LauraGB Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 (edited) dropping your dc and a small group of friends off at a mall to wander for a bit and catch a movie? By "dropping off", I mean you leave the bldg and pick them up afterwards. ETA - A situation has come up and I'm trying to decide just how unreasonable I'm being. I am curious what others think about this sort of thing. Thanks, Edited November 7, 2009 by LauraGB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam L in Mid Tenn Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 13 or 14. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Our kids don't go to the mall or movies without adult supervision. That will be the rule until they are at least 16, but probably 17 yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 My dd would have to be 14 probably but to be honest, it would depend on the friends. If I really knew and trusted the friends then 14 would be okay. I'd have some strong ground rules set tho. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 I'm not a fan of recreational shopping, especially for children and teens. Now, if a small group of friends were going to meet to buy Christmas presents or something . . . maybe. Maybe. I would feel comfortable dropping my 13 or 14 year old off to watch a movie with friends, here in our small town, assuming I had no reason to distrust the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 16 or never depending on the friends. Truly though, I couldn't stand the mall rats when I was a teen and I don't want my son to ever become part of that crowd. Yuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 I too strongly discourage "recreational shopping" and pointless "hanging out" unless it is here or at another kid's house where parents are present. Kids can quickly find themselves in an uncomfortable situation in a dark movie theater without parents present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Uh, never. Not at our mall anyway. There must be malls in America that don't have gang shoot-outs, groups of males trawling for young girls, obscene stores, and half-naked people walking around, but we don't have one in our town. I suppose by the time my children are old enough to drive, they'll be making those choices for themselves. BTW, I went to the mall for the first time in almost a year last night and I was reminded again of why I avoid it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 16 or never depending on the friends. Truly though, I couldn't stand the mall rats when I was a teen and I don't want my son to ever become part of that crowd. Yuck. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 I'm not anti-mall or anti-kids at the mall. We rarely go, however, and my kids have never been dropped off. I have sat in the food court when they've wandered as a family unit for a bit. I can't imagine saying "no" if my child was old enough to *work* at the mall! Dropping off with a group of known, select friends for a movie and bite to eat? 13 - 14 ish depending on the kid and peer group and mall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Well my kids are 12 and 13 and we haven't done that yet. I might allow a drop off at the mall (but I live in a town of 8000) with strict boundaries like I'll pick you up in an hour or so. I might allow going to the movie and picking them up right after but I kind of have a no hanging around rule (other than at someone's home). But we haven't done either yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 14 or 15 if they've proven themselves trustworthy, have trustworthy friends with decent parents, and are just going for the movie and maybe a half hour or so of eating or window shopping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 When my kids are old enough to drive, they can meet friends at the movies on their own. Until that point, an adult has to be along. When they're 17, that's when it would be ok for them to "hang out" at the mall, though it's just not done in our area (and I'm sooo glad!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 13 or 14. Same here. Depends on kid and kid's friends to some extent. But it's a way for them to have some independence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Probably 13. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 when they can drive there on their own. seriously. the mall is not a babysitter.:glare: if I hadn't worked at the mall for long in our earlier years, I might. but I did. so I won't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmarango Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 The mall here is full of older teenage boys that are just trying to check out/hit on the girls. There is no way that I would let my dd just wander around the mall without me in the background. We also don't have a movie theater in the mall, though. Our movie theaters are stand alone. Christina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 Thanks. I didn't think I was being unreasonable - turns out no one said 10 ;). (And no, it wasn't a suggestion made by dd - it was another mother) I'm of the When You Can Drive Yourself There variety, myself. Although, its not because I wouldn't trust my dc or even thier current friends, its because I don't trust everyone else that would be roaming around with them. I can see dropping off for a movie around 14-15, but I would feel better if the theater wasn't in a mall. If it were in the mall, I wouldn't leave that bldg. Thanks again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 I will never "drop my kids off" at the mall. First of all, it's 50 minutes away! :tongue_smilie: But really, if that's something they need in their lives, it'll have to wait until they are 17. That's when they can drive in NJ. (and I'm assuming they will be competent enough to pass the test when they are 17) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supertechmom Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Does the mall allow kids to be there without adults?? Ours is known to harass kids who don't' have parents present. I'm not sure if they have an actual rule but they don't like it and have been known to ask kids to call their parents to come and get them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wulfbourne Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Maybe 13 or so? But that's all theoretical because my kids are really young. It would depend on their friends, their maturity, the mall itself, and how long they're going to 'wander' before the movie. I could see them grabbing a snack at the food court before going or something, but not just wandering the mall for hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 My dd is 12, but most of her friends are a year or two older than her. There have been two occasions wherein she gave a friend a "shopping spree" for a birthday gift. On those occasions I brought the girls to the mall, gave them a cell phone, and I stayed in the food court or mall myself. We stayed less than two hours. For the gift end of it, at the beginning of the shopping trip I just handed the birthday girl her $20 and encouraged her to think through the best way to spend the money. I have not encouraged hanging out at the mall--I think it fosters ennui and materialism. Fortunately dd does not like being idle and is not materialistic by nature (lucky that it's just not a temptation of hers) so we have not had conflict in this area. If she were to ask me to just drop her off and leave for more than those few hours, the answer would be no. But, with a cell phone, a specific purpose for shopping, a time limit, and my presence there on the premises, I have felt fine. I would not be comfortable doing that for a 10yo, however. Even 12yo feels a bit young to me, though we fell into this level of independence largely due to the fact that dd's best friends are a little older than she is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgm Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 14, movies only and only close friends that understand & use the buddy system. The malls in this area do not allow anyone under 18 without an adult escort after 4 p.m. on Fri and Sat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imprimis Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Well, my dd is 14. She likes shopping, she likes meeting with friends at the mall from time to time. I have no problem with that. However, I do not drop her off as in "leave the building." My other two children and I stay in the mall. We go our way, dd and friend go theirs. We do "run into" each other occasionally, and I try my best not to embarrass her :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 (edited) I just had this come up a few weeks ago. We had a shopping trip planned with dd and two close friends for dd's birthday. Younger dd and I got sick and we couldn't go. My friend and I decided that the girls could go to the mall for a few hours by themselves. It's a nicer mall in a nicer area and one of them carries a cell phone. They were 15, 15, and 14. I was a little nervous, but it turned out great. It was also a great boost for dd earning my trust. ETA: We did this during the early afternoon hours while all the other kids were in school...advantage homeschool. I would not even consider it at 10, even if I was at the mall too. Edited November 7, 2009 by Angel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) Definitely not at 10! My older Dd started going to the movies with friends and no parents at 13 or 14. Our 2 theaters aren't attached to malls so that is not an issue. We have one little mall and the only reason she might want to go there is to go to the Manga store or buy herself shoes, and now that she is driving I would be okay with that, but not at 10. The only real teen hang out spot we have here is The Teen Center and when I was a teen it was the place to find the parties, someone to buy alcohol for you (18 and older were not allowed in the building, but did hang out in the parking lot), or drugs. My kids will never hang out there! ETA: If they are not old enough to stay home by themselves then I surely not going to drop them off someplace without supervision. Edited November 8, 2009 by akmommy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 My kids have been doing it for a couple of years, they are now 13 and 15. I think it depends on the mall, and the nature of the kids. My kids absolutely love that sort of independence and I think it's important for them too. If I felt they would get into trouble, I wouldn't allow it, but I don't, so I do :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieW in Texas Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Dropping them off and leaving them at the mall for several hours? Not until they are at least close to being able to get there on their own, at least 15yo. I have gone to the mall with all three of my kids and let them split up, but I stayed with my 11yo. The 14yo and 16yo could wander at will until I called to say that it was time to go. None of my kids has been at the mall alone yet and my oldest is 16.5yo. I will admit that none of my kids would have any interest in being dropped off at the mall for several hours though. When we do go, it's usually just for 1-1.5 hours and it doesn't last that long unless somebody is trying on clothes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Drop off at the mall-I was 14 when I started taking the bus to the mall with friends to watch a movie. So, perhaps 14-15. Drop off at a stand alone movie theatre, maybe 12/13. It would depend on the maturity of my children and their friends. 10-no way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Depends on your comfort level. 13 or 14 is okay here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I did not let my ds do this until he was 15. Even then, it was to see a movie with friends. I do not let him walk around the mall on the weekend nights. That seems to be when trouble comes around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 My 13 yr-old dd goes with the neighbor girl, 11...as long as they are with my almost 16-yr-old dd. Daytime only. Cell phones on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Depending on maturity level and trust issues, 13 or 14. I was 15 when my parents let me be dropped off at the movies or mall but we had recently moved from a smaller town to a big city and their had been a young girl found murdered very close to where we lived at the time. I think that definitely swayed their opinion of things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I always think about the fact that trouble runs in numbers.... I'm a bit concerned about unwise decisions, that they normally wouldn't make, like shoplifting. If you're with a shoplifter, you can be guilty, too. I'd be ok with my 17 yr old and my 14 yr old. and probably my 11 and 17 yr old.... I guess I'm lucky that my 17 yr old doesn't drive... Carrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) I don't know -- but definitely not 10. :) Unless he were with our 19 year old, obviously. We've never had that one come up. Aaron has gone to the movies since having a license, but often he invites one of us. ;) Edited November 8, 2009 by nestof3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 off at the movie theatre at the mall, right outside the door, and picked them up when the movie was over. My ds had a cell phone. I would do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tea Time Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 dropping your dc and a small group of friends off at a mall to wander for a bit and catch a movie? By "dropping off", I mean you leave the bldg and pick them up afterwards. ETA - A situation has come up and I'm trying to decide just how unreasonable I'm being. I am curious what others think about this sort of thing. Thanks, I don't have a really brilliant answer for you, but boy does this question bring back memories. I remember fretting over this issue, wondering if I was being reasonable - it seems like yesterday! I guess I let my dd do that when she was about 14, but we live in a small town and have a very small and safe mall. Even then I worried. I was very strict about the time allowed, too, and she had to follow my directions carefully to earn my trust in order to do it again, which she did very well. But how things change! My dd was just 17 when she went 8 hours away to college. She is a sophomore now, and next semester she will be studying in Europe! I can barely wrap my brain around that much change in such a short time. How can it be that they grow up so fast? So, whatever you decide is best, enjoy the "agony" of these decisions because it won't be long before you won't have to (get to?) make them anymore. And trust your gut! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Without reading any other replies, I'd say 13. I would feel somewhat comfortable with my 13-year-old walking around a mall unsupervised. But, I do live in the Midwest where everyone seems to feel safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 13. My dd is 13 and in the 7th grade and she just started doing this. It is a major production though that involves all parents involved calling each other to verify info. All teens have cell phones and most parents have the other teens cell phones numbers as well plus all the other parents phone numbers. My 10 year old is definitely not there yet. She does have drop off playdates with just a couple friends but that is it. There is a huge gulf between 10 and 13. The 10 year old is still just a little girl but the 13 years old is a teen working on becoming a young lady. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Sherry Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) My youngest dd just turned 14 and we don't drop her off at malls alone. Her brother, who is 21 takes her places. They went shopping tonight. He is very protective of her and would never leave her alone anywhere. I think the malls are less safe now than they were even a few years ago. When my 23 year old daughter was about 16 she wanted to go to an outdoor concert with a girlfriend in downtown Portland. I told her I would take them because I was not having them wonder around the waterfront alone. It was a good thing I was there. A very strange incident happened,that ended up with me yelling loudly to run off a very "high" on drugs person, but I don't have time to write about it now. I'm just very glad the girls were not alone. One of the reasons I think it is less safe for kids to be out alone now, than I think it was even a few years ago, is the increase in people being out and about in a drug induced or drunken state. Maybe there is not more, but I have just heard of more of it. For example, when my older daughter and some friends went out to see the July 4th fireworks a few years ago, there was a group of drunk or stoned young men that approached them and asked her friend to pull open her shirt and show them her b**bs. This was very upsetting to the girls. This is not the kind of thing I want my girls to be experiencing. Also, I believe that some kids do not tell their parents about their negative experiences when they are out alone because they do not want their parents to keep them from going out alone anymore. Edited November 8, 2009 by Miss Sherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 13 or 14. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Depends on the kid and the friends. My 11yo & 13yo go into our village to wander around with friends. I didn't let the 13yo go when he was 11, but now let the 11yo go 1) because he's more mature and responsible than his older brother was at that age, and 2) because he's there with older kids. I wouldn't let them wander around a mall at this age. There's just too much trouble they could get in. I love that several of the shopkeepers in our village know us and would let us know if the boys were causing any trouble or anything. So, to me, they're not really on their own. There are eyes everywhere. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 It depends. :) Back in our old town (moved a year ago), I'd let dd go to the daytime matinees with friends at 10/11 ~ small town, everyone-knows-everyone kinda thing; if they don't know you, they know your grandmother. ;) The mall there - I did drop her off a few times at 11 to do some birthday present shopping with a friend.. again with the small town, everybody-knows-everybody thing ~ it's a tiny mall, I've pretty near got a relative or friend/acquaintance working in every store. :D On the other hand, where we live now, she will NEVER go to the theater or the mall without me or another adult. Both are in a not-so-great area of town, and the mall in particular seems to attract a host of ...unusual... people. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsrevmeg Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 The last time I went to the mall on a Friday I thought a) I am sooo glad not to have a daughter. and b0WHERE ARE THESE MOTHERS??!?!?! There were tons of young teen and preteen girls walking around barely dressed and tons of older teen/young adult guys looking for young girls. ICK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrystal Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I have a 16 almost 17 yo dd and I still wouldn't do that. I have taken her to the mall and stayed there while she and her friends shop by themselves, but she always has her phone. To be honest, my parents never dropped me and left at the mall. At the skating rink, yes, but not anywhere that crowded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 My kids started going to the mall, the movies, etc when they had driver's licenses. The only exception is that once my husband dropped the girls off at the mall once when they were about 13 and 15 just so they could Christmas shop but it was weeknight, not a weekend. This was before we had a shooting in the mall, and then a woman abducted from the mall parking lot by a gang. Those two incidences have made me no longer feel good about our mall and the area around it. At one point our mall banned kids under 18 who were not accompanied by a parent on Friday and Saturday evenings, so it would have been a moot point anyway. I don't know if that ban is still in effect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I haven't read the other responses, but after reading "Hold On to Your Kids" I don't think I'll ever drop off a group of kids without an adult. No reason for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I haven't read the other responses, but after reading "Hold On to Your Kids" I don't think I'll ever drop off a group of kids without an adult. No reason for it. I agree, though I've not read the book. There are *so* many other ways our dc can be independent around here that the mall is just a waste of time for them. If they want to hang out with friends, I'd much rather it be at a home instead of around strangers. That's just me, though.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertDweller Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I think dd was 13. She went with a friend that's 14. I'm usually okay with one or the other, mall or movie. Not both. I don't care for the big group thing because, in my mind, there's more likely to be one or two that want to wonder off and get into trouble. But, if dd is with a close friend, their time is limited, their plans are discussed, cell phone is on, mom has given the list of do's and don'ts and it's the middle of the day, I'm okay with it. She doesn't ask to go very often, and it's not something I would allow on a regular basis. Occasionally though, I'm fine with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Never. I haven't read the other replies, so I am taking a chance being the only one who says this.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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