Daddy-daughter dances...creepy or sweet?

[Amy loves Bud]

Creepy never crossed my mind until I read this thread. Our Lifetime Fitness has a Daddy-Daughter Dance every year, and six of the neighborhood dads take the girls. It is great fun, the girls (and dads)dress up, go do the chicken and the hokey pokey, eat some lame buffet, hula hoop, etc.

 

The girls love it! They get to gather beforehand for pictures, and generally the dads take them all out for ice cream or dessert afterward.

 

The moms also love it - we get together at one house, set the boys up with a movie, and have a chinese take-out, some wine, and gab, gab, gab.

 

ETA: These same dads also do a father-daughter camping trip and a father-son camping trip each year, along with some other smaller events (bowling, ice-skating, etc.) This particular group left an Indian Princess type of thing because of very bad experiences there (dad's bringing guns and alcohol on the campouts, etc.) and decided to just do some organized group activities without the organization. It's worked out really well.

Edited April 16, 2009 by Amy loves Bud

[Pajama Mama]

The moms also love it - we get together at one house, set the boys up with a movie, and have a chinese take-out, some wine, and gab, gab, gab.

 

 

 

I had to read that twice. I thought it said that boys were getting wine: Sheesh-I need more coffee...

[Pajama Mama]

I think the word date is just that-a word. Does it really matter if we call it a date if dad and daughter go out? Does it matter if I say "it's a date" when I plan to take ds out for lunch tomorrow? I have used the phrase "it's a date" for more than planning a date with dh. I don't think I use it for appointments but more for social/family plans.

 

The purity dances sound odd to me. It does sound like dad thinks he owns his daughter's purity or something. But I know nothing about those dances, so I don't feel like I could really critique it.

 

I think an evening out with her dad sounds lovely for a little girl. He is hopefully showing her how a young man should treat her when she starts dating. It would be a memory that she would have forever. A time for just her and her father. That's all.

[Amy loves Bud]

The moms also love it - we get together at one house, set the boys up with a movie, and have a chinese take-out, some wine, and gab, gab, gab.

 

 

 

I had to read that twice. I thought it said that boys were getting wine: Sheesh-I need more coffee...

 

:lol: I guess I could have been more clear, your lack of coffee notwithstanding!

[Murphy101]

Yeah, what she said. :iagree:

 

I have no explanation. I am not sure why it creeps me out but it does. (shoulder shrug)

 

:iagree:count me in this category too.

 

my dh taking anyone on a date night other than me is just weird, having it be our daugher is just icky.

 

now, he's taken her shopping and for dessert for her birthday or whatever (so have I for the boys for that matter), but we'd never call it a "date"

 

we both spend time with our kids one on one, but we've never called it a date. And it's never occurred to us that it would be "cute" to immulate a prom-like date either.

 

ETA: went back and read a bit more replies...

 

to me a "date" implies a level of hoped intimacy. to that might be my own issue

 

as for the motion that dad will show her how future men should treat her on these daddy/daughter dates - that really weirds me out.

 

a daughter learns how a man should treat her by how her father treats her mother, not by how her father treats her.

Edited April 16, 2009 by Martha

[Blessedfamily]

I think the word date is just that-a word. Does it really matter if we call it a date if dad and daughter go out? Does it matter if I say "it's a date" when I plan to take ds out for lunch tomorrow? I have used the phrase "it's a date" for more than planning a date with dh. I don't think I use it for appointments but more for social/family plans.

 

.

:iagree:

 

The word date does not necessarily conjure any romantic ideas in my head at all. I have lunch dates with friends.

 

I don't know anything about any of these movements, but a father taking a daughter out is fine, even if it's called a date.

 

I agree with the person who said if the dad isn't creepy, neither is the date. JMHO

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

For me, personally, this would set off weirdness bells. I think it crosses the line.

 

Crosses the line of WHAT!?!?!?! The girls were 3-5 years old!

 

I think that anyone can find any excuse to prevent their children from enjoying something that is fun an innocent if they try hard enough to pervert it with their own adult agendas.

Edited April 16, 2009 by Academy of Jedi Arts

[HRAAB]

Guess I don't understand at all what is creepy about father-daughter date/dance - except for the purity dances which is whole another issue for me. My dad and I attended several father/daughter dances when I was young. They were sweet, innocent and fun. When I was older, living on my own, my dad and I used to have 'dates' or whatever you want to call them. I would dress up and dad and I would go out to eat or to a movie or a bookstore. I would give anything in this world (almost) to be able to have another date with my dad. That special time together built something that lasted until the day he died.

 

I have 5 girls of my own, and they are sharing the same very special 'dates' with their dad. It's a beautiful thing to witness.

 

I haven't read all the posts so maybe there's something I'm missing here.

 

Janet

[Audrey]

to me a "date" implies a level of hoped intimacy.

 

 

:iagree: That's where it turns weird for me.

[Margaret in GA]

I've been thinking about this dance, date, send your daughter flowers thing and it occurs to me that it's weird because a dad wouldn't do these things with his son. Ever hear of a father/son dance? That's why it's creepy. But, let me say that in no way do I think people that participate in these things are creepy, just that the idea is a little weird.

 

margaret

[Veritaserum]

The word date does not necessarily conjure any romantic ideas in my head at all. I have lunch dates with friends.

 

 

:iagree: "Date" doesn't necessarily equate with romance for me. My dds and I have gone on "mommy dates" where it means I'm just taking one of them instead of all five. We also call it "alone time with mom/dad". Of course, we don't get dressed up and primped for these things. That's where it could get weird. I don't want my dad to think I'm attractive, kwim? :001_huh: I like him to think I'm pretty, but it should be in a fatherly pride "what a pretty baby" kind of way. I'm not accusing dads who take their daughters to the pseudo-proms of being physically attracted to their daughters, but it does cross a line for me if daughters are really primping for a psuedo-romantic date with their fathers.

 

The purity balls really squick me out. We talked about this at my homeschool group yesterday and wondered why girls are singled out. Purity in boys is important, too...isn't it? Purity balls/virginity pledges seem to be a throw-back to the idea that girls are responsible for their viriginity and that of the boys around them. That's unfair.

[Rosie_0801]

a daughter learns how a man should treat her by how her father treats her mother, not by how her father treats her.

 

As a woman who's father was rather lacking, I'd say it's both. Treating a daughter as though she's a lady isn't the same as treating her like she's your girlfriend. Purity balls aside, I'm finding the responses rather surprising. A lot of this stuff would have been called nothing but good manners once.

 

Rosie

[Laura R (FL)]

We love our F-D dances! Nothing romantic there. The girls dress up and usually ignore the dads and talk to their friends...LOL! The dads hang out, too. But they play fast, cheesy music (Shout! Electric Slide, etc). It's just a time of fellowship.

 

By the way, we have date nights with our kids. We have two girls and may have a date with mom or a date with dad. I may have a lunch date with a girlfriend. I guess it's all in how you define the term. :001_unsure:

[Danestress]

in and of itself. Add a bunch of romance language and imagery and it gets creepier. Add talk about purity and a daughter's sexuality and it's pretty creepy indeed, in my opinion.

 

 

A lot of this stuff would have been called nothing but good manners once.

 

Rosie

 

 

But I am not sure what you are getting at here. If a gentleman is at a dance there there are ladies, it is good manners to talk to them and ask ladies to dance if they have no partners. It's good manners to offer to get a lady a drink. If a family is at a wedding, of course it would be good manners for the Dad to dance with his daughter and enjoy her company and treat her nicely.

 

But it's never been mandatory good manners to take ladies out on dates in the first place. Maybe that's not what you are saying. Could you clarify? I'm sure no one saying that it seems creepy to them is suggesting that it's the dancing that is creepy or that the father is himself suspect.

[Barb_]

Crosses the line of WHAT!?!?!?! The girls were 3-5 years old!

 

My own personal weirdness line. I would have been uncomfortable with it and we wouldn't have participated.

 

ETA: Rereading my post, I can see that you may think I meant the *dads* crossed the line, but that wasn't what I meant at all. If anyone crossed the line of appropriate in my mind, it was the choreographer.

 

Barb

Edited April 16, 2009 by Barb F. PA in AZ

[Rosie_0801]

But I am not sure what you are getting at here. If a gentleman is at a dance there there are ladies, it is good manners to talk to them and ask ladies to dance if they have no partners. It's good manners to offer to get a lady a drink. If a family is at a wedding, of course it would be good manners for the Dad to dance with his daughter and enjoy her company and treat her nicely.

But it's never been mandatory good manners to take ladies out on dates in the first place. Maybe that's not what you are saying. Could you clarify? I'm sure no one saying that it seems creepy to them is suggesting that it's the dancing that is creepy or that the father is himself suspect.

 

It's the first paragraph type behaviour that I would consider good manners. It'd be pretty weird in my opinion if getting your daughter a drink, holding the door for her, or dancing so she isn't a wallflower is creepy. I don't think there's anything creepy about telling your daughter she looks pretty. When we had new clothes, we'd always be asking Dad if we looked pretty, and all he would ever say is we looked "smart." Do you know how unsatisfying that is?! Use the word pretty for goodness sake, man! That's what we asked for! I'm sort of thinking there's something wrong with a guy who can't tell his daughters they look pretty, not with a guy who does.

Of course it's not mandatory to take women on dates. (And not mandatory to accept them, phew!) I don't think there's anything wrong with calling a father/daughter or mother/son outing a date either. It does, however, seem to be a word with huge adults only connotations to some people around here, and not to others.

 

Rosie

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

ETA: Rereading my post, I can see that you may think I meant the *dads* crossed the line, but that wasn't what I meant at all. If anyone crossed the line of appropriate in my mind, it was the choreographer.

 

Barb

 

Ahhhh, yes I thought you did mean the dad's crossed the line.

 

As for the dance itself, the choreographer is highly respected and has won many awards. The studio has been doing this particular dance at recital for over 10 years. Having your little girl placed in the class that does the "daddy dance" is considered kind of an honor.

[Amy loves Bud]

but more to question why anyone romanticizes the father-daughter relationship at all.

 

 

 

I'm also kind of eeked out by the purity dance thing (never heard of it till today), and I fall into the camp that I go on dates with girlfriends, my kids, my husband, etc., so the date "language" is a non-issue for me.

 

That said, the father-daughter thing has always been around. Father's still "give their daughters away" in marriage. There's a ton of research about girls with either no father or screwed up relationships with their fathers and how that impacts their choice of a future partner and how they interact with him.

 

I believe there is something special about a father/daughter relationship, and it isn't a "romantic" something special. It's not the same as a mother/daughter or father/son relationship, nor should it be. I'm glad my husband sees that and encourages my daughter in her girliness, tells her she's pretty when she dresses up, and already has the third degree planned out for the first young man to come-a-callin'. It's as it should be, imo.

[Barb_]

Ahhhh, yes I thought you did mean the dad's crossed the line.

 

Sorry for the misunderstanding. That tends to happen when I'm popping on to take a peek at the boards in between solving the problems of the world before breakfast ;)

 

Barb

[AndyJoy]

While I have never been to a father-daughter dance, I had a wonderful father who took me on my first "date" for my 16th birthday. We dressed up, went to an upscale restaurant (where I laughed at him for confusing escargo and calamari), and a movie. I didn't/don't find it creepy at all. He also gave me a rose on my birthday every year and a dozen roses for my 16th b-day, which were delivered at school, to the envy of my classmates who wished their dads were that sweet!

 

AND on this "date" we discussed sex, God's plan for marriage, my/his standards for dating, my plans for life, etc. Of course this was not one big conversation--it was a continuation of the dialogue my parents and I had had for years. For my 13th birthday, I went on a "date" with my mom, and she gave me the purity ring that I had picked out with them the previous week.

 

My father is a wonderful, attentive, open man who I credit with helping me keep my standards high and remain a virgin until marriage. Having a devoted father who cared about his daughter's purity (and wasn't afraid to tell her so!) was a major blessing. I would have enjoyed a father-daughter dance with him, had I heard of one.

 

As far as the whole "pledging your virginity to your father" thing, I never had heard it expressed that way, but it just doesn't bother me that badly. When I was 13, I vowed to God, myself, my parents, and witnesses that I would save sex for marriage. I "pledged" my virginity to all of them! I see/saw my father as my protector--it was his job to not allow me to hang out with rotten boys, stay out too late, go where I shouldn't, etc. and it was my job to not put myself in bad situations and act morally as I had been taught. Since he is obviously a man, and was a boy himself at one time, it was him more than my mom who I looked to for advice about guys/dating. Being the kind of girl he could be proud of was one of the strong reasons I was able to remain a virgin until marriage.

Edited April 16, 2009 by AndyJoy

[Danestress]

When we had new clothes, we'd always be asking Dad if we looked pretty, and all he would ever say is we looked "smart." Do you know how unsatisfying that is?! Use the word pretty for goodness sake, man! That's what we asked for!

 

This sort of made me laugh, because it's something I recognize, but I also feel pain hearing it.

 

Every girl wants to feel beautiful and beloved, and a father can do a lot to let her know that she is. "You look 'smart'" is just not really the same!