stays home and they are the sole provider. If he didn't do that, they wouldn't be able to get by with a basic standard of living. Some work long hours because they want to work long hours.;) Some work long hours because their wife stays home and they want a higher standard of living than a less responsible job would pay for. There are all kinds of reasons husbands work long hours.

 

I think the OP was asking if other people's husbands worked extremely long hours so that she could stay home and homeschool. Really, that is going to more a function of income than hours. If a man works a more responsible, higher level job that pays very well, then he most likely will be expected to work longer hours. A less responsible, less skilled job will require less.

 

If you worked and the dc went to school, would your dh work less than he does now? Or does he work longer hours to compensate for the fact that you do not?

 

Yes, this. Thanks for clarifying for me!

 

We are currently under intense discussions regarding the balance between working hours and lifestyle choices. Thank you ALL so much for sharing your situations and perspectives. It's been very helpful!

[Alenee]

 

 

This isnt specifically so that we can homeschool, but our family holds the Biblical understanding that it is the Husband/Father's job to provide and the Mother's/wife to do the main part of child rearing. That is not to say that he doesn't parent when he is home, we have just divided two things that have to be done. I guess I don't really see it as a trade off. I see it as us accomplishing two things that have to be accomplished, an equal division of labor. If our circumstances dictated that I needed to work for us to live, I definitely would. It would take quite a bit for us to feel that was neccessary though since it would mean me having to pass off my children onto someone else while I worked.

 

 

 

 

This is the way we think of it as well. I answered 14+. Dh works about an hour away and does 12.5 hour shifts. It's extremely difficult but we see no other way at this point. He used to work the same hours however, only seven miles from home. It was wonderful! It doesn't look like that will happen again though. I do have plans of going back to college when the time is right but we both feel it's more important for the kids to have one parent at home while they're growing up. I don't have any doubt that it's totally worth it. :)

[Heather in Neverland]

Well we both work and with the exception of 2 out of our 13 years as parents...we always have so the only question I can answer is this one: What accommodations would you/have you made in your families to be able to homeschool, and how do you strike a balance that allows both adults to parent the children effectively?

 

In order to homeschool and work we worked split shifts for years (actually until last year). I worked days. He worked afternoons. We only saw each other twice a week. For years.

 

Now that we both work days at the same school and our children go to the school, we all see each other all the time! We eat at least two if not 3 meals together every day. Our whole family is happier. :D

[nd293]

If the working adult has to spend many hours outside the home and away from the family, do you find this to be an acceptable tradeoff so that the other parent can be home with the children and homeschool? At what point would you consider it to be an unacceptable sacrifice?

 

Dh is out of the house about 11 hours a day, of which perhaps 60-75 minutes is commute. But the only reason it would change if I was working was because I would require him to contribute more to family life, and that would require career sacrifice on his part. He is an engineer, he enjoys his work, would rather work than not work, and wants to be recognised amongst his peers, which takes time.

 

I don't believe that bettering our financial position would be worth the sacrifice to family life. Two adults working full time would not be practical with his career aspirations and my expectation of family life.

 

Nikki

[Elfknitter.#]

Hmm, I'm an odd woman out. I am the working parent and dh is home with our children. I was a 40 hour a week employed librarian and for the last 9 month I was reduced to 30 hours. I do have a very short commute -- I live in the town I work. I chose 9-10 hours for those days I do work because sometimes I do say a bit longer than 9 hours.

[Greenmama2]

About 11 hours here which is balanced by at least one WAH day each week. Honestly I was surprised to see those hours are quite frequent.

Honestly, we get more done when he's away. He's a huge distraction.

 

Too true!

[Rhonda in TX]

DH is gone about 10 hours a day (8-6, typically). Our decision to homeschool has no bearing on how many hours he works.

 

He occasionally has a paying music gig, but those are usually short term and honestly, he does it more because he loves it than because we need the money.

[TheReader]

My husband is gone roughly 10 hours; I voted 9 -10 hrs. That's with commute, etc.

 

But, I don't feel it is too much, because of our children's (and our own) sleep schedules. DH is up (and he and I get up together, have coffee, etc.) and leaves the house between 7:30 and 8:00 each morning. Our youngest gets up roughly 30 mins. after DH leaves for work most days; the next child gets up around 8:30 or 9:00 and our oldest is usually not up until 9:30 or so. By the time all the kids are up, dh has already been gone 2 hours, so that helps it not feel like much.

 

Then, he's home by about 6:00 every night. We don't eat dinner until 8:00-ish, and don't go to bed until 11:00-ish. So, again, still plenty of parenting going on after he's home.

 

In many ways, having watched plenty of our friends go through this, us homeschooling is what gives him more time with the kids. He does not work excessive hours at work -- including his lunch break, he's at work for 8.5 to 9 hours; he then has about an hour commute time total. So, he'd be at work these hours either way.

 

If the kids were going to a brick & mortar school, they'd be up and out of the house at the same time as DH (or sooner), and having to go to bed by 8:30 or so.

 

He is also home all weekend, every weekend, and then if he sometimes has to take long business trips, we are able to go with him. I guess I look at it in the opposite light, then -- he is working because he we need money to live on; he'd be working these hours regardless. We are hs'ing though so that he has plenty of time with the boys. We have considered it, every semester since moving to Brazil, to put the boys in school. It would help them not be so isolated (we are very isolated due to hs'ing here). The loss of family time has kept us from doing that.

[Carrie12345]

If, in your family, only one adult works so that the other can stay home and homeschool:

 

(Poll question)

How many hours per day, on average, does the working adult spend outside the home, including working hours, overtime, commute, and additional work (like part time jobs or contract work)?

 

(Discussion questions) If the working adult has to spend many hours outside the home and away from the family, do you find this to be an acceptable tradeoff so that the other parent can be home with the children and homeschool? At what point would you consider it to be an unacceptable sacrifice? What accommodations would you/have you made in your families to be able to homeschool, and how do you strike a balance that allows both adults to parent the children effectively?

 

Other.

Dh sometimes works at home, is sometimes out (work+commute) for 4 hours, sometimes 16+ hours, and can travel for up to 2 weeks, so I can't pin down an average.

 

Also, he doesn't work those hours "so that" I can sah/homeschool. He works them because that's his job, and did the same thing when I did work.

If he "had to" work 16 hour days every day because we'd go hungry otherwise, I would seriously consider putting the kids in school after exhausting all other options. I don't want to be a virtual single parent.

[brehon]

I voted other.

 

I work 24 hrs on/48 hrs off which works out to working once every three days. I also pick up OT when I can and have CE and various meetings I'm required to attend. So, I would guess that my average "day" at work once all these things are factored in is 30 or so hours.

 

I am the working parent and my dh stays home with the kids. Although we envisioned him teaching the kids on the days I'm not home and equally sharing the teaching on the days I am home, it has not worked out that way. He does the bulk of the teaching regardless of whether or not I'm on duty. I generally help with reading, writing (my son's CW), and Latin.

 

Is it acceptable to us? Yes, in general, because we deliberately structured our lives so that dh could be home and the kids could be homeschooled. I think my kids are used to my hours; although, they do get upset if I have to pull a double shift. If I were one of the "overtime hounds" and worked more OT, that, I think, would be the tipping point. Right now this arrangement seems to work well for us.

 

I hope dh doesn't think I'm a huge distraction when I'm at home.

[historically accurate]

We are a one-income family. Dh works 5 days a week: leaves the house at 5 am (he starts work at 7; work is 1 1/2 hours away), and usually gets home at 5:30-6 pm. About once every 2 weeks or so he works late, and gets home at 7 or 8. He does have a work phone that rings nightly at least once and that call can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 1 hour. :glare:

[RahRah]

 

(Discussion questions) If the working adult has to spend many hours outside the home and away from the family, do you find this to be an acceptable tradeoff so that the other parent can be home with the children and homeschool? At what point would you consider it to be an unacceptable sacrifice? What accommodations would you/have you made in your families to be able to homeschool, and how do you strike a balance that allows both adults to parent the children effectively?

 

I voted 12-13 hours a day....it really is somewhere between 10-16 depending on situation at work for him though.

 

Given DH's profession, I knew what I was getting into before marrying him (he's a doctor, solo practitioner), so his hours away from home aren't something I was blind to before we married and isn't something that is likely to change for at least another ten years. I knew who I was marrying and what that entailed for time commitments....and as we've had children, we've made some changes to our schedules, but his schedule is what it is and cutting back isn't really an option.

 

That said, it isn't like we never see him - he tends to leave early in the morning, before we're up....and is home for dinner each night, then family time before bed. Since we HS, we don't have to have DS in bed early, like 7:00 - so we can have family time in the evening when DH gets home. Our one "rule" we decided on before we married was that DH will never bring home work - if it means he gets home a half hour later than anticipated, so be it - when he gets home, he's home (save for his pager going off) and isn't going to continue working once he's home.

 

ETA: Whether we had kids, or I homeschooled, DH's schedule would be what it is and I'd likely still stay home (as I did before kids) since my career, before we married, required extensive travel - I was a road warrior and that just wouldn't work for us long term, kids or no kids!

Edited March 10, 2011 by RahRah

[LarlaB]

Other..... my DH works from home 3 days a week, and at the office 2 days a week. However, office is 1.5 hours away, so he simply stays the night.

 

After we move to Colorado, he will work from home 3 weeks, and then be gone 1 week to the home office back in KY.

 

 

This is acceptable to us. :)

[Mimm]

My husband doesn't work so we can homeschool. He works so we have a roof over our head and food on our table. Maybe my family doesn't fit the poll. He had the same job before we homeschooled and he would keep it if (in alternate universe world) we put our kids in public school. Either way, he has about a 12 minute drive and works about 40-45 hours a week. Every so often he had to go out of town, but it's rare.

[Tarreymere]

In the beginning.....I was active duty Army when my oldest two were born. After we got out of the service, my DH and I both worked full time. Then, DH died and I became a single parent. I worked full time. Later I worked part time and went to school full time.

 

After graduation I worked part time, got remarried and the new DH worked full time. Along came two more kids. New DH was a bust, so I divorced him. Then I worked part time and took graduate courses. I started to homeschool the older kids and the youngest at this time, the boy went to ps.

 

Then, I got a great deal on a used DH with two kids and two stepkids and I snapped him up. He came complete with children because his EW was having a midlife thing and ran off with some guy from the internet. It was difficult stuffing everyone into the house, but the older girls had been friends for years and were willing to be smooshed into rooms together. Two of them decided to do homeschool too. And then one decided to have a baby.....And Presto! along came another two MORE kids for DH and me. It became apparent to us that someone HAD to be 'at home' to run the circus.

 

Mr. Rainefox was the original stay-at-home parent for almost three years. He was at a point in his career that he was pretty burnt out and wanted some space to think. He enjoyed it, but he did eventually find something in his field that interested him, so I came home.

 

Now I am home, and DH is very glad that he is not. I like it. DH rides his bicycle to work,lengthening his commute but it makes him happy. He likes his job. He works a 36 hour week with on-call time a couple days a month. I like my 'job' here at home better than the work I did before. The older kids have moved out and moved on. We downsized our house. Things are more manageable.....except when the grandkids are here......

 

DH and I both grew up in families with a mom at home, so this feels right to us on a lot of levels. He doesn't feel left out at all when it comes to the kids. He doesn't show much interest in what they are learning....he is a big supporter of homeschooling but he isn't interested in the details. He lets me make all the decisions about school. He has tried to teach them things a time or two but he gets frustrated with them pretty easily when they don't pay attention or act like, well, kids. He likes his job, he likes having his kids taught at home, he likes coming home to a hot dinner and not having to lift a finger at home (he does help, he just knows he doesn't have to). And he likes having a wife who doesn't bug him or try to run off with guys from the internet. :001_smile: I think it works for us.