How does your pastor's wife dress?

[Whereneverever]

Or if your clergy person is a woman, how does she dress?

 

I ran to the hospital tonight to visit someone who was sick and the helpful staff were surprised I'm a pastor's wife. I've run into this before and I'm starting to feel like I may need like, some sort of respectable uniform or something.

 

Help! I live in the western part of the USA and I'm in my mid to upper twenties and look younger.

 

Or should I continue on and just not care? Please advise, Hive. And don't quote please, so I can hang my head slightly privately in shame later, ok? Lol.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wear yoga pants and long baggy t-shirts!  On Sunday morning I do wear dresses most of the time.

[Based on Faith Academy]

Well, I am part of an Apolostolic church and that might make a different.

My pastor's wife dresses classy no matter where we run into her. I don't

think it is even the outfit though. She just comes across as a lady. Alright

I am getting off track. You didn't ask for all that info. :mellow: She wears a nice

top and a long skirt everywhere. Depending on where she goes will determine

whether it is more dressy or not.

 

I do have to say that I wouldn't worry how other people may view you. Yes, you

are in a position of leadership BUT your clothes are not what will help save a

soul or bring someone to Christ. It is the God in you. As long as you are dressing

respectfully, I would just continue as you are. The looks are probably more age

related. For whatever reason people forget that pastors and their wives start in

the ministry a lot of the time at a young age.

[happi duck]

I vote for continuing not to care.

 

The only pastors' wives I know who look like p.w. look that way because they don't dress in their own style but the expected "uniform".

 

I've seen our pastor's wife at church, at her home and right from work and her style is consistent.

[Reflections]

I have NO experience with being a pastor's wife, but maybe, unless you are wearing sweats or cut-offs, it's your age not attire.  

 

The very few pastor wives I've known have worn slacks - not jeans, and blouses.  But only one from that limited pool was under 50 ...

 

[JessReplanted]

Oh dear.. continue on and don't worry about it. :grouphug:

[Whereneverever]

I have NO experience with being a pastor's wife, but maybe, unless you are wearing sweats or cut-offs, it's your age not attire.

 

The very few pastor wives I've known have worn slacks - not jeans, and blouses. But only one from that limited pool was under 50 ...

HA, I am definitely not wearing sweats or cut offs. And I don't think I own a blouse, either.

 

I can't really fix the age thing, maybe I need to keep rolling with it.

[Evergreen State Sue]

Our pastor's wife is in her 50's .  I've seen her in jeans, pants, skirts and dresses.  I don't know how you are dressing now to advise you.  I would say dress modestly - nothing low cut on the top and nothing too short on the bottom.  There is no need to put a PW on your sweater!

[Whereneverever]

Lots of skinny jeans, boots, I layer my tops. Kind of nerdy eclectic, a little rocker.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The fact that I sleep with the pastor has nothing to do with how I dress.  The fact that I have a relationship with God has only a little bit to do with my dress since I would dress modestly anyway because that is how everyone in my circle (no matter what their faith) dresses.  What impact I have or don't have on others has to do with my soul and how God might want to use me and not how I dress.  Or my age for that matter.  

[Whereneverever]

I'm not intending to be rude- or imply others should dress a certain way. I just seem to often run into people thinking I don't look how they expect I should and trying to see if that's no biggie or something I need to apply myself to.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm not intending to be rude- or imply others should dress a certain way. I just seem to often run into people thinking I don't look how they expect I should and trying to see if that's no biggie or something I need to apply myself to.

I didn't think you were rude.  I might be considered that by some but I've come to the conclusion that if I were to try and conform in some way to other people's image of what a PW should look like that it would not be spiritually healthy for me.  I have no opinion on how any other PW should or should not dress.   

[Whereneverever]

I didn't think you were rude. I might be considered that by some but I've come to the conclusion that if I were to try and conform in some way to other people's image of what a PW should look like that it would not be spiritually healthy for me. I have no opinion on how any other PW should or should not dress.

Ok, I just wanted to make sure. Sometimes I don't express myself so well online!

[MollyAnn]

I think it may be your age more than your attire. I think most people have an image of an older woman when they think 'pastor's wife'.

[Sherri in MI]

The important thing is you went to visit someone in the hospital - not how you dressed.   How is a PW supposed to dress for a hospital visit anyway?  I mean, people usually go to the hospital super casual I thought, unless they are coming from work or something.  As someone suggested, it may be your age, or it may not be anything.  Everyone has their own idea of what a PW is & they might just react when confronted with an actual human being who doesn't fit their own picture.  Each pastor's wife is an individual, but not everybody gets that. 

 

My pastor's wife dresses in jeans or casual slacks for casual occasions and dresses that look like they are from the 80s for church.

 

When I was a pastor's wife, I would have worn jeans or casual slacks to the hospital and a feminine t-shirt.  To church, dress slacks and a top.  Sometimes a pants suit.  I dressed up more when I was single, then I did later when I was a pastor's wife.  But times had changed, my church and the area we lived was more casual.

 

Dress the way you want, as long as it's modest and within the range of appropriate for the occasion.  Every individual has their own idea of what a pastor's wife should be.  It's their problem, not yours.

[bettyandbob]

I think it's your age. Some people thought I was a teen when I was in my late twenties. twenty years later I definitely look my age  :sad:

 

The priest's wife in my previous church wore slacks and a blazer to services. When I saw her outside of church she was in jeans. She was in her sixties. 

 

The rector only wore a collar during services, but the female assistant rector wore her collar all the time. So, there was no mistaking she was clergy. 

[mom@shiloh]

Dress however you like, although I would encourage modesty.  We attended a joint worship service with loads of college students once.  One of the presiding pastor's wives was a very beautiful 20-something who was wearing a strapless dress.  I was sitting several rows behind her,and from the back it looked like she was sitting there naked.  At least 8 inches of her torso showed above her chair from the back and there were no clothes there.  In my personal opinion, I don't think anyone should dress that way for church, and I think that someday she will cringe at the memory.  She is a wonderful, Godly woman, but I think that especially because she is the pastor's wife, her wardrobe choice was offensive to many that day.  

[Prairie~Phlox]

Modest & nothing too tight. Maybe it's the skinny jeans??

[Starr]

Right now, pjs.  It sounds to me like you are dressing age appropriate. Don't worry, everyone has a different idea of clergy wives, what we should wear, how many kids we should have, where we sit in church, the list is extensive. One has to have a good sense of humor. :D 

[mytwomonkeys]

Our senior pastor's wife dresses comfortable but cute. She wears jeans on occasion & is almost 50. All of our associate pastors wives are the same I would say -- nice dress but casual. Every church I've ever attended, the senior pastor's wives dress pretty much the same - fashionable and nice - but not overly dressy and uncomfortable.

 

As for the hospital, I'd go with what represents your church. I'd assume I was going to be meeting several people, so I would aim to look nice, even if in more relaxed clothing :)

 

And when I refer to "nice dress but casual" at my church, I mean nice jeans, fashionable top, etc. none of the pastors wives wear dresses.

[mytwomonkeys]

Oh. I just saw your age & that you look younger. I was like that too in my 20's!! It isn't your fashion, it probably is just your age. And that isn't a bad thing at all!! I wouldn't worry about it :)

[Plink]

It is very rare for a student to graduate seminary and still be in their 20s; even rarer for them to be placed in a pastorate immediately (many start as youth leaders or similar). Pastors then have the rest of their life to serve as they grow older which skews our perception even further.

 

It is an age thing. Ignore it.

[Chris in VA]

I don't have many nice clothes. I also walk dogs for a job, so you can often find me in sweats or sweat-shorts and a Walmart T (not in a church service, though). 

 

If you were wearing skinny jeans and boots, and a nice top, and someone said, "Gee, you don't LOOK like a pastor's wife!" I would take it as a compliment, frankly. "Pastor's Wife" in that context, to me, means dowdy dresser with pearls and heels and a lavendar suit.  :D

 

Not that there's anything wrong with that. 

 

;)

[Okra]

Don't worry about it!  I think it 's the age....

Okra

[marbel]

I have fond memories of one pastor's wife who looked cute in a denim mini (not too mini) and t-shirt.  She was in her 30's.  My current pastor's wife wears skirts and nice tops to church, jeans most everywhere else.  I guess I am a pastor's wife now as my husband just got called as a part-time associate pastor at our church. To go to the hospital I would wear jeans, a sweater or nice t-shirt, and comfortable shoes. 

 

I'm agree with those who say people were responding to your age, not your dress.

 

Skinny jeans are great and I would wear them if I had the shape for them.  My only problem with them is when they are so skin-tight they "pucker" (not quite the right word) along the back of the legs.   .

 

Dressing modestly doesn't always have as much to do with a particular style as the way people wear their clothing and carry themselves.

 

You were probably dressed fine and your question wasn't rude.  Being a pastor's wife can be difficult because so often people are ready to criticize over the littlest thing. 

 

[alisoncooks]

I am a "pastor's wife" (DH works in a ministry on a university) and I *used* to be Children's Minister at our church.

I dress very casually; definitely no Tammy Faye. :p

 

I wear very natural makeup and hair (simply b/c I'm lazy and inept, haha).  I mostly wear jeans to church, but sometimes dress pants or long skirts.  I am modest in dress (I include pants in that).  I wear a lot of screen-print t-shirts and hoodies.

 

Around town:  yoga/lounge pants and t-shirts.

(FWIW, I'm in my early 30s.)

[*Lulu*]

How do our pastors' wives dress?

 

However they want!

 

Seriously, they each have thier own style and dress as they are comfortable. My grandmother, a preacher's wife, looks the part of a preacher's wife mostly because her years and years as an officer's wife, (before grandpa retired from the military and went into the ministry were during the era when officers' wives were handed a rule book and dress code of their own), had an influence on her.

 

I have never heard a congregation member complain about the attire of any of our pastors' wives.

 

FTR I have never heard any complaints about the dress of our pastor's husband either! :P

[readwithem]

My snarky reply is whatever matches her current nose ring ;)

 

She's pretty tiny and wears girls' size 14.  She's given up dying her hair because of their organic lifestyle, otherwise she would still be mistaken as a pd (pastor's daughter) rather than a pw.

[NicAnn]

I agree it's more your age probably. While I do believe all women representing their church or congregation should dress feminine and modest, I don't except others to. So I think people are reacting to your age.

A few years ago I had the wife of an elder in our congregation come do a bible study with me. I was pretty surprised to learn she was only 25. I just wasn't expecting such devote living in a young woman.

[Heatherwith4]

I am going to say it was your age. Don't worry about your clothes. :)

[Starr]

I don't have many nice clothes. I also walk dogs for a job, so you can often find me in sweats or sweat-shorts and a Walmart T (not in a church service, though). 

 

If you were wearing skinny jeans and boots, and a nice top, and someone said, "Gee, you don't LOOK like a pastor's wife!" I would take it as a compliment, frankly. "Pastor's Wife" in that context, to me, means dowdy dresser with pearls and heels and a lavendar suit.  :D

 

Not that there's anything wrong with that. 

 

;)

 

 

Now that would be an outing, we could go shopping together for lavender suits!   :lol:

[Jennifer in MI]

Now that would be an outing, we could go shopping together for lavender suits!   :lol:

Can I go too????  :)

 

I'm also a PW.  During the winter, I typically wear jeans or khakis with nice sweaters.  I always throw a scarf or necklace on too.  Sometimes I wear my nicer boots, sometimes I just throw on my LL Bean shoes. To church?  In the summer, I LOVE the Audrey Hepburn style dresses  (you know - the higher waist line, straight skirt, hits above the knee), a set of pearls and heels.  But, I can't stand to wear tights or nylons.  So in the winter, I usually wear nice dress pants with dressy sweaters and boots.  

 

My bet is what another poster said - that they meant it as a compliment.  You look very with the times and not dowdy as the person expected.

[Starr]

Jennifer, I knew you'd want to come along.  Sure!  :D

[Aura]

I'm inclined to agree that it's likely the age not the attire. I agree with the poster that suggested wearing what would represent your church, if you're doing church business. It is a "job" of sorts so you dress appropriately for the job. I think that would be very subjective depending on the church. I don't think there's necessarily a "uniform" or particular type of dress for pastor's wives in general. If you're concerned about whether you're dressing appropriately for your church, ask some ladies of your church that you respect what they think.

[twinmami01]

2 of my close friends are pastors wives. They dress like everyone else I know. One is much more fashionable than the other, but they are both quite modest. Everyone defines modest differently, but in my humble opinion, they don't look like they are going to the club, LOL.

[Whereneverever]

Thanks, everyone. :)

[sassenach]

I think it may be your age more than your attire. I think most people have an image of an older woman when they think 'pastor's wife'.

This is what I think.  

 

I'm a PW, 33, and today I'm wearing skinny jeans, boots, a Gap striped T and a long sweater.  I think I dress somewhat stylish and age appropriate.  

 

We're part of a network with a lot of young church planters, and I sometimes feel like I'm not hip enough to be a PW.  

 

I think that people who are surprised that I'm a PW are the same ones who would be surprised if I was a doctor.  There are some roles that you always imagine someone older than you filling, and pastor (and PW) is one of them.

[freesia]

The fact that I sleep with the pastor has nothing to do with how I dress.  The fact that I have a relationship with God has only a little bit to do with my dress since I would dress modestly anyway because that is how everyone in my circle (no matter what their faith) dresses.  What impact I have or don't have on others has to do with my soul and how God might want to use me and not how I dress.  Or my age for that matter.

I agree. If I'm honest, though, sometimes I do dress up a bit for church bc of my dh's role. On the days I want to go to church in jeans, for instance, I'll put on khaki pants.

 

My regular wear is jeans and a top (dressier t-shirt, sweater, kinda hip). I'll wear that everywhere and to all non-Sunday morning church occasions (Bible studies, etc.)(Okay, full disclosure, I am still in my pj bottoms today--amend that to "when I go out of the house" or "after lunch".LOL)

 

Sunday morning I wear pants or a skirt and top or a dress.

 

I do not look like the typical old fashioned pastor's wife. I look like a forty-something, homeschooling mother of 4 who is trying to look a bit put together "in spite of it all". LOL

[AK_Mom4]

Our priest's wives dress just like anyone else.  Slacks or dresses or skirts for nicer church functions, jeans and sweaters for more casual functions.  Outside of church, they wear whatever they choose.

 

Our two female priests dress nicely when they are at church - slack or skirts.  Outside of church, they mostly wear jeans or skirts.  Shirts are special because they have to work with the white reverse collar, but I often run into one of our priests in the evenings (we shop at the same grocery store) and she usually has jeans and a fleece vest over a collared shirt.

 

Around here, you could wear what you like and no one would bat an eye.

[Clear Creek]

I wear skinny jeans and boots pretty often, even to church occasionally :001_smile:   If I'm not wearing skinny jeans, I am wearing boot cut jeans (I like my jeans, lol)...I try to look dressy on Sundays, so I either wear a nice top with jeans or (more often) a skirt and a nice top.  I don't own a pantsuit, and my husband would probably pass out if I ever showed up to church in one.  I am friends with other PW's in my area, and none of them dress according to the stereotypical PW either.  So my vote would be to smile, thank them for the compliment, and go on about your business.

 

I get twice the double-take, sometimes...my name would lead people to believe that I am of a different ethnicity, so people expect me to be so very different from what they see when they meet me, lol! :rofl:  

[Crimson Wife]

I'm Roman Catholic so obviously our priests are unmarried, but the deacons are married. Their wives tend to dress in "business casual" when I've seen them. I don't think I've ever seen them in jeans or yoga pants.

[redsquirrel]

I think my minister's wife just dresses however she wants to dress. She is hardly ever at church (like twice in the past 5 years) so I don't see her often. I have seen her at the store a few times and she dresses however she wants to dress. She is a professional, I know she owns her own business and travels for it so she looks like a businessperson because she is. I should add that my church has zero expectation from the minister's partner. S/he is not expected to have duties within the church.

 

My friend's daughter is a minister. She looks like a teenager to me, lol. She is in her 20s and a married woman and a new mother and dresses as a young professional when she is working, at the hospital etc. But in her off time she just wears what lots of 20 something moms wear: jeans, cute top, boots or clogs etc. I know she doesn't like skirts or dresses and mostly wears pants even when working. She also hates high heels so she is always in flats.

[eloquacious]

I believe firmly that being a pastor's wife, while it holds unique challenges and opportunities as a member of the body of Christ, is not an office. As such, there can hardly be a "pastor's wife uniform." As long as you and your husband are okay with your dress as befitting any Christian woman, and those definitions (such as what constitutes modest dress) vary greatly, I don't see why anyone should be shocked. Do they want you to wear a name tag, or a collar??

 

I remember my mother being surprised that our pastor's wife wore sleeveless shirts. She also had lovely skirts and whatnot, but that was shocking... I say in Arizona, that's just how we roll. No one was offended or bothered, or thought her immodest!

[idnib]

I'm hoping I won't derail the thread by asking this, but it seems like I have a chance!

 

I'm Muslim and so have only met a few pastors in my life, mostly at big events like weddings. I'm not sure I've met any wives before DH's grandfather passed away. 

 

The funeral service was at the church (UCC, don't know if they tend to be casual?) and the burial was 2 hours away in a different state. I didn't see the pastor's wife at the service but it's possible I missed her. Because the grave site was so far away nobody came except family, the pastor, and his wife. We were all wearing dark slacks or suits, covered by dark winter coats. (not necessarily black, but charcoal or navy as well.) The pastor's wife showed up in a brightly colored ski jacket, black stirrup leggings, white scrunchy socks, and white Reebok hightop sneakers.

 

That was 11 years ago and I'm still somewhat offended. Maybe puzzled is a better word. But I feel bad for feeling this way because she didn't have to make the 4-hour roundtrip and she did.

 

It just seemed like a pastor's wife should have appropriate clothes for a graveside service. I dunno. Thoughts?

[FO4UR]

I'm a pw and 34yo.  I wear jeans, polo shirts & hoodies on most days.  I like to dress up a bit on Sunday...in a style that was classic but trendy in 1997. :blushing:   (being honest here  :lol: )

 

People say funny things to (and about) pw's.  We can be targets for all sorts of things.  Ignore and live life.  

[FO4UR]

 

 

It just seemed like a pastor's wife should have appropriate clothes for a graveside service. I dunno. Thoughts?

 

 

I agree with you.  It's about serving and respecting the people, and not about personal style at that point.  That goes for anyone at a funeral...or wedding...the family being ministered to should be given the dignity/respect of setting the tone for the event.  (Some folks have different traditions/wishes regarding these things.)

[Whereneverever]

I'm hoping I won't derail the thread by asking this, but it seems like I have a chance!

 

I'm Muslim and so have only met a few pastors in my life, mostly at big events like weddings. I'm not sure I've met any wives before DH's grandfather passed away. 

 

The funeral service was at the church (UCC, don't know if they tend to be casual?) and the burial was 2 hours away in a different state. I didn't see the pastor's wife at the service but it's possible I missed her. Because the grave site was so far away nobody came except family, the pastor, and his wife. We were all wearing dark slacks or suits, covered by dark winter coats. (not necessarily black, but charcoal or navy as well.) The pastor's wife showed up in a brightly colored ski jacket, black stirrup leggings, white scrunchy socks, and white Reebok hightop sneakers.

 

That was 11 years ago and I'm still somewhat offended. Maybe puzzled is a better word. But I feel bad for feeling this way because she didn't have to make the 4-hour roundtrip and she did.

 

It just seemed like a pastor's wife should have appropriate clothes for a graveside service. I dunno. Thoughts?

I can't say why she did that, but I do dress up in a nice black dress for funerals. I'm sorry you were offended. :(

[HS Mom in NC]

My pastor's wife wears fabulous trendy clothes. We have a very casual church so dressy shorts, a casual top and sparkly flip flops are just as common as dresses and pumps;  jeans, t-shirts and sneakers; and business type slacks and blouses among the women. This is the cultural norm outside of church here in AZ.  The pastor's wife also has a great collection of trendy hats and wigs.  The hats were pre-cancer, the wigs are post cancer.  Sometimes in stead of a hat or wig she wears a great sparkly headband on her beautiful bald head because wigs are hot and itchy. 

 

As long as the clothes don't reveal upper thighs, midriffs, and cleavage no one even bats an eye at clothing norms.  We even have a couple that wears biker clothing to church sometimes.  They have a ministry to bikers.  Another guy wears exercise clothes because he cycles to church from a long way. No one cares.

 

At formal events like weddings and funerals all of them will be dressed according to cultural norms: dressier, more conservative clothing.  We don't consider Sunday worship services formal or dressier events.

 

At the church I went to before the pastor's wife was a constant irritation about always having something to say about how people should be dressed.  She has even taught her teenage sons to make comments on FB  about how women are dressed.  She wears very conservative clothing and expects everyone else to do the same. She will tell you that she's not a legalistic about clothing because she doesn't think women have to wear dresses like that legalistic church she grew up in teaches.

[Little Nyssa]

I mostly wear a below-the-knee skirt, or slightly dressy pants,  and a sweater.  I try to keep jeans for just at home.  Many people in our church come from conservative cultures and would be shocked to see me out and about the town in jeans.  But that is just me, where I fall on this spectrum, and I don't mind any other PW's choices-- except if they are kind of extreme-- like a leopard minidress for example. I wouldn't feel like that would be a good choice. (Does anyone remember the thread about a PW being called 'hot' by her husband?)

 

As a PW you have to balance being your genuine real self, vs people's expectations.  I'm always balancing these two.  In some situations, even if their expectations are not exactly what you'd like to do, I feel there's not much use putting a stumbling block in your relationship with them.  On the other hand if you never are genuine, what good is that? The best thing you can give to your people is yourself.  And constantly hiding who you are leads to burnout.  That's no good.  But I'm talking about the people in your congregation, not strangers at a hospital desk.  Who knows what they expect, and you may have made a good impression on them in spite of your feeling slightly awkward.

 

Idnib, that pastor's wife sounds really clueless.  I always have my classy black suit (skirt one, not pants) hanging in my closet, dry-cleaned and ready to go, in case of funerals.  Likewise I have my good dress ready to go for a wedding or baptism.  That's just courtesy and politeness to the people involved. 

[QueenCat]

Mine is usually in a suit or tailored skirt with blouse/sweater but I usually see her when she has just come from work. She works in a very professional field where that type of dress is expected. On Sundays, she wears the same type of thing that she wears to work.