S/O Were You Bullied in PS

[lionfamily1999]

Interesting, I don't see any posts that say bullying helped them to be better stronger people. Go figure?!?

 

 

 

 

 

Personally, I hated school. Dh hated school too. Neither of us fit in, both of us were bullied.

 

I put this in the other thread, I'll drop it here too. My nephew believes he's fat. He's 89lbs about five feet tall, blond, handsome, athletic. It seems, to me, that it's gotten worse (bullying) when a good looking jock is having issues with body image. But then, that could just be that I never hung out with the good looking jocks and they all felt that way.

[bluemongoose]

I moved a lot, so I was always the "new girl", plus I was very small, and poor. I never had the in style clothes or ones that fit really well. I was bullied often.

 

My DH was a social outcast because he was gifted. The teachers made him a "teacher" in the class instead of teaching him, so he was not looked on as one of the crowd.

 

Neither of us loved PS!

[Guest Katia]

In jr. high, I was bullied at the bus stop repeatedly until a 6feet tall senior girl basketball player stopped by my house and started walking me to the bus stop each day.

 

In 5th grade.....I was well developed and the young boys took every opportunity to touch me. I smacked one of them and *I* got in trouble for it.

 

As an adult, I was bullied in our homeschool group by lovely conservative Christian women. What a witness for Christ they were (NOT) to my children, who were directly affected by the decisions of these women.

 

I couldn't remove myself from the situations as a child, but I had no problem standing up for myself with the nasty ladies. They didn't like that at.all. Tough.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I have not read the responses.

 

I put no. I figured by bullied, you meant an ongoing issue and/or one that caused some amount of pain or fear. That was not my experience. Some kids called me fat (I wasn't) a few times. There was a time in 10th grade that some kids teased me about having a girl-girl relationship with my best friend. In 6th grade, a girl said she heard I called her mom a B****. I didn't. She didn't care. I refused to fight. She hit me 3 times and by doing so committed social suicide. Pacificism works :) It was all quite mild, short-lived, dumb kid stuff.

 

My hubby, I don't think, had an issue either. He was fairly popular (being witty and fine as all get out definitely helped). He probably did do a little bullying.

 

Anyway, socialization was a consideration towards homeschooling, but bullying was fairly minor of an aspect of it.

 

ETA: (please remember I have *NOT* read the thread!) I wonder if some people were more sensitive to bullying or view it differently than they would have if they were pro-school. It has just been my experience that people in general tend towards needing to be victims or having something wrong with them or whatever. Though I have NO doubt that there are people bullied and that ANY is wrong (and I stopped it in a 10th grade classroom today), I just wonder if people's definition has gotten pretty broad including much more stuff and a much wider degree than would have been the case in other generations. Again, PLEASE remember that I have NOT read the thread AND that I agree that bullying IS a problem. There is no reason to take what I believe is my observation personally!

Edited February 10, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[sarawatsonim]

I was and still am socially awkward and quite shy. Introverted is a good descriptive term as well. School was okay for me until 3rd grade and then we moved. Fourth grade to gr 8 were uncomfortable, with me never really finding my niche. Gr 9 I met my best friend, who still is my bf today. That didn't ease my social awkwardness, but it did give me a smaller sense of belonging. Gr 11 until graduation was a nightmare. A new tough girl transfered to my school and decided she didn't like my best friend and I. Name calling, threats, throwing stuff, purposely knocking us into lockers and once she tried to run us over (or a least made us think she was going to). To this day I remember the knot of anxiety I would get in my stomach when it was time to go to school, and the immense relief when I came home. I personally think I would have benefited from homeschooling.

[Donna]

I was never bullied in school. I tend to be introverted but I participated in sports and was valedictorian of my high school class. I only had 1-2 really good friends at any time throughout school but had a large number of aquaintances and got along with everyone at school.

 

Socialization or protecting my children from bullies was never a consideration in chosing to homeschool. I chose to homeschool for purely academic reasons.

[Desert Rat]

I was bullied more at my Lutheran elementary school than in PS.

[mommaduck]

I also want to add a little comment that bullying was not a strong reason for our homeschooling, BUT the sexual harassment that I put up with in jr. high and high school, mild though it was, is reason enough for homeschooling during those years. The things that are said and done by these oversexualized children would never in a million years be tolerated in the workplace of adults!! It's scary. Bullying today is probably much different than it was when I was in school, too.

 

:iagree: I came back to the states in 4th grade. In the Pacific we were rather sheltered. My first week of school in the midwest, I learned about "clothesburning" (boys pushing girls up against the bell tower and imitating sex with them). I didn't know about sex...talk about culture shock!

[CactusPair]

I was picked on since preschool and was bullied relentlessly in jr. high.

 

I'm still not over it.

 

And no, it didn't make me stronger or build my character. I hate when people say that.

[secular_mom]

I didn't vote. I was not bullied in the physical sense, but I was tortured by lies my 'friends' spread. It was a horrific experience.

[Ginevra]

I don't know if "bullied" is the best word, but I was teased heavily in 6th and 7th grade. Teased about clothing or hair, mostly. I had two serious confrontations with a known bully, but I managed to work it out.

 

Dh was only in a big confrontation once that I know of, when he was "the new kid" in sixth or so grade, coming from another city. He knew Karate, though, and he wrestled, so he came out well in the conflict. He doesn't have a lot of "bullying" memories from school, but I do. He's a more resilient personality than I, though, and I suppose that has an influence on it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

No bullying in my one-room school-house 1st - 3rd, 5th - 6th: Childhood spats and teasing, yes, but no bullying.

 

4th grade - U.S. public school: teacher introduced me as "our new friend from Japan". From then on in that town I've been "the Jap". Daily beat-up on the bus by a 4th grade boy until I beat him up. The driver looked the other way.

 

9th grade - U.S. public school: the first day of school I was greeted by "Hey, the Jap is back!" Bullied on the school bus for months until I had enough and punched a much older boy in the stomach. Slammed into lockers by seniors, had cold water poured all over me on icy wintery Michigan days. My science teacher took pity on me and let me hide out in his classroom until school started.

 

7th - 8th, 10th - 12th grades - boarding school. No bullying in school. Lot's of bullying in the dorm. Dumped on the fire escape when I was asleep, stuck in cold showers, swirlies, glass in the ice cubes (thankfully I was cut when taking the ice cubes out of the container).

[Charles Wallace]

I always wondered how many of us homeschooling moms (or dads) experienced bulling. This was not the only reason I chose to home school but it has always been in the back of my mind.

 

I didn't want my boys experience the pain I went through. I was bullied and scared my whole 9th and 10th grades years in high school.

 

I had matured and toughened up by my 11th grade year. I learned to cuss and act like a b*tch so the bullies didn't mess with me anymore.

 

I just never wanted my boys to change their personalities, have low self esteem, be scared all the time. All in the name of getting an education.

 

Without going for a drive in the self-pity waaaaaahgon, let me just say that this was a fairly important motivation for our decision to homeschool.

[kalanamak]

I was small, terrible at sports, and gifted academically, all of which painted a huge target on my back.

 

I honestly think the bullying today is more sophisticated and starts earlier

 

:iagree:With all of the above, except the gifted part. I followed a line of gifted brothers, and between the peers and the teachers who expected "things" of me, I was mis-er-ab-ble.

Plus I was a late bloomer. I ended up a C, but at 15 I had nuthin', and back then somethin' was ev-rah-thin'.

 

(I remember lamenting the fact no one would kiss me. A girl whose face, my blunt mother once told me, looked like the back side of a mud fence, got pregnant in H.S. I didn't want to be pregnant, but I knew this meant someone was kissing HER. If she was kissable, why wasn't I?)

[Jackie in NE]

5th-7th grade at public school. The gang following you around pushing you and kicking you kind of bullied. I told my parents. They thought it was funny and told me to toughen up. They were really too busy working to think about it. I started to hang out with the one crowd that accepted me.... yup you guessed it.... the potheads and boozers. I started lying and cheating and doing all those things that I knew were not really me. I was just a young girl who desperately wanted to be accepted. I was getting nothing at home. Then, my Freshman year in high school, the track coach noticed that I could run fast. She encouraged me to go out for track. That was it. I found my place. I think she saved my life. (and I still hold the record at my high school for the 1 mile run, thank-you-very-much). :001_smile:

And that's why I believe that there are good teachers and coaches out there that can really make a difference in a kid's life. It happened to me. That's also why I believe that I have to listen to my kids and always be on their side. If they embelish, and exaggerate a situation, so what. They only fooled me. If I ignore them and there's really a problem, I have failed them. I will always listen to my kids.

[Peela]

My dh's and my experiences were totally opposite. I can't recall ever being bullied at all- 2 public schools and an all girls private school. Dh however was bullied to the extreme by both older kids and teachers at his Catholic school (beaten every single day by the priests)- and he turned into a bully himself- a "defender" of the weak so to speak. It shaped his life immensely, actually.

[AngieW in Texas]

I was bullied from 3rd-6th grade in elementary school. It was mostly small stuff until one of them broke my arm during recess. After that, they didn't do much except burp in my face and lift me up by my belt loops while I was drinking from the water fountain.

 

I didn't have any issues with it in junior high or high school, but I tried to stay below the radar.

[Rhonda in TX]

It died down then. It's a big part of his refusal to send our kids to public school.

 

I wasn't bullied much. There was one psycho girl that I had P.E. with in 6th grade. She was really mean to me. Then, the next week, she would be super nice. Like I said, psycho. Other than that, I always say that I was ignored in school. That wasn't fun, either.

[Mommyfaithe]

I wasn't bullied in school and neither was dh...BUT...I did not have the best self esteem...and I saw other kids get bullied. It made me succumb to peer pressure too often, so I would not have to suffer a similar fate as those poor bullied kids. I became a bit of a loner...and I still am to some degree. School made me not trust people....

 

 

~~Faithe

Edited February 11, 2010 by Mommyfaithe

[Mommyfaithe]

But both of us were extremely bullied by our older brothers at home. I preferred school to being home any day. My brother physically bullied me and we were very verbally abusive to each other. My husband's brother was mentally abusive. We still have scars we are dealing with with our siblings. Neither one of us had parents around very much and were left to fend for ourselves. Neither of our parents ever knew the extent of the bullying that went on. They still don't.

 

Part of the reason we homeschool isn't to protect them from the bullying at PS but to teach our son and daughter how to be respectful to each other and to love each other. Something my husband and I wish we'd been taught at home.

 

:iagree:

 

Siblings can be awful....Mine was bipolar and extremely agressive. School was better than being anywhere near him. I do not allow him near my children even now. My parents knew about his abuse of me (he was 3 years older and twice my size (I was tiny for my age)) but they never did anything to stop it. Quite frankly, I think he bullied them as well. Very sad.

 

~~Faithe

[jenL]

I bullied and was bullied. At different times in my life, I was in different places in the pecking order.

 

My belief is it was ALL useless. Being bullied did not make me better, it brought out the worst in me. And being the bully was certainly not something I am proud of.

 

:iagree: I'm ashamed to have ever picked on anyone, but I did. For me bullying doesn't have to mean physical abuse by peers. Often the mental abuse is far worse, IMHO.

 

In 7th grade, my ENTIRE group of friends, headed by this one nasty girl, told me they didn't want to be my friend anymore. It was so painful, and it scarred my friendships for many years because I was SO terribly afraid of feeling that hurt again. Ironically, two of my very best friends (who are still in my life), came of that experience. I would never wish it upon anyone.

 

As someon else mentioned, I also feel today's kids are more skilled at the bullying, and it definitely starts much earlier from what I've seen... it's all so very sad.

Edited February 11, 2010 by jenL

[Garga]

All types of bullying, but mostly the pariah kind of bullying. No one wanted to be near me. If they touched me by accident, they'd recoil. I was very alone and lonely. This went on from 4th grade to 11th grade. I cried every single night the entire 9 months of school. If you do the math (8 years x 270 days a year) it was 2160 nights of tears. Really--I cried every single night in the school year. I looked forward to going to bed so I could cry out all the pain of the day. Big, wet, sloppy, heaving tears. (I rarely cry as an adult. It's like all the tears are used up.) I never told my mother. It would have made her feel bad and there was nothing she could do about it.

 

This was in 2 different Catholic schools and 2 different public schools.

 

I felt pain over these memories until I was 36 years old.

 

Somehow or other, last January (when I was 36) I found myself in a counseling session at church, and somehow I ended up talking about this. I really am not sure how it all happened. (I hate talking in counseling sessions!) Anyway, the counselor had me write down each and every episode of bullying I could remember and then deliberately forgive each person.

 

And all the pain of the loneliness and bullying left, just like that. It's been over a year and hasn't come back. Even reading all these responses (which normally would have me crying, remembering my own childhood) hasn't brought back that pain at all. I'm freeee!!!

 

Dh was bullied as well. He was short, fat and smart.

 

It is a factor in our decision to homeschool. Not the deciding factor, but it's there.

Edited February 11, 2010 by Garga

[KidsHappen]

According to this poll, 3 out of every 4 people were bullied as children. Do you think this is representative of the entire population? Or just homeschoolers? If so many people were bullied, who was doing the bullying? Or is this just how unsupervised children act? Why is this such a huge problem in our society? Just curious. :confused:

[Jean in Newcastle]

According to this poll, 3 out of every 4 people were bullied as children. Do you think this is representative of the entire population? Or just homeschoolers? If so many people were bullied, who was doing the bullying? Or is this just how unsupervised children act? Why is this such a huge problem in our society? Just curious. :confused:

 

Many of the bullied, became bullies. And it isn't just our society in the U.S. (or those countries that people reported from). In Japan, a country known for being relatively crime free, bullies are a problem in school. Children commit suicide there from being bullied by classmates and teachers.

[eternalknot]

Neither of us was bullied, in any of our years of schooling.

 

It wouldn't have occured to me to homeschool for this reason; it just didn't register at all when we discussed schooling options. It's been eye-opening to read this thread, wow.

[Catherine]

"Other" option needed. I was bullied mercilessly, and I bullied others, I am extremely ashamed to say. It's not why I homeschool, but it helped : )

[IsabelC]

Depends on what you define as bullying. I never had to suffer dangerous abuse like some people but there was definitely ongoing teasing and unkindness from some people, enough to make me not want to be there.

[lynn]

:iagree: I'm ashamed to have ever picked on anyone, but I did. For me bullying doesn't have to mean physical abuse by peers. Often the mental abuse is far worse, IMHO.

 

In 7th grade, my ENTIRE group of friends, headed by this one nasty girl, told me they didn't want to be my friend anymore. It was so painful, and it scarred my friendships for many years because I was SO terribly afraid of feeling that hurt again. Ironically, two of my very best friends (who are still in my life), came of that experience. I would never wish it upon anyone.

 

As someon else mentioned, I also feel today's kids are more skilled at the bullying, and it definitely starts much earlier from what I've seen... it's all so very sad.

 

 

The mean girls start early. I so want to protect my dd from this kind of situation. She has already experienced mean girls and she's only 4. I did not find out about it until we were riding home. She had met a neighbor girl at the play place and the girl told her "Don't follow me, I don't want you around" so my dd just went off to do her own thing. It broke my heart when she told me what had happened and the sad thing is she thinks this girl is her best friend. I just let it be and just don't let dd play with her. She's to old for my dd anyways but geesh...girls are just so mean. Of course the mother keeps telling me to bring baby girl to play. yeah right....not gonna happen.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I wasn't really bullied in the normal sense, but I was ignored and made to feel insignificant by more popular kids. I was tiny, shy, and smart. I was not in the "in" crowd but I did have good friends who were like me. In junior high I was anonymously groped a few times until I told a (larger friend) who walked in front of me to class, like a body guard.

 

However, I was very observant. I saw and heard enough stuff to make me believe that public school had a lot in common with a jail.

[lionfamily1999]

I saw and heard enough stuff to make me believe that public school had a lot in common with a jail.

:iagree:

[Ester Maria]

Neither of us was bullied or a bully. Of course, we had our fair share of typical childhood arguments and fights (not necessarily physical) over stupid stuff with other kids, and we certainly weren't born with social skills so it took a while for everything to settle in and to learn how to solve the problems, however, I wouldn't classify any part of that process as "bullying".

 

I actually had far worse experiences with professors than with other kids with regards to mental and psychological abuse (lots of that going on, especially in high brow schools), though those were, thank God, exceptions.

[Haiku]

I was not bullied on a regular basis, but my belief is that no one can get through school without being harrassed at some point. There was a time in high school when people started calling me Leslie (not my name), the implication being that I was a lesbian (I'm not), for no reason I could discern.

 

I was also on the drumline, and the guys on the drumline made all kinds of crude remarks about women's bodies and asked all kinds of inappropriate questions about what I did with my body. Even the one boy who was very sweet to me when it was just us but a monster when he was with his buddies.

 

The social environment in schools is pernicious and corrosive.

 

Tara

[Susan in TN]

I was bullied by an older neighborhood boy when I was younger, but not at school. I was simply ugly and stupid, and was an outcast. Beginning in Jr. High, when I "blossomed", I became a target for other kinds of harrassment. It makes me sad to remember - always feeling so alone and helpless.

 

Dh was very small until 11th grade and his dad was a preacher, so he was always the target for regular harrassment and beatings. He was actually a fast runner and good at sports, and wasn't afraid to fight back.

 

I tend to think this kind of poor behavior is more prevelant where there is no close supervision to act as a "moral conscience" and kids begin to think they are autonomous.

[runamuk]

I wasn't bullied so much as ignored. I was chubby, smart and shy, and didn't fit in with any of the "groups". I did have a few friends, but they were the weird kids, like me.

[lionfamily1999]

I was bullied by an older neighborhood boy when I was younger, but not at school. I was simply ugly and stupid, and was an outcast. Beginning in Jr. High, when I "blossomed", I became a target for other kinds of harrassment. It makes me sad to remember - always feeling so alone and helpless.

 

Dh was very small until 11th grade and his dad was a preacher, so he was always the target for regular harrassment and beatings. He was actually a fast runner and good at sports, and wasn't afraid to fight back.

 

I tend to think this kind of poor behavior is more prevelant where there is no close supervision to act as a "moral conscience" and kids begin to think they are autonomous.

I read this series last week, The Midnighters. At one point, an older woman says that everything changed with the invention of air conditioning. It seems like a silly thing to blame (Dogma - the movie - agrees with her, though). Her point is that, before a/c adults sat on the porch in the evening, attempting to keep cool. The kids were watched, because all of the adults were out. Once a/c was invented kids had the outside world to themselves. TV added to the issues. After TV mom and dad were glued to the screen, in the a/c and the kids were on their own.

 

I do think that there are so many outside things that keep us from being "together" in a general sense that it leaves many openings for bullying and all around bad behavior.

[MBM]

I was a defender of those who were bullied. Once, in fifth grade, a boy kept teasing a friend of mine relentlessly, so I kicked him in the shin and told him to knock it off. In that case, I was a bit of a bully, but it made me angry that my friend and the teachers wouldn't do anything about the situation. The boy stopped immediately.

 

I grew up with two older and two younger brothers and an older sister. I think that helped me learn to assert myself.

 

[SquirrellyMama]

I was not bullied but I witnessed kids who were constantly bullied.