my dd accidentally hurt her friend.

[MariannNOVA]

At least, that's why my two idiots do it to each other, and you can see they are 14 and 17. . :glare:

 

:lol: Thanks - that was funny.:lol:

[Mommyfaithe]

I stopped reading this thread when it started getting snarky and "I am a better parent than you" or "My kid would never....."

 

Denise...kids do weird things...please don't blame yourself....and stuff happens when kids are together...I can tell you stories that would make your eyes water over....kids play...sometimes kids get hurt...sometimes it is your kid on the receiving end...it happens, OK and I am sure your friend understands that. I would have dd say she was sorry and life goes on. One of my ds's has chipped front teeth from a friend collision...you know what? it happened....they were kids....I wasn' t mad at the other mom or the other kid...:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: you have so much on your plate...please don't feel guilty over a childish thing happening to a child. It is a learning opportunity...for everyone.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Faithe

[Denisemomof4]

I will respond later as I'm heading out in awhile.

 

Tailbone was NOT broken. I'M SO THANKFUL FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've broken mine. I'm SO glad she will not have to deal with the issues I have.

 

I will read/discuss more later.

 

Thanks so much everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[GraciebytheBay]

Just saying that in every kid group I've ever been a part of (leader of parent), kids always want to pick each other up! I don't understand it, but that's just what they do. My daughter is quite small for her age, and bigger kids (especially her age) always want to pack her around. We tell them not to, but really, it's just something they do everywhere. Kids don't always think of consequences to their actions - that's what we're here for (to be kill-buzzes!), to remind them. Over and over and over... until they are old enough to remember on their own.

 

Sorry this happened. I think the way it has been handled on both sides is wonderful and exactly how I would hope it would be handled if my daughter did something accidentally. :grouphug:

[Jan in SC]

If my son had done this, I would have him call and apologize. That's it! Accidents happen and children play. Well, most children play. Some children must sit queitly on a couch for fear of being sued. This is the most "sue happy" place.

[Jennifer in MI]

My dd ALWAYS wants to try to pick people up. All her friends do it to her too. I don't see this as odd or inappropriate behavior. But, I can see why you don't want her to do it again after this!!!

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Wheres Toto]

I don't really see doing chores to help pay for the apology as a punishment. To me punishment would be taking away a priviledge or removing a favorite toy. Even when something is an accident there could be consequences which need to be addressed and I don't think 10 is too young to learn that. (Ex, if dd broke her phone she would need to either do without one or help pay for a new one if we didn't have the money budgeted for a new one at that time even if she was not at all at fault in breaking it). Ideally the dd would be able to do something more personal like help the friend with her chores to show that she was sorry and wanted to help her friend out but the OP already said that wasn't possible. I think the friend might appreciate the fact that dd did something to help pay for the apology gift instead of just having her mother take care of it. It also might make the dd feel better being able to do something more than just say sorry.

 

That was really rambling but I hope it made sense.

[unsinkable]

Denise,

 

:grouphug:

 

Some kids are touchy-feely-huggy-lifty-rough-housey kids. Five Languages of Love, anyone?

 

P.S. Did anyone else think of a Prayer for Owen Meany?!?!

Edited November 19, 2010 by unsinkable

[MSNative]

One other idea, you could pay for a month or two of gymnastics straight to the gymnastics center. That would avoid the whole "oh no, I couldn't possibly accept this..." type conversation.

 

How 'bout an outing for you and your daughter and this other family? I bet there are some great places to check out that are probably too expensive for a family on limited funds that could be a fun trip - aquarium, discovery museums, live performances, etc. Then you can do something nice for the family and get to spend more time cultivating what seems to be a great friendship in the making. Kudos to y'all for handling this situation with grace.

[Laura Corin]

The first time I met my future brother-in-law he was about to go out that night with my sister. The next morning I met my stepmother - haggard - at breakfast. On the way home the previous night, the boyfriend had picked up my sister and accidentally dropped her, causing her to break her collarbone. Nine years later they are still going out together and will be married next year.

 

I know you feel dreadful, but these things happen.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[scrappyhappymama]

I'm sorry I didn't specify this! I immediately insisted we pay for all co-pays and out of pocket expenses. The mother said no, they aren't paying a penny for anything. She and her dh don't have medical insurance but her kids are fully insured.

 

Just wanted to add here that at some point the parents will probably be asked by their insurance company how the accident occurred. Usually the doctor's office asks up front, but they may also receive a letter in the mail asking them to clarify how the injury came about. This is all so their insurance company can avoid paying, and can stick it to the folks "responsible" instead. So, even though they are fully covered by their own insurance, be aware that at some point in the future, you could still be hearing from their insurance company. When my son fell and broke his arm, we didn't get the query letter from our insurance until several months later.

 

SO glad to hear you all were able to work through this and come out the other side on good terms. I have a very touchy-feely son as well, and the pick each other up game is rampant among my children and their friends.

[LuvingLife]

I think helping her friend out any way she can will be great. No it's not the best thing, but it's better than not doing anything and it's showing her friend that she really cares.

 

Make sure your dd apologizes to her though, and talk with her about what she did. This was not something she should have done and I am sure you and your daughter do feel terrible.

 

Praying that you, your daughter, and your daughter's friend's family have a fast recovery!:grouphug:

[justamouse]

It WAS an accident, yes, but it was one that COULD have been prevented had there been some forethought.

 

When my son was going to trial, there were two gang members whose case was being heard before us and I'll never forget what the judge said to the one (who had hurt someone and said it was an accident) He said "a tree falling and hitting someone on the head is an accident." there was more, obviously, but he made certain that the man knew that even though he had no INTENTION of hurting anyone-he didn't control his actions and therefore what happened was no accident. See the difference?

 

I had to tell this story earlier today when my daughter had 'accidentally' kicked her brother in the face and cut his lip. But she was doing something she knew she shouldn't have been doing and hurt him-no, it wasn't a purposeful kick, but had she not been doing what she ought not have-it wouldn't have happened.

 

Yesterday, my kids were drinking hot cocoa and my smaller son took a baby doll and made it 'jump' on my older son's head while he was taking a sip. Older son choked. No, little son had no intention of making older son choke-but he should not have been jumping the doll on his brother's head! It wasn't an 'accident'.

 

So yes, she needs to pay for the copays and the friend's losses for her injury. And, having broken my tailbone, they hurt-a lot. They take *months* to heal.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to both of them. These are hard lessons to learn, but best learned when young and not in front of a judge.

[Journey]

As far as I know, these were 12 year old girls, not older gang members who DO know better. They were kids being kids. Just like your son and your daughter, except that I'm pretty sure your daughter knew what would happen if she (and she did) kicked her brother in the face. This situation is totally different. Sometimes as parents, we don't have to build a lesson into every little thing our children do something wrong.

[justamouse]

As far as I know, these were 12 year old girls, not older gang members who DO know better. They were kids being kids. Just like your son and your daughter, except that I'm pretty sure your daughter knew what would happen if she (and she did) kicked her brother in the face. This situation is totally different. Sometimes as parents, we don't have to build a lesson into every little thing our children do something wrong.

 

No, it's not. The girl should not have been picking someone up. Cheerleading? Yes. For fun? No. It's just not appropriate.

 

And yes, the lesson needs to be learned because that's how kids learn to think about the consequences of their actions, in the long term. And Gawd knows we need more of that.

 

Yes, my children were being children and my daughter that kicked her brother is 8 and the little dude who made his brother choke is 7. I teach them these lessons young, so that they don't need to be taught later. No, I'm not a general, my house is very easy and I'm one of the most liberal parents/people you'll find on this board, but hurting people is hurting people and no one deserves to be hurt if you can help it.

 

I'm very happy the other parent's were so forgiving and nice about the situation, but she still had no business picking her friend up.

[Garga]

I help out with a group of girls at church aged 8-10 and EVERY SINGLE WEEK we have to say, "Put so-and-so down!"

 

They do this all the time. It's perfectly normal. (And I've seen the boys pick each other up, too.)

 

'Course now I realize we should become more firm about this. We hadn't thought it was serious before. But I sure wouldn't want any of them to get hurt like in the OPs thread.

[Miss Sherry]

Dd 10 (nearly 11) accidentally hurt her friend. I don't know why, but she's always wanting to lift everyone up! This started years ago, and I think it's her keeping up with her older brothers. Really, she's such a sweet kid, and one I rarely have issues with.

 

Well, at chess club 2.5 weeks ago dd lifted her friend, who weighs quite a bit more than her. Her friend asked her to put her down (she wasn't mad) and I don't think dd could do it gracefully as the kid, two years older and, again, much more weight on her than dd (not chubby or fat!) so she let go. Her friend crashed into the ground and hit her tailbone quite hard. :sad: This girl is SUCH a sweet girl and it breaks my heart that she was hurt. I also adore her mom and we are becoming very good friends.

 

Last night the mom and I went out to meet some other friends from our homeschool group. On the drive over, as we were talking, S.'s mom was talking about gymnastics and one thing lead to another, and she told me that S. had to sit out for now because she hurt her back, had to have x-rays, and needs to go to a chiropractor for adjustments. I know that a friend pays for her gymnastics (they don't have much money as her husband is in the ministry and she works very limited hours as a hairdresser) and her friend forgot about it when things started up in September. My friend wasn't going to ASK for help so her girls didn't do it until just recently. The woman told her to let her know next time but it's embarrassing for my friend. She won't do that. So anyway, gymnastics just started up for them and now S. has to sit out, hopefully for only one week.

 

Also, during gymnastics when she had to do some kind of roll, it hurt her tailbone so bad that she shifted her weight and now her neck is giving her a lot of pain. She's going to have it x-rayed on Monday. :crying:

 

The mom felt bad when I felt so bad (honestly, I was really fighting back tears! I felt HORRIBLE!!!) and I'm so thankful that she knows my dd didn't mean harm. Still, dd IS responsible. Obviously I've spoken to her and told her that I do NOT want her to pick ANYONE up anymore. I shared what happened to S. and I could see her eyes welling up. I told her that I knew she didn't MEAN to hurt S. but she did and now she's got to apologize. She absolutely agreed and I could see how much it bothered her.

 

So we feel just awful. We want to do something for S. Even dh says we have to do SOMETHING. She's got a lot of food restrictions and I don't even know what she can eat. So baking cookies and giving flowers, along with a sorry note/card, is out, as is having them over for dinner. Dd is most definitely going to apologize to her. But what would you do? I wish dd could do some chores for her but really, I just can NOT drive her to their house every day and wait around while dd does her chores.

 

I'm thinking of a nice lounging outfit, like a velour sweat suit, and a good book. Along with the most important thing: an apology.

 

Thoughts? WWYD?

This behavior is soooo common. Who hasn't had to say to their child or someone elses playing with their children to put so and so down or you are going to hurt yourself ?

Well, since the Mom would not accept cash from you to go toward the dr visits maybe a gift certificate would be a nice gesture.

But in situations like this I think the best thing is to teach our children to forgive one another when accidents like this happen. I think your daughters apology and a nice gift are sweet gestures that will help the other girl forgive but forgiving may not be a problem for her in this case anyway.

Try not to keep feeling bad about this.

We've had something similar happen but on the other end. A neighbor boy, who I had already told NOT to do flips on the trampoline, did a flip and landed on my dd and broke her ankle over a year ago. It cost us just a few hundred dollars under $3,000. I still feel bad about it at times because if I had checked on them more often, especially after the neighbor boy had broken the rules, I could have prevented it from happening.

[Impish]

I completely disagree with the concept that Denise should punish her dd for picking up the girl. It was an accident, for crying out loud!

 

These girls are friends, and were kidding around, and something bad happened. Period. They weren't in the middle of a fistfight. Denise's dd wasn't brandishing a gun. She jokingly picked up the other girl and accidentally dropped her.

 

Ok, so Denise's dd has now learned a lesson about how she shouldn't pick up other kids. And I'm sure she learned the lesson, as it's clear that she is very remorseful. Denise has done all the right things by offering to pay for the girl's medical expenses, and the other mom isn't angry at either Denise or her dd.

 

I think a nice get well gift would be appropriate, but I don't even think it's necessary that Denise's dd be required to pay for it out of her own money. If she'd done something malicious, I would feel entirely differently about all of this, but it was truly an unfortunate accident, and because she was sorry about what happened, I don't see this as being a punishable offense.

 

The poor girl is a good kid who did something silly and goofy, and her friend was injured as a result. She has learned that she needs to think about the consequences of her actions, and that even when you are just kidding around, something bad can happen if you're not careful. She's sorry, no one is angry, and Denise has done the right thing by offering to pay for the girl's medical expenses. I think some people are blowing the whole incident out of proportion.

 

Cat

:iagree:

Denise,

 

:grouphug:

 

Some kids are touchy-feely-huggy-lifty-rough-housey kids. Five Languages of Love, anyone?

 

P.S. Did anyone else think of a Prayer for Owen Meany?!?!

I did, because its one of my all time favourite books! :lol:

[BethInNH]

As far as I know, these were 12 year old girls, not older gang members who DO know better. They were kids being kids. Just like your son and your daughter, except that I'm pretty sure your daughter knew what would happen if she (and she did) kicked her brother in the face. This situation is totally different. Sometimes as parents, we don't have to build a lesson into every little thing our children do something wrong.

:iagree:

[myfunnybunch]

So yes, she needs to pay for the copays and the friend's losses for her injury.

 

Not if the friend has said no thank you.

 

I agree that children need to learn lessons in childhood, but I hardly think that a child who hurt a friend by impusively picking her up, and who feels devasted knowing that her friend was hurt, will end up in juvenile (or adult)court someday if her mother doesn't punish her further.

 

It's one thing to know what you would do as discipline in this situation and to share that. It's entirely another to insist that a situation that has been resolved gracefully between the two parties involved should have been handled your way.

 

Cat

[ma23peas]

So we feel just awful. We want to do something for S. Even dh says we have to do SOMETHING. She's got a lot of food restrictions and I don't even know what she can eat. So baking cookies and giving flowers, along with a sorry note/card, is out, as is having them over for dinner.

Thoughts? WWYD?

 

Just to make you feel better, my kids sometimes ask me what was one of my worst moments as a kid...well, a big kid, I was a 10th grader and playing a prank on a dear friend in our circle of friends...he was an Eagle scout and a sweetheart...when he came to the lunch table I pulled his chair out from behind him and he fell on his tail and broke his tailbone!! It was by far my worst moment in childhood...I still get knots in my stomach thinking about it, he, of course was a gem about it and laughed it off...but it probably saved me from a lifetime of bad pranks...lesson learned, and sometimes that's the best we can hope for our children, to not repeat the wrongs! :)

 

If I were you I would send them a care basket...give them a gift card to a restaurant, a bottle of tylenol, a stuffed animal/pillow and a book of games (sudoku) something to keep her occupied in doctor offices...just something put together to show thoughtfulness and a letter written by your daughter saying how sorry she is...it will go far! :)

 

Bless you!

Tara

[stephanier.1765]

As the parent on the receiving end, I'm not sure doing something for the family would be appropriate. My son's front teeth were knocked out with a baseball bat by his best friend. Best friend wasn't paying attention as he was warming up at the batting cage and backed into my son as he was swinging the bat. Finances are extremely tight with us and, at that time, we did not have dental insurance. The first emergency visit alone cost over $400 and over a year later we are still dealing with the costs at hundreds of dollars a pop. The other family did offer to help pay but I declined and when I told my DH he also wanted to decline. If it had been malicious, then we would have felt differently but kids make mistakes and accidents happen. If best friend had got my son a little something to say he was sorry that would have been okay, but to have gotten the family a grocery or gas card would have made us feel weird. I think the relationship between the two families might have been changed by that. Besides, seeing the anguish on best friend's face was more than enough apology. That kid could not have been more sorry. So my advice is to get a little something for the friend if it would make your daughter feel a little better but don't feel as if you have to. The other family didn't do anything for my son and that was just fine and I think that helped them continue a normal relationship. They are still the best of friends.

[annandatje]

That was quite an assumption on your part that I am litigous. Just being a witness in a criminal trial was enough to convince me to steer clear of "justice" system for the rest of my days.

 

A few years ago, a homeschooling family in our group had party for their 12 year old son T. Typical boy roughhousing ensued, leaving one boy W with a bruised coccyx. The mother in charge quickly called out her son T, who was responsible for guest W falling onto floor. When W's mother picked him up, T's mom told W's mom about the incident. W's mother demanded another apology there on the spot. W's family sued T's family not only for medical bills but also for pain and suffering. T's family's homeowners insurance company settled with W's family.

 

I worked with a woman K who was being sued by parents of a neighbor boy who broke his foot during backyard boy roughhousing. Unfortunately they were refusing to settle with insurance company. I don't know whatever became of it but it caused unbelievable stress for K. She could not sleep at nights. K left the firm before case went before judge so I don't know what became of it.

 

Interestingly, the suing mother had a dance studio in a strip shopping center. My partner had designed the studio. She never paid him for it, and he never tried to collect because it was under his threshhold. A year or so later, partner received notice that the design debt was on her bankruptcy list of creditors.

Edited November 20, 2010 by annandatje

[Denisemomof4]

It WAS an accident, yes, but it was one that COULD have been prevented had there been some forethought.

When my son was going to trial, there were two gang members whose case was being heard before us and I'll never forget what the judge said to the one (who had hurt someone and said it was an accident) He said "a tree falling and hitting someone on the head is an accident." there was more, obviously, but he made certain that the man knew that even though he had no INTENTION of hurting anyone-he didn't control his actions and therefore what happened was no accident. See the difference?

 

I had to tell this story earlier today when my daughter had 'accidentally' kicked her brother in the face and cut his lip. But she was doing something she knew she shouldn't have been doing and hurt him-no, it wasn't a purposeful kick, but had she not been doing what she ought not have-it wouldn't have happened.

 

Yesterday, my kids were drinking hot cocoa and my smaller son took a baby doll and made it 'jump' on my older son's head while he was taking a sip. Older son choked. No, little son had no intention of making older son choke-but he should not have been jumping the doll on his brother's head! It wasn't an 'accident'.

 

So yes, she needs to pay for the copays and the friend's losses for her injury. And, having broken my tailbone, they hurt-a lot. They take *months* to heal.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to both of them. These are hard lessons to learn, but best learned when young and not in front of a judge.

 

ok, but we REALLY need to understand that my dd is TEN YEARS OLD. Forethought into picking up her friends? I'm glad so many chimed in and stated that their kids do it, so glad teachers chimed in that kids do it all the time. It wasn't an accident that she picked up her friend. It WAS an accident that she dropped her. Just as if she was holding something heavy and she dropped it on her friend's foot and broke the foot.

 

This friend DID NOT BREAK HER TAILBONE, and there are NO COPAYS, NO COSTS AT ALL. Mom made that CLEAR.

[Denisemomof4]

 

Denise -- I know you! We have spoken on the phone and emailed extensively -- I know how upset you probably are and how heartfelt your desire is to help and make amends. This family knows this b/c anyone who knows you is aware of what a kind, sincere person you are.:grouphug:

 

aaawww, shucks. YOU are such a DEAR, Mariann!!! You're wonderful!!!!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

thanks so much! I really do appreciate everyone's input. I was surprised at some of the responses, and I want to thank some of you who came to my defense. Dd wasn't a troubled hoodlum acting inappropriately, she was playing and doing something that appears to be entirely normal with kids. I see it all the time as do most of you. Someone's been hurt so we no longer allow this.

 

Dd has all the punishment she's going to get. She feels horrible that her friend was hurt because of her. She talked about it tonight while we were out. I can see how awful she feels.

 

It's been a long night. I'm going to do some catching up here and then veg in front of the tube.

[Mom-2-7]

I've been the mom on the other side.

About a year ago, my ds and his buddy were goofing around. The boy wrestled my ds to the ground. In the process, my ds broke his collar bone.

 

I never, for one single second:

Blamed the boy

Blamed the parents

Thought about suing

Thought the boy needed any punishment

or thought any gift was necessary

 

It was an accident.

 

We had copays. Ds missed 2 months of swimming lessons. It never occurred to me that the parents should pay for that.

 

They did however come over later that evening when we got home from the doctor. They brought ds a gift and the boy apologized. They did offer to pay his medical. We refused. The gesture was appreciated.

 

I'll say it again: It was an accident. It happens.

 

The mom is still one of my dearest friends. Ds and the boy are nearly inseparable.

 

So, I think a nice gift for the injured girl would be appreciated. Since the family is hurting financially maybe a gift card would be nice, but not necessary. Then let it go. One day you and your friend will laugh about it.

[Danestress]

When I was a kid, most Moms had a "if it's not spurting blood, I don't want to hear about it" rule. Only the really monstrously insane Moms tried to prohibit normal rough housing when kids were playing together outside. We felt very sorry for kids who had Moms who were that anxious and controlling. None of us had Moms who said, "never pick up another kid or you will face a serious consequence."

 

This whole conversation just seems over the top to me. Do we really want to live in a world where ten year old kids can't rough house a little without being raked over the coals when someone falls on her fanny? It seems so stupid.

 

Except for one thing. Going to a doctor has become ridiculously expensive. And we still do it all the time. I can't really imagine my mother taking me to doctors because she thought my tail bone was broken. She would have iced it and given me a blow up ring to sit in, and that would have been the end of it. Missing a week or two of gymnastics would not have phased her. This happened to a friend of mine, and that's exactly what he did. I still remember him laughing about the blow up donut thing.But he said that there was not much else you could do.

 

So here we have a girl who is going to doctors and chiropractors, spending a ton of money, and in the end, probably will be told to take it easy and sit on a pillow. Okay, maybe more. Who knows. But what we do know is that the cost of those visits is astronomical. So I guess sometimes we do all want to tell our children, "Never touch anyone under any circumstances." We fear liability, and we see parents as "stuck" with medical bills, when really, that's just part of having kids. It's too expensive for many people to take a relaxed approach.

 

Anyway, OP. I am sorry. It seems to me that your daughter is a perfectly normal 10 year old, and I would really want to lift this burden from her. I don't think she should feel guilty another second. My neighborhood kids have had all kinds of injuries - fingers and wrists fractured in basket ball, bruises and sprains playing football, etc. I don't really want to tell my children they have to stay inside, and if kids are going to mix it up a little physically, there WILL be some injuries. If you play enough basketball, someone will get his finger jammed. You offered to pay. They refused. Done.

Edited November 20, 2010 by Danestress

[idnib]

Sent you a PM with an unconventional suggestion...

[Sonshine]

A child who was playing around (but was too rough, the act was all one sided, and the kid was at least 12) gave my son a near concussion several years ago. Although they had plenty of money (the dad was a doctor ironically) they never offered to pay for the emergency room visit or asked us if we had insurance (we didn't). Honestly, it lowered my opinion of this family. It happened at church and my son blacked out for several minutes - people were very concerned and bugged us to take him to the emergency room, which we finally did after he kept vomiting - we were not not overreacting. That their son did something foolish and caused possible harm to our son, costing us money and they could afford to reimburse us but didn't - can you tell it still bugs me? However, I have never discussed this with anyone besides my husband before now and don't wish this family any harm. My husband is not the suing type, so even if it had caused harm, we would have not pursued legal action against them. Just to give you a viewpoint of someone who has been on the other side, although the circumstances aren't exactly the same.

[myfunnybunch]

When I was a kid, most Moms had a "if it's not spurting blood, I don't want to hear about it" rule. Only the really monstrously insane Moms tried to prohibit normal rough housing when kids were playing together outside. We felt very sorry for kids who had Moms who were that anxious and controlling. None of us had Moms who said, "never pick up another kid or you will face a serious consequence."

 

This whole conversation just seems over the top to me. Do we really want to live in a world where ten year old kids can't rough house a little without being raked over the coals when someone falls on her fanny? It seems so stupid.

Except for one thing. Going to a doctor has become ridiculously expensive. And we still do it all the time. I can't really imagine my mother taking me to doctors because she thought my tail bone was broken. She would have iced it and given me a blow up ring to sit in, and that would have been the end of it. Missing a week or two of gymnastics would not have phased her. This happened to a friend of mine, and that's exactly what he did. I still remember him laughing about the blow up donut thing.But he said that there was not much else you could do.

 

So here we have a girl who is going to doctors and chiropractors, spending a ton of money, and in the end, probably will be told to take it easy and sit on a pillow. Okay, maybe more. Who knows. But what we do know is that the cost of those visits is astronomical. So I guess sometimes we do all want to tell our children, "Never touch anyone under any circumstances." We fear liability, and we see parents as "stuck" with medical bills, when really, that's just part of having kids. It's too expensive for many people to take a relaxed approach.

 

Anyway, OP. I am sorry. It seems to me that your daughter is a perfectly normal 10 year old, and I would really want to lift this burden from her. I don't think she should feel guilty another second. My neighborhood kids have had all kinds of injuries - fingers and wrists fractured in basket ball, bruises and sprains playing football, etc. I don't really want to tell my children they have to stay inside, and if kids are going to mix it up a little physically, there WILL be some injuries. If you play enough basketball, someone will get his finger jammed. You offered to pay. They refused. Done.

 

Yes. This, all of it. Especially the bolded part.

 

Cat

[2squared]

It's not just kids doing this crazy behavior. My dh picked me up last night and carried me around the house to elicit laughs from the dc. He's 40yo and an attorney. :D

[unsinkable]

It's not just kids doing this crazy behavior. My dh picked me up last night and carried me around the house to elicit laughs from the dc. He's 40yo and an attorney. :D

 

:lol:

 

This just made my day!

[hsbaby]

It's not just kids doing this crazy behavior. My dh picked me up last night and carried me around the house to elicit laughs from the dc. He's 40yo and an attorney. :D

 

Hahahaha!!!! That sounds like something we would do!! I am so mature that I often hide from dh just so I can jump out and scare him. Good times.....:lol:

[unsinkable]

Hahahaha!!!! That sounds like something we would do!! I am so mature that I often hide from dh just so I can jump out and scare him. Good times.....:lol:

 

Now, this is not funny. I hate being scared/startled.

 

Your DH should sue you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol:

[Gwenhwyfar]

it's so weird to think of someone suing because two kids were goofing around and one got hurt - that's like.... childhood. :p

[JFSinIL]

Altho your dd is just 10, I think she, and therefor you, are responsible. Perhaps the mom was trying to politely hint that she needs help paying the medical bill. I think if that happened to my child, especially if they did not want to be lifted up, I'd be quite upset, and would want to be reimbursed if the injury was that severe.

 

I agree. Your kid did cause the injury, so you should be playing for the medical treatment. At least play for the co-pays and chiropractor! It is the responsible thing to do!

[Gwenhwyfar]

I agree. Your kid did cause the injury, so you should be playing for the medical treatment. At least play for the co-pays and chiropractor! It is the responsible thing to do!

 

if you read back through the thread, the other family has no costs to pay and has REFUSED any financial assistance that the OP (very kindly) offered.

 

 

...and what IS this? we banged each other up all the time as kids and nobody ever went chasing the other family for money.... a friend of mine dared me to ride my brother's bmx down the big metal slide at the park - she helped me haul it up the ladder and even gave me a push at the top...i smashed up my face pretty good when i flew off the slide AND the bike --- guess what my folks did? told me that i was an idiot and got me patched up. ;)

 

(oh and my brother yelled at me for using his bike without asking)

 

then there was the kid who dropped a hammer on my brother from up a tree....

 

and the roller skate race down a hill....

 

the sled jump and resulting concussion....

 

and the "experiment" (who needs most of their hair anyway)

 

etc.

 

kids do dumb stuff. :p

Edited November 20, 2010 by Gwenhwyfar

[Mommyfaithe]

if you read back through the thread, the other family has no costs to pay and has REFUSED any financial assistance that the OP (very kindly) offered.

 

 

...and what IS this? we banged each other up all the time as kids and nobody ever went chasing the other family for money.... a friend of mine dared me to ride my brother's bmx down the big metal slide at the park - she helped me haul it up the ladder and even gave me a push at the top...i smashed up my face pretty good when i flew off the slide AND the bike --- guess what my folks did? told me that i was an idiot and got me patched up. ;)

 

(oh and my brother yelled at me for using his bike without asking)

 

then there was the kid who dropped a hammer on my brother from up a tree....

 

and the roller skate race down a hill....

 

the sled jump and resulting concussion....

 

and the "experiment" (who needs most of their hair anyway)

 

etc.

 

kids do dumb stuff. :p

 

:lol:

Yep...like the time my brother tried to be Evel Kneival and jumped a truck (egged on by all of us) on his bike and landed on the fence by his boy parts:tongue_smilie: YIKES!!!

 

And the time we all tried to lift a pinball machine and it was dropped on my foot...breaking my toes....

 

 

and the time .......:lol::lol::lol:

[silliness7]

This thread is giving me heart palpitations. I can't even pay our own medical bills let alone someone else's if my dc accidentally hurt someone while they are playing. Even our heartfelt apologies would be financially limited to a homemade card and maybe some cookies. Makes me want to prohibit all interaction with other people. I guess from a strict judicial point of view it seems reasonable for the OP to pick up the tab for medical expenses that aren't covered if there were any...but there aren't. Whew!

 

I wonder what the advice would be if the offending family was struggling financially and the other family had zero insurance. I can't even fathom it. In all fairness it would be the same advice but certainly how it played out in the real world would be vastly different and I shudder to think of it.

 

Most of us carry car insurance and homeowner's insurance that would cover accidents to others that meet certain criteria. Maybe we need a new kind of personal insurance that would pay in cases of accidental injury to another's person while NOT operating a motor vehicle or that did NOT happen on our own personal property. Sheesh! Just one more premium. One more bill. Just put it in that pile over there. :tongue_smilie:

[sparrow]

I haven't been able to read the boards over the past few days because we've been traveling to various get togethers, visitations, and finally, yesterday, the funeral of a very dear friend. My husband's best friend. There were so many wonderful people we got to reconnect with over the past week and it has REALLY put many things in perspective.

 

Do you know what most of these grown men laughed and cried over? The STUPID, dangerous, make your hair stand on end antics they got into with Bob. The times that they made it, unbelievably, without getting hurt and the times when someone had to get stitches.

 

Gosh, people. These were two little girls playing and someone accidentally got hurt. I saw Bob's 10 yo niece pick up my daughter at the after funeral luncheon yesterday. Kids do that! The tone this thread took on really just makes me :001_huh:. Especially, now.

 

Denise, it sounds like you have good friends. I think a small gesture, a cozy one, like a Snuggie and a book, would be sweet.

[DarlaS]

 

Denise, it sounds like you have good friends. I think a small gesture, a cozy one, like a Snuggie and a book, would be sweet.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

(And I'm sorry to hear about your friend. He sounds like someone who will be dearly missed.)

[DarlaS]

When I was a kid, most Moms had a "if it's not spurting blood, I don't want to hear about it" rule. Only the really monstrously insane Moms tried to prohibit normal rough housing when kids were playing together outside. We felt very sorry for kids who had Moms who were that anxious and controlling. None of us had Moms who said, "never pick up another kid or you will face a serious consequence."

 

This whole conversation just seems over the top to me. Do we really want to live in a world where ten year old kids can't rough house a little without being raked over the coals when someone falls on her fanny? It seems so stupid.

 

Except for one thing. Going to a doctor has become ridiculously expensive. And we still do it all the time. I can't really imagine my mother taking me to doctors because she thought my tail bone was broken. She would have iced it and given me a blow up ring to sit in, and that would have been the end of it. Missing a week or two of gymnastics would not have phased her. This happened to a friend of mine, and that's exactly what he did. I still remember him laughing about the blow up donut thing.But he said that there was not much else you could do.

 

So here we have a girl who is going to doctors and chiropractors, spending a ton of money, and in the end, probably will be told to take it easy and sit on a pillow. Okay, maybe more. Who knows. But what we do know is that the cost of those visits is astronomical. So I guess sometimes we do all want to tell our children, "Never touch anyone under any circumstances." We fear liability, and we see parents as "stuck" with medical bills, when really, that's just part of having kids. It's too expensive for many people to take a relaxed approach.

 

Anyway, OP. I am sorry. It seems to me that your daughter is a perfectly normal 10 year old, and I would really want to lift this burden from her. I don't think she should feel guilty another second. My neighborhood kids have had all kinds of injuries - fingers and wrists fractured in basket ball, bruises and sprains playing football, etc. I don't really want to tell my children they have to stay inside, and if kids are going to mix it up a little physically, there WILL be some injuries. If you play enough basketball, someone will get his finger jammed. You offered to pay. They refused. Done.

 

 

My mom never would have taken me to the doctor for that either--and we had great insurance (even covered chiro). I was thrown from a horse once when I was 12, and could barely walk (couldn't run at all) for about 6 weeks. No doctor. I didn't want to go as I was afraid if my dad knew, he wouldn't let me get a horse (We were trying out horses at the time--didn't buy that one obviously!!)

 

She did eventually take me to the chiropractor a couple years later, and it turned out my spine was literally rotated. I still had some upper back pain (most noticeable when bringing in wood) and she thought it should be checked out. The chiro said that was most definitely caused by landing pretty hard on my shoulder (Gee, I wonder when that happened? :tongue_smilie:).

 

I still see that same chiro. I still hurt myself regularly, only now all I need to do is get out of bed. :D

[2squared]

Most of us carry car insurance and homeowner's insurance that would cover accidents to others that meet certain criteria. Maybe we need a new kind of personal insurance that would pay in cases of accidental injury to another's person while NOT operating a motor vehicle or that did NOT happen on our own personal property. Sheesh! Just one more premium. One more bill. Just put it in that pile over there. :tongue_smilie:

 

Well, we do carry an umbrella policy. It's well worth the $200/year to protect our financial assets.

[Denisemomof4]

I've been the mom on the other side.

About a year ago, my ds and his buddy were goofing around. The boy wrestled my ds to the ground. In the process, my ds broke his collar bone.

 

I never, for one single second:

Blamed the boy

Blamed the parents

Thought about suing

Thought the boy needed any punishment

or thought any gift was necessary

 

It was an accident.

 

We had copays. Ds missed 2 months of swimming lessons. It never occurred to me that the parents should pay for that.

 

They did however come over later that evening when we got home from the doctor. They brought ds a gift and the boy apologized. They did offer to pay his medical. We refused. The gesture was appreciated.

 

I'll say it again: It was an accident. It happens.

 

The mom is still one of my dearest friends. Ds and the boy are nearly inseparable.

 

So, I think a nice gift for the injured girl would be appreciated. Since the family is hurting financially maybe a gift card would be nice, but not necessary. Then let it go. One day you and your friend will laugh about it.

 

thank you for posting this. I also did not sue, blame, get angry when dd's wrist was broken due to a mistake my friend's kid made. They weren't even GOOD friends. Kids can't make the judgment calls at the level of an adult and I knew this kid did something stupid, something he NEVER thought would result in an injury.

 

We paid out of pocket for deductibles, copays, etc. and let it go, too.

 

My friend who's dd was hurt is a GREAT person. The two of us laugh SO hard together and TRULY enjoy each other. I know we'll get past this, but I just feel AWFUL. We're going out shopping today for them.

[ma23peas]

I agree. Your kid did cause the injury, so you should be playing for the medical treatment. At least play for the co-pays and chiropractor! It is the responsible thing to do!

 

Disagree...on so many points...accidents happen, there was no malicious intent...I am so tired of the outrageous lawsuits out there b/c no one feels they should be imposed upon by someone else....please, coffee spilling in your lap too hot and it's McDonald's fault?

 

Saw a video yesterday where a girl and her friends were having a bachelorette swim party, her bridesmaid pushed her into the pool as she has sooo many times in the past and due to a freak accident, the girl was instantly paralyzed..did she sue her friend to pay for all of her medical bills? Absolutely not, she's handled it amazingly and is still best friends with her...

 

We just take it too far sometimes.

 

Tara

[smrtmama]

I don't think it matters right now how the OP talked to her daughter about not picking people up. I think that post was sort of rude. The girl picked up the other girl and someone got hurt, that is the root of this question, not about how the 12 year old should or should not be picking someone up. Anyway, since the family doesn't have alot of money, can you get the girl a gift card and maybe offer to pay for some of the chiropractor visits? I know they aren't cheap so I feel for you. Your poor child. So sad as she did not intend to hurt her friend. Poor things the two of them.

 

But it does matter, for several reasons:

 

1. If the mother has spoken to the daughter about it and she did it anyway, then the burden of making amends needs to fall primarily on the daughter.

 

2. If the mother has NOT spoken to the daughter about it, the burden of making amends should fall primarily on the mother.

 

3. Either way, the girl shouldn't be picking people up without their consent, so that's a conversation that needs to happen and repercussions for violating that made clear.

[Renthead Mommy]

Yes, kids play, kids get hurt. It happens.

 

And yes some friends/parents are wonderful and understanding and feel their kid is their responiblity and when kids being kids things happen.

 

But remember, just because your friend, who is wonderful and understands how kids are, isn't asking for anything, you still could get sued/filed against later on.

 

Insurance companies don't know or care that kids play, accidents happen, it's your best friend or worse enemy. All they know is they paid out X dollars to fix Insured Person 123. So they are out money.

 

If Insured Person 123 got hurt at their own home doing something themselves then yes, that is what insurace is for.

 

But in the eyes of an insurace company, if Insured Person 123 got hurt somewhere else, by someone else, even if it's an accident, then they can go looking for re payment for money the insurance company lost. In their eyes, your daughter damaged their person and they had to fix it.

 

Going after money they fell is owed to them to cover money they had to put out is all part of their business. Your friend would have nothing to do with this and no control over it.

 

Do I think we need to bubble wrap kids to keep them from being hurt or us from being sued? Of course not.

 

Do I think we need to sue parents of kids being kids when accidents happen? Of course not. (Things dones maliciously is a different story, let's not get into that here.)

 

The reason we all have insurance is help when there is some sort of accident and companies are counting on us paying into them and then nothing happening. But don't expect businesses to be as forgiving as friends.

 

As for the friend - if she's a real active kid, used to being out at the gym and doing things all the time, sudden forced down time my be hard for her. And when it's forced like that, it seems twice as long. If the family doesn't want anything, and if they'd feel uncomfortable with gift cards for food or gas or gym payment or whatever. Maybe the best thing your daughter can do is spend time with the friend during the forced down time. Help her pass the time. If your daughter has to give up an activity or event to spent time, there's another lesson learned.

 

But it sounds like a movie together, a couple of board games, painting toe nails, and hanging out to fill time may go a really long way. For both friend and mom.

Edited November 20, 2010 by Renthead Mommy
left a sentence out.

[Denisemomof4]

When I was a kid, most Moms had a "if it's not spurting blood, I don't want to hear about it" rule. Only the really monstrously insane Moms tried to prohibit normal rough housing when kids were playing together outside. We felt very sorry for kids who had Moms who were that anxious and controlling. None of us had Moms who said, "never pick up another kid or you will face a serious consequence."

 

This whole conversation just seems over the top to me. Do we really want to live in a world where ten year old kids can't rough house a little without being raked over the coals when someone falls on her fanny? It seems so stupid.

 

Except for one thing. Going to a doctor has become ridiculously expensive. And we still do it all the time. I can't really imagine my mother taking me to doctors because she thought my tail bone was broken. She would have iced it and given me a blow up ring to sit in, and that would have been the end of it. Missing a week or two of gymnastics would not have phased her. This happened to a friend of mine, and that's exactly what he did. I still remember him laughing about the blow up donut thing.But he said that there was not much else you could do.

 

So here we have a girl who is going to doctors and chiropractors, spending a ton of money, and in the end, probably will be told to take it easy and sit on a pillow. Okay, maybe more. Who knows. But what we do know is that the cost of those visits is astronomical. So I guess sometimes we do all want to tell our children, "Never touch anyone under any circumstances." We fear liability, and we see parents as "stuck" with medical bills, when really, that's just part of having kids. It's too expensive for many people to take a relaxed approach.

 

Anyway, OP. I am sorry. It seems to me that your daughter is a perfectly normal 10 year old, and I would really want to lift this burden from her. I don't think she should feel guilty another second. My neighborhood kids have had all kinds of injuries - fingers and wrists fractured in basket ball, bruises and sprains playing football, etc. I don't really want to tell my children they have to stay inside, and if kids are going to mix it up a little physically, there WILL be some injuries. If you play enough basketball, someone will get his finger jammed. You offered to pay. They refused. Done.

 

You are so wise and I agree with everything you've written.

 

I'm not trying to punish my dd or make her feel bad. I wish I could bring her to her friend's house to help her friend with her chores ONLY because her friend is feeling discomfort. I'm not trying to make my dd feel bad, she already does simply because she KNOWS what she did caused another pain. And because of her sweet, delicate spirit, it really bothers her. My dd is such a beautiful person, inside and out, and she doesn't have a bad/mean bone in her body.

 

My dd feels awful. We're going to buy her friend a gift. We both want to do this. Beyond this, you're right and we're going to let it go. My friend already has.

[Murphy101]

I think it's great that most of us aren't sue-happy people.

I think all kids do stupid crap.

I think that doesn't mean there aren't consequences or we don't discipline for it.

I think whether I would sue someone is not relevant to whether they could sue me.

I think if my kids do something stupid that causes someone to be hurt, they have to suck it up and suffer the consequences.

 

If some of you wouldn't take your kid to the dr, that's your call. I probably wouldn't take my kid in for tailbone pain either. I've fractured my tailbone and know there's not much to be done. But I certainly don't fault another parent for taking their kid to the dr.

 

If they don't need help with the medical, that's great.

If you can't help with the medical, then do something else.

If they feel their kid was an equal partner to the problem, that's great and equal fault.

 

But no, I don't think that kids being kids means they and sometimes their parents don't have to suffer for the error in judgement.

 

Not to mention this was at a chess game. It's not like they were playing at the park. Rough housing during chess is not normally acceptable behavior.:001_huh: