Daddy-daughter dances...creepy or sweet?

[Barb_]

Please elaborate :bigear:

[KidsHappen]

I voted generally sweet and can't even imagine why they might be creepy. My children always have daddy/daughter dates and daddy it always the first to dance with the bride at the wedding. I am I missing something?

[newbie]

I think daddy time is a necessary, but, what I have seen on TV, seems a lil creepy, it could be the way they are portraying it.

[Night Elf]

I can't begin to fathom why a father-daughter dance would be creepy. My DH took our youngest daughter to a father-daughter dance and they both had a great time. It was a chance for them to spend some quality time together in a special setting. I would have loved to do the same with my dad. We were never presented with the opportunity.

 

I don't see it as any different than the traditional dance between the bride and the father-of-the-bride.

[PineFarmMom]

I too think it's sweet and can't imagine it being creepy.

 

Teresa

[Tree House Academy]

I think it is PRECIOUS! Maybe it is because I never had a dad to do things like that with me.

 

How could it ever be creepy? I don't consider my kids' interactions with my dh to be creepy EVER. If I did, he would not be my dh.

Edited April 14, 2009 by Tree House Academy

[Veritaserum]

I think daddy time is a necessary, but, what I have seen on TV, seems a lil creepy, it could be the way they are portraying it.

 

:iagree: There's a movement associated with these type of dances that generally creeps me out....

 

My dad took me and my sister on daddy-daughter dates. I enjoyed the one-on-one interaction with him (6 kids in my family).

[Jane in NC]

I attended an all girl's high school. The father-daughter dance was an annual highlight. We had dinner out, wore corsages, danced (of course) and had a great time.

 

Thanks for the memory.

 

Jane

[CactusPair]

I don't like them. I don't like the idea of the father being a date-surrogate for a young girl of any age. Perhaps it's because I am not close with my own father. I just don't like any pseudo romance being introduced into the relationship. I didn't even dance with my own dad at my wedding.

 

My dd has a good relationship with my dh, but they are buddies. She is definitely not daddy's little princess or even daddy's little girl. I can't imagine my dh playing the father-date role nor my dd wanting him to.

 

FWIW, I don't like the mother-son dances or get-togethers either.

[Danestress]

I do think it can become a bit creepy when people use the language of romance and apply it to father daughter relationships. I think it's creepy when people talk about fathers "wooing" their daughter and teaching them how it feels to be romanced by a man. There is a line in there somewhere, and I understand that sometimes what sounds really sweet to one person seems creepy to another.

 

But having a father-daughter dance doesn't even come close to creepy for me. I think the girls probably love it and it's a beautiful tradition.

[abbeyej]

The only time it seemed potentially creepy to me was when I heard of father-daughter dances that were part of a "purity ball" or some other event where a girl "pledged her virginity" to her father. That creeps me out.

 

But just sweet, special time between daddies and daughters before they're grown? I think that's lovely.

 

And maybe it helps that I remember a very special daddy-daughter tea from my own childhood. :)

[ciyates]

I think Father daughter dances are a great way for a young lady to know she is special. My husband tries to teach our son how to treat a date by the way he acts with me. My son often opens the car door for me. By no stretch of the imagination is there anything romantic about it.

[Kay in Cal]

I said "it depends". I guess it's all in context, right?

 

I think of myself as being fairly close to my dad. We don't live close to each other, but we talk on the phone frequently and have a good time together when we visit. I'm happy to have dinner with my dad alone, spend time with him, etc... but I personally wouldn't want to interact with him as my surrogate romantic partner. I can't imagine he'd enjoy that either--I think we'd both feel uncomfortable.

 

Years ago (I was in college) my dad and I attended a family funeral in a distant state. We shared a hotel room and neither of us thought anything of it until the desk clerk asked "Do you want one bed, or two?" Suddenly we both got the question, and simultaneously said "TWO!"

[danybug]

I grew up going to a private high school that had a father-daughter dance each year. It was an evening of dancing and each different year there was a dance competition, i.e. waltz, tango, etc. It was a nice night to go out with dad and enjoy each other and be together with friends and their dads.

 

On the other hand, I think the purity father-daughter dances, that are becoming popular now, are just a tiny bit weird. But that is just my feeling.

[Night Elf]

I've never heard of the purity dances. That rubs me the wrong way. I suppose pledging her virginity to her dad is related to the tradition of a father giving away the bride. I've always thought that to be a bit odd. It's a transfer of ownership. It's a very dated concept, that daughters are property.

[Desert Rat]

I replied "it depends" only because I think dances like that can be a little weird. I think I would have felt weird going with my dad and we have an awesome relationship. But we don't dance. LOL It was really, really awkward at my wedding, and of course, I let my mom pick the song and I think it was 12 minutes long or something. Agonizing! :o

I also think it's hard in this society when lots of little girls don't have daddies handy (of course they could always take grandpa or an uncle).

[Jenn in Mo]

Haven't done dances, but my husband takes the girls out on one-on-one breakfast dates. It's a special time with daddy...very treasured, especially because dh is so stinking busy lately and none of us get to see him enough.

 

But there is nothing romantic in it. My husband also takes the boys out on one-on-one breakfast dates.

 

He woos the hearts of all our children, I suppose, but ICK! nothing romanticabout it!

[Suzanne in ABQ]

The only ball my dh and dd have been invited to was one centered on the whole "purity" theme. The idea made me cringe a bit. When I mentioned it to dh, I think he physically shivered. :) Definitely creepy. We will not be asking our dd to take a public oath of purity.

 

If the dance is just a special time for daddies to spend time with their darling daughters, then I'm all for it. I would love my dd to learn how she deserves to be treated by a man, before she starts the whole boyfriend thing. An evening of being adored by her father sounds like a great way to practice, and may be a special memory for all her life.

[secular_mom]

The only time it seemed potentially creepy to me was when I heard of father-daughter dances that were part of a "purity ball" or some other event where a girl "pledged her virginity" to her father. That creeps me out.

 

But just sweet, special time between daddies and daughters before they're grown? I think that's lovely.

 

And maybe it helps that I remember a very special daddy-daughter tea from my own childhood. :)

 

This is what I think of, girls 'giving their heart to their father' so he can keep it for her until she finds a suitable man to marry; and the father 'keeping' her virginity until she's married. Blech. That is why I voted creepy. I didn't want to elaborate, for fear of offending. You explained it with more brevity than I could have managed. :)

[Katrina]

I do think it can become a bit creepy when people use the language of romance and apply it to father daughter relationships. I think it's creepy when people talk about fathers "wooing" their daughter and teaching them how it feels to be romanced by a man. There is a line in there somewhere, and I understand that sometimes what sounds really sweet to one person seems creepy to another.

 

But having a father-daughter dance doesn't even come close to creepy for me. I think the girls probably love it and it's a beautiful tradition.

 

 

Well yea, when you put it that way it's creepy. Yuck. My dd attended two daddy daughter dances when she was in 1st and 2nd grade with girl scouts. One was a 50 theme, and the other was a "Paris" theme. My dh said he was one of the only fathers that actually danced with their daughters. (You have to imagine...my dd would only dance if her father would pick her up, swing her around his shoulders, spin her till she'd get dizzy. More "playing" than dancing. I used to joke that when she became older and went to a dance with a boy she'd be in for a rude awakening.)

[stripe]

It could be a bit Freudian. But I am not into ballroom dancing either.

[Plucky]

I think it would be sweet. We haven't been involved in one. We do not do purity parties, dances, or rings.

[WishboneDawn]

I can't begin to fathom why a father-daughter dance would be creepy. My DH took our youngest daughter to a father-daughter dance and they both had a great time. It was a chance for them to spend some quality time together in a special setting. I would have loved to do the same with my dad. We were never presented with the opportunity.

 

I don't see it as any different than the traditional dance between the bride and the father-of-the-bride.

 

I answered creepy but I think it's because of my own preconceptions. When I think of them I tend to think of them as part of a patriarchal religious culture where the men rule the houses and those dances almost seem like some kind of display of ownership. But then your comment had me imagining a dance outside of that context. What if my community hall hosted one and my husband took our daughter? Then it's sweet.

 

I guess, for me, it's a matter of context.

[WishboneDawn]

The only time it seemed potentially creepy to me was when I heard of father-daughter dances that were part of a "purity ball" or some other event where a girl "pledged her virginity" to her father. That creeps me out.

 

But just sweet, special time between daddies and daughters before they're grown? I think that's lovely.

 

And maybe it helps that I remember a very special daddy-daughter tea from my own childhood. :)

 

That's a better summation of my thoughts. You should talk for me more often. :)

[Amber in SJ]

I have never heard of purity dances. We don't do rings or public vows of purity.

 

That being said when I was 11-13 (before I was old enough to go co-ed dances) our church group had Daddy/ Daughter dinner dances. They were great. The girls had several manners lessons and this dinner was a chance to show off what we had learned. We were served a meal with plenty of forks & then there was dancing. It was all social dances, group dances, line & circle dances. We taught the daddies who didn't know how to dance and they showed the polite behavior that we should expect from our future dates (opening doors, pulling out chairs, decent table manners, etc.) There was never anything akward & creepy about it. Maybe that was because I have a sister close to my age so it was Dad & "the girls" it never felt like a romantic date. Also my Grandpa & uncles went too with my cousins, so it was a group.

 

Also at this age we had Mother/ Daughter tea parties & makeover nights, Father/ Son and Father/ Daughter campouts & hikes and even Mother/ Son pizza & movie nights. I never felt weird about any of it. I loved going. Now that I am feeling all nostalgic, I am going to have to go look at the old photo albums & see if I can find the picture of my dad doing the hustle!

 

Amber in SJ

[3lilreds in NC]

I haven't had the opportunity to have my girls attends one with my dh yet, but I think they are sweet.

 

I don't think it's about a dad "wooing" a daughter. I think it's a nice opportunity for them to spend special time together - something that often goes by the wayside. It's a wonderful opportunity for dads to show their daughters how they should expect to be treated by a man - respected and loved.

[runninmommy]

Why in the world would it be creepy or "it depends"

 

 

I can not imagine how it would be weird unless there is a pre-existing situation that would make you feel that it is creepy.

 

I do. not. understand......

[Janet in Toronto]

Until I moved from Canada to Atlanta, I had never heard of such a thing, and probably would have found it odd, if not overtly creepy. Once I hit the South, with the whole "daddy" thing coming out of the mouths of grown women, it opened my eyes to a whole new culture. So, not weird. But not something I can really imagine happening much here in my neck of the woods (urban Canada).

 

But then, up here, adults don't ask other adults where the "potty" is, either....

[littlebug42]

I had never heard of purity dances until this spring. My dh took our daughters to a girl scout father-daughter dance earlier this year and they had a lovely time. Daddy bought them both a corsage and they got to dress up and spend some fun time with Dad although it ended up mostly with little girls screaming and dancing together and the Dads standing off to the sides. The girls and Dad had a great time and there was nothing implying that he was a surrogate date or even anything to do with adult male-female relationships. It was innocent and sweet.

[hillfarm]

Yes, my dh would be seriously creeped out by the necessity of having to dress up and possibly dance in public with dd, or anyone else on the planet! He would gladly take her to the archery range, on a golf outing, to work on the the Take Your Kid To Work Day, or just to hang out if I am occupied. One of their favorite traditional get-togethers is their annual Christmas shopping trip when dd selects my gift and they celebrate afterward with a fast food fest. But dancing, no. I'm afraid dh would pass out under the pressure and dd might not be able to manage his limp body.

 

Regarding the purity balls, etc. it seems strange to me that religious groups would be so strict about sexual morality and then turn around and permit social dancing. In the Fundamentalist churches in which I was raised, strictness usually came in a standard package. No immorality of course, but no dancing, no drinking alcohol, no smoking, no card playing or other gambling (Bingo, lotteries, raffles), women in modest dresses only with long hair., etc., all came along with it.

[Haiku]

I voted creepy. I see it as just another way we are trying to sexualize our daughters by putting them in an adult situation. If you want a special time with daddy, have an ice cream party or an art party or something kid-oriented.

 

Tara

[Margaret in GA]

These things are big around here. And I voted Creepy. My dh also thinks it's creepy for fathers to give their daughters flowers for Valentine's Day... like they are the sweetheart or something. I am all for father/daughter time together and mother/son time for that matter. But yeah, something a little bit creepy about taking your daughter out on a date.

[Cricket]

My dh took our 5 yo to a dance a few months ago. She was so excited she was glowing. Later dh told me that she never did want to dance with him, just by herself. She just wanted him there. :lol: I never thought about it being creepy until I've read some of these responses! :001_huh:

[TKDmom]

I voted for sweet. But I'm thinking of little girls (like mine). I wouldn't have wanted to go to one with my father after I was 12 or so. My dd has a daddy-daughter dance for Girl Scouts every year. She LOVES it. DH doesn't love it (300 shrill little girls in one room is too much for him), but he enjoys seeing how happy it makes her to have an evening out with him.

[Audrey]

Seems like there are two vastly different contexts going on here.

 

In the context of dads spending special time with their daughters -- sweet.

 

In the context of dads "pretend wooing" their girls to "show them how a man should treat her" and girls pledging their virginity/purity to their dads -- way, way, way beyond creepy.

[WTMindy]

The only time it seemed potentially creepy to me was when I heard of father-daughter dances that were part of a "purity ball" or some other event where a girl "pledged her virginity" to her father. That creeps me out.

 

But just sweet, special time between daddies and daughters before they're grown? I think that's lovely.

 

And maybe it helps that I remember a very special daddy-daughter tea from my own childhood. :)

 

Never heard of that. That is a little creepy! We had one at our church and Danny took Annsley and it was great fun.

[Kimberly in IN]

Seems like there are two vastly different contexts going on here.

 

In the context of dads spending special time with their daughters -- sweet.

 

In the context of dads "pretend wooing" their girls to "show them how a man should treat her" and girls pledging their virginity/purity to their dads -- way, way, way beyond creepy.

 

:iagree: Our church has a dad and daughter dinner/dance every year. The girls look forward to it every year. It is held in the winter, after Christmas. My girls look forward to dressing up, the fancy desserts, the crafts and the funny dancing, like the chicken. I think it would be hard to find anything romantic about the event. Pretend wooing really grosses me out though.

[coralloyd]

I went on dates/to dances with my dad, and loved it. My dds go on dates with my dh.

I get to spend all day with my dds. My dh doesn't get as much time to talk with them, & see what is on their minds. This is his time to do this. Now these "dates", aren't always dress up, fancy times; sometimes it is a fishing trip in a boat. However, EVERY relationship needs times of fun; and getting to know each other better, by just being together.

[LG Gone Wild]

I don't like them. I don't like the idea of the father being a date-surrogate for a young girl of any age.

 

 

 

FWIW, I don't like the mother-son dances or get-togethers either.

 

Yeah, what she said. :iagree:

 

I have no explanation. I am not sure why it creeps me out but it does. (shoulder shrug)

[Barb_]

Thanks for all the responses. I am weirded out by daddy-daughter dances, but like LG and others was having a hard time putting my finger on why. Some of you have helped me to figure out why they make me a little squirmy. I think it's the adult symbols and playacting and loaded language that bother me. I think I'd put them in the same catagory as Libby Lou makeovers and pedicures for 6 year olds. Fun for the child but a little precocious for my taste. As for the loaded language, I didn't allow my 12yo to 'date' a boy in the neighborhood even though their dates consisted of hanging out at the playground with their little siblings and some other neighborhood kids present. I didn't like her using the word 'date' to describe a relationship that was really nothing more than a friendship with maybe a crush attached because the word gave the relationship a romantic significance that just wasn't there. I feel the much the same way about dad-daughter 'dates'. A dad wouldn't call a fishing trip with his son a date, right? How is hanging out with a daughter different?

 

Anyway, I acknowledge that these are my own hangups and that my fraught childhood relationship with my own dad may contribute to my lack of understanding. There are obviously many ways to see this, but I'm personally a lot more comfortable on gender-neutral and generally more child appropriate ground when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex parent. Not because I believe language and symbols necessarily point to anything inappropriate in the relationship, but that I think it's in everyone's best interest when kids are clearly kids and adults clearly adults. A dads and daughters barbecue would be so much more appealing to me (and probably to a quite a few fathers, too).

 

FWIW, never having asked my husband his thoughts on the subject, I mentioned the daddy-daughter dance our local community is hosting next month. He whipped around with a dear-in-the-headlights look and asked, "Why?? None of them want to go, do they?" I told him I just wanted to know what he thought generally about the idea. He replied that while he was philosophically neutral in general, he would feel really awkward and stupid at something like that. Except for maybe the 7yo, I'm pretty sure our girls would feel awkward and stupid too. He takes them running, to baseball, football and volleyball games, concerts, camping, museums, plays--but apparently never to dances, LOL

Edited April 16, 2009 by Barb F. PA in AZ

[Barb_]

I went on dates/to dances with my dad, and loved it. My dds go on dates with my dh.

I get to spend all day with my dds. My dh doesn't get as much time to talk with them, & see what is on their minds. This is his time to do this. Now these "dates", aren't always dress up, fancy times; sometimes it is a fishing trip in a boat. However, EVERY relationship needs times of fun; and getting to know each other better, by just being together.

 

I understand what you're saying...dads absolutely need time with their daughters and no mom around. But why call it a date? That's what I'm having trouble getting.

 

Barb

[Rosie_0801]

I think purity dances or any such thing is creepy beyond belief, but I see nothing wrong with a dad treating his daughter like a lady. I mean, if you want her to grow up to be a lady, you ought to treat her like one, right? If we were at a dance, which being in the SCA happens often enough, and dh didn't dance with dd if she needed a partner, I'd think he was rude and unchivalrous!

 

:)

Rosie

[TravelingChris]

I have never heard of purity dances and I do find that concept creepy. My daughters attend a father daughter dance when one was about 9 and the other was 6, I think. It was with the Girl Scouts and there was nothing creepy about it at all. They especially liked it at that time since the Father was travelling a lot for the military and it was a special day for them.

[TXMomof4]

Until I moved from Canada to Atlanta, I had never heard of such a thing, and probably would have found it odd, if not overtly creepy. Once I hit the South, with the whole "daddy" thing coming out of the mouths of grown women, it opened my eyes to a whole new culture. So, not weird. But not something I can really imagine happening much here in my neck of the woods (urban Canada).

 

But then, up here, adults don't ask other adults where the "potty" is, either....

 

:lol:

 

I do love my daddy. But I don't call him that anymore outloud in public.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I will never forget my daughter's first dance recital- she was 3. Her song was "Special Date with Daddy". It was all about the little girls getting primped for a special date. Then at the end, the dads all walked out on stage dressed in suits. It was the cutest thing.

 

My dd has been to a father/daughter dance. The girls danced the first dance with their dads, then the girls danced together and the dads stood around and talked. Definitely not creepy.

[kewb]

It depends. Daddy/daughter time is sweet and special. At a dance, a tea party, a sporting event, 2 people enjoying each others company.

Purity Ball, pledging to remain a virgin, promise ring -creepy.

[ChristusG]

A date does not have to mean a romantic meeting. It can mean a time set aside to do something. I've heard the phrase "I've got a date with the dentist today." Or "I've got a date with my girlfriends tomorrow." I dont think romantically about those things. I dont think the person is going to be romantically involved with their dentist or girlfriends. I think it is perfectly fine to call it a date.....its a time set aside for their daughters.

 

That being said, I think daddy/daughter "dates" are sweet. Now the things that some of you are referring to such as the purity stuff is creepy, but I've never ever heard of those things before. The innocent "take my daughter out and have fun" dates are fine. Even if that is a daddy/daughter dance.

[katilac]

A date does not have to mean a romantic meeting. It can mean a time set aside to do something. I've heard the phrase "I've got a date with the dentist today." Or "I've got a date with my girlfriends tomorrow." I dont think romantically about those things. I dont think the person is going to be romantically involved with their dentist or girlfriends. I think it is perfectly fine to call it a date.....its a time set aside for their daughters.

 

That being said, I think daddy/daughter "dates" are sweet. Now the things that some of you are referring to such as the purity stuff is creepy, but I've never ever heard of those things before. The innocent "take my daughter out and have fun" dates are fine. Even if that is a daddy/daughter dance.

 

Honestly, I've never heard someone say they have a date with their healthcare provider. I've heard 'date with my girlfriends' sometimes but not often.

 

Either way, daddy/daughter dates hit my creepy button. I don't see why one would use the terminology 'date' - - dh only goes on dates with one person, and that would be me :tongue_smilie:

 

When a mom plans to spend time with her daughter, it is never referred to as a date. Heck, I've never heard it referred to as a 'date' when it is mother and son. Why that is would make for a very interesting discussion!

 

My off-the-cuff vote is that it is the vestiges of fathers controlling their daughter's purity and sexuality, even in people who aren't conciously aware of thinking this way. Mothers traditionally have not had any power or control over their sons' purity and sexuality; hence, no 'romantic' terminology is used.

[Barb_]

Honestly, I've never heard someone say they have a date with their healthcare provider. I've heard 'date with my girlfriends' sometimes but not often.

 

Either way, daddy/daughter dates hit my creepy button. I don't see why one would use the terminology 'date' - - dh only goes on dates with one person, and that would be me :tongue_smilie:

 

When a mom plans to spend time with her daughter, it is never referred to as a date. Heck, I've never heard it referred to as a 'date' when it is mother and son. Why that is would make for a very interesting discussion!

 

My off-the-cuff vote is that it is the vestiges of fathers controlling their daughter's purity and sexuality, even in people who aren't conciously aware of thinking this way. Mothers traditionally have not had any power or control over their sons' purity and sexuality; hence, no 'romantic' terminology is used.

 

:iagree: Good points. Maybe why the purity dance thing was for some a logical outgrowth?

 

Barb

[Barb_]

she was 3. Her song was "Special Date with Daddy". It was all about the little girls getting primped for a special date. Then at the end, the dads all walked out on stage dressed in suits.

 

For me, personally, this would set off weirdness bells. I think it crosses the line.

 

A date does not have to mean a romantic meeting. It can mean a time set aside to do something. I've heard the phrase "I've got a date with the dentist today." Or "I've got a date with my girlfriends tomorrow." I dont think romantically about those things.

 

But sometimes they seem more like practice romantic encounters. See above. Even when they aren't, calling them dates may unintentionally romanticize it. Maybe not, but it's a gut feeling and worth exploring.

 

My off-the-cuff vote is that it is the vestiges of fathers controlling their daughter's purity and sexuality, even in people who aren't conciously aware of thinking this way.

 

Yep, that's how the first scenario seems to me.

 

Look, there's a wide range of experiences we're talking about here. On one end of the spectrum are dads simply buddying around with their daughters. Then we move on to buddying with date language. Then we get to dances with date language, then finally on the other end of the spectrum we have purity balls, etc. Some of us are more comfortable on one end or the other. My point isn't to question the style of an individual family or relationship, but more to question why anyone romanticizes the father-daughter relationship at all. And I think katilac hit the nail on the head. Anyone else?

 

Barb