S/O Were You Bullied in PS

[Retired]

I always wondered how many of us homeschooling moms (or dads) experienced bulling. This was not the only reason I chose to home school but it has always been in the back of my mind.

 

I didn't want my boys experience the pain I went through. I was bullied and scared my whole 9th and 10th grades years in high school.

 

I had matured and toughened up by my 11th grade year. I learned to cuss and act like a b*tch so the bullies didn't mess with me anymore.

 

I just never wanted my boys to change their personalities, have low self esteem, be scared all the time. All in the name of getting an education.

[Avila]

I was small, terrible at sports, and gifted academically, all of which painted a huge target on my back.

 

I honestly think the bullying today is more sophisticated and starts earlier, at least from what we witnessed when my oldest DD was in school. I don't want that kind of toxicity to determine her interests or who she becomes.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I bullied and was bullied. At different times in my life, I was in different places in the pecking order.

 

My belief is it was ALL useless. Being bullied did not make me better, it brought out the worst in me. And being the bully was certainly not something I am proud of.

[MariannNOVA]

I didn't attend public school but my younger sister did and she was bullied unmercifully. When my mom found out, she took her out of the school, but it went on for some time before mom found out. I answered the poll regarding her.

[Mabeline]

I was small, terrible at sports, and gifted academically, all of which painted a huge target on my back.

 

QUOTE]

 

Me too. I was in a small school so it wasn't too bad. There was still a lot of jealousy and resentment. Kids can be very mean and I don't see why my kids should be tormented just because they are not the meanest or loudest or whatever.

[specialmama]

I bullied and was bullied. At different times in my life, I was in different places in the pecking order.

 

My belief is it was ALL useless. Being bullied did not make me better, it brought out the worst in me. And being the bully was certainly not something I am proud of.

 

:iagree: I was a bully from grade 8 and on. Targetting only one girl mind you (my x-best friend) but that just makes it that much harder to bear knowing that I was/am responsible for being the ringleader that poured so much hurt onto one person alone. I've tried to find her to apologize, but she's left no trace of her whereabouts. I can't say I blame her. I was really, really mean. I'm certain she was afraid for her life. :crying: It's a chapter in my life I am utterly ashamed of and I wish I could go back and fix it. I only hope she rose above it somehow and didn't do anything drastic. I pray for her regularly and think of her often.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I witnessed and/or experience bullying at public, parochial, and a prep school:001_huh:

[gingersmom]

I was bullied in 2-3 grades by a girl twice my size. I don't remember ever telling my parents. My mother would have told me to get over it anyways.

 

My brother bullied other kids (he's 6'2 now and always towered over others). We would get on the school bus and he would look in their lunches and take whatever he wanted to eat. I never said anything because he towered over me and I just was happy he was not picking on me. Sad but true.

 

My daughter was not bullied in school but had to deal with cliques.

 

My son had one incident, the principal did nothing till I threatened to call the police and sue. That sealed my decision to homeschool.

[4kiddies]

I wasn't bullied but that doesn't mean school was great either. I just never felt like I fit in anywhere.

[specialmama]

I wasn't bullied but that doesn't mean school was great either. I just never felt like I fit in anywhere.

 

I hate that feeling! :grouphug:

[SproutMamaK]

Depends what you mean by bullying. I was teased and made to feel like a loser, yes. But I was never threatened in any way.

[snickelfritz]

I didn't answer the poll, since the answer is too complex. Like someone else said, the pecking order varied depending on the year and the age. I can remember specific instances, but not a time when bullying dominated what went on in my life.

 

Overall, I had enough of a core group of friends, that I have generally fond memories of school. I also had lots of interests, which I think helped give me an identity away from the "pecking order." I was too busy. And I can say that as someone who was NOT miss popular cheerleader, but WAS voted most likely to read the entire encyclopedia. :)

[dirty ethel rackham]

I went to a parochial school and was emotionally bullied for 6 years. I was a shy, sensitive goody-two-shoes so that made me a target. When they found out that I was a bedwetter, well, as you can guess, it went downhill form there. There wasn't physical bullying, but the harassment was soul-shattering. There are days when I still don't feel whole - 35 years later. It affected my self-esteem as well as warped my relationship with my family and with God. I have to say that this experience is part of the reason why I homeschool. Sometimes I worry that I tried too hard to protect my boys that I instilled fear in them (I have been reading "Protecting the Gift"), but I also know that my oldest would have had a similar experience. He already experienced some bullying even in our protective cocoon.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Depends what you mean by bullying. I was teased and made to feel like a loser, yes. But I was never threatened in any way.

This is bullying - emotional bullying can be just as harmful, long-term, as physical bullying. Physical threats are not the only way to make one feel unsafe.

[Cedarmom]

I was bullied. But what bothered me, and what I really wanted my son to avoid was the "lesser teasing'" You know how if you raise your hand too much, you're teased. or if you look a litttle dfferant, your teased. In my school you quickly learned the number one rule of survival: Be just like everyone else and you will fit in. The bigger bullying, I fought back because i knew it was wrong. But the lesser I interanlized, and learned my lesson well. That is what I wanted my son to avoid.

[6packofun]

My dh was bullied. I was not because people knew not to mess with me. lol (But I was not a bully myself! :) )

[elegantlion]

Yup in fourth grade. My one girl who made fun of my curly hair and got all the girls to gang up with her. I was new in school. :glare: Even worse her mother was the junior high gym teacher, so I had her mother for 3 years. Lovely woman, not. Apple didn't fall far from the tree. I had undiagnosed exercise induced asthma so the few times I almost passed out going running around the track she didn't do anything except verbally berate my effort.

 

Then there was the kid at the bus spot who made fun of me, yelling verbal taunts after me. I was a skinny kid with a genetically larger posterior, got my daddy's genetics, not mom's. His comments were horrible.

 

So all the things I was ridiculed for were things that I couldn't change.

 

I never told my parents because they were so passive I knew they wouldn't do anything. I finally told my mom a few years ago. We had a nice talk about it.

 

It took until I was 40 to realize how devastating it had been to my self-esteem for years. I had to forgive them even though I haven't seen them for years. I've had a lousy body image most of my life, it's better but I still struggle with it. Still wish I had gotten my mother's long legs. (sigh)

[Only me]

My husband and I were both bullied in school. We were both small for our age. My husband learned to compensate with a smart mouth and people started to think he was funny and left him alone.

 

I was shy and fairly smart and a "goody-goody" meaning that I wouldn't swear or call other kids names or smoke or drink. I remember being sat on in first grade by a boy who was much larger than I was. Then the kids would hold my bare arms down on the hot pavement. Once I was punched in the stomach on the way home. My mom talked to the teacher about that one and made it seem like I was the problem since I was so shy. This is the same boy who got rewarded every day after school with a candy bar if he didn't disrupt class that day.

 

It didn't get better until junior year in high school. Freshman year I was on crutches and this mean girl would always kick the crutches out from under me. The same girl would always slam my locker door when I would go to put my hand in.

 

I really hated school!

[Harriet Vane]

Yes. In third grade, there were some 5th graders who took every possible opportunity to mock me for my too-small clothes. It was very hard.

 

In a different school district, my 5th and 6th grade years were sheer misery. The bullying was constant, systemic, and tolerated. It was truly awful. I thank God for one teacher, Mr. Daniels, who was a great help to me in a kind, understated way.

 

In 7th grade I participated in harassing a girl because her gym shorts were too small. At one stage I woke up to how mean our words were and was terribly ashamed. I stood up to my friends about it and never bullied anyone ever again.

 

Switching from a dreary series of unhappy public school experiences to a small, private, Christian school was truly wonderful. It was such a kinder, gentler, friendlier environment. The difference in atmosphere as well as the far more interesting and challenging academics changed my perception of education forever.

[melissel]

Depends what you mean by bullying. I was teased and made to feel like a loser, yes. But I was never threatened in any way.

 

I was lucky in that I only experienced a minor amount of bullying in high school. In that instance, a more influential friend was right there to stick up for me, and she did, vociferously. The bully backed down right away, and it turned out she was feeling badly because I had new sneakers (this was for cheerleading, which I did for very short time) and her family couldn't afford them :( Even at that age, I recognized what was going on and was sad for her. I still remember vividly the fear the whole event brought with it though.

 

I was not popular among the boys (I wasn't a girly girl, was the kind always seen with her nose in a book), but oddly enough, I WAS popular among the girls. It was an odd dynamic, and I'm always surprised and thankful that things didn't turn out the way they seem to more stereotypically.

 

Regardless, bullying and cliquishness weren't the main reasons I decided to HS--academics were. The fact that we're more likely to avoid the bullying and cliquishness, and that I'm more likely to be there to help deal with it, is an excellent side benefit though.

[Tree House Academy]

I wasn't...I won't say that no one ever said anything bad about me or made fun of me or whatever, but I wasn't bullied. I wasn't a bully either. I tended to have a few close friends and that was my crowd. We really didn't care what the others thought or said about us. I wasn't popular, persay, but I wasn't a big nerd either. LOL I just did my own thing. In highschool, I spent a lot of time with my boyfriend and I don't even remember much else about school.

 

My older son had a kind-of bully when he was in ps. He has a big mouth and can be really annoying to other kids...but this one kid kept saying, "you will die tomorrow on the playground." The principal did nothing about it and my son was no help. He kept making fun of the bully to the rest of the class even with the threats. It was a MESS. (I can relate...I had a big mouth in school too. Still do, sometimes, but age has helped me regulate it...)

 

ETA: I take that back. In 7th grade, I weighed about 87 pounds and was starting to bloom. I started talking to a boy my age and little did I know, there was another girl in the school who was interested in him. She threatened to "beat me up" if I talked to him. I talked to him anyway. One day, she punched me going down the hall by the lockers. It really would have never bothered me, be she weighed about 400 pounds. I was afraid if we ever fought, she would squish me to death. It never came to fruition...we never fought.

Edited February 10, 2010 by Tree House Academy

[Crimson Wife]

I hit puberty about 18 mos. before most of the other girls in my grade and was wearing a 34B bra by the beginning of 6th grade. I experienced horrible s*xual harassment, which was shrugged off in those days as "boys being boys". :cursing:

[Vanna]

I was physically and emotionally bullied and picked-on in every ps I attended.

 

Once, in 5th or 6th gr. I was chased home by a classmate's older sister who beat me in the head with the end of a majorette's baton whenever she closed in on me. Thankfully I only lived a block from school.

 

I was picked-on a lot in jr. high, but those disagreements never resulted in fist-fights b/c it was a specialized school and students didn't want to get suspended.

 

In 9th gr (hs) I got into 2 fist-fights w/the same girl on the same day who was determined to beat me up b/c we were "allegedly different" nationalities (I think this girl was sick in the head). We were both suspended for a week as this was the school policy for fighting on campus. Oh, and the girl was unsuccessful in her "quest" -- I beat her up while defending myself.

 

This all happened in NYC.

 

I'm glad my children don't have go through what I went through.

[TheTwinsMom1]

I was bullied all through school as I was gifted and got along better with adults than kids my age. I was also poor. School did not become fun until I joined the band in middle school. Us "band buddies" hung together in our own little circle.

[Night Elf]

I said No, because I was never truly bullied. Mostly I was ignored because I wasn't part of the in-crowd. I didn't belong to any crowd though. I got laughed at sometimes, but I think everyone gets laughed at sometimes. I know I've laughed at people. :)

[babysparkler]

Not me (that was done more in my neighborhood than in school) but Dh was bullied pretty heavily on the school bus and at school b/c he was highly intelligent. I, on the other hand, had REALLY long hair that the bully-type girls adored and loved to play with, so they took care of me ;)

[Tree House Academy]

Oh gosh...I forgot about the bullying I did in school until reading through your posts. :( I felt bad about it before I ever got out of grade school, but the damage was done by then. She was pitiful - large and smelly. She didn't bathe, didn't use deodorant, and when she started her period, she was at school and wearing white pants. It didn't help that she also picked her nose and ate her boogers. :( Finally, she found a friend and with her friend, she rose out of the despair and became her own person. Thank God for that. She was teased horribly in grade school. It was so pitiful to watch her sit alone each day while I always sat with a group of girls. At the time, it ate me up on the inside, but I was too worried about my own place in the pecking order to take up for her (I was a cheerleader afterall *insert eye rolling smilie*). Once, I even participated in a group effort to buy her shampoo, tampons, and deodorant. We were actually TRYING to help her...it just didn't exactly come off that way, as you can imgine. I am very ashamed of those years (5-6th grade).

[Holly IN]

I voted yes.

 

Now with that in mind..... bullying happens even in Sunday School which is the case in my two younger children. Right now we are talking with the boy's parents. This boy can do no wrong in his parent's eyes. So we are dealing with this situation the best way we know how. My dd has autism so there were a lot of verbal abuse directed to my dd by this particular boy. My other young son is physically bullied by this same boy.

 

Bullying can also happen in homeschool group. I have seen it but none of my kids experienced bullying in homeschool group. In church they have.

 

We do not homeschool for bullying reasons. We homeschool for other reasons.

 

Holly

[....]

One of my sisters and I dropped out of high school because of this very issue...

 

My sister was on and off medication.

 

We both ended up going to college (eventually) and graduating.

 

What a waste of three years...:glare:

[lisamarie]

I was for 2 years. Twin girls that lived in my neighborhood that I was friends with up to 4th grade apparently made a new friend down the street over the summer who decided to hate me and that led to pretty constant bullying in 5th and 6th grade. I remember hiding from them in my classroom during lunch recess. I developed some pretty bad stomach issues from always being stressed out and anxious about it. The summer after 6th grade, I begged my parents daily to switch me to the private school that some of my church friends went to. THANKFULLY they agreed and switched all us kids over. My life definitely took a turn for the better.

 

My mom claims now that she had no clue what was going on. I don't know what the truth is--if I really didn't say anything or if she just ignored me thinking I was overreacting. I just know that if my kids ever have a similar experience, I will not be a passive parent about it. Heads will roll.

 

My dad was picked on by a girl when he was a kid. After months of this, my grandma told him that he could fight back if necessary. One day the girl was picking on him again so my dad pushed her down into a mud puddle and ruined her brand new white coat. The teacher tried to punish my dad but my grandma stood up for him and said "Nope, I told him that he could fight back, and that's that." This is the kind of parent that I will be.

[lauranc]

I answered 'yes' --- I had, what appeared to some other grade school girls, unusual eyes. I was made fun of about my looks for years.

 

As I got older, I cared less and less about what other kids thought. By the time I was in high school, I was pretty feisty-- there were some girls who attempted to bully me, but I pretty much ignored them and they eventually got bored and stopped.

 

..Laura

[Holly IN]

My mom claims now that she had no clue what was going on. I don't know what the truth is--if I really didn't say anything or if she just ignored me thinking I was overreacting. I just know that if my kids ever have a similar experience, I will not be a passive parent about it. Heads will roll.

 

My dad was picked on by a girl when he was a kid. After months of this, my grandma told him that he could fight back if necessary. One day the girl was picking on him again so my dad pushed her down into a mud puddle and ruined her brand new white coat. The teacher tried to punish my dad but my grandma stood up for him and said "Nope, I told him that he could fight back, and that's that." This is the kind of parent that I will be.

 

We tried to be this kind of parent but it backfired on us. In a different church, my younger son was bullied by a girl. Physically bullied. We gave him permission to fight back by hitting her in the arm. First we had him tell the teacher and she kept shushing him. Then when he got her attention she didn't believe him. Then we talked to the teacher and she blew us off. After that we gave him permission to fight back. (we really do not believe boys should hit girls but if all options run out then they need to fight back!!) So the next time she hit him he hit her back. The teacher scolded him and punished him. She called us to the carpet on it. We stood our ground and told her we tried all options to put a stop to this but "you" refused to listen to our son and us. So she threatened to remove our son from class if we continued to give him permission to hit. She still didn't get that the girl hit FIRST!!! So she spread stuff about us....sigh!! You know the rest of the story. We pulled him out and then just went to church only. That is that.

 

I agree! We have to give boys permission to defend themselves but also to try to tell an adult in charge what is going on. If issue is not resolved then they need to defend and protect themselves.!

 

Holly

[lynn]

Not until we moved to West Palm Beach. Everything bad that happened to me happened in S Fl.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

This is bullying - emotional bullying can be just as harmful, long-term, as physical bullying. Physical threats are not the only way to make one feel unsafe.

:iagree::iagree:

[MamaT]

I went to a small school in a small town, so everyone knew everyone else and so did my dh. The only time anyone tried to bully me was in 7th grade. A BIG girl who thought I had tripped her playing basketball, pushed my head into my locker when she walked by after gym. She walked to her locker and never looked back. I was a tiny, tiny child. I'm sure she didn't expect me to do anything. Imagine her surprise when a chair hit her in the back of the head. She, nor anyone else, ever bothered me again.

[5sons]

I wasn't bullied too badly, but did have to toughen up like op said.

 

Kristen

 

ETA: Tammy you go!

[JenneinCA]

I answered YES!, but it isn't entirely accurate. I was bullied horribly in grades K-8, but I wasn't at a public school. I attended a church school. Church schools are not a guarantee that people will treat each other well.

 

I went to public school for grades 9-12 and was NOT bullied there.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I was unhappy at school, and I was very bored and saddened by public school, but I was only bullied once.

 

It was at the bus stop. We lived in the worst neighborhood in town, and a boy who was bigger and older than me had been teasing me for weeks.

 

One morning I was just done with it all. I hated the neighborhood, I hated the bus, I hated the school, but above all, I hated Chris. So I punched him in the nose as hard as I could. I still see him laid out flat on the pavement, blood gushing from his mouth and nose.

 

Right then the bus pulled up. Chris and the others all gave me a horrified look, and filed onto the bus silently. I got on last. The bus driver looked at Chris's face, looked at my bloody hand, and quietly asked, "Are you all right?" I whispered that I was, and took my seat.

 

Nothing was ever said or done about that incident (Chris never picked on me again, and several years later in high school we were actually friends) but the whole event made me even sadder. I had become the kind of person who hit people. I lived in the kind of place where girls had to do that, and even the adults just accepted and understood the deal.

[the4Rs]

I was bullied by one girl during my tenth grade year. She was in a gang and actually beat up boys at our school. I went to a large school, so imagine my shock when she targeted me. She really tried to hurt me in one P.E. class but at least the teacher intervened. She picked on me throughout the year. My husband never got bullied at school.

 

But both of us were extremely bullied by our older brothers at home. I preferred school to being home any day. My brother physically bullied me and we were very verbally abusive to each other. My husband's brother was mentally abusive. We still have scars we are dealing with with our siblings. Neither one of us had parents around very much and were left to fend for ourselves. Neither of our parents ever knew the extent of the bullying that went on. They still don't.

 

Part of the reason we homeschool isn't to protect them from the bullying at PS but to teach our son and daughter how to be respectful to each other and to love each other. Something my husband and I wish we'd been taught at home.

Edited February 10, 2010 by the4Rs

[hsbaby]

I wasn't, fortunately. I actually loved school. I think a lot of things have changed since I was in school, which had a big influence on my decision to homeschool. My oldest was actually in ps until 4th grade. I was appalled at some of the stuff that goes on!!!!

[smrtmama]

I was tall, gawky, socially awkward (guess that dispels the myth that PSing fixes THAT), and really brainy. With the exception of my equally brainy and awkward friends in my gifted class, the other children really disliked me. I was teased and/or ostracized with consistency until around 8th grade. I hit high school as an insecure 14 year old girl who was easy pickins for those predatory 17 and 18 year old boy-men in the senior class. I was so used to teasing from peers that I was an absolute idiot for the first boy who told me I was pretty and special.

[sassenach]

I wasn't bullied in the getting beat up sense. I did suffer through terrible sexual harassment from 7th grade on up. For the life of me, I don't know why I never told anyone. I was just so desperate to be liked, I guess.

[Impish]

Yeah, I was bullied until 10th grade, public school. It was great. Beat up at home by step dad, go to school for more of the same. Yay.

 

Wolf was bullied. He went to a private church school, and his mom was a teacher. They moved a lot, and he was usually the only 'non white' kid for miles around, let alone in the small church school. He was given the strap because a kid took his pencil and he wanted it back. His mom, when she taught him for a year, backhanded him in front of his classmates.

 

He found peace at a boarding academy.

 

When Diva was being bullied...that was what prompted us to homeschool.

[Jumping In Puddles]

Depends what you mean by bullying. I was teased and made to feel like a loser, yes. But I was never threatened in any way.

:iagree: I was teased unmercifully from about 2nd grade to 10th grade and I never told my parents. My teachers never told my parents either, though I'm sure they could see it. My brother knew but he pretended not to be my brother and he never told my parents. I fear that my kids will pretend they like school and pretend they have school friends just like I did. :crying:

[Mynyel]

Apparently I was. My mom took me out of middle school in the 6th grade and put me in a private school until 8th grade. I don't remember it but my mom says I had my books stolen, my lunches taken or my lunch money taken.

My husband grew up really poor. Trailer park poor. He never had nice clothes and they were always hand-me downs (this was in a time when hand me downs were bad, they are shabby chic now! :glare:). He always needed hair cuts. So he was always picked on about his clothes and hair.

My daughter was bullied a bit before I took her out of ps and she was only in 2nd grade!

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[mommaduck]

Yeah, I was bullied until 10th grade, public school. It was great. Beat up at home by step dad, go to school for more of the same. Yay.

 

 

Pretty much here also. I got it from the teachers also (both bullying by various teachers and physically slapped in the face by a teacher). My senior year I started taking Tae Kwon Do. Hubby had gone to Basic Training. My kid brother had started trying to beat up on me at home now that he was as tall as myself and hubby was no longer around to put him in his place. I finally had it when a male schoolmate knocked me off my chair. Standing two heads taller than me, I landed him a good one on the jaw (he's just had jaw surgery). Yep, no one messed with me after that, I got suspended (he did not), and I moved out of my folks house within a month.

[Dobela]

I was not bullied. I was part of the popular crowd mostly and had a wonderful school experience. My dh though was bullied some. He was poor from an alcoholic family and felt like he never fit in. Not to mention he was smallish and looked geeky.

 

MY brother was very bullied in school. Even by a teacher one year. He had a terrible time in school. We know now thta part of his ackwardness was because he had Aspergers, but we didn't know then. It was tough on him and my parents.

[Chris in VA]

THis thread is very hard to read. I'm so sorry so many have been bullied.

 

I moved in 7th grade but didn't have to change schools until 8th grade. From Day One there, I was tripped, laughed at, teased/made fun of, totally humiliated. This was so new to me, b/c from K-6th grade, I was considered very smart, and looks didn't really matter. I wasn't popular, but I was well-liked, and I never thought people didn't like me.

 

My grades plummetted, I hated school, I was so miserable. My mom never saw it, and when conferences occurred in Oct or so, she was furious that I made two D's and a C--never considering there might be a reason. She thought I was lazy or something. IT was horrible.

 

The same year, my Dad got a wonderful bonus at work--a huge "order," and also got picked up for DUI and Drunk Driving (two separate charges). It was a terrible year. My brother flunked out of OSU and my parents brought him home, not knowing he was smoking pot and drinking to excess.

 

My sons were both bullied in school--one, in 2nd grade, and one in third and then by gangs in 7th. There's nothing like coming home from a nice time with my toddler daughter to hear on the message machine, "Mom! Come get me! Some gangs are after me!" This was the start of our nightmare with ds18.

 

I hate the social crap that goes on in school. Dd will go to middle school over my cold, dead body. And if anyone bullies her like I was bullied, I'll probably end up in jail.

[swellmomma]

Yes by students and teachers alike. By grade 11 I snapped and turned into a crazy person terrorizing others for a year.

[6packofun]

I also want to add a little comment that bullying was not a strong reason for our homeschooling, BUT the sexual harassment that I put up with in jr. high and high school, mild though it was, is reason enough for homeschooling during those years. The things that are said and done by these oversexualized children would never in a million years be tolerated in the workplace of adults!! It's scary. Bullying today is probably much different than it was when I was in school, too.