Have honest people become the new "freaks"?

[hsmom3tn]

I took my kids to a pizza buffet for dinner tonight and the cashier rang us up as 1 adult, 3 children. Well, my DS is 11 and is now too old for the child's buffet price, plus he usually eats at least 15 pieces of pizza (seriously), so I told her it should be 2 adults and 2 children because he is 11.

 

The woman looked at me like I had lost my mind and said "o-kay then". Is it really that strange that I was honest about it?

 

This has happened to me before when I was in a department store and bought several outfits for my girls. I got home and noticed that one of the outfits was not on the receipt. I went back to the store and told the cashier that she forgot to ring up one of my outfits so I needed to pay for it. She laughed and asked me, "Why in the world did you come back to pay for this? You could have had a free outfit!"

 

Am I strange because I try to be honest????

[Loupelou]

That happened to us last week at McDonald's. They had forgotten to charge us for one of the meals so I pointed it out and pulled out my wallet, both of the cashier's were taken aback and tried to tell me to forget it. Apparently, the little things don't matter anymore. What kind of responsible adult would I be if I let that lesson pass for my kids? :confused:

[Chez J]

store workers have actually thanked me for being honest about a mistake they made. You should read the book Our Cheating Culture. I'll open your eyes about this whole phenomenon.

 

Lesley

[joannqn]

Yes, we are the new freaks. I've shocked people with the same honest behavior, like the time I...

 

...asked if my infant could share my fries (free refills) or should I buy him his own even though he'd probably only eat 2 or 3

 

...the time I returned to pay for two balls they forgot to charge me for

 

...the time I told the cashier that the price on a certain item was higher than she was inputting

 

The other freakish thing is to apologize for your child's misbehavior when the other person thinks your child is being perfectly behaved.

[ncmomo3]

It must be an odd occurrence.

My dd gave a cashier $10. for a $6. purchase the other day and the cashier gave her 4 ones and a $5.

My dd came out to the car and told me what happened and she said she would take the money back in.

The cashier (older lady) was shocked and very grateful that she brought it back.

I do hope it really isn't so rare.

[Carol in Cal.]

...on what might have been a fraudulent hospital/surgical claim. It didn't cost me anything, because hospitalization was covered at 100%, and the woman I talked to sounded annoyed that I had even called.

 

Last week I backed VEEEERY slowly into a parked car (looking over the wrong shoulder. I still can't believe I did it.) So of course I left a note with my number on it. It was just a very slight scratched area on the fender, and the people I left it for were so surprised that I even left my number, they called to thank me and tell me not to worry about it.

 

Honesty is the best policy, but not the most stylish one, evidently.

[newbie]

Yes, and I think I am the biggest freak of all. I am always having to apologize for my honesty.

 

But, isnt that what it is all about. Truth.

[Garga]

Went to CiCi's pizza buffet. Told the man that my 2 kids would NOT need a drink cup because they only drink milk and I brought their milk.

 

He thought I said that the kids wouldn't be eating, so he didn't charge me for them. I didn't realize it at the time.

 

We got in line and I even asked the same man if he could make an all cheese pizza for the kids to eat. He did, but I don't know WHAT he was thinking about me. He must have thought I lied to him about the kids not eating. But he didn't confront me.

 

Later, it suddenly hit me that the meal was too cheap for all 3 of us. I checked and saw that he didn't charge me for the kids.

 

As we were leaving I went back up to the guy and told him that he missed the charge for the kids. He said, 'You said they weren't eating." I said, "No, I said they weren't DRINKING." He stared at me for a beat and then said, "For your honesty, I'll only charge you for one child."

 

I'm sooooo glad that I caught the discrepancy. I would have hated for him to think I was a stealing customer that lied to him and then ate his pizza for free. I'm so glad I was redeemed in his eyes.

[snickelfritz]

and noticed a box of laundry detergent on the very bottom shelf of the cart that hadn't been paid for.

 

I turned around and went back in to the same cashier to tell him. He started to ring it up and noticed a bag of my paid-for items that had been left in the bagging carousel. I paid much less for the detergent than I had paid for the other bag of stuff.

 

Not that that's why I did it. But, it was still a neat lesson for all of us. The cashier said something about God working in mysterious ways and I said "indeed He does." Not an elaborate conversation, but who knows how he was impacted. And my dd's would not have ever needed to know that I didn't pay for it. But, I think going back in was a good lesson for them.

[AFwife Claire]

I had a situation like this in Walmart a few years ago, when I was pregnant with my 6th child. I had bought a cart-load of stuff, plus a plastic dish drainer that was on the rack on the bottom of the cart. I paid, and when we got out to the car, I realized I had totally forgotten about the dishrack. All the kids were already in and buckled, but I dragged everyone out and back in to the store again. When we got in the door, the lady wanted to give me a sticker and direct me to the return counter. English was definitely not her first language, and she could not understand that I didn't need to return the item; I actually needed to BUY the item! It took a while, but I finally communicated where I needed to go, and she was very surprised! It was only a dollar or two, but I knew that not only was it wrong, it would also be a terrible example to my kids, and I was very glad I went in and paid. It was hassle though, and now I am very careful about checking the bottom of my cart!

[ChristusG]

This is me too. I always make sure I try to stay as honest as I can be. I know it is what God would have me to do and it is one of the easiest ways to do "good." As opposed to something like controlling my temper sometimes LOL....that is a bit harder to do.

 

I dont think I've ever had anyone look at me like I'm crazy. I usually get thanked.

[Debbie in OR]

I have had a few of those situations but the one that stands out was when my dh returned something for me and we didn't have the receipt but I knew how much I had paid for it (it had been on a great sale) and we had our credit card statement to show them. When my dh was in line to get it taken care of, the sales clerk got distracted with something and by then, a huge line had formed behind my dh. Anyhow, the clerk got all flustered with the line and quickly returned my item without looking at the credit card statement and put the refund on a gift card (since we didn't have the receipt). When dh got home that night, I found out that they had refunded the price based on what it was currently selling for, which was almost twice what I had originally paid for it.

 

By then, the store had closed and I had to wait until the morning. When I called and explained the situation, the manager was dead.silent on the other end. He could not believe I would call about it. He kept telling me not to worry about it but I couldn't let it go. He finally said all flustered, "Pleeease...consider it a gift from the gods." And he was done with the conversation. I was the one who was incredulous when I hung up. I had similar thoughts to yours...just weird that people would be so surprised. But reading these other stories, I am hopeful it's still the rule, not the exception. :001_smile:

[Peela]

I am not always completely honest (hows that for honesty :) ) but I do try to set a good example in front of my kids and model for them that its actually ok to go back and pay for something, etc.

Yes, I think that generally those types of values are sliding in our society, but I don't find them so rare in my circles.

[TXMomof4]

I don't know - I encounter a lot of wonderful, honest people. For example, I go to Sonic almost every morning for a diet coke (yes, it's a vice). One morning, I went and paid with a $20. I drove off and left my change - obviously I hadn't had enough caffiene yet that morning. The next day, the same girl was working the window and she had my change in her pocket for me. I didn't even realize I had left it. She could easily have kept it - but she didn't. I thought that was pretty impressive.

[dangermom]

I think a society can only tolerate a certain amount of cheating and dishonesty before it starts to fall apart. In the US, for a long time we've had a society that works reasonably well for most folks because enough people are honest enough to make it work. But as the level of general cheating rises, people can't trust each other, which breaks down the gears, so to speak.

 

When I hear stories of cheating in school, lying on resumes, willingness to cheat stores out of merchandise and so on, I sometimes wonder if we're heading downhill when it comes to general societal trust in one another. I worry that if it gets bad enough, life will become much more difficult.

 

So, everybody, thank you for your honesty.

[MyThreeSons]

but I've developed a personal policy: I try to get the situation corrected twice; if the cashier doesn't understand, I let it go. I'm not going to stand there and argue with them to take my money.

[TammyinTN]

We haven't been charged numerous time and have gone back in to fix it. I think by doing the right thing it teaches our children to be honest. The businesses are always thankful.

[Kay in Cal]

I'm honest, I will return and correct underpayments. I don't think I'm the only one... as this thread seems to show, there are lots of people out there who are honest. We've just been convinced by the media focus on dishonesty that we are not the norm.

 

I am an inveterate forgetter of things. My purse. My wallet. Glasses. Keys. It seems like at least every couple of years I leave a wallet or bag somewhere with all my money and cards inside. I've always gotten it back--either the business I left it at holds it for me, or some good samaritan who found it calls. Once I dropped my wallet on the sidewalk (must have fallen from my purse) and it was rescued and returned. Of course, maybe I'd learn to hold on to my things if people kept them?

 

I did once have my wallet stolen by a coworker out of my purse when I was a teenager, but never since! Oh yeah... my washer and dryer were stolen a couple weeks ago. But only twice in a lifetime is pretty good, really.

[TravelingChris]

I have found that people return things to me too. I had my cellphone fall out in the National Arboretem and a man visiting from PA returned the phone to me. I, in turn, always go back if too much change was given or I wasn't charged for something.

 

However, there was an auto parts store in Albuquerque where I never did anything like argue with the clerks. That store never had the right prices on the shelf. THey would forget to put their sale prices up. They would have special promotions from a distributor. I would simply watch that everything was rung up but not about the price. Inevitably, one or more of the prices didn't match the shelf but nothing in that store was organized and I gave up arguing after a time or two.

[Carrie12345]

I think a society can only tolerate a certain amount of cheating and dishonesty before it starts to fall apart. In the US, for a long time we've had a society that works reasonably well for most folks because enough people are honest enough to make it work. But as the level of general cheating rises, people can't trust each other, which breaks down the gears, so to speak.

 

When I hear stories of cheating in school, lying on resumes, willingness to cheat stores out of merchandise and so on, I sometimes wonder if we're heading downhill when it comes to general societal trust in one another. I worry that if it gets bad enough, life will become much more difficult.

 

So, everybody, thank you for your honesty.

 

I took the kids to our large library book sale earlier this week. We brought our own canvas bags so we wouldn't need to use the plastic bags the library was providing. They wouldn't let us because they felt they wouldn't be able to determine whether or not we were stealing. I don't understand the reasoning there, but that's what I was told.

 

I hate the fact that I'm assumed to be a dishonest person just because others are. I mean, I kind of get it, but it's so unfair!

[MyThreeSons]

Oh yeah... my washer and dryer were stolen a couple weeks ago. But only twice in a lifetime is pretty good, really.

 

From inside your house? Anything else taken?

[pqr]

This brings to mind a quote from one of the finest gentlemen that our nation has ever produced

 

The trite saying that honesty is the best policy has met with the just criticism that honesty is not policy. The real honest man is honest from conviction of what is right, not from policy. -General Robert E. Lee

[shalom22]

I have had two incidents at a local Kroger store which involved me ending up with someone else's groceries in my basket. The first time I notice I had a bag of bananas and I hadn't bought any bananas. I recognized the woman that was in front of me still loading her groceries in her car. I walked over and asked her if the bananas were her's. She was grateful that I got them back to her, she said that her kids would have been very disappointed that she didn't have the bananas.

 

The second time, I got home before I realized that I had a bag with two boxes of oatmeal in them. I didn't buy any oatmeal. So I called the store to let them know that I had some groceries that were not mine. I figured the person that had bought them would be calling the store about their shortage and I wanted the store know that the person was being truthful. The store told me just to bring them back on my next trip, which I did.

 

I try to be very honest, but I will admit that I haven't always lived up to that expectation. I have slipped up on a couple occasions, but I am working to improve.:D

[Tree House Academy]

This has happened more than once to us! I always try to catch the error and correct it. Normally, though, I am told "just consider it a freebie" or what have you. We went to McDonalds a few weeks ago and my kids wanted a toy. I decided to splurge and buy them each one. The kids already had a few of the toys and the lady brought over 4 different ones, dumped them in the kids hands, and said, "they can have those." ????? I am pretty sure the woman who did that was NOT the owner of McD's nor did she pay the bills or buy the toys. I always feel a little strange when someone who doesn't own the place tries to give my kids stuff.

 

However, when my kids were LITTLE, I left a bottle of shampoo in the cart under the little protable car seat thingie and didn't put it on the conveyer belt thingie to be rang up. I found it when I got to the car...but there was NO WAY I was going back in the store after being in there with 2 little screaming kids for 2 hours and having already buckled most everyone in. I paid for it on my next trip. The cashier thought I was NUTSO.

Edited June 13, 2009 by Tree House Academy

[rafiki]

.

[Rhonda in TX]

Well, it was until we quit discussing it.

 

She copies movies, CDs, etc. illegally. She has literally hundreds of them. She gets movies from Netflix, copies them, then sends them back. Her DH downloads pirated copies of movies, books, and music off the internet.

 

Awhile back, I had told her I was going to buy a particular CD for my DD. She called me and told me that her DD had the CD and offered to copy it for me. She wanted to know if I would have a problem with that. When I said "yes", she actually LAUGHED at me!!

 

What's sad is that her DH is a very successful pediatrician. She could afford to buy all the books, CDs, and movies she wants. Oh, and her DH is an elder in their church.

[Audrey]

one of the finest gentlemen that our nation has ever produced

 

General Robert E. Lee

 

 

:thumbdown:

[bettyandbob]

Well, it was until we quit discussing it.

 

She copies movies, CDs, etc. illegally. She has literally hundreds of them. She gets movies from Netflix, copies them, then sends them back. Her DH downloads pirated copies of movies, books, and music off the internet.

 

Awhile back, I had told her I was going to buy a particular CD for my DD. She called me and told me that her DD had the CD and offered to copy it for me. She wanted to know if I would have a problem with that. When I said "yes", she actually LAUGHED at me!!

 

What's sad is that her DH is a very successful pediatrician. She could afford to buy all the books, CDs, and movies she wants. Oh, and her DH is an elder in their church.

 

 

Perhaps your friend's dh should be forced to work for free since she thinks authors, actors and musicians are required to give away their skills for free. What a complete low-life. Sadly, this woman thinks her husband should be paid for his skills, but authors, actors and musicians should not. Perhaps such artists should just stop producing, because what they produce has no value.

Edited June 13, 2009 by betty

[Dirtroad]

yes... sadly

[Granny_Weatherwax]

No, you're not strange just in the minority.

Here's my honesty story:

I am an instructor at a local community college. As I was leaving one of the academic buildings on Wednesday I found a $100 bill in the doorway. My class is the only one in that particular area at that time of day so I assumed it belonged to one of my students. The next day in class I asked if anyone had lost something valuable. I specifically did not mention what it was. One of the students looked at me and mouthed "A $100 bill." I asked her if she would like to have it back. As she came up front to claim her money the murmurs that surrounded her were astounding. So many of the students were saying things like "I would of kept it" or "I can't believe you are giving it back", or some similar but not worth repeating comment.

I figured it wasn't my money to begin with and I wanted to make an effort to find the rightful owner.

 

Kudos to you for being honest.

[Peek a Boo]

ok, here's my biggest honesty story:

 

back when i was still single and working a cash register at the local gas station, a customer came in beaming w/ a scratch off lottery ticket, handed it to me and said "$100 please!"

 

When I scanned it, the amount won was TWO hundred dollars.

 

It wasn't until later on that a coworker said "you should have just given them their hundred bucks and kept the other hundred --they never would have known" [cuz we staple the little validation receipt to the ticket and keep it.]

[Peek a Boo]

Originally Posted by pqr View Post

one of the finest gentlemen that our nation has ever produced

 

General Robert E. Lee

 

:thumbdown:

 

I completely disagree.

 

he was one of the finest gentlemen that our nation has ever produced.

 

he certainly had his faults --as does every human being-- but his reputation for honesty is practically undisputed.

[AndyJoy]

When I am honest with cashiers, I usually get a grateful response rather than a shocked one. Now, when I was obvious under 21 and returned money or pointed out a missing item, you should have heard the shocked/amazed rants I got!:001_smile: I heard cashiers actually call over to others as I was leaving, "Hey, did you see that teenage girl who actually gave back $5?"

 

A few years ago I bought 10 lbs of sugar free M&M-type candies at a bulk foods store for a Christmas gift for my bil. The cashier rang them up as regular M&Ms which were only 1/4 of the cost. I spent 20 min. in the customer service line while they figured out how to ring up the difference. The manager was both shocked and grateful. I just wished it hadn't taken so long to fix!

[elw_miller]

I love this thread. What a sweet way to promote honesty!

 

I distinctly remember learning about honesty and respect for other's property when I was a little girl. One of my little sisters loved gum and one day she took a pack from the drugstore while we were out. My dad discovered she had the gum when we got back to the car. We all had to go back in to the store, she had to return it, and she had to apologize to the clerk for taking it. My dad did not buy it for her despite her sobbing. He also wisely used it as a teachable moment. Boy did it make an impression on me! :)

[pqr]

 

Perhaps such artists should just stop producing, because what they produce has no value.

 

 

Not to make light of a serious issue , but if copyright violations would persuade rap music "artists" to stop producing their tripe then I may see an argument for the practice. Can we get Brittney Spears to shut up as well?

[Ravin]

I work at Wal-mart.

 

As frustrating as the theft and lazy wastefulness of some customers is, when I stop and think about it, I see more people doing the kinds of things mentioned on this thread, than stealing. I've learned that honest people seldom get offended by things like checking ID when using a credit card, or glances at what they're ringing up when they're at the self-check...on several occasions, I've saved a customer money when they rang produce up wrong, and most people realize checking credit cards means it's less likely their card could be misused in our store if stolen. Thieves get offended when you watch them and suspect them of theft, though...that's actually become a warning sign to me that someone is trying to pull something.

 

I've seen people choose kindness and honesty quite often enough that I still think that the bulk of people are honest. And for myself, I'm pretty sure honesty has paid off. When I interviewed to move into the cash office to be an overnight accounting associate, I'm pretty sure the time I found a $100 bill when sorting go-backs and turned it in rather than pocketing it (which several of my fellow cashiers and more than one hourly supervisor admitted they probably would have done) weighed in my favor.

 

Everyone makes mistakes. I've had customers point out an item in the bottom of the cart they weren't charged for plenty of times, just as I've had someone forget an item and, unoffended, hand it over for ringing when they forgot it in the cart.

 

I've listened to a number of news stories about the realities of corruption in various countries is like, and really I think we live in a basically honest society of basically honest people. Corruption and theft are the practices of a few, not the majority, let alone universal in our society.

[bettyandbob]

Not to make light of a serious issue , but if copyright violations would persuade rap music "artists" to stop producing their tripe then I may see an argument for the practice. Can we get Brittney Spears to shut up as well?

 

 

No one is making you buy something you don't want. If you do want the music, book, movie, pay for it, don't steal it. You did make light of the issue. I know quite a few people, for whom their art is their income. Just because you don't like some styles of music or writing doesn't mean stealing is OK and copyright is meaningless.

[pqr]

No one is making you buy something you don't want. If you do want the music, book, movie, pay for it, don't steal it. You did make light of the issue. I know quite a few people, for whom their art is their income. Just because you don't like some styles of music or writing doesn't mean stealing is OK and copyright is meaningless.

 

Calm down Betty, it was a joke.

 

I was simply remarking on your comment and stating that I do think that some of what is produced has no value. I am not actually arguing that people steal it, simply stating that it is junk.

[brehon]

Well, it was until we quit discussing it.

 

She copies movies, CDs, etc. illegally. She has literally hundreds of them. She gets movies from Netflix, copies them, then sends them back. Her DH downloads pirated copies of movies, books, and music off the internet.

 

Awhile back, I had told her I was going to buy a particular CD for my DD. She called me and told me that her DD had the CD and offered to copy it for me. She wanted to know if I would have a problem with that. When I said "yes", she actually LAUGHED at me!!

 

What's sad is that her DH is a very successful pediatrician. She could afford to buy all the books, CDs, and movies she wants. Oh, and her DH is an elder in their church.

 

 

One of my oldest friends and her dh do the same thing! :001_huh: I can't believe it. Well, strictly speaking, that's not true due to my generally cynical nature; but, still, I was shocked when she said she saw nothing wrong with the practice.

 

She's a lawyer and her dh works for a major computer company. :glare:

[cin]

I love this thread. What a sweet way to promote honesty!

 

I distinctly remember learning about honesty and respect for other's property when I was a little girl. One of my little sisters loved gum and one day she took a pack from the drugstore while we were out. My dad discovered she had the gum when we got back to the car. We all had to go back in to the store, she had to return it, and she had to apologize to the clerk for taking it. My dad did not buy it for her despite her sobbing. He also wisely used it as a teachable moment. Boy did it make an impression on me! :)

 

 

I hear stories like these from my friends, and it almost makes me wish my girls WOULD take something, so I could give them that same memory!

[cin]

One of my oldest friends and her dh do the same thing! :001_huh: I can't believe it. Well, strictly speaking, that's not true due to my generally cynical nature; but, still, I was shocked when she said she saw nothing wrong with the practice.

 

She's a lawyer and her dh works for a major computer company. :glare:

 

 

So, it's not like they can claim ignorance OR poverty. (Not that the second is an excuse for breaking the law!!!)

[angela in ohio]

It's not so much the big things like paying for a forgotten item that get me. It's when I have to tell people that they should reconsider something they are doing, because they don't even realize it is theft. You know, the "everyone does it" situations, like tax fraud, piracy, and such. :001_huh: :glare: They look at you like you are a freak then.

[lynn]

This happens to me all the time for various reasons. The weirdest being the pizza place not ringing something up right which came to a difference of over $10 in our favor. I tried to explain to him that we should have been charged for 2 salads on the lunch special and he could not figure out what I was talking about and kept saying "No, it's right." I just gave up, I tried to see if there was some type of special but none to be found. Oh, well I made an honest effort to do the right thing.:001_smile:

[HeatherInWI]

Honesty has been weird for years. I remember when I was in high school (over 20 years ago), some of my friends made fun of me because I'd return extra change to a cashier. If God gives us love for others, and we truly are loving our neighbors as ourselves, then we can't/shouldn't be defrauding them -- even if they are owners of fast-food restaurants, owners of movie theaters, owners of recreation businesses, owners of grocery stores, etc.

 

Nowhere does the Bible say that being frugal, or even being poor, makes it o.k. to cheat others -- even if we don't get caught here on earth!

[brehon]

So, it's not like they can claim ignorance OR poverty. (Not that the second is an excuse for breaking the law!!!)

 

 

Nope, not at all. And that's not even getting into the whole "officer of the court" part. I told her I didn't understand her mindset - how could they justify stealing, especially for pleasure?

 

Needless to say, she didn't appreciate my question. <*sigh*> I simply am NOT of this culture. [not that I think this is a bad thing; it is, however, puzzling (?), bemusing (?)]

[elw_miller]

It's not so much the big things like paying for a forgotten item that get me. It's when I have to tell people that they should reconsider something they are doing, because they don't even realize it is theft. You know, the "everyone does it" situations, like tax fraud, piracy, and such. :001_huh: :glare: They look at you like you are a freak then.

 

Not just look at you like a freak, they then try to rationalize why the fraud they are committing is okay! Argh! I'm not sure what to do at that point. I recently had an experience where I pointed out "the right thing to do is to pay the fine". After being met with a rationalization I did not pursue the matter (though it still irks me).

 

Should the lack of logic be explained at this point? Should the matter just be dropped so one doesn't come across as condescending, parental or the aggressive type who has.to.be.right?

 

I've run into this "victimless fraud" several times. It isn't victimless as some erroneously call it; it may be faceless but it is still wrong.

 

What would Cicero do?

[MyThreeSons]

most people realize checking credit cards means it's less likely their card could be misused in our store if stolen. Thieves get offended when you watch them and suspect them of theft, though...that's actually become a warning sign to me that someone is trying to pull something.

 

 

I usually thank the cashier for checking my ID when I use my debit card.

 

On the other hand, I was HIGHLY offended once when I was suspected of stealing: Years ago, I was checking out at a super center store, with over $125 worth of groceries and cleaning supplies. My cart was literally overflowing with stuff. I grabbed a candy bar after the cashier had scanned it because my energy was dropping and I needed a quick boost. As I pushed my cart out of the store, with the candy bar in hand, some assistant manager came running after me, yelling out, "Ma'am, did you pay for that?" When I didn't respond, because I had no idea she was talking to me, she kept coming and yelling, finally stopping my cart and getting in my face, demanding to see my receipt and searching it to prove I had paid for the stupid candy bar. No apology.

 

I filed a complaint with the corporate office, never heard another word, and never shopped there again.